Well.. I just want to say that I feel comfortable being here already. I've spent the past day going through the forums of users Sdjosh and Sandstorm99. Yes, they're old stories.. but let me just say this.. I feel closer to them then I do most of my own friends and family right now. I've actually found myself in tears reading and when I had to walk away I couldn't wait to get back and continue reading. I feel like I was there with them during their two year struggle. I have to say I feel great for Sdjosh (assuming his marriage is going well) but I feel like crap for Sandstorm when read his story and seeing the outcome. Who knows though.. his last post was about a year ago. I've seen the ups and the downs. I too am afraid. I too would like advice to keep my head straight and I too would like my story to one day help someone else. Sorry my typing etc. is horrible!
To start.. I had a 2 year plus relationship with my ex in which we had a child very early on. No, he wasn't an accident, and no, I will not ever say the birth of my son was stupid regardless of the situation. We were great when together.. we were different then most couples who were always trying to be that perfect show couple. I use the term "two peas in a peanut" lol.. It describes us a little bit better. Well, we haven't had the easiest of times at ALL, but we always had each other. We were stuck moving constantly and had to come up with places to live in a matter of hours (no fault of our own). I'm a felon from some ought years back and it's left me with the inability to get on at most jobs. Although I'm learning to not let that kind of stuff stand in the way now and I'm slowly getting my ambition back. SLOWLY. I tried so many different things from working short term jobs to owning my own business for a while to selling blood to provide for my family when all my applications and so forth fell through. Through all this, I started feeling a about of depression moving in. It just slowly consumed me for the past year and turned me into everything I hate about this world. I used to be the peace maker and I would end arguments.. Now I'm an a-hole and a very bitter guy. I grew up in a really crappy way with a lot of problems with family and life in general, but I never took anything I had for granted and always appreciated everything good.. Now I sit thinking about everything I do not have and I've forgotten what I do. I took my family for granted and stopped showing affection, love, and stopped spending the little moments in exchange for trying to provide only materialistic things to make things better. It was EXTREMELY STUPID of me. I started noticing things were getting bad about the same time she says now that she started losing feelings for me.. a little over a year ago.. I let stress get the best of me. I tried everything I could think of except the one thing that mattered.. BEING THERE.. I noticed she tried very hard to show me and even flat out say things to me and I blindly didn't see it.. and I heard nothing. She tried up until the final week. My son and her went to GA (we're in FL) to visit her mother's side of the family because her grandpa was just found to have cancer and his colon exploded. This side of her family used to get along great with me, but then I started noticing how much of a friend she was to my ex and not so much of a caring mother. We butted heads on various things, but we always managed to be civil and still joke about other subjects we agreed on. Anyway, I decided to stay and get some work hours in and I had to take care of her cats. I wanted them to have some bonding time and so forth as well. When they left I was feeling down about how everything had been so I started really working my off to ensure things were better and fixed so there would be less arguing and fighting about stupid stuff when they got back. When they arrived we decided to go take a trip to her dad's place here in FL for the weekend and I took her to the fair. I was so proud at how hard I worked and that I could actually finally afford to take my family out to have a good time and to spend time being a family. I let the money get to my head and had one last fit about money over something extremely stupid (wasting things.. small petty things.. ) and she finally snapped. She said that she couldn't take anymore fighting. I was confused and though "ok, maybe she just needs to cool off". I was wrong, she wanted out! I took some time to separate myself from her so I could mentally punish myself for being so dumb. When I spoke to her she said she wanted to break up right now and couldn't handle this anymore. I asked her if it was a break and she said she wanted it done and dating other people might be an idea. I was devastated. I cried (which I never do over anything but her and my son when things are VERY bad), I begged, I talked with her throughout the weekend while we were down there about it all and I got her to give me a chance. I was given one week to show her how sorry I was. We got home on a Sunday and she and I talked about it more and again STUPIDLY I pushed the subject until she broke again rather then just working on making things better. Yeah, I'm an idiot. She called her mom and left the day we got back home. She went to GA and our son is here with me. I realized two days after she left what I did and how I needed to change and what I could do to work on it. I called her almost every day when she asked for space. I tried to explain to he that I knew what happened and I knew how to fix it and that we could still be that great couple we once were. She got mad that I didn't give her space and ended up saying hurtful things during that times.. I don't blame her for it either.. She clearly stated her wants at the time. I knew we still had a chance so I kept writing to her on Facebook, myspace, even 10 pages of hand written letters in which I sent to her a week ago. She ignored them all. When we spoke on the phone (which I initiated almost 100% of the calls) I would verbally corner her and release this big wave of emotions and thoughts on her and hold her hostage on the phone for almost an hour at a time. I realize now that it was ignorant of me to think I could just talk her into coming back. I also lied and said all would be better. I now see that I'm still very much depressed. It's been 4 weeks since she left me and I've cried almost daily and had contact almost every day with the exception of a 5 day period in which we were pissed at one another. I started reading this no contact thing and decided it was time to try it, but before I did I had to corner her once more and shove 4 more questions at her. She didn't answer at first.. so I sent it a second time. This time I made myself ask in a nicer, lighter way. She answered 4 questions for me and I'm not sure if I wanted the answers I got or not. I told her if she answers them I would leave her alone for good and she can call when she wants to talk to our son Wesley. I have done so. At the end of today I will have completed 2 days of no tears and no contact. I deactivated my Facebook for a while because I would find myself on her profile hourly. I'm going back to work today as well. My problems now have changed. I can't will her back despite how much I love her and want her home with her family. I know this now. Problems are: 1)We have a child to talk about and arrange custody for which is going to make no contact hard. 2)I know the road to recovery is getting away from her and fixing my depression.. but my family's the only thing that makes me happy in life anymore. I have my son and I love him to death, but I'm still looking at what I don't have. I got a new truck coming, a new job possibility, I got my mom moving down to meet my son for the first time, and still not happy. How do I change this back to the way I used to be? How do I learn to love that in which I DO have? 3) She's pissed off at me because I will not let go of our son until we have papers signed so I know I'll get to seem him again no matter what. You'd think she would be in agreement, but man is she on fire. I only do not trust her because of her latest irrational decision making and lying to me about liking this one guy (a story in it's own). She's chosen all the worst routes to take right now and she's going to drag out son down with her. She's a great mother usually but is VERY stubborn in her ways and doesn't allow herself to hear what I have to say. So until she comes down to stay with her father like she said she was going to, I have him an she's pissed at me for not being able to see him. I've done everything I can to be a responsible parent and put him first and I don't have to do anything unless we go to a court and I'm ordered to. I'm doing all this for my son, her, and for the sake of making peace. She'll be closer (1 hour away instead of 6) and I'm not sure if I should break the NC (with custody talks aside) for this opportunity to show her I'm making progress or if I should just keep NC and risk not having that chance when/if she goes back to GA with her mom after the papers are signed. She also said that when she left she planned on giving me a shot (she's said this before she left and it was one of my 4 questions), but now she says she's not sure because a)I kept bugging her b)the custody issue has mad her very upset(and I understand why.. it's her son too). I'm not sure what to do here. So... cue the words of wisdom lol!

Again!
- Things to make the time pass by without her getting into my head.
- Things I could do to show her improvement.
- Things to do to make myself less depressed and appreciate my life again.
- How to get her to not be mad over being a responsible parent.
- Do I break NC when she comes down and I can/will see her.
- How do I act while speaking about custody to keep things happy and make them better?

Looking for those same forum users to come back and give this dude some help. Hoping to hear how they're doing too! Thanks everyone!

You need to speak to your lawyer about custody and how the financial side of things is to be handled.

You could thy legal mediation so that matters regarding your child will be handled in an adult manner.

Other than that I think you stick to NC as best as you can.

Have you seen your doctor about your depression?

Well.. we are in agreement 100% so far (unless she tries to change her mind in which case I have plenty of legal way in court and the incrimination on her families side to get them out keeps building up.. ).. She's supposed to be down this week to sign the custody papers and stay with her dad for however long she decides to..
Already have mediators, paralegals, lawyers, legal aide, and paternity action papers waiting just in case she decides to head the court route..
I'm trying to.. but I don't want to come off as unfriendly and an to her.. you know? I want us to work out again honestly, but I'm doing the best I can to let her miss me and to learn to be happy without her.
Yeah, when I was a kid I was on ADHD meds.. chose to get off them.. they put me on depression meds for a bit as well.. pulled away from those and did just fine.. I hate vices.. I don't even use my inhaler.. I'm quitting smoking.. I don't like things that I have to depend on that weaken me. I could go and get meds easily.. I just would like to do this naturally. I know it's do able because I used to do it. I plan to work out and get my body back by summer hopefully.. If I can't use it to flaunt in front of her I can use it to bring in others lol.
I want to be over her because.. honestly.. I looked at myself in the mirror.. in tears.. and just sat and stared for like 10-15 minutes trying to figure out if I would come back to me even. I said I wouldn't.. I know I need to change.. but I would like for there to be a way to get the message to her that I have.. but she lives 6 hours away.. She'll be around other people more then me. I'll never be able to just walk away from her because of our son. I feel trapped a bit.
I did stop myself from tearing up today.. It wasn't easy but I figured hell I might as well not cry while I do no contact and just let the days rack up. Also, I deleted her numbers yesterday! However, I did have to write it down in case of emergency with our son.. but I wrote it down and balled the paper up and threw it behind the couch.. lol.. I have no plans to go through that to retrieve it.. I do however still have access to her accounts and emails and I keep going back to them.. I keep seeing things that hurt me more or make me angry.. I feel like I just can't stop myself.. I already have it rough not getting on myspace and Facebook because of my tendency to wander to our pics or her profile.. I feel sick.. you know? I have spied on her this way.. I feel I was justified when I seen what she said about this one guy.. but really.. other then her not letting me know who's around my son (which I let her know).. I'm not justified at all. I keep getting is my fix of her and I'm not doing a whole lot with myself ever since she said I probably lost my chance with her.
I also didn't mention that she said she loves me before.. she just those "in-love" feelings. I don't know what to make of it. How does she go from caring and loving the week she got back to THIS in 5 days of being gone? I'm wondering if it's influence/manipulation on the part of this guy she's talking to (him and I hate each other.. and if it wasn't for custody I would have tore him down already.. he has issues so I'm taking the proper steps to ensure he never lays a finger on my son). This situation just keeps escalating and if it keeps down this path then yes we will eventually end up warring and hating one another. I don't want that. I cannot be her friend only because it'll hurt too much to see her with other guys and I've told her this.. but I do like having her in my life.. you know?

Also would like to get some perspective from:
Samesame, sdjosh, sandstorm99, talaniman, mckenzie134, etc.

Really wish I could get some help lol.. She just called.. I didn't answer so she still has no clue what I'm up to.. I'm sure she just wants to talk about our son.. but I'm not sure how I should go about it not being awkward and the NC thing.. I mean I can come up with things but they all sound kind of cold and obvious.

When it comes to your son the be polite and brief... but don't let the conversation take turns and to either your or her personal life. It complicates things when there are children involved, but polite and brief would be the best approach in my opinion.

As for keeping her out of your head, only cure for that is time. You CAN do things like taking proactive measures and keep yourself busy. Chill with friends, go out, do the things by yourself that YOU like to do. Don't worry about showing HER improvement, show yourself improvement. Trust me, it feels good when we are down and out to accomplish something. Anything from taking an extra course or two to learn about something you may be interested in, writing a book, I don't know you or your interests but things like that help. Channel some creative energy into something. Sounds hokey (Im a 22 year old guy so I know how weak some of this may sound) but in these situations they truly do help.

Thanks for the reply.. was wondering if I would have to wing it lol.. I haven't called her back yet.. not sure if I'm going to call or wait for her to call again, I only worry that she mistakes that as me trying to keep her child from her.. you know?
I feel you man.. I can goof off with my son.. it's what I've been doing, but, I don't know what else to do when I have a child to care for 24/7. I feel like I'm going insane and actually I sat down to think about some things (stayed up all night actually), and the biggest one was that I'm unhappy about this current job I have, but this is the only job I can work where I can bring him with me until I get my mom moved down so she can help watch him on my days when I have to work. So I again feel trapped like there's nothing I can even do about any of this. I have one friend in the area and I don't want my kid around during adult times. Makes it a bit rough, to say the least.. I'm 23 so your ideas sound about right. I have a little home gym set that I'm moving back to my place to get back into shape and clear my head. My head's so jumbled up right now that taking care of my son is all I have really done this past month.. I've barely worked at all.
I finally had the balls to remove her from my MSN as well.. so now it's all gone. When I talk to her, do I end the conversation and call, or does it even matter? Right now I also have this idea in my head that I'm not going to be able to meet anyone who's going to want to be with a 23 year old single father with a past felony.. lol.. I'm working on putting the felony behind me and expungement soon since it's an older charge. I'm just trying to find ways to improve my life for myself and my son while perhaps finding ways to change myself so that I might impress women as well. I love reading how most of the stories end well even though they didn't get back together, but as much as I love my son I think being a single father changes the likelihood of that happening for me.
Sorry for random rambling.. I'm still in the shock state of trying to figure out what happened, why, etc.. I'm analyzing everything..

Apolgoies are not required here bro haha we all have posts like this to our name. If you need proof that NC works, you can view my thread, and in some of the stickies at the top of the relationship forum there are links to other NC success stories.

It's normal to analyze everything, its still so fresh. We all do it. The only way to start not over analyzing things is keeping yourself busy. You have a son, and from what I have read in your posts you have been there for him and spending time with him and that is the best thing you can do. He is all that matters right now.

No, you don't want to give the impression that your denying her the opportunity to see her son, and this is where things get tricky. I'm no expert, but if I were you, I would answer her phone calls (give her the chance-who knows she may just be contacting you to see her son) and see if that is what its really about. Don't let the conversation go into any other topics. The only thing you two have in common at this point is the child, and that is all that needs to be discussed. Anything else leads to further confusion and heartbreak.

We all feel like we won't ever meet someone after we have been dumped, but its not true. (Again, see success stories). Right now, meeting new women is not so important. You have bigger fish to fry. Look after your son just like you have been doing. If you can, search for a new job. You said it makes you unhappy, it's time to correct that and start doing things that make you happy-only way to move past her. If not, than bring your mom down for the support, and stick it out until you do find something that makes you happier career wise or until something presents itself.
When it IS time to meet new girls, you don't advertise yourself as a 23 year old felon... we all have pasts and most of us are able to learn/move on from our mistakes. You get to know someone, and IF things get serious, you may bring up your past then if you wish, but this should be furthest from your mind and a couple of months down the line at least. You feel down on your luck, and its normal. You have the right idea though, keep finding ways to improve yourself, and your sons life, but don't do it for her or any other woman, do it for you guys.

Yeah, you're right, it is all about him. Is it bad of me to have selfish feelings time to time? Like, I just want some time to be alone for like a full weekend to get my head clean just for a few days. He looks so much like her, so it doesn't matter if I even take her stuff and pack it (which I did and told her we can arrange pick-up or drop-off), and this house is where we spent most of our time as a couple off and on. I just feel like I need to escape, but I have no where to go, you know? I can't leave state to see any family due to custody right now, and I have really one friend nearby who I work with but he works almost all day every day and Saturday's his only day to relax... sometimes not even that. Kind of want to be alone and I kind of don't, but other then the phone, I feel like I have no one to reach to in person.
It's been 2 full days now of not talking to her and no tears.. She called again, but him and I were napping lol. I don't want to call her really.. I don't want to talk to her PERIOD right now. I feel a blatant disregard for my feelings and how she trashed both my son and my lives in a matter of days without hesitation and in a seemingly angry way. I mean seriously, she LEFT ME! Why's she being so evil to me? I had enough of it by week 2 and I told her "Excuse me, no! You're not going to be like that with me when I've done nothing but be nice, kinda, and loving.. Sorry, but no! Then week 3 and 4 brought the anti-submissiveness out of me!! I finally told her that as far as custody she needs to grow up, put him first, stop ignoring what I'm saying, stop being manipulated by the idiots that are are her, talk rationally with me or not at all, and I told her I'm being nice and doing all the legal stuff while she's up there tanning etc and getting her mind off things and this is a favor to my son and her. I do NOT have to help her I can just file court papers and she can wait a month before she gets any sort of custody via a judge. I haven't played any of the cards I hold and I've made every attempt to try to work on us and custody while I feel she's verbally and emotionally spit in my face.
She did say something that ticked me off a little at the initial break up time. She said leave her be, let this be her mistake if it's a mistake. Seriously? She's going to ruin any future to get our family together by knowingly going head on, and out of her way, into mistakes. I told her this isn't a typical mistake and could even end up not fixable period and she's dragging us down with the ship. Trying to understand why she's in this "I don't care" mood.
I honestly did do a lot of things that I needed and wanted to do while she was gone with her coming back as motivation, and now, well, I feel like that motivation as left me so I've been doing bare minimum.. aside from getting my son out and about.
Not sure how I can keep my feelings back when we talk. I have this tendency to be honest about how I feel and the tendency to blurt out said honesty lol. It's a curse, really. I know to act like I've got other things to do and to get out of the convo asap, but I'm not sure where to draw the line between talking about Wesley and her using it as a trap down the line for casual conversations(him as the subject of course). I really have been reading about all these traps and tugs on the line to see if we come running then screwing guys over again by fading back out after the glimmer of hope they've given. Really is twisted.
Love the girl, and I'm afraid I may go running. Whether she's sincere or not, I'm afraid that I'll be screwed further as well. She could tell me right now that she wants to work on getting together again and I'd do it without her even earning my trust back at all. Stupid, I know!
Yeah, I man I HATE the radio right now. So many stupid songs, commercials, etc. that make her pop in your mind again. There was a commercial with her name, a caller with her first name and her middle name as the girl's last, and a Offspring song with her name in the title. lol.. I can't escape it I don't think.
I've been getting my mind off her by calling a lot of old friends(mostly women) that I had to leave behind due to jealousy on both our parts lol. She picked up on this on FaceBook before I deleted it and left a status saying something like, "I love how everyone gets pissed at me when I talk to a guy but my son's father can talk to other girls and hang out with them.. Someone answer that for me because I have no clue". Nor do I really, is she mad that people are being hypocritical, or is she just plain jealous?
Still also wondering about why she was talking to this one guy 5 days our of our relationship (never officially boyfriend and girlfriend because they were/are supposedly waiting for his divorce). I mean what does that say about her feelings, our feelings, our relationship? Why was she mad at me? Why did she not give me another shot first? Why is she not hearing me out? Why is she throwing away years of relationship and a family for NOTHING but possibilities? Why the 180 on her feelings and the way she is towards me? I don't quite understand most of this. I'm a logical guy(keeps me out of trouble these days lol) and none of this makes piss for sense, both logically, and illogically. It's like.. I don't know.. I'm tired of wondering these things and she only answered the 4 main questions before I promised to leave her alone per her request.
Lol.. Man she's gone completely crazy.. I almost feel wrong for having sex with her before.. lol.. She's lost her mind it seems.. so why is it I'm the one feeling insane while she's comfortable, relaxing, and happy?
I plan to get the next phone ring or just call her back tomorrow and tell her we didn't get home till late. I really do not want to do this. Remind me to get neutered before I enter any more relationships. It'd help if I could go on a date to get her out of my head, but that's probably not a good idea like you said. I just want to do as Sneeze, Sdjosh, etc. have done and just go out and enjoy life without rushing though.. I'd like to just have some fun and enjoy my time as well.
I'm currently reading your thread, the_original, and it appears yours is fresh too! I can't believe there's so many guys in the same boat. Almost like a little underground society I've come across here lol..

Man... she left a VoiceMail message the second call.. Should I delete it without hearing it since I plan to talk to her? I really DO NOT want to hear her voice for the lest amount of time possible. It hurts a lot.. specially this crappy tone I get from her now that says "you're not worth me day, I'm not excited to talk to you, and I'm angry with you".. I HATE THAT VOICE.
Day 6 without a cigarette.. sometimes I feel like I need one.. like when I have to talk to her, but oddly lately all of this has kept me so preoccupied and so forth that I lost a lot of the cravings, and I was back u to smoking a pack + a day when she left. I'm proud of myself, but I'm not sure the reason behind this and it has me wondering why I'm not craving it. Hopefully nothing's wrong and it's just mind over matter.

Nvm.. and sorry for the triple post.. I need to listen to see if it's about custody unfortunately.. thankfully I know it's only 0 seconds long.. I'll listen before I click post..
"I was wondering if you could call me.. I have some questions about Wesley.. alright.. bye.."
And my heart is already racing/pounding.. GRR I hate this feeling.. I guess I need to call her.. I'll again wait before I post. No call waiting I guess.. just gives a busy tone. Nvm went through this time.. no answer.. I love how it's already dragging out. Hate the fact I have to be an jerk about her not seeing him until she signs the papers, but I'm not risking losing my son over her erratic and irrational behavior. Unfortunately, this drives us further apart. NC until she calls back.. She knows I called she'll call again..

Delete before hearing it. If you listen, you will over-analyze her words. Not a fun idea.

Check out the NC related threads in my signature.

NC means ZERO contact. Zilch.

Too late.. it did make my heart race... but it was over custody issues.. I had to listen and I had to try to get a hold of her.. she didn't answer, but she'll know I called and she can get back to me. I'll keep it about our son and custody and that's it. Tell her I got to go do something or another.. lol..
You're right, the message did make me think, and feel bad for about 30 minutes or so.. so it's getting better then before. She said she had questions about our son and asked if I could get back to her. Made me wonder why she's clarifying that it's purely about him.. Hurts even, but she knows I knew it was all about him from her eon out. I'm the one who said I'd leave her alone after I forced her into answer those 4 questions about 3-4 days ago.. Told her I'll give her the space she asked for and that I just wanted those answers so I could move on. Sucks still that she didn't seem phased. We had a family together and spoke of marriage and more children before she left.. WTH happened that made her 180 THAT quick?

On a lighter note..
Was goofing off with my son and I took a little plastic ball of his and wrapped it in tape sticky side up.. LMAO it was hilarious.. he was getting frustrated but when I'd laugh he'd play it off and giggle back and smile.. He's a smart kid though.. he figured out how to stick it to the couch and let go lol..


Thanks for the replies you all.. I really thank you for taking your time to help me keep from insanity.. lol.. It seems like you all have a big family here..

Dude.. I'm really really really hating the fact I have to talk to her when I finally got to the being OK with NC place.. Man, she has every reason to break NC and can do so because of my love for my son.. Like my stomach feels like it's on fire.. and I can feel this.. odd feeling.. all up my spine.. I don't want to deal with this.. and short of losing my son I can do nothing.. I feel powerless even over my own self. I don't want to see her or talk to her right now because it'll reset all the things I went through for the past month.. I DO NOT WANT TO RE-LIVE TEARS, BEGGING, WRITING, COMMENTING, PHONE CALLS, ETC. I think I can relate this feeling to that of 'butterflies in your stomach' feelings from hell.. It's... wow.. I keep wondering when she's going to call now and what she has to say.. I want to see her number pop up on the phone.. I want her to tell me she wants to try to work things out when she comes back to FL for custody, but I feel stupid because I know better..
I realize that people here are busy with their own lives and answers millions of questions so I guess I'm going to use this place as a journal and sounding board of sorts. I need to get it out.. I'm tired of venting on everyone around me.. I want to be strong and show no weakness now.. I want to rebuild now. Time is helping, but in the mean time everything else has been place on the back burner while I sit here wasting away daily. I'm accomplishing nothing. I plan to work this whole week.. however, when I do things I start thinking and feelings weak and like crap again. I HATE this sort of feeling. I hate not having control over myself at least. I need a power boost of some sort.. Not sure what though. When I took my son fishing yesterday I was able to not think about her and so on.. Love fishing lol.. but there's not much around here. I have a vehicle coming and a kick @ss deal on it as well and I look forward to it greatly, but I'm not even taking steps to procure this deal which may fade out soon! I'm watching myself fall apart and feel as though there's nothing I can do. Like I'm on display and I'm watching myself through the glass doing something stupid and I can yell out and say "stop this crap.. get off yer butt and get your f'ing act together".. I really have this feeling of needing to be punched. Lol.. Odd.. I know..

