So...

Here's a quick summary of what's wrong with me:

- I'm a tad obcessive.
- I have self-esteem issues (which teen doesn't?).
- I'm lazy.
- I come across as arrogant.
- I'm anti-social (or so I hear).
- I'm cynical.
- I'm socially awkward.

So I ask you AMHD, what should I work on first and how?

Keep in mind, my goal is to better myself and make myself happier.

Try reading some self-help books:

The Guide to Self-Help Books – Recommended Self-Help Books - Self-Help Book Reviews (http://www.books4selfhelp.com/)

Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide (http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/self-esteem.html)

Have you considered seeing a counselor?

Tried, didn't help.

Went there for a pretty long time even.

You are:

- an excellent writer.
- a good speller (except for "obcessive")
- careful with punctuation
- a logical thinker
- analytical
- a problem-solver
- probably good at writing outlines and term papers
- probably loved by teachers
- an interesting-sounding person
- smart

Hmmm.

Has it ever occurred to you that you can approach this another way?

There is nothing wrong with you. Accept yourself the way you are. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves.

By all means work to better yourself, but remember you are you - and no-one else is.

We are all perfectly imperfect. It's the human condition.

You are:

- an excellent writer.
- a good speller (except for "obcessive")
- careful with punctuation
- a logical thinker
- analytical
- a problem-solver
- probably good at writing outlines and term papers
- probably loved by teachers
- an interesting-sounding person
- smart

I've heard the same, apart from those those you described as probable. So, thanks, I feel a little happier now.

Gemini54:
'Eh, while most of them I can accept, the last 3 to 4 items on that list I feel like I could get through and have been trying to do so.

Still I'll think about your opinion :) .

So, thanks, I feel a little happier now.

Okay. Good. What's next?

Okay. Good. What's next?

Actually went out today with a single friend, trying to be more outgoing...

It just doesn't come naturally to me and doesn't help that most people never invite me.

But 'eh, going to try to make myself available to the people I know and see how it goes from there.

Actually went out today with a single friend, trying to be more outgoing...
Just be a good listener, an active listener, and people will think you are the best conversationalist in the whole wide world. Google "active listener" (without quote marks) if you need a definition.

Actually, I like you a lot already. You answered my question and made a small but important effort to improve something in your life. I'm impressed!

***ADDED***I just read your earlier posts. You would be a wonderful addition to this site and could even become an expert. You have good sense and a nice way of dealing with questioners.

Also to anyone following this thread. Accepted an invitation from my girlfriend to a concert on Saturday and asked her to come to another on Wednesday.

Tried inviting one of my college buddies to one but he didn't want to attend.

(Basically, there'll be one concert a day around here for a week)

Not going to those concerts anymore, broke up with my girlfriend.

Please refer to:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/broke-up-2-weeks-prior-1-year-anniversary-466380.html

If you're interested.

Also to anyone following this thread. Accepted an invitation from my girlfriend to a concert on Saturday and asked her to come to another on Wednesday.
Be sure to let me (us) know how they went and how you felt about the two situations.

What kind of concerts? Orchestra or pop band or what?

Rock and Folk basically, but I'm not attending anymore Wondergirl, refer to the first post on the 2nd Page :)

Rock and Folk basicly, but I'm not attending anymore Wondergirl, refer to the first post on the 2nd Page :)
Ask someone else.

Don't give up because one person didn't want to go. Don't stop living your life because people suck.

Why not find a hobby you're good at? Hobbies are always a good self-esteem builder.

Actually went to that Rock concert yesterday. An old friend heard I had become single and instantly invited me to join (he didn't like my ex very much).

Still, I saw her there as well and the pain just surged from nowhere. I had a good time after I lost track of her however.

I'll probably join him again for 1 or 2 more concerts, hopefully not running into my ex.

Good for you, JK! I'm proud of you.

You sound like a perfectly normal teenager (one who is more articulate and self-aware than many) who is gradually maturing into a young adult. You just sound like you are trying a bit too hard to complete the process, putting pressure on yourself.

Of course the break-up is painful and I really do sympathise with you, it feels horrible no matter how old you are. Only time will heal that. Try and be a bit more patient with yourself.

Take it one day at a time. You are doing fine.

Attending a second concert today with my cousin and same friend I went with last time.

Plan to have a blast.

I also set aside a secondary goal, if possible, I want to try and make a light conversation with a complete stranger (even if he or she knows my cousin or friend).

