I am separated and wishing to get a divorce, I have been separated since June 30, 2006. I have 3 children and live in Southern Cal while my ex lives in Northern Cal and does nothing to provide for our children. I have been away from him for almost 4 yrs now and he has never once paid me for child support nor ever come down to visit the children. Actually he tried last year, stating that he was going to be moving down here (with his girlfriend) who is the only reason he was able to come to So. Cal. He of course never moved here. He is sporadic at best about clalling the children and I feel like I have to chase him around (text him, leave him messages and emails) just to beg him to return the kids calls or to ask him to make calls to the children. He has never sent them a present or even a card for any birthday or holiday. He does not have a job and has not had a job since I left him. He is not a responsible citizen either. I believe his driver's license is supsended due to unpaid child support. He is a pathological liar as well... He recently began calling them kids in the last few weeks, telling them he was planning on moving here soon (over the summer). My problem is that he is full of empty promises and never ever follows through, if he did come out to visit, I would never ever trust him with the children on his own. He does not even know my youngest, who turned for a week ago. I know he would not voluntarily give up his rights... but do I have any chance to have them involuntarily terminated based on abandonement or lack of support/consistency in their life? I also want to know, should something happen to me, would my 3 children then be returned back to him? The one person who has had nothing to do with for the past 4 years? With no job, no car, no place to stay (he will stay at his girlfriend's house, his parents house or a friend's house but does not stay anywhere consistenty.)
Help... what can I do?
Thank you!

I think you should speak to an attorney about the entire situation and see what they recommend. They can research whether he has any income he's not disclosing to you, for example, and have part of it awarded to you if there is. You might also be able to arrange something through the courts related to visitation, for example making a case that he doesn't know the youngest so if he now wants contact, there needs to be structure and supervision to his visits until a relationship is established. And if he has no driver's license, you can ensure that he doesn't drive anywhere with the kids in the car.

You really need a lawyer.

I am separated and wishing to get a divorce, I have been separated since June 30, 2006. I have 3 children and live in Southern Cal while my ex lives in Northern Cal and does nothing to provide for our children. I have been away from him for almost 4 yrs now and he has never once paid me for child support nor ever come down to visit the children. Actually he tried last year, stating that he was going to be moving down here (with his girlfriend) who is the only reason he was able to come to So. Cal. He of course never moved here. He is sporadic at best about clalling the children and I feel like I have to chase him around (text him, leave him messages and emails) just to beg him to return the kids calls or to ask him to make calls to the children. He has never sent them a present or even a card for any birthday or holiday. He does not have a job and has not had a job since I left him. He is not a responsible citizen either. I believe his driver's license is supsended due to unpaid child support. He is a pathological liar as well... He recently began calling them kids in the last few wks, telling them he was planning on moving here soon (over the summer). My problem is that he is full of empty promises and never ever follows through, if he did come out to visit, I would never ever trust him with the children on his own. He does not even know my youngest, who turned 4 a week ago. I know he would not voluntarily give up his rights... but do I have any chance to have them involuntarily terminated based on abandonement or lack of support/consistency in their life?? I also want to know, should something happen to me, would my 3 children then be returned back to him? The one person who has had nothing to do with for the past 4 years? With no job, no car, no place to stay (he will stay at his girlfriend's house, his parents house or a friend's house but does not stay anywhere consistenty.)
Help... what can I do?
Thank you!

Let's see - if you want to get a divorce, file for one. Are you legally separated or just living apart?

Is there a child support order? If not, get one. If there is, go back to Court and enforce it. If he is a danger to your children, go to Court and attempt to get his visitation rights changed to supervised only - or none at all.

Yes, if you would die he would have rights to his children - UNLESS you have already gone to Court and the Court has determined he is unfit.

Does that cover it all?

First there is a sticky note at the top of this forum which discusses this issue.

Bottom line is you will be unlikely to get his rights terminated based on what you have said. Divorce him remarry and have your new husband adopt.

You mentioned that his license was suspended for unpaid support. That would indicate there IS a support order in place. If there isn't, then get one. At the same time ask for supervised visits only.