Hello,

I met this girl I used to date in high school on Facebook. She pursued me. We had a date
at her home, and she told me stuff she has never told anybody. It felt like we were growing closer together. Later in the week I would send her emails, and sometimes she wouldn't respond until 3 days later. Well, I asked her out for another date, and didn't get any response. I got mad, sent her an email that said, I'm not sure what is going on in your life, so I'm going to back away and let you deal with it. You can email or call me if you need to. But, then I left her a harsh voicemail message because I was mad. I told her that I'm getting ready to put her in the "i'm not going to say it" category.



Here's the actual email I sent, and her response is below it

So, we can't be friends either?

Inbox X

Reply
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show details Apr 15 (2 days ago)


So what did I do now? You were answering my emails, and now
there are still two that you haven't answered. I wanted to know
if you wanted to see me Fri. night. We could have a good time
together just like we did last weekend. If you are not interested
just let me know, don't just leave me hanging in the air.

And, If you want me to stop calling you, emailing you or just leave
you alone, let me know.

It's a shame that we can't be friends. What did I ever do to make you
not want to be my friend anymore. I'm hurt, that this hasn't worked
out. I cared about you, and was going to enjoy spending time with
a woman for a change.

I'm not a fan of the silent treatment. I think you should at least let me
know you aren't interested, if that's the case. Don't you have any respect
for the way that I feel?

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to me

show details Apr 16 (2 days ago)

I have not been on the ing computer since Tuesday night for the love of God. What the hell is wrong with you? In 24 hours you call me and write me the craziest communications I have ever received. Good luck on Match whatever. I don't stay home alone. After this, no, I don't want to see from you or hear from you. You are too demanding and I owe you no explanation. I told you I was having a bad week. You have never been married or had a child to even be able to comprehend things in my life. And I don't know you well enough to share intimite details of what is going on now. You did ALL of this less than 24 hours! When you called last night I was in bed asleep. It was 10:45 at night for God sake. I have a child. This is just crazy. No, I'm sorry, we can't be friends. I tried to be compassionate with you and it's not enough. I am busy all weekend and I have Ethan today. You are so out of touch with the world staying in the house all of the time playing on your computer. You and you alone destroyed this "friendship" to me when you sent those e-mails and left those crazy messages. This is the consequence. Remember one thing: For every action there's is a reaction and consequence. You don't threaten someone with friendship because they don't drop and do things when you want them to. My son heard those crazy messages this morning! I was compassionate toward you, I even gave you money because I felt like you needed it more than I did. I'm going through a divorce.

And... if you post ANYTHING about me on FB, I will have you removed. I don't play that game. I am a nice person. But at some point, you have to draw a line. And I won't apologize for that.


Here's the email I sent apologizing:

Stephanie, this wasn't meant to be an ultimatum. I'm sorry if it came across that way.
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show details Apr 16 (1 day ago)


I did this because I care about you. I wouldn't spend
my time writing you emails if I didn't. I wouldn't offer
to let you talk to me about your problems. I wouldn't
have told you I wanted us to see each other again
If I didn't care. I have asked you how your teeth are
doing, how your getting along after letting Ethan go
see his Dad. I have talked about letting Ethan come
over here and play. I took out part of my day to send
those emails, and I didn't mind it. And, I hugged you
the first time time I saw you, and let you cry on my
shoulder.

All I wanted to do was make your life better.

Don't throw all that away over a misunderstanding. We
could have fun together. We can share our problems
with each other. I finally get how busy you are, and that
I shouldn't assume if I can't get in touch with you right
away, especially 24 hrs.

I made a mistake. I'm truly sorry. The email wasn't
meant to be an ultimatum. I wasn't sure what was
going on in your life besides the obvious problems.
And, that I was going to let you have the time you
needed to deal with it. To do that I was going to stop
sending emails and calling you. In case you were
getting tired of me sending you emails all the time, I
wanted to let you know I was going to stop doing that.

