Hi,its been 2 days since I have been reading posts like mine in this forum and believe me,I'm so very impressed and glad that there are so many people who are willing to help and share their ideas to improve either someone's relationship or to console the lost broken hearted person.so before I go and jot down my post,I thank you one and all for all the efforts you have put in this forum with an ambition to help sumone by expecting nothing in return.I really appreciate.
Well this is my first post.so here it is.lookin forward for your help and support..

I have a girlfriend and our love is a long distance relationship.I have heard several times and read numerous times that LDR doesn't work most of the times.. but I put us in that very few category where it works bcoz what we both believed was ::: to run and maintain a relationship all we need is true love,commitement,trust and understanding.whether its LDR or any kind of love.

We started our relationship 5 months back and everything was going so very smoothly.oh yeah sorry.. both of us are 26 yrs of age... well everything was perfect and we used to write lovey dovey notes in our blogs or public domain lyk myspace... she haD MY PICTURES IN HER social networking site and I had hers.we talks everyday on phone,we chat on Yahoo and I even talk to her parents as well.they llike me too.I know its been 5 months.. still everything was perfect... ya forgot to mention, she have a son from her ex... but trust me,I love him a lot and I feel for him as my own son.I shed tears of joy when I see him smiling and cry when I see him sad.u might not believe but that's the fact.
She talks to my mom,my siblings and my friends over the phone... but we are continents apart though we are frm same nationality and share same religion(thats not important).

But lately,say about a month back,things started changing slowly.our skyping through cam reduced to a great extent bcoz she doesn't want it,we chat bt it wasn't as pleasing as before from her end,we talk over the fone but sumhow she is most of the tym speechless and gets angry with me very often.and she started seeing mistakes in me though I have been the same right frm the beginning.
And few days back she asked me to kindly remove her pictures from my public domain page along with her comments saying those are our personal feelings and no need of displaying it to the world... now 2 things striked my mind:
1.. I agreed with what she said because that way, we are inviting bad omens frm people as they talk lot about us through our page.
2.. I felt she is trying to hide my identity thinking in case she falls into another relationship,,
Siltl I agreed and did what she requested... and 2 days back she wanted to end our relationship... and the reason was very funny:here it is..
We chatted after she came frm work.. we do everytym... and she wanted to sleep... but after about 15 minutes I ended up calling her though I know she said she will sleep... I cald because whole day she haven't said I love you to me and I was sad about it.maybe I sound kiddish here.so I cald her ad that fumed her so badly saying she wants to end this relationship because I don't understand her lyf,, I don't respect her tym,, says I'm too sensitive,, I agree I'm sensitive by nature bt I hardly showed my sensitive part to her because I know what kind of person she is... I apologized and told her the reason for my cal,she said BS.and I love you and wantd to end it.
I asked her to gimme opne last chance to prove myself and told her it was my selfishness that made me call her and sumtyms myt have irritated her before also... I told her to let me prove that I've changed and won't be selfish again.she doesn't want it.and says I can't say anything ryt now.im worried about us... at the same tym I'm worried about her son because he is calling me Daddy already and he loves me a lot.recetly I met him and we had wonderful tym.wen I left frm his school,he cried his heart out saying daddy I will miss u.we are both attached to each other deeply.. and if something happens to me and my galfrn,I will be very sad for her son...
Please help... wat should I do... I don't think I've been bad enuff to deserve a breakup.. but stl maybe I've been wronng on my part as well.im ready to do anything or follow anything to mend my selfishness and narrow minded part if there was any frm my end.
So any of your helps or ideas will be deep appreciated and sorry foor the long post.. thanks for your patience in reading it...

Would love to give you help and advice, but chat/text, and poor spelling makes understanding your problem a real hard chore. At least communicate in a way we all here can understand.

You can edit and spell check with the blue edit button, and I am sure you will get a lot of input!!

Hi Talaniman, I thank you for reading my post and I'm very sorry if my writings were hard to be understood.
Well I remember your advices on Imissher.. do you remember him.. he also had similary sort of propblems like mine but his relationship was limited to him and his galfriend.. you guys have helped him tremendously and I was surprised to see how all of you put all your efforts to make him live again with hopes and positive attitude.

I don't quite understand, partly because of all the chat speak. (There is a rule for this site: NO chat speak!)

You are continents apart, but have met in real life? Also, how old is her son, and how has he come to love you so much that he calls you "Daddy"? I thought most or all of your conversations so far were electronic and for only five months.

