Multiple threads merged

God I am so depressed me and my boyfriend have split so many times but this time it hurts the most he seems so sure that he doesn't want me anymore despite the fact he's told me he still loves me and cares about me. We were going fine when is mates fell out with him but they came along again and before I knew it he decided he didn't want a girlfrind but hear this when ever we talk I ask him if he thinks we will ever get back and all he says is I don't know and I ask him if he's moved on an he says no I will do soon though and I was like what if you proper think of me one day and miss me like the other times will you just ignore what you feel and he said no id get back with you. On the other hand when I rang again and asked if he's been thinking he's like yes but we isn't getting back but we might in the future but I don't know what he wants because one min he's telling me that he needs time to think and the other min he's saying he's thought about it and were definitely not getting back and its killing me I don't know weather to move on or wait till I know its definite. Thing is I don't want to move on I love him too much and don't really want to start again I'm scared for the future he's the only lad who's ever see my body and what am I'm going to do when it come to when I do get another boyfriend who wants sex. I just want to get on with things but I just can't he's contantly on my mind I always think of the good momories we had and all he says is its all gone but the day we split before his mum txtd me having a go saying I'm scaring him and we both need time out and we broke as soon as I cnfronted him so I don't no is he messing with my head? Thanks for reading his and helping me as I know its very long but there's so much more but id bore you all I just need help big time I'm so scared it feels so unreal.

Move on, go to NC let him deal with his own feelings, maybe he will call you beack and want you back but he might not. Don't just wait tell he has moved on and then he eventually finds someone else and hurts you even more, lol because that's what I'm going through right now.

Feeling the way you're feeling after hearing those dreaded words from someone you're in love is completely normal. I've been there too and it seems like its almost not happening to you.. you keep waking up from this dream hoping it wasn't real only to find out it is.

No Contact is definitely the way to go here. He's expressed that he needs time and space so give it to him. I realize this may be tough for you but any action on your part to reach out to contact him will only push him away even more.

Feel free to vent here though, I know you're going through an extremely difficult time right now but you're not alone.

I'm going through the same thing rite now, I would say nc is the best, is time to know yourself better and get closer to a higher power and every day will go smoothly...

Hey how about I undelete your other posts, and you can read those responses again! You'll get the same thing this time around also.

I am trying to forget him but just can't bring myself to do it I am not eating at all I've hardly slept a wink I miss him so badly and its only the 3rd day since we split he's making my life hell is they anyway he will come back to me?

It will help a lot if you don't talk to him any more, there is a reason for everything that happens to us, why people come and go maybe there is a lesson you should learn from this, how to be happy by yourself, maybe it is also preparing you for the rite one in your life, you don't need absolutely anyone to make you happy no one. If my ex didn't leave me I wouldn't have realize how selfish and angry I'm, though its been like a week now and I'm working on myself and I'm very happy, we are friends but I asked him not to take me back becos I need to work on ME. My point is I know you love him which makes it hard to let go but you have to love yourself first before you love anyone else becos at this point you are punishing yourself.

Tal good point! Stop asking the same questions because on this board, you will get the same answers. Move on, NC and have a much better life

Merged threads for the last time

Me and my boyfriend have only split a month ago and haven't heard from him in a while and I decided to tell him how hard it were to get over him and he told me he had a new girlfriend this tore me in two and I seriously can't cope anymore with life we were going for 2 years for crying out loud, and it took him a month for him to move on but there's something stopping me I love him so much and can't let go. I have no confidence what so ever and I just feel like I can't move on I just feel so upset and lonely just please tell me what I do?

Have you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum and taken a few of those suggestions?? That's a good place to start.

Threads merged

I really need help here, I think I am suffering from severe depression, but I don't think about it when I'm with my boyfriend, so I basically want to be with him 24/7, it's like I get afraid of alone time! I understand that he wants his alone time and that he needs it but at the same time I feel as if he is neglecting me and not thinking about my feelings, then I feel selfish and awful. I would feel a hell of a lot better if I had more things to do with my alone time, but I feel as if I haven't got any mates to do anything with because most of them are busy being full time mums or are too busy or don't invite me anywhere, I feel as if I have to do all the running about. Thing is I expect my boyfriend to stay in with me on the weekend when I feel loneliness the most, which he does sometimes but other times he just has to go out with his best mate without me, and I get so angry and think that he doesn't care about me at all I just feel so alone and I feel as if he doesn't listen to me or just ignores me and acts selfish about it. I hate it when he goes out though because I never have ought to do, I end up on Facebook for half of the night and I get so fed up and think about all the things on my mind and start crying. How do I stop myself being like this? I also have dreams about him braking up with me and it hurts me because it feels so real, I'm really scared of being on my own I hate it so much =[ please someone have answers!

Well, I've recently come out of a depression myself and I did share some of the experiences you're going through.

Its not an easy thing to do while you're feeling like you aren't worth much and especially since you won't find much activities that are entertaining and won't bore you quickly. I'd just tell you to try and accept that your boyfriend needs to have fun by himself as well and you will need to learn to cope with it.

What I'd suggest is try to find something to do that you find enjoyable and that you can't do while you're spending time with your boyfriend.

While I was trying to get past this, I'd often get bored and wander for hours but I started watching some TV shows en masse, some movies and even playing some video games. Work is also a good place to put your head in.

Try to do the things you need to get out of your system so that when you can be with your boyfriend, you won't have to worry and your obligations will be resolved and hopefully accomplished instead of delayed.

Your boyfriend isn't being selfish or anything, I'm sure he cares about you. The thing is, you can't rely on him to fill every single second of your life, if you do, what are you going to do when he's gone?

My advice is to first of all, find something you like doing that won't dry up quickly, even if its just TV, Books, games or even learning a new language. Try to keep yourself busy while he's having fun.

It'll have a good influence on your relationship as well since he'll be happy that you give him "me time" and he'll cherish the moments with you a lot more.

