I'm 31, he's 41. We live together. I don't consider our sexlife good at all because he doesn't initiate. He's never been willing to foreplay and I have to do all the work to initiate. About a year ago he said his libido was down. Aside from the sex part, I consider this relationship to be very fulfilling.

But, because of the no sex part. Our last stretch of no sex was 2 months. Then, a week ago when I finally was don't being angry at him for the very unromantic getaway to San francisco (where there was no sex), I had to again initiate. It wasn't fulfilling because he's been doing what he's done for the last year which is lie on his back and let me do the work. (Which I don't even consider sex!). I feel totally rejected. I don't think this is normal for a guy. He was different when I met him. But he's very unhealthy (drinks 3x/wk, smokes cigarettes, smokes pot, and eats high fat, high cholesterol diet.)

So, with all of that said, I feel that there is no possibility of recovery for me. And after reading many of these forums on women who's boyfriends or husbands cannot initiate sex I don't feel that there is any hope. I would do anything if I thought there was away to repair the damage. And I also don't think that it's healthy for a couple to not have sex. We started seeing a counselor. I have told him I would really like to break it off and that I want what's best for him and what's best for me. It's not fair to be celibate. I'm 31, and need a man who is interested in sex. Every time I tell him I'm going to leave he throws a fit and ends up being very emotional. What keeps me from leaving is that we have an apartment together. I'm in school and can afford to split the rent, but not to move into a whole other apartment. Not to mention that I'm in school which would be quite stressful. I also don't want to leave him hanging. I spoke with the apartment manager and they said we could just post an ad. I also offered my boyfriend all of my furniture as collateral.

My question is: Is this a problem with older men? In the past I've been with guys who want it every day and who initiate every time. This to me is a total disappointment. I have spoken with him very candidly / open with honesty. He told me sex to him is like a chore. I've told him he's never sexually pleased me. We can only have sex on weekends in the morning because he'd never be able to get it up in the evening or have sex during the week because his job is so stressful. When we go on vacation together he's never interested either.

Help! I never want to deal with a guy with 0 libido again! He's said in the past he's only had sex 1x every 2 weeks. He deals with stress from work, but has the ability to play video games 2 hours a day and go out drinking and come back at 5 in the am or be totally incapacitated the next day. (NO He's never cheated-and yes, I'm sure)

Hello there

This is pretty normal, I know a few guys that are like this.. they love there partners a lot but to them
It is like a lot of hardwork.

But they try and they both work at it together as a couple Nothing is ever perfect in a relationship, always there are parts that are lacking in some way,

The main thing in any relationship is to work at it together and over come them. When you are the only person doing all the work, all the time.. well. You know how that makes people feel.

Ok now down to this other part, you have been with him for a year right? So this was not a first time thing, You knew about his game habbits and drug and drink issues, which having said that.. POT can really screw up your sex drive and so can eating the wrong typ of foods. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is.. important its important to do things for your partner to make them feel happy and, loved

I feel that, the lack of sex isn't just the main problem here.. It seems to me that you are pretty much fed up with everything about him, His drinking and late nights.

You have tried speaking with him and he has made no effort it would seem to correct this, or even try things you like.. It sounds to me like you are putting up with a lot. If you are not getting what you want out of this relationship and it is making you feel rejected and unloved. Then my advice end it. Well sounds to me like you wanted to end this a long time ago, but with how your living and all you are kind of stuck.

Any family members in you area? You could go to or friends? There are always options, just are you willing to take them?

Oh and when you do tell him you want to split, and get past his fit and all that

Don't tell the guy its just because of sex drive, let him know all the other reasons as well.. it is an important lessons he needs to learn.

If he wanst drinking and was not doing Drugs, and not making and effort

Then my advice would be very different.

Ok, this is not very professional but I am just going to say it:

I think you oughta leave the pot smoking, fat eating, no sex having, lazy, drinking, out of shape guy. Are you in good shape? Do guys give you attention? It's time to explore new avenues.
His complacency is not a sickness - it's a decision. It has less to do with you and more with him. So do not take it so personally. Maybe you oughta make one of your own. At best he is depressed and lazy and at worst he just doesn't care enough about himself and others around him.

Hello there

This is pretty normal, i know a few guys that are like this.. they love there partners a lot but to them
it is like a lot of hardwork.

but they try and they both work at it together as a couple Nothing is ever perfect in a realtionship, always there are parts that are lacking in some way,

the main thing in any relationship is to work at it together and over come them. when you are the only person doing all the work,, all the time.. well. you know how that makes people feel.

Ok now down to this other part, you have been with him for a year right? so this was not a first time thing, You knew about his game habbits and drug and drink issues, which having said that.. POT can really screw up your sex drive and so can eating the wrong typ of foods. Sex isnt everything in a relationship, but it is.. important its important to do things for your partner to make them feel happy and, loved

I feel that, the lack of sex isnt just the main problem here.. It seems to me that you are pretty much fed up with everything about him, His drinking and late nights.

You have tried speaking with him and he has made no effort it would seem to correct this, or even try things you like.. It sounds to me like you are putting up with a lot. If you are not getting what you want out of this relationship and it is making you feel rejected and unloved. Then my advice end it. well sounds to me like you wanted to end this a long time ago, but with how your living and all you are kind of stuck.

Any family members in you area? you could go to or friends? there are always options, just are you willing to take them?

