[I]I barley know where to start. Couple of years back I posted questions and received inspiring advice, I listened and responded quickly, I got away from that piece of boyfriend.

I've been healthily dating and socially meeting new fellers. I came across someone last year, Who took all my attention. From the moment I met him I was taken. It was immediate I was pleased with who he was. In the beginning isn't it always Song birds and Fairy tales? When the novelty wears off, and you've removed your love goggles you begin to really see the bigger picture if you take a step back. Well.. When I say I barley know where to start I mean it.

Let's call him "Prince Charming" meets "Snow White, with longer hair"

The first night we met, he was eager to kiss me. Weather or not it was to lift his status in front of his guy friends, or he genuinely felt the urge to kiss me, This girl he just met. (mind you I have that effect... I kid, I kid) Of course I didn't adjust well to it and was taken back a bit by his actions. But by the end of the first night He seemed such a puppy dog, So I caved. I got out of the car and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Awkward but I the good kind. The next day he called. He called? Strange, The guys I met before him never call... they wait, for-um-ever! He called, he told me I was indecisive. I was interested in seeing him that same day and he also seemed as so. He brought a football and we made the day of it. As it got dark my friend left (third wheel) Prince charming asked if I wanted to come to his place to play Guitar Hero. Ha ha

Silly girl, when a guy invites you home.. You're fooling yourself if you think he actually wants to play with a plastic guitar? I'm sure he's like to play with your belt buckle. So I go. What can I say, he is a wonderful talker, Charmer. He brought out some of his wine collection. I enjoyed it, He made cheese and crackers. Set up the game, and we did just that. We played GHWT. I was feeling it. The alcohol. I believe I tackled him. Harmless, We kissed.. obviously was bound to happen. I can restrain myself when the time calls. But I felt like I knew him all my life. Instant attraction kept on going. So that was it. There I was, drunk. Throwing myself at him. Eventually the room spent and he took care of me. He held my hair! Ha. It was early the next morning and I felt his hand wrapped around my waist. Warm and soft, I woke terrified but my fear quickly subsided when I realized where I was. I asked him if he... You know. We didn't! THANK GOD! I told myself in my dumb little brain. He drove me home and called me shortly after.

That was it, We hit it off. Got along well.. Hung out all of the time, I'd get phone calls from work from him, He began to make me think maybe guys aren't so bad. Maybe I was a good girl, and maybe I deserved someone just as good.'

The closer we got. I told him I didn't want just sex.. I felt the need to express how I really need someone in my life with the potential. He accepted what I offered, but didn't act on it. Of course we just met... Who jumps into anything that quickly? We became sexual fast, but not too fast, unfortunately I was under the assumption he wanted the same thing as me. He did didn't he? Well call me easily price-charmed. Dumb girl. Months went by.. I started noticing things. I'd pick up on different energy. (that's my ninja training).. It was time I looked through this guys cell phone. Time I followed my intuitions and sure enough.. He had been texting a girl he was "seeing before" I wasn't sure how to feel about this. We weren't dating, isn't this OK? He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend? "No no" I told myself. "No I want him, for me.. all for me no one else". "What are we? just seeing each other? Just friends? Oh NO! I'm that girl. The friend with.. dare I say it... ben-i-fits? FML" EW! Sudden rush of anxiety, fear and ashamed flood me, I felt dirty, Ugly and I felt the need to run away.. Fast and far. Instead I did nothing, I stayed quiet until the text messages started to get more how do you say it.. Annoying, Until she'd call him while I was in the same room and he'd tell her he's busy "with friends" although we were going to have dinner together, we'd be eating together and he'd be eating me. Poor girl.. Me, not her. I stood there like a stupid . I ignored what he said, I felt my face get red but tried to forget it. I was happy with him, so happy it started to hurt. Hurt really really bad.