Wondergirl, I agree with you.my relationship with my girlfriend has been a long distance love.its true we have never met each other so far.but we have constantly been in touch through phones,skyping and Yahoo chats and emails.
Well for me, the key to maintain a relationship not only being physically near to each other... but if you have love,trust,commitments and understandings... that is what will strengthen your one's relationship.
And her son is 6 years old.I have been talking to him almost thrice every week.he is in boarding school in my country but she is far away in another continent.I have met him once.she introduced me to her son.he have never had the fatherly love and cares from his real biological father.so when I first spoke to him, he asked me, can I call you my father?that filled my eyes with tears and I was so very happy to hear those lines from him.I love and care for him truly and I understand he is just a 6yrs old kid,but he genuinely feels for me too.my girlfriend,her parents were very happy about everything.I have met her parents as they invited me to see them... things went great until last few days that she changed drastically.. now she wants to end our relationship saying she fears that she is risking her son's life thinking in case if anything happens between us,he will be confused and sad.I agree with her.but then why does she fears? That's my question and concerns.
Is it that she has started thinking I'm not the right person for her?
Please help. :(
Thanks for reading.

If you don't mind my asking, what country do you reside in? I am wondering if there may be some cultural issues as well as the relationship moving extremely fast. Did you know each other for any amount of time before you became involved in a 'romantic' relationship?

At best, I would think that she is getting cold feet because of how quickly the relationship is getting serious. It seems everyone except her has met you in person and that doesn't sound like a good thing for your personal relationship. It seems like this is proceeding at everyone's pace, but hers.

You seem insistent on her sharing your feelings and she may not have them yet. She may have gotten caught up in a new relationship and is now realizing that she still needs time. Calling her back after she said she was tired may have shown her that you aren't as sensitive to her needs as she would like a partner to be.

Give her time and space. Do not contact her friends, family and most of all her son. Let her decide if and when she wants to continue contacting you. In the meantime, continue living your life. Don't hang around your computer waiting for her to 'call'. Go out with your friends. Meet new people. Have fun. Have new experiences that make new stories to share with her or anyone else.

Good luck.

Hi Cat,well she is in London and I'm in Asia.both of us share the same nationality,same religion and same culture.
Its very true,I have met almost everyone from her family member except her.
I thought of doing no contact but then I find it very very hard to not talk to her son who is like my son to me.it might sound funy and strange to you... but I really feel like his own father.
So even if I don't contact her... but my talks with her son will make her feel that I'm still running after her.
And the ultimate truth is, I love her and I really want to make this relationship work.
Please suggest.

Are you saying you have not met her in the 5 months you have been talking but you see her son often, and have met her parents.

Please explain why this is so, and you have never met??

You said, "i have met him once." How could this happen, "she introduced me to her son," if she is in London? Who is allowing him to use the computer in the boarding school and setting it up for him? A family member near him who is helping with this "romance"?

You said, "he have never had the fatherly love and cares from his real biological father.so when i first spoke to him, he asked me, can i call you my father?that filled my eyes with tears and i was so very happy to hear those lines from him.i love and care for him truly and i understand he is just a 6yrs old kid,but he genuinely feels for me too."

So you and this young woman have already included a number of her family members and also her innocent young son in this intrigue that she wants to end (and thereby break her son's heart)?

You cannot use his feelings for you as a ransom to make her love you again. The kindest thing you can do is to tell him goodbye and give a reasonable explanation and then disappear from his and her life (and get back your own real life). There is no way you can make her love you again. After only five months, she has changed her mind. It's over.

Thanks for the answers.
She love me a lot too.and she truested me that's why she introduced me to her son who is like my son too.well her son is in asia, studying in a boarding school and she is in London.
I'm not trying to use her son as a ransom to get her back.im not that heartless or a mean person.
The fact is I love her truly and I am very much attached to her son as well and I will be very sad in case if we break-up because that way I will have to get away from his life too and I'm sure it will hurt him and he will be confused why Father is not calling.
Please try to put yourself in my shoe and think from my perspective.
She said she wants to break-up because I'm not trying to understand her chaos at work.she says I keep calling her everyday even when she is at work.I wouldnot have done that had I known it was a problem for her to pick up the phone.but she was always available to answer the phoe and that's why I made this mistake.
But now I know where I went wrong.. and I realised what mess I have done.and if I think well,, whatever I have done was not so bad that I will deserve a break-up.. and yesterday she called and said I will see if you will try to work on what I have I done...
So I am here for all your suggestions and advices.. please help...

yesterday she called and said i will see if you wil try to work on what i have i done....
She is still willing to work on the relationship? What does she tell you to do and not to do (you need SPECIFIC guidelines)?

