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View Full Version : Ganna kill myself even though I'm kind of already dead...


justwaitingforthe
Jun 23, 2010, 02:36 PM
Hi and congrads you thought this was a question but uhhhhh its not... but don't leave ill try to not make this long..
so I'm 16 year old girl,live in New York and have a so called "good" family
Now you still probably don't know what I'm talking about still unless you know I'm going to kill myself because u know life sucks.. you maybe like grr here's just a kid that wanst attention posting a lame thing on here for giggles (wow I can't believe I just typed giggles, but anyway I'm really going to die I hope tonight.. idk I keep planning but never get to it... funny how life just deosnt mean and I'm basically planning out when I have the time today.. So I plan on taking a lot of tynol (forgive me on my spelling) or asprin some website said asprin is good.. hahahahha pro suicide website, and yes I've taken pills before I'm so what they call a "pill popper" wutever that means.. hopefully I don't wake up but my luck I will so ill just have to try something else I guess cause life is like no option.

here's my reasons before u exit out and go ask some random question about how john can't open his bottle of wine and needs help.. aka people its an esample so don't be looking for that question :... oh and if u have read the book 13 reasons by I don't know authors don't matter lol... I want to do something like that and leave this sucky place in style but I have no recorder :/... sooo ill do a thing here lol

ReasonS: #1-i was molested when I was a kid and no one cared.. and don't be like people do care! Cause u know what.. my parents didn't press charges..
#2- PARENTS... do I even have to explain?
#3- I swear like I have a curse on me cause I loose like my best friend every year... it sucks makes me feel like and yeaaa I don't want to waste my time anymore
#4-iv been taking pills for about two years and before u say wow that's not that bad.. but like I know my oorgans are mest up like I've taken 25 benadryls like mutiple times at once... so I'm basically ed
#5-God.. now if yr religious then u are ganna get pissed at me but I'm an atheist because in relaity life sucks people are getting rapped,abused,murdered,stabbed,shot,getting cancer, spreading HIV... if god was trully alive why would he make such horiable things happen.. I just don't get it... god gives people hope and I kind of think of it as kind of a law.. laws are to inforce people from not acting out so peace will happen (haha peace... ). God gives people a standerd that if they do something bad then god won't like them or something.. it becomes like this huge thing like kind of run as the government... (haha people the government is actually god.. jk) but like we need hope so we never give up so we believe in god because he's supposed to be this huge amazing thing

Now I know yr ganna be like wow.. dumb excuses but really its not.. I feel like I can't trust anyone and I cut to make me feel like something and then I get more sad because I can't find a place to do it... scars heel slowly and so does emotional pain and when you just relize that you have to wait for yourself to recover, I just feel like tehres no reason to be alive...
OHHHH and if u reply which like no will prob because allways its like 7382387 views and 2 replys... people are lazy.. don't be like "you dont make sence" but then again I don't really care.. its my thoughts and feelings and if you think this is bull.. then stop reading..

Ok wow this is long I'm ganna stop now... thanks for reading and even though I don't know a ny of you make good choices because there are many kids like me.. who are just wating for the chance to pull the plug.. and u could make a difference in there life bad or good..
-almost dead girl walking

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 02:43 PM
Listen to me. Life does suck sometimes. You are young and you have a chance to turn yours around. Do you realize there are no do overs with suicide. It's final.

We've all been in pain and our lives have been shattered for some reason or the other. It's easy to take your life. The thing that is really hard is having enough courage to stay here and find a way to get past the pain.

We'll listen and try to help... You have friends here.

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 02:50 PM
u could make a differance in there life bad or good.
So how can we make a good difference in your life?

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 03:58 PM
I do hope you come back and talk to us. Please.

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 05:18 PM
I'm waiting to help you . Let me try.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 05:35 PM
This is my post I forgot my password.. and thanks that you want to help.. but you cant, but thanks for caring

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 05:41 PM
I do care and so do many others.
Ask the mod to find your password. They will help you.

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 05:44 PM
I know you have had a tough life, I know your family did wrong by not protecting you but that's not a reason to give up your life! Why not dedicate your life to saving others from going through what your going through. There have been many people like yourself who have malested and rapped and have cut themselves then have gotten to the point your at and have turned their life around completely! You can do it! You just need help and guidance and were here to help you!

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 05:47 PM
cant cause I used a random email.. and it would be sent to that person

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 05:50 PM
OK thanks! I keep saying I'm ganna do it but then my parents came home.. they can't be here..