Keep your conversations to a minimum. Nothing unnecessary. Like a business relationship.

If it's not custody related, then don't bother talking. The less contact the better.

Have you hired counsel? Have your lawyer talk for you as well, to help you minimize your contact.

Well we're trying to settle out of court through a paralegal or something along those lines so I have to talk to her one last time for a length of time to make sure we're in agreement on everything and I'll just have the papers made up and all she has to do is show up and sign. Her mom told me the other day(and her mom and I get along OK but for the most part do not like one another) that I should try to show her the change I spoke about when she gets down here rather then continually trying to tell her like I was doing and gave up on. Do I keep the NC.. I believe I asked this already but confirmation from multiple people may make it a strong feeling for me. Do I keep NC when she comes down to stay with her dad for a while (assuming she's stick to that plan) or do I make the best of this opportunity to get the family back together? Common sense and past dating experience tells me to leave it alone, but this isn't just some relationship, this is my family.. we have a child involved. I do not believe in staying together for the sake of the kids since this keeps things hostile at home, but I do believe that it's a reason to try to make things work. I'm not sure why that's not hit her.. I even mentioned those exact words. Who knows.. I need to get the hell out of the house though! I live in the middle of no where and no vehicle at the moment.. At the mercy of friends and only one is around ad he's unavailable.. I just need a good day/night, you know?

Another suggestion I have is to always have a third person present when you have a conversation with her. That way, it dissipates the feelings.

Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to do 100% NC, especially when you have a son involved.

Also, whenever you have to pick up or drop your son off, stay in the car so that you don't have to see her. Or have a third party help you do some pick up and drop offs.

Thanks Wish! These are all good ideas and I appreciate your help.
I wish I could do no contact.. This is still hurting pretty bad. I just had this weird vision/idea/thought in my head.. I remember how we were when we got together and how we threw feelings of love and desire to one another, and now I'm picturing her doing that with some other guy. This just brought back the crappiest feeling ever. I'm trying not to think about it, but those stupid kind of thoughts are screwing my head up badly. Like I visually see her in my head holding onto some guy with that look she used to give me while going in for a kiss etc etc.. It's ALL BAD.. I hate it.. I cannot control it though!
The pick up drop off thing will hopefully only hurt for a while and hopefully will turn the tables when the day comes that I can show I don't care anymore. Who knows.. I have hope one minute.. none the next..

Hope one minute, none the next. Damn I know that feeling... it does fade though. Slowly, very very slowly, but it does. She left me almost 3 months ago and today I moped around like a little baby, which I haven't done in weeks. You will have off days, and continue to have them for a long time. The trick is to just get through them... sucks. But you do it... I watched a ton of movies today, Swingers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, etc and all made me laugh and took my mind off the crappy things in life for the most part. (Also helps you realize people out there go through way worse). Just stick it out.

Don't let your mind wander to thoughts of her with another guy. Even if that's the case, that is so disrespectful to you guys as a family, and really it's a lot better you found this out now sooner rather than later. The trick is to take measures and do something to get your mind off her... watch a movie with your son. If he's asleep/entertained then do something YOU like. I know what its like to feel trapped... I don't have a vehicle either and live in a small town where all my friends live in the city 30 minutes away. The only thing you can do is distract your mind as much as possible.

I guess the main point is time. I know it sucks huge, and its probably not believable at this point, but it does work. Keep contact to a minimum (do this for yourself-getting back together and all your "what ifs" are irrelevant at this point) and just let things run their course. The more you talk to her, the more you hurt. The easier you make it for her, the harder for yourself.

I am sorry to hear about your custody situation though. Just try your hardest to get the fairest and most quick resolution possible I guess.

Thanks for the words of encouragement man. I hate this roller coaster thing. I've done some things to take my mind off it but somehow I have the ability to relate EVERYTHING to her. Lol.. sounds dumb man but even in these forums I saw KP.. her initials.. that alone made me feel down for a little.
Yeah, man.. we're definitely in the same boat with the exception of the custody thing. I live in the middle of no where too. Trying to convince friends who are all concerned with their own problems (understandable of course) and can't make it out. I talk on the phone to friends and cousins and stuff mostly but all I talk about is her. It's really sad.. even I know it.
Trying to let time slip by, just worried that I'm going to kill too much of it and get no where while I'm waiting for the day I don't feel like crap all day. Not sure how long this is supposed to take.. counting hours.. minutes even.
I'm trying to let the what-ifs out of my head but they're replaced by an endless line of them it seems. I do believe time will let me heal and I believe it will work, but man what the hell do I do in the mean time is what's killing me..

What's killing me is she said we had a chance before and still hasn't said that we don't have any chance.. even when asked I'm met at worst with an I don't know or a percentage (my way of having her make this logical and mean something). Why if she wants me to move on does she not just say "piss off"? She said she wants to be friends.. but I told her long ago that I'm not fond of the friends with ex thing until I feel comfortable again which takes years it seems for me and even then I stay clear to avoid any possible return of feelings. She too know how much I love her and care about her and yet she asks to be my friend? Like I said she tells me to move on and not to sit here and be hurt but won't tell me it's done for good? Why did her mom tell me to give it a try in person when she comes down? Her mom and I don't even get along lately.. Is this suppose to be like a *hint hint wink wink*? 'i haven't the slightest clue. This again is a what-if and false hope. I know better now but yet I still let these thoughts enter my mind. Seriously, I can't pay someone to punch the thoughts out of my head? Lol.. I still am not sure if I should break non-custody NC rules and try it in person or if I should keep her away. I know.. I sound like a broken record. I have hope for myself and feeling better.. but the minutes, hours, days, weeks go by so slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..
If I have a girl who's interested in me come around and my son is in her custody at the time is it OK to go for it? I know now's not the time to go out of my way to look for a relationship, but I don't know if this area should be avoided all together. I don't really see anything serious happening, but then again.. what do I know, aye? Lol
Think that I may work on a certification until I have the ability to get a family member down here to babysit so I can find a different job and still have my custody time. It'll give me something to do, a goal, and possibly a job at the end and I won't have to pledge a lot of time that I'm not even sure I have right now to do it.
Work sucks because it's outside and a very slow paced job working on a farm with nothing but the quiet surroundings around. All I do here is think about her. I bring a mp3/cd player sometimes but man every song I listen to suddenly has become some sappy love/past love song.. lol.. Specially country music.. That crap is killing me..
Trying to spend some of my free time planning a trip to take once the dust has settled.. Possibly out of the country.. Who knows.. I just feel like I need to get AWAY.. Not sure if it means I'm running away or not.. All I know is I want at LEAST a weekend of nothing but relaxing and fun to just get all this off my mind. Between her crap and custody and my own personal issues (work, ged, looking into a career, etc) my mind hasn't stopped once.. not even for 5 minutes in the past month.

Dancing to Carlos Santana's Supernatural CD with my son is a good time killer.. lol.. sounds gay.. but it works and make me laugh.. Anything to make me laugh works..

Lost my girl.. Going to see my kid for half his life until he's 18.. Losing hope again.. When it rains it pours.. I try to come here when I get thoughts or urges that I shouldn't be worrying myself with. I just have this feeling like I need to ask her when she's here visiting about trying again or ask her "why not try? what do you have to lose?" and I know she'll respond "what do I have to gain?".. I just want to say that she'll find out.. that we love one another that we were perfect and that I don't want to argue and fight anymore either and I realized that I took them for granted and worried about everything else instead of spending time with them. That we can be the way we used to be because now I know how to solve the problem.
Seriously, I think I'd have a 100% chance at making it work long term had I figured it out sooner or she came home to see I was for real..
Honestly.. I'm an idiot.. but.. and here's a "what if".. What if it worked?
See I'm ready to move on now because I know I've tried everything and now that her geographic location will have changed I feel like there's more to try.. I'm really just confusing myself and messing with my own head. I planted seeds of hope and now.. I'm sorting them trying to figure out which I'm supposed to do. INPUTS PLEASE!. If you got to friend get them in here to vote lol.. I really think she needs to make it up to me as well some how for treating me like dirt knowing I was hurting and upset already, but she's on the stubborn side of things lol..

Do I stay NC when she comes down for a little to work out custody with me, or try to show her the changes in which I've made?

This is what's bothering me horribly.. I think she's still being manipulated by this guy she likes/liked.. I know her family doesn't like me and I know they're not good news for her. I have thought for the past month that she should come to FL and to stay at her dad's and maybe it'll allow her to think clearly again, you know? Is this possible or really dumb?

You stick to NC as best you can-only communicate re custody etc.

I wish's advice,having a third party present is sound.

You are going around in circles with your heart trying to outwit your brain-the what ifs and the maybes-normal as they are at this stage-is you not wanting to let go of false hope.

All this is a process of the various stages of grief and it will take time.

Take care of yourself,eat,sleep and keep busy.

You will get through this,we all do.

Lost my girl.. Gonna see my kid for half his life until he's 18.. Losing hope again.. When it rains it pours.. I try to come here when I get thoughts or urges that I shouldn't be worrying myself with. I just have this feeling like I need to ask her when she's here visiting about trying again or ask her "why not try? what do you have to lose?" and I know she'll respond "what do I have to gain?".. I just want to say that she'll find out.. that we love one another that we were perfect and that I don't want to argue and fight anymore either and I realized that I took them for granted and worried about everything else instead of spending time with them. That we can be the way we used to be because now I know how to solve the problem.
Seriously, I think I'd have a 100% chance at making it work long term had I figured it out sooner or she came home to see I was for real..
Honestly.. I'm an idiot.. but.. and here's a "what if".. What if it worked?
See I'm ready to move on now because I know I've tried everything and now that her geographic location will have changed I feel like there's more to try.. I'm really just confusing myself and messing with my own head. I planted seeds of hope and now.. I'm sorting them trying to figure out which I'm supposed to do. INPUTS PLEASE!.. If you gotta friend get em in here to vote lol.. I really think she needs to make it up to me as well some how for treating me like dirt knowing I was hurting and upset already, but she's on the stubborn side of things lol..

Do I stay NC when she comes down for a little to work out custody with me, or try to show her the changes in which I've made?

This is what's bothering me horribly.. I think she's still being manipulated by this guy she likes/liked.. I know her family doesn't like me and I know they're not good news for her. I have thought for the past month that she should come to FL and to stay at her dad's and maybe it'll allow her to think clearly again, ya know? Is this possible or really dumb?

Honestly man, you stay NC. If she WANTS to know about any changes you have made, she will make it clear. Anything other conversation that isn't about the child will just result in you over analyzing everything she says which is going to keep you in the frame of mind you have right now. The goal is to get past this initial first hump, and start looking back at the situation with a logical, clear mind as opposed to a broken heart.

In the mean time, set up getting a certification, do little things. If you honestly are stuck and have nothing to do, move your furniture around and re organize your place. Change everything in to your own now, because it is.

I feel you on the working alone thing, before I started this new job I worked nightshift by myself in a small little store that played love songs all night as well-right after my ex left to go home each night. It is a crappy feeling, best thing to do is listen to something else that will make you laugh. Old adam sandler cds or denis leary... rap always cheers me up when I put it on-just a few suggestions. I got to head to work man, but I hope today's a little bit easier for you.

Nice rant, you should feel better that you wrote all that crap down. Yeah I read the whole dam thing and have to go back and do a lot of editing but for you MR> your course of action should be very clear.

STOP HOLDING YOUR OWN KID HOSTAGE! That's the first thing you do. Frankly I am appalled at the fact you would even deprive him of his mother for so long to get what you want.

I know, females have done the same thing for a long time to guys and it was wrong then, and its very wrong NOW.

You want to change, make sure he gets time with his mom, and the rest can be worked on. Hey you have lawyers and paralegals and all that crap to work to your benefit, so there is no need to use your son as a pawn, caught between, the two of you. That disgusts me frankly, but that's how I feel about ANYONE going through a messy emotional break up, or divorce, and there are children involved.

Right now, that's the only change you need. No BS excuses, as it's the right thing to do. You two parents better get this together if nothing else, for the best interest of the child, and drop the whole idea of being a family together, and handle your business much better. That's the change you need, whether she wants to see it, or not.

And welcome to the forum, just hope you listen, and learn.

Thanks, original! I'll try to get a few comedy cds to keep myself laughing during those slow dull moments at work. I do need to reorganize the house lol.. Specially since half of it's missing now.. looks terrible..
Yeah bruh.. I need to pass this stage already. It's been a MONTH! I can't believe how much I'm clinging to this hope, especially when she doesn't even make attempts to talk to me about anything or even give me complete answers. I know better and I know it is a tug-of-war game. I've always been the loving type and I've always been the caring type as well. My heart tends to rule all sometimes. Something I need to fix for future relations anyhow. Maybe this will be that thing that snaps me into permanent logic rather then the ups and downs I go through.
Man, I feel for you having to see her right BEFORE you work a whole shift like that. That sucks!
Thanks! I hope yours gets easier as well!

Sorry for the editing issues, Tal lol.. Brain seems to be on vacation. I'll try my best to do better, and yes I do feel better when I get it out. Sorry you all had to read all of that.
I'm not holding my son hostage to get back at her. I put my son first and she's thinking 100% selfishly. She's hanging around the guy that first introduced her to pot that's twice her age(literally), that does nothing but talk trash about me and messes with her head. Her mother is a friend to her.. nothing more. She's up and taken her whole family with her before leaving my ex to fend for herself. THIS is why I want her to leave all that, because I really do want her to succeed and it won't happen there and I for sure do not want my son around that sort of trash. I've even cut my own friends and family out of his life to ensure he's not sucked into that lifestyle. Also, I had caught her in multiple lies lately (which under any of circumstances would not be my business) and she's not showing the best judgement lately and shows how empty headed and irrational she's being. Someone I've never met in my LIFE had told her a couple weeks ago that she sent me plane tickets so I can run off with him and she'll never see him again. She believed it! She's clearly not all there right now. I've been in the same home, working the same job, and I've had the same phone number. She flipped on me because this person I've never met (and she hates this lady as well) said some random crap to stir up drama. So, I'm afraid if I do not get papers signed before she takes him that she may get spooked and do the same to me for different, stupid reasons. I want more then anything for both his parents to be in his life as much as possible! She's a great mother when she puts him first and isn't being selfish. She could have been down weeks ago to sign the papers and help arrange custody with me over the phone or in person, but instead she decided to tell people it was BS and I was trying to keep her kid from her etc. I personally do not see the difference in her coming to get him and coming to get him with a simple 10 second signature to ensure her custody as well. There are more things that lead to my decision then this, but I'll stop boring you all. Sorry, Tal, I love your advice and you're one of my favorites to read, but I have to say I disagree with you on the custody issue. Everything she's done has not read stability or rational, and when it comes to our son it's unacceptable. She see's nothing wrong with having dates around him.. in and out of his life. As if he's not screwed enough as is. Like I said, she's a great mom usually, but right now I'm not sure what her problem is. This could have been dealt with weeks ago and she's made no effort. You know, she hasn't even called to talk to him on the phone for almost a week now. That ticks me off pretty well. When I spend all my time speaking to lawyers, paralegals, legal aide, the court system, vital statistics, reading the laws of GA & FL & the interstate custody laws while she's up there doing nothing but flirting around, hanging up on me when I call to talk custody, brick-walls me when we finally get somewhere, or has me calling her back throughout the week so she can go tan, talk on msn, go to the store, etc. That's ridiculous. She needs to snap out of it.. seriously. I see custody and our relationship as two different situations. I've handled WAY more then my end, and honestly, I'm doing her favors now while she spits in my face. I'm the only one working to solve any of this. I don't mean to go off on it (even though I already have), but I hate the fact that everyone we know and everyone who hears I have him etc. thinks I'm the bad guy and I'm a horrible person and father. That hurts when I've dedicated my life to those two. I'm again going to say that I'll shut up because I'm on day 3 of NC and day 3 of not breaking down into tears.
Thanks for the welcome, Tal, and I do plan to listen and I've already learned a lot, but I am in a different situation then most of the posts being that I cannot go through with full NC so I've got to make most of this up as I go along and learn to deal with seeing her and talking to her. She already has a means to initiate contact.

So what are you going to do when a judge gives her visitations?

That's the thing.. I have no problem with her having half custody, but I do have cards to play in court to ensure that if I don't want her family around them I'll get it no matter what. I have that all taken care of. I want her to see him. I just want to ensure she doesn't get talked into or spooked into taking him from me completely. I have no need or want to keep her away from her own child. I would gladly sign any paper granting 50/50 custody and share expenses to get him to and from even though she's being stupid and purposely living as far away as she possibly can. She has multiple places to live with friends, family, etc down here. She chooses to put her dating, her mom, her life before him. Seriously, interstate custody usually only grants month to month custody. Who would choose to not see their child for a month at a time when they could move closer and see them bi-weekly and save thousands a year in traveling and could share holidays. She's not thinking of him first or logically is the main problem right now, and she's actually mad at ME! I've gone out of my way to help the situation and keep it from escalating and to re-unite the two while she's out getting a tan and talking to guys and talking trash about me. I really don't have to do anything like this. I could put a restraining order on her to keep him from leaving the state and make her wait until a hearing is available, but I'm not.. I wish she would see who the good guy is and who's screwing who over and that she's the aggressor.. not me. I just can't believe who/what she's choosing over her family or even just her son. It really ticks me off and hurts at the same time. I could be a total a-hole about everything and I could probably get full custody and with her only having visitation as of right now, but I wouldn't do that to either of them. I haven't done anything incorrect as far as custody is concerned. I've asked lawyers, mediators, paralegals, my friends and family, even her father, who's only supplying her with a lawyer (if this does end up in court that is) because she's his daughter, and they all agree I'm doing what I can and everything I've done is 100%.
I'm fighting two battles here and it sucks because I'm going to lose one of them every which way I go. Custody only drives us further apart the way she's handling it.

I want to stop this relapsing so bad... every time I get her off my mind I think about something else to say or try, but I know they never work.
I won't do it.. but I need it out..
I want to tell her that I made a stupid mistake.. that we both love our son and we loved each other.. and we had a great time.. and that we should try again without the fighting over stupid things(mainly my fault)..
There.. said it.. man.. I know how great we were.. she admits it.. like she fears trying again.. like she holds her real feelings back.. I feel like she's waiting for something.. like she wants me to do or say something.. or something's missing.
I could live with being apart to get the stressful things out of our lives. That's fine even though I'd still miss her! It's the seeing other people and possibly for good thing I don't understand. I'm still just pretty well lost in all of this I suppose.. Maybe I need a small journal or something..
I'll try to refrain from talking anything but custody with her.. and from typing all this garbage in here. I really have no one to turn to right now.. I feel like I need to be heard out I suppose. It's sad, I know.
I also keep thinking back to all the fights and what I could have done differently, but I'm lying to her and myself when I say I've changed. My actions clearly show differently. I have an open mind and heart to change but lack the motivation without her. Before she ended it for good I accomplished A LOT in 3 weeks, and now, a month later.. nothing.. All talk. I don't like the feeling of needing her though.

Any personal changes you make you should be making for yourself,not for her.

You are very much on the rollercoaster and I suggest you get some outside interest you can focus on.

Starting a journal would be a good thing.

And it makes interesting reading a couple of months down the road.

Hard @ outside interest.. I live here.. work here.. have no vehicle yet.. in the middle of no where.. some days I don't even make it outside. I really do want out.. I love taking him fishing and to parks and stuff.. Working on this car.. I made a journal and a calendar.. I'll be doing a lot better in a week from today I hope.. I'll try to keep this journal to put the feelings and leave the posts here for updates and advice.. The calendar's to mark off the days past and the no contact days.. So far I'm up to 4 counting today.. I'm not counting the calls or messages about custody which are "business only".. I've not broke completely down in 4 days as well.. I stop myself from it now.. I hope this rollercoaster is gone soon.. This is ridiculous lol.. Feel like I'm pregnant with all these out of control random emotions. I'm working on handling these things better now. I hope to eliminate the journal within a month.. the calendar in 90 days..
Scared of the day I have to explain to my son why his mother and father aren't together.. Why she didn't even give it a try in his name..
Thanks to all!

Tough situation for sure and a good reason to be in an emotional upheaval. I don't question your heart at all. Its in the right place, but I will question your open mind, as you have escalated this battle higher than it should really go.

Look I am a big believer that when couples split, and they can't work together to resolve their issues, then there has to be an impartial third party to help them. It's a long drawn out process that brings a lot of frustrations, but at the conclusion, after everything is laid out on the table, a decision is reached, and guidelines are set.

You think you will control the way your ex influences, and raises your child? Nope, not going to happen. You have to have full custody, and she visitations for that, heck, she may have to pay child support. But the whole point is that its time to get this process started, and get through it. Just my opinion.


Scared of the day I have to explain to my son why his mother and father aren't together.. Why she didn't even give it a try in his name..

You better not drag him down with sordid details where its her fault. That's not true. She just had a change of heart regarding YOU, not him. And for sure he will be exposed to her side of this failed relationship, but it's a big mistake to blame one another when it was both of you. You just didn't click. He can understand that better, and doesn't need the negative, self serving opinion, that's obviously not shared by her.

When both parents love their child, it makes little difference why you're not together, they will adjust to it better than adults do, so stop the woe is me and my poor son, its all her fault. Its very seldom one persons fault when a relationship fails.

I am getting a long winded as you, but you have a right to vent, so don't let me stop you, as I do feel for your situation and know how being in limbo sucks big time.

Just be patient. When will your mom be there to help?

Hard @ outside interest.. I live here.. work here.. have no vehicle yet.. in the middle of no where.. some days I don't even make it outside. I really do want out.. I love taking him fishing and to parks and stuff.. Working on this car.. I made a journal and a calendar.. I'll be doing a lot better in a week from today I hope.. I'll try to keep this journal to put the feelings and leave the posts here for updates and advice.. The calendar's to mark off the days past and the no contact days.. So far I'm up to 4 counting today.. I'm not counting the calls or messages about custody which are "business only".. I've not broke completely down in 4 days as well.. I stop myself from it now.. I hope this rollercoaster is gone soon.. This is ridiculous lol.. Feel like I'm preggo with all these out of control random emotions. I'm working on handling these things better now. I hope to eliminate the journal within a month.. the calendar in 90 days..
Scared of the day I have to explain to my son why his mother and father aren't together.. Why she didn't even give it a try in his name..
Thanks to all!

Good call on starting a journal, writing out how you feel definitely helps. Just take it 1 day at a time man, trust me I know the feeling of being trapped. Im still trapped lol. Just keep working, hanging out with your son, if you can, get ahold of this movie called Swingers. I'm telling you, every guy going through a break up should have to see this movie.

Congrats on day 4! The first week is usually the toughest man so your pain makes perfect sense. But stay strong and stick to it. If she calles regarding your child, make sure the conversation is quick/polite/brief and that you don't discuss anything else.


The journal I think is a great idea though, eventually you run out of things to say, and wonder why you are wasting your time on someone who clearly just isn't worth the time.

Slkjalkhbasklhlaksjgvopasjblk'sjbbak;ldxhfb

All of that replaces multiple cuss words at myself.
I broke it(NC).. and I even broke down on her..
I had to ask another question and then draw it out for about an hour +..
She has feelings and I can tell.. and I can tell by her tone (I'm extremely perceptive to body language and tone etc) that she's mad even though she says she's not. She says she lost all interest in wanting to be with me yet she brings up a comment that I left another friend who is a girl.. where I said she was hot.. Sure, she's good looking, but I'm just throwing my feelings overboard in every way possible. She has to care when she mentions that.. does she not? I'm more ticked off at the fact she's saying "if we happen to get back then it happens" yet she's doing everything she can to push away. She said she's growing apart from me. I explained that everyone grows apart with time. I told her I seen how she was and acted up until the day she left.. I told her I didn't just see love for me, but that she still was in-love. She didn't deny it once. I asked her the problems she had with us then and why not try now.. everything she said was the things I did stupidly that messed everything up. So no, Tal, you're right, it took two. I admit my part and I told her I can change it. I told her the me that she begged to have back before is back! I'm such a dong, dude. She pretty much crapped on my feelings.. again.. and said we'll continue our conversation tonight after I get off work. I'm right back to hope.. to crappy feelings and FRICK!(I hope you don't have to edit that lol).. She said she felt more for me then anyone else EVER and that it was the greatest feeling EVER when we were in-love and together.. Yet when I ask her if she wants it back she says no? She obviously doesn't mind hurting my feelings, so I believe almost everything she says. I do know she's lying to herself because she contradicts herself every other sentence and phone call and message. I mean you tell a girl that everything she asked for she has.. You tell her that you don't want to have to try.. you just want to put two people who love each other(she says she loves me but isn't in-love.. pfft) together to see if they click still.. You tell her how you agree with the time apart(I do), but that you still miss her and how you slept on the couch the past month because the bed was empty without her.. and she still says she has to think about it and she'll talk later and let me know later and she doesn't want it right now. I asked her straight up if I could take her out.. just to hangout and have fun.. a date pretty much.. no strings attached.. she says she's not sure that right now it's a no but that she'll think about it.
I hope once this custody thing is settled (hopefully within the next week or week and a half) that we can spend a little time together without having bad thoughts of one another. I know this girl loves me you.. I know I messed up and I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what until lately. I swear on my sons life that girl has feelings for me.. Why the heck is she denying them? There's no reason to fight them.. She said she didn't want to try anymore. OK? Why not? "Because I just don't right now.. if it happens it happens".. OMG, MAKE UP YOUR MIND, CRAZY! Dude she says she doesn't mind if I move on.. she wants me happy, but she won't just cut any hope left period.. whether it be hope for now (none currently shown) or hope for the future.. Why is it a week prior she made her step dad cry because she was crying because she missed me on her vacation.. then all the sudden no feelings? WHAT is missing here??
DUDE.. I mean seriously.. I am calling out every woman who reads this.. What in the heck it is that you really want from a guy? Clearly it's not what you ask for because when you get it you run away! What is this top secret ingredient we're missing?
You women make men rack their brains with this stuff.. You say you don't want the other to hurt and you want to move on, then you drop these stupid little packages of hope when all it takes is the words "no, not now, not ever, sorry".. It hurts, but it's DONE.. Band-Aids, ladies.. Band-Aides.. Rip the thing off.. quit tugging on my leg hairs.. When I break up with a girl it's because I've made a definite decision and I make her aware of that. They know it's pointless to try or think of it.
I love you women.. you keep me on my toes.. you keep life interesting.. and you make us buy tampons and pads to humiliate us to prove our love for you.. I mean I love that kind of crazy stuff even when I hate it.. BUT THIS..? This is a completely different type of insanity.

Trying to solve the custody, Tal.. I really am I think it's almost nearing an end.. She's going to be down for a couple weeks here soon she says. FINALLY!
I'll look for that movie, Original.. lol.. As for your rap songs.. T.I. - Motivation is a good one..
Yeah, Tal.. my heart is in it every bit.. I told her today, stupidly, that my heart is in it.. that my everything is in it.. That I really can't see myself moving on without at least trying a date out to see if we can click and light that spark once more. I told this girl forever and always.. and that I would die for her.. and I meant it.. If she needed my heart, I'd be dead minutes after learning so. I literally gave her EVERYTHING. I would sign my soul away for eternity to have my family back in this life time. They're my happiness and when they're gone they're my only sadness.. The only thing that brings this man to tears and I say it openly and proudly for this occasion.
After tonight conversation I'll return to NC as it would be pointless to continue otherwise. Yes, woe it me.. and I'm fine with that when it comes to her.
I'm in tears at the thought of my son being in a broken home.. I had to live that life and I know how it feels. I wanted him to have every advantage in life and already he's losing. That hurts. That makes me feel like a failed father. I look at him and all I see is pontential and greatness and my life.. and what do I give to him? A broken home. I wish I learned to be a better father and boyfriend long ago. I sit and wonder about all I've missed during my selfish times. I think of all the good times I'm going to miss when he's gone every other month.. This is my little buddy, guys.. my best friend.. He may not do much right now.. but I love watching mickey mouse and Toy Story with him.. and watching him learn to do anything.. I'm losing both of them and that hurts more then anything I've ever felt. I failed them both.. I can't even change that.. I can't make it up.. I can't say sorry and it's all better or "I'll try harder".. I just have that crawl in a hole and die feeling about this part of it.. I love them more then words can speak. He's my SON.. and she'll always be The One.. I have to live life knowing I've already lost the prize and that life holds no greater future then my past.. woe IS me.. I literally hate myself for not fixing this sooner.. we would have worked out perfectly had I done so..

Tal, please explain more about this "third party".. you mean a lawyer and such? I got her to agree on everything.. so it's just a signature away.. She sounded down when I said 50/50.. but I told her to make up for this time that I'll let the first custody of hers be 4-5 weeks.. I think they both deserve it.. It'll also give me time to clear my head completely for a while.. I hate him seeing me like this.. I will NOT raise a weak son. He's my little Spartan.

LOL, paragraphs my man, USE PARAGRAPHS!!

Most of your distress is caused by your own coping skills concerning YOUR feelings.

YOUR

Emotional reactions, to her actions and words.

To your situation

To the decisions you make

The all come down to how YOU cope with yourself!

Your emotional over this, (rightfully so) but I have to say, your driving yourself nuts trying to get what YOU want, from someone who doesn't WANT to give it to you.

Acceptance, gives you closure and peace, and then your logic will return. Then you can do what you have to for a reasonable resolution.

Instead of crying in her soup, get your LEGAL business handled, so you will have the guidelines to move forward.

That's what this relationship doesn't have, guidelines, and boundaries of good behavior, through honest communications.

You do have a lot of emotional drama, and two stubborn people, who think they are so right, that conflict is the results, and no compromise can be reached.

That's not love. No matter what you think. From either of you. Strange to me that you think it is.

Trying to solve the custody, Tal.. I really am I think it's almost nearing an end.. She's gonna be down for a couple weeks here soon she says. FINALLY!
I'll look for that movie, Original.. lol.. As for your rap songs.. T.I. - Motivation is a good one..
Yeah, Tal.. my heart is in it every bit.. I told her today, stupidly, that my heart is in it.. that my everything is in it.. That I really can't see myself moving on without at least trying a date out to see if we can click and light that spark once more. I told this girl forever and always.. and that I would die for her.. and I meant it.. If she needed my heart, I'd be dead minutes after learning so. I literally gave her EVERYTHING. I would sign my soul away for eternity to have my family back in this life time. They're my happiness and when they're gone they're my only sadness.. The only thing that brings this man to tears and I say it openly and proudly for this occasion.
After tonight conversation I'll return to NC as it would be pointless to continue otherwise. Yes, woe it me.. and I'm fine with that when it comes to her.
I'm in tears at the thought of my son being in a broken home.. I had to live that life and I know how it feels. I wanted him to have every advantage in life and already he's losing. That hurts. That makes me feel like a failed father. I look at him and all I see is pontential and greatness and my life.. and what do I give to him? A broken home. I wish I learned to be a better father and boyfriend long ago. I sit and wonder about all I've missed during my selfish times. I think of all the good times I'm going to miss when he's gone every other month.. This is my little buddy, guys.. my best friend.. He may not do much right now.. but I love watching mickey mouse and Toy Story with him.. and watching him learn to do anything.. I'm losing both of them and that hurts more then anything I've ever felt. I failed them both.. I can't even change that.. I can't make it up.. I can't say sorry and it's all better or "I'll try harder".. I just have that crawl in a hole and die feeling about this part of it.. I love them more then words can speak. He's my SON.. and she'll always be The One.. I have to live life knowing I've already lost the prize and that life holds no greater future then my past.. woe IS me.. I literally hate myself for not fixing this sooner.. we would have worked out perfectly had I done so..

Tal, please explain more about this "third party".. you mean a lawyer and such? I got her to agree on everything.. so it's just a signature away.. She sounded down when I said 50/50.. but I told her to make up for this time that I'll let the first custody of hers be 4-5 weeks.. I think they both deserve it.. It'll also give me time to clear my head completely for a while.. I hate him seeing me like this.. I will NOT raise a weak son. He's my little Spartan.

Haha yeaa T.I. is good... im serious about finding that movie though... literally saved my life. Plus it keeps you laughing all the way through.

So you broke NC... and you felt worse, and more confused than you did before. You are now officially a member of AMHD relationship forums haha. We have all made that mistake man, the trick is to learn from it. You made your bold attempt, and all she did was beat around the bush and confuse you more. That helps in realization that NC is for YOUR own benefit and nothing else. While you can never truly go NC, you can keep conversations to a bare minimum and only about your son and after a lot of time even that sting will go away.

You can't sit there and rack your brain over losing "the one". Bro, I have lost "the one" twice in my life lol. Two different girls who I was convinced at one point in time were going to spend the rest of their lives with me. But, there are billions of women in this world man, and as each day passes you get closer to meeting some lucky woman who won't tug on your heartstrings and who WILL want to stick around and work things out. Life holds so much better things in your future... you just don't see it right now, still thinking with the damn heart. Just keeping venting and in the meantime work on correcting the mistakes-dont break NC... and when you two are speaking keep it strictly business. It's hard, but do it for yourself. You know what she's going to say now right? So don't make this harder on yourself than it already is. Take it easy at work man.

She's not with anyone and claims to have no plans to do so, but she's actually serious about trading me n for a 34 year old guy she's known most her life because it's her mother's boyfriends brother. Yes, ladies and gentleman, if her mother marries her boyfriend, this guy will be her legal UNCLE. What does that say about her A, and B what's it say about me?

I'd like to close the book tonight on it all, even though I don't don't want to at heart, but I don't know how much more rejection I can put MYSELF through. Yes, Tal, you're right I'm doing it myself. I hate admitting that on so many levels.

Once more.. Why does she keep asking about comments from myspace and Facebook? Why does she keep yelling over my 'get out of the house' plans from old friends who are girls if she doesn't care and isn't jealous?

It trips me out that had I not yelled that last time and came to this realization of my behavior while we were together that she'd be here, yet now she's not willing to give it a go? F dude.. seriously.. what.. the. F.. Where's there any logic in her decision to not only not try but to push away from the idea while simultaneously spouting "if it happens then it happens!" NO! How is it ever going to "happen" as she claims if she forces her thoughts of me out of her head and rejects any sort of hang out and get together. She has this fairy tale idea that we're going to magically "happen" whilst living 6 hours apart.

Original, I'll be sure to have that movie within a day or two. Sounds good to me lol. Thanks @ becoming an official AMHD NC breaker. I'm both proud and disgusted (with myself) to be presented with this honor.

I've dated a LOT prior to her. She knows lol.. she threw out all the phone numbers I had gotten that week alone when we moved in together and made it all official. I've never once loved another girl or even said it. I've never once had these feelings of being happy with the thought of marriage and children with any other woman. I know the difference between the real deal and a delusion, guys. She had every quality I loved and I loved her more for having some qualities I didn't like. She felt the same about me until I messed it up.

Today is shot, I'll continue NC with a fresh day after tonight's conversation. Who knows, after tonight I may end up hating us both! Yes, tonight I idiotically shall take another bullet.. It's been pre-arranged.

I'm not sure I follow you, Tal on your relationship thing. How do I put guidelines and such on a relationship that we all can see isn't clearly there?

Look, I'm lying when I say I want over her, I'm lying when I say I'm OK with any of this, and I would give a random body part(no no no not that one) to be back with her because that feeling we shared was the best feelings we've both ever experienced. I want her, I love her, and I'm not a psycho, she's clearly LYING to me and to herself. It's so far beyond obvious that I feel like paying some giant chick to slap her around a little and ask her why. She was RING shopping and dropping hints of marriage to me all by HERSELF weeks before she left! Am I going crazy here?? I feel like I need to be in an asylum, but I know better.

DUDE! AHH!

No one who's lost feelings a year ago stays that long, does what she did, tries that hard to work on things, says what she said, asks to have a little girl, and then wants you to propose! Seriously. Why? What the FLIP? Jesus Christ, I mean why would she force herself out of feelings? I understand being confused.. obviously lol, but this is beyond stupid.

Her mother and I, we hate each other, we talk crap about each other, we get along during fun times, but we have a completely different idea on everything. Her mom is like only person she really talks to and they live together. Why is her mom saying I deserve another chance? Why did she say for me to try when she comes down for a couple weeks for custody?

I asked the ex about trying that and she said she's angry right now (about custody only), but anger IS still anger, and that she'll think about us going out to spend some one on one time together! I'll break NC left and right for that go if she agrees. Sorry, guys, but that opportunity is worth it. If she says no then I do not stand a chance anyhow and I know this.

Her msn status changed after we spoke. Yes I re-added her because I needed to know when she was jerking me around when I would call with no answer for custody arrangements. But she doesn't know I can read this one.. I'm not even sure she knows I know it exists. It reads "A fake smile so they can't see that I'm crying inside living each day hopping it's my last". Word for word.. even the typo lol. What does it mean? She's not doing it for me because she doesn't know I can see it. Do I ask her tonight about what it means when she calls?

How do I put guidelines and such on a relationship that we all can see isn't clearly there?
Set the guidelines on yourself first. Define your own good behavior and stick to it, no matter what she does, or what button she can push. Different from guys who can smack each other around, females are more subtle in the way they fight. Their weapons are making you feel things, as opposed to fists.

As you see, they are quite good at it. I think you push back with deeds, and actions, and not words, or feelings. You lose if you do.

I kind of get what you're saying.. I'm not sure how to guideline myself though. What kind of action or deed would this be? The actual making of guidelines?
Please, an example? Sorry, my brains far too gone right this moment to think.

What do you make of her MSN thing? I know I'm over analyzing, but doesn't it clearly show you the same it shows me? She says she has no feelings of us yet cries inside when we hang up?

I guess feelings and words aren't helping, even though I feel as though I'm getting somewhere when I push her like that. I need a plan of action.. I love plans.. I have no bearing.. I feel like I need to act or do something. I do not like sitting and letting everything just happen. I feel that if someone like her walks out of your life you should take charge and gather information as to why and use it in a plan of strategy to show her you really meant what you're saying. Proof so to speak. I know it sounds corny, but it's how I operate.

I do know these things:
- I have to get past this defense of her. I'm guessing by lowering it gently without her being aware. However, I need to stay aware of the friend zone thing.
- Show her the truth! We both love the same things and want the same things.
- Show her the changes that I've spoken of so that she knows everything she ever asked for from our relationship is here.
- Separate her from the people talking trash in GA.

Only problem.. How? I mean it's got to be do-able. I don't know as much as most of you on women's habits, but I'm doing my best to learn.

How do I show action and deeds when she's living so far away and I'll see her once for 5 minutes every 3 weeks? I mean.. am I supposed to just show up up there and take her on a date and surprise her? I'm working on subtle dates when she comes to FL. Hopefully I'll have my vehicle by then and I can take us out as a family and with alone time.. Something which we never had as a couple ever.

Bouncing this NC and this want to not let go of someone and something so great and I need to figure out which one is the better bet to follow through with. Original says NC as does Wish, but knowing what I've said.. does it make a difference or no?

Can making every effort to continue to speed up this custody thing(even though she makes no effort to do so) show a deed or action? I need some brainstorming activities. What is it I can do to lessen tension and give a positive vibe to her? What will intrigue and bring out the curiosity and her own "what-if's"?

I won't ask her again about the hangout out and having fun when she comes down. I'll just make an effort to do it when she comes down. She hates being stuck places.. specially at her dad's. I'll lower the defense by getting her out to perhaps shop for clothes for our son at the mall or something neutral. She'll have her son and that'll also lower tension. I can make her laugh and show her that I'm making efforts to change who I was becoming. How's that sound? I can probably DO all of these without SAYING anything. Subtle. Will this friendzone me or backfire?

QUOTE by FloridaFisher;
I kind of get what you're saying.. I'm not sure how to guideline myself though. What kind of action or deed would this be? The actual making of guidelines?
Please, an example? Sorry, my brains far too gone right this moment to think.
Guide line are like personal boundaries of good behavior. Like a code of conduct,that you hold yourself to based on your own value. Rules you stick to as a testament to yourself. The knights of the round table, or chivalry, or Klingon's and there warrior creed.

What do you make of her MSN thing? I know I'm over analyzing, but doesn't it clearly show you the same it shows me? She says she has no feelings of us yet cries inside when we hang up?
Pushing your buttons because she knows she can, confusion is a tactic.

I guess feelings and words aren't helping, even though I feel as though I'm getting somewhere when I push her like that. I need a plan of action.. I love plans.. I have no bearing.. I feel like I need to act or do something. I do not like sitting and letting everything just happen. I feel that if someone like her walks out of your life you should take charge and gather information as to why and use it in a plan of strategy to show her you really meant what you're saying. Proof so to speak. I know it sounds corny, but it's how I operate.
Adjust your thinking and leave her alone to come to her own conclusions, at her own pace and wonder about what you're doing for a change

I do know these things:
- I have to get past this defense of her. I'm guessing by lowering it gently without her being aware. However, I need to stay aware of the friend zone thing.
That's a game you lose, just because she pays closer attention to you, and this is her game to play. That's why she can push your buttons without effort. Don't play the game, do nothing but handle your own business.

- Show her the truth! We both love the same things and want the same things.
Then your tactics are lousy, or you have deluded yourself, because she ain't co operating, is she?

- Show her the changes that I've spoken of so that she knows everything she ever asked for from our relationship is here.
AARGH, it takes years to change, and even longer for someone to see it. Even harder to prove since she ain't their, and really doesn't want to be there. That's why she left.
-
Separate her from the people talking trash in GA.
More of what you want, and not what she wants. She will not allow you to isolate her. That's why she left. Even you have to see this whole thing is about doing it your way and fail to see why see is having none of it.

Only problem.. How? I mean it's got to be do-able. I don't know as much as most of you on women's habits, but I'm doing my best to learn.
And dropping the ball as you learn. The secret to females is they are equal human beings, and use what the lack in size and power to protect themselves and fight back when attacked. That's the whole secret, so UNDERESTIMATE them at your peril. A lesson you should have known, so you can listen, as well as talk.

How do I show action and deeds when she's living so far away and I'll see her once for 5 minutes every 3 weeks? I mean.. am I supposed to just show up up there and take her on a date and surprise her? I'm working on subtle dates when she comes to FL. Hopefully I'll have my vehicle by then and I can take us out as a family and with alone time.. Something which we never had as a couple ever.
Stop trying to get her back, and handle your own business without her.

Bouncing this NC and this want to not let go of someone and something so great and I need to figure out which one is the better bet to follow through with. Original says NC as does Wish, but knowing what I've said.. does it make a difference or no?
I go with the guys who have been there done that, and No Contact does work, to let you heal, gain perspective, and THEN you make better decisions based on FACTS, and not just feelings. Then you won't be confused or so emotionally BLIND!

Can making every effort to continue to speed up this custody thing(even though she makes no effort to do so) show a deed or action? I need some brainstorming activities. What is it I can do to lessen tension and give a positive vibe to her? What will intrigue and bring out the curiosity and her own "what-if's"?

I won't ask her again about the hangout out and having fun when she comes down. I'll just make an effort to do it when she comes down. She hates being stuck places.. specially at her dad's. I'll lower the defense by getting her out to perhaps shop for clothes for our son at the mall or something neutral. She'll have her son and that'll also lower tension. I can make her laugh and show her that I'm making efforts to change who I was becoming. How's that sound? I can probably DO all of these without SAYING anything. Subtle. Will this friendzone me or backfire?

No comment to takeover plots.

I just got off the phone with her. I didn't mention shopping at the mall when she comes down.. even admitted it was to get out as a family and see if we can even get along. She said she'll think about it and she'll be down for at least a week. This sucks.. I should know better by now.. I did, however, put our son on the phone to let her talk to him and so forth which I'm not sure why she still has that tone of voice even when speaking to him. You know, she admits to having nothing to do all day, yet.. she's not willing to give up NOTHING in return for her FAMILY. I'll let it go and perhaps cross the going to the mall thing when she gets here.

I told her the picture comments about the other girl was just crap talk. Told her it meant nothing and they're just lose feelings I have for her, and she's the only important girl in my life.

Very short call mainly about custody. She's in agreement but then brought up the subject of her wanting to live in GA. I told her it's a really stupid choice and I can't tell her what to do but that she's clearly not putting her son first. I told her I'd move to GA in a heartbeat to get to see him more often, share holidays, and when school comes we don't have to fight about residential custody and so on. I told her it's really her call and her life and I would feel the same if she saw me not putting him first. I said I hope that if I stop thinking that way for any reason to tell me. Said it's her call in the end. She said she'd think about it.

She'll be in Florida Saturday which means next week is when custody disputes will be over with and she'll begin her custody time.

Honestly, yeah I'd love for her to live closer anyway, but this is about many different things. Emergencies, holidays, birthdays, money to travel(insurance goes up, gas money, maintenance), school time, friends & family, seeing him more often then once a month almost. Also, I know for a fact that her soon to be step father smokes weed, drinks a case daily, and does it while driving with kids in the car. Seriously, it's just not a good environment. I spent a lot of time trying to keep him away from that sort of stuff. He went away for 2 1/2 weeks to visit up there and came back throwing fits, hitting, biting, and just acting really bad. I have to fix this every time! She doesn't have to allow me to isolate.. I can chose to do it at my will.. I'm just not that big of an a-hole. I am worried for my son's sake though and I'm worried if I do use this that she's going to hate me even more. I mean I don't want him in a house with weed and alcoholics, her uncle who visits is hooked on crack and is currently dating his niece, the alcoholics father is a cross dresser, her mother is a drama causing queen, her one brother is partially mentally retarded and tried to molest/rape my ex when she was a child, and the guy she's talking about is 16 years old and still not even divorced yet. I fought hard to keep him out of that mess.. him and her both. I don't want to be a jerk, but if she doesn't come to her senses I might just have to so he's not riding in the car with him or living in that house with those people(which I warned her about all this long before we broke up).

I left it at that and told her I'd let her go and let her say bye to our son.

I didn't mention her MSN thing being that she doesn't know I can see her (it's setup so she can't see mine but I can see hers). Why it's like that.. I haven't the slightest clue.

Lol @ no comment on takeover plots. I understand.. Just a subtle idea that I thought might work.

Yeah, I'm back to NC after tonight. I've said my peace. Like I said, I'll just see what happens when she gets down here, depending if we've made progress at all, and cross that bridge when I get to it. I believe in NC, but I know she's also very stubborn and when she puts something in her head she sticks to it. Right now, that something is her making herself void of feelings and angry towards me. The longer this goes unsolved the more harsh it'll become I fear..

Day one begins tomorrow. Let's see what happens.

