I am 19 years old and I have been dating this girl for almost 2 years. We have been so close that she honestly means so much to me. Recently college has taken its toll on our relationship as she has been 2 hours away for about 3-4 months now. At first we understood it would be hard but we decided we would try to make it work. For the first month or 2 we were doing fine as I made an effort to go visit her and she did the same for me. However things began to change when my busy schedule in college kept me from seeing her for about a month or 2. She is attractive so she would get hit on daily at her school and I know that must be tough when I'm not around. She met this guy and became friends. She told me that after a while she started feeling attracted to him because of my absence.

This was very hard for me to take in but after a week or so of trying to fix it, I realized that it's not going to happen if she feels like I'm going to be there no matter what.

I went to visit her and we had a fun weekend together, literally a blast but she still would text this guy. Finally I broke down and told her that we should take a break because I can't deal with knowing she's interested in this other guy but still dating me.

She told me she loves me but she feels the same way because we need to "test the waters".

Now I have read the stickies on this forum and most of them sound like getting back together is not an option, but I believe that my situation is different. I did not just develop another high-school to college relationship we really did care about each other and I honestly would be able to accept not having her IF it made her happy. However I want to know if it's a possibility for me to date her in the future.

I talked to my friends and they told me that I need to stop talking to her otherwise she has no reason to come back to me if she didn't lose anything.

However this is hard for me to do now because at the time we were crying and committing to a break we told each other that we would still be friends while we did our own thing.

I REALLY want to be with her but not if she has other feelings. Should I cut contact and let her realize what she is missing? I keep hearing she will come back, but I'm scared she will take it as "I don't want her back" and she will leave me alone.

She has called me several times since I left and we started our break and I have picked it up and talked, she basically would just keep in touch and see what's up.

I want this girl so what should I do. I feel like if I continue being the way I was while I was with her during the break up she has no reason to come back because she didn't lose anything.

What do I do? I really don't want this to be the end and she said she didn't either. She just told me that she doesn't want to date solid all the way through to marriage and then have doubts about whether we were meant to be.

What do I need to do?? Please help me.


OH I FORGOT TO MENTION!!

After this semester she will be returning home for the summer and the next semester we are both going to be at the same college.

From what you have written, I think she may not be as invested in the relationship as she once was.

I think you need to take a full break from her and decide what you want in a relationship. It sounds as though she was already playing relationship games with the other man before you made the break official. She has, at this moment, a different idea of commitment than I think you do. Her concept seems to include trying out other models to see if the car she is buying is really the best one. That works with inanimate objects that have no emotions attached to them

Her concept does not seem to include the emotional attachment that should override her desire to explore her curiosity. If the love is strong enough then it doesn't matter if you are apart for two days or two months, she wouldn't have given into the temptation to build a relationship with the other man.

Curiosity will always be around. So will temptation. Does she expect you to be this understanding if she decides, after you are back together, she wants to try someone else again?

Do you trust her? Why?

Do you think you will be able to trust her after this 'break'?

If you don't think you can trust her, officially end the relationship. There has to be trust or the rest of the relationship falls apart.

Now would be a good time to be less available to her just because she is slowly weaning herself off you any way. Your break is a break up, plain and simple, and you should be doing your own thing, and let her miss you, and if she moves on, then so do you.

Yeah it sucks, but hanging on for her to change her mind will never happen as long as she can contact you whenever she wants. That's a kiss of death. She said test the waters, so that's exactly what you do. Why be in limbo hoping when you can be enjoying yourself, while she wonders for a change.

That doesn't mean looking for a female to replace the old one, and make you feel better. It means enjoy the things you did before you met her, with friends, family, and activities that make you happy.

You're single, act like it.

She's keeping you very nicely on a string, isn't she?

Fact - if she loves you, she'd be staying true to you, not wanting to date other guys.

You're just being kept like a comfort blanket. Get rid of her. Never allow yourself to be treated this way.

I mean is it not possible that she might want to go date other guys so if we do get back together she will have no doubt in her mine she wants me and nobody else?

If she's ready to test the waters, it means that she's having doubts about you. Basically, she wants to see what else is out there, but still hang on to you in case there's nothing else.

The question is, do you want to be her safety net? If you don't mind, then sure, wait around while she's out experimenting with others and see if she comes back to you. But I ask, how is that fair to you?

There's obviously nothing that you can do to force her to get back with you. What you can do is let her know how you feel about her and leave the ball on her side of the court. It will be up to her if she wants to try to continue this relationship without wanting to test the waters.

I mean is it not possible that she might want to go date other guys so if we do get back together she will have no doubt in her mine she wants me and nobody else?

Will there be doubt in your mind if she does come back? Will you be able to get back together without wondering if/when she will want to try new people again. Do you want to spend your life wondering if she will get bored again and wander off again?

Stop thinking about what she wants. That is all she is thinking about. Think about what YOU want and need.