Conf
Dec 10, 2006, 09:04 PM
Im 14 and I'm confused lately. I have been beating on myself lately that I might be gay. I think it is mind games because I never had the thought at all, but I'm not sure. I am always shy around girls and I think I am more afraid to try and get a girlfriend or something because then I would have to spend money and all this stuff and I am not good at talking to girls. Also, my first girlfriend like cheated on me 3 time or something and I kind of didn't want to deal with it again so I haven't had a girlfriend since. When I hangout with girls it feels right and when I hug them or watever, but I don't know how to make a move. Sex isn't the only thing on my mind with girls accept my friends seem to always push me too hard with girls and stuff so that is what is programmed in me, that I must sleep with or do something with a girl, but I just like their presence. I experimented with a guy when I was about 8 or 9 but have moved on since because it didn't feel right at all. I have had many crushes on girls but they always shut me down and it seems like maybe I'm not meant for girls. I think I am thinking way too much about maybe being gay and whatnot and I have been uncomfortable around me guy friends lately like when they touch me its weird and I don't like it. I haven't really ever experimented with a girl except once I fooled with one recently and after I was happy for a few days but then went back to thinking I was gay because I regreted messing with her because it was sort of awkward because she wasn't my type and we didn't kiss or anything. I really want to be able to have a good girlfriend and whatnot but it seems scary and I get all stiff and shy around girls until I get to know them. I am not sure if this is just a phase or whatever because the thought came on suddenly and has been in my head for about a month and making me like depressed.