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 05:53 PM
I know you have had a tough life, I know your family did wrong by not protecting you but thats not a reason to give up your life! Why not dedicate your life to saving others from going through what your going through. There have been many people like your self who have malested and rapped and have cut them selves then have gotten to the point your at and have turned their life around completely! You can do it! You just need help and guidance and were here to help you!

Aimee is right. Just think of all the people ,young people like yourself who have over come such a horrible life as yours has been. There is someone out there who needs you and who needs to hear your story.

You are here for a reason... remember that! I know you stopped believing in God... but believe this... he loves you. That's hard to comprehend when all these terrible things happen to you. You can make a difference in someone's life by staying on this earth and saying... "I AM WORTH SOMETHING".

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 05:58 PM
Lol OK I'm 16 people don't listen to me sooo I don't think I would help.. but it's a good point... grrrr yr kind of talking me out of it or I'm just uncapable

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 06:05 PM
Just promise you won't do anything .

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 06:08 PM
lol ok im 16 people dont listen to me sooo i dont think i would help..but its a good point...grrrr yr kinda talking me out of it or im just uncapable
Actually, you could start making a difference right here. Lots of young people come to this site to vent about adults not respecting them or wondering if they're pregnant or asking what to do about abuse. You're their age and have walked the walk. Could you give them good advice?

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 06:09 PM
Your listening to us because you don't really want to give up. There is a fighter in you! Stay with us. I don't know you but you have already affected me with your story. I would be sad to hear if you had passed. You think people don't care but there are two complete strangers here who care about you and don't want you to go through with it.

Think about it if two strangers care how many people around you care and just don't know how to show it.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:11 PM
:/ I don't know... maybe I don't want to die I just want to leave here or I know I need help an di just don't have the guts to tell anyone.. I like need like an intervention lol I don't know... I know I shouldn't be lauging but I don't know its not like a big deal to me anymore.. like o

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 06:11 PM
Your listening to us because you dont really want to give up. There is a fighter in you! Stay with us. I dont know you but you have already affected me with your story. I would be sad to hear if you had passed. You think people dont care but there are two complete strangers here who care about you and dont want you to go through with it.

Think about it if two strangers care how many people around you care and just dont know how to show it.

Give us a try!

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 06:12 PM
there are two complete strangers here who care about you and dont want you to go through with it.

Three.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:14 PM
I don't know and it just cut of what I typed sooo forget that..

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:16 PM
People wouldn't know if I had died. This sucks

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 06:18 PM
people wouldnt kno if i had died. this sucks
You don't want a challenge. Wimping out is better. Right?

Fr_Chuck
Jun 23, 2010, 06:20 PM
There is places for professional help in the Rochester area. And you will find lots of people who want to help

Teen Suicide & Child Suicide help (http://www.suicideteen.com/)

Teen Suicide - Help for Troubled Teens (http://www.helpyourteens.com/teen_suicide.php)

They have phone numbers for help groups, and one / one talking.

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 06:22 PM
You don't want a challenge. Wimping out is better. Right?




You are as strong as you want to be. Which one are you going be? Come back and talk to us.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:22 PM
I'm not wimping out, its not even a challenge its just dumb I just don't want to deal with any more stuff cause it makes me more sad

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 06:27 PM
Killing yourself is not the answer. You need to be strong and push through life!

If you won't do it when your parents are there then you know they love you and wouldn't want you to do this! Talk to your parents tell them you need help!

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:34 PM
No I just know my parents would call 911 and wouldn't want that..

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:35 PM
I never said I live rochester

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 06:37 PM
Killing youself is not the answer. You need to be strong and push through life!

If you wont do it when your parents are there then you know they love you and wouldnt want you to do this! Talk to your parents tell them you need help!

Have you taken any meds tonight?

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:41 PM
Nopes

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 06:49 PM
Why not go to the school counselor? Or even to a teacher that your close to. They can get you help!

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:50 PM
School is over and I have a theripst but I stopped going

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 06:54 PM
Why did you stop?

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 06:57 PM
Because everyone thought I was good and that I was going to get perscribed medacation but my mom still hast gotten it cause she doesn't trust me... and my theripst said come back when yr on medication sooo I just haven't gone back

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 06:58 PM
school is over and i have a theripst but i stoped going

Tell your folks how you're feeling. Can you even imagine how hard it would be for them to cope if you commit suicide? It's the ones who are left behind who have to go through the "what ifs or "it's my fault". Having to go through your birthday and Christmas and other special occasions with an empty chair sitting at the table. Empty because you chose to take your life.

