Danielleharris92
May 27, 2010, 06:04 PM
okay, here is a rough draft of part of the first chapter that I have been working on, basically its about a girl who has only had dreams of this boy her whole life. One day the dreams just stop and her dream boy turns out to be real once showing up at her school. Now it has changed where he is now dreaming of her day and so forth, I know it sounds a bit silly but it sounded better in my head lol. Anyway, just wondering if maybe you can take a look and see how I'm doing so far?
‘Dom finished pushing the last box to the door. Too exhausted to do anymore, he allowed himself to sit on the cardboard top. Sweat ran down his forehead, drenching his unusually black hair. Wiping it off with the end of his shirt he sighed. All day he’s been tortured with packing, lifting, pushing boxes, and watching his mother wonder around the house frantically like a chicken without a head. But that’s just her nature. Let the people under her do the hard work while she supervises and makes sure everything’s in place. You can take the woman out of the CEO office but you can’t take the CEO office out of the woman. He laughed at that thought.
“Dom! Stop being lazy and lift that box into the truck! We only have it till eight.” Glancing up, Dom saw her looming over him with a disappointed look. Speaking of the devil. “I swear, if you worked for me…”
“I’d be fired in a second, yeah, yeah…” He finished the sentence for her standing up. That was her favorite line for whenever she thought he looked lazy. Bending over Dom gripped the bottom of the box in a grunt and lifted it. Huffing out some air he started out into the blaring sun where the gigantic U-Haul stood. His mother followed ranting about something going on with work. Her work heals clattered on the sidewalk in rhythms with his breathes. It was easy for him to tune her out, he just didn’t care.
Finally to the edge of the truck, he lifted the box above his waist and slammed it in. Unfortunately his fingers went down with it. “Ahh.” He uttered surprisingly thrusting his hands from underneath it. His fingers throbbed from the impact. The feeling of the presence of his mom came as she looked over his shoulder with a frown. “Huh… ice will take care of that.” And with that she turned around and continued on with her work talk. Dom rolled my eyes keeping my fingers in my pocket.’
I rolled over on my pillow allowing the sun from my open window to bath my face. Slowly I opened my eyes and smiled. Poor Dom. Leaving all his friends and old grandparents behind so his mom can transfer over to another company for a better pay-check. He’s so selfless, let alone really cute.
I sat up in bed, stretching in anyway possible before getting completely up. I always start a good day thanks to Dom. He’s my dream boy. Literally.
Since as far as I could remember I’ve dreamed of one thing, and one thing only. Dom. I watched him grow, live and so forth. I know everything there is to him. If only he was real.
Some times it does feel very real, like I’m right beside him. I remember how I cried for weeks when I was younger when his puppy dies, he did too. I know he stills think about old Skippy, the way he’ll slow his pace every time he walks by the invisible grave in the garden. It would be interesting to see him asleep though. I mean I should have the right to, he is after all a figment of my imagination.
I walked out into the hallway, letting my feet slide on the cold tile floor. Yawning I entered the kitchen. “Good morning mom and dad.” I said allowed to myself. I knew they had already gone to there jobs, but it helped with the loneliness. “Well good morning Sera!” I answered in a scruffier voice. I smiled at my silliness and made some toast.
That’s one thing that me and Don have in common, the loneliness. I know that at school he’s constantly surrounded by his jock friends and fan girls, but he is still lonely inside. No one really knew him for him, they never tried to. The fan girls never got pass the looks, and the jocks never got pass the fact that he’s a chick magnet. I’ve watched him day after day sit in his room alone, just staring at the wall. The blank expression that clouded his face said it all. The only thing that showed that he was even human was the hurt behind those green eyes of his. What he wanted more then anything was to be loved… and love someone back. I’m sure during those times I have cried, knowing how it feels to live in a complete shadow. But unlike Dom, I am not showered with friends, or people who pretended to be my friend. I am a full blow loner. Never had anyone, never needed them though. I sighed as the toaster popped out my toast. I grabbed it without thinking and immediately let it fall from my fingers on the floor. “Hot, hot, hot!” I screamed blowing on my fingertips. I watched them turn a red and begin to puff. Stupid over heating toaster!
On cue I heard the rattle of dog tags start its way in. I glared at the fat poodle as he started to eat my breakfast. Never really liked that dog, never liked me either. In fact I don’t even think my dad thinks that dogs’ worth . It’s my mom who keeps it around and my mom that it only shows affection to. I took a few more seconds to mentally kill the dog then sighed and started back to my room. I could always buy breakfast at school.