At least give it a try! :)

I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor if you think you might be depressed.
Maybe you would benefit from seeing a therapist and get professional help with your issues.

You can't expect to be joined at the hip with your boyfriend-that's not healthy,you both need time alone and doing things apart.

Find things to occupy yourself with during your spare time.
Make friends,get a new hobby and try to get out of use rut you seem stuck in.

Thanks for that, I think I need help with coping with my depression the most, but I always back out of getting help for some reason, I just feel like I need more mates that are free to come out with me in my life! And before we had a long brake I so him on a Thursday morning and he made me go out on Friday and he went out on Sat but I work on Sunday, and luckily I was off so I went to see him on Monday night and he was texting me on this long brake telling me how much he missed me and this made me feel good because sometimes I get the impression that he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him! And when we were together he wanted to see me all week and told me he thinks time apart makes us appreciate each other more! But I don't have money all the time to go out every time he does!

Threads merged

Right me and the boyfriend have been together nearly 4 month, but I am not happy at all, it's like he doesn't listen to my needs. And for me to be happy he needs to stop talking to this girl who has been trying to flirt with him for ages I knew about her before we got together but I thought she would stop. I think that she is being pathetic, and needs to get a grip before I grip my hands round her throat she calls him the names that I'm meant to call him: babe, baby, hunnie, etc and sends him love and talks about him texting her saying sorry I didn't text back. I am not possessive and I don't want people thinking that but I get so angry when she sends wall posts to him I am pretty sure she is doing it to winde me up! I mean I blocked a fb account of hers so I couldn't see to help me get over it, then all of a sudden she used a different account, surprise surprise that's a bit strange? When I try to tell him about it, he accuses me of controlling me and I would never do that but shouldn't he put me 1st instead of stupid people like that! I am getting really frustrated! And when I tell him I'm going to message her he goes I wouldn't do that she will make up so much I know what she is like she will us both up! If that's the case why doesn't he tell her to do one and block contact from her! It's really hurting me I'm fed up of getting messed around if I am!

I think you should dump him if he is not taking you seriously or taking into account your needs. He should at least address the problem.

It sounds like he's interested in the girl if he's not willing to cut her off.

My friend was in exactly the same situation. Eventually she became fed up with her boyfriend and dumped him.

right me and the boyfriend have been together nearly 4 month, but i am not happy at all

This is exactly why you are allowed to break up with people and end a relationship. If you aren't happy, then get out. It isn't worth trying to change him and you certainly won't change the girl that is flirting with him.

I also think you have your own issues you need to work out before even considering being in a relationship.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=6139628

Life's too short, get a new boyfriend. It sounds like the one you have isn't so great. I wouldn't invest anymore time:)

The first thing you need to do is get yourself to a doctor and get some help for your depression, then stop depending on your boyfriend so much, and start doing for yourself a lot more.

Once you get the proper help the whole world will look different and hopefully better.

Is this the same guy from last year?

No it it isn't and he treats me so good but I have a few problems

And why does he think I don't trust him because of that stupid writing stuff like that and stirring up it's doing my head in

Hmmm... I definitely think you need to see a dr about the depression. Trust me, I know its hard. But its worthwhile! YOU need to be healthy so you can have a healthy relationship!

At first, I wasn't sure about the girl... I wasn't sure if maybe you would just have to communicate your feelings and deal with her flirting as long as your boyfriend isn't.

BUT then you said that he said 'dont message her because she will make stuff up and wind us both up'. WHY is he saying she will 'make stuff up?'... what is she going to make up? How does he know this! Is he trying to hide something, and so if you do message her and she says something you won't like, he is covering in advance by warning she will 'make stuff up?'

OR if genuinly will make stuff up, why does he want her as a friend? Why not cut contact? I wouldn't want a friend that does that.

I think you need to dump him and leave him to his silly girls. He will be the same with them. Please don't waste years of not trusting someone, being jealous, angry, trying to change yourself etc for someone else. Its not worth it.

Lately my boyfriend is acting a bit strange, he tells me that he thinks I don't trust him which I do? But sometimes I wonder what he is paranoid about. He was on a night out before and I texted him saying I've just seen him as a joke because I joke a lot, and for some reason he went off his head at me and almost split with me but why be like that over a silly little joke and he accused me of playing games and trying to catch him out, but catch him out with what??
There's this girl who writes to him on Facebook flirty messages and she has done it since the first day of going out and she won't stop! It's been nearly 4 month now! And the other night I finally lost it and told her to get lost and find her own boyfriend and she called me all sorts and I told my boyfriend, and he went mad at me for writing to her but went mad at her to for calling me, but not as mad as I expected him to get I sometimes get the impression that he likes her flirting with him! He should have just stopped contact to her! Seen as it's not just me telling him to get rid even his mates tell him! And he ended up having a "serious" chat with me the day after telling me it's driving him mad me checking up on him when I wasn't I went to write a nice message on his wall and she was there! It shouldn't be me he is having a serious chat with it should be her!
So here I am really confused with his behavior and this morning, he texted me telling me he was meeting his girl mate on Friday, on his day off from work for a few drinks which I don't mind but it did upset me a bit because I also have a day off and he has decided to spend it with this lass! It seemed like he was testing me for some reason, I just texted back saying okay, and he seemed gob smacked? So what's that all about, I don't like the way he is acting towards me at all lately! I feel as if I am getting treated wrong and I also think he only wants me during the week and his mates at weekend and I feel really left out an angry at him with the way he's been. What do I do? He seems to think he is perfect and isn't doing ought wrong even though I feel unhappy!

Omg drop him like a hot potato

Okay... Harshness Warning

I'd be mad too if you started messaging my friends flipping out on them. Ask before you do something like that! He has a friend who's a girl, he wants to spend time with friends, he doesn't have to spend every waking hour with you! I live with my fiancé and I still go out with my friends, sometimes they are girls. It's called trust. You get upset over the little things, he has a life outside of you, perhaps you should get one too.