Nothing but emptiness.. no you anymore. It's forever.

Fr_Chuck
Jun 23, 2010, 07:00 PM
Call your therapist, and in some school districts, there are staff at school all year. And there are local lines in your area for help, use them.

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 07:03 PM
Talk to your parents if they don't trust you taking tablets then they can watch you take them. They can put a lock on the medicine cabinet and only let you take what they give you.

Then get back to therapy.. Tell your parents that they have to do this as your thinking of suicide and you need help.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 07:09 PM
Tell your folks how you're feeling. Can you even imagine how hard it would be for them to cope if you commit suicide? It's the ones who are left behind who have to go through the "what ifs or "it's my fault". Having to go through your birthday and Christmas and other special occasions with an empty chair sitting at the table. Empty because you chose to take your life.

Nothing but emptiness..no you anymore. It's forever.

Yeaaa I know.. sometimes I feel like its pay back though for like all the things they have done but that's just kind of wrong

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 07:18 PM
Yeaaa i kno..sometimes i feel like its pay back tho for like all the things they have done but thats just kinda wrong

Payback for what? Listen there is not one person in this world who is perfect. We all make mistakes, a lot of them. The thing is we get second and third chances. Learn from your mistakes as I have learned from mine and move on.

You have to see there are beautiful things in this world and yes there are ugly things. Think of that and tell your mom and dad please.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 07:29 PM
Payback because they tottaly like forgot that I was abused and just like covered it up and then one day started to be friends with his family again and all of asudden there in my life and I don't want that.. and I think they know its akward for me but they just do nothing
AND... I know there are beautiful things but like all I see is badness

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 07:33 PM
payback because they tottaly like forgot that i was abused and just like covered it up and then one day started to be freinds with his family again and all of asudden there in my life and i dont want that..and i think they kno its akward for me but they just do nothing
AND...i kno there are beautiful things but like all i see is badness




They know and they still go around your abuser? You need to tell the police... he could be doing some other young person the same way. Don't be scared to confront him. Go to Child services and tell them what he did.

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 07:35 PM
Just because your parents are letting them back into your life you don't have to. You can stay in your room where you feel safe or go to a friends where they arnt there.

Tell your parents that you will be polite to them but you want nothing to do with them. Their son got away with molesting you and you don't want them near you.

But try to remember His parents didn't do this... He did. If by not being around them you feel better fine. But remember don't be rude to them, they didn't do it their son did.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 07:41 PM
They know and they still go around your abuser? You need to tell the police...he could be doing some other young person the same way. Don't be scared to confront him. Go to Child services and tell them what he did.

Yeaaaa well he's like 27 so he's an adult so its like I don't know diff... but yeaa everyone is friends and I think my parents think that he's still not doing it is cause they say he's grown up..

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 07:42 PM
Just because your parents are letting them back into your life you dont have to. You can stay in your room where you feel safe or go to a friends where they arnt there.

Tell your parents that you will be polite to them but you want nothing to do with them. Their son got away with molesting you and you dont want them near you.

But try to remember His parents didnt do this... He did. If by not being around them you feel better fine. But remember dont be rude to them, they didnt do it their son did.

I can't just avoid though cause I do that and like its sooo akward because they don't talk to me like the same.. idk they act like I rect his life or soemthing and once we were going to there house and I said I didn't feel good and my mom just did not understand why I dindt want to go and was like egging me on... so like I have to go

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 07:46 PM
i can't just avoid tho cause i do that and like its sooo akward because they dont talk to me like the same..idk they act like i rect his life or soemthing and once we were going to there house and i said i didnt feel good and my mom just did not understand why i dindt wanna go and was like egging me on...so like i have to go

Child abusers do not stop. If his parents know and they're covering for him... that's shameful and it's also enabling him to do some other kid that way. Tell someone.

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 07:46 PM
yeaaaa well hes like 27 soo hes an adult so its like idk diff...but yeaa everyone is friends and i think my parents think that hes still not doing it is cause they say hes grown up..
Yeah, he's grown up and has figured out even sneakier ways to abuse kids. (Abusers don't quit when they're "grown up.")

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 07:49 PM
Child abusers do not stop. If his parents know and they're covering for him...that's shameful and it's also enabling him to do some other kid that way. Tell someone.