I think this'll help my shyness, even if they don't respond well to my attempt.

Thoughts?

So...

Here's a quick summary of what's wrong with me:

- I'm a tad obcessive.
- I have self-esteem issues (which teen doesn't?).
- I'm lazy.
- I come across as arrogant.
- I'm anti-social (or so I hear).
- I'm cynical.
- I'm socially awkward.

So I ask you AMHD, what should I work on first and how?

Keep in mind, my goal is to better myself and make myself happier.


You have described yourself as obsessive, self-esteem issues, lazy, arrogant, anti-social, cynical, and socially awkward.

You also say you were in counselling for a long time. Were any of those issues addressed with any concrete plans to work on changing any of them? You say it didn't work, but maybe you are more comfortable the way you are rather than taking on the very difficult task of changing anything about yourself.

Do you have a part time job? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you getting any physical activity in your week?

Some things you don't need instructions for. Think of giving of yourself for no reward other than knowing that you've made a difference in someone else's life- such as a few hours a week at a homeless shelter, or helping out at a food bank. Put your own self-described 'faults' aside, and try to balance it out with the real world where people truly suffer and struggle every day to get by. The rewards are enormous.

I'm not downplaying your feelings or your assessment of yourself, but at 18, it is time to step outside that destructive bubble in my opinion, and start making changes in your life, that involve other people and activities.

Getting a part time job will give you the satisfaction of earning something, even if it is a small paycheque. You work hard, you are rewarded. Dealing with the public, good and bad, helping solve problems for people, learning how to communicate, all of it is valuable in building self esteem.

It is not easy to just trust the advice of a stranger, but I can tell you with some experience myself in life, that if you don't go after happiness, it will not find you.

My opinion is you need a little more balance in your life.

I'd say it depends on what you define by balance.

Also, the counselor that I visited barely did anything to me apart from helping me tolerate my family better and just accepting that they'll never change.


Do you have a part time job? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you getting any physical activity in your week?

Swim tri-weekly and attend Physics in College.


Getting a part time job will give you the satisfaction of earning something, even if it is a small paycheque. You work hard, you are rewarded. Dealing with the public, good and bad, helping solve problems for people, learning how to communicate, all of it is valuable in building self esteem.

Anyone who can actually be in a part time college and not fail their college classes is a hero in my book. So that's a route I just won't take at all.

I still don't understand what you meant by going after happiness.

When I talk about balance, I mean balancing your needs and wants.

If you want, for instance, to be more social, then you have to be more socially active. If you want to feel that you are contributing to this world, and giving something of yourself, then you have to take advantage of opportunities such as volunteering.

If you are continuously stuck in a cycle of self depreciation, where do you expect to go.

I know nothing of your family history, but if you are still living at home and being supported by your parents, I presume that the counselling helped somewhat?

Physics part time I also presume, is part of an educational plan? Are you taking more than one class, or on your way to a diploma/degree of some sort? What do you want to do with your education.

All I'm saying is, that 'loop' without changes, isn't going to lead you on a path where you will find or experience happiness. The experience you gain, just by living, and learning how to cope with ups and downs, will prepare you for success. From what you have said so far, you don't seem to be particularly motivated. The way you listed a description of yourself in your original post, is self-limiting, and probably only part of the picture.

Do you have goals and dreams?

Who doesn't?

I am taking a Bachelor's degree in Physics, that's what I meant.

As for wanting and trying to be more social, I've actually done just that.

Wanting to be less shy? Actually maintained a long conversation with two girls I haven't had met before. So that was a step forward in my perspective as well as a confidence boost (two pretty attractive girls, even though I had no intention of dating them).

As for my hopes and dreams?

-Bachelor's and Master's degree in Physics.
-Might try to do a PhD in Physics.
-Want a family
-Most important, want to be happy.

These are my hopes and dreams? Common? Perhaps.

These are my hopes and dreams? Common? Perhaps.
You're lookin' good, JK!

Anyway, for those following. Got an invitation from my sister to attend a college event in another city, think I'm going to take her up on it even if I'm completely tired at the moment.

Anyway, for those following. Got an invitation from my sister to attend a college event in another city, think I'm gonna take her up on it even if I'm completly tired at the moment.
Yay JK!! I envy you. Sounds like fun!

I did go to that college event even if I regret it now.

While I did have some fun with my sister and her female friends, I did hate her male friends as well as the concert and the whole atmosphere.

Still, I'm going to accept all social invitations anyway. My birthday is coming up though, which means I'll hit my major depression time of the year. :(

(to clarify, my grandfather died on my birthday and I kissed my ex for the first time on my birthday as well, so it kind of is a sad day for me.)

When is your birthday, JK? (Time for some new memories.)

May 7th

Out of the blue this did come up.

Should I delete all contacts from my ex, as well as reminders from her so as to heal better?

Out of the blue this did come up.

Should I delete all contacts from my ex, as well as reminders from her so as to heal better?
I would. Doesn't that seem to be the rational and reasonable thing to do?

I agree with Wondergirl, time to let go of the past, and hello to the future.

I'm just not that comfortable with destroying every single memory of a relationship that wasn't all bad. This obviously includes pictures, presents, text messages and all that.

Keep the good memories, but learn from the bad things. It's always best to try to learn from all bad relationships, whether it's with family or a romantic relationship. Every person you have contact has good and bad in them, it's up to you what you dwell on (whether it's the good or bad parts.)

So it's my birthday today (not excited about it).

And I bring news of my life to those following in my attempts to better myself and my life!

Went to a friend's party, met a cute chick, had an one night stand, hated it, she apparently loved it.

She won't stop pestering me. I have no interest in her. What do I do about this?

I'm contemplating suicide. That is all.

I'm contemplating suicide. That is all.
Now what happened?? Please tell me (us).

Meh, family is going chaotic, I'm not over my ex, not doing that good in college.

That's about it really.

Meh, family is going chaotic, I'm not over my ex, not doing that good in college.

That's about it really.
Can I help somehow? Do some of your homework? Invite your family over for a backyard barbecue? Introduce you to a couple of cute girls?

No point meeting cute girls while I'm not over my ex in my opinion 'eh.

I'm just contemplating, I'm not going to go through with it (I hope anyhow).

Thanks for the support Wondergirl.

I'm just contemplating, I'm not gonna go through with it (I hope anyhow).
If you go through with it, I'll never speak to you again.

Now, what's first on the list to fix? I recently retired and have all this free time on my hands.

If I did go through with it, I wouldn't post on any site ever again.

I don't know, for now I'm just going No contact on my ex and trying to study since I can't solve my family.

For now, I'm just hoping my life will go uphill while I keep going No Contact, working out and trying to improve myself to raise my self-esteem.

I'm hoping that once my self-esteem goes up so will my quality of life. It's not an overnight process so we'll see.

If I did go through with it, I wouldn't post on any site ever again.
That's even worse than my not talking to you again! :eek:

I don't know, for now I'm just going No contact on my ex and trying to study since I can't solve my family.
Good thinking. You've set priorities. School should come first. Anything I can help with? I'm real smart.

I'm hoping that once my self-esteem goes up so will my quality of life. It's not an overnight process so we'll see.
It will go up if you follow the plan you mentioned. I'm here for you. I've got lots of time.

Came close to breaking NC today, kind of feel proud I didn't.

I destroyed every single text message I had in my phone, both sent and received. I took every single thing my ex gifted to me and shoved it into a random box in the attic.

I'm really close to bringing myself to deleting any pictures in where she's present.

I also feel like beating up a couple of guys, I have no idea why though.

Came close to breaking NC today, kind of feel proud I didn't.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

I also feel like beating up a couple of guys, I have no idea why though.
I also know a few you can beat up. Tell me when I can bring them over.

Wow...

I got off the shower and into the scale seems like I gained 4 Kg (I think 8.8 pounds). Which frankly is awsome, working out is really paying off. (I'm quite skinny, so this is awsome).

And my ex came IM'ing outraged that I've been ignoring her.

This last hour has been just... a confidence boost.

Wow...

I got off the shower and into the scale seems like I gained 4 Kg (I think 8.8 pounds). Which frankly is awsome, working out is really paying off. (I'm quite skinny, so this is awsome).

And my ex came IM'ing outraged that I've been ignoring her.

This last hour has been just... a confidence boost.
I am feeling the power radiating off you. Surges of electricity are sizzling the ends of my hair. Like the McDonald's ad, I'm lovin' it!

Can't seem to get my ex girlfriend out of my head... This is driving me absolutely nuts.

How can you get over someone if you have to see them at least once every week? It's just hard and painful.

Can't seem to get my ex girlfriend out of my head... This is driving me absolutely nuