I was dating someone for 3 years shortly before I moved into a house with my 2 roommates. Our relationship was very serious (we lived together in our own apartment before we split) and the fallout has been awkward ever since. I began dating someone new and my ex completely shut down. Told our friends not to say my name around him, won't look at me (even over a year later!) and refuses to acknowledge my presence in a room, EVEN THOUGH breaking things off was mutual and he refused to reconsider when I asked if we should get back together. He has treated me horribly. It is no secret to our friends who can't understand his behavior which has included multiple sexual partners and getting into fights at local bars. I am disgusted by his change and can't understand it myself.

The problem I am having now is that my roommate began sneaking around and sleeping with him. While I don't care what it is that they do together (I find them equally disgusting at this point, based on their actions), I am having a hard time being comfortable living with her. Watching her get all dressed up and giddy to go spend time with him is not something I thought I'd be having to deal with when all I really wanted was to move on with my life, not having him come into my head everyday. I know him well enough to know that all he wants from her is sex, and I know her well enough to know that she is purposely playing with fire because she sees it as a "challenge". I think it is vile and I hate that all of this is being brought back into my life, right down the hall.

My question is: Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to hang out with her, or be in the same room even? I am very upset over her selfishness, But I am also trying to be understanding and it is horribly difficult. While I absolutely do not have feelings for him anymore, I definitely do not want to imagine them together in bed every time she walks out the door scantly clad to go be with him. How do I deal with this situation?

Not unreasonable at all, not really a "friend" either. I wouldn't accept any of my buddies dating an ex of mine.

Although she is seeing your ex,why is it annoying you so much?

Your over him,you have no feelings for him,you say he's using her, and she's playing along,it's their business,not yours.

They may get along together famously,they might even become serious,what difference to you,as you said your over him.

If you had said you felt jealous or you still had feelings for him,well,that would be a different matter.

Why are you even imagineing them together,are you still with your boyfriend?

It sounds from your post that you do in fact still have feelings for him,and that's why its so hard for you.

The breakup was tough,and now he's moved on,its harder because you know who he has moved on with.

If its hard for you,move out,find somewhere else to live and go no contact with them both,if you can't see them,it will be harder to visualise them together.

He's still in your life,via a third party maybe,but he's still around,and that's hard.

Ha, yeah. And dating would be different even. Just screwing each other is adding insult to injury in my book.

sistersibling : I think I should have clarified a bit in my post. I do not still want to be in a relationship with him. I don't think you just turn off having feelings about a relationship. Especially a serious one. My thoughts or feelings about him really have litt


There should be an answer box to reply in,and your full post will be seen.

If your really over him,have you spoken to your room mate about how uncomfortable you are with the situation?

Do you think this is his way of annoying you?

My advice,is talk to your friend,clear the air,and have no contact at all with your ex.

The bounderies have been blurred,your upset and annoyed.

No contact with your ex is a must,if the conversation with your friend does not work out,can you move out?and go no contact with them both.

Some friend you have, but what they do is not your business. Nor should it be thrown in your face, but if she is a room mate, you either move, or leave her alone. If she is on the lease, your stuck with her, and with whomever she is seeing. Steer clear of them is about all you can do. Or maybe you see what your other room mate says and come to an agreement to replace her.

Otherwise you have to live by whatever agreement to occupy the apartment together, that you have. Not good choices, I will admit, but you sure can't control what she does, or what she does. You can remove yourself, or work to remove her.