Hi my girlfriend told me she was past the in love stage of our relationship. See we just gotten back together after a short break up. It's been a rough realationship I'm feeling so insecure because she compliments Converse an always saying guys were looking at her like wow. I've been feeling like I'm in this relationship all alone an the other day she said she was past the in love part of the relationship but I love her so much an I will do anything for her. I've done so much an have spent so much money on her that now I think she is just using me. She said hurtful things to me and as much as I have done for her the very few times I said I can afford it she blows up, I stay calm an try to explain to her that I have bills to pay. She is so selfish an unappreciative that it's  ruin our relationship. She said that I always want her attention an wants to be around her so I went out with some friends she was calling and getting upset until I said I was about to go home. She don't make me feel loved wanted or appreciated. Im not controlling but I do ask her to be respectful. She's going to Miami in a few days wit some friend I told her don't stay out too late she said you don't tell me what to do it's my vacation.Yesterday she got all crazy with me because I told her she was spending unnecessary money I appologize but even after that she went on an on. So I sent her a text message say I'm sorry then I prayed about it and she haven't called me in almost two days. I'm not feeling bad at all maybe because I know I didn't do anything wrong but be a good man to her. What should I do now, I been thinking about her but I know I deserve better. Please help me cause I'm lost I love her.

Certainly sounds like this Relationship is a one way street , you seem to be doing all the giving and her all the taking.

Having said that you only get what you put up with and if you want respect I say you demand some or your off. Sitting around like a little puppy obeying her every demand is certainly not going to change the way she treats you.

Thanks. I really want to be tougher but I'm really a nice guy when it comes to her. Honestly she have said so many hurtful thing to me that myself confident was gone. She have put me though so much pain. I really was thinking I should let her see how's her life without me. What's my next move how could I get her to treat me better and want me?

If I were you I'd start to pull back and don't put up with her cr*p. Don't be there every time she claps her hands and that'll make her realise she can't push you around , either that or she'll leave. If she does your far better off in my opinion.

Disappear from her life because she doesn't seem to appreciate, or deserve you. I think if you really loved yourself as much as you say you love her, then you would stand up to her, and not take her crap. Sorry guy, but its you who have shown her how you want to be treated, and she is just doing what you let her. There needs to be consequences for her behavior, and disappearing and being unavailable for any more crap is a good way to convey you no longer will be her doormat, and you are worth more, and deserve a better female.

Your so rite, I mean did I love her too much? I haven't call text or emailed her in about two days should I text or email her? I even had a serious talk wit her I told her how the simple thing she can do will make me so happy
Like a simple text message every now and then. When we talk she never ask how my day was all she talks about is herself all the time. My question is should I contact her?

My question is should I contact her?

NO , let her make an effort for a change.



And read the 1st line in Talaniman's signature , and abide by it.

Thank a lot you been very helpful.

Yea man cut your losses, from what you told us she seems to be completely using you while purposely putting you on a short chain so you are nice and don't piss her off.

Imo it's only a matter of time before things go way south, at least if you break it off it will give her things to think about. Plus you would be amazed at how much easier a break up is when you're the one who does the breaking.

If I came up to you and gave you the option of dating me instead of her, would you?

Now, if I told you that I'd respect you, text you randomly, give you gifts randomly, appreciate all that you do for me and have a two way street relationship with you, would you leave her for me?

If I told you that I can love you 546841685 times better than she can, will you leave her for me?

Now, if I told you that YOU can respect yourself, buy yourself gifts randomly, appreciate what you do for yourself, and have a good relationship with yourself, WILL YOU LEAVE HER FOR YOURSELF or will you hurt yourself for someone that isn't worth half of what you can do/give yourself?

Think about it, buddy. YOU control how others treat you. It's a tough lesson to learn but once you get it, that dead light bulb above your head will light the hell up.

Forget about her and focus on yourself.

Write a list of all the things you do for her and all the things she does for you and compare it. Which list is longer?

Write a list of all the things you like about her and all the things you dislike about her. Which list is longer?

Now, write a list of HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED and check off all the ways she treats you. How many checks do you have?

Would you ever allow a girl to treat your future son badly? If not, why would you let it happen to yourself?