I still do not think it is a good thing for you to become so close so quickly to her son. That is not fair to him. Again I ask, is someone helping him connect to you on the computer and giving him computer time -- THREE times a day?

You are thinking only of yourself in this situation -- not caring for her son and not caring for her. You must do what is best for them, not for you, not what you want to do.

I work with two women from Delhi. Are you and this girl Indian and Hindu? That would help me understand the involvement of and acceptance by her family.

No we are not indians...


He stays in a hostel and I talk to him over the phone.

no we are not indians......
Thank you. I do realize other Asian families are close and very involved in each other's lives.

Please answer the question I asked about how the boy is able to be involved with you so often on a computer. Can that be stopped?

(This is a very unusual situation from what is usually posted on this site. We really do need more information in order to help you in the best possible way.)

I appreciate you taking time wondergirl.
As I have mentioned earlier, I don't interact with my son through computer.I only talk to him through phone, say about thrice in a week.and its been only about a week that I came back after meeting him up.and I met her father also for the first time.
All of a sudden,she wanted a break-up fearing in case if anything goes wrong then it will hurt our son badly which I completely agree with her. But I'm so very sure about my love ad feelings for both of them that it will never change.so why does she fear?
Do you think her fear is because she wants something else now?

i dont interact with my son through computer.i only talk to him through phone
Wait! Is this YOUR son too? I thought he is from an ex (ex-husband?).

Oh yeah.I am sorry.he is not my biological son. But I treat and feel him as my own son.therefore I addressed him as my son.

yesterday she called and said i will see if you wil try to work on what i have i done....

She is still willing to work on the relationship? What does she tell you to do and not to do (you need SPECIFIC guidelines)?
So she is still open to mending the relationship?

Yes that is what she told me over the phone yesterday... she says the reason for her wanting for a break-up was I'm tooo sensitive for her.she is kind of independent girl.I do know that... I have given her enough space.I never bother her that much... but yeah... I also know at times I have told her, sometimes it hurts when I feel you don't care for me and stuffs.. and that fumes her up saying.. everyone has different way of expressing love which I agree. But then what wonders me is,, if she is not able to show much cares and love to me,I don't mind.but why is she feelig suffocated of me loving her so much.coz I kow very well that I have never ever disturbed her private life of work,meeting up friends and stuffs.
So I'm confused... but yeah... ir eally want to do my best in this relationship to save it for the future that we have dreamed and planned..

she said she wants to break-up because I'm not trying to understand her chaos at work.she says i keep calling her everyday even wen she is at work.i would not have done that had i known it was a problem for her to pick up the phone.but she was always available to answer the phone and that's why I made this mistake.
But now I know where I went wrong.. and I realized what mess I have done.and if I think well,, whatever I have done was not so bad that I will deserve a break-up.. and yesterday she called and said I will see if you will try to work on what I have I done...
So I am here for all your suggestions and advices.. please help...

Obviously you calling her at work all the time makes her mad at you. Stop calling her at work.


yes that is what she told me over the phone yesterday... she says the reason for her wanting for a break-up was I'm tooo sensitive for her.she is kind of independent girl.I do know that... I have given her enough space.I never bother her that much... but yeah... I also know at times I have told her, sometimes it hurts when I feel you don't care for me and stuffs
I think she is trying to tell you that you are to needy, and insecure and she feels smothered that you always have to be reassured of how she feels about you. That's called being "clingy", and is a big turn off to an independent working woman who expects you to be able to do your thing without her, and be okay with it.

Its simple, have other things besides her (or her family, or child) that you like to do, and enjoy for yourself, and share happiness, instead of insecurity. That will give your life the balance you need to be able to deal with this situation. Then she may appreciate, and even miss you. Independent types like independent types, not guys who are begging for love and attention all the time.

Think about it, and make the Long Distance conversations count for more than stroking your fragile ego!

talaniman, that's exactly what she have told me.and yes very very true. She also said that she is tired of assuring me that she loves me.and says she don't have to be with me to show her love. Everyone has different way of expressing love.she said that about a month back and since then I never made her feel so...

Edited for meanng????

I think if you pay closer attention you will see what she likes, and how she likes it.

Make love to the mind, and all else will follow. Now think of some interesting things to talk about and find small ways to express yourself, that are both unique, and heartfelt, without getting sappy, and overdoing it!