I didn't mean to upset you. That's why I apologized for
sending the emails and the voice mail. In case I had the
wrong idea. I certainly didn't think I was going to cause
you not to be friends with me. That's not what I wanted
to happen at all. It just seemed that you weren't answering
my emails. I was trying to stay in touch with you because
I care about you. I was confused. In some ways it did seem
like you cared about me too. But, then I didn't hear from you
after I asked you If you wanted to see me again.

I really do apologize that your son heard those voice mails. I
didn't mean for him to hear that. I thought Kevin had already
picked him up. Also, I certainly would not post anything bad
about you on Facebook or say anything about the secrets
that you told me. I would never do that because I care about
you. And, I wanted to even get closer to you, but I didn't have
enough patience.

I didn't mean for the email to be an ultimatum. I was concerned
about you and was going to let you have the time that you
needed to deal with whatever you are dealing with besides
the obvious problems that you have told me about.

I didn't want things to turn out this way at all. I hope that you
will please forgive me. I made a mistake. We can get past this.
People have disagreements in friendship and even marriage. I know
the ground rules now. I know not to get bent out of shape and send
you emails that may be distasteful.

I'm Sorry,


I'm wondering if she will ever accept my forgiveness or talk to me again. I want us to work this out. If we can't work through this, then maybe shouldn't be together anyway. Is she worth worrying about?

Dear Roy, wow. She really told you how it is didn't she?

If I were you I'd get a sensitivity transplant, because your actions and words have been highly insensitive.

I gather you don't know this woman very well, and have only met her a couple of times, so in fact, you have neither a friendship nor a relationship with her.

I think that your words and actions have been bordering on the abusive, and you seem to believe that you have some ownership of this woman, despite the fact that you hardly know her.

These are very large RED flags and are not merely indicative of a 'mistake' on your part. You've responded to a perceived rejection with abuse and have made wild assumptions about the nature of your relationship with her. You sound very unstable.

If I were her, I would not be giving you another chance. And, if I were you, I'd stop harassing her immediately and cease all contact.

I suggest very strongly that you need professional help to assist you to get a grip on reality and to understand the motivations and consequences of your behavior.

Gemini is absolutely right. You need to leave this woman alone. I don't think your "apology" is going to do anything but annoy her even more.
She made it very clear that she doesn't want any contact with you. And so, any contact that you try to make with her can be considered as harassment.
You did your damage, and already sent that apology of yours. Now before you get yourself in trouble, leave it at that.
I suggest you take some time to consider your actions, and rethink how you come across. Maturity is about growing and learning, and not repeating the same mistakes. We all make them, but only those who apply what they learn from them and change for the better, move on to better things.
Take care and good luck to you.

You leave her alone-your behaviour is bordering on harassment.

I agree you seem to need help getting your issues sorted out.

I really doubt if she accepts your apology. She had every right to tell you off. She has enough going on in her life without having a controlling man as a friend.

I hope you truly realize that you came on too strong and were completely off-base. If you don't get a grip on your "control issues" you'll never find a woman to share your life with.

Not a good idea to put personal info such as complete names on the Internet. They have been deleted

I agree with what the others have said about your actions 100%, and hope you learn from your consequences, and act more caring, and understanding in the future.

She may forgive you, but doubt she gives you another chance, nor do you deserve it, in my opinion, so follow up your apology by being graceful enough to leave her alone, PERIOD!

You blew it with bad immature behavior, and see isn't going to accept it. Good for her.

There is a law against cyber-stalking and that's what you are doing. Get Help and leave this nice girl alone.

You seem to expect the people in your life to drop everything when you call or write. Real life doesn't work that way.

Not everyone checks their emails daily. A woman with a child going through a divorce has better things to do then wait for you to write and immediately respond.

You overreacted big time, you let your true colors shine through and wisely she's walking away now. I don't blame her one bit. I can only imagine what actually being in a relationship with you would be like if this is how you react with a woman you only had one date with.

The apology is too little too late. The damage has been done, so leave her alone.

You have to learn that people have lives and they don't revolve around you. You have some issues, time to figure out how to deal with them before you do this again.

Ok I don't say this often but I'm going to go back to my younger days on this one..

(Ahem) --(Oh wow dude she Just Like totally Pawned! You! ) its not her you should be worrying about.


