Hi. I've read a lot of the things on this forum and I've realized that the general rule of thumb is to not contact the girlfriend until she contacts me in a few months. I was wondering if that's the correct course of action in my situation...

Background: My girlfriend and I got together 2nd semester of our freshman year in college. We hit it off, got together, and lived together for the rest of our second semester of freshman year, the summer after, and the rest of our sophomore year too. However, my father had monetary issues and due to citizenship issues, I had to pay the tuition an international student pays, so I had to take a year off. However, I wanted to be with her so I stayed on the other side of the continent interning while waiting for a miracle to happen from my father's side. However, it turned out he was cheating on my mother and didn't want to support my family. That's another story...

Anyway, due to financial issues, I had to return home in California 4 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago, my girlfriend and I got into a stupid fight over MSN about nothing and we "broke up". Later she calmed down and asked me if I still loved her. I did a douche bag move and said "yeah, as a friend :)". Afterwards, I realized she really was going to break up with me... I know stupid huh? Later I called... I sobbed.. I begged her... (yeah I didn't read anything on this website until recently). I did this 2-3 times more... and she said she no longer has feelings for me. She told me she lost feelings for me 1 month before I left for home. However, she said she was willing to cope with that, but since I we fought a lot over the phone and I was on the other side of the continent now, she felt there was no reason to continue this relationship.

Now, I've tried my best to not contact her... However, circumstances forces me to talk to her from time to time.. We run an academic web journal together.. and she needs me to fix things. Do I ignore these requests? And for someone in my situation, does ignoring really work? I was thinking that if I just don't contact her or attempt to patch things up or at least maintain a vague friendship so perhaps we could meet again one day, we'll never see each other. We're on opposite ends of the continent and she's an international student from China. She graduates next year and might return to China for good... What do I do? I was thinking perhaps I'll wait a few months.. and if she contacts me I'll ask if I could come visit and perhaps try to work things out... either that or if she never contacts me... I'll still fly over.. make a lame excuse about how I had to go back to that town to settle things with my old university and wanted to see her.. or perhaps just tell her I missed her and visited... Can someone help me? I feel hopeless and planless..

P.S. I did a lot of thinking.. and I can understand why she stopped having interest in me 1 month before I left for good.. She told me the "romance died"... and I realized that during my year off, I eventually became a slob... I got used to her and stopped cherishing her... I want to fix all of this before I see her again. How do I somehow get back into her life when she's on the other side of the continent and show her I changed? Our original plans were that she would go to graduate school in California so we can be together after a year again.. and between that time we'd visit each other, but we broke up so.. damn it..


I forgot to add that in that short amount of time she already had a fling with someone else.. they had lunch/dinner dates and already kissed.. obviously a rebound but that really hurt me..

To bad for the circumstances you had to go through but that was no reason for you to be a big a-hole to this female.

I think you would be better served by getting your life unwrapped from hers, and worry about your own life, and leave hers alone.

You had to sit a year out of your education, yet you worry about spending money you don't have to see someone who has dumped you. Not logical, so worry about you, and leave her alone, and cut the contact about this journal, she can get someone a lot closer to deal with it, because right now, you have more important issues to confront, and overcome.

No if, ands, or butts about it, learn from the past, and build a better future for yourself, instead of chasing a female you ran off, by being an immature a-hole. Let be honest guy, if she DID take a second look, what would she see?? The same guy who was mean to her? Yep, that's exactly what she would see now.

Guy's always say the wrong things at the wrong times! This is sweet though and it's touching how far you would go to try to get her back, however, I don't think she wants you back. It's obvious that she has started to move on if she already is dating and talking to other guys. I would advise you to do the same. If it's meant to be she will come back. But if not then you won't be waiting around for nothing. Get back out there and find another, I know it's easier said than done, I recently went through something like this too, but I was on the other end. Guy's don't realize how their words affects us women. And we carry that with us for a long time, we don't just forget with and "i'm sorry" that is rarely genuine. You've learned something here. Don't talk to females like they don't matter and that you don't care if you loose them, because it's a b**** when you do. Always treat your woman with respect and love, and she will have no reason to leave you. I would just count this one as a loss :( even though it hurts I'm sure you'll find another, and who knows maybe down the road you will find each other again and try it one more time