That's where the paying attention and listening closely comes in. That's what females love more than flowers, an attentive man, who isn't wimpy, or a cornball!

Trust me Talaniman,I have always been a good listener to her and spoke according to what she likes ad what she is talking about.
Still if you think that there is something missing from my part then please help me to know what you think I should talk to her.well she is online right now and she is hardly writing to me.she is just writing a word or two at the most.and that's maing me nervous to think how should I start a conversation that will make her talk to me or do you think I should not write to her?please advice.

How long have you known her? How did you meet her? How long is she expected to be London? When is she home for a visit if it is still a long time?

I sincerely think you need to slow down. I don't see a natural progression of two people learning to know each other and building a relationship together in what you have written. What I see is someone who met another person, decided he loves her, and is suddenly all but married to her and adopting her child in his mind. This all happened in less than five months. This is not a healthy beginning to a long term relationship.

Does she know about you meeting her son in person? Did she arrange it or did family members and you arrange it?

From her possible perspective: If I were her, I would be concerned about losing control of my own life and child with as quickly as everything is happening and with me being in another country. It would cause me to back off and feel concerned (that concern would probably manifest as anger or irritation) about someone I barely know clinging to me and my child. Please think about it from her viewpoint.

Get offline if you have nothing to say, but be sweet about it. I think Cat has some really good points, your just trying too hard out of fear it seems.

Do you not have your own independent life?? This should be flowing without all the effort. Read this

Handle This: Seven Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship | The Frisky (http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-handle-this-seven-ways-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/?cnn=yes)

Let me know what you think, and please answer Cats questions.

how should i start a conversation that will make her talk to me or do u think i should not write to her?please advice.
"I just spent the most exciting two hours at the zoo [or someplace]" or "I baked my first batch of cookies and they are absolutely delicious" or "I changed the oil in my car for the first time. What a mess I made!" or "I read the most wonderful book over the weekend" -- in other words, talk about the excitements and activities in your life, interesting things you do so she can be drawn in and ask questions. Don't act needy and crying and blubbery and so dependent for her to make you happy. Show her that you can be happy in your own life, and share that with her by writing a sentence that is provocative and is a "hook" into more conversation.

I feel like, If she loves you, and you love her. You both need to meet in person. This might be a lot easier to read feelings and to see where you stand with her.

On the other hand, If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and told you, don't push her, You need to give her space through chat, web cam, emails, etc.

Feeling bad for her son is understandable. Don't attach yourself to him, if your not sure where the relationship is going. By doing that if you both do end it for good, this 6 year old boy is going to be more hurt then you I'm sure. So keep away and see how it all falls into place.

Cat1864;
Does she know about you meeting her son in person? Did she arrange it or did family members and you arrange it?



Yes she knows about it.and we planned to it together ad that is how I met him.and she even told her father to meet me up when I was with her son.so he came and we stayed together for about 4 days then I had to come back to my place as I am working.
I don't see anything wrong with her father because until I met him in person he was little bit reluctant talking to me over the phone but after that he have been calling me and addressing me as his son and he calls very often too.
So I don't think in anyway that her father has said anything to her against our love.

talaniman, wondergirl and Jlesnik33::::
Thank you all for reading and taking in sharing your opinions,ideas and advices.I appreciate it.

I do agree this relationship has started electronically through myspace.then we started talking over the phone and skyping as friends but without any webcam.we were friends for about 2 months during which I developed the feeling of love towards her.I definitely knew my feelings for her were more than just a friend's feeling.but never told her about this.

Then she was the one who started asking if I had any girl in her mind.and gradually created many situations where she made me express my feelings and she immediately accepted my love saying,I took so log in expressing my love and also said, what if someone else proposed to her before I did.

Anyway... the day when she accepted me as her boyfrn.. her first and foremost answer was,''well if you love me then you will have to leave your parents and come to London.''are you ready.I gladly accepted because I was more than happy to hear that.she also added long distance relationship sucks because she misses me a lot.
And then gradually we started webcam chattings also.and we had the best time of our life on webcam as well as over the phone.I used to entertain her a lot and she would wait hours for me to come online.even after work she will either stay awake to wait for me or ask me to wake her up when I'm back home from work.if I don't she used to be sad and angry.that was the kind of relationship we had.