If you can't handle Facebook in a mature manner GET Off IT! Kids these days put too much weight on those stupid sites. OMG he has that girl in his top friends. I'm not his top friend. He doesn't love me. Get off it!

This thread was merged with your most recent one,where you mention being depressed.
If you think this is the case,make an appointment to see your GP and get help.

How do you spend your time?
See your own friends and do things you enjoy.

People need to see their friends and do things apart.
Being together 24/7 isn't healthy.

WHen one of his friends of the opposite sex is hitting on him and fighting with his own GF over him! You do not hang out with her, just the two of you! She has a reason to be mad here, and shouldn't be wondering why he is doing this, but rather just breaking up with this loser of a BF. This girls intentions are not just to be HIS friend.
Being depressed or not , his behaviour is one that should not have to be tolerated!

Dyno, he's not going out with that friend. Reread the post, it just says he's going out for drinks with a girl. It doesn't say that it's the same girl. The OP should clarify that, but I'm not going to assume it.

She has a huge dependency problem that she needs to seek counseling for

Ohh haha sorry I read it as it being that girl. She said mate lol, to me mate means something different here in canada, then a lot of the eastern countries lol.

Lol yea, it took me awhile to get used to as well. When I hear mate, I think relationship partner

I just think he is testing me because I was going to go out so I asked him if he was going out all night and he went mental at me saying I don't let him do ought but I didn't even say anything like that!

I think you both play too many games. Never have I seen so many games played, you telling him you're dating him just as a joke. Really? Did you think that was a good idea?

No you have that wrong! I said I text him saying I've just seen him as a joke and he went mad! I am not playing any kind of game with him because I isn't like that. But he is always going on about his ex but with what he tells me about her, I'm nothing like that, maybe he is just worried I'll end up like her I don't know what is going on in his mind!

Maybe that's the whole problem. Two people who have issues and don't know what to do about it, can't help, love, and support each other because they have their own issues, blinding them.

I have posted a lot of posts on here about what's going on this week because so many changes are happening, and I am beginning to find it hard to cope! My boyfriend is acting proper off with me lately, I hear that he talks about me to my mates and his mates telling them I do his head in, and that he wants to be with his mates at weekends and me during week, but I'm sorry I only see him 3 times in the week, I don't think he is being fair, I am really beginning to dislike him, I mean he told me that this weekend we could spend time together as he is going on a trip next week with the lads and next thing you know he is telling me he is off to his mates house for some beer, he's let me down and hurt me doing this! And I told him I was going to my mates party on Friday and he has gone and said he is coming? What's that all about? So basically he's allowed to come out with me but I isn't allowed to go out with him? Anyway I confronted him and said it feels like you can't be arsed with me these days, and he text back saying of course I can I just want to go out more with the guys, but you can come if you like but don't give me any ! Any? What the hell does he think that for so I text back saying what am I going to give you proper confused! And he didn't say ought and just told me his mates girlfriend will be there so I won't be only girl and it was like he was being all nice after me confronting him! And a few hours on I text him telling him how much he meant to me telling him I loved him and all I got back was do you really and I said of course I love you, I love you like you love me, well I hope so and he text back saying I do but sometimes I hate you. I found that really horrible! And I said I didn't want to lose him and he told me that I wouldn't if I changed my ways, but I'm not doing ought wrong? I let him go out but he can't expect to go out every weekend without seeing me because it makes me feel neglected! You might not understand me and think I am being in the wrong but I don't think I am, I think he is finding a way of making me out to be a bad one which I'm really not. I just feel so lonely at the moment, he's got to start treating me right though! Before I have big regrets! Sometimes I get the feeling that he misses single life but come on for gods sake he is 24, I thought he was different from the rest, how wrong was I? But I am beginning to hate men sorry for men who read this but I haven't come across a decent one yet sick of being mistreated! When I have perfectly nothing wrong with me!

Perhaps a "break" would help the two of you find out what you really want. That'll either fix things or show that it's time for an actual break up.

break? He said he doesn't do all that, so if we were to have this brake he wouldn't get back with me =[ I just feel really unhappy in myself! I just feel like life is pointless

This is what I would do, he is giving you no attention right, and you are trying sooooo hard to get attention from him. Well right now, in his mind, he has his girlfriend wrapped around his little finger. He knows he can do what he wants and you put up with it.
Is what you should do is show him NO ATTENTION whatsoever!! Only put in as much effort into the relationship as he does. If you can see right now, all this effort you focusing on your relationship is only pushing your boyfriend away. So if you really want him to start wanting you again, MAKE HIM MISS YOU! So I would completely stop texting him, don't ask him to hang out, just do your own thing! If you continue to just nag him, and beg for him to hang out with you and get angry over the fact that he isn't showing you the attention you deserve, this relationship will die.
Just try this advice, you have nothing to lose, the relationship is going bottoms up!
WHen you stop texting him, asking him to hang out, he will notice this, and will be coming to you.
When he confronts you about this, just pretend like nothing is wrong, that your having a fabulous time without him.

I found out why he is being weird with me, it's because his gran is really ill, I feel kind of selfish now, but my instincts was telling me they were something up with him!

i found out why he is being weird with me, it's coz his gran is really ill, i feel kinda selfish now, but my instincts was telling me they was something up with him!
This is most likely an excuse in my opinion

Look either you trust your boyfriend or you don't.

No trust=No relationship. End of.

He goes out and you text him as a joke saying you saw him, eh why? If I was going out with someone who is, by your own admission, incredibly needy and then as I'm out with my friends they text me saying they can see me, I would, in all honesty, think they were a massive weirdo.

That may seem a little harsh, but it is really as I would see it.

If you think there is something up with your boyfriend, you ask him about it. You don't concoct possible reasons for this in your head and go off the head at a friend on Facebook who may or may not be flirting with your boyfriend. You trust him, he says he wants to be with you by this actions, of being with you! That's it. If you want to know more you ask HIM.