Do not contact her. Why should you?

I see this as a relationship that developed into one person demanding their needs be met, and another person filling that role. I don't see any happiness for you at all- so far.

But, that being said, this 'tit for tat' idea of she does this, so you retaliate with that, and she then does something else, and you do something else, and the point is what exactly? What will be gained by doing or being someone that you are not comfortable with, just to get her attention and hope that she will notice you. And in so doing, the relationship is supposed to be better after all the game playing?

This isn't about teaching her a lesson.

She can't be 100% faulted for you feeling dejected, hurt, confused, worn out, and used. Where does your responsibility lay in all of this? You say you love her, but just what is it about her that you love so much, that you would give up yourself to see?

She can't take all the blame for you not addressing the basic needs of the relationship. You have to accept some consideration to your own actions, in allowing this to go on, unchecked. Your needs are not being met, and hers are. Think about why that happened, and if it is possible that she is willing, and you are strong enough, to make some changes to allow for both parties to give and take.

If she is willing to continue to take, and you are willing to keep giving, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Your question was, 'should I move on my girlfriends too selfish', deserves some direct communcation to her, about how you feel. If you don't see a way to communicate effectively, and she doesn't try, then you have your answer.

I have had serious talks with her about how I feel. She said I want all her attention an she's not use to being affectionate. We are in a relationship I don't ask for much so I told her you should put more into this relationship because I feel like I'm the only one trying to make it work.

A few weeks ago I went out with my friend something I rarely do, she was calling texting getting so upset and jealous. When I saw her she asked me every Lil detail about what happened when I went out. It was a good feeling cause it seem like she cares then she said I'm going to start going out since you want to. Ok. One other thing she does she compliment guys, not just saying he cute but really goes on an on about a man, so I tell her To stop I don't want to hear that. I mean I rarely ever get any type of compilment from her. I'm just trying to stay strong I've followed the NO CONTACT rule for 4days now.

We haven't officially broken up yet but she haven't even attempt to contact me. She going to Florida tomorrow an I know she's excited about that maybe I will get a call after that. If she call or text what should I say to her?

I would take the time while she is gone, to have a break from her.

While you ponder what the future holds for you and her, try to be as realistic as you can, and put some thought into integrity, honesty, self-assurance, and confidence. That is the least you should expect from yourself, and from her, toward you.

Communicating needs and wants, and being able to talk without fear of ridicule and scorn no matter what you have to say, is a sign that the relationship has at least some foundation from which to grow.

If on the other hand, most of the information you learn about your partner, is what you have to guess at, as far as motivation and meaning, then you aren't even out of the starting gate.

Relationships are hard work! They just don't work because you want them to, or because the other partner throws a few crumbs your way and things are good for a few days. When you think long term partnership, you need to do the steps and accomplish a certain level of a vision for the future, that includes your needs, and her needs. And that means compromise and consideration for the other.

The work never stops because people are unpredictable, even when you think you know them well. The test is how much you can rely on the foundation you have built, in order to overcome the problems in the future.

I think I would have disappeared a long time ago, and let her wonder what happened. For sure I would never allow the disrespect and humiliation that you have without standing up for myself.

There just ain't that much love in the world that requires you to give up your dignity, and self respect, for a little attention from a selfish female.

Work on repairing the damage she has done without her.

Thanks so very much!! After getting help from y'all I realize now Im really not losing much. Now I can start saving all the money I won't have to give her

Your honest opinion from what you guys have read did I do anything wrong, was I too needy too sensitive or just too in love?

Just a fool for love, but you are not alone in that. We all have been fools for love, and it's a painful lesson to learn.

It's not going to be easy but you need to consider your own emotional health and hard-earned wealth. $ is something I've never personally dealt with as a relationship issue but the rest of your post sounds very familiar.
It's OK to let go. It may hurt you and her but it won't kill either of you. You do deserve better because it's obvious that you have one very important priority about relationships. Respect. She seems to lack it. You don't. That's not a good match. Believe me... I just went through the same thing... yesterday. Stay strong!

Thanks so what steps should I take to rebuild myself confident?