Thinking about depression meds now, but I hate vices and I know I do well without them. I know they can help in a rough situation, but I don't need a withdraw issue later on. I've already got that with stopping smoking. Lol..

Everything's a mess.. I need some order in my life.. Guidelines might just be it. Thanks, Tal.

OMG it just totally hit me.. ALL all my options are open now! This IS where I learn to be who I am again. This is where I learn what I want out of life and I can try things for a taste to see if I like it without worrying.. Man I wish I could join the services like Original. Always wanted to do that but I cannot have a firearm due to the felony.

This part gets me super excited! I don't know why! I love her and miss her and would chose her in a heartbeat, but I love options! I haven't had options in about 3 years now!

I plan to lay off dating and just have a good time and find my place in this world. I've wandered around lost for a long time worrying. I want to know where I belong! I want that confidence that original, sneezey, and all the others I read about have! I want to be my own person for once!

Crap.. Where do I start?

Well.. I've gathered more evidence and now I have enough to show in court to guarantee full custody.. and possibly have her drug tested and mentally evaluated..

If she's really being this mentally unstable and smoking weed now I don't want him there PERIOD. I plan to go ahead to use it in court. This is ridiculous!

I feel as though she's changing.. not sure why.. I love her how she is, but what she's becoming worries me. I know she;s no longer my problem, but the things I've read and seen lately scare me. I would give my life to protect her. I'm worried for her badly even though she's treating me like complete crap. I can still tell she has feelings which says something isn't right.. I see she's blocking her own family members on social sites/programs. She's writing really dark and f'd up things. I know she's her own dragon, but I still want to be the knight to save her from these things as stupid as that sounds. I love her very much.. always will.. I don't get what's happening. I really want to try to show her a better life when she comes down and I have my vehicle finally. My son has to be around his mother when she's like this is scaring the **** out of me. I can see she's really a wreck.. even if it is just attention these are really serious things. I'm afraid to hurt her now. I'm afraid of where she'll end up. I plan to continue NC for now.. and I'll see what happens about trying to get her to hang out a little bit. I don't want her to do these things to her life or our sons life. I know this path I'm seeing.. I've watched my last ex go down it. Good grades, college coming, head cheerleader, lots of friends.. When we broke up she went wild. Lost her friends, dropped out, left he college plans, did drugs, became a stripper, and now goes out and hoes around and cheated on her boyfriend after me for a pack of smokes. I see this coming again, I've seen what happens. I know I'm technically better off without her if she's going to turn into this, but I know she has a lot of potential and I don't want to see her throw her life away. This hurts the same amount as the break up itself. Man, I'm really tired of feeling this way, you know?

NC for now. I got out what I needed to say. I've seen plenty enough right now and I don't want her to know I know these things in case I do need them in court. Trying to be responsible about this, but loving her and feelings are clouding my judgment.. obviously..

Start thinking with your head instead of your heart.

Again-NC-unless it has to do with the custody issue.

As for whatever 'evidence' you have found,you should leave that up to your legal representative to handle.

Stick with NC... you have to KNOW its going to be difficult at first and prepare for it. Honestly man, I know how you feel. You want to show her things can be different, that you can change, trust me I have been there. Did it for months. It does not matter to them whatsoever. Right now dude, she does not deserve your reassurance or comfort. Exes are exes. They don't get to find out what's new in our lifes and how we are doing, they don't get to call to hang out, and they don't get to play with your emotions anymore. Your one post was perfect-this is the time to find out who you really are! Find out what you like in life, and just focus on yourself. After a few weeks/months, it is possible you will be able to look back on this whole thing and realize that "gee, maybe this relationship wasnt perfect". It is a bit different with a kid involved, but you sound like a great father, and if she can get her act together and be a great mother, than broken home or not your child will turn out just fine.

Man let her come to you about hanging out. You have to fake it at this point. She knows your down and weak right now, and will play on that as much as she can. Tal is right, it is the way they fight... and its dirty.

I remember my first day of NC a few weeks back... I was so afraid that I would never hear from her again, never see her again etc. But I stuck to it, because I could tell day by day, by the tiniest pieces I was getting better. 1 1/2 weeks went by and she started trying to get ahold of me. A lot of exes do this, and by than you don't even want the attention from them. I ignored all of her attempts, not because I don't love her or not even because I wouldn't consider getting back... just because you get so sick and tired of having your heartbroken. Stick to NC man... remember this, harder on you, easier on her. Not what your primary focus needs to be right now.

Thanks for those words of encouragement. Sometimes I feel like I can't do NC and sometimes I feel like it's for the better.

You're right, original and amicon, I do need NC.. It shows in my posts, now that I've re-read them to myself, that I'm clearly thinking 90% with the heart. I need this pretty badly. I'm somewhat ashamed of how I've handled all this. Just fell in love with my family and was kind of put into shock when I lost them I guess. I've always been a logical thinker, but a big hearted one.

You also right on the fact that she lost the right to my life and feelings when she left me. I've been acting like it was my fault she walked out. I messed up, but she chose to not stick around and try to work things out.

I too have that feeling of never hearing from her or having her in my life outside of our son's custody. I feel as though since I know she's stubborn that I'd have to initiate anything.

I started a list last night which seemed to help pretty well when I was breaking down about to break NC. This list was all of the things she did that hurt me. Each one was like a reason in it's own not to call her or message her. Try it man.. It's a real life savor.

Is it wrong to still use her return as motivation to get my act together despite it being a false hope? I want to build a new life with a stronger structure and I'm afraid this may collapse down the line, but I currently have no motivation to get anywhere. These two have been my happiness for the past 2 and a half years.

Yeah, I really want this to hit her. It's her turn to face reality as well, and I for sure am not going to comfort her when all she does is hang up on me when I need her.

Man, I wish everyone from AMHD lived in Florida. Lol

How are you doing?

I need opinions.

Can she really be OK with losing me forever? Does the special times we shared and the love we shared really mean nothing to her anymore?

I know you don't know for sure, but based on what I've said throughout my posts.. what do you think? How do you think she's feeling about all this and does she really not care? How come she doesn't want to talk to me at all anymore?

I sat and wrote her a probably 6-8 letters over two weeks.. Some before she ended it for good and the rest after the fact. I even sent two pictures with them. She said she read 2 of the letters then put it all away. Before, when this all fist went down I admittedly logged into her Facebook and myspace and seen that she hadn't read most of what I sent. She hasn't replied to anything and never comments on them when talking to me on the phone. What's the deal?

She is shutting you out. Whatever you shared before is over, and her plans and yours, do not match any more.

She doesn't have to worry about losing you forever because you have a child together and if you quit pushing your agenda so hard, she may co operate better and be more civil.

I had a good friend who divorced his wife when we were in our twenties. Kind of messy with a house and a kid. They shared custody though, and got along better than when they were married, and remarried about eight years later, weird I was at both wedding ceremonies. My point, we never know what's going to happen down the road. But we do know what's happening now, and we just have to make the best of it by adjusting to it the best way we can.

You can't knock down a brick wall by running head first at full speed. That's what I see you doing, and can imagine your frustration, and heartache at, seeing that brick wall still standing, and your head hurting.

Every one knows that you find a door, or get a ladder to conquer that break wall. In other words, back off and get a better plan, or buy some band aids and aspirin. Up to you.

Wow.. I feel you, Tal..

You're right.. obviously none of these plans are working right now.. I think a new plan that calls for no plans is in order as far as her and I go. Time to be me.. It's what I do best.. She loved what she saw once, I do believe she could love it again, but like you said.. not right now. It obviously won't happen anytime soon when she's doing everything she can (even fighting herself) to push me out (still unsure why.. but h*ll.. does it matter if I can't stop it?). I know what I did wrong and I plan to change all of that, but still remain true to myself.

It's not a subtle approach I need.. It's no approach. It's all I can do.. You're absolutely right! I'm doing everything I can to get through this wall when there currently is no way through it or over it. And yes, it does hurt every time I make a failed attempt, but now I see that attempting to be with her while she pushes away is ludicrous. I mean it rationally makes no sense and is literally impossible.

There's still a lot left unsaid I think is why I annoyed her with calls, messages, and letters.. I mean.. I had a weekend at first to figure out everything she had known long before then had to say goodbye 6 hours later. I was just sort of blown away and I'm honestly still in a bit of shock. I think this explains all my venting as well. The feeling of needing to be heard hoping to catch an ear/eye that wants to hear it and that understands. Unfortunately, the main person I wanted to hear/see it ignored it.

I really do plan on reserving a spot for her to possibly work things out between us some day, but I can't make it the only spot available. When I told her I loved her always and forever, I meant it and I don't wish to take it back even still. There's something special about that girl.. So special she broke me of my fears of commitment and long term relationships. I'm always going to be thankful for having been with her even though I still think it would have worked out had she never left. I have no regrets other then wishing I had fixed these issues sooner. I'll always root for my family to be back together.

I plan to go through with this settlement out of court. However, I will be keeping my evidence and so forth just in case I don't like what I'm seeing when my son goes there. I'm also still trying to talk her into moving down here to her dad's because they honestly care about her and want her to do great things like I do. I see tons of potential in her and I would hate to see her throw it out over having a good time right now. I still want her to be happy no matter what.


I would now like to have a beer and a fun night out with my friends.
If only I had some friends lol..
Lonely beer sucks..

Almost done watching Swingers.. Funny movie.. pretty real so far too..

Still hurts.. I know we can't be right now.. I just still don't understand sometimes.. If I'm such a great guy like she says then we did we end.. and why doesn't she want to be with me anymore? Why doesn't she even call? It's one thing if we've grown apart.. but this isn't even that.. We were perfect up until the day she left. It was my fault for being stupid so long and taking things for granted until she just couldn't take it anymore. I don't get why we can't be together if I change the bad ways. I'm still just confused.. whether it's me doing it to myself.. the confusion's still there. Our love is still there, it's just buried under all of our fighting. I don't know how to bring it back, or if time does that on it's own.

Yeah, I get better periodically, but inside I'm still the family man. I don't enjoy life without them. Should I have to grow old and die never being able to have my family because I made a mistake?

My life was built around her and my son.. so everything in it reminds me of her and f's my day/head up. I really need out of this place, but I have no where to go.

I'm going to take a couple days off here..

Find somewhere to go.

And find it within yourself to focus on you and your child rather than overthinking her possible thoughts,feelings and future actions.

That's futile.
And a waste of time and energy.

Amicon had to spread the love but I just wanted to say I'll second your last post... this guy at least needs to TRY to focus your enery else where. Whining is not trying.

Almost done watching Swingers.. Funny movie.. pretty real so far too..

Still hurts.. I know we can't be right now.. I just still don't understand sometimes.. If I'm such a great guy like she says then we did we end.. and why doesn't she wanna be with me anymore? Why doesn't she even call? It's one thing if we've grown apart.. but this isn't even that.. We were perfect up until the day she left. it was my fault for being stupid so long and taking things for granted until she just couldn't take it anymore. I don't get why we can't be together if I change the bad ways. I'm still just confused.. whether or not it's me doing it to myself.. the confusion's still there. Our love is still there, it's just buried under all of our fighting. I don't know how to bring it back, or if time does that on it's own.

Yeah, I get better periodically, but inside I'm still the family man. I don't enjoy life without them. Should I have to grow old and die never being able to have my family because I made a mistake?

Swingers is a great movie... glad you liked it. They don't sugar coat anything-and I like how it doesn't triviliaze the fact that "yea....us guys feel s**t sometimes too".

No matter what they say to us, feelings change, and most of the time, the dumper doesn't even know why themselves. It's hard but it just needs to be accepted. Your not going to grow old and die by yourself-matter of fact you don't know what's going to happen in the future. But my bet is that isn't what's going to happen. You will always have your family... you just can't expect things to be all perfect right now. She is going through whatever feelings/changes she is experiencing, and we as the dumpee have the right to be confused, upset and hurt. But, eventually we also have to accept. This stage is pivotal, and I hope after a few days rest you start to feel better. Let us know how your doing man.

I do know why is the problem, man. I know it's a what-if type thing, but I know had I figured this out before that we would be fine. I feel like such an jerk for letting my family go over stupid fights. This alone probably shows digression, I know. This isn't like losing a puppy because you left the door open. This is losing your family, your life, because you forgot for a while that they're what mattered most. I do feel like I need to beat myself up over it.

I'm sure she has no clue- why else would she say she doesn't have feelings then contradict that with her actions? Since we've broke up she's: 1) asked mutual friends if they've heard from me and what I've said. 2) searched through my friends and my own pics, profile, comments to find comments stating one girl looks good and the other that I would hang out with her. 3) Puts up these crazy MSN statuses about some pretty crazy emotions. 4) Wanted to possibly try again until I bombarded her with calls and messages. 5) We had sex 30 minutes before she left, cried for a full weekend, and kissed before she got in the car. 6) She contradicts everything she says to me every phone call. 7) Still admits her greatest feelings in life and any relationship were with me even when she was mad.

Tell me I'm insane for seeing her feelings. Tell me why the hell she's hiding them. Why do I have to sit and feel insane over something so obvious? I'd bet anything I own, including my life, on the fact she still has feelings. I can see she's confused, but I know it's because when she showed love I didn't show it back and assumed she'd figure it out. I'm going insane because I'm "running at this brick wall" trying to show her that I did and do love her.

I'm trying to focus on my son, but you have to understand how much he reminds me of her, amicon. I have this crawl in a hole and just lay there feeling. I've not eaten in pretty well 3 days.. 2 days I've had a single glass of water. She was my motivation and happiness- my family was. Now, no matter how hard I try I'll not have her, and only half of my son.. Now what? I run a race that I cannot win merely to do it?

Is it possible to use her as motivation yet still be in a good enough frame of mind to get over her?

Tal, this couple that were married, divorced, then re-married- how did they handle it? NC? Friends? I mean I want her back in 8 years rather then never, but I'd rather have her back sooner of course.

Listen to me.. I'm still sitting here talking about being with her.. I really feel confused, stupid, and somewhat creepy..

Yes, I'm whining. No, I'm not trying to. I want to stop hurting, but I feel like the only thing that's going to stop it is her coming home.

NC continues.

I do know why is the problem, man. I know it's a what-if type thing, but I know had I figured this out before that we would be fine. I feel like such an jerk for letting my family go over stupid fights. This alone probably shows digression, I know. This isn't like loosing a puppy because you left the door open. This is losing your family, your life, because you forgot for a while that they're what mattered most. I do feel like I need to beat myself up over it.

I'm sure she has no clue- why else would she say she doesn't have feelings then contradict that with her actions? Since we've broke up she's: 1) asked mutual friends if they've heard from me and what I've said. 2) searched through my friends and my own pics, profile, comments to find comments stating one girl looks good and the other that I would hang out with her. 3) Puts up these crazy MSN statuses about some pretty crazy emotions. 4) Wanted to possibly try again until I bombarded her with calls and messages. 5) We had sex 30 minutes before she left, cried for a full weekend, and kissed before she got in the car. 6) She contradicts everything she says to me every phone call. 7) Still admits her greatest feelings in life and any relationship were with me even when she was mad.

Tell me I'm insane for seeing her feelings. Tell me why the hell she's hiding them. Why do I have to sit and feel insane over something so obvious? I'd bet anything I own, including my life, on the fact she still has feelings. I can see she's confused, but I know it's because when she showed love I didn't show it back and assumed she'd figure it out. I'm going insane because I'm "running at this brick wall" trying to show her that I did and do love her.

I'm trying to focus on my son, but you have to understand how much he reminds me of her, amicon. I have this crawl in a hole and just lay there feeling. I've not eaten in pretty well 3 days.. 2 days I've had a single glass of water. She was my motivation and happiness- my family was. Now, no matter how hard I try I'll not have her, and only half of my son.. Now what? I run a race that I cannot win merely to do it?

Is it possible to use her as motivation yet still be in a good enough frame of mind to get over her?

Tal, this couple that were married, divorced, then re-married- how did they handle it? NC? Friends? I mean I want her back in 8 years rather then never, but I'd rather have her back sooner of course.

Listen to me.. I'm still sitting here talking about being with her.. I really feel confused, stupid, and somewhat creepy..

Yes, I'm whining. No, I'm not trying to. I want to stop hurting, but I feel like the only thing that's gonna stop it is her coming home.

NC continues.

No matter how many times she contradicts her actions, and no matter what second hand information she collects- you need to stop trying to figure it out. It's impossible dude. Never mind the fact that she's a woman and they themselves are like rubicks cubes to figure out, the dumper half the time doesn't know if they made the right decision, and why they made the decision they made. The only thing you can do is take a respectful absence from her life, that and time is your only hope my friend if you truly want to fight for her back. You know the saying if you love something let it go, and if it was truly yours it will come back? I think you should just let it go man, and give you and her the time to heal and get your stuff together. I know its hard looking at her spitting image everyday in your son, but enough time goes by and it won't be like that.

Whining is OK, your allowed to be hurt. Just don't break the NC. Respect her wishes and let her deal with her own demons.

Original.. man.. you're like a really good friend, bruh..

I do want to fight for her back.. I can't see myself just letting her walk out forever. I know one day her and I will be OK to try again. She needs to cool down and get her own head clear. You're right.. she has her own demons and it's clear in her statuses and when we talk. She sounds really confused already and I think I'm making it worse for myself and making it easier for her to push me out.

The day I broke NC I wrote her a letter.. This is a copy..
------------------------------------------
Just want you to know that I want you to be happy.. and I know I could make you happy, but I understand it's up to you to figure that out.. I wish you the best.. You're probably just as confused as I am.. I'll always love you, and want you to know that just because I'm giving you the space doesn't mean I stopped loving or caring for you and doesn't mean I take back what I said about wanting to try again. Just know that you won't be let down if you give us another shot.

Love always,
The guy who knows you best,

- Joe

P.S. - You can call to speak with Wesley anytime you want, and I'll try to have these papers ready to sign by the time you get down here.
---------------------------------------------

I've done great about not calling her! I just needed to say that I feel to let her know that I'm not losing feels, just giving her the space she requested all along. I guess explaining my actions takes the mystery out of it.. Lovely..

Man, she's not going to be here till the end of the month supposedly. Gives me a chance to get this truck and show her I mean business and I don't want to sit and waste away anymore. She is my motivation and if I have to pay for it later so be it, but it's better then sitting doing nothing.

I was going to push the court issue, but like I said I've decided to give her a shot and it'll make is easier as well. I could knock this one guy out of the picture, get her back in Florida, and knock her family out of the picture too.. I'm 100% confident in those things, but then how does that show I'm working on not being controlling?

I duno, I have a ways to go until I'm thinking completely sane again. I'll never choose to force her out of my mind. No, it's not ignoring the advice you all give.. it's all taken into account and I've formulated my own thing. I love her too much to just say goodbye other then custody issues. I don't know what the future holds- only know my current feelings, and given the circumstances, I don't think there's anything I can do about the feelings right now.

I really hate whining man.. Some reason the past couple years have turned me into everything I hate about this world.. I'm bitter, mean, seldom happy, war causing instead of peace making, and I look at the bad side to everything. Any advice on how to work on these guys & gals?

Feelings have just taken over yet again..

I couldn't stop myself from looking at her myspace.. she took down all our photos.. I pretty well f'in cried.. Hurts.. it really does.. Did we mean nothing? I feel lower then dirt..

I want to break NC and ask her why..
That may be her point to do that.. or it may be a reaction to my removing her from friends and so forth..

I don't know about this thread anymore.. I'm failing to use this great advice.. failing to follow through with NC.. Not even helping myself by any means..

She's f'n removing me from her life like I never meant sh**.. I can't understand why my heart's so dispensable.. Why I put everything I have into it and it's still never enough in any relationship.. I'm tired of crying like a little girl.. whining like an idiot.. and putting my feelings out there to be crushed like garbage by the girl I thought I'd spend my life with..

ALL of this and I still can't stop loving the girl..

I brought a kid into this world to live in a broken home.. . I believed her every time she told me she loved me and nothing could change that or tear us apart..
I just can't believe this is the same girl that was here 5 weeks ago.. kissing me.. having sex with me.. telling me she loved us and would be back.. Writing a message of "always and forever" on the damn bathroom mirror..

WHY can I be thrown away that easy? What kind of cold hearted b**** does that to someone?

If that's the case then I really don't want a girlfriend or wife.. I'm tired of being kicked to the god damn curb like I'm nothing after be strung along blindly by my real and legit feelings.

I asked her if she wanted to break up or go on a break and she cried every f'n time and begged that we work on it and stay together.. What a crock of ****.

Move on if it's over but be considerate and understanding and be there for the person you trash. You can't just do that to a person.. you can't tell them you want marriage and a kid.. then take off after the kid's born while the guy's shopping for a ring.. She's really done a number in all 3 of our lives..

Dude.. If she throws me away for no reason without trying after I tried for her countless times.. and forgave her countless times.. I hope she rots in hell.. for the way she did both me and my son.

Dude, I really hope she doesn't get stupid enough to call my house for anything other then talking to my son or custody.. I hope she doesn't get stupid enough to even smile at me or ask about the weather.

Tal, I'm sure you'll step in to say I'm wrong, so this is to you, respectfully of course.

I've been a gentlemen to her every step of the way.. She could have ended this way better then she did.. I have to send my son to be around that sort of thing with him growing up thinking this crap is OK. It is a shame that parents can't get along.. I hate when kids have split parents that fight.. Now I understand why they fight! She could have worked on it.. or said not now or ever.. She went the f'd up route of in between. I really feel like my son deserves to know this about his mom and how she is as a forewarning, but I can't do that because I don't want to hurt the kid more then he's already going to be.


So how's everyone else doing?

That's just irrational thinking. It's more likely that she's going through NC as you are, removing all links to get it all over with the best way. She might've done it in a moment where she felt less, or she might've done it more emotionally. It all doesn't matter and you should get back to NC, not check up on her in any way and get over her. There is no reason for you to break it.

I plan NC.. I know I keep saying it.. but after seeing her write "hey babe (insert email) add me on msn haven't talked to you in a while miss ya <3" to another guy.. really stabs me in the heart.. Specially when she won't even answer a simple letter or two from me.

So many ways she could have gone about this. It's not the best way. You don't lead someone on for years (so she says.. I still call bs)then shock them with the news on a single weekend.. disappear.. then get mad and hang up when they're upset asking questions. F that.

I was ready to fight for this girl.. die for this girl..

I really really really am pissed and hurt.. yet still love the morally bankrupt girl. But I'm not going to give in to the BS stuff she's been up to lately.. It's like she's purposely trying to hurt me. I'm SUPER pissed she said she didn't want to hurt me then does this crap.

You know what else pisses me off? The fact that this is proving that I'm still the same guy she left.. I really do need to change. I blow up way too quickly and way too harsh, but wouldn't you?

Man, it's hard to be civil with someone when they do this to you on purpose..

God, I want my rib back..

Man.. She wrote me wondering why her passwords were resetting.. We linked out accounts a year ago and she was restting them and I thought someone was resetting mine so I canceled.. she thinks I lied.. asked me to knock it off.. Dude, I don't know why.. but she won't answer anything I sent about her an I.. And, oddly I'm shaking.. like literally nervously.. I only wrote back to assure her that I wasn't doing anything like that..

Currently writing back and forth.. I guess people there are making up a bunch of crap and she's telling me she knows things I told her long ago.. DURRR..

She still says nothing about us.. or why she's already talking to dudes.. man.. I just don't want to care anymore.. this is such an abuse of my feelings.. almost spitefully.. My heart's thumping hard and fast.. I'm shaking.. I'm hurt.. I feel abandoned by the girl I love the most.. I feel like that black piece of gum on a sidewalk.. I don't understand how it was great one day and all of this the next..