I would strongly suggest you go to a counselor about not only your depression but also your abandonment issues. Take yourself out of your comfort zone. Meet new people. Start a new hobby. Get yourself worth back. No one can love you enough for two people, him AND YOU.

I am not saying any of this to hurt you, I just think you need a bit of a reality check.

Threads merged

I feel that my boyfriend is a major flirt, you would only need to look at his fb and understand what I'm on about! Girls everywhere on his wall, but there is one girl I proper hate, because he told me that him and her got close before, so it makes me uncomfortable when she sends him flirty messages she is obsessed with him because you can tell! Thing is he is writing back to her and it works me all up, I've tried telling him how it makes me feel but he gets all grumpy with me.
But at the moment I am mad about what happened Friday night we were at a party and they were some little tart flirting with everyone and she stuck her arse out in front of my fella and he went and slapped it, the look on his face and him laughing hurt me, so I got really upset and started crying and he was telling everyone he didn't know what was up with me the cheek of it! So when I confronted him he made out it was just a joke but other week I got dared to smack this lads arse but I said no! I see it as it's wrong to do that when you're with someone, after I ended up having to say sorry to him and finding him because he buggered off with his mate not giving a dam he said he went off to get away from me because I peed him off but all I did was tell him how it made me feel, I would have gone home but my things was at his so I had to look like the soft one! Not just that I am just too good hearted!
Today that girl who writes to him on fb got her sis to write him a flirty message and got her to mention her so she commented on her wall post and said tut tut what would your girlfriend say if she finds out you have been chatting me up proper taking the pee out of me! When ever I confront him he either tries to changed the subject or says he doesn't use fb because it's crap but he writes back to her...
All I want is your opinions is he messing me around? Because I don't want another guy thinking he can walk all over me and get away with it? I'm just wondering if he is worth fighting for I love him so much though!

If you can't handle his behavior, leave. Love or no, If it hurts to be with him, is he worth it? Doesn't sound like love to me. More like dependence.

Threads merged


I've been with my boyfriend for nearly five months now, for the 1st two to three months we got on like an house on fire, I was so happy with him and I recently just come out of depression before we got together. After like the three month mark, we started having a lot of problems, but I don't know what I've been doing wrong, it sometimes feels like he is picking on me for no reason just to make arguments, I've fallen back into depression and I've realized that it's him that's making me this way I am really unhappy! When we get on this is when I feel happy and I start to fall even more for him so every time he has a go at me I cry, I feel pathetic and worthless! Also when we first got together he told me he didn't mind me texting him but now he does all of a sudden and he has ago at me for that! He never wants to spend the weekends with me it's always with his mates, the only time he sees me is on weekdays after work which isn't much because he does a 12:00-8:00Pm shift! 3 times a week. Before he used to complain about hardly seeing me but I don't get that because every bit of spare time we both got he doesn't use it to see me! The weekend just gone we went out but I wasn't meant to have come out but his mate got me to but during the night my boyfriend ended up having a proper go at me for no reason so I walked off but he ran after me and was hugging me and saying sorry so I forgave him, then when we went to the takeaway he started again and called me a slag and this really hurt me and his sister told him, that she didn't like that and asked if he meant it, and he said yes so I walked off again crying and he come after me again and got me to come back to his and he was holding me close and were telling me how much I meant to him telling me he needed me and would die if he lost me! So I don't get what's going on, since that night we have got on until now! Where he's told me that I am trying to control him because he's going to his mates house on sat, all I said was do you want to meet after and he told me I'm constantly in his face and smoothering him, he is making me well down I don't know what to do please help it's knocking me down :( I want to be with him but how do I get him to stop all this crap?

This is more of the same-I'm referring to your previous thread,and in my opinion its time to give up on this relationship.

You'd be better off single and happy than being in a relationship which constantly makes you question yourself.

First off you need to realize that men who actually love women treat them well and try to build up their self-esteem, they don’t tear it down like your boyfriend is doing.

In my opinion, your boyfriend is controlling and is verbally abusive. Verbally abusive men will eventually make you feel as if you are worthless and you will suffer both psychologically and emotionally. You are right when you said his behavior makes you depressed. Just remember - It will only get worse, unless you take control of your life.

You need to understand that no matter how much you love and care for him, the best thing you can do for yourself, is to get out of this relationship. He won’t make it easy for you. He will probably keep tying to make you go back to him, but you need to stand firm and leave the relationship. Tell yourself that you can get through it. Do things that you enjoy doing and keep yourself as busy as possible to stop thinking about him.

You should leave him alone, and work on yourself esteem, and dignity, so you won't be so depressed, and subject yourself to his bad behavior.

Threads merged yet again, shheeez!
Me and my boyfriend ended over the most pathetic little argument ever! It were over me getting jealous of this girl writing on his Facebook wall writing the most ridiculous crap I've ever seen, I was mad at him for letting her, she had been doing this the full 5 months of going out and it were getting out of hand, I were getting upset with him even writing back to her, because he doesn't even write a lot on my page! She actually was doing it to wined me up and I knew it because she said stuff like text me after work babe this made me rage because obviously he didn't see that but other people did, and the idiot went and told her it were getting to me so she started giving me crap, so I told him about it expecting him to stop it, did he heck! So we ended up having a big argument and splitting. But yet he still kept in contact with her, oh how much I hate that girl!
At first when we split he made it clear that he didn't want to get back with me so I told him goodbye and told him not to text back because I were going to delete all contact from him, I did it because I knew it would be easier to get over him, then he started texting me on his brake at work telling me his head were messed up and he were upset but it come up in a number instead of his name, so we both agreed that we would sort it, and I saved his number, he waited to have a lads night before he got back with me, this bothered me a little because I found it odd I had the feeling he were going to end up with another girl, I felt sick thinking about it and my mate was like I flirt with him you on't mind do you and I was getting so upset so I told him and he kept texting asking if I were okay. He got back with me the next day and he seemed happy about it. But now he seems a bit off with me he told me it felt strange and that his head were still messed up, he hasn't even bothered to tell anyone that were back together this is hurting me! I don't know what to do! He tells me that I'm his jess still and that he loves me but he isn't the person he were before, will he have to get used to being back with me or something he did say he wasn't used to this sort of thing because he hasn't had many girlfriends in his life, I just really hope it works out, must admit I feel a bit weird about getting back but I know it will start to improve because I've been through it loads and I told him this so he said we will try. I just need advice because I keep thinking that he doesn't really want to be with me and it's playing on my mind so much, I'm seeing him tonight though but I am really nervous, but maybe we will feel fine after seeing each other for the 1st time since splitting! Thanks for you time :)

First things first, for how long were you two separated?
Second; does he still have contact with that other person after he got back with you?