I feel akward to tell someone because it was like so long ago like I was 9 so its not like he can get introuble still

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 07:56 PM
Yeah, he's grown up and has figured out even sneakier ways to abuse kids. (Abusers don't quit when they're "grown up.")

Don't go on being his victim... Tell someone and then let your parents know you refuse to go round him and his family. Tell them what this has done to your life, the cutting and how he has made you feel.

You have options.. you are not alone... remember that. He won't stop and his parents won't do anything to make him stop. I'll bet if the truth be known there are many others he has abused.

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 07:59 PM
i feel akward to tell someone because it was like so long ago like i was 9 so its not like he can get introuble still
Of course he can. Haven't you read about those guys coming forward after 30+ years to report priests who abused them when they were kids?

KBC
Jun 23, 2010, 08:00 PM
i can't just avoid tho cause i do that and like its sooo akward because they dont talk to me like the same..idk they act like i rect his life or soemthing and once we were going to there house and i said i didnt feel good and my mom just did not understand why i dindt wanna go and was like egging me on...so like i have to go

I have been reading this thread not wanting to get involved until I could wrap my thoughts around SOMETHING,that made sense to me.I finally have, maybe:confused:

Can you first try to not chat speak here,it's enough for me to get a clear picture from your descriptions yet alone when you chat speak.

You can set a boundary against being victimized by this any longer.You don't HAVE to go to a situation where your safety is under suspicion.

Your words and actions have to be clear and concise,don't take no or be 'egged on' by anyone.Just say no!

If they(whoever 'they' might happen to be) want an explanation as to why you are saying no,you MUST have a reason,a good reason.If this thing happened,no matter when,why or who with,your responsibility to yourself is to stop putting yourself in situations that will be uncomfortable for you,much less unsafe.

If this happened,you also have a responsibility to report this to the proper authorities,police,church member/preacher(even if you don't go to the particular church,they still will assist you),your parents,a trusted neighbor,etc.

Keeping this a secret is allowing it to keep you in shame,to feel guilt over something you didn't do(or did do and now feel guilt for doing it,I or anyone else on here don't know the whole story,just your side)

If you want to continue to feel the way you have been,do nothing.

If you want to change and address this,learn something about how to cope with life when it throws you a curve,then stay on here and try to keep an open mind.You will find there are many people here who are more than willing to help you,but you have to be open to changes and looking at things with a new perspective.

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 08:01 PM
He can get introuble still!

If someone was murdered 10 years ago and they have only just found the killer. They don't say aww well it was 10 years ago so off you go free.

Go to the police and tell them what happened, Tell them your parents said to keep it quiet as his parents were dealing with him. Tell them your parents are now acting like nothing happened and your scared he might do something again.

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 08:01 PM
Tell someone what he did to you!
I don't think they can do anything but there may be recent
victims who will come forward.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:03 PM
Don't go on being his victim...Tell someone and then let your parents know you refuse to go round him and his family. Tell them what this has done to your life, the cutting and how he has made you feel.

You have options..you are not alone...remember that. He won't stop and his parents won't do anything to make him stop. I'll bet if the truth be known there are many others he has abused.

I knowwww its just really akward talking about it

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 08:05 PM
I don't think they can do anything
Statute of Limitations - Protect Act
There is a statute - 18 USC 3283, which is part of the Protect Act. For federal offenses covered by that statute, the limitations period for prosecution is extended for up to the life of the child victim.

For individual states, http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/statutestable.html

aimee_tt
Jun 23, 2010, 08:08 PM
Would you rather sit in silence while he molests other kids? Would you rather sit in silence while he possibly even rapes another child?

Or would you rather tell someone to get stop him and save others from going through what you have

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 08:09 PM
i knowwww its just really akward talking about it

Do something about ! Read KBC response above. Aimee I'm not a lawyer but I do know there is no statute of limitations on murder. But rape and abuse I'm not really sure!

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:09 PM
He can get introuble still!

If someone was murdered 10 years ago and they have only just found the killer. They dont say aww well it was 10 years ago so off you go free.

Go to the police and tell them what happened, Tell them your parents said to keep it quiet as his parents were dealing with him. Tell them your parents are now acting like nothing happened and your scared he might do something again.