Oh and when you do tell him you want to split, and get past his fit and all that

dont tell the guy its just because of sex drive, let him know all the other reasons as well.. it is an important lessons he needs to learn.

If he wanst drinking and was not doing Drugs, and not making and effort

Then my advice would be very different.

Thank you, this was good advice. I've had people reply saying that I'm not understanding and I don't feel like they've addressed the lack of pleasure that I just need. I feel that if you are dating someone, you need to be there for each other. In the past year he's never gone down on me. He is only willing to have sex in the morning on weekends. Never in the evening, never in the afternoon, and never during the week. And also never missionary style. It's only me doing all the work on top. I just can't imagine a future as a celebate female! Once every 2 weeks with him doing nothing to pleasure me. It creates a physical and emotional distance and turns me off. If he had initiated every once in a while I'd reconsider. But even the sex position we have (I have to be on top) is indicitive of his lack of caring. He just lays there. He told me sex is like a chore because I'm always whining. I'm just going to find someone who's more fit and willing to have some physical intimacy every once in a while. All I was asking for is 1x per week for just an hour. He puts work, smoking, drinking, video games, and hanging out with friends before our physical relationship.

Unfortunately I've given him 3 opportunities to let me go, and he can't seem to. I've told him "This isn't fair!" "You're keeping me from expressing my love." I feel like I have to repress my natural desires and it makes me feel old and not vital. I'm willing to give him almost all the furniture I own even though I only work 1 day a week and am a nursing student. He makes 130K, but I'm afraid he'll not pay rent and try to ruin my credit or not let me out of the lease. (I've had to remind him every month to pay rent). I believe the reason he won't let me go is because he will feel like he failed.

He may not want to let you go because he is 41 years old and knows he is not likely to get someone else that would deal with him.
He's grown, he will survive.
Do what you have to do for you.

He may not want to let you go because he is 41 years old and knows he is not likely to get someone else that would deal with him.
He's grown, he will survive.
Do what you have to do for you.

Yes, it's sad... I totally agree! I was really willing to compromise down to 1x per week compared to what I really would prefer (and feel is normal 3x/wk). I've heard of women wanting it minimum 1x per day. And talking to a few close people who understand my boyfriend and I (and who support both of us) I tend to agree that what I desire is not unreasonable. I feel very deprived. And I don't think being in a relationship without sex (which is what I consider it to be now) is not a real romantic relationship-it's a friendship! He's tired of my whining, and I'm tired of his unhealthy low low libido that doesn't even begin to satisfy me. He has been a selfish lover. And I believe he doesn't understand women's needs. I think it's because he was raised by mom and sister. And he has quite a few women friends that he's never seen sexually. I think he's just one of those guys who is not quite in tuned with his sexuality.

You know the truth. He's not right for you. I think I can say that and deep down you know it... work through this, but don't let rent fears run your life!

Get rid, I'm 40 and me and my partner are at it like rabbits so nothing to do with his age.

Is this the same boyfriend from this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/boyfriends-low-libido-killing-our-relationship-458632.html

I'm 31, he's 41. We live together. I don't consider our sexlife good at all because he doesn't initiate. He's never been willing to foreplay and I have to do all the work to initiate. About a year ago he said his libido was down. Aside from the sex part, I consider this relationship to be very fulfilling.

But, because of the no sex part. Our last stretch of no sex was 2 months. Then, a week ago when I finally was don't being angry at him for the very unromantic getaway to San francisco (where there was no sex), I had to again initiate. It wasn't fulfilling because he's been doing what he's done for the last year which is lie on his back and let me do the work. (Which I don't even consider sex!). I feel totally rejected. I don't think this is normal for a guy. He was different when I met him. But he's very unhealthy (drinks 3x/wk, smokes cigarettes, smokes pot, and eats high fat, high cholesterol diet.)

So, with all of that said, I feel that there is no possibility of recovery for me. And after reading many of these forums on women who's boyfriends or husbands cannot initiate sex I don't feel that there is any hope. I would do anything if I thought there was away to repair the damage. And I also don't think that it's healthy for a couple to not have sex. We started seeing a counselor. I have told him I would really like to break it off and that I want what's best for him and what's best for me. It's not fair to be celibate. I'm 31, and need a man who is interested in sex. Every time I tell him I'm going to leave he throws a fit and ends up being very emotional. What keeps me from leaving is that we have an apartment together. I'm in school and can afford to split the rent, but not to move into a whole other apartment. Not to mention that I'm in school which would be quite stressful. I also don't want to leave him hanging. I spoke with the apartment manager and they said we could just post an ad. I also offered my boyfriend all of my furniture as collateral.

My question is: Is this a problem with older men? In the past I've been with guys who want it every day and who initiate every time. This to me is a total disappointment. I have spoken with him very candidly / open with honesty. He told me sex to him is like a chore. I've told him he's never sexually pleased me. We can only have sex on weekends in the morning because he'd never be able to get it up in the evening or have sex during the week because his job is so stressful. When we go on vacation together he's never interested either.

Help! I never want to deal with a guy with 0 libido again!. He's said in the past he's only had sex 1x every 2 weeks. He deals with stress from work, but has the ability to play video games 2 hours a day and go out drinking and come back at 5 in the am or be totally incapacitated the next day. (NO He's never cheated-and yes, I'm sure)

Ensure he consumes drum stick vegitable dailly once, try to be with him in the evening only, allow him to drink after sex & not before. Hope your problem will solve for ever. By BI