Were deleting Facebook and about 4 or 5 days

Assuming that you're still young, then arguing over a such thing is very normal these days. I've seen it a lot, and experienced it a lot. If you have such faith in that it will improve, then stick to it. Give it time and don't rush anything too soon. Time is a very powerful thing as people say.

And if things aren't working out as you expected it would, leaving in the only choice.

Maybe you are hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Sort of a defense mechanism in case things don't work out.

The problem with resuming a relationship with problems is, if the problems are not addressed, the foundation of the relationship will just keep on crumbling.

Your jealousy and insecurity of this other girl, even when you knew she was winding you up, caused you to split with him. That is not a sign of maturity. Talking it out is, and I mean talking, not arguing. If something like that can end your relationship, what makes you think it won't happen again.

That's what I mean about working the problems out before jumping back in. If he has given you reason to doubt his commitment, talk about it. If he is unsure what he wants and why, talk about it. Communication, as hard and difficult as that might be, is the only way to understand eachothers needs and wants.

After you both learn how to talk to each other about issues serious enough that have ended the relationship once already, you may find common ground, and common goals to work on together. It is the only way the relationship will work.

Be realistic, and don't expect things to magically be better, without working out the issues of the past. Only then will you have an idea if the relationship is worth saving.

We had a heart to heart last night and he admitted a few things, and told me he were being an idiot with me, but also said we both did things wrong which is normal, he even called me gorgeous and said he should make me feel special every now and then! He also told me this girl sent him a marriage request and he asked her why she did it, so she replied by saying to wined everyone up and he told her to do one, he also said he let her know we were sorting it, and I asked why he told her and he said because I wanted her to know, I've been thinking about it, you're not to blame she is, I've thought about your point of view while we have been split. And he told me he wanted to make it work this time, were deleting Facebook and ignoring what anyone has to try and stir up so I feel happy for the first time in ages, so thanks guys for all the support, fingers crossed that mine and his relationship works! :)

Keep talking, honest communication is essential.

Good luck.

I'm probably going to sound quite clingy on this post, but what I'm doing I can't stop!
My boyfriend likes to go out with the lads, but whenever he does I get offended that he doesn't want me to come along and I get really mad and upset because I'm quite lonely when I'm not with him as most of my friends are pregnant or have kids so I don't have much choice of what to get up to so I just stay in on the laptop and this is really depressing me not to mention I have depression anyway, I really want to do something about this! But another thing that won't go away from my mind is that he's going away for a week soon and this has upset me the worst because I think I will miss him well too much.
When I haven't seen him in a while I get moody and upset and grumpy with my family! I just feel like hiding away until he comes back, I keep thinking to myself why would he want to leave me for a week away, he obviously doesn't care or miss me like I do for him and it's hurting me a lot! I just want to overcome this because I know he has to have time with the lads for us to have a healthy relationship, I must admit I do get nervous about him cheating on me because of his past which he told me about but he promised that he would never go behind my back, but he is a good looking bloke and he always gets girls chatting him up when he goes out and it really upsets me because I fear that he gets too drunk and gets to the stage of not thinking what he's doing because he does get into a state when drunk. I also don't like the guy he is going with, I feel like he is a bad influence, because we went to a party and he slapped this girls arse and got my boyfriend to do it and I truly hated it, that was it that night I couldn't enjoy myself, I felt really sick and it made me wonder what he was like when I wasn't there!
I just need some advice and tips on getting my head sorted I know I have something wrong with me otherwise I wouldn't get so upset about my boyfriend going out, but I think it mainly has something to do with me not earning much income so I am unable to make plans and go out this is really doing my head in so will be great full for a bit of help thanks!

People who have read my posts probably think I'm off my head but I have a hell of a lot of crap on my mind.
A few week ago me and the boyfriend split this distraught me, but I decided to go out with my mate to get my mind off things but she was acting strange all night, she were texting someone and not letting me see, and she said to me "I flirt with Ste but do you mind?", I looked at her, I didn't know what to do or say, but truthfully I wanted to hurt her, who wouldn't though? I just say "no" but I found it hard for the rest of the night to keep my cool, she kept going off to ring him and wouldn't let me come she made it look so suspicious by looking at me and smirking at me. So I went off with my dad and he were like I don't like her she's a stirrer.
The next day me and the boyfriend got back, I told him about all of this and he didn't seem impressed and said that's no mate. About 3 days after of getting back my mate text me and asked why I hadn't been on Facebook for a while so I replied and told her it causes too much hassle and she text back with, Don't lie it's because Ste told you straight! this made me fume it's nothing to do with her the nosey cow! Anyway the weekend after getting back me and the boyfriend decided to go out to strengthen the relationship and guess who we bumped into yes her! And all night she were trying to drag me away from him and she whispered something to him and he stormed off so I obviously went after him and he told me what she said, she told him that he were ruining my night, but he really wasn't I were having a brilliant time. Later on in the night she insulted him by saying "bloody hell you need a bigger bra then me"! This made him upset, she were being a cow all night . The next day she text him telling him sorry and had the cheek to ask if he liked her dress the little slapper argh I hate her so much now. Also apparently a few week before we split she bumped into him in town and asked who were better looking out of me or her, I know what the hell? But he said me so I'm happy about that, please tell me what to do about this situation because it's driving me up the wall I just feel like killing her, I've had enough of people trying to ruin us I just want me and him to be free and away from hassle from others.

