Hi everyone. I need some advice. My situation mirrors a lot of the other situations I've read around here but I hope mine may be a little different. So here goes.

I've been with my fiancé for almost 7 years. 3 years in we broke up really bad because she was "involved" with someone. I know this because she admitted it. Long story short, she married this guy after a month and found out he was very abusive. She kept running back to me when things got rough. You see at the time we had a 2 year old son. I kept him because I didn't want this guy raising him. I knew of him but it was too late to stop her. After all the abuse she took, she found out she was pregnant to her dismay. She kept it and I took her back in because we still loved each other. It took her a long time for her to leave because of her being worried he would come after her.

Now her other son is 2 and our wedding date is coming up in a few months. I've raised the child as my own and she is very grateful for that. She was excited about it but now it seems like she doesn't want to anymore. I tried to compromise with her (i.e. Court Wedding, Private Wedding, etc). At one point she confessed she is terrified of marriage because of what happened before. I tried to tell her that she has known me a long time and I would never do that but it didn't matter.

After sitting down and talking she confessed she wanted a break. She wanted to sort out a lot of things in her life. She took her youngest son and went to her friends house a few minutes down the road.

She tells me she is coming back and not to worry. She says she still loves me and she thinks we are not over yet. I feel I have lost control of the situation and the only thing I can do is let her take her time. The only thing I fear is that she will find someone else in that time. I know it may or may not happen but it still sits in my mind.

I am going to take this time to get my life in order as well whether she comes back. But my biggest headache comes from how all of a sudden she can wake up and say I don't know if I love you anymore. I asked her many times to tell me if a problem like that arises but she bottles it up inside.

I know you people are going to tell me to move on, and maybe I should but I am attached to her youngest son and I don't want my oldest son growing up without his mother. I can't tell if I am being played or if she really means it. For now, I'm just playing it out.

Should I take her back if she comes to me and says she is ready?

But my biggest headache comes from how all of a sudden she can wake up and say I don't know if I love you anymore.

We see this here all the time , you think it's all of a sudden but believe me it's something she's had on her mind for a while. She's made up her mind for now so best to let her deal with her Demons.

I suggest you just give her some time and space as that's what she's asked for , this will make you look better in her eyes rather than chasing and pushing her further away.

Good luck Buddy and keep us posted on your progress.

We see this here all the time , you think it's all of a sudden but believe me it's something she's had on her mind for a while. She's made up her mind for now so best to let her deal with her Demons.

I suggest you just give her some time and space as thats what she's asked for , this will make you look better in her eyes rather than chasing and pushing her further away.

Good luck Buddy and keep us posted on your progress.

Thanks, I will. I know it's hard. Just today she came to get a few things. What's weird is I was helping her get things, which is in my eyes generous, and she gave me a hug and I lost it. I felt embarrassed, and she started to cry a little bit as well. She kept telling me, "Don't worry, I'm coming back" but it didn't help the situation. She tells me she's OK and doing fine, but the look in her eyes says otherwise. She's being strong and I commend her for that. I just hope this isn't a chance for her to cheat on me. The place she is staying is where her friend that's a guy lives. She claims she hasn't slept with him but I've heard that before from her long ago when before she left for her abusive husband.

Thanks for the warm reply. I keep telling her she can take all the time she needs and for her to be serious about it. I will give her all the space she wants. In the meantime, I'm getting my life together, not for her but for me. If she does leave then I'll look like a bum and I can't accept that.

I think your doing the right thing , just don't think she's going to cheat because of the past. That'll send her signals that won't sit well.

Unfortunately the situation is out of your control right now but you can show your support by giving her what she says she needs. I know it's hard , life sucks sometimes.

Good luck Megaherz , I really hope it works out for the best for you.

I really don't know what to say to you, because if you get back together! You will always be wondering "what if" and "will she"

You sound like you care about this lady an awfull lot and would be willing to do anything for her, its just a shme when people don't appreciate it!

I no how you feel though, (take a look at my post)

I only joined this website yesterday and it has reeally helped me, because I take my time to read through other people posts and comment on the and read what people have to say about my post and it passes the time and makes me realise that I'm not the only one this happenes too.

Good luck and remember whatever happenes you will still always have your beautiful SON! :) xx

She takes her son, and moves in with a single guy? Say it ain't so.

You have been with this female for 7 years and she has left, and come back, and left again, and still isn't ready to commit and be married.

Don't take her back, but work on being parents. I think you want her too much, and she knows you will be there to catch her whatever she does.

Her actions before and now are all about getting away from you and sorry in my eyes needing a break, and moving in with another guy is a cold slap in the face, and you should be angry she runs away instead of work with you.

No way should you even be tolerating this behavior yet again.

Seems you didn't learn your lesson the first time, so here we go again.

You are not alone though as many go through hell trying the best way they know how to keep a family together for the children. Seldom does that lead to joy, and happiness, but misery and pain is pretty much guaranteed. That's what you will have until you get sick of it.

You deserve so much more than you're getting.

Looks like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to have her boyfriends and hang onto you, so you're available when there's no other man in her life.

It appears to me that she knows that you deeply love her and thinks that you will always be there to pick up the pieces.

People in healthy relationships stay together so they can work on their problems, they don't move out because then nothing gets worked out.

Don't allow her to use you and confuse your son. Concentrate on parenting and move on.

I have a similar situation, except my fiancée relapsed on drugs, and keeps cheating on me with another guy. She keeps coming back to me. She says she loves me, and then tells me that she is going to go on a road trip with him. She says she loves me, but her actions do nothing but suggest otherwise. Too much pain. I blocked her on AT&T "parental controls". I cannot call her or text her now, and vice versa. I blocked her on Facebook. I changed my gmail settings so that her emails are automatically deleted when sent to me. I will not be there for her to fall back on every time she decides she wants a better life; every time she decides she wants to be sober. If she calls me from a different number I will hang up as soon as I realize it is her. It is not worth talking to her. I have two times now gone a couple weeks without her, and then once we talk just for a few second on the phone, the whole cycle begins again. I am not going to put myself through this again. I love her so much, but not enough to destroy myself for someone who in actuality does not act as though they love me. People who act like this bear all the signs of a narcissist. Why should we be used for their selfish needs?