View Full Version : Lond distance relationship
kingsnkviper
Jul 12, 2010, 01:09 PM
I have known someone who I had met on a web forum, we talked off and on for a couple years and started falling in love, we broke offf communication and a few years later she wrote me and we fell in love deeper than before, we got up courage to meet and I went to visit her on the other side of the world, I was planning to stay a week but stayed 2 months and we traveled together and we developed a strong love between us, I am willing to do anything to be in her life if she allows me, including giving up my life here and going to her country.
But I am worried her parents might think my culture is different and tell her to forget me, she is hoping that is not the case and I am hoping that they will not say that. But I am worried what to do if that comes up as the reason they want her to not have a relation, they have said that it's a long distance from one another and they have asked about my religion and culture but I have no culture... I fit in anywhere and I just want to be happy in life and make sopmeone else's life wonderful and a joy every day.
Does anyone know what I should do if they have told her this? I would move to her if the distance is the reason for her parents, they said I am a wonderful person and they want her to end up with a person like me, but I think they mean in same country??
I wish
Jul 12, 2010, 01:27 PM
Too many what ifs. Why not speak directly and honestly to her parents? Let her bring it up with her parents first to see what they say.
You're preparing for a scenario that might never occur. So let's find out the truth before jumping the gun.
Ther4peuticH3at
Jul 12, 2010, 01:33 PM
It doesn't sound like her parents know you well enough to give or withhold any kind of a blessing. Strive for mutual understand between yourself and her parents. Open communication. Everything they hear about you cannot come out of your s/o's mouth. You have to make an impression for yourself.
Cat1864
Jul 12, 2010, 01:35 PM
During your visit, did you get to know them? Did you learn more about her culture?
A big question is does she want to expand her cultural boundaries? If you attempt to change to fit what her parent's might want, would you be giving up part of what attracts her to you?
Talk with her. Find out what she wants. It may be something very different than what you think she wants or even what she started wanting when you visited.
Any relationship needs compromise from both people. If you make all the changes without fully thinking about it, you could end up being very unhappy in the long term.
talaniman
Jul 12, 2010, 04:33 PM
You can make it as long as you keep working and developing things between you. Her parents are correct, you will have to decide where and when you will both be in the same place together for a longer time.
kingsnkviper
Jul 13, 2010, 07:14 AM
Well it wasn't what I thought at all, her mom wants her to marry a guy from her moms country, not from where I come from or she lives. She doenst want to marry anyone but me, and I want to marry her as well, because I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. But she said if she leaves they will never speak to her again. I could support her and would do everything, for her, but I can't ask her to give up her family, she says they have always been this controlling and that it is so depressing having her moms culture in control of their lives every day and she wants to leave but she loves her parents still. I love her, she loves me but her family should be first right? I know her relation with parents isn't healthy, I have seen it and I see how much trouble her mom causes the family but still its her own parents. Her father and siblings may talk to her if she did but her mom is stuck on saying she will have nothing to do with her ever again.
I don't understand the culture 100% but the girl I love doesn't follow the culture as she was not born in her moms home country and raised on that culture, instead she and her siblings were born and raised different and the mother expects her to have children and marry another guy from her home country. Where the girl and I both don't really care for the thought of children as its hinders traveling so much having to raise them. So we both don't ever want any.
I know this is no longer my choice, its all up to her and her alone, only she can make the choice, but I know people who have left families for love and they seem to be happy, even a guy in her relatives left for a woman in another country but everyon from the family cut connections to him, but she knows he is happy with her and they have a wonderful life together.
A good friend of mine married a japanese woman and her father dispised him and would show photos of us soldiers he killed in the war to anger my friend and he took it, and one day he took a photo of hiroshima and said this is what he had done and they left together.
They have been married at least 30 years now, and my parents are the same almost and been married almost 30 yrs.
If someone loves one another and its real and true love, it can overcome anything correct??
I wish
Jul 13, 2010, 07:21 AM
Don't get too caught up in the "love conquers all" attitude.
A strong relationship and marriage takes a lot more than love.
But for now, you're right, it's her decision on what to do next. If you really care about her, then you would support whatever decision she makes.
talaniman
Jul 13, 2010, 09:07 AM
Love is but the reward that makes working together to overcome whatever life throws at you, worth it.