What you do is just ignore the shallow play for attention. If this is bothering you then you are just as immature as your friend.

Tick

Stay away from drama and this "friend" just ignore it. The more you let it bother you, the more she will do it.

You have a lot of self confidence and trust issues that YOU need to work on. It's like you want your boyfriend to stay with you 24/7 simply because you are home alone. You have to understand that to have a HEALTHY relationship, you have to have a life outside of the relationship. Who cares if girls chat him up, if he wants to cheat, he's going to, no matter what you try to do to avoid it.

By the way, being drunk isn't an excuse to cheat and doesn't make you any more or less likely to cheat. If you want to cheat, you will.

Until this gets merged with the other thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/always-try-rely-boyfriend-450160.html

I read your merged thread. (Please, please, keep adding to it instead of starting new threads. Your story needs to be kept together so everyone knows what is going on.)

I am going to be honest with you and it will probably seem a bit harsh.

You need to learn how to communicate with your boyfriend to set boundaries you can both stay inside. If you cannot work on it together and that means BOTH of you paying attention to what the other one says AND making compromises, then you need to break up and find other people.

You seem so intent on making him your anti-depressant that you are losing sight of the fact that he is a human being. He is not your therapist to be on-call 24/7. He has a right to have his own friends of his choosing. He has a right to be himself, not what you want to turn him into.

Through out all that I have read of your posts, there has been one glaring fact, you are all about you and I wonder if you really stop to think about what he wants or needs in a relationship.

Even when you mention that he has said he needs room, you turn it around to you. You need him to keep you happy. You need him to stop doing this or that to make you happy. You need him to understand how much you need him to be there and do things your way. You expect him to behave like you want him to behave. You expect him to understand when you are joking around.

You need to take responsibility for your own mental health and emotional well-being. Have you even looked into seeing a doctor about your feeling depressed? Have you made one step toward getting actual help instead of self-medicating?

You both would be much happier if you made the step toward getting a doctor's help and counseling.

I merged your threads, please keep them all in one thread this way we get the whole back story

How do I do that? And yeah getting help off the doctor I keep getting sick notes and I got tablets, I tried to take them but they made me ill so I stopped, I am trying really hard, I just feel so lonely and feel like I have nobody to talk to, I just need more company in my life, my biggest fear is being on my own :(

how do i do that? and yeah getting help off the doctor i keep getting sick notes and i got tablets, i tried to take them but they made me ill so i stopped, i am trying really hard, i just feel so lonely and feel like i have nobody to talk to, i just need more company in my life, my biggest fear is being on my own :(

If the medication isn't helping, you talk to your doctor and get it changed. You ask about support groups where you can talk to other people who have the same issues and you learn from each other you aren't alone in this.

You do a quick search and find these groups on your own:
Women Supporting Women (http://www.wswomen.org/groups.html)
Depression Alliance in Lancashire - Beat Depression with Depression Groups in Clitheroe & Burnley, Lancashire (http://www.depressionalliance.org/how-we-can-help/lancashire.php)

I am not sure 'company' is what you need. You seem to equate being alone with being lonely. Trust me, you can feel alone in the middle of a crowd if you aren't comfortable with yourself.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? You might look into community classes that cost very little but can give you a lot in return like new friendships and skills. In my 'city', they have everything from working with clay to weaving and music lessons at different times. They have also had meditation and yoga classes.

I think you have been stuck in a box for a long time. Can you come up with ways to think of things to do outside of it?

Threads merged

Right I have wrote so many posts about me and my boyfriend, I don't feel happy in our relationship anymore, but I don't know if it's my fault or his really, but as you may know I am suffering from depression, I'm actually starting to feel like I'm better off dead, I'm having suicidal thoughts at least 5 times a day, my boyfriend is making me so miserable!
He knows that I don't have the money to go out with friends and that I like to spend time with him, but he tries to go out every sat without thinking about doing anything with me, but the thing is I hardly see him it's like I'm there for him after work, I see him on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday nights, and I don't feel like this is enough! All I do on days I'm not with him is sit there moping and typing on my laptop I feel like throwing it out of the window!!
When I try to make plans with him he always has to make sure that his mates don't ask if he's doing anything, thing is he has to get drunk every bleeding weekend and it's driving me insane. I feel like he is being selfish towards me because he doesn't even think of my depression all he thinks of is himself he's never there for me but when I expect him to be there he goes mad at me and this makes me worse as I'm going through a stage of weakness anything horrible that goes on it makes me cry and get so upset and worked up.
This week he has been treating me like pure crap it's unreal, I text him about me looking for a job and getting mad because I don't seem to be getting anywhere but because I'm on the sick at the job I'm in now and been having time off college he has a dig about that by stressing at me saying it's all my fault I hardly get any money but he really doesn't understand my illness he says it's lazyiness and he gets so mad about it because he's in a full time job and has to pay tax, but I need a new job anyway because I do 5 hours every Sunday I did do 6:00 till 11:00pm when I were going out with my ex because I stopped at his after, but when we broke up they changed me 5:30-10:30pm so I could get the last bus, but because I have had time off they have put me back doing until 11 which means I have to fork out paying 8 pound for a taxi, I've worked all this out and I will only be getting 62 pound a month it's pointless, but he doesn't get why the doctor has gave me time off he doesn't notice how down I am lately I physically can't think straight at all I'm sick of constantly crying! I hate being a weak person because people think that they can walk over me. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm so depressed and hurting, I do have thoughts of ending things with him but my stupid little heart says no then I think about the good points of being with him but as the days get on he is changing and I don't even know who he is anymore, I feel like he has something on his mind which he is taking it out on me but this isn't right, I also feel like he is picking on me because when I go on about no money he tells me to go on job seekers but he is really mocking me, he's making me feel like a worthless piece of crap and a failure to do anything please someone help me? I punched the wall earlier when he told me he were going out next weekend as well as this weekend and I've really hurt myself I know it's self inflicted but I just don't think anymore I just feel like I have to hurt myself instead of hurting anyone else :( I hate being like this I just feel like I'm coming towards the end of my life, I were feeling better last week but this week as ruined me completely I'm tired of trying to get myself better when all I get is abuse of people who I expect not to get it off! I've found it very hard to express myself on this post but I do hope you understand it and sorry for those who told me to add it to a thread I don't know how to!