I rode my bike at the steady pace as I always did with my brown messenger bag flowing behind me. Lifting my butt from the seat I stood on the petals and swerved through pot holes. I must be on a role. Not one pot hole yet. I smiled and closed my eyes allowing the light wind to fan my face. The air held the smell of rain and I loved it.
I could feel my auburn hair whip behind, like a flag signaling. Though of course I knew my streak of a smooth ride couldn’t last forever. I first felt the jolt threw my hands as the handle bars swerved and the front weal began to tip backwards. I yelped out of fear as I covered my face with my arms. I felt myself fall face first and hit the wet cement. I skidded against the asphalt feeling the stinging pain in my arms, hips, back, and legs.
I groaned up blocking my face. It could’ve been worse. I placed my hands on the wet street and pulled myself up, moaning with every move. My joints ached and I felt pretty scrapped up, but that’s why I keep Band-Aid in my locker. And that’s why I have to by a new pack every two weeks. I began to the middle of the cross street to my bike. I sighed with relief as I saw it was in one piece. I was only two feet away from it when a blaring horn came out of nowhere. I jumped back out of reflex as a giant U-Haul came blustering down the street and running over my bike. I screamed in horror. There was no way mom and dad was going to buy me another bike. I've already wrecked two in the past 8 weeks… three now.
I cursed at the giant bike smasher as it drove off; flipping the finger and shouting everything I knew would make me better. Some things I shouted were kind of childish but it got my rage down a notch. I bent down to my crippled bike and frowned. “Poor little guy, never got his first night ride.” I silently said my good by and continued on my way to the school. Yes I left the twisted metal in the middle of the street. Cars killed it, cars can bury it.
It wasn’t till I made it to class and walked to the door, that I realized that my pants were muddy from the fall. I closed my eyes and sighed out of anger. Stupid people.
No one questioned me being late, let alone why I was a band-aid mummy. It was pretty normal for me and its not like they cared anyway. I made my way to my seat in the back while the teacher continued to lecture over an English assignment that I'm sure I never started. As soon as I sat I immediately began to tune him out and go off in my own little world. For a while there Mr. Garza attempted to try and motivate me about my grade, but once he saw it was no use, he gave up and concentrated on those who wanted to pass.
The class went by fast as well as my Physics, Algebra 2, Lunch, World History, and Food Science and Nutrition. To my luck, we had work sheets that day and I didn’t have to cook, which means the building will stand for another day.
I noticed on my way home on how the sky stayed grey. I liked that. The wind was settle and not too cold, the streets still wet, and as I passed that cross walk were my bike was brutally murdered; I noticed that it was gone. I smiled knowing that I didn’t have to take of its carcass, and that my parents wouldn’t see it when they got home. How will I explain the disappearance this time? Alien abduction? I frowned… no. They didn’t seem to find that explanation as funny as I did.
“Some one stole it?” I said out loud, sounded reasonable. Now I just have to keep repeating it in my head till it sounds more like a statement and not a question.
When I finally made it home I noticed my dad’s old mustang already in the driveway. I wondered what happened at work this time. I walked through the awkwardly green door, scrapping my shoes on the mat as I did so. “Dad?” I asked. I knew he was home but was a habit. “In the kitchen… I have a surprise for you!” I stopped in mid of closing the door. A nerves jolt came to my stomach as I tried to figure out his tone of voice. He didn’t sound happy… kind of mad actually.
I closed the door and walked slowly. “Its okay, I don’t want it.” I muttered walking through the kitchen walkway. My dad sat there with a strained smile on his face. His dark hair was raggedy and uneven. A hint that he’s been running his hand threw his hair several times. I gulped. What did I do now? “Hi…” I slowly said taking a step closer. His arms uncross and that smile finally falls. I halted. Somehow his pale blue eyes darkened. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t notice it in this shape.” I tilted my head slightly in confusion… notice what?
Seeming to get irritated by my slow comprehension he pointed to the floor. I followed his finger and groaned. My bike more tangled up then usual. “I was on my lunch break when I ran over it. Mind telling me what happened?” The edge in his voice had me feeling little as I twisted my hands together. “Some one ran over it.” I whispered adverting my eyes. “So you leave it in the middle of the road!” I could tell this was bad… really bad. “I didn’t think you were going to be the one to find it.” I could tell my explaining wasn’t helping my case. Especially since he knows that I know that it was wrong; I’m just making matters worse.
He opened his mouth to say more but closed his lips suddenly. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he lifted his other hand to shoe me away. I took that exit with relief.
