I am a 64 year old mother of 3 daughters and 1 son. I have 10 grandchildren. I worked full time from high school graduation at 17 until age 50 when I was forced out of a fairly high level job by my bosses son who was jealous of my position in the company. I left with an agreement that I would continue to be paid fairly well until retirement age (12 yrs). I have given everything I could, monetarily and otherwise, to my kids. I gave up my house and bought a trailer back in my hometown 130 miles away. I am no longer receiving my salary and am trying to live on social security. I've made many mistakes; I should have found another job years ago(in another field - I had a no compete agreement covering my field). I helped my kids financially up until lately and now I can barely support myself and it seems like they have no respect for me and don't really care about me now that I can't help anymore. My son has a drug problem and is in and out of jail and all he cares about is that I keep money on his books, which I try to do. My grown daughters all decided to get divorces in the last year after 19 to 20 years of marriage. One daughter has a 19, 17, 8, and 4 year old and another has a 17 and 4 year old. My oldest daughter has 2 grown children, has her RN license, and is doing okay. The middle one with 4 kids has a job and gets child support and is doing okay financially. The youngest daughter with the 17 and 4 year old has no job, no car, gets almost no help from her estranged husband, is losing her house and has to be out this weekend. I'm at my wits end. They call me every time there is any problem of any kind and expect me to come to the city (where they all still live - I live 130 miles away) and fix the problem. For almost 2 years - since my youngest hasn't had a car, I have been here more than I have been home. I come to my middle daughters house, call my younger daughter and have her come get my car while I am here. If I need it back for any reason I have to wait around until it is convienent for her. Finally about 4 months ago she or her husband burned the motor up in it. I bought it new 7 years ago. I try not to blame them but I constantly reminded them to check the oil and I know they weren't doing it. So I was here for 3 months trying to figure out how to get another car. My credit is ruined - partly due to co signing for kids plus they have all their cell phones in my name.
I finally found a really good deal on a car and borrowed the money from my mom to buy it about a month ago. Same thing going on as before - I can't be home more that a week until I get a call that I have to come back for some problem they're having. This latest is I have to come babysit so they can all help my daughter move. I understand this but I got here a week ago, daughter has had my car ever since I got here, I have done nothing but clean house, do laundry, and watch kids, all as usual. Staying with middle daughter - she has been home 1 night since I got here - out with friends rest of time. Watched kids - 8 yr old and two 4 yr olds, yesterday while they fought and yelled and tore house up, tried to call youngest daughter to see when she was picking up her 4yr old and she wouldn't answer phone - I called for 3 hours straight - she had my car and I had her child and she just simply wouldn't answer phone. I was worried sick. They do this to me all the time - take my car, leave their kids, and won't answer their phones. I love my grandkids dearly but I have a serious high blood pressure problem - my dr says it's a serious problem. I already had a stroke (small) 4 years ago and have a family history of this. I'm tired all the time, maybe because of the 3 medications I'm on, and they treat me like a work horse. When I finally got ahold of my daughter yesterday she really let me have it - said I'm mean, she's under a lot of stress, and I'm deliberately being hateful to her. I have all 3 kids again today. When my daughters left this morning I said "just remember it gets pretty hectic around here", meaning - COME BACK WHEN You're FINISHED. Because they usually don't - they do a little of what they have to do then the sneak off to the riverboat or somewhere and won't answer their phones. Anyway. When I said that this morning my middle daughter jumped on me, said she was sick of my putting her down all the time and ing all the time (shes referring to the fact that once I do all their laundry I ask them each to take theirs upstairs so I have room to hang more in the laundry room and not one of them will do it - her or her 2 teenagers- until I have asked at least 5 times and finally lose my temper and yell -i also comment on the fact that everyone of their bedrooms are filthy and could be cleaned up in an hour or less - I have cleaned them myself a few times and within 2 days they are as bad as ever) so the morning turned into a screaming match with them calling me a mean hateful old woman and my threatening to go home, which they don't care because their ex husbands have the kids this weekend so they don't need me this weekend. If I went home they would be calling by the middle of the week for me to come back because next weekend they have the children and they need me to babysit so they can run to the bars all weekend. They have called mean and hateful for so long I'm starting to think maybe its true. It seems as if they have no respect or love for me since I have been financially unable to help so they've just decided to suck me physically dry in whatever way they can - its like I'm just a robot or a thing and not a person at all. They never treated me this way when I could give them money. And I told them so. Anyway, I'm here with the little ones, no car, and that's okay if they're really helping her move, but who knows. They will tell me anything. Nothing ever seems to get done. I really have considered suicide but would never leave that guilt with my kids but I really feel all alone. I was only married to their dad for 7 years from age 20 to 27 and have been alone ever since - I raised the kids by myself with no help from him and not one penny of child support - back then it was harder to get child support - men just moved from job to job and there was no criminal penalties, plus women had to hire lawyers to chase them from job to job and most women couldn't afford it. By the way, on my birthday none of my daughters even called me and I was right here in town at my daughters who went out of town with her friends, and I was criticized for wanting to go home right before mothers day instead of being here with my family and not one of them said happy mothers day and a gift is out of the question. My 8 year old granddaughter usually insists on getting me a rose or something but she was at her dads. My question is - am I just a mean, hateful old woman or do I have a legitimate complaint. I have no self respect or pride anymore. I just feel like a big useless lump.

Have you ever said no to your children? If not, why not?

Hun I think you already know this but you need to cut the apron strings and show some tough love. Stop killing yourself for people who don't care or at least won't know they do till its too late. You are at a stage in life when you should enjoy you're grand kids not raise them. You have to let them grow up. Don't feel guilty. Not letting them grow up and take care of themselves is the pronlem. Don't take their abuse any more. We are here is you need us!

It always amazes me to read a post like yours. I think back to my parents and how we loved and respected them. Even after we all left home we were welcome back.

Never did I or any of my siblings take for granted the things my parents worked so hard to give us. Never once would any of us use our parents for a car or money.

My Dad's rule was "if you are in my house, you will go by my rules". We did. We were loved and taken care of . We were taught the value of a dollar and we were raised to honor the Lord.

Your children need a good lesson in respect and how to take care of their own problems. As long you hand out and take their abuse they will continue to treat you badly.

You have to take a stand and you have to set rules in your home. My children are grown, self sufficient and independent because we taught them to be. It's up to you.

Hun I think you already know this but you need to cut the apron strings and show some tough love. Stop killing yourself for people who don't care or at least won't know they do till its too late. You are at a stage in life when you should enjoy youre grand kids not raise them. You have to let them grow up. Don't feel guilty. Not letting them grow up and take care of themselves is the pronlem. Don't take their abuse any more. We are here is you need us!!

Thank you very much. I have cooled off now and I realize I love my kids very much and am so lucky they are all healthy and are good kids really. They actually ask very little of me. I just got bent out of shape there for a few hours and over reacted. I have read some of the other posts where parents are estranged from their children and I simply couldn't imagine my life without my children and grandchildren in it. They have their side of the story too and I think maybe I am too hard on them sometimes. But we love each other so it will all work out and I really hope it can work out for the others who have posted their stories here. Thanks for responding and for being so nice, all of you.

thank you very much. i have cooled off now and i realize i love my kids very much and am so lucky they are all healthy and are good kids really. they actually ask very little of me. i just got bent out of shape there for a few hours and over reacted. i have read some of the other posts where parents are estranged from their children and i simply couldnt imagine my life without my children and grandchildren in it. they have their side of the story too and i think maybe i am too hard on them sometimes. but we love each other so it will all work out and i really hope it can work out for the others who have posted their stories here. thanks for responding and for being so nice, all of you.




We all feel that way sometimes... you are just tired. I know you love your children and we all get aggravated and say things we don't mean.
You take care of yourself and anytime you need to talk, we're here.
God Bless you... Kit:)

Thanks for responding. My children are self sufficient and independent also, just the younger one going through a rough time right now. This is my fault - I have started getting too emotional as I get older and tend to over react to everything. I

I am very proud of my kids and grandkids and they are acually very good to me. Do worry about son though. I need to learn to chill out.

It seems like as I get older I have problems controlling my emotions and my temper but I'm really going to try not to take it out on my kids.

Also, my fault engine burned up in car - oil light coming on for months but only at very low speeds I was told sensor probably bad so I ignored it - guess it was probably oil pump that was bad. Not dghtrs fault.

Bottom line - I guess I probably am a mean old woman sometimes - I swear I'm going to try to be more respectful of my kids. They are loving gentle souls who will respond to more love and less criticism.

Bless you and keep your family close.

I will post again in a couple of weeks to let you know how its going.

Sometimes it helps to write out your problems . Gives a chance to blowoff some steam and maybe put things in perspective.