A boy in all my classes has had a lot of problems at home and he has scars on his arms and hands. He has some friends who live a while away and when he sees them he smokes with them but he's only 13. I care about him a lot and try to help him. He always asks me what to do but doesn't seem to listen to what I say to him. I asked my closest friend, who doesn't know him, about it and he said he I shouldn't get involved otherwise I might get pulled into something I don't want to do. It's a little hard to do that when he asks me what to do and when I care about him so much. Any advice?

I could suggest you tell an adult.
One that you trust, maybe a teacher. Don't tell your best friend or anyone you are talking to someone about him.

If you talk to a teacher or a minister or your Mom.. ask them not to say anything. Tell them what you have told us.

It's admirable you care about this young man, but remember.. he may not want you to help him.
If he has scars and bruises then something is definitely wrong.

Talk to someone. There are experts here who will give you some great advice.

Unable to control situations, few people have a tendency to harm themselves by slitting their wrist or veins which could be their way of coping. Anyhow, if one wants to learn about their problems, it is necessary to share a strong rapport. Their reaction will be based on the amount of trust they have in you. After which, you can proceed. It might take a while to gain their trust, but slowly show that you care, and don't give up on anyone.





• An individual with emotional problems is the right one to take care of his violent conduct. However, others with no experience should avoid doing it or you could be held responsible if anything goes wrong later. Do not get disappointed with yourself if you cannot make it.

• They would be defensive if they do not need any external help at that particular moment.

• Do not persist if the person is not ready. Try to talk about daily affairs but refrain from talking about the self-harm attitude.

• If you notice that things are getting worse, approach a counselor and inform them about the situation.

• Make them feel comfortable in your company which is all needed to make a difference. Do not stare at them. Rather make eye contacts in between conversations. This would help them to look forward to a buddy with whom they can discuss everything.


Edit Warnings• It is wise to seek extra help when dealing with an individual who cuts, but sometimes just letting them know that you are there for them can make all the difference.

• It is not easy to understand such people who every time revert to cutting or hurting themselves. It could be their way of telling others that they need help, to get rid of some emotional trauma or a self-inflicted punishment for something that went wrong. Or simply because they are habitual. They may consider it as an art form too.

• Though only a professional counselor can help and treat them, it would be surprising to know that a caring gesture would also do the needful.

• A professional would also take years of sittings to resolve the issue.

• If you are the one falling in this category of helping others, pat your back, as there are not enough people like you around.


Look at this and let an adult read this also, someone like your Mom.

You and your friend will be in my prayers... Blessings

A boy in all my classes has had a lot of problems at home and he has scars on his arms and hands. he has some friends who live a while away and when he sees them he smokes with them but he's only 13. I care about him a lot and try to help him. He always asks me what to do but doesn't seem to listen to what I say to him. I asked my closest friend, who doesn't know him, about it and he said he I shouldn't get involved otherwise i might get pulled into something i don't want to do. It's a little hard to do that when he asks me what to do and when I care about him so much. any advice?

One thing is very common here and in other places. When someone asks for advice that's not always what they are asking for. Many seek reinforcement for their actions. And if you provide the advice such as the proper thing to do etc and its not what they want to hear it goes unheeded. Try to keep that in mind when offering advice to any of your friends. Life isn't like burger king. You can't always have it your way !

So don't be offended if your voice isn't being heard when giving advice. It happens all the time.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. You've already notified adults, and they chose not to do much.

At this point, all you can do is be a friend. Be there when he needs to talk.

He really needs counseling, but that's up to his parents.