But after about 5 months,here is the turning point how she changed.she got an email out of the blue from someone claiming that she was my ex girlfriend whom I broke up more than 2 years back and there was no way that I could believe it was my ex who emailed her.I explained to her,its impossible.but she could not believe me saying I'm trusting my ex more than I am trusting her.that made her disappointed.but the fact is,I have no contact with my ex for such a long period, my profile page in myspace is private so no one can see it accept my friends and even her's as well.and we don't have any common friends with my ex.so there was no way my ex will come to know about me and mygirlfriend and out of the blue how will she be able to email my current girlfriend on the right email and then track her with exact myspace page?that is what I tried to explain to my current girlfriend... but it was hard for her to believe.. and that's when she started changing.. still we talk and exchange cam.but web-camming reduced to a great extent.. and that's when she started seeing mistakes in me and finally this fear because one of her friend told her that she should have known me first and then introduced her son to me.. I completely agree with what her friends have told her.. still,she could have taken it slowly rather than just wanting for a breakup..! :(

I have not done anything wrong to make her think of break-up.. its just her fears that she wants to leave me thinking if aything happens to us then it will be very hard for her son.and I respect her fear.. still,she knows about me very well,I have alwaz been available to her either through phoe or through net,had I been flirtig around,that would have been impossible ad she says that too.then why is she not willing to work with me in getting this selfishness side of me of calling her everyday and she says I don't try to understand what she is going through.she is very individualistic sort of person.she lately had some problem at her work and that disturbed me a lot but she never told me anything about it saying I can't help her.so you just relax.but I kept calling and asking for the same ro something related to it and that fumed her badly.
That is the reason why she wants a break-up... please advice.im not being selfish here.you have got it wrong.I want to save this love and I'm sure she wants too.but we have different way of expressing it.so I'm seeking all your help... please... advices are deeply appreciated...

I feel like, If she loves you, and you love her. You both need to meet in person. This might be a lot easier to read feelings and to see where you stand with her.

on the other hand, If she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and told you, dont push her, You need to give her space through chat, web cam, emails, ect.

Feeling bad for her son is understandable. Dont attach yourself to him, if your not sure where the relationship is going. By doing that if you both do end it for good, this 6 year old boy is going to be more hurt then you im sure. So keep away and see how it all falls into place.


I agree.stil it will be hard for me to stay away from her son.I really love him and I am so much attached to him already. :confused:


Can anyone help me how to start a conversation?she has been very silent for the last 2 days... she hs never been like this before.she is talkative and always writes to me about her life,her work,her friends and her hobbies... I have alwayz responded according to what she talks about,asked questions to keep both of us involved and to not get bored.
But sometimes in life when things like this happens, it naturally becomes very difficult to start a conversation.
Therefore seeking your help and it will be deeply appreciated, please.

So what has her butting the brakes on is an email from your ex, that must have said some pretty nasty things to her about you. I think she did get an email from your ex.

Do you know what the nature of the email was? I don't know if it was a smart idea to try to tell her that it wasn't from your ex; that makes it sound like you are lying about something. Not to mention that it is not impossible for someone with a grudge to find a way into your personal information, and thus hers.

It worries me that her son is already attached to you, and I don't blame you entirely for that. Obviously her parents talking to you on the phone, and everybody liking you has created more comfort and familiarity for the little guy. Not to mention that your girlfriend obviously talked to him before he met you; and she was feeling very in love with you at the time. Kids pick up on these things.

LDR's DO work. With all the electronic devices available and cheap air fares, etc. it's not a stretch, or at least I don't get the impression that you would have likely moved to where she was, had she not put the brakes on.

My advice to you is see if you can get to the bottom of the ex girlfriend's email problem. At the same time, allow some breathing room for her for what has been a very intense five months. Give her time to think, and give yourself time to think also.

It may be hard not to pick up the phone or fire off an email, but for now, if she is feeling doubtful and angry, let her cool off and contact you first.

LDR's DO work. With all the electronic devices available and cheap air fares, etc., it's not a stretch, or at least I don't get the impression that you would have likely moved to where she was, had she not put the brakes on.

My advice to you is see if you can get to the bottom of the ex girlfriend's email problem. At the same time, allow some breathing room for her for what has been a very intense five months. Give her time to think, and give yourself time to think also.

It may be hard not to pick up the phone or fire off an email, but for now, if she is feeling doubtful and angry, let her cool off and contact you first.