Quickly I walked to my room and closed the door. Maybe locked it even though that was a little eccentric. Throwing myself on the bed, I didn’t account for my messenger bag to bounce up and hit me in the stomach. I rolled over on my side with a groan, I hate being me.
‘Dom finished pushing the last box to the door. Too exhausted to do anymore, he allowed himself to sit on the cardboard top. Sweat ran down his forehead, drenching his unusually black hair. Wiping it off with the end of his shirt he sighed. All day he’s been tortured with packing, lifting, pushing boxes, and watching his mother wonder around the house frantically like a chicken without a head. But that’s just her nature. Let the people under her do the hard work while she supervises and makes sure everything’s in place. You can take the woman out of the CEO office but you can’t take the CEO office out of the woman. He laughed at that thought.
“Dom! Stop being lazy and lift that box into the truck! We only have it till eight.” Glancing up, Dom saw her looming over him with a disappointed look. Speaking of the devil. “I swear, if you worked for me…”
“I’d be fired in a second, yeah, yeah…” He finished the sentence for her standing up. That was her favorite line for whenever she thought he looked lazy. Bending over Dom gripped the bottom of the box in a grunt and lifted it. Huffing out some air he started out into the blaring sun where the gigantic U-Haul stood. His mother followed ranting about something going on with work. Her work heals clattered on the sidewalk in rhythms with his breathes. It was easy for him to tune her out, he just didn’t care.
Finally to the edge of the truck, he lifted the box above his waist and slammed it in. Unfortunately his fingers went down with it. “Ahh.” He uttered surprisingly thrusting his hands from underneath it. His fingers throbbed from the impact. The feeling of the presence of his mom came as she looked over his shoulder with a frown. “Huh… ice will take care of that.” And with that she turned around and continued on with her work talk. Dom rolled my eyes keeping my fingers in my pocket.’
I rolled over on my pillow allowing the sun from my open window to bath my face. Slowly I opened my eyes and smiled. Poor Dom. Leaving all his friends and old grandparents behind so his mom can transfer over to another company for a better pay-check. He’s so selfless, let alone really cute.
I sat up in bed, stretching in anyway possible before getting completely up. I always start a good day thanks to Dom. He’s my dream boy. Literally.
Since as far as I could remember I’ve dreamed of one thing, and one thing only. Dom. I watched him grow, live and so forth. I know everything there is to him. If only he was real.
Some times it does feel very real, like I’m right beside him. I remember how I cried for weeks when I was younger when his puppy dies, he did too. I know he stills think about old Skippy, the way he’ll slow his pace every time he walks by the invisible grave in the garden. It would be interesting to see him asleep though. I mean I should have the right to, he is after all a figment of my imagination.
I walked out into the hallway, letting my feet slide on the cold tile floor. Yawning I entered the kitchen. “Good morning mom and dad.” I said allowed to myself. I knew they had already gone to there jobs, but it helped with the loneliness. “Well good morning Sera!” I answered in a scruffier voice. I smiled at my silliness and made some toast.
That’s one thing that me and Don have in common, the loneliness. I know that at school he’s constantly surrounded by his jock friends and fan girls, but he is still lonely inside. No one really knew him for him, they never tried to. The fan girls never got pass the looks, and the jocks never got pass the fact that he’s a chick magnet. I’ve watched him day after day sit in his room alone, just staring at the wall. The blank expression that clouded his face said it all. The only thing that showed that he was even human was the hurt behind those green eyes of his. What he wanted more then anything was to be loved… and love someone back. I’m sure during those times I have cried, knowing how it feels to live in a complete shadow. But unlike Dom, I am not showered with friends, or people who pretended to be my friend. I am a full blow loner. Never had anyone, never needed them though. I sighed as the toaster popped out my toast. I grabbed it without thinking and immediately let it fall from my fingers on the floor. “Hot, hot, hot!” I screamed blowing on my fingertips. I watched them turn a red and begin to puff. Stupid over heating toaster!
On cue I heard the rattle of dog tags start its way in. I glared at the fat poodle as he started to eat my breakfast. Never really liked that dog, never liked me either. In fact I don’t even think my dad thinks that dogs’ worth . It’s my mom who keeps it around and my mom that it only shows affection to. I took a few more seconds to mentally kill the dog then sighed and started back to my room. I could always buy breakfast at school.
I rode my bike at the steady pace as I always did with my brown messenger bag flowing behind me. Lifting my butt from the seat I stood on the petals and swerved through pot holes. I must be on a role. Not one pot hole yet. I smiled and closed my eyes allowing the light wind to fan my face. The air held the smell of rain and I loved it.
I could feel my auburn hair whip behind, like a flag signaling. Though of course I knew my streak of a smooth ride couldn’t last forever. I first felt the jolt threw my hands as the handle bars swerved and the front weal began to tip backwards. I yelped out of fear as I covered my face with my arms. I felt myself fall face first and hit the wet cement. I skidded against the asphalt feeling the stinging pain in my arms, hips, back, and legs.
I groaned up blocking my face. It could’ve been worse. I placed my hands on the wet street and pulled myself up, moaning with every move. My joints ached and I felt pretty scrapped up, but that’s why I keep Band-Aid in my locker. And that’s why I have to by a new pack every two weeks. I began to the middle of the cross street to my bike. I sighed with relief as I saw it was in one piece. I was only two feet away from it when a blaring horn came out of nowhere. I jumped back out of reflex as a giant U-Haul came blustering down the street and running over my bike. I screamed in horror. There was no way mom and dad was going to buy me another bike. I've already wrecked two in the past 8 weeks… three now.
I cursed at the giant bike smasher as it drove off; flipping the finger and shouting everything I knew would make me better. Some things I shouted were kind of childish but it got my rage down a notch. I bent down to my crippled bike and frowned. “Poor little guy, never got his first night ride.” I silently said my good by and continued on my way to the school. Yes I left the twisted metal in the middle of the street. Cars killed it, cars can bury it.
It wasn’t till I made it to class and walked to the door, that I realized that my pants were muddy from the fall. I closed my eyes and sighed out of anger. Stupid people.
No one questioned me being late, let alone why I was a band-aid mummy. It was pretty normal for me and its not like they cared anyway. I made my way to my seat in the back while the teacher continued to lecture over an English assignment that I'm sure I never started. As soon as I sat I immediately began to tune him out and go off in my own little world. For a while there Mr. Garza attempted to try and motivate me about my grade, but once he saw it was no use, he gave up and concentrated on those who wanted to pass.
The class went by fast as well as my Physics, Algebra 2, Lunch, World History, and Food Science and Nutrition. To my luck, we had work sheets that day and I didn’t have to cook, which means the building will stand for another day.
I noticed on my way home on how the sky stayed grey. I liked that. The wind was settle and not too cold, the streets still wet, and as I passed that cross walk were my bike was brutally murdered; I noticed that it was gone. I smiled knowing that I didn’t have to take of its carcass, and that my parents wouldn’t see it when they got home. How will I explain the disappearance this time? Alien abduction? I frowned… no. They didn’t seem to find that explanation as funny as I did.
“Some one stole it?” I said out loud, sounded reasonable. Now I just have to keep repeating it in my head till it sounds more like a statement and not a question.
When I finally made it home I noticed my dad’s old mustang already in the driveway. I wondered what happened at work this time. I walked through the awkwardly green door, scrapping my shoes on the mat as I did so. “Dad?” I asked. I knew he was home but was a habit. “In the kitchen… I have a surprise for you!” I stopped in mid of closing the door. A nerves jolt came to my stomach as I tried to figure out his tone of voice. He didn’t sound happy… kind of mad actually.
I closed the door and walked slowly. “Its okay, I don’t want it.” I muttered walking through the kitchen walkway. My dad sat there with a strained smile on his face. His dark hair was raggedy and uneven. A hint that he’s been running his hand threw his hair several times. I gulped. What did I do now? “Hi…” I slowly said taking a step closer. His arms uncross and that smile finally falls. I halted. Somehow his pale blue eyes darkened. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t notice it in this shape.” I tilted my head slightly in confusion… notice what?
Seeming to get irritated by my slow comprehension he pointed to the floor. I followed his finger and groaned. My bike more tangled up then usual. “I was on my lunch break when I ran over it. Mind telling me what happened?” The edge in his voice had me feeling little as I twisted my hands together. “Some one ran over it.” I whispered adverting my eyes. “So you leave it in the middle of the road!” I could tell this was bad… really bad. “I didn’t think you were going to be the one to find it.” I could tell my explaining wasn’t helping my case. Especially since he knows that I know that it was wrong; I’m just making matters worse.
He opened his mouth to say more but closed his lips suddenly. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he lifted his other hand to shoe me away. I took that exit with relief.
Quickly I walked to my room and closed the door. Maybe locked it even though that was a little eccentric. Throwing myself on the bed, I didn’t account for my messenger bag to bounce up and hit me in the stomach. I rolled over on my side with a groan, I hate being me.