It dug in more and more the longer I'd stay with him. Whatever he needed I gave. What ever he desired I gave. My time, my dignity and my flesh. What did he give me? What was this drug he induced me to that I needed a hit of EVERYDAY? Love? I still don't know. He still had photos of ex's. Questions began to flair up. I quickly noticed he doesn't work well under pressure. Simply because he was in the wrong and didn't feel the need to be drilled. What a pathetic human. How can he do this to me? Why am I the one standing here, hurting. He didn't seem effected by anything. That's because he wasn't He gave off the "I don't give two s" motion. It continued He continued to continue to hurt me. I found pictures. Text messages and He cheated over and over again. But for some reason he kept me at a distance On a leash I'd say. Just in case his other flavor of the week wasn't so tasty. Eventually I moved away, parted from him for months, went on other dates.. completely forgot Prince ing Charming... So, like any girl.. I went for his older brother, (not sure how many girls have done this) I hung out with Prince Charming the 1st for a few months, Off and on seeing each other. He called me everyday for a month. He flirted with me and talked to me, like a real person He inspired me. Not only was he very sexy but his mind was too. He put me in a state of mind where I was able to only concentrate on me. I still wrote songs about my PC who was the wolf in sheep's clothing. I was still feeling those feelings but they didn't exsist, they didn't.. Until I stopped talking to the Older brother, it was never going anywhere. Where it went, that was the end of the ride. We kissed, he showed me affection, made me feel sexy young and smart. My will power was strong when It was just me. When no man was present I was able to just focus, I did just that. I got a new job did my own thing. Went out with my girls and family. Then the unthinkable happened. Who knew how susceptible to it I was. But I had my very first Panic attack. It hit my harder then most. I felt like my whole life was over, I was dying and losing my god forsaken mind all at the same time. The one person I thought about was My prince charming. I wanted to see him, tell him How I felt. Say the right thing that'll turn everything around and make him want me. Need me. Hold me. And yes, Love me. I realize there was nothing I could say. I was alone in the Hospital losing my life. So I thought. The panic attacks kept coming back. I kept feeling I'd be alone forever. Lost my job stayed home, lost my life. Social and employment. My family argued. No one helped me get past it. But myself. It was the hardest thing to do, Get myself OUTSIDE! But I did and I went to the nearest Library did all the research I could and I defeated the disease that was trying so hard to disable my body and mind. I regained myself. Composed my thoughts and started to hit the gym. Saw friends again. And before I knew it I was healed ( you're never fully recovered, but I was just enough to live-life) eventually my addiction to prince charming s bull became overwhelming, so I That didn't last, I relapsed, Went to his place Middle of winter with two friends after a party. He welcomed me in with open arms. We laid together and watched a movie. I needed it so badly, I needed to be touched by those hands. He missed me, he told me he did. I supposed it's because he has been having back luck with finding a girl who can hit my level. He hasn't then and never will. After that night we started what we left off. Sex,talks,dinner,bowling,wine,fun. He would tell me he loved me when he was stupid drunk. Of course it was just the alcohol. It was great. But this time around, I wanted more and I let him know. I asked him why he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. We fit so well.

His response was too ing predictable it made me sick. I hated him again, so much and even more the second time around He made me sick and I loved it. I loved him. What he gave me I couldn't get from anyone else. But I was so unhappy with just being friends who , or people who see each other. What the is that bull anyway? I'm trying to remember when I finally stopped for the second time. But I don't think I did, I don't think we ever really stopped, we just sorta' took a break, How depressing. More months went by and we continued the same bull. His brother talked about me about us. Told his girlfriend whom I kept in touch with, things about Prince charming. I'll never forget. How can this week soft spoken man be suck a manipulative, womanizing son of a . I'm ILL thinking about it.

Let's get to the point here, I'm not dumby I'm fully aware and always was.

Guess what people? A few months later, I had sex with someone else. I told myself I said (Theresa, Oh I mean Snow-white with really long hair, You can do better! You need better, Move on and Find better) Well I didn't have to look very far and there was my best friends little brother. Yes it was a one night stand. I was very drunk so any logical thinking I thought I may have done. I obviously just acted out of anger, He was my rebound, just like the older brother Prince charming 1st. Sadly I broke my rebound buddy's heart. I hurt him so badly I could feel it. What a stupid I was for doing that. I knew he wanted more but I just ed him and chucked him? Ed him, kept him on a long leash In-case it didn't work out with My Prince Charming. I make myself sick. Who was I becoming? So familiar.. Hm,. Ahh, Yes, I got ed over so I ed over. I became the guy I dislike so.

I'm still ashamed but I've moved on from it. I've showed him with as much kindness and love any person can possibly console. He understood and We haven't spoken much, but we're on good terms.

Shortly after that, I went to Kyle's place I mean. Prince Charming house hold. And Looked through his phone because he promised he'd been a good boy. He told me he was only interested in me. I was his "main squeeze" Jesus! As if I listen to that. And "Main Squeeze" DId I just upchuck in my mouth? FML. Whatever, of course it was enough. Wasn't everything he said enough? We did our thing again Dinner, Movies, Laughing, Companionship, Games. And More GAMES! Not the fun kind.