Women are twisted.. seriously..

"hey is just a friend nothing else and he knows that.....Joe I just don't want it thats all I'm done I just want to have my son for right now"

For right now.. what the hell? I'm analyzing again...

She had to message me, aye? Well now that it's sorted she should leave me alone yeah?

She baited me.. that's clear... with her comment to her "friend"..

I think I lost half my IQ when we broke up..

Didn't handle this one well at all...
NEXT...

One of these days NC will stick.. and I'll go out and get a life.. lol..

So, I think I've scared off or pissed off the few who were trying to help me lol.. Pretty well just making this a journal I suppose. I've not been good at keeping a real journal since my son decided to try and eat it..

I've decided that I'm a moron and that you all are right, this is my own battle. I'm looking for stuff and asking for stuff, she didn't bring it to my door step. I may just be a lost cause sometimes.

I hope I haven't disrespected any of you in any way, and I want you to know your advice was very much listened to. I guess I'm pretty hard headed/stubborn myself.

I've got to find a plan and stick to it for once.. That plan is the NC plan..

I've figured out limits for myself which are:
- No initiating anything including custody calls unless extremely important in which case nothing else will be discussed.. PERIOD.
- No accepting any messages or calls of any sort including but not limited to: phone calls, voice mails, face book, myspace, myyearbook, msn, aim, yahoo, and anything else that falls into those categories for a span of no less then 3 days.
- Once the 3 days are over I will only pick up the phone if she calls about custody. NOTHING else.
- I will not look at her myspace, facebook, old messages, photographs, my son (lol j/k), msn/hotmail, myyearbook, etc.
- I will block any attempt she may make to discuses anything about being friends unless it's a simple hello or a realistic sit down to talk about the possibilities of getting back. Realistic possibilities only.
- I will shrug off any comment I may run across regarding her, from her, to her, etc.
- I will not respond to emails, calls, or messages from her friend or family.

No if ands or buts no reasons no logic no feelings.. Only in a true emergency will I break this.

So, I think I've scared off or pissed off the few who were trying to help me lol.. Pretty well just making this a journal I suppose. I've not been good at keeping a real journal since my son decided to try and eat it..

I've decided that I'm a moron and that you all are right, this is my own battle. I'm looking for stuff and asking for stuff, she didn't bring it to my door step. I may just be a lost cause sometimes.

I hope I haven't disrespected any of you in any way, and I want you to know your advice was very much listened to. I guess I'm pretty hard headed/stubborn myself.

I've got to find a plan and stick to it for once.. That plan is the NC plan..

I've figured out limits for myself which are:
- No initiating anything including custody calls unless extremely important in which case nothing else will be discussed.. PERIOD.
- No accepting any messages or calls of any sort including but not limited to: phone calls, voice mails, face book, myspace, myyearbook, msn, aim, yahoo, and anything else that falls into those categories for a span of no less then 3 days.
- Once the 3 days are over I will only pick up the phone if she calls about custody. NOTHING else.
- I will not look at her myspace, facebook, old messages, photographs, my son (lol j/k), msn/hotmail, myyearbook, etc.
- I will block any attempt she may make to discuses anything about being friends unless it's a simple hello or a realistic sit down to talk about the possibilities of getting back. Realistic possibilities only.
- I will shrug off any comment I may run across regarding her, from her, to her, etc.
- I will not respond to emails, calls, or messages from her friend or family.

No if ands or buts no reasons no logic no feelings.. Only in a true emergency will I break this.

Hey man sorry haven't been around this weekend-work took over!

That sounds like a great plan-now make sure you stick to it. The less you see of her and the less you know of her the easier it is for you to heal and move on. Regardless of how you feel about things, she's going to do what she's going to do. I know you said your 23, how old is this girl if I may ask? Maybe she just needs to go out in the world and grow a little bit-if that means hanging out with and talking to other guys so be it.

Whatever you do though, don't let her bait you! Stick to your plan at all costs. I made the mistake of getting back to my ex a week after all of her attempts to get ahold of me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, she was starting to reconsider. Nope. You know what she wanted? An old vaccuum cleaner and a fan. Lol... didnt ask how I was doing, nothing like that. She laid a perfect trap to set me up for disappointment... so now I know better than to break NC no matter what. You will get sick of her games and although when I read your posts now it comes across as upsetting, try and find a way to convert that in to a bit of anger towards her and maybe that will help you not break NC. She is doing this to you, and even though you shouldn't be checking up on her myspace and such, talking to other guys so shortly afterwards saying "add me i miss you" IS pretty disrespectful-it's just not your place to ask about it anymore.

When your 3 days is up,shoot for 7. When 7 passes, go for 14-it just gets easier and easier with time. I have been in NC (minus the 3 text messages I sent but I don't even count that) for almost a month-it does get better man. I can't even compare how I feel now to how I felt when I still had to see her at work every night. Just stick to it, you might surprise yourself. Speaking of which, if you feel like your thread isn't helping so much, feel free to PM me anytime, I usually check this site once a day so I'll get any messages and respons pronto.

I may not post, but do read what you write. Pretty obvious that you have too much actual time on your hands and have to find a productive way of using it, besides looking back all the time.

Yes without an outlet, or a better focus, feelings can be very overwhelming, and distracting.

Hey all..

Well, I've done some talking and thinking and have realized that no matter what she does.. I have to do something and go somewhere.. So I'm going to throw myself into working and getting things I was delayed from getting before due to having to take care of a whole family..

That sucks about the vacuum and fan.. what a bee-hotch... It's amazing still how fast they can go from " I love you and nothing can change that" to "hi.. where's my stuff at? Bye. ".. Such BS the way they work.. Makes you wonder if they're all the same.. Hope not..

I do have too much time, and being that I can choose my hours and days doesn't help. I've had some friends pretty much verbally punch me in the face for my own good..

You're completely right about the fact that she's going to do what she's going to do.. I do want her back, but currently there is nothing I can do to change that and I'm not sure I need it right now given the fact my life revolved around her for years. That's completely ridiculous and kind of scary and I need to learn how to live my own life again. Her choices shouldn't effect all of mine.

I'm on day 2 of this NC.. It's got me wondering a lot about what she's up to, but other then that I have been getting better about getting through my day without breaking down.

To me, it's amazing that I can make it a day with laughter and smiles and get through listening to a sappy song or movie without freaking out like a pansy.

Oddly, since I've been single I've had like 5-6 girls asking me to hang out and so forth.. I don't plan to date anyone or get involved right now.. I need to learn to deal with my feelings rather then mask them with another relationship. But, the feeling of being wanted is nice and let's me know that if sh never comes back that I can be OK.

I figured out I became a controlling, jealous, angry, wuss.. I did this out of fear when I found out I was having a kid and I just started losing myself. If I ever want hope of being a family again, or having another woman even, I need to fix these things. These things have made me unhappy as a person which explains so much. I also now understand that she had no control over her feelings and I understand why she felt the way she did. I would have too.

I've lost 20lbs in 5 weeks.. So I plan to fix that.. got a plan and hope to be the next Ryan Reynolds LOL..

You know, when I did check up on her before.. all I saw was a lost, confused, bored, unhappy girl. She's taken to the internet to make and have friends, which isn't bad, but she has no actual life. It's beyond obvious that the state she's in isn't that great. I hope for her and my son that that's not going to become her lifestyle. I feel bad for her honestly..

I know that she fell in love with me once.. It's possible again, but in the meantime I'm going to work to become the complete package.. a man any woman would be happy and proud to be with. : )

Our door will never be permanently closed, just temporarily unavailable... I'm done running into it head first idiotically when that's the case..

Future reference.. How do I tell if she's baiting or perhaps sincere?

Yeah, I'm 23 & she's 18.. We both haven't seen everything to honestly say for sure what we want.. and who wants to be in a relationship they're unsure of? It'd never work..

I'm not worried about her comments anymore.. Seriously it says one thing.. I meant something to her and she's trying to fill that void. It makes me a bit happy, really.. She's grabbing at any bit of attention that comes her way.. She's missing me on some level.. It shows.

Thanks for posting you guys.. It means a lot to know that I'm still being heard.. and your advice in general is great.

I look forward to getting my truck here soon. Found a lead on a great insurance deal. Will know better this week. I may be driving away with it by the weekend! Now I can get out of the house and take my son places. It's also a bit to shove in her face : D and show her that she can't hold me back. I'm regaining my balls and losing the wuss in me. Slowly regaining pride and confidence as well..

I still hold all of the cards when it comes to custody.. I sleep well at night knowing I'm always going to get to see my son.. : )

Haha atta boy man! Get that ryan reynolds going... I just started working out consistently and it feels great... did you create a program online or are you kind of winging it?

I spend a lot of my time in general reading about exercises, dieting and nutrition, weight lifting, etc.. Men's Health Magazine and Book reader.. avid! GNC member.. I just like it.. I duno..

I wing it but also put plans together for myself.. Before and after photos as well.. maybe I can post results time to time..

My build I have to pretty much do as he did which is what makes working towards looking like him the goal.. I'm cutting cardio out completely.. Lots of fats, but mostly the healthy fats.. It's simple mass gaining.. Working out, but eating slightly more calories for a while then I would be able to work off.. No calories after 8pm.. 7-8 meals throughout the day rather then 3 big ones.. Whey, casein, creatine, maybe mass gainer, and multi-vitamins.. Nothing unnatural..

The only part that sucks is that we have to grow apart... then MAYBE retry later to see if who we've become even clicks.. This happens to me so damn often, and they never click again.. I'm worried a little I suppose. I love her how she was/is.. She's seemingly headed into another direction due to current influences.. sucks, dudes.. really does.. I just hope whoever I grow into matches the same girl I fell in love with years ago..

Need some ideas for personal growth..
How do I fix these things and work on them?
-Controlling - This Idiotic My Way Or The Highway Crap I Have
-Jealousy
-Confidence
-Wussyness- I've Become A Wuss
-Fear- Of Ever Committing Again
-Anger- Lots Of It.. Explosive.. Over Dumb Stuff Usually That Should Be Laughed At Or Shrugged At..
-Learning- How To Not Fear Being Alone.

I'm a really big mess.. and I can't believe I let myself fall into this and how comfortable I had gotten..

How do I hang out with these girls without letting them fill the void for me? They're fun and goofy so It'd be a plus... Plus they're women, it's an automatic confidence booster.. I just don't want to get caught in any moments right now haha.. No rebounds for me..

So... uh... now what ?

The only part that sucks is that we have to grow apart... then MAYBE retry later to see if who we've become even clicks.. This happens to me so damn often, and they never click again.. I'm worried a little I suppose. I love her how she was/is.. She's seemingly headed into another direction due to current influences.. sucks, dudes.. really does.. I just hope whoever I grow into matches the same girl I fell in love with years ago..

Need some ideas for personal growth..
How do I fix these things and work on them?
-Controlling - This Idiotic My Way Or The Highway Crap I Have
-Jealousy
-Confidence
-Wussyness- I've Become A Wuss
-Fear- Of Ever Committing Again
-Anger- Lots Of It.. Explosive.. Over Dumb Stuff Usually That Should Be Laughed At Or Shrugged At..
-Learning- How To Not Fear Being Alone.

I'm a really big mess.. and I can't believe I let myself fall into this and how comfortable I had gotten..

How do I hang out with these girls without letting them fill the void for me? They're fun and goofy so It'd be a plus... Plus they're women, it's an automatic confidence booster.. I just don't want to get caught in any moments right now haha.. No rebounds for me..

So... uh.... now what ?


Hey man,
Well maybe you won't want to retry in the future... think about that. You said it yourself she is heading in a different direction right now... sometimes people need to figure things out on their own. My ex is going completely astray as well last I saw of her... and while it bothered me at first, I grew angry, than I just accepted it. I was angry that THAT lifestyle was what she left me for, when for 3 years she said she had enough of it, didn't like it, wasn't a party girl, etc. But there she is out clubbin... I tried hitting bars every weekend with my friends-but after a few weekends of it I realized that wasn't who I was, and while its fun once in a while, it gets real old real fast. And if that's how she likes living her life right now-than we aren't meant to be together. You may not feel it right now, but eventually I think it's a safe bet her behaviour will push you away, and you will just grow to accept whoever she becomes for better or worse and roll with the punches. But, right now, it doesn't really matter. Reconciliation should be the last thing on your mind right now, focus on yourself, and the custody business.

I WAS the jealous kind of guy... maybe I still am, but I don't feel it. That was one of the main reasons she dumped me... and for the first 1 1/2 maybe 2 months I was constantly asking her: "is this for another guy?" "are you seeing someone?" "were you cheating on me?"-all signs I still had jealousy issues (none of this turned out to be true, but your mind assumes the worst at these times) and eventually I stopped caring if she was with someone else or if she left me for another guy. I think that was a big first step. I can't tell you for sure how to cure jealousy, some will recommend therapy, some reading a self help book, I honestly whenever the time is right and I'm in my next long term relationship-will use my mistakes from this one to make sure I'm not jealous again. Bite my tongue, and give my unconditional trust. Hopefully it isn't broken... sometimes you just got to go on faith, and I've learned that.

As for controlling, relationships are about compromise. Having someone do it your way all the time just builds feelings of resentment, and pushes them away. Think about that, and sometimes we have to realize, we just aren't always right.

But its 2am here man, I got to pass out due to work in the morning. Have fun working out and keep me posted

Update:

Broke NC, but not in the way you think.. Read on..

Got into her head a little. She's really unsure about anything and just needs space. I ran into her in an old chat we used to goof off on and she doesn't know this username. She started talking to me when I was talking to others. So I lured a bit with teasing talk and she privated me.

I acted like I had a similar situation and explained the guy can changed you just have to give it time to see it. We went aback and forth a lot and I found out she's a huge flirt and loves attention but hasn't had sex. Worse she did was a picture in her bra. She's obviously showing signs that what I said she thought about because she asked if that picture counted as sex when I told her sex could close her book for good.

I know I know I broke NC, but COME ON how often can you do this really? Plus, I had fun flirting with her and seeing she does like who I am still. When I told her it's fine to take her time she didn't respond really, but when I said don't go on without letting him have the chance to show you he can change everything like I "did" in my hypothetical character lol.

She mentioned the problems and even that I said I would change but that she hasn't seen it and I have been pushing her away by saying don't have sex and still trying to control her. Good points she made. Why she can't tell me these things I don't know.

She mentioned that I haven't shown change because I still don't have that truck (she's absolutely right), I have this crappy job I hate, and I still live in this dump that depresses me. I also asked her about trying her "ex" before she moves on and he regrets not being about to show change and feels like crap for the rest of his life, that one day she may regret not trying, and that she has to tell her son that she didn't even try before giving up. I like the answers she gave in private when dealt with individually. In the main room she said stuff about wondering about custody and not wanting me or being with me, but in private message she showed that she's not sure..

She changed the subject A LOT, but I always got it back lol. She's trying to press it out of her mind, so I'll back off and let her cool down and in the meantime see what else I can do.

She said she wasn't sure about sex with anyone else but that she's not going to wait around 6 months to a year for me. She also said some things that hurt a little, but I think they were said in the hopes of my flirting more and stuff. She did mention out sex life the same way I did/do- that we just got boring. I explained to her that after a year the lust wears off and you have to BOTH try to make things exciting and fun.

In one room she spoke about being done with me once she gained custody rights, but the other room mentioned that she'd never do it. I think it's ALL about attention right now! It's good news!

While I give her space I'll work on making our custody chats short but friendly, and possibly do what she's been doing to me, making her jealous.

I do not get this though..
A) When she hunted down my post about some girl being hot and wanting to hang out she acted bothered by it.
B) She mentioned to the chatroom me that I had moved on. (I assured her that my actions showed that I still loved her regardless)
C) She asks for space and tells me to move on.

These are very mixed reactions and answers. Which is more then likely?

I believe she loves me, but I think she enjoys flirting(which I'm OK with that even the bra pic was cute) and I think she;s afraid because she refuses to face the reality of any of it.

She says it makes her mad to talk about me or to me. I asked why and she said, "it's messed up that he didn't love me before and only started loving me in the end." I told her that if he's like me and I'm sure he is that he loved you all along that's why he stayed too, he just had some of his own demons to deal with.

I asked her if she saw these changes(job, car, place) would she consider trying again with him.. she said "idk" "i'm not sure"..

So my job is to get out there and make these things happen, give her space, and then present this life to her.

I do, however, need to get her out of being mad about me and to me. I think between no contact about us and friendly talks about custody and our son that I can do it.

Am I an idiot or what? LOL.. An excited one, and it keeps me from calling her making it worse and gives me some insight on what's going on.

She dyed her hair and it looks beautiful, she dressed up for some new Facebook pics and I was just gaga over them. I think I love this new her even more. For once she's being herself again and she's being outgoing on top of it.. I dig it! Lol..

Yeah.. I'm stupid.. but hell.. it's better to try for her then to not do anything with myself. If I get let down later at least I still have my son and life. I wish I could tell her it was me, but it'll ruin it and possibly make her hate me more lol. I'll keep hush hush. She was turned on by the chatroom me while spouting off that she lost her feelings for me and could never have them back. I laughed pretty hard.

I watched her flirt with other guys, even with myself since she didn't now it was me, I heard about the pic, seen her act a spaz about being h*rney and not having sex. LOL. I wasn't hurt, jealous, and kind of got turned on by it. I see what I missed by controlling her before. Man I wish I could say something about it rofl.. It'll get me through the days so I can get back on track.

I think one day she'll come back around, but who knows, maybe she'll change and it'll be me who comes around. Maybe neither, but I doubt it. I think if I can use this knowledge to my benefit I'll have a chance. We'll see.

She's alone in GA, she's all on the net and that's all, eventually she'll lone for the person in real life and hopefully by then I can show her the me she loved before. I think she's really too unsure about how to handle her and I which is what's keeping her from crossing the line.

My time to shine.

So you cyberstalked your ex,pretending to be somebody else?

I have moving more to say on this thread.

I'm unsubscribing.

No.. I ran into her at a place we both used to go.. I didn't even see her until she spoke my username and I seen it was her.. She did most the talking.. I just finally got a chance to hear what the problems were from her since she always shut me out. I also had the chance to show her my side and where I was coming from.

Regardless of whether this run in incident where she spoke to me first is to your moral liking, you have to see the humor in that she's hitting on me and liking me and telling me she doesn't. Dude, it gives me peace of mind. And you know what, I'm not ashamed.

I never knew what the situation was because of the close communication. I was given the opportunity to see what I was doing wrong in her eyes. It confirmed most of what I already though, but that confirmation made me smile a real smile for the first time in months.

I also spoke to a mutual friend who randomly pasted the ex's Facebook statuses without my asking since I unadded the ex.. Its says that she's tired of people playing with her feelings that they don't see how bad she's hurting on the inside.

I'm telling you all I KNOW THIS GIRL. I know she has feelings, just not sure what it takes to bring them out.

Unsubscribe and never post if you must, but this is the first real sign I've had since this all began that I'm not going insane in what I'm feeling and saying. I'm not saying sorry or apologizing for my act. I know how to possibly get my family back.

You don't know what that means to me, amicon. I lost my family. I lost the will to really live life anymore. Am I not allowed to be given hope? Am I not allowed something harmless? Am I not allowed to know what I did wrong so that I may fix it? I know one day it'll all pay off in one way or another. It's already done, I was caught in the moment, and now I'm going to use it.

Your inability to communicate honestly is what's biting you in the butt big time. Deceit will get you excited, but solves nothing. The truth is, she is not sold on the ideas of your change, and that's her stumbling block.

Come on guy, what she says to a stranger in a chat room is different than actually doing something to help her situation work. Lets not forget the same situation she ran from is still waiting for her when she returns, even if you are nicer about it.

Change is all about actions, not words, and you must have the actions or the words mean nothing.

You asked a question before that I thought was telling,

Why she can't tell me these things I don't know.
That's the red flag that's been waving since you got here, why you two have no communications, and what you do about it. All the other details fall by the way side in light of the real problem.

You want to show change? Then my suggestion is you start with your attitude, and how you are conducting your business, as true communications start with the ears, (thats why there are two of them, and its no coincidence the brain is between them) and you really need to find that point of communications with her that can resolve issues, to both your benefit, not just yours. You worry about what you have now and she is seeing a bleak future, so get on the same page.

Have you thought of improving yourself through schooling, in class or online, that has a placement service for graduates? And maybe given your finances, some grants or loans to help you? That's how I would be looking to address my own future employment, and buying a new truck. That may be the change she can believe in.

I have seen that strategy work with many a young person, and ex convicts exceptionally well, so I can say with confidence, its something to consider.

This is not about her wanting you back, never has been, its about you getting your ducks in order, and restoring not only your confidence in yourself, but hers in you. And you need actions, not words, so get busy, and stop the deceit.

If she ever finds out how low you have stooped, your toast.

While I don't agree with what you did, I can understand WHY you did it, and I can honestly say if pressed with the same situation it would have been at the very least tempting... but I wouldn't make a habit of it... doesnt sound like you plan on it anyway I'm just saying...

Another thing I noticed is that for the first time in this thread, you seem confident-good for you! I wish there was a way to get you to feel like this that didn't revolve around getting your ex back at this point, but whatever works and helps you get your s**t together right?

Sorry guys, that personal stuff is not needed. Nor can it be tolerated. Keep it real or what's the point in keeping this post going?

You're right, Tal.. I was stuck in the moment, and I still stand by it being stupid not taking the opportunity.

I know the communications aren't open because she's brick walling me when I try to talk to her, she doesn't respond to messages, she won't stay on the phone more then a few minutes. I don't know what else to do to get her to talk to me, man.

I do plan on showing her. I'm pulling extra hours at work and making phone calls when I'm off all while taking care of my kid, being up 48 hours with 6 hours a sleep every few days. I'm trying to show her, but she doesn't get it takes time.

I want to go to school, unfortunately I have no one I trust fully to watch him and until my mother comes down I cannot go to school or find another job. If I go to court and tell them that I have him babysat by a stranger or non-family member most of the time he's here and she says her mom watches him while she works and school, I'm going to only get visitations. I'm terrified to do anything man. I'm literally trapped and out of options other then my current job for the next few months.

I know I stooped low, but I did deserve some sort of answer.. When I tried and tried to talk to her or get an answer she would get mad at me. When I asked what was wrong I was given a short summary that pretty much said she was tired of it. OF WHAT? How do you repair that vehicle when you don't know where the problem lies? Sure, it lies in the vehicle somewhere, but I can change thousands of pieces and parts on it before nailing it.

I'm giving her the space, and I plan to work my butt off to show these two that I meant what I said about doing anything for them. And if I can't get it no matter how hard I try.. I'll do what I have to. I am the provider- I am the protector of this family! I will work, school, move, win, lose, die, kill, steal, manipulate, stoop, lose pride, burn bridges, and build networks to ensure my family the best, Tal. When all else fails I have to move onto the next thing until I've fixed it.

Yes, she's lost her confidence and pride in and for me. I plan to re-establish that. She's lost the ability to feel secure enough to tell me things and talk to me. I will accept my hurt feelings to open the door of communication between us.

She's hurt, Tal. I did that. I don't know what to do to fix these things. She also mentioned stuff I said in the heat of the moment when she finally walked on me a lot too much. I meant none of it. It was just a way of trying to hurt her back. Is that something I can just tell her?

Other then fix the problems she mentioned, what else do I do? I can fix the money, the vehicle, the house, and work on my personal idiotic antics and stupidity, but what do I do about her other then space? Do I need to talk to her about non-relationship things so she can slowly feel it's OK to open up to me?

I can't open up communications if she's pissed when I talk about the relationship.