Ok enough of that I know this is a help board, Your actions towards her was pathetic.

You got off easy trust me
My advice Work on yourself a little bit more before you try and do anything like be around someone OK :)


You need to stop being so sensitive
And learn that You are not the center of the univers.

Once you get those points worked out then feel free to date :)
Until then, Maybe not so much.

I mean you know what you did was wrong right? I mean you say sorry now but you know that's not what people should do right?
Out of the millions of ways that could have gone
That is not a good one.
You will freak anyone out with that.

Unless they have one of those white jackets with the really really long sleeves

It's good to know this woman sees you for what you are! She puts her child first.. Good for her and you leave her alone!

I will definitely leave her alone. I wish I could take back what I said. I've been sick to my stomach ever since this happened. I have never treated anybody like this, I'm a real nice guy. I just had a moment where I let emotions get the best of me. I do have bipolar disorder, since 1987, but I've always had my hypomania behavior under control. I have never treated anyone like that. I wish I could tell her how deeply sorry I am. People make mistakes, and especially say things they shouldn't. At least I never hit her and cheated on her twice like her ex husband has. She knows I have bipolar depression, and she has it too. And she was beaten by her mother growing up, has had 3 miscarriages, and attempted suicide 3 yrs ago. And, she doesn't even speak to either one of her parents anymore. And her husband has tried to kill her by choking her to death. So, I thought that she might understand that it was the bipolar disorder that caused this. And, then we could reconcile this, because I know its bothering her to. Listen, she told me all this about herself in one night, she talked to me six hours. I'm a great listener, and I was there for her. She had a bad week, and she even emailed me twice on Wed. I wanted to see her again Fri. so she could talk to me, and make herself feel better. So, stop jumping all over my case. I feel bad enough about it as it is.

I will definitely leave her alone. I wish I could take back what I said. I've been sick to my stomach ever since this happened. I have never treated anybody like this, I'm a real nice guy. I just had a moment where I let emotions get the best of me. I do have bipolar disorder, since 1987, but I've always had my hypomania behavior under control. I have never treated anyone like that. I wish I could tell her how deeply sorry I am. People make mistakes, and especially say things they shouldn't. Atleast I never hit her and cheated on her twice like her ex husband has. She knows I have bipolar depression, and she has it too. And she was beaten by her mother growing up, has had 3 miscarriages, and attempted suicide 3 yrs ago. And, she doesn't even speak to either one of her parents anymore. And her husband has tried to kill her by choking her to death. So, I thought that she might understand that it was the bipolar disorder that caused this. And, then we could reconcile this, because I know its bothering her to. Listen, she told me all this about herself in one night, she talked to me six hours. I'm a great listener, and I was there for her. She had a bad week, and she even emailed me twice on Wed. I wanted to see her again Fri. so she could talk to me, and make herself feel better. So, stop jumping all over my case. I feel bad enough about it as it is.


Stay as far away from each other as you can. She has a child and you need to leave her alone. I'm sorry about your problems but you can't fix her anymore than she can fix you. It would be like the blind leading the blind. You are going to find yourself in a world of trouble
If you insist on harassing her. Doesn't matter if you talk to to her or not . Emailing unwanted messages is the same thing as stalking. Please leave the girl alone.

She had a bad week, and she even emailed me twice on Wed. I wanted to see her again Fri. so she could talk to me, and make herself feel better.

This makes no sense. You wanted to see her so she could talk to you and make herself feel better, but instead you make things worse by hounding her, writing a very mean email and a mean voicemail?

You may not normally be like this, I sure hope not, and maybe you did just have an off day and lost it, but the fact is that the damage is done and it's too late to take it back. I can only tell you what I would do and she was a heck of a lot nicer to you then I would have been.


So, stop jumping all over my case. I feel bad enough about it as it is.

You asked for our advice, our opinions. I don't believe in sugar coating things, I call them as I see them. It may have been a bitter pill to swallow but wouldn't you rather hear the truth? I know I would.

Chalk this up to a learning experience, realize that this isn't fixable and just walk away. She'll be fine as long as you do what she asks which is to leave her alone.

Work on this issue so that it doesn't happen again. That's really the best advice we can give you.

No one wants to jump on your case. No one here is your enemy. We just want the best for you and her in this situation. No one wants to see you get in trouble, and no one wants her to be harassed. Right now, you may not feel it is harassing, but in her eyes it is. I believe you are truly sorry for what you did, and it takes a lot of courage to broadcast your whole conversation with her to everyone here. It was good that you did, so people here can have a deeper perspective of what's going on. All the advice given here is solely based on that.
As I said, we all make mistakes, and a lot of the advice that is given here is based upon the mistakes we have all made at one time or another, or in very similar situations.
Ok, so you messed up. The good thing is that you realize that. It is the first step to making changes for the better.
You apologized to her, now leave it at that. If there is any chance that she will forgive you, it will only come by not bothering her. Give her time. Even if she never speaks to you again, at least you didn't make things worse than they already are, and Im sure she will appreciate that.

Apparently you don't take constructive criticism very well. That tells me a lot about you.

When you ask questions I give advice . So 'jumping on your case" apparently ticked you off.
Get over. If you can't stand the advice you get, don't ask..

I promise I will leave her alone. I appreciate all your advice. I just thought we could reconcile things. I have never stalked anyone and don't plan on doing it now. I'm going to pray about it also, because God forgave the whole worlds sins, and If it is meant for us to reconcile it will happen. I look forward to that day if it ever comes. Because, what I have done has definitely not helped my bipolar condition. It is eating me up inside. At one point I thought about killing myself, but I have always been strong enough to not carry it out.

I promise I will leave her alone. I appreciate all your advice. I just thought we could reconcile things. I have never stalked anyone and don't plan on doing it now. I'm going to pray about it also, because God forgave the whole worlds sins, and If it is meant for us to reconcile it will happen. I look forward to that day if it ever comes. Because, what I have done has definitely not helped my bipolar condition. It is eating me up inside. At one point I thought about killing myself, but I have always been strong enough to not carry it out.

I wish you luck... Please get some emotional help.

WOW... There is some cold hearted es in here, Its funny I went through the same thing as you did, at about the same time this year lol. Of course you had every right to be angry, Im a little bit surprised she responded like that to your email after keeping you in the dark, you were actually pretty damn respectful and polite compared to the angry mail I sent. This chick is definitely not worth your time, cause she never gave a damn about you, just like most girls she has a big ego and is on a power trip, and will not just simply "talk things out" with you, because she knows she can simply just go find someone else who is just as nice and funny and attractive and doesn't have to work at . Unfortunately I've met a lot of women like this, all these women on here jumping on your case and making you feel like the bad guy have NO respect for a man, just like most women these days. Maybe you did some horrible that wasn't mentioned, and maybe the women are right, and we are just complete s who don't deserve jack , but communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and what keeps married couples together, if the woman is too selfish to talk things out with you because you were an , than the man is never going to grow and learn and be comfortable in a relationship and learn to trust. I'm not blaming or saying all women are like this, and I don't hate women, but you can't treat someone who you supposedly "love" like a door mat and ignore them when they are just simply worried about you, and then expect them to act like nothing happened and just be cool about it. And furthermore lol you can't be in a relationship and not expect to have some disagreements and anger and even yelling every once in a while, there are some men that are just "chill" 24/7 but that's a rare thing, men are territorial by nature, and if a guy is just "chill" or everythings "all good" 24/7 he might have some serious issues. Lol you want some advice on women, let me give you some advice myself, NEVER ASK A WOMAN ABOUT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS!! Haha And that advice goes to not just men, but women too!! They will DESTROY it.

Ok I misread a little, I didn't see that you only went on one date with her, I think you may have gotten attached a little too fast and easy, I can understand being upset if you had actually been with her for awhile, but you didn't know her that well. But still, I mean what I said in my other comment. Next time you should definitely take your time and know the chick and have been with her for awhile before you fall in love and get all emotional, and at least she was actually pretty honest and straight forward with you, unlike some who just drag it out and play games.