Earlier this week, my boyfriend came over for the holiday for a bbq. Well, I was reading most of the time he was over, even though he comes over every day he told later that night that it annoyed him that I couldn't put the book down ( it was getting to a very good part and I had to find out what was guna happen)(anyone who reads would understand). And I told him on the car ride home that it seemed he was mad at me for reading all day... he says I snapped and yelled when I'm positive I didn't snap or raise my voice. So later that night I text him explaining that I didn't snap and I was sorry for not putting my book down. Well, one thing leads to the next and we are in a huge fight. He sends me a text saying a not very nice thing and (by this time I was majorly heated) and told him to say it again hoping he would realize he said a mean thing and to apologize. Well, he didn't and I told him I didn't want to talk to him again. He took it as I was breaking up with him and called. Well, I spend the next hour crying and begging him to forgive me and to not let the relationship end. We are still together, but I know that I broke his heart when I said what I said. I really need some advice on how to at least begin to fix this mess I made and to make his heart heal again. He is leaving for the army next month, and I'm not looking for a quick fix but just some starting points on what I can do to start the healing.

You were reading. He did not like it. Yet its your fault. Comes over everyday. So it does not sound like it happens all the time.

This was blown right out of proportion, and honestly if fights like this happen over little things. I wonder what will happen when something series comes up.

Just a thought too, he is leaving for a month which is a very very big deal and maybe he just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible because he honestly will not know when he will be coming back.

It sounds like you both snapped, you both lost it, and YOU both should apologize to each other. So no it is NOT a major screw up.

You also said he said things too, it is a two way street and it sounds like you both said hurtful things.

Time to stop begging, time to mend fences and spend more time communicating.

Our problem is communication. And we had been getting better at it the last month or two. I apologized to him so many times, and even though he agreed that we are still together, things are obviously not okay. I may be asking an answerless question but what can I do or say that can beging the healing, for both of us but mainly to fix what I broke?

First of all do not shoulder all the blame like you are. That is your first mistake in all of this. It takes TWO people to work on a relationship not just one.

Secondly, stop apologizing and apologizing and apologizing. No matter what you say or do. This person that your are with will either want to be with you and work through things or not.

If you do not have communication and it is only one way or one sided. Meaning that your taking all the blame and he is letting you feel like it is your fault all the time.

Then this relationship is honestly doomed.

1) Stop begging.
2) Stop apologizing.
3) Stop trying to fix things that are not broken, that are not what you broke.
4) Maybe it is time to think things through whether this is a relationship you want to continue with or not. Sounds like he is not thrilled to be in it, maybe looking for an easy way out.
5) Except that maybe just maybe if this communication thing never gets resolved or is just one way, maybe this relationship is not worth it.

Edit: other people will answer your post and you will be able to get more perspectives and ideas on what you should do in this situation.

Last summer my boyfriend cheated on me with a girl he had met on vacation, she lived out of state and it was an internet "relationship". I had no intention of breaking up with him but I gave him hell for the next week to make sure he learned his lesson and to never do it again or else I'm gone. I forgave him and moved on, or so I thought.

Earlier tonight I get a text from him asking a question he would have asked me the first weeks of dating. Let me back up, I have a game on his phone that I play almost daily and when I go to grab his phone he spazzes out and grabs it before I can. Suspisious. So when he left the room, I snooped and read a text (which he was trying to hid from me) and it was from a girl I had never heard of before. I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want to hear that he was "talking" to her. Denial is bliss.
Okay, now back to tonight. I get the text and I confront him about it and ask him who she is and why he was hiding it from me all secretive like. He said she was a friend from an online game he plays and that it was under her real name and not the name I know her as. That made me feel a little better.
But before he told me who she was, I was flipping out because I do not trust ANY girl I don't know and trust completely, with him. (an ex "friend" tried getting with him). For awhile, he had lost contact with all friends from high school and didn't talk to anyone. And then suddely he is talking to a girl and I'm scared of being hurt and cheated on again.
1) is all this an irrational fear? I need some perspective.

Another thing is he says he confides in her and talks to her about me and out relationship. It buggs me that he can't come talk to me about it but I understand that he needs friends so I can't keep him all to myself. But it just bugs me. 2) is that logical or am i being hormonal?
So I guess what I'm trying to ask is: is is possible for a girl to be friends with a guy and have no intention of trying to start something with him?

Can someone answer as much as possible please? I need advice

You should have posted this with your other thread so we get the whole picture.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/major-screw-up-earlier-week-476272.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/think-may-ruining-relationship-464087.html

You should have posted this with your other thread so we get the whole picture.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/major-screw-up-earlier-week-476272.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/think-may-ruining-relationship-464087.html

The 2 threads have been merged to keep the whole story together.





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