My parents didn't really say too keep it quite they just didn't do anything... and like two years ago I was with my mom at another theripst and she said that he actually told my parents what he did and said sorry.. so they just did nothing or I don't know I'm pretty sure he didn't getintrouble because like I've seen him

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:11 PM
I have been reading this thread not wanting to get involved until I could wrap my thoughts around SOMETHING,that made sense to me.I finally have,,maybe:confused:

Can you first try to not chat speak here,it's enough for me to get a clear picture from your descriptions yet alone when you chat speak.

You can set a boundary against being victimized by this any longer.You don't HAVE to go to a situation where your safety is under suspicion.

Your words and actions have to be clear and concise,don't take no or be 'egged on' by anyone.Just say no!

If they(whoever 'they' might happen to be) want an explanation as to why you are saying no,you MUST have a reason,a good reason.If this thing happened,no matter when,why or who with,your responsibility to yourself is to stop putting yourself in situations that will be uncomfortable for you,much less unsafe.

If this happened,you also have a responsibility to report this to the proper authorities,police,church member/preacher(even if you don't go to the particular church,they still will assist you),your parents,a trusted neighbor,etc.

Keeping this a secret is allowing it to keep you in shame,to feel guilt over something you didn't do(or did do and now feel guilt for doing it,I or anyone else on here don't know the whole story,just your side)

If you want to continue to feel the way you have been,do nothing.

If you want to change and address this,learn something about how to cope with life when it throws you a curve,then stay on here and try to keep an open mind.You will find there are many people here who are more than willing to help you,but you have to be open to changes and looking at things with a new perspective.

That's embarrisinig reporting it after so many years... I think

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 08:13 PM
my parents didnt really say too keep it quite they just didnt do anything...and like two years ago i was with my mom at another theripst and she said that he actually told my parents what he did and said sorry..so they just did nothing or idk im pretty sure he didnt getintrouble because like iv seen him

That's sick. Sorry doesn't cut it.

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 08:16 PM
Go to the link wondergirl posted in her response. You'll be glad you did. Read it carefully.

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:19 PM
That's sick. Sorry doesn't cut it.

Yeaaa I know.. :/ sucks... like such a little thing I guess tottaly recked me.

KBC
Jun 23, 2010, 08:23 PM
thats embarrisinig reporting it after so many years...i think

Then what do you propose doing about this,suicide?

You are really going to let him win?

What a shame, suicide is for quitters and he is going to win a second time over you:(

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:26 PM
Then what do you propose doing about this,suicide?

You are really going to let him win?

What a shame,,suicide is for quitters and he is going to win a second time over you:(

I hate when people say that... its not for quitters.. im not playing a game so I can't quit anything.. I just don't want to be sad anymore and yea

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:28 PM
Go to the link wondergirl posted in her response. You'll be glad you did. Read it carefully.

Yeaa its like 5 years sooo I can't do anything... whatever I guess

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 08:30 PM
yeaa its like 5 years sooo i can't do anything...whatever i guess

YES YOU CAN... KBC said talk to a minister, a friend... go to Social Services.

Don't you give up!

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 08:31 PM
yeaa its like 5 years sooo i can't do anything...whatever i guess
What state are you in?

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:34 PM
What state are you in?

New York its 5 I looked

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:37 PM
YES YOU CAN...KBC said talk to a minister, a friend....go to Social Services.

Don't you give up!

Yeaaaaa I know... grr its not fair... least like I feel better about the not dying thing

Kitkat22
Jun 23, 2010, 08:40 PM
yeaaaaa i kno...grr its not fair...least like i feel better about the not dieing thing

Thank Goodness. I almost started smoking again.:D

Wondergirl
Jun 23, 2010, 08:42 PM
new york its 5 i looked
That's for civil damages, a civil suit. From what I can tell, a criminal suit is different. And there's always the moral aspect that says you should report him, especially to keep him from doing it any longer.

(I'm from NYS too, from NW of Rochester.)

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:42 PM
Thank Goodness. I almost started smoking again.:D

Lol yeaa thanks, wait you allmost started smoking cause of me? Or just cause

Justwaitingforthe1
Jun 23, 2010, 08:45 PM
That's for civil damages, a civil suit. From what I can tell, a criminal suit is different. And there's always the moral aspect that says you should report him, especially to keep him from doing it any longer.

(I'm from NYS too, from NW of Rochester.)

Yeaaas ill think about it, and me too

Kitkat22
Jun 24, 2010, 12:26 PM
yeaaas ill think about it, and me too

Just checking on you... Kit

Kitkat22
Jun 24, 2010, 07:35 PM
Are you okay?