says he is paying all the bills but then the electric , water and phone gets shut off, and there is NOT one dime in the bank account to pay the rent. WHERE IS ALL THAT MONEY GOING? HE WORKS FOR A MAJOR CORPORATION That does do random DRUG AND ALCOHOL TESTING? He has worked for this company for 24 years, so please tell me what's up?
but... I have realized 20yrs later and 3rd bankruptcy & third home foreclosures. He is lying, cheating, and stealing BLAU BLAU BLAU! So I figure if he's doing it else where he must be doing the same to me for all these years. I have been through so much and down the road to NOWHERE, just trying to get 4 children raised. I just really want to know where all the money went, there is NOTHING AND I DO MEAN NOTHING to show for all these years of work? He goes from being atentaive to being the bigest prick I have ever see someone be. He never talks about anything important with me (very Shallow converseations) Our sex life is like I'm his prositute, everything is more of a preformance! I hate it, there is no depth or substance to the Relationship (if it could even be call one) He used to make me tell him about past relationships and the verbally abuse me over what I would give in and tell him. He accused me constantly, of cheating on him, when I had much higher Values and morales for myself and I would never do that ever! I was allowed to have NO girlfriend, or hangout with my family.

And you are not divorced why ?

He still could be using drugs ( my company does radom drug testing but I have never been tested, and I know dozens that cheat on their tests.

Most likely he is gambling.

Why have you not went over all the money, if he will not show you the budget make him

It's really impossible to know where the money is going, but if I were you I would be finding out, even if I had to hire a private investigator.

Drugs always comes to mind, could be a sex addiction, but Fr_Chuck could very well be right about the gambling. If he away from home a lot?

It's obvious that he's verbally abusive toward you, so why are you there? You deserve better!

I have to ask you, after 24 years, three bankruptcies, three home foreclosures, no sign of where the money is going- what, you are just tuning in now?

I don't believe for a moment that you were that naïve, or blind, or out to lunch, that you didn't suspect something was going on. You didn't tune in the first time the lights went out?

When all this started happening, what did you do about it. Did you go to the bank, get copies of statements, take over the finances, confront him as to where the money went, get a credit report statement, check the items on the credit card bills?

It is impossible for me to believe that you were blindsided at any point in your marriage.

Can you balance out this history you have of him, a little more realistically, and truthfully?

Doesn't matter where the money went! The fact that you didn't get more proactive the first time around is why it continued to happen, and most likely will happen yet again.

Now you can sit and wonder why it happened, or what is happening all you want, but taking some actions for yourself right now is all that counts. Or haven't you had enough after all this crap after 24 years?

Find answers later, get to safety and protect yourself from his abuse NOW!!