Thanks, Tal... I need to be punched really. I'm just running out of any sanity left. A friend ordered a pizza for me because he knew I hadn't left the house and all I had was baby food when he came over. I just don't know about things anymore man. Without this I'd be empty of confidence.

How do I sell her on the idea of me changing when she's not around to see it?

You're right, Tal.. I was stuck in the moment, and I still stand by it being stupid not taking the opportunity.

I know the communications aren't open because she's brick walling me when I try to talk to her, she doesn't respond to messages, she won't stay on the phone more then a few minutes. I don't know what else to do to get her to talk to me, man.

I do plan on showing her. I'm pulling extra hours at work and making phone calls when I'm off all while taking care of my kid, being up 48 hours with 6 hours a sleep every few days. I'm trying to show her, but she doesn't get it takes time.

I want to go to school, unfortunately I have no one I trust fully to watch him and until my mother comes down I cannot go to school or find another job. If I go to court and tell them that I have him babysat by a stranger or non-family member most of the time he's here and she says her mom watches him while she works and school, I'm going to only get visitations. I'm terrified to do anything man. I'm literally trapped and out of options other then my current job for the next few months.

I know I stooped low, but I did deserve some sort of answer.. When I tried and tried to talk to her or get an answer she would get mad at me. When I asked what was wrong I was given a short summary that pretty much said she was tired of it. OF WHAT? How do you repair that vehicle when you don't know where the problem lies? Sure, it lies in the vehicle somewhere, but I can change thousands of pieces and parts on it before nailing it.

I'm giving her the space, and I plan to work my butt off to show these two that I meant what I said about doing anything for them. And if I can't get it no matter how hard I try.. I'll do what I have to. I am the provider- I am the protector of this family! I will work, school, move, win, lose, die, kill, steal, manipulate, stoop, lose pride, burn bridges, and build networks to ensure my family the best, Tal. When all else fails I have to move onto the next thing until I've fixed it.

Yes, she's lost her confidence and pride in and for me. I plan to re-establish that. She's lost the ability to feel secure enough to tell me things and talk to me. I will accept my hurt feelings to open the door of communication between us.

She's hurt, Tal. I did that. I don't know what to do to fix these things. She also mentioned stuff I said in the heat of the moment when she finally walked on me a lot too much. I meant none of it. It was just a way of trying to hurt her back. Is that something I can just tell her?

Other then fix the problems she mentioned, what else do I do? I can fix the money, the vehicle, the house, and work on my personal idiotic antics and stupidity, but what do I do about her other then space? Do I need to talk to her about non-relationship things so she can slowly feel it's ok to open up to me?

I can't open up communications if she's pissed when I talk about the relationship.

Thanks, Tal... I need to be punched really. I'm just running out of any sanity left. A friend ordered a pizza for me because he knew I hadn't left the house and all I had was baby food when he came over. I just don't know about things anymore man. Without this I'd be empty of confidence.

How do I sell her on the idea of me changing when she's not around to see it?

I'm not tal but I feel the need to comment anyway...

You need to see through the fact that this change shouldn't be about her man! You need to change for yourself, and make your own life better and be happy with you and your son. And trust me dude, it's a small world. If your out there doing things, making connections and most of all being happy, she, and a lot of other females will take notice. The news will spread... but do it for yourself right now man. When you feel that change in you, and you know your happy, and IF you still want her back-I would say that's when you pursue. She may not see the changes at first, but I guarantee she hears about them, and maybe that piques her curiousity, maybe not. But I cannot stress enough, that right now you just need to do what you said, let go, stick to NC, and improve your situation.

Don't talk about anything with her right now except custody. Don't try and open up any friend zone lines of communication... she has made it clear she's not up for conversation right now, so just respect that.

It's nice to hear that your working long hours, but sleep is important. Sleep and eating are two very important things for you right now. Without enough of either, your mood will be crappy all the time and the feelings of depression will be much harder to get rid of.

The conversation happened, its in the past, you have your answers. Now stick to your plan, and to as little contact as possible, for your own sanity please!

Get on this computer and Google online degrees and research the subject. Waiting for months to do something for yourself is ridicules. Start now getting confidence in yourself through actions, and a little work. And get some freakin' food in your house why don'tcha!!

I realize your great at ranting and venting, but at some point, its about doing and accomplishing. Baby steps gets you started. So take a baby step, and use the computer for something other than b1tching about a female who is sick of your sh1t.

Tell me what you find. I am going to show you how to "fix your car", without tearing the whole thing to pieces.

Working on finding a career. I have been looking this whole time just not really hard core. I don't know what I want to do with my life.

She's hell bent on dating because apparently if "he makes mistakes then I should be able to make a mistake".. later stating "i don't think it's a mistake".. Yeah.. She's just having fun hoeing it up. It's pretty sad that she feels she needs all of that attention. Mine was a real mistake.. stupid but accidental.. She's going out of her way to make one.. Slowly losing attraction towards her already.

Even if she grew up down the line, I'm not sure I could take her back after sidelining me to sleep around. She obviously never gave a damn about me. Hurts to know that that which I love with half my heart doesn't give a damn about me anymore. Pretty sure I could drop off the face of the planet or die in a horrible accident and she wouldn't flinch.

I still say she's confused. She's talking about dating, yet she does nothing but talk on the internet to a gay guy and bunch of h*rny game geeks. She doesn't have the first clue about dating as an adult. I guess that's my fault really. Unfortunately.

I'm going to keep building as if she were to return.. It keeps me confident. I'm mainly building for my son now, he's very much worth it!

I just want to know that one day when I wake up I'll have that special someone to share my mornings with who actually loves me. I fear being lied to again. I invested my all into her and got punched in the heart for it. This is just going to cause me serious trust and insecurity issues later. If the woman I love and want to marry hates me, then what kind of life do I have to look forward to?

I've apparently lived a lie (still don't believe she knows what she's talking about) for the past almost 2 years. How do you recover from that, seriously? To wake up one day and find out that all that you love is gone or half gone.. That all the "i love yous" and kisses and making love meant nothing. This makes me tear up just typing it. The always and forevers, the writing each other fun and loving notes, the walks and memories you thought were special. It's all gone.

I was right, people are still trying to talk her out of it.. daily.. The guys on her stupid internet chat crap. I guess if she's weak enough in feelings for me to be talked out of it then I don't know if there was anything (which contradicts everything).

I'm trying to take this newly given info into thought, but I'm trying to not over analyze her actual words. I've been analyzing my feelings of emptiness and aloneness. Not sure where I stand right now.

Yeah, I'm a great complainer and b*tcher. Don't know why I've turned into this crappy pity party guy. I used to shrug stuff like this off and continue my day.

I finally got my insurance quote and can happily say that everything will be handled on my end come Sunday or Monday. I hope everything's good on the other end. I have to get the details worked out with this friend of a friend guy lol.

Can you really earn a REAL degree online? I've been looking at the local tech schools and community colleges.. Not too much to go by. I'm confused by a lot of this crap lol.. I suppose if I can't get past the website I'm not going to fair well in the class lol.. Still not the slightest clue what I'm allowed to do and what I want to do.

Eating a little better now and although I've been up 24 hours already I've slept a little better. I just want out of this life with all of these fake a$$ memories we had. That's a good part of my motivation. However, life's ability to make ever crap situation crappier has left me stranded for months lol.

Studying for my GED.. So boring lol..

Get that GED, and get some VOCATIONAL training, and at least have a skill to get a good job with. Baby steps work wonders.

I'll do my best to kick my own a$$ time to time and put myself back in check.

Trying to get her out of my head is an entirely different thing. I can barely get through a song/show without her popping in my head to ensure I keep hurting. I check every day to see if she's written me or called. Never happens. I see she's really done with me and it hurts how quick it happened. I know she had it in her head before, but to me it appears fresh and out of no where and quick. I just want the haunting to quit on my end. Can't believe how stupid I am in still loving this girl.

The problem is you have enough on your own plate without her.

You started by saying that your past was biting you in the butt, and it is, but that GED is what can make the changes you want, at least that is a first step you focus on. Not getting your baby momma back. I will be honest guy, you better focus, and give this 100% and tell your heart to shut the "F" up, as your son would have little chance with an unemployable father.

You have ranted on her for long enough, and fail to see how important those changes you can make are. I have counseled many who are in your shoes, and I find the ones that WANT to make something of themselves, are the ones that do.

Granted it's a slow process, and its damn hard, so how bad do you want it for yourself. For now That's your priority, not getting her back. Not anticipating she will change her mind

Not hoping for a family again

Not trying to get in her head

Not figuring new ways to con her feelings.

Doing the real deal, and contrary to popular belief 2/3 weeks tops is what it takes to pass a GED test. So how ready are you??

All but the math I can ace. I test well.. college scores out of the 8th grade.

I've come to see what you mean! I'm finally on the downward part of the hill.

I've lost respect and feelings for her since all of this and when I spoke to her before and she said hurtful things.. I was surprised when I opened my eyes and I was still alive and my heart still beat.

I've never cared about myself much- still don't. The job, the car, the place, the repairs, the money, etc.. They mean nothing to me. I can get by on so little.. I've moved with a duffel bag of clothes many times in a 5 minute decision when I was single. This is all for HIM. My SON. Nothing else matters. This was for my family, but I've come to realize he IS my family.

I've got my quote, I'm working on this vehicle as we speak. I have high hopes for my future. I was doing way too much planning when I had nothing to plan with. I'm starting with the basic. Work. Then food and so forth. Then insurance, vehicle, gas. Then saving money. Then this GED. Then I start looking for a certification. I like the way welding or mechanics sound. Not for a career, but to make more money and to have something slightly more stable in the mean time.

I've had it all wrong, but I had to wait this time out to clear my head.

When I spoke to her not only did I lose some feelings and respect, but again I saw I was OK and could laugh at the situation even. I also was flirting with an old girl friend of mine (not that kind of girlfriend) and I felt this sudden release of tension. I felt a bit more clear headed and it was just that quick. It's that I saw there's more then one girl in the world and if I lose my ex forever.. it's OK still.. I'm proud of myself for not calling her or confronting her. VERY. I still hurt and still love the girl, but I can be OK without her.

It's all about attention with her, and it's sad that she craves attention so bad that she gets it from people who call her "fat" and "ugly". She clearly has her own self worthiness issues and immaturity she needs to overcome on her own. I can't be a part of that and I can't save her from herself. That's her department.

I hadn't been in the sun so long it hurt a little yesterday.. lol.. I got out of the house and spent the day with my son just shopping and cruising around. I loved it. His little smile and his little hugs and kisses (I'm not gay and mushy.. I promise.. ) just make me laugh at the worst of times.

He had this old cell we gave him the other day and tried to be daddy LOL. He held it to his head and was walking around talking in it and then time to time he did his fake laugh and smile then continued talking. Rofl! Mind you he's only almost a year and a half. Smart kid! Then I gave him a bath the other day and couldn't find him shortly there after. I FREAKED out and searched and searched only to hear banging on the wall. I was like " is that?". He stole the WHOLE big jar of peanut butter, got the lid off, and was hiding in the pantry eating it. Lmao. I had to stop my emo moment to just die laughing. Then I had to bathe him again : /

I'm doing so much better now though. I just have better things to do. My son needs a dad and his big buddy back. I need to get the HELL out of this place. Lol.

My cards and even most of her were always mine to play. I've realized this now! And, the most satisfying part is knowing I can play these cards, but showing the self restraint and letting her dig her own holes and deal with them. Also, I can now play my cards and get my act together whenever I so choose in anyway I choose. I love it.

I really want to say thanks to all those who've watched me punch myself in the scrote over and over and still kept giving me advice. I would have given up on my stubborn a$$ lol. We need to hold a AMHD party. Seriously. Lol.. and AMHD should be a physical location.. Need a business store front lol. Come in, get emo, get slapped, get better, fall on your face like a tool, get picked back up and slapped again, and then get over it and on with your life. That's the motto. Lol..

I'll be spending more and more time taking my baby steps back into the world. Less time talking about it. Yeah right.. who am I kidding? If I'm not ranting and venting, I'm bragging and rambling. : p

Bragging and rambling is much better than venting at this stage... and now you do have some stuff to brag about. Congratulations! See how good it feels when you just say "f it" and get on with your life?

"I still love the girl, but ill be ok without her"-this is what I would call the turning point. You have realized that yes it hurts and yes you love her, but life will go on regardless. Im glad you have learned you can be OK without her... and your right, let her dig her own holes. Haha I should be taking advice from you now, I have had some severe screw ups lately.

It sounds like your doing all the right things, congratulations. It will just get a bit easier and easier everyday now!

What, a post about something other than her??

Keep it going guy, that's all you have to do.

On lunch break.

Kind of going dumb. I've been thinking about her today. Also about how she said her step dad told her I was feeling up girls when I was with her (TOTAL LIE). I'm going to ask her next time she calls exactly what I did that's that unforgivable. All BS aside. If her actions are based on that then this may be salvageable.

We'll find out when she calls tonight to speak with our son..

Kill her with kindness..

There you go again, plotting, and planning, how to get your way!!

Told her what I had to say.. and cleared my name.

Really not expecting anything of it.. I'm going to get on with my life for my son, but I'll probably fight for her for a while more.

I'm in a better state of mind to handle this stuff now. I can speak calmly, honestly, rationally, and not breakdown after wards. I'm very much relieved by that fact.

I'm not sure what exactly to do, but I can start a day at a time. Eventually I'll be somewhere, and maybe.. just maybe.. she'll see that I'm honest in what I say about how I'm straightening up my life. It'll always be better with her here, but I can manage without.

I'm just kind of blah more then hurt anymore. The only things that hurt me anymore are these three thoughts I have in my head that reoccur throughout the day. I even have mental videos/images of it. The first one being that one day I'll go to drop off my son and he'll run into the arms of another man. The second is the thought of how many great memories I have missed or that didn't happen because I wasn't there for them before that much. The third is that we'll never have those moments again.

She's not dating she says.. Really not sure what to think here. Not sure my emotions on that one. I guess one day we'll find out.

I'm kind of pissed about her not trying harder to see her son that she's not seen in a month and a half or even call him. She only called tonight because I asked her if she wanted to talk to him tonight and possibly me after. I don't know what kind of mother she's trying to be doing those things.

I'm not going to look into the career thing just yet until I have my life settled down a little bit first..

I'm glad to have such great friends and family in my life and on the net (you guys).. Not sure sometimes if I would be OK without you.. You've helped me push myself into seeing that I'll be OK no matter what.

Just taking it one day at a time.

Nah, I just didn't want there to be any false reasons to not try.. and specially something that slandered me like that. I've never cheated in my life.. It's just not in me. I will refuse to let some po-dunk hillbilly who drinks and smokes weed and blows his money to slander me. I'd rip that dude to pieces if I didn't have custody to worry about. That's beyond messed up. I don't get why someone would do that to me or anyone. I don't go around messing with other people. I helped him save his relationship. I don't deserve that.

I don't want my way if it's false, Tal. I just don't want the reason we're apart to be false either. She's not close enough to see if I've made changes, so I just caught her up on how we were doing and what we've been up to. She did the same. That's it.

Just checking, as sometimes we get so caught up in our own situation we make small inconsequential things bigger than they should be (slander by a relative of hers), and that makes the thinking stink even more.

Focus on the things you can control(you) and leave the stuff you can't control(everyone else) alone.

Anger, and frustration make bad decisions, and distracts us from important things we should be paying attention to.

Trying not to be angry, just sick of all this BS. I didn't do anything that's unforgivable. I'm just not sure what to think anymore. I'm not totally happy, so I'm not going to fake it.

After the call I found myself feeling a bit empty. I'm not sure exactly why. Nothing bad was said and she spoke to me in a normal manner for once. I didn't expect her to say anything or do anything.

So odd though.. While we're becoming who we once were again, I seem to be really attracted to her like I was when we first met.

I'm keeping the no contact thing because I don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't know if they want to love me. I don't believe I broke NC when I cleared those things up. We had to talk over our son anyhow. Plus, I felt I handled our conversation well without blasting into "i love you!"s.

Tal, I know I'm asking you something you have no clue about personally, but in your opinion based on what you know, why these things?
-Why does she tell me to move on then bring it up later when I make a move in that direction?
-Why did she say she wanted to date if she's been single this whole time?

I know it's analyzing things etc. But, I'm really curious and intrigued by the fact that she's acting against everything she's said for no obvious reason. Makes me wonder if I'm being tested or what.

How does one get over insecurities? I had some prior just due to life in general, but I don't want to be insecure about any future relationships (her or otherwise) because that'll just make them all collapse. I want to be a stronger man for all of this, but I'm feeling it may make me weaker in that sense. I'm fixing all the mistakes I can think of that I've made while making more in my head.

Feels good to be caught up on the work and money I was behind on. I really had dug a hole the past 5 weeks. Can't really job hunt until I get my mother down to babysit. I have been asking around to people I know about welding and mechanics. So far everything I find seems to be total crap and a waste of time. I want something good paying, stable, but that allows me enough time to see my kid every day and spend the weekends with him. Any ideas?

My son.. is a BABE magnet! Lol.. I have this thing where I'll see a cute cashier or something and I'll whisper " say hi " and he waves rofl. They come rushing over saying "awww, look how cute!".. "yup.. that's mine!" I reply.. They always seem to laugh. Good ice-breaking skills he has plus it lets me know who likes kids. Lol.. 5 girls in one 4 hour day out he lured in with his smile and waves and talking.. He's a natural flirt all by himself. I'm proud! Unfortunately, he also stops every old couple we come across. Lol..

Other then work and goofing off with my son I feel a void in my life. Even flirting and having fun doesn't fill it. I'm not sure how to take care of this or if it'll ever be filled or not matter. I have a field day with my son, flirt a little, work, get out of the house, etc.. And it's still just kind of there to bring me down. Something's missing : /

You just seem to let her confuse you and go through so much emotional turmoil trying to get answers to show you a road map to get her back, and you try to hard and get caught up in battles you don't have to fight. A complete waste of time.

You can't just throw something up that looks good on paper and say this is change. Change takes time and work, and a lot of both, and tons of patients.

You don't get exes back by trying to show them change. Often that pushes them further away. If you backed off from that goal, and let her make a decision without your influence, good or bad, you will be in a better position to make positive adjustments for yourself, and present a whole different attitude to your outlook.

People always think they have to work hard to keep what they had, when its much more effective to walk your path and wait for them to keep up with you because they want to.

That's always the problem when we focus on holding tight, and trying to fix every mistake, so we are attractive to the ex, when in reality the way you were when you met was more attractive to them, than now.

You have completely failed to see that you can't fix a couple with just one partner working hard, as it takes two, and it must be entirely voluntary. She must be willing on her own, to work with you for more than the sake of her son, and you have to be willing to let her make a decision about that herself as you do what you have to.

All your energy is on the fixing, and NONE, on the growing, knowing , and understanding that your path should not even involve her participation at all and act on that fact.

Then those small details from her won't confuse you. Then those confusion won't affect your thinking, and actions. Then those thought won't distract you. Then you will get a freaking math tutor, or put in whatever time it takes to be proficient enough to get a GED, so you can take the next step of stability, a good paying job, or a positive, productive career path, then your insecurity will be replaced with confidence, through accomplishment. Then you will be more attractive to others because your attitude has changed from challenged to a happier outlook, because your no longer confused.

Then you would have made changes we all can see. Then you won't care what your ex is thinking and doing, because your busy walking down your own path and will be a good example and mentor for your son. Whether the ex is there to help or not.


Nah, I just didn't want there to be any false reasons to not try.

If you spent as much time working on your math skills as you do worrying about the lies and opinions of a dopey hill billy, you would probably have accomplished your most important goal, getting your GED. How distracting, and wasteful to give him such importance in your life. What others say, no matter what it is, is irrrelevant, when weighed against what you should be, and could be doing.

Yeah.. Well.. F*** it..

Just done chatting with her.. she's in denial and living in a fake reality and it's really really pissing me off.. She said yesterday she would try to work things out if I proved I wasn't lying about changing. Today she lies and says she doesn't have those feelings. Yeah then why ask ffs, idiot?

I love her and still will for a while, but dude if she's going down the hoe trailer trash path then I'm bouncing.. It hurts a lot already, but she says she doesn't want to get married or love anyone for a good 5-10 years.. Like she really has that kind of power. Man I wish a d*ke would punch her in the face and snap her out of it. EVERYONE but her sees how much she loved and cared. That doesn't stop in a day. Sorry.

Well, it's time to move on and figure out what to do with my life. Can't believe this sh** sometimes. Really. Just. Can't.

She's so messed up in the head lately.. There's only two routes now for her life. She h**s around for a couple years and realizes it's not what she wants and gets back into serious dating. Or, she becomes a complete trailer trash h** and ruins her life and my sons. This could be dangerous for them both.

If she plans to have instability in his life like that should I tell her to skip coming down for the contract for custody and tell her to wait for court? If I get full custody I can move where I have family and job opportunities.

So...

I may get a raise in the near future.. and I am finally almost caught up completely.

Sorry at this random letter.. 3 am and I'm tired as hell

VENTING.. Sorry..

Breaking down while I write this.. for many reasons..

I understand her needing to grow up, but now she's claiming we never existed as a happy loving couple even though just days prior she said we were the greatest feeling ever. It hurts to hear her deny it.. really bad.

I can handle not being together right now.. It's not being the old couple loving and caring for each other to the end that we always wanted that hurts. It's the fact she's made herself believe we were nothing special.

Everyone else sees it and she used to. I don't get why she denies it. I don't understand what's happened since she went to live with her mom. I just know I hurt so bad by all of this.

I don't get how we loved so hard for 2 and a half years.. only for her to deny it. Is this a phase or what? I have albums after albums of our memories and that show how happy we were and how much was cared for one another. I have a son that's living proof we were willing to not care about others' thoughts and have the son we both always wanted together with each other.

I feel so insane and alone and confused. I don't know who's the messed up one anymore. My life has just fallen apart. My past 2 and a half years has been made to appear like it never existed.

She said just two days ago she would want to try things if I showed her a change. Now what the hell happened in 2 days other then my busting my a$$ for the past 5 weeks trying to show her. I lost weeks of sleep, a significant amount of body weight for my current size, my mind, friends, and family all in the name of trying to give make our lives happier again.

I'm going to push on.. I'm afraid of what life has in store for me next, though. I'm afraid to care about anyone else again. Afraid to continue living thinking it's all a lie. She's done a number on my life and soul.

Loving one minute.. evil and spiteful the next. There's not even a reason.

I'm smoking again.. I'm up all night again.. I can't think straight at work to get anything done right. I messed up the same thing twice in 5 minutes at work yesterday right in front of my boss.

I really ponder my existence anymore. Why in a day my life can be ripped from me that easily? Why does the girl who loved me and cared about me and tried for me deny these feelings and denies us the chance to ever try again?

Gtg to work.. other then my son I'm not really sure why. Honestly. Sincerely. No clue.

Im in the same boat as you my man... 3 months later I still ask myself those questions sometime. I was told the last 3 years were a waste of time, pointless, she didn't feel anything towards me (24 hours after telling me she loved me and would never leave).

Bottom line is there is no answer to this man. I don't even think she knows what's going on in her head. All we can do is write it off and forget it as much as it hurts. You say she wants to take the "trailer park ho" route, let her. She made her bed, she can sleep in it. I know EXACTLY how you feel my man. I cleaned my ex up from hard drugs and all that junk, a few weeks ago she's back hanging with the same group of girls who are KNOWN in this town for giving "oral" for whatever drug they need. I hope she hasn't become this, but one can only assume. So the question we pose to ourselves, is why waste any more time and devotion on a person who clearly does not deserve it? It hurts, will hurt for a while, but you have to let your disgust with her take top priority for a bit. Yea she's your sons mother and unfortunately you have to deal with her for life in some way or another, but dude use her actions as a means to just be disgusted with her, and realize you deserve a woman who doesn't pull this kind of crap. Haha dude I wish I could fed ex you a magic pill or something to make this go away, but it doesn't. It gets easier though, and eventually the disgust/anger grows to outweigh wanting her back.