Fair warning: Please stop creating new threads. Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Hey people, it's been a while since I've had a problem, in fact me and my man have been getting on really well lately but we have now got a problem I used to go to his twice a week and the weekend but he goes out a lot of the Saturdays, his mum made a decision for me to only stop on weekends this really disappointed me and him so he told me he would sort something out but I stopped on Sunday as it were bank Monday and when it came to going home his mum allowed me to stop on that Monday as well and told us it didn't matter anymore and that she were just in a state last week, but now my boyfriend is telling me I can only see him once a week and on weekends which him and his mum both agreed and apparently she said seeing a girlfriend at his ages twice a week is more then enough this still isn't enough to me I just don't understand what's going on, so what do I do please someone help me cause I feel like our relationship will die with hardly seeing each other, thing is he is nearly 25 and paying board so this is a pee take in my eyes, he should get to do what ever he wants, I feel like he may be lying about it but I don't know I thought that when he told me I could only come on weekends but his mum defiantly said this as she told us that Monday, thing is I will miss him too much and I hate it! Could I not try speak to his mum about it, thing is he won't come to mine to see me which is frustrating he says it's too much money for travel, but it's okay for me to pay to come to see him I'm really confused please help!

hey people, it's been a while since I've had a problem, in fact me and my man have been getting on really well lately but we have now got a problem i used to go to his twice a week and the weekend but he goes out a lot of the Saturdays, his mum made a decision for me to only stop on weekends this really disappointed me and him so he told me he would sort something out but i stopped on Sunday as it were bank Monday and when it came to going home his mum allowed me to stop on that Monday as well and told us it didn't matter anymore and that she were just in a state last week, but now my boyfriend is telling me i can only see him once a week and on weekends which him and his mum both agreed and apparently she said seeing a gf at his ages twice a week is more then enough this still isn't enough to me i just don't understand what's going on, so what do i do please someone help me cause i feel like our relationship will die with hardly seeing each other, thing is he is nearly 25 and paying board so this is a pee take in my eyes, he should get to do what ever he wants, i feel like he may be lying about it but i don't know i thought that when he told me i could only come on weekends but his mum defiantly said this as she told us that Monday, thing is i will miss him too much and i hate it! could i not try speak to his mum about it, thing is he won't come to mine to see me which is frustrating he says it's too much money for travel, but it's okay for me to pay to come to see him i'm really confused please help!!


As of April 23, 2010, you were having problems with him. That was less than two weeks ago.

I don't know what his rental agreement with his mother is. That is between them.

With your past history of being overly dependent on him, he may well be using this as an excuse to distance himself in the relationship.

That you are spending your money to go see him and he spends all of his on social gatherings says that there is a huge dichotomy in the importance of the relationship between the two of you. What happens if you don't go visit him?

It may be time to actually look at the relationship and see if he is in it for anything more than the bed buddy who comes to him.

Another thread merged with the others


I'm in such a big mess at the moment, recently me and my boyfriend have been going through such a hard time it's killing me, but despite all this the only person who's been there to listen to me and talk to is my boyfriends best friend of 20 years as he doesn't give me any grief like everyone else does, my boyfriend often plays victim and I'm made to be the bad one but his mate has really helped me out by telling him he's wrong and I've felt myself being attracted and close to him as he's caring and understanding, thing is he likes me to because we have discussed it because we both decided to be honest about things, he has made compliments that has boosted my confidence up, which my boyfriend never does, he's been there to listen to me when I have a problem unlike my boyfriend all sorts that my boyfriend should do but doesn't seem to. This guy also has a girlfriend who's also a very good friend to me and I don't want her to know what me and her boyfriend have been discussing I wouldn't want to hurt her but I can't help these feelings I have for her fella and he can't with me were both very confused and I need some advice big time cause I can't stop talking to him or seeing him, I'm worried that one day we won't be able to control ourself I don't want to hurt anyone and because I love my boyfriend I don't want to leave him my heads just in a strange place at the moment so is they anything anybody can suggest to me?

You got to distance yourself from the guy. If you love your boyfriend and don't want to hurt him then don't. If the girlfriend of the guy you're talking to is your friend and you don't want to hurt her either then back off.
Does he feel the same way about you? Do you really want to know? You may hear something you don't like.
Truth is you really have to stop talking to him so much and control yourself!

Set boundaries of good behavior between you and don't cross them.

Or leave the boyfriend and back off from the friend, and get your head together and get beyond the weird place your head is in.

It still comes down to what you do about YOUR feelings, and if its getting to the point YOU or HIM cannot control yourselves, you have NO CHOICE, but to back away and remove yourself from the situation.

If your b/f behavior runs you to any one else's arms, then you need to end it.

Make a decision and follow through with it. I think your past the talking, ranting, and RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS!!

My gosh woman, you have had issues with this fellow every month this year, and that's after a failed relationship last year. Now you are falling for the only confidant you seem to have. HIS friend who has a girlfriend that's YOUR friend!!

Please, its time to deal with the REAL issue, that's YOU, and your big FEAR, being alone, as I am sorry you are out of control. You haven't even gone back to your doctor to have your meds adjusted. Come on now, get it done.

Well me and my boyfriend are over now and I'm gutted but least it makes me stronger and I think you are right I am scared of being on my own I just hate it!