Focus on building a life that you enjoy with friends, and activities that make you happy.

And read the stickies., and leave her completely alone. I guarantee, the confidence will come out of your ears, and you will fart perfume(?). :eek:

Cool I'm looking forward to having a great life without her.

Cool I'm looking forward to having a great life without her.

Don't forget that you said that... and that you want to start a new life without her. You need to remember this.

The reason why is what will happen when she comes back from Florida and contacts you, asking you for money or something. What will you do? Will you go running back to her?

What will you do if she contacts you and tells you she is sorry and she will try to change? Will you give her another chance? Or will you keep the NC rule and not respond to her?

I know its hard to be strong, but it could hurt a lot more to give in when she comes callings, so remember what you said in the above quote... :)

I didn't think about that. I will try to be strong an read somemore helpful info from this site. If she calls or text an I'm all alone doing nothing. Give me some advice if you were in that situation and she calls or text?

What should I say if her mom call me? She always tell me how I'm a great guy she even tell her daughter that she is really blessed to have a guy like me. Her mom 60 year old and single. She told her she wish she had a guy that was as great as I was. I don't know why she treated me so bad I been nothing but good to her.

Lastnite I didn't get any sleep, thinking about her all night. Please someone tell me if I'm doing the right thing (NC). I know she's not right for me but I'm getting so weak. I'm so sad and lonely Im always wondering if she miss me at all.

Help me please any advice or encouraging words

You are doing the right thing. Breakup sucks, it will take time to get over it. It'll get easier if you keep the NC and do not break NC because it will set you back. I am currently doing NC and it has been 5 months. Keep it up u're doing great.

You will have low moments, whether you have a girlfriend or not, so stay NC until you can handle the low moments.

Should I at least send a text to see if she had a safe flight today??

Should I at least send a text to see if she had a safe flight today???

Nooooooo

That's not No Contact :rolleyes:


If you do , and get no response you'll just feel like cr*p waiting for it , if you do get a response you'll fall straight back into false hope and read positives where there aren't any.

Be honest with yourself and ask why are you wanting to do so , it's to get a bite out of her and cling on to any semblence of hope you have , right.

She sounds like a piece of work but your problem is you and your lack of self esteem. She has done what you have allowed her to do. You're not happy and you're broke and you're asking if you should move on. What do you think?

You sound like a very nice guy and I'm sure there is a young lady out there who would be thrilled to have you. You don't have to buy love and be abused just to have a woman give you a second of attention.
Leave this woman alone and discover what you like to do, have some fun, make yourself happy and when you do, when you begin to appreciate and love yourself, you will no longer allow someone to treat you with such disrespect.
I wish you well.

I didn't text her... Im so thankful I asked the question before I trired to contact her. Thanks everybody for being there for me I truly needed that.

You are going to be fine.
Don't give her the satisfaction of returning her texts or phone calls or anything.
You deserve better.

Update her mom called me lastnite and told me I was a really great guy I deserve so much better then her daughter. That's coming from her mom but her mom is the sweetest person. I don't want to NC her mom she's always cared and been there for me.

What should I do or say to her mom?
Her mom ask me if I could meet her for lunch tomorrow.
Thanks everyone. I need some advice.

Meet her mom for lunch. I hope is does not try and talk you into staying with this girl.

Hey I met up with her mom for lunch an she pretty much told me that I was a good man. Also told me her daughter was immature an I should demand to be treated with respect. I'm trying to move on but its hard. Thanks for the support everyone

What you should do is to leave her alone.

Threads merged


My girlfriend said she loves me but our relationship is lacking an emotional connection. I'm very affectionate I'm always there when she needs me.

It's hurtful to hear my girlfriend say that. I don't get it cause I haven't really change but she's wants our relationship to be the way it was about a year ago. We haven't been physical in a while because of the lack of emotions.

I also notice when I'm not as nice and sweet she kind of shows me more affection. We spend a lot of time together but lately I've given her more space an I hang out with my friends more. It's driving me crazy and now Im not sure but I don't want to cheat.

My question is: am I going about this the right way by not spending much time with her cause it seem like I get much more affection even though I don't like this? 

My other question: what can I do to get a better emotional connection and make her really want me more?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-move-girlfriends-too-selfish-473206-2.html

Is this the same girlfriend?

If it is then I can only mirror the advice in the other thread.

This relationship is on the road to no where,I think your both too immature for a serious relationship and probably would be better parting.

Your not sure you don't want to cheat, she's hot and cold,and you want her then don't want her,then not sure... it must be exhausting.

Whoa dude, you mean you got back together? How about filling us!! Tell us what you had to fix?

Off hand, I would say nothing was fixed, you just wanted to get back together. Reread your other post guy, you can't please her at all because the emotional connection is lacking on her part, and no matter what you do as far as spending time, and the rest of your tactics, will mean nothing because she ain't feeling it.

Are you officially back together? Or "working on it"?


My question is: am I going about this the right way by not spending much time with her cause it seem like I get much more affection even though I don't like this?
Its always good to have other things to do in your life that you enjoy, to keep your life balanced and give a partner some breathing room to enjoy themselves without you. Easier to appreciate and miss a person that way and you won't be taken for granted.

My other question: what can I do to get a better emotional connection and make her really want me more?
You can't!! That's something that a partner has to realize on their own, without your influence, and you have NO CONTROL over the feelings of another, NONE!!

If they can't love you for who you are, then they likely never did, or will!!

In my experience you don't go past the "in love" stage you're either in it or you're not, and you never go past it, because in saying that then you aren't in love and possibly never have been, unless its like 20 years down the line, then its possible you or a person may feel they have fallen out of love.

I agree with what others have advised you to do, cut your losses and move on, if your girl feels no connection then there is no connect, you can't make a person love you or want you, no matter how well you treat them, if its not there, then its not there.

Don't waste your time trying to find ways to get her to want you.

Forget it go live your own life and one day you'll meet a girl who has got that feeling for you, and you for her, one sided relationships never work.

After I went ( no contact ) she called texted and left voice mails, she say we really needed to talk. One day after about 9 days NC we talked an I told her we could work on it and the things I exspected.

We agreed to try to work on it,it has gotten so much better in most ways. We had a talk yesterday because I was getting affection but nothing physical. I was real upset because I haven't pressured her at all and when we were all kissy huggy I wanted more. After about 30 minutes we had a talk and she say she love me but we've just gotten back together and the emotional connection wasn't like it use to be about a year ago.

I thought I would share this with y'all to get some help or great advice
And thanks for everything.

This morning she called me to come over we talked some more and she was telling me how thankful and sorry she was again for the way she had been treating me in the past. I haven't given her any money.
One more thing I've met a new girl that real sweet an kind I told her my situation and she's cool we've hung out a few times but I still love my old girl.
Any advice?

I was getting affection but nothing physical. I was real upset because I haven't pressured her at all and when we were all kissy huggy I wanted more
Re think your idea of no pressure. It sucks, why even lock lips if you can't control YOURSELF?


One more thing I've met a new girl that real sweet an kind I told her my situation and she's cool we've hung out a few times but I still love my old girl.
So why are you hanging around the new girl if you love the old one? We use to call that LUST, what do they call it now?

Leave your old girl friend alone. She still does not know what she wants.
Don't mess with a new girl until you are over the old one. It's not fair to her and it's tacky.

One more thing I've met a new girl that real sweet an kind I told her my situation and she's cool we've hung out a few times but I still love my old girl.
Any advice?

Sounds to me as though you've already started distancing yourself from your old g/f. Either that or you're - perhaps subconsciously - using the new one to rebound (emotionally if not physically).

You probably need to back off from the whole thing and give yourself time to process what you really feel - and want.

If you do want to make another go of it with your old g/f, don't rush back into her arms. You need to take it very slowly and rebuild trust. No dispect to your old g/f, but she may just be saying these things because she's afraid of losing you. Keeping some distance from her will show her that you're no longer her doormat, and will also protect you from getting hurt.

Would you want this selfish woman to be the mother of your children and raise them to become just like her? You are a giver. Find someone who appreciates that quality in you.

You sound like a frustrated horn dog to me. They more you write, the more I think that way.