The O guy is right, at some point you get a grip on yourself and stop being distracted by your own feelings due to her antics. They are irrelevant emotional background noise. Made worse by the stress and helplessness you feel in your situation.

That's why working hard to accomplish your own goals (nothing to do with getting her back) Is your medicine for all this goofiness.

Ever think that without her getting pregnant, you would have broken up any way? More likely than not. And no way you really know a person well after on 2 years and you are learning more now about each other than you ever did when you were together.

And you don't like it, so fair enough. When you accept her for who she is, and she you, maybe you let go completely the idea of having a family with her, and get with the idea she is your baby mama, and that's all.

When you get to that point all the emotional side issues won't mean a damn, and you can be at least good parents despite who you are as individuals, who can't get along, for no other reasons than being stubborn, and INCOMPATIBLE.

Hard to build a life that you enjoy, between such people, but you can raise a son well. Just let go of the personal BS, and put the business cap on, and handle it, whatever the situation.

I see what you both are saying.. and well I've been living and working towards the things I've wanted for a while for once. I've finally stopped sidelining myself. I never cared much for myself and never had much growing up so I was OK with skating by.. and that was selfish of me because my family needed me to provide and be there. I've finally been able to use that to push myself for my son.

I'm working all the time now and spending the rest of the time away from here with my son. I'm enjoying every minute of it. I'm the father I've always wanted to be and the dad he deserves.

I'm learning to be myself and laugh, joke around, and be happy in the moment. I no longer stress myself about things to come.. I take it a day at a time.

Stress has always been a major issues in my life. I grew up taking care of my mom and family.. I had to keep my mother from her suicidal tendencies, my sister from doing stupid attention seeking harmful things, watched over my brother when we got put in foster and had to skip school to make sure he didn't get jumped from neighborhood punks, signed over every check from every job from 15-19 to pay the bills because my mother couldn't get her act together, and I just made everything my responsibility. I never had a chance to worry about my own problems and was told by my foster father at the time that the way I was going I'd have a heart attack by 30. It's all I know how to do. I enjoy helping others at my own expense, but it's turned my life into a living hell at the same time. This was the major contributing factor in our arguments and fighting. I'm finally working through it and learning that I can't be everyone's hero and not my own.

I was venting when I wrote the last one.. I just have to get it out somewhere while I sit and try to be strong in front of my son, family, and friends. It relieves stress and calms me down and I apologize for bringing it here for you all to have to read.

I've come to really understand that what she's doing is really sad. I mean the woman has so many insecurities that she befriends people who call her f'd up things. I've also seen that she herself is trying to deal with all of this, and that her way to cope is to deny everything we had. I know we had happiness and love and a great time and that's enough for me to see that I haven't lived a lie for the past 2 and a half years. I'm seeing this isn't all my fault and I can't and shouldn't take all the blame.

We are compatible, but she needs to grow up a little(if she ever does that is). I could probably go to GA and possibly salvage our relationship, but that's not a real solution. The solution (if any) is for her to also have her epiphany (if possible) about what she did wrong and that she wants to fix it too. Until then anything I do is moot. I don't want someone around that's here because I make them.. so any ignorant tactics that I try to apply or work w/e are just that. Not sure why I thought begging and pleading would a) bring her back and b) make this into a real relationship again. If she wants to work on it she knows where to find me.

I don't plan to date really anytime soon because I still have a lot of unresolved personal issues, but I am enjoying the ability to flirt without guilt or disgust in myself. Lol..

Got plans to do some fishing with my buddies and next week hopefully will have this unicorn of mine (the blazer lol) that I haven't managed to get yet. Also got plans to hit up Captain Hiram's (riverfront restaurant, bar, live music, club type thing) next weekend to just unwind and check out some chicks while enjoying a cold one.

I think keeping myself busy has worked and I regret not listening to you and doing it sooner. I still think about her while I work and goof off, but it's usually about how she's doing. I still worry a lot for her even though she's the one doing it to herself. Wish she'd grow up and see what a great girl she can be and her potential. However, this is only thought and it's NOT my problem.

She's throwing this Jay guy in my face which is obvious to anyone around when we talk including her friends.. Not sure why, but I really could care less. It's not my business and I'm not giving her the joy of seeing me hurt or caring about it. I'm done playing those middle school games with her because no matter what I do.. if I react she wins and I fall apart.

I worry a lot about my sons unstable life to come. I wish I could do something on her end to ensure he has a better life, but I can't unfortunately. I plan to show him that his life can still be great and that I'm his father and I love him more then anything in the world. She already doesn't call him or make attempts to get down here quicker. I'm really sickened and appalled that she could do this. I wish his mother could see what she's doing to her own child by not being there 100%.

Some reason still.. late at night.. when there's nothing to do.. and the house is empty.. I get to thinking of her.

I'd like to think I'm still making progress. Is it wrong of me to think of her?

Not at all, and its normal when you are alone. Its what you do with your feelings is what makes the difference.

What most don't realize is that its seldom about the other person, its mostly about you, and how you cope with yourself. That's the whole moral of the story, how well you COPE WITH THE FEELINGS ANY SITUATION IN LIFE BRINGS YOU.

For sure you can look back and see what works and what does not from past experience. That's what most humans do, but sometimes we get side tracked by our emotions, and lose focus.

When you can't sleep, study math, and learn to focus, and the being better at math, will give you a small victory to build on. I can appreciate the need to vent and rant, but positive, proactive ways to achieve your goals is under the category of staying busy, and focused.

Well, it is about her, but you're right about it mostly being about me. I miss the all the little things about her and the laughs and goofyness we shared and how we would do small things to show how much we cared..

I always have this alone feeling when I'm single which is what makes me tend to rush things when I see things going well I suppose. I want to learn from it, but filling this void makes me happy during that time. I don't want to be dependent on others. I guess I've not found anything for the void I spoke of before.

My son makes up most of my feelings, then her, then hobbies etc.. But when she's gone it's just an empty part of me.

Working on myself as far as behavior.. Not sure how to do it for sure, but I'm trying. I want to be more open and less hidden away, less random explosive anger, and I want to learn to let the little things go and not worry about every little thing.

I try to do anything I can to take my mind off her when I'm alone or bored, but I can't think straight enough to study or do anything that requires thought. That's why I've been trying to go to the store or get out of the house at night and come back when I'm ready to crash.

I'm hell bent on this truck still.. The funds should be available next check and I can drive er home that day.. I love working on vehicles so it'll give me yet another labor type task to keep me busy even though it's in "like new" condition. This vehicle will open a world of possibilities to me which is why it's so important.

Got this custody paper still in the brainstorm area and I sent her a copy of what I want it to say and asked her if she wanted to add stuff etc. I haven't heard back from her. Not sure why everyone pins me as the bad guy when she didn't even call last night to talk to him like she promised and hasn't even realistically tried to come down here. I'm pissed, but I'm trying to remain civil.

Any tips on:
How to handle her 'throw it in your face' behavior with these guys she calls and etc etc?
How to deal with her attitude towards me even when I'm being calm and rational and nice?
How do I deal with her when we come face to face? I can't avoid her obviously and I don't want her to sense this weakness because it's just fuel to her fire.

Thanks for all your help and listening and responding @ everyone who did so lol..

You are restless, irritable, and discontent, when your goal is to be cool, calm, and collected, and happy and at peace with yourself. No focus or rhythm. Just out of control emotions, and impulses.

Too much emphasis on her, not nearly enough on you.

That's why I cannot even address the questions you ask, because they are not only irrelevant, but to far away from the real problem. She has absolutely nothing to do with YOUR behavior, only you do. Why can't you see that??

I'm doing the best to get myself under control. I do see that I'm the problem. I don't know how to calm my a$$ down, man. I would have done it a long time ago had I been given the ability to just walk away cleanly.

I cannot just relax with all of these custody issues and all the crap I have to do to get my life back on track. Trust me I've improved 75% on everything I have been able to figure out. I'm only able to figure out the materialistic issues though. I'm working, I have material goals, but I just can't seem to get my personal act together. I make it worse by worrying that I can't even. It's really out of control and it seems there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm not exactly sure how you come to the conclusion you have about me fixating on her. I mean I DO have to deal with her and I want to be civil about it for my son's sake.

Yes, stupidly I still think of her.. I admit it. I know that she won't come back unless she wants to. I understand this. I am going crazy because I still love her and it's not even mutual and I have to deal with it. You know how awkward and sh***y this makes me feel?

I can't just drop my feelings for her and continue about my day like nothing's happened. Dude, I've learned to not listen to her because she's obviously trying to screw with my head.. That's hard enough.. especially when she goes out of her way to try and do it. I don't go trying to find things anymore because I know it'll only hurt and continue the problem.

I'm at a loss as to what the hell I can actually do.. you know? I mean I am all those things you stated. I'm a push away from yet another nervous f'n break down because I can't just remove myself from her permanently.

I do have to control myself around her because otherwise she'll see it bothers me and continue this pushing crap in my face. I HATE IT. I don't like acting in a false manner, yet I have to do it on the phone already. This drags me back 10 steps for every 1 step I make towards being my happy self once again.

I know I'm not in the worst situation possible, but it doesn't change the fact it sucks and I'm stranded in it. I really do feel hopeless and trapped right now and I'm waiting on time to come do it's thing. I have nothing else to count on doing it.

What do I have to be calm, cool, and collected over? I ask with all due respect of course.

I can't even do damage control here because there's nothing left to save. Lost my girl, half of my son's custody, my mind, plenty of friends, and what do I have to show for it? Some retarded little materialistic crap. Stuff I don't even care about personally, it's all for my son. I care about him- that's all I have left until she comes and gets him. Then I just have stuff.

I respectfully ask what you would do in my situation. I'm at a loss. My brain cells are maxed within the first hour of being awake.

You have only been on this forum 12 days, honestly not long enough for the emotional dust to completely settle.

I went back through your OP, but could not get a handle on how long she has been gone so how long is it??

Almost 6 weeks.. so working on 2 months now..

That's not a long time at all. Despite my continued advice, I acknowledge how fresh, and raw your pain must still be and what a difficult time you are going through. At least you can review this thread as the emotional dust settles and the shock has fully worn off.

I suggest some very rigorous physical activities in the early evening to help you sleep at night and start getting some natural rhythm back in your life. That and a good diet, is a start of getting a very balanced routine that will help with your thinking.

Sorry meant almost 7 weeks..

Yeah I want to get to working out, but I'm strapped for cash. I need to at least gain 10lbs of the 20 I lost back by the end of the week. I've been slowly eating better.. This week's going to be a big one..

I don't have anyone here available to help me get out or get passed this.. I have friends here on the property, but they're hella busy all the time..

Got one dude I work with and he's like 60 lol.. He said he's going to try to get me out to this local join down where I used to live next weekend when I attempt to purchase this truck lol..

So far the only thing that diverts my mind is flirting with other girls and even then it's hard not to be a tool and mention the ex. Lol..

I just wish I was an a-hole sometimes lol.. I could just walk away from stuff like this, but it's not who I am unfortunately.

Got work today and I get to take my lunch break far far from here lol.. may even bring a fishing rod. I'm happy about that. I love my friends and a job is a job, but I can't stand being back here alone.. lol.. I can't act calm, cool, or collected here.. I still have all her crap to get rid of which will hopefully be next weekend. One less thing, you know?

I'm sorry for being a giant douche lol.. I REALLY REALLY am trying my best to eliminate things one by one, and I think I'm doing a damn good job of it- just wish it'd go faster. This "time" crap sucks lol.

Anyone got a good chili recipe? Can't be hot unfortunately because my son's got to eat it too..

Rofl.. I've been goofing off and being my goofy self more and more and have been hitting on girls here and there.. No one in particular nor any cares if it goes anywhere. I've really lost my game! LOL.. I hit on this chick at wal-mart.. had my milkshake from mcdonalds with me.. She was smiling and laughing then asked what I got.. and DUDE.. I tell you! I rambled on for like 5-10 minutes about frickin milkshakes. NOT the best way to win a girl over lol. But anyhow, it was only meant for fun, to see where I stand anymore, and to figure out how much confidence I've lost. It wasn't pretty lol..

Yeah it's still semi-fresh which is why I've been worried about how to deal with her when she comes down. I don't want my feelings to jump back and take over more so then they already do when I see her again. It's like a reset. Same with her calls. I cannot just look away and go about my life.

Don't wish you were an ahole... because chicks don't stay with guys who are.

Sounds like you know now that all it takes is time.

Haha sounds like you had your own "swingers" moment with the milkshakes... good though man get back out there and at least mingle. It's not going to be easy... and there will be days tougher than this one I'm sure... but hopefully you have seen that happiness is possible now without her. Keep going!

Man.. I just got home.. Very! Happy!

I've hit on so many hot chicks and it was so mutual with all of them.. and they all loved my son.. AWESOME.

I believe my ex and I would be great if she would grow the F up, but I can't just sit and wait for that to happen because who knows if it ever will. I love her, miss her, but I CAN be happy without her.

I've only thought about her once today and it was for like 5 minutes. I LOVED TODAY. Sucks there will be down days, but as long as I have a good one time to time I'm going to be OK.. I wish today never ended..

Got to spend money on my son and myself.. First time I've been able to do that in a while now.. Got him a little matching board shorts outfit. He's already poured strawberry milk all over it.. pfft.. lol..

My friends and family are finally talking to me again rofl! They all avoided the venting side of me after I did it every call or show up.. I don't blame them.. I'm just happy that I can see my life isn't totally over and who my real friends are..

Rofl @ the swingers thing.. Dude.. it really really really sucked.. I tried way too hard instead of being my normal self which chicks seem to LOVE!. I am doing age checks now LOL.. No more of this immature high school crap. I love that they can be goofy and fun, but I don't have the time or mental space for this drama and idiocy..

I've done well today keeping myself busy.. I have a material goal which puts a lot of my life together.. and now I'm also taking this extra time to learn to cook lol.. I've already burnt a pop-tart today. Not going so well yet lol..

Hey Florida, glad that your putting your son first in your life. As for the break up, time can only heal the wound that you have. You will have some good days and also some bad, but just press forward and try to get your mind into something else. I know when I start thinking about my ex, I just focus on my future and it makes me feel better.

I to have a criminal record from the things I did in the past. But its not stopping me from doing the things that I want to do. It actually motivated me, knowing that I can't get accepted from any job, the only thing I can do is focus on the business I had opened with my best friend. Do what you have to do, and remember your best years is not from the past but IS TO COME.
Keep up your attitude, and never think negative.
if you dont mine, buy this book "the magic of thinking BIG" this will really help you in the situation that you are in at this moment. Good luck!

Man.. I just got home.. Very! Happy!

I've hit on so many hot chicks and it was so mutual with all of them.. and they all loved my son.. AWESOME.

I believe my ex and I would be great if she would grow the F up, but I can't just sit and wait for that to happen because who knows if it ever will. I love her, miss her, but I CAN be happy without her.

I've only thought about her once today and it was for like 5 minutes. I LOVED TODAY. Sucks there will be down days, but as long as I have a good one time to time I'm gonna be ok.. I wish today never ended..

Got to spend money on my son and myself.. First time I've been able to do that in a while now.. Got him a little matching board shorts outfit. He's already poured strawberry milk all over it.. pfft.. lol..

My friends and family are finally talking to me again rofl! They all avoided the venting side of me after I did it every call or show up.. I don't blame em.. I'm just happy that I can see my life isn't totally over and who my real friends are..

Rofl @ the swingers thing.. Dude.. it really really really sucked.. I tried way too hard instead of being my normal self which chicks seem to LOVE!.. I am doing age checks now LOL.. No more of this immature high school crap. I love that they can be goofy and fun, but I don't have the time or mental space for this drama and idiocy..

I've done well today keeping myself busy.. I have a material goal which puts a lot of my life together.. and now I'm also taking this extra time to learn to cook lol.. I've already burnt a pop-tart today. Not going so well yet lol..

And that's what its about man! Haha knew you had it in you... just keeping focusing on your future and the positives like showme suggests. He helped me a lot in my thread his advice is always sound. It's beautiful up here in Canada right now I can only imagine what its like in Orlando you lucky dog... surrounded by gorgeous chicks!

Thank bruh! I really do feel a little better without talking to her and just enjoying my life. I still fret about her coming down and stuff, but I hardly think of this stuff throughout the day.

I hear she's talking about being bi or something now.. She's just too confused in her own mess.. I worry for her, but it's time I step back and let her deal with her own issues. I try not to over analyze everything.. however, I do occasionally wonder some things.. not for long though lol..

I wish these new positives came a little quicker.. but then again I need to learn to live in the now a little more instead of worrying over what's to come 24/7.

I feel better knowing almost everything in my life (with the exception of some things.. ) is in my control. I can change so many variables..

So how goes your adventures, Original? How did the Services meeting go? How's the single life treating you?

Yeah man.. if you're ever in Florida hit me up dude.. I'll take you to some pretty fly spots to meet girls lol.. Canada won't let me in lol.. I'm a felon. I thought about visiting Canada this summer, too! My old Kansas roomies moved to North Dakota when I moved here and we're talking about me flying up for the 4th of July and driving 3 hours north to Canada if they let me in.. Lol. Where bouts are you?

Seriously, could have got hella numbers this past week lol.. If I do ever hook up I'm going to keep it on the down low for now.. I Don't need more things to keep her nagging me on. Letting the emotional dust settle on this one first lol..

Outlook is bright.. Just got to keep finding ways to keep faith in letting whatever happens.. happen.

Truck's not going to happen till mid week next week or the end of next week.. Works out perfect because I can see some friends and have a little extra money to spend etc.. I'm down on it, but it's no biggy..

Real question.
If the opportunity presents itself.. would it be stupid to go on a date while I still have feelings for the ex? Will this harm any progress I've made?

I know what you're thinking.. that I'm not relaxing and going with the flow.. I VERY MUCH AM.. but how am I to know what it'll end up doing to me? I'm asking others who have experience in dating after a break up. Besides, it'd be more of a confidence building thing I believe.

Thank bruh! I really do feel a little better without talking to her and just enjoying my life. I still fret about her coming down and stuff, but I hardly think of this stuff throughout the day.

I hear she's talking about being bi or something now.. She's just too confused in her own mess.. I worry for her, but it's time I step back and let her deal with her own issues. I try not to over analyze everything.. however, I do occasionally wonder some things.. not for long though lol..

I wish these new positives came a little quicker.. but then again I need to learn to live in the now a little more instead of worrying over what's to come 24/7.

I feel better knowing almost everything in my life (with the exception of some things..) is in my control. I can change so many variables..

So how goes your adventures, Original? How did the Services meeting go? How's the single life treating ya?

Yeah man.. if you're ever in Florida hit me up dude.. I'll take you to some pretty fly spots to meet girls lol.. Canada won't let me in lol.. I'm a felon. I thought about visiting Canada this summer, too! My old Kansas roomies moved to North Dakota when I moved here and we're talking about me flying up for the 4th of July and driving 3 hours north to Canada if they let me in.. lol. Where bouts are ya?

Seriously, could of got hella numbers this past week lol.. If I do ever hook up I'm gonna keep it on the down low for now.. I Don't need more things to keep her nagging me on. Letting the emotional dust settle on this one first lol..

Outlook is bright.. Just gotta keep finding ways to keep faith in letting whatever happens.. happen.

Truck's not gonna happen till mid week next week or the end of next week.. Works out perfect because I can see some friends and have a little extra money to spend etc.. I'm down on it, but it's no biggy..

Real question.
If the opportunity presents itself.. would it be stupid to go on a date while I still have feelings for the ex? Will this harm any progress I've made?

I know what you're thinking.. that I'm not relaxing and going with the flow.. I VERY MUCH AM.. but how am I to know what it'll end up doing to me? I'm asking others who have experience in dating after a break up. Besides, it'd be more of a confidence building thing I believe.


Hey man
Talking about being bi? She must be confused... let her do her thing though... only one that can figure out her issues is her as much as it sucks.

The service thing went all right man, thanks for asking. It was just a medical, more or less like going for a check up at the doctors, but I passed, and am now waiting for a phone call for an interview (cant happen soon enough lol). Single life is OK... I enjoy hanging out with my friends and having no responsibilities towards women... a few have actually expressed interest in me but I'm not even close to interested in anything yet. Plus I find that these girls get upset whenever I don't "text" or call them back right away... dont need that noise right now. I still think of my ex a couple times through out the day... still miss her. But I'm staying strong... have been in NC again for 1 week now so now the goal is 2 weeks.

I live in southern ontario... closes border I believe is Niagra Falls, NY... if you end up coming down though keep my posted we will grab a beer.

I would say don't date quite yet... its not fair to the other girl... it is a real confidence boost just to know that other girls are interested though. I know when new girls around here were telling me they were interested I just ended up comparing them to my ex and no one has quite measured up yet... probably a sign that I'm still not ready. But you are your own man... if you feel you are ready than do it! Life is to short to regret anything at this point right? I have to jet to work but I think I'm going to update my thread tonight, been doing OK lately. Take care man let me know if you take a date!

It hurts.. and I had to break NC today technically to tell her to call her son and to pick a date to come down and actually stick to it. Ridiculous. Lol.. But, I did type a message on the bottom telling her I've stopped trying.. here.. have a read..

call your son.. I'll try to figure out a nap schedule for him so you know when you can call.. You need to pick a date and actually come down on it. (This is where I'm telling her I've had enough.. This is effecting my own life because I don't know when I'll need to set aside time and money or get these papers drawn up.. she hasn't even spoke a word of custody yet.. I'm quite ticked.. These games do not need to be played with our son.. Even if it makes her hate me more then she already does lol.. )

I'll stop trying to fix us and leave it alone now.. I can see you don't wanna be with me for one reason or another.. Nothing I can do to make you change your mind no matter how hard I try.. I'll always love you.. more then just the mother of my son.. as I know deep down you feel toward me.

This was not only to show that she's being stupid about custody and her son, but also a sort of farewell. This was my final peace.

Glad to hear the medical went well, bruh! I hope you get that call man. I feel you on trying to be patient while going through so much. Yeah dude, it's really nice to not have to get second opinions on EVERYTHING nor worry about where you look or what you say to someone else.. LOL man every woman seems to get pissy when you don't call or text. Not sure why.. but you're right.. You have so many things going on in your life why add another stress cause? Unless of course you find "the one" LOL. Yeah.. we suck LOL.. Sorry you still think of her man, just take this opportunity to hit on those girls.. you'll stop thinking of her, and you'll be doing your confidence some justice.. That'll even carry over to the Services. I have turned down a clear opportunity to get numbers as I'm sure you have. That shows everything doesn't have to be serious- It doesn't even have to leave that moment. It's a good feeling man and it hurts no one and is completely innocent, but do it when you're ready of course. Grats! @ week 1.. Hopefully she's run out of appliance ideas to call about.. You got week 2 down no problems I bet, dude. I gots faith in you!

Haha.. My friends here are from that area of NY.. Maybe one day I'll find myself there at the north pole : /

Well.. I'm not out to date anyone, get a number, or anything of the sort. Yet. Lol.. I've been building confidence is all so far and I think I may nab a couple numbers sometimes because I need friends around here to chill with lol.. The hotter the better.. Nah, I'm just looking for people to chill with when my son's not around.. I'll post here if I do decide to cross that line.