I thank you for the response.well I don't know what kind of email she got.but she said it was from my ex and all I know is the email said I'm his ex.
Still the reason why I told my girlfriend that it can't be my ex who emailed her is because there is no way she could find either of our email address or personal site as it is set private and also we 3 don't have any common friends..
Iw as over with my girlfriend 2 years back after she repeatedly cheated on me thrice for the same guy.so I don't find anyr eason why she will do this if her reason for the email was a revenge or anything sort.because I never did anything bad to her.I gave up on my ex because she chated thrice.

And trust me Jake,ir eally want this relationship to work because I also know very well that she loves me too and that's the reason why she introduced me to her parents and most special of all to her 6 years old son who means everything to him.she is a very smart girl,takes very sensible decision about life, she is very independent and individualistic too.from what she told me and what I know went wrong is I was little more sensitive than her(u can say was little narrow-minded) and quite selfish because that night she was sleeping and I called her during her sleep just to say I love you to her ad that aggravated her.but before that I never used to call her when she goes to bed.
But that day she just decided saying I am too much and she can't handle my sensitiveness.. for which I think its nt sensitiveness but me being little narrow minded and selfish.
And these two mistakes can definitely be worked.. thats what I told her and I sincerely apologized for my mistakes and for letting her down.
She is not writing to me much.wat do you think,has she already decided strongly to leave me without even giving it a try?? Is this possible in a true love?? :(

Relax guy, your blowing things up in your mind. The honeymoon may be over and you maybe finding out other things about each other that you need to know. Don't let fear, and insecurity distract you, or stop you from just being yourself, and being patient. Why change the things that attracted her in the first place?

All she told you were to back up and let her process all she is going through. Do that and expect less but in any long distance thing, confidence and trust along with patience and understanding will help you identify and pay attention to the adjustments that are necessary to keep things going.

That means don't worry about the small glitches that can be overcome, just pay attention and don't trip out when things ain't so peachy smooth, and work through them.

Did you read the link? Then you know that LDR"s have a way of making you fearful, and apprehensive, and that's a confidence blocker, that will destroy any bonds you have.

Geez, its only been 5 months, and its normal to be starry eyed and keen on each other, but the mark of any couple is how they deal with reality, once the honey moon is over.

How long will this distance separate you? Relax and pace yourself.

Stop looking for quick easy solutions, as there are none, and if you are patient, you will see that being yourself, and listen to her fears, without trying to fix things, is what will get you the best results.

How long will this distance separate you?? Relax and pace yourself.

Stop looking for quick easy solutions, as there are none, and if you are patient, you will see that being yourself, and listen to her fears, without trying to fix things, is what will get you the best results.


Wow! Well said... I think that's true... but then I fear our new created distance of not chatting and talking to each other might turn into a permanent distance that I will never want...

So is there anyway or anything that I can do to make her remember me and have me in the back of her mind at any time please?
I know I may sound selfish here... but that's the truth, I love her a lot and she loves me too.
If we look at the time and the kind of relationship that is LDR, then people might take it as a joke.. but realistically speaking::::love has got nothing to do with time and distance... its the feeling and love that counts.. still to handle and maintain the love,other important ingredients like trust and understandings has to be there... and I guess I failed in the understanding part for which she fears saying she thinks she can't handle me and if anything happens in the future with us... then it will affect her son badly,, which I agree but nothig like that sort will happen because now I know where I went wrong... and any point of time,once in life a person reaches a situation where he realizes his mistakes.. in my case I haven't done much but yeah,, ended up calling her that night to say I love you after she went to sleep and I used to call her at work which I thought was not a problem for her... so these things are actually not a very major thing to give me a BREAK_UP... therefore, please suggest me a way so that she thinks about me and don't let this relationship go for good.
Thanks for all your support...

I may sound like a dog with a bone here, but again, that she received an email, with your name in it, from an ex girlfriend of yours, is significant.

What was the nature of the email.

There has to be a reason why she suddenly just jumped ship. If she is as practical and careful as you say she is, especially after trusting you to meet her family and particularly her son, she would have given you more than just 'you are too sensitive' etc.

To go full tilt for five months, with both of you equally feeling the same about each other, then for it to suddenly stop with flimsy excuses.

There has to be more to this.

therefore, please suggest me a way so that she thinks about me and don't let this relationship go for good.

There you go looking for quick fixes, and guarantees. There are none! It's a process that plays itself out and you take the same risk we all do when you get in a relationship, and deal with what's in front of you which is your fear of losing her.

That's no way to have a life. You can't make any one do any thing. The only thing you have any control over is YOURSELF. When you get away from that, and act out of fear, or desperation, you have problems, on top of problems.

Deal with your fear, and act with courage. That means relax and let things play out and make good decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings.

