In my Utah decree of divorce it states that I have final say. I have been trying to talk with my ex about where our son will be going to school, either by my ex's house or by mine. My ex will not talk to me about this and keeps telling me that our son will go to the school over there no matter what I say. I have tired to talk to my ex about this but it is like talking to a wall and my ex will not respond back to me. Because of this, my ex's schedule lessens our summertime visitation with our son. Can I write her a letter and tell her our son WILL be going to the school by my house and what the summertime schedule will be?

No, you can go back to Court, tell the Court she is in violation of your divorce decree and have the Court ORDER where the child will attend school.

I see no point in a letter when she won't discuss it with you and I wouldn't waste the time.

Go back to Court.

It is possible (depending on how long you've been divorced) that the Court will review the situation, determine one school is better than the other, order the school which is not closer to you.

(I found my life was easier when I told my "ex" something once. Exactly once. I never repeated myself because when I did I got nowhere.)

Let me get this straight. She has primary physical custody (since you spoke of your summertime visitation). Yet you want your son to go to a school near you. How far away is this school from the mother? Would she be able to maintain primary physical custody if the child goes to that school?

We have joint legal/physical custody but with me having the final say and one day more a year. In the decree it also states that if there is a dispute between us that it must be heard in front of mediation first. Neither school is that far from each other. The biggest issue is that if I conform to her will, I will lose out on some of the summertime vacation. I feel that she is trying to push her wait around because of her new husband. I do not like confrontations at all. Especially ones that involve children or are around children. What do you think about this?

If it is important to you - whether it's a war of the wills or whatever the problem is - then you HAVE to go back before a mediator and get it resolved. It may well be a symptom of what is to come or a bigger problem between you. As I said - the mediator will hear both sides and decide if one school is "better" for the child than the other.

If you are divorced and she has remarried the odds are that there are going to be confrontations. Your child is going through a lot of changes (apparently). What is in the child's best interest right now? Change schools? Same school? That's what you have to look at.

On a side note I am aware of another decree of divorce with the same "final say" provision - it's caused nothing but arguments.

I'm not sure I understand how, giving in on the school, will affect summer vacation visitation. If you live close enough where neither school is that far from each other then how would visitation be affected. I assumed the two of you were further part for this to be an issue.

During the school year who gets the child under what schedule?

We both have him during the year. One week with me then one week with her. We rotate the schedule like this. The two schools start at a different time, one in July and one in August. The school that starts in August is the school that I want him to go to. I believe it will benefit him greatly as it is in a better, safer neighborhood and there are no busy streets he would have to cross. I am not the type to rock the boat on little issues but I feel that because of our history she will continue to force her way on everything. I only want what is actually best for our son and nothing more. If I thought her school was better than I would make the two mile commute no problems as I have with my other children in the past. We both feel that putting him in the school next to our homes is the best choice. I have never pushed legal issues with her before but she likes to force her opinions upon people regardless of whether it is in the best interests of our son or not. I only have him and his feelings in mind. What are your thoughts?

Ok, now it makes sense. Schedule a mediation hearing and send her notice of it. In the meantime register the child at the school you prefer.

Thank you so much for your advice. I truly appreciate it. Thanks

We both have him during the year. One week with me then one week with her. We rotate the schedule like this. The two schools start at a different time, one in July and one in August. The school that starts in August is the school that I want him to go to. I believe it will benefit him greatly as it is in a better, safer neighborhood and there are no busy streets he would have to cross. I am not the type to rock the boat on little issues but I feel that because of our history she will continue to force her way on everything. I only want what is actually best for our son and nothing more. If I thought her school was better than I would make the two mile commute no problems as I have with my other children in the past. We both feel that putting him in the school next to our homes is the best choice. I have never pushed legal issues with her before but she likes to force her opinions upon people regardless of whether it is in the best interests of our son or not. I only have him and his feelings in mind. What are your thoughts?


My thoughts are that you communicate your feelings to the mediator, exactly as you have done here. Your interest clearly is what is best for your son.