No I'm not a horn dog,LOL!
So I should distance myself from her?
It's like, now since I've started doing a bunch of things without her
Not taking all her phone calls or texting her back right away she's been real sweet.

I really want to be with her but I want her to continue to treat me the way she's treating me now. Last weekend we went out to dinner with some of her friend and later that night she received a messages from one of her friends say " he's a very handsome respectful sweet guy, you done a great job".

I been getting out a good bit staying busy meeting new people. When we are spending time together I don't give her all my attention an I texted on my phone. Honestly, I pretend as if I don't care even though that's not the case. It's just when I act that way she's all over me wanting to hold hands get jealous an affectionate. I know this sound crazy but I love it.

I'm wondering if I should continue to be this way or will my action eventually push her away? I don't have a problem with being this way as long as I get this same treatment from her.

The games people play. Sigh! Why bother. Where is your pride?

Thanks for proving you're a horn dog, trying to get some, and you're a jerk for playing mind games with a very young female, and a more mature one would have given you the boot.

That you enjoy all this game playing is a true testament of your own maturity and character and no self respecting female would be bothered by your feeble self serving attempts to get attention from this girl, or get in her pants.

Before you get you underwear in a bunch what advice would you give a guy if he was treating your sister this way? You are ego driven, and needy for attention, and your little head is telling your big head what to do. You are not trying to build something, but get what you want from this situation at the expense of another, and frankly acting like an immature little prick!

Are you getting the idea I hate guys like you with a passion! You would be dead on the money.

You need to stop playing games is what you need to do.
You are still hung up on this girl. Play games and you are no better than she is.

I'm not playing games An I listened to the advice that was given to me
Now sense she's treating me right I want to keep it that way. What's wrong with wanting attention from my girlfriend?

That's why I'm here to get help an advice now since Im getting the attention everybody calling me names. What should I do let her go or have another serious talk with an let her know how I feel about the way she's treating me now. I will let the other girl know that I love my old girlfriend an I'm going to try and make it work?

Let me know don't get upset with me I'm just loving the attention I'm getting from her an don't want it to change.

You should not pretend or try and be someone other than who you are to get attention from a girl. As bad a she treated you, she is who she is. If this works for you, go for it. If she gets nasty again and she will when she gets tired of you, leave her tail alone. I think right now you are a diversion for her.
There is nothing wrong with you, you are just hooked on a drama queen and a user.

Definitely leave the other girl alone until you get your head on straight.

Your so right she's back to her old ways. I paid $340 yesterday so her A/C can be fixed, then I asked her if she could bring me some lunch to work because I was having a very busy day
I mean she said she didn't have any money yet she just got paid and bragging about these diamond earring she bought.

I was on my way home so I called her an ask if she could take a sec turn to the game and tell me the score. She said OK and held the phone for about three minutes. I asked what's the score she said I'm gon check it when my TV show goes off. I mean it was only going to take five sec to check. Game seven of the finals.

I can't get nothing from her I feel like a stupid sucker can't sleep can't work
I'm tired of feeling used an I know it's my fault.

you're wasting your time on her. You deserve better than her ^_^

I'm tired of feeling used an I know it's my fault.

Good breakthrough you just had. Now leave this woman alone.
The first time you're a victim, after you know the drill, you're a volunteer.
Stop volunteering to be treated poorly.
No more phone calls texts, nothing. Leave her alone.

Haha it's probably not worth writing but you really should try to apply the advice you have been given here. To be honest you're only going to get the same 2-3 variations of the same answer as well because there is really only one thing you can do...

Leave her! My rule has always been unless the other is moving through a financial low then never spend more than 50% over the dollar amount of what you're receiving. If you spend 350 on her then I wouldn't give her a cent until she did something pretty special for me. But hey man it's your money, do with it whatever you wish.

But you're the one making yourself look like the fool, she is probably always going to go back to the way she is, because that is the way she is. You can't change her or ask her to change as a circumstance of your relationship. She has to choose it for herself.

Also you may not think you're playing games but your playing a classic. It's been known forever and a day that when you pull attention and kindness away from your partner they seem to triple theirs because they think something is wrong, When in fact you're just being a $#ck.