Well Jake, that email was the reason why suddenly changed and she said nothing major in it.. but what made her think is that I am still in touch with my ex when I was not and I didn't even know where my ex was till that time.trust me .that is the fact.
Yes she loves me a lot too and she was very practical about building our future and our dreams.. she trusted me and because of her love and true feeligs,she even introduced me to her parents and most importantly her son and even explained to him about me.
The reason for her wanting to break-up is she thinks she can't handle me... she thinks I'm more sensitive than required and says I don't understand personal life and professional life.. she says I need to be more practical than just being in the lovey dovey world... thats what she told me...


As always Talaniman,thanks for your advice.. it sounds true... I hop and pray I will have the strength to cope with our silence... it will be very very difficult...

Not if your doing your thing.

As to the ex, let your g/f deal with how she handles the email. Either she believes you, or she doesn't.

She is a big girl. And when does this distance thing end?

Not if your doing your thing.

As to the ex, let your g/f deal with how she handles the email. Either she believes you, or she doesn't.

She is a big girl. And when does this distance thing end??


If I understood you correctly Talaniman, yes, you are very much correct.because my girlfriend is not a kid to believe me or not and I can't force her to believe me.
And regarding the distance.. if you are asking me when our love ended? Then its not yet over.3 days back she said she wantd to end it. But then yesterday said she wanted to work it out.

No, I meant what was the plan to close the distance? Be in the same place?

Yes she was planning to com down this winter and then pull me to London after tying the knot with me...

we started our relationship 5 months back and everything was going so very smoothly.

No wonder there is conflict such as these. Two strangers jumping into a highly committed situation is a big red flag that you are moving to fast before you know enough of each other. Heck properly date a year before you even live together.

What's the freaking hurry?? No wonder the expectations are so high, and this thing is so rushed.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.
Happens all the time when you get carried away by intense feelings, and disregard the facts.

Whats the freaking hurry???? No wonder the expectations are so high, and this thing is so rushed.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.
Happens all the time when you get carried away by intense feelings, and disregard the facts.


We never had such thoughts about our relationship until lately she told me her friends told her like,''it seems we r going too fast and that changed her mentality... it seems she listens more to her friends than to us...

And before that also when we first fell in love.. there were so many questions ad apprehensions like these but she was never ever bothered about anyone...

She seems to be slowing things down now, and that's a good thing for you both.

I also felt the same and I I'm really not against what she is trying to do if that's going to be better for both of us and our future and our kids including her's...

Still somewhere back in my mind,I do have a little fear that she must be chatting with someone else as I see her online for hours and hours without sending any message to me and I did not too.

Do you think she fancy someone else?I know I'm sounding very stupid and naïve right now but that is how I feel somewhere in the back of my mind...

So please suggest or help them to face it please...

still somewhere back in my mind,i do have a little fear that she must be chatting with someone else as i see her online for hours and hours without sending any message to me and i did not too.

do u think she fancy someone else?i know im sounding very stupid and naive right now but that is how i feel somewhere in the back of my mind...

How can you see that she is on-line for hours? She may do what I do and sign on but continue doing other things at the same time. I am sure that she has other on-line interests than chatting and that she does have other friends that she has met on-line (and I do not mean 'boyfriends').

Do you not have any other interests than keeping tabs on what she is doing?

Yeah I can see she is online in Yahoo because it shows available status and mine too... but we haven't exchanged messages.
Well she is almost all the time on net.I have known this since long.but now seeing her being online and not exchanging any message with me makes me sad thinking she must be chatting someone else that she is interested upon because she has been online for very long time yesterday as well as today and even now also I can see her available status on Yahoo. :(

Ok, My advice is, don't change for anyone. You should be selfish.. You want her to be yours and only yours so be selfish don't change.. You will most likely regret changing especially if you get hurt again later..

Thanks for the advice Benbostian... but then selfishness and narrow-mindedness are something because of which I have screwed up in this love... if it was something to do with my nature that has been since my birth then I wouldnot have want to change myself as it is always respectable to love someone for who they are.. and if you don't then better go for someone who will acknowledge you for who you are...

But here,I want to work on this narrow-mindedness and selfishness part of me though I haven't not bothered her that much to an extent as what she thinks...
Back in my mind, I feel like she has been influenced by her friend and brainwashed,, and what wonders me is how could she get influenced because she is not a kid anymore.. she is way matured...

I hope that posting here is giving you some peace. At least you can post your thoughts and feelings, and get some feedback.

