I don't know how to start. I'm just going to tell the whole story here (3 parts I think). It's a bit long but if you guys are patient to read it and give me some advice I'll be very grateful. Thank for all.


Half year ago I had a relationship with a guy. It's a long distance relationship. He is in Australia and I'm in USA. I knew him for long ago, we joined the same forum, I always felt he's funny but we hadn't had any deep talk. Later we talked a lot on MSN and phone, he told me he liked me a lot and he wanted to have a further relationship with me. I told him I just broke up for 1 year and that relationship hurt me a lot, so I was not going to love anyone else anymore, thanks for his love but I couldn't love him, because I just felt nobody can replace my ex. But he insisted that he loved me and his love is real, so can I give him a chance to prove it. He told everyone in his family and they talked to me. I knew he loved me, we even planned for something and I planned next year I will go to Australia to see him. Eventually he made me feel his love is real and we can really make something. We kept in touch for about 3 months and one day he told me, he couldn't wait for me to finish my study, he was 9 years older than me, he wanted to get married but I still had to study, so I couldn't go to Australia to see him. So he told me if I was not going to leave USA right now to be with him, we'd better break up so nobody will be hurt later on. I was in shock when he told me so, but I really couldn't do anything, we were so far and I couldn't ask someone to wait. So we broke up and I felt closing my heart again.

I was sad and depressed for a few days. Another friend that I liked, also stayed far, he talked to me a lot in those days. We had fun time and I appreciated him a lot, because of him I felt less depressed and start gaining fun in life again. After 1 month he told me he loved me "You're very special to me and I know it all along, deep down inside i can feel I'm expecting something..." but we both know it's very hard because we do not stay close together, across an ocean and we don't know how future is going. So we decided just stay as now, make each other feel warm and love. Day by day spending time together, I realized he's the one I'm seeking and I expect something more, I know he expects something else too, but it's just hard to do it. We had nice time for about 3-4 months, then he suddenly changes, he doesn't tell me he changes, but I can sense it. He doesn't say he loves me any more, before when I said I missed him a lot, he will say something, he will console me and make me feel fun, but now when I said I miss him more and more everyday, he said "Eh...remember don't miss me much", when I told him "I love you dear" before going to bed, he just said "bb" and not "I love you a lot too dear" like before he did. We always gave each other a kiss through webcam, but now he doesn't want to show me his webcam anymore, when I asked for a kiss he said "bb, g9" then went offline. He's the one telling me "Love exists in this life, the relationship you're having is real, you should open your heart to accept anything coming, open to see love's around.." when I was sad by the previous guy. He made me feel warm and love. I don't want him to make any promise because it's hard to do it when we're not together, but he tells me love exists and let him prove it, but now he's changing and he's leaving me behind. He and the previous guy and my ex, all tell me "I love you", "open your eyes to see and feel love", yeah BUT how come love DOES exist in this life like that?

I really feel depressed and I feel I'm falling down. It's already the 3rd week and I still don't know how to stop this state. I did think of doing something stupid, I did search Google to see how to kill myself fast, I did think of getting suicide, trying to overuse pills. I can't focus on anything, feel everything boring. I cry a lot when I'm alone at night. I know if I can't gain fun again I will do something stupid. I miss him a lot, I want to tell him but he won't listen, he won't mind it. I know love can't survive if only 1 party wants to keep it, I know I don't really expect anything between us because it's hard (and he tells me he's not the kind of person can accept distant love), but why he has to treat me so, why not just let me feel love as the way it's right now, why he has to ruin it, how can he prove to me there's love in this world when he's doing things against it?

Many people has experienced things as bad as you, but thinking about suiciding is a bit too far. No one, I repeat, no one should take their own life because of lost loves or because of anything else, your life is much more worth than that. Do they want to see you suicide? NO!

What you need is TIME. Time heals all wounds, trust me, I know how pain feels, and I've been deep down on the rollercoaster myself. Has the thought of suiciding ever crossed my mind? Yeah! Did I do it? NO. Why should I? Why should YOU? Just because something ends doesn't mean something better will come.

Start going NC (No contact). You should seek some professional counseling if you feel that depressed. But whatever you do DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!

It sounds like you have not defined your own life. Forget about any guy, you haven't taken the time to define yourself and what you like, and what your interests are. Then you can date, and you can do it selectively on your terms.

You need to spend some time getting to know yourself.
You fall in love so quickly and with people who are far away.
Spend sometime without a boyfriend. Concentrate on your studies, the right person will come along in due time and it will be someone you can see face to face.
But take your time. Be leery of someone who says "I love you" after such a short period, and don't jump into another relationship right after one ends. You're too vulnerable then and can be easily taken advantage of.

You spend way too much time looking for love through the computer.

Friendships are one thing, I've met some of the nicest people in my life online, but to be looking for love and trying to nurture a relationship across a vast distance, without any real hope it will work out, is an exercise in futility.

Why do you nurture and look for love this way. How old are you, and have you had a serious relationship that isn't anchored by a keyboard?

That you are left so devastated that you would consider suicide, is far more a bigger problem than breaking up with an online boyfriend.

You have not provided a lot of information in your post. Intuition tells me that there are more problems, or contributing problems, on top of boyfriend troubles.

Please come back and tell us more about your life,apart from the fact that you spend a lot of time online.

What is really making you feel so low?

Do you have real friends and family to talk to?

And please see your doctor about your depression.

I know what you're problem is and I've been there myself. The cold hard truth is that you seem to fall for someone over the internet. It never really works out and once you're together you ll find out they aren't the person you thought they would be.

I don't think you can really fall for someone over the internet. You need to be around that person in real life to know who they really are. Believe me, I "thought" I fell for someone over the internet once and after everything ended, she wasn't the person I thought she was and that perfect reality isn't so perfect anymore.

Let the past be and focus more on your life and build relationships that are more in person whether it is just friends or a relationship.

Why are you depending on some stranger to give you love, and happiness, when that's YOUR job, and YOUR responsibility, to love yourself, and build a life that makes you happy. Then you will have something good to share with the right person, so get off the computer, and go make some real friends, who are doing real fun things. Then you won't have time googling killing yourself, because of some pen pal relationship.

Life is so full of so many things to do, and enjoy. Try googling "How to enjoy yourself" instead.

Maybe your heart won't break if you find a guy who lives down the street from you instead of across the world.

Relationships over a computer are destine to fail. Very few people make it work.

Everything on a computer is spur of the moment. Not only that, but personalities over the computer are completely different once you've met in person. There is no fear of rejection from a computer screen. Hurtful words aren't nearly as hurtful.

Turn your computer off, and start living your life. You don't need a man to be happy. In fact, older women (I find this funny) always state that once the husband kicks the bucket, they're never going to remarry.

Men will not make you happy unless your happy with yourself. Apparently you're not. Seek guidance from a therapist. Just because you see a therapist doesn't mean you're sick, it just simply means that you need someone to encourage you to do something.

Meet a real boy. I'm sure a real boy will make you a lot happier than an e-boy.

Thanks for all advices and comments on my post. I know I'm falling for someone over the network, and I'm falling deep too. Many told me the love over network is not something worth enough to fall for and to be hurt by it. I know people are not always the same as they are on internet. I said not always because I do have some very good friends that I know from internet and they become my real close friends, even better than those I know in real life.

I used to have a boyfriend that did not come from the internet and we spent time together. I know exactly what you guys are saying, yeah, even we know each other in real life, we still fight a lot and can't get to know each other well enough. Then we broke up because of stupid things and I thought that's the end for me with love, because that breakup hurt me so much that I got depressed for a long time. I couldn't make myself forget it till the day my grandmother passed away. To some people, it's just hard for them to accept the truth about something that is close enough to them leave them behind.

I don't really like to stick with the computer much, but my study and work require so. I also don't expect to find love all the time through network, maybe I just haven't found the one that's close to me in real life, or maybe I'm just so naïve to believe that love is same as in network and in life.

Love is not the only reason makes me depressed, as Jake2008 said. I'm living alone, no family here, many things happen in school and workplace make me feel I'm useless and without me, life is still going on as it is. I completely fall and don't know what I should do next, which way should I go. And there's thing happened that make me feel I'm really too naïve and too simple to live in the society, I don't know how to handle things,etc. Well, I just think of joining a social organization, find another job and learn some subjects I really like but have no time for it before.
Thanks for all, guys. I feel I need to do something now to get rid of this state :)

Well it's kind of obvious that you're lonely, but it's not the end of the world. How much time do you have left of school?
You come back here anytime you need a boost.
We're here for you.
I think what you need now is a friend, not so much a lover.