So I became friends with this guy back in December because I didn't feel any sparks. In February I started to feel something so we started dating. No titles, just dating. Its now almost the end of May and I am feeling myself getting irritated with him.

1. He is VERY competitive. Everything is a competition, if I say I had fun driving someplace he says "I could do it better" and we're always debating over stupid things, like whether certain vegetables have nutrition.

2. I still have yet to meet ANY of his friends or family. He got burned by his ex-gf last year -- she cheated on him with his brother, and now she and his brother are together. I've asked. I've even planned parties/bbqs and told him to invite anyone he wants. I've asked to go to his basketball games, everything. He's met my dad and almost all my friends. I still don't even know where he lives.

3. He's always thinking I'm going to do something to hurt him. I told him I wanted to go to my friends birthday party in Seattle but didn't want to drive because its not safe to go alone. He said "whatever you want to do. Just know that I'm a trusting person and if you get drunk and betray me then that will be the end of it", and he's always saying "well, if you want to just go back to being friends thats ok" so I don't know if he's looking for a way out or what.

Those are the 3 major things. He's become more distant lately, and I know he works a lot, but he's really gotten kind of whiny and not trusting. If I make a joke, he takes it personal.

Any advice? Thanks!

Sounds like there are too many red flags and incompatibilities. If you are already annoyed by him and you aren't in a relationship, what makes you think a relationship would make those go away? (They will only be amplified!)

It also sounds like he didn't really recover from his last relationship if he is making threats to you about being trusting etc.

I would save yourself the time and misery, don't be in a relationship with this guy.

I would be irriated too, but have you tried talking to him about this stuff yet? In other words, if he knew you were irritated would that surprise him? I'm wondering if he doesn't even realize that he's being irritating and completely irrational bringing up that fact that you might cheat when it doesn't sound like you've given any indication that you've been thinking about it.


It doesn't sound like he's ready to be in any kind of relationship.

I have told him when I'm irritated, and I have talked to him about how him being competitive makes me feel. I really haven't held anything back at all. And he takes this as I hate him. Plus he's really upset that I am I taking so long in committing to him.

And he takes this as I hate him.

Sounds like he has some internal issues if he can't take your honest attempt at resolving an issue.

If it's this messed up now, I would hate to see it in a relationship.

I have told him when I'm irritated, and I have talked to him about how him being competitive makes me feel. I really haven't held anything back at all. And he takes this as I hate him. Plus he's really upset that I am I taking so long in committing to him.

I'd say you have good reason for this...

The guy is not very good for you... he needs to work on himself before he can be in a relationship with you or anyone for that matter..

If you are looking for a project, like a time-consuming and frustrating project, you can be with him, but if you are not looking for all that hard work, then I think its best you let him go and find someone else in time.

Sounds to me like he's brought across some baggage from his previous Relationship.

The whole "if you betray me it'll be the end" thing reeks of insecurity and you haven't even done anything to earn the mistrust.

I can't see him changing anytime soon and he possibly needs some time without being in a Relationship to find himself without any emotional attachments , I suppose it's a matter of how long are you willing to put up with it.

I have told him when I'm irritated, and I have talked to him about how him being competitive makes me feel. I really haven't held anything back at all. And he takes this as I hate him. Plus he's really upset that I am I taking so long in committing to him.

I don't see you as compatible really, and that's okay. I think you get honest with him very soon though, as he deserves a decision, no matter what it is.

I think he is insecure.
I think you are being fair.
I would tell him everything calmly you are concerned about,
So it sinks in later. It's OK to give it a little more time to see if he adjusts, which is unlikely. Then, if you need to end it, mention the things you said before and say it may be possible that you both would benefit from some time to work on your lives. He won't be happy, but at least you were fair.

Ash,

I am new to this forum but have read your posts and find them enlightening. If I had a question for you what is your preferred form of messaging. Thank you.

Just an update, I let him know that I did not want to date him any longer as he still refused to introduce me to friends and family. The next day he says he was planning a surprise bbq for that afternoon so I could meet his dad, an uncle and his friends. After I said I still wasn't interested he got mean. I think I dodged a bullet with this one. So insecure! He even brought up MY ex when I told him I didn't want to date him. Wow!