Honestly I was done. I was ready to take my loss, Well Pick up my dignity and self respect. And Leave. I was done with him and His poisoning drug. I was no longer addicted. I was actually done.. Hope you notice that I'm saying "was" It's very important.

I had nothing to lose, not a ing thing except the man I love. So I said it. I said "Either you be with me or we are done, I wont stick around anymore, I wont continue this pointless disgusting game you're playing. You be with me as your girlfriend or you forget you ever ing met me. It's me all of me, or nothing" He did something I didn't expect. What? He agreed?. How come? Did I finally find the right thing to say? Did I just give him an ultimatum? Did it work? Is this real life? Am I this pathetic that I want him to be my boyfriend? Do I really believe he'll stop cheating? Come on. Do I?


I don't... but strangely he's gained my trust. Um Oddly he's become a good boy. Screwy, he's a good boyfriend. Probably the best I've ever had. He treats me so well.. He tells me how beautiful I am, He craves me, Tells me how many things he loves about me. He holds me hand more now then ever. He is so proud I'm his girlfriend, He makes LOVE to me. He changed.. He really has.. Is that possible? I hear the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" I have yet to find that out. The question is. Do I want to stick around and wait for the disappointment that'll soon be shown.

I wish I could tell you everything, All the beautiful moments that make me truly believe he is indeed In LOVE with me. But There'd be too much to say. So I'm signing off now.

Let me leave you with this one note.

I've actually walked out on him a few times and instead of letting me go. He's chased, and he still does. My sister asked him the other night if he loves me.. He apparently responded yes. I didn't hear it. Or see his reaction. He hasn't brought anything up and neither will I.. If this man loves me. He'll tell me... But instead of fighting anymore I've given up. I'm happy in a sense that I can walk at any given moment and know.

I fought so god damn hard, and went through tons of dramatic for this feller.. The tables have turned. If I leave I'll survive.. He honestly wouldn't.

What should I do?. Please refrain from telling me just how stupid I am. I'm fully aware but love makes you do stupid things.

Oh, Prince charming isn't so charming.

Not to be offensive at all, but I think you have a knack for writing that makes stories extremely entertaining. I am truly intrigued by how you write.

But, to the point, I think you are due for a complete re-haul of your senses and sanity, none of which can be done with this feller in your life. You are 21 and since 2007 (THREE YEARS) you have been having problems like this. Don't you think its time to end the pattern?

I am rarely as entertained by a post as I was with this one,it felt like I was reading a short story,you have a gift.

As for your current situation,you have the power that he once had,but are you happy?

Walking is an option for you,it's there like a 'get out of jail free' card,but its no great love.

There is no get out clause in real love and commitment,because its all wide open spaces,you don't have that,and either does he.

Your post was funny and so sad,there is no prince charming,and never was,just a guy.

You have settled for what you have now with conditions,half hearted and expecting the worst,its not a relationship,it's a game,who will win and who will survive.

Stay together and either of you win,either finding the happiness and peace they truly deserve.

Unless you call game over,and walk away.

I think Im still reelng from you post OP.

Im also unsure of what it is exactly that you are asking for advice on.

You now have the man you say you love and you have the upper hand.

As in you will walk if you want to, and can do so with apparent ease.

If you were in Love with him you really wouldn't want to walk, or be in control, because you would both be wanting the same from the relationship, you wouldn't be saying you can walk if you want to, or anything along these lines.

You would be doing both you and he a favour if you just cut your loses and moved on, it seems to have been a battle of some kind for who is stronger than whom..

Is that really what you want,?

No there are no prince charmings only in fairy stories, nor a snow white longer hair or not.

I agree with the others you are a really talented writer.

To the issue though, your have fun on your roller coaster ride, and that in itself is okay, you seem to have found a very compatible person to enjoy, and made some history with.

As long as you keep a perspective where he ends, and you begin, then why not enjoy it, and don't let the gloom of doom hang over you.

We never know where things will lead, but we have to be willing to take the risks to find out, and that's what your doing. For now, I applaud your journey, as this is a vast improvement over the last one, so I say, enjoy it, and see what happens next. I think you have grown enough to handle the realities of life in a mature way, no matter what happens next.

To bad your stuck with that user name though, hardly seems to fit your practically personality. And belies how far you have really come, which is as impressive as your writing style.