Not to flog a dead horse, I am curious as you describe yourself as too sensitive, narrow minded and selfish.

Would you have described yourself the same way with your prior relatioships? I ask because in one of your past relationships, your then girlfriend cheated on you, and if you were the same person then, as you are now, did you feel somehow responsible that it happened?

Do you think you are heading down that path again?

Very good question Jake... but I wasn't and that was never the case in my previous relationship... not at all...
Here with my current girlfriend, its true we had some mentality clashes.. she is kind of too very easy going from her side but she nevre made me realize that till now.. she was there for me almost all the time whenever I needed...
And sometimes when she failed to answer my phone,I used to be sad and tell her she doesn't not care about me.but when I think well,I should not have said such because she was working.and even after working also there could have been any reason for she missing out on my calls.she might have been busy, she might have just missed my call,or maybe the cellfone was not with her.. thats what she told me.. but then as alwaz we human realizes things later.whether its true from their part or not, we alwayz realizes things later ad we blame ourself for the wrong that happned between our lovers because we love them...

Just an update,she sent me a short message and recommended two songs:::: Another day by Lemar and coming home by Lemar... I listened to both the songs and I'm confused what she is trying to say... sounds positive though.


She have also mentioned two other songs she likes :::
IF THERE'S ANY JUSTICE... and 50/50.. both by Lemar.
Lyrics are kind of ugggggh... im confused listening to the songs she recommended and then the 2 songs that she said she likes too...

Now there is a good example of something just innocently passed along as a neutral way to communicate something.

May be she just likes the melody, she may think you would like the songs.

Most likely it isn't anything to bet the farm on a correct interpretation.

She could also be just sending along something to let you know she's thinking about you.

Try not to dig too deep. It was probably just a nice thing to do.

Seems like it...
Please Jake,help me understand... what is the best I should do at this situation but also want to make sure I don't lose her.yeah very obvious, I can't force or push her though.. still whatever I do, maintain the distance of writig to her or any sort,, I will be very sad if that will in real create permanent distance btween us.. please help...

Why can't you just be nice, and send her some nice romantic songs back? You really are making this a lot harder than it has to be. If you have to be told step by step how to woo your girl, then you don't deserve to have her.

Hahahah Talaniman... u really sound so very correct... im sorry for asking all these questions.. but here I am very nearvous that is why I may sound very stupid.
But still your idea was amazing... wow... let me quickly try that...

Hmmmm, if I were her.

You know what I'd like? (other than a back massage and somebody to fix my knee) I would love to receive a hand written letter. Yes, hand written. Pen and paper.

Enclose a few rose petals- just a few, not a yard or anything. There is something really special about non-electronic communication, I hereby dub it, NEC.

If you do that, it shows so many things. Time, patience, thoughtfullness. And who knows, she may find it equally appealing and write you back.

Maybe distance between contacts would slow things down a bit, and give her a chance to breathe.

True Jake,but trust me,I have always done that.. so far in these 5 months I have sent so many hand written letters to her and say about 50 or 60 emails and everyday offline messages too... maybe I overdid everything.

Even day before yesterday I also thought about sending her a hand written letter but then it takes several days for her to receive it because of our location.I would have surely done that.because I would also feel more loved and cared through hand written letter than electronic device of communication.

"jake she officially left me and im weeping....i had to depend on sleeping pills to get sum rest for myself.im deeply hurt and in severe pains ad mental unrest..."

It seems like the reality of the end of the relationship has hit you like a ton of bricks. It's very sad to think that this will not work out for you, with her.

I am really sorry that you are going through this right now. It is hard to lose someone you love, under any circumstances.

Grieving has begun. I know it's hard, but try to look at this as going through what you need to, in order to heal, and come out stronger on the other side.

I think its safe to say that you will learn much from reflecting upon the relationship; the good, the bad, what you have learned, what you will bring into future relationships.

Allow yourself time to heal. This will get better every day I promise you. Keep busy, and at least promise yourself that you will get out every day, even if it's just for a walk to clear your head.

Maybe consider a diary to write out your thoughts and emotions when this hits hardest. Writing things out may seem like a chore, but it is a very good way to help you through this.

I don't know when this 'officially' happened, but you may wish to consider counselling to help you through. Even once a week to speak to someone face to face to help you understand and move past this easier.

There is no easy way around it, as much as you don't want to face the day, do your best to take care of yourself. Keep to a routine, and keep busy.

You will feel better and more settled, even a week from now.

Take care.