You have made a lot of us here happy, now do what you have to do to make yourself happy with YOURSELF.

Threads merged



Me and my boyfriend have now split and it's really hit me hard, I don't know what to do to get over him, I've deleted all contact from him but I just can't get him out of my head, is they anything else I can do to help me get over it? I thought we were going to get back as he told me we might, but earlier he went nasty on me and told me we didn't have a chance, I'm just so upset!

Calm down as there are no quick fixes, just a hard process of healing to go through.

I'm back with my recent feller, we have been getting on so well, but he seems bit insecure in trusting me which I don't know how he's gone like this. He's gone away till next week and I'm really missing him and today is the 1st day he's gone, I woke up in the early hours of this morning and decided to text him because it were a few hours till his flight to tell him bye and that and we were texting each other but I kept falling asleep in each text and he text me telling me I were taking ages to reply and asking if I had another lad here, which has really got to me as I isn't like that at all. When he arrived in Turkey he told me he got there safely and that he loved me which I were happy about but later on he were saying he knows when a girl is seeing another lad and told me I'd been acting strange but I don't know how he thinks that! Plus he also said that he maybe just being cautious and maybe I'm just trying to get pay back from him splitting with me, with him being so far away from me has got me so worried and I don't know how to resolve it, his mum just told me to stick to the plan which is going to his to be there for when he gets back but I don't want him thinking I'm doing anything like that and splittling with me while he's away I feel really helpless at the moment! Please help what do I do?

Its terrible when two insecure people get together, as the communications is just way off, as each thinks the worst of every little thing, and you both worry about anything at all.

Innocent things shouldn't let to the imagination going wild and facts are what you need. Such as a simple "it 3:30 here and I can't stay awake" is a reasonable response, but the whole issue is in you BOTH being clear in thoughts, and actions, and thinking before speaking.

By the way, I doubt you can keep him from being insecure without calling him on it as reassurance is what he needs but there is a limit as to how far that goes, and when he gets carried away with his own imagination, you have to nip bad behavior, or bad reactions in the bud.

It sounds like he was worried, before he left.

You just got back together you said, was he with someone else after the breakup, before getting back with you?

Maybe its not you he is insecure about, maybe its himself.

For now, sit tight, and when he returns, in person, have a good stern talk to him. If he's already saying things like he knows when a girl is cheating and that you've been acting weird, as you said, and he 'jokes' about you having another man there, his jealousy and insecurity is showing.

It's not up to you to convince him that you aren't doing anything wrong. The question is, why is he saying things, and implying things that are not true, and is it going to stop.

Yeah he told me he was seeing one before we got back but it didn't feel right cause he missed me, I just don't know what to do last night he were texting me really sweet stuff then he started going on about me seeing another guy again, and I promised him that I wasn't and all he said was deny all you want I know you are and I will prove it when I get back I mean what am I meant to do maybe he were drunk but I still don't like being accused of that spesh when I isn't that type of person I don't believe in cheating what so ever!

Whatever his problem, its his to deal with, so let him deal with it without you paying the cost of his bad behavior.

Right here goes, me and my man are going through such pain atm, he recently found out what I did with his best mate I slept with him when we split up but I regret it so much! And he admitted that he kissed my mate while we were still together so that really hurt but I have decided to forgive him, it's just him finding it hard to forgive me for what I did, but my head were all over the place and I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't think that we would get back together or that he cared about me! We have been back together a month and it's been that long for him to find out and now he just seems so down about it and he keeps telling me he's thinking of leaving me so that we don't put each other through the pain but then he cuddles me and tells me he loves me and couldn't lose me again and we have even been making love I'm just so confused about him I don't know what to do? If he went away from me it would kill me in fact I'm scared of how I will take it please someone help me!

If you cannot remove yourself from this situation and his influence, you will continue to be miserable and in pain, so its YOUR decision to make.

Right here goes this is driving me crazy. My boyfriends friend basically gets involved in our relationship 24/7 he tells me I shouldn't talk to my boyfriend about my problems constantly as he has his own problems to deal with which I am aware of as I've been there for him, like a couple should be there for each other!
I am getting kicked out of home, so me and my boyfriend have decided on getting a place together but again his mate has got involved and has just been talking to me about all 3 of us getting a place together and to be honest I don't like this one bit at all I wanted it just to be me and my man, and by the looks of it my boyfriend might of agreed to this as he always puts his mate before me! But the thing I'm mainly worried about is that his friend said to me why don't you stay with your dad and pay board meaning he wanted my boyfriend to get an house with him instead of me but the thing is my dad is moving in with his new girlfriend which is pretty far away and lately we haven't been getting on! And I'm angry because it's me who's the one who won't have a home in a few week! And now I'm worried now that my boyfriend and his mate decide to ditch me and get their own place and I can't do being on my own at all I just don't know what to do at all now!
Living with his friend would really do my nut in to cause of the way he is!! So what do I do about this situation! I am really not happy that he were the one to discuss this with me when it should have been my boyfriend! Thanks for your time! X

Have you asked your boyfriend if just you and him can get a place together and leave the other guy out?

I understand that you are frustrated, but tread these waters very carefully. Remember boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but close friends are hard to "Kick to the side" You are going to have to approach your boyfriend romatically when you talk about moving in and that you would be embarrassed to have a third party around. Let him know that your totally understand his friendship with his buddy, but that relationship can continue without his buddy actually moving in, you know two is company--three is crowd at least living together. If he doesn't want to leave his buddy out of the equation, then its up to you to move on. Do not make this a situation were you are depending on your boyfriend to be able to make it out on your own, either emotionally or finacially this is your responsibility not his!! If you make him choose between you and his best buddy you may be very disappointed. Good luck

This is not complicated at all because its either you and your boyfriend without the friend, or nothing at all, and if your boyfriend cannot go along with that then you kick him to the curb, because he isn't as committed as you are.

This isn't about his friend, its about what your boyfriend chooses to do about his living arrangements.