Dude don't compare.. I know everyone does it naturally, but just remember.. THEY are talking to YOU.. They're already better lol.. They want to be around you.. not push you away.. But, I understand the whole love stuck thing..

Where'd your avatar pic go, OG?

My son just farted and I heard it bubble.. On that note.. I'm going to go.. and spray my house & son down with bleach..

It hurts.. and I had to break NC today technically to tell her to call her son and to pick a date to come down and actually stick to it. Ridiculous. lol.. But, I did type a message on the bottom telling her I've stopped trying.. here.. have a read..

call your son.. I'll try to figure out a nap schedule for him so you know when you can call.. You need to pick a date and actually come down on it. (This is where I'm telling her I've had enough.. This is effecting my own life because I don't know when I'll need to set aside time and money or get these papers drawn up.. she hasn't even spoke a word of custody yet.. I'm quite ticked.. These games do not need to be played with our son.. Even if it makes her hate me more then she already does lol.. )

I'll stop trying to fix us and leave it alone now.. I can see you don't wanna be with me for one reason or another.. Nothing I can do to make you change your mind no matter how hard I try.. I'll always love you.. more then just the mother of my son.. as I know deep down you feel toward me.

This was not only to show that she's being stupid about custody and her son, but also a sort of farewell. This was my final peace.

Glad to hear the medical went well, bruh! I hope you get that call man. I feel ya on trying to be patient while going through so much. Yeah dude, it's really nice to not have to get second opinions on EVERYTHING nor worry about where you look or what you say to someone else.. LOL man every woman seems to get pissy when you don't call or text. Not sure why.. but you're right.. You have so many things going on in your life why add another stress cause? Unless of course you find "the one" LOL. Yeah.. we suck LOL.. Sorry you still think of her man, just take this opportunity to hit on those girls.. you'll stop thinking of her, and you'll be doing your confidence some justice.. That'll even carry over to the Services. I have turned down a clear opportunity to get numbers as I'm sure you have. That shows everything doesn't have to be serious- It doesn't even have to leave that moment. It's a good feeling man and it hurts no one and is completely innocent, but do it when you're ready of course. Grats! @ week 1.. Hopefully she's run out of appliance ideas to call about.. You got week 2 down no problems I bet, dude. I gots faith in ya!

haha.. My friends here are from that area of NY.. Maybe one day I'll find myself there at the north pole : /

Well.. I'm not out to date anyone, get a number, or anything of the sort. Yet. lol.. I've been building confidence is all so far and I think I may nab a couple numbers sometimes because I need friends around here to chill with lol.. The hotter the better.. Nah, I'm just looking for people to chill with when my son's not around.. I'll post here if I do decide to cross that line.

Dude don't compare.. I know everyone does it naturally, but just remember.. THEY are talking to YOU.. They're already better lol.. They want to be around you.. not push you away.. But, I understand the whole love stuck thing..

Where'd your avatar pic go, OG?

My son just farted and I heard it bubble.. On that note.. I'm gonna go.. and spray my house & son down with bleach..

Hey man
Glad you made your final peace... now say no more to her about anything to do with "you guys". Let her sleep in the bed she made so to speak.

I took away the avatar pic on the off chance someone who knows me stumbles upon this site... I know I have friends around while I've been on here in the past so it just avoids them reading anything I may not have wanted them to read. Sounds paranoid... but I donno lol.

Yea I know I got week two down no problem... still minor annoyances though. Her parents came into my work today while I was working... I don't like how they do that anymore. Work is like my one escape where I don't think about her for a good 6-8 hours... and them showing up screws that up. Whatever though... I handled it well and was polite and brief with them.

Haha @ north pole... its actually beautiful these days round here... 20 degrees celsius every day!

You sound like your having a great time with your son... thats the best thing you could do. He sounds like quite the funny little guy... you must be proud... teach him well haha.

Its funny what you say about finding "the one"... I always have a gut feeling that says to me whether a girl is worth the trouble or not... and so far no one is... and in my life only 3 girls have been worth it (long term)... but if history is any indicator another one will come around at some point so I just patiently await that day.

On that note... im going to stuff myself full of pizza! Glad to hear your doing well... and remember... this is where you can succeed where so many of us have failed... no more to your ex about you guys... she doesn't deserve it now.

Yeah, that was my goodbye man.. I can't destroy myself over what she does any longer.. I'm getting happier every day.. I'm not going to be dragged back to hell..

I feel you man.. I may do the same rofl.. In fact.. yeah I'm going to toss mine.. Never thought about that.. Crap..

That's BS @ her parents.. That's so blatant, but I'm sure it was them wondering how you were.. Good job @ polite and brief.. It seems that it's not about avoidance, but rather about how you deal and cope with a given situation regardless. That's your new strength there, bruh.. Playing it cool will always win.

20C is like less then 60F isn't it? Are you on crack? I'd freeze dude lol...

He's very intelligent and has the best little personality of anyone I've ever met.. lol. He already does quite well with the ladies.. Very proud! Lol..

I know what you mean, bruh.. I get that same feeling. You just know who you clash with or who you mix well with.. Not sure what it is.. And yes.. your one will come along and make all this crap just disappear. You're a good guy from what I've seen and like you say.. a-holes never keep the girls..

Man I just made my chili finally.. Been waiting to make it all week long.. OMG it's good.. Now I want pizza.. thanks dude..

Wurd. No more ex.

Vent... again...

Man, learning to cope with not having an ex sucks.. lol.. but knowing you have to cope with seeing them every three weeks and talk to them on the phone every few days.. that's the hard part for me..

I ran into this:
YouTube - Pray for You - Jaron and The Long Road to Love :: Official Video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA)

Found it rather funny.. lol.. Thought I'd share it..

Turns out that blazer I had lined up may be sold. The job I had lined up is canceled due to no permitting in the gulf area from the oil spill. No clue when she's coming for custody arrangements. I'm just not diggin where my future's headed currently.

I can tell I'm hurting when I'm single and not even trying to sleep with anyone.. : /

Had a dream about her last night.. brought back a flood of thoughts today..

Yeah. I grabbed a pack-o-smokes last night.. Sucks..

Lots of self-pitty here, but I do have it.. and I can't allow her to see it..

Starting to think I have a fear of being alone.

Also thinking this has left me feeling pretty insecure.

Beginning to wonder if her and I were right.. I've noticed how I talk to other women and how I talk to her.. and it's different. Not sure if it's because I got too comfortable with her or what.

I removed her from the social sites, but tonight I finally got the courage to block her as well..

I know it's immature to say, but I want her to feel guilt and I feel like if she doesn't want all of me.. then she shouldn't get any of me. Not quite sure how that's going to play out due to custody. I think deep down she knows she'll never lose me (which used to really get to her when I told her that I'm not friends with exs) because I'll always have to be around her.

Sometimes I want to give up and walk away, but I love my son way too much for that. Such a crap feeling. A trapped feeling.. Even if it is my own fault for the emotions I deal with. I don't want to be around for the custody swaps when I have to meet whatever guy she introduces me to before introducing our son to them, but at the same time I do of course want to know who my son's around.

Is it wrong to believe in her and still see her good side through all this crap she's doing now? She's fronting and getting attention, but I know she still cares and she doesn't deny caring. She's really this amazing girl when she's being herself. I don't believe anyone can change that drastically in 2 months.

Yeah, I'm dumb. I know. Still NC. Still fronting like I'm stronger. Time will tell.. unfortunately I'm counting every minute of it..

So..
I think I loved the ex, but I wasn't really in-love with her.. She's a great girl usually, however, we just didn't click all the time. We got comfortable and we both just sat there and did nothing about it. I think we both are so much alike, and I think we need to be with someone like us but unique, you know? We needed a balance of personalities I guess to say.. I don't think we'll ever have a future together as a couple.. So it's time to just be civil about our son and go about our lives.

Well, I've been talking to this one chick off and on.. and.. I've got to say.. I ALREADY click with her more then I did with the ex lol.. Pretty sad eh? She's smart, hella hot, goofs off but is still mature about serious things, and she has this little ego thing about her I really dig.. lol.. Unfortunately she's the same age as my ex.. So.. I duno if that means anything. She already digs my son lol.. And, while I like her, I think more about how this shows that there are many women more suitable out there and that my ex and I weren't that great to begin with. I'm definitely still single and keeping my options open, though. Lol..

I spoke to the ex today about custody.. Apparently she's back down here.. She tried to get moody.. which just made me smile as I calmly told her I wasn't going to fight with her anymore about any of this- that we can sit down and discuss this as adults and be fair about it. She got the message and I put our son on the phone so they could talk etc.. Told her Happy Mother's Day and left it at that. Feels good to not have a knot in my stomach when we talk. I just didn't care lol.. I have my responsibilities taken care of so it's all good here..

I've been doing some career searching.. I found a few things I think I might like doing.. Although, I'm not exactly sure I can do some of them.. I've got: Electrician, X-Ray Technician, Network Admin, Electrical Engineer, and more in mind. I've been researching them one by one thoroughly to see if the felony will harm my chances or if it's stable and something I enjoy..

Life is good today.

The best research to do is call and ask if they accept felons, and if you qualify for financial assistance. AND if they have placement services upon graduation. That's a biggie!

Hey, thanks for the advice, Tal.. You've been MIA for a bit here : p lol.. Understandable though lol..

I've tried to call the certification boards, but no answer and I even left a voicemail. I'll keep trying though. I want something stable and for that something to be something I don't dread EVERY day.. lol.. you know? This job is a job.. Not a bad job, but it's not for me.

I wish I could find a position that I could work while schooling. I really would like to jump head first into this when I make that initial leap. I want to make it do or die. I thrive best in that mode. Plus the experience I'll have gotten will make me a more valuable asset if I decide to leave said placement position.

The ex is already asking if I "found someone". I didn't even give her the gratification of a real answer nor did I bother asking her if she found anyone. She started talking about wanting to do schooling for something or another. I told her I wished her luck and that I'll have to figure out when I can arrange for her stuff to be dropped off and custody papers to be signed. That's all I cared to say really..

This other girl and I still talk.. every night pretty much. I'll give her the honorary 'forum name' of Mary. She talks about things I like hearing(her interests etc).. and she likes that I'm goofy with words, but a deep thinker still. Mary's a 180 from my last. She's a sophisticated goofball almost lol. She has morals and knows boundaries and accepts them. She wants to date, but I've expressed my desire to leave options open and just go slow and she agrees with me. I let her talk to my son every other call or so and they both LOVE it lol.. He actually threw a tantrum when I took the phone today.. He doesn't even do that with his mom. I keep it honest and I tell her how it is and I've let it be known that I'm stuck to my ex for life in a parenting sense. She's good with it all.. lol.. A dating life DOES exist when you're a single father after all lol..

I actually have good days now.. Only bad ones are when I'm bored.. I hope to fill that with school soon.. Looking for a new job as well.. Out with the old memories.. in with the new.. : )

Night all.

That's really great to hear...

All the best and keep up the good work... you'll be fine in no-time...

Goodnight.

Thanks!

I'm actually doing better then fine! I'm doing F'ING fantastic..

I had a wild wild wild night last night.

I got a knock on my door at random- it was my buddy. He told me I have an hour and a half to get ready. I was like.. "dude.. it's my day off.. leave me alone.." lol. He got me a job! I'll be starting next week sometime I believe. I'll be making what I used to make per month.. in a week. DUDE. I'm moving! I got a job! And...

I finally got the custody issue over with for now. We signed a little contract type deal and in 3 weeks we're going to see a paralegal to have an actual copy put into the legal system!

I miss my little buddy. Only been a day and I'm pretty down. All the little things he used to do that kind of rattled my nerves.. I miss those even. It's not the same. : /

LOL Oh, and I was also stopped while walking about town (I had to travel like 4 hours to sign paperwork and do the drug test so I was out of town) by my ex's old Best Friend! LOL.. They don't talk much anymore, but.. holy.. hell.. is she hot. She and I drove around a little catching up. She's recently single, I made her laugh, flirted a bit, and got her number. I'm not sure what I should do with this, if anything? I want to remain civil with the ex, but DUDE this chick is on fire! She works two jobs and is going to school. She's also looking for a roommate, and what a coincidence, so am I. : p

The other girl is awesome. I still talk to her a lot! She's really down that I keep options open, but she's still cool with it. If she'd come and go to school down here I'd be all about it, but I just don't need to deal with the stress of a long distance thing. My plate is currently FULL.

I also got to see my Uncle last night. This guy has been like my father figure since I was really young. I haven't seen him in nearly 3 years. We spent some time catching up and talked about a family reunion we have coming up and that we could ride together. I've been ashamed that my life hasn't gone anywhere and I don't like feeling like a disappointment around him. I'm glad I put my pride aside for once and got to see him. He was actually WAY more positive about me then I was!

After 23 years.. I finally feel like my life is coming together. I was so sick of it always going down hill, being screwed hourly by life, and being depressed. It just never seemed to look up for me. I fell further then rock bottom. I've actually had tears(I'm not gay, OK? Lol it was only for like 1 second) of happiness.. knowing my life isn't done for.. Knowing that everyone and everything in my life doesn't always have to be against me. I know you probably don't understand why it's such a big thing to me, but even my friends call me the most unlucky guy they've ever met lol..

Last night was what I needed. I hope I see these days more often.

Hearing all that, it sounds like you are getting your life on track. That's great...

My recommendation is to take it slow with this smoking hot girl... take your time... be friends... and then see how it goes. I'm thinking you still need time to heal and time to yourself..

Congrats on the job... sounds like you will be rolling in it. Basically, good to hear its all going well for you and I hope it keeps going that way.

Haha congrats man! Nothing like a little bit of extra $$ and good news after a crappy period. Glad to hear things are looking up. Glad to hear you took the time to catch up with your uncle... its amazing the things women can cause us to neglect eh? Keep it up man you have so much more happiness ahead... sounds like you already know this though :D

OMIgosh! Is there hope??

Thanks y'all..

I've sat here and done a lot of thinking.. Son's with his mother right now so it's really empty and quiet..

I think I have issues..

This alone feeling has consumed me.. and when I stop to think about it, it's always been that way..

It's not about any girl or anyone/anything in particular..

But, I have also had this problem since I moved out of my parents house when I was 19.. This problem is pushing away people who care about me. An actual feeling like I'm supposed to be alone.. like I'm supposed to not be loved. I hate it yet it's when I'm most comfortable. Torn inside, but at peace.

I don't even know what the hell this is, but as you can tell it's a catch 22. I want a family and people I care about and to care about me as well.. I just don't let them..

People who were there for me during the ex issue I pushed away.. Girls who take interest lately are great until I get to know them on a personal level.

I'm so happy lately I really just don't understand it.. I've finally gotten to be myself again.. I hang out with friends and talk to people.. I get out of the house.. I just always feel like something's not quite right.. or missing even..

That one girl and I are getting really interested in one another.. and when she attempts to move forward I push her back.. Now she's not even been calling or texting throughout the day as she used to.. Think I've pretty well f'd this one up haha.. And, it's not even about her.. If I don't fix this problem I'll be doomed to repeat this cycle for life..

Girls who take interest lately are great until I get to know them on a personal level.
What you can't be friends and enjoy it?? Must be looking for something else from them, or you still have a bad taste in your mouth. "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with". Good practice for when your with the one you love.


I just always feel like something's not quite right.. or missing even..
You miss the family thing!


And, it's not even about her.. If I don't fix this problem I'll be doomed to repeat this cycle for life..
Light bulb goes on!!

I'm not sure why all the sudden I've ended my ability or want to make friends..

Good point, though. I guess it's me pressuring everything to be something serious or meaningful, but why?

I miss the family thing more then anyone will ever know.

Maybe that's the answer to my own question.

Haha.. Yeah.. the light bulb goes on, but it doesn't resolve it.

I've definitely gotten a little more bitter towards the relationship idea since the ex. It left me a bit insecure I suppose. I have this thought that every girl must have a hidden agenda, and the fact I can read people fairly well intensifies these feelings when I see someone displaying subtle negative things whether it's actual words, way they're said, movements they make, things they do, or changes they make. I turn it all into something negative then I play off that.

In all reality they are negative actions on their part, but that's due to the way I've been acting I guess.. It's kind of funny when you pick up on these things you know exist, but the person themselves do not know about it and deny it. It always shows in later actions, though.

For instance this girl(only an example of what I've been doing lately). She and I would talk every night for like the past week for 3 hours or so then she'd call during breaks and email me etc. Well, she was wondering why I still had my options open, and I guess when I still said I wanted them open (but that I also was really into her) I pushed her back instead of just letting whatever happens happen. She really likes me and I can tell. Well, probably past tense at this point. But, the past few days she hasn't said or done much with the exception of cute little texts she does every now and then. Her schedule has remained the same. I read this as "You messed up.. I've lost interest". Which it probably is. However, for it to have been that quick, I believe something went wrong really quick.

So it shows that things aren't normal here with the way I've been handling friendships, dates, etc. I definitely do not have myself under control.. That's for sure..

She said today she wants to close our options as far as looking for other people, but wants nothing official until we see how this goes.. Sounds great to me! Exactly what I've asked for!. If only I could shut myself up and stop thinking for a day or so.

Perceptiveness is a gift and a tragedy.

My brain never shuts up. Haha..

She is interested in dating exclusively. Bit to soon for that, but she is clearly interested.


Haha.. Yeah.. the light bulb goes on, but it doesn't resolve it.

But you are making progress mentally as seeing the problem is half the battle in finding a solution. It will come, don't worry. Patience and a regular dose of a good nights sleep. Hmm another problem to be solved.

Lol Thanks, Tal..

What do you mean @ too soon? Good to hear someone agree that she's interested.. Just need to remember to be myself and not let my own thoughts bug me..

Yeah I definitely need to sleep more.. that'll come once I get this job started..

God I hate killing so much time waiting for my call for this job..

What's a good way to relax and take the edge off before I talk to someone? People like me when I'm myself, but I hear a change in tone when I'm being this paranoid retard lol..

I like her.. She keeps me on my feet which has solved my taking things for granted part that I did with the former girlfriend.. lol.. But, she definitely lets me know she digs me which is cool.

I'm so close, Tal... Seriously.. like almost a normal person lol.. I can initiate and hold a conversation once again, but after so long I get to this.. bleh part.. like, I stop being interesting or taking interest.

I've almost filled my phone's memory with numbers already.. I just fear talking to some of them because I dun want to bore them to death lol..

Hot shower after a brisk walk, after dinner, two aspirin(?). And hit the sack. Nothing like a good nights sleep to recharge the batteries, just don't over eat.

Works for me.

Sounds like a plan, my man..

I'll try to sleep a whole night tonight.. Do a little working out before work.. Take a walk or go fishing..

What's aspirin the for? Lol

Pfft @ over eat.. I'm doing that on purpose at the moment..

So, this update comes with good and bad news, but more importantly how I've learned that I wish to embrace both the good and bad things and continue living my life for the times to come and not for the things which I cannot fix and that have always brought me down.

I found out I have to re-take this drug test. No, I don't do drugs lol.. I failed because I flushed the toilet out of habit and washed my hands.. odd, eh? Haha I had to laugh a little. However, I also got news that my friend's friend (our connection to this job and the reason for our direct hire-on) is no longer with the company and there may no longer be a job to be had.

I've decided that.. it doesn't matter whether I get this job. If I don't I'll still be alive the next day and I have to take it from there. I have decided that if this doesn't pan out I'll continue job hunting, but also will enroll in classes.

I think I want to be an X-ray technician. Yes, I know it's a rough choice for a felon, but if I don't take this chance to do what I want with my life.. then what's the purpose of living? I want to live.

Well, haha.. I've decided to cut back on my downtime. I'll pop on here time to time and see if any of my experience can be used to help others who are in need of that peace of mind that I was able to achieve through guidance of the awesome users of AMHD. I consider these strangers my friends.. Thank y'all for helping me see there are brighter days to come no matter the circumstances. It means a lot to me. You truly do have direct/indirect impact on the lives of those you advise! Wish I could buy you all a couple rounds haha..

(Redundant a bit from here)
I have made up my mind as of tonight.. that.. I don't want to sit and waste anymore of my time thinking of yesterday when I have tomorrow to look forward to. I don't wish to dwell any longer on past memories.. I want to make new ones. I love memories.. The more the better.. I want to look back and tell my son the stories of his father, and for him to learn to do the same with his future children.. Life's a big story.. You get to choose your ending.. That's the best kind.

I'm going to spend my days being a father and a happy man.. I hope to make new friends and spend time with my already existing ones.. Catching up with all of those who I left behind.. I really miss a lot of them. They've started new careers, had children, gotten married, moved to the other side of the world.. It's amazing how fast time flew by..

Unfortunately some have had it rough.. This news tore me up pretty bad, and I feel like I got to get it out somewhere.. One of my past, well, I duno what to label it as.. She just informed me tonight she has the telling signs of possible cancer and they're monitoring her to see if it changes(possible surgery to prevent it).. I just want to go spend all the time I can with her.. She means A LOT to me. One of my best friends. I just want to be there for her. I'm terrified for her.. I can only imagine what she's going through. She has a kid as well. She's such a good person. Weird getting that kind of call.. /end venting

I hope to find myself in some sort of schooling program regardless of this job, but sooner if it doesn't go through. It's my turn for a college life : p

I want to be my son's example of a strong man. A man who knows what he wants, and who understands that sometimes things don't work out as you had planned, but that life is all about rolling with the punches.. It's about being happy just living and having the chance to be around those you enjoy being around and loving.

The point of this rambling is that I want to rejoin the world. More so then just hitting on chicks haha.. I just want to have a good time and laugh more often..

As for y'alls advice.. I'll definitely pay it forward! I've already helped a handful of friends facing similar circumstances.. They too were glad to have that moral support.. I love seeing my friends smile more then anything..

I'll update time to time as well : )

Very inspirational post... another AMHD success story I think.

Your emotional dust is settling, and that's great. I only want you to succeed in finding your own happiness, no matter what life throws at you.

It does feel good to see a friend making good progress, as no matter what happens, it does get better.

Well, I'll update again.. lol..

So since I last was on I quit my old job and have been working construction since.. Finally on my way to stabilization.. It's OK.. Definitely not a career, but it pays the bills for now..

My ex decided to finally tell me she did sleep with that guy in GA.. Things were going well custody wise for a few months, but she decided that I worked too much so she'd just take him and move back to GA and not let me see him or talk to him. She told me she was going for full custody and hasn't answered the phone in about a month now. Worried sick over my son. It's not the best environment by far. Cops won't due anything due to it being a civil case and because there was no actual legal case, we just agreed out of mutual respect and love for our son. Boy, am I an idiot.

I've dated several women, but it was more about making friends and having fun. I regret none of them. Every woman has an interesting personality and a unique character.. I was happy to get to know such people, and to see that they're not all insane haha..

Still struggling to figure out who I am sometimes. I think that's my major fall back. I have no clue what I want or like or where I want my life to go. I'm not trying to label myself, but it'd be nice to have an idea on what kind of guy I am. Lol.. I think I'm catching on though..

I'm just learning how to smile and not over think everything. "keep it simple, stupid" sort of thing lol.. Gotten rough in life lately. I'm definitely being tested for what I've learned. Got to roll with the punches. My son being gone, working too many hours to have a life, mom and good friend have just been confirmed with cancer diagnosis', and being alone away from friends and family. Trying to keep my head clear is nearly impossible, but so far I'm managing..

It's been a really wicked few months lol.. Rediscovering myself and the world around. I was down and out so long that it's all so new to me.. It's a daily adventure, and I'm glad to be on it. I finally almost feel like a normal person rofl...

Well, I have two days left to kill this weekend.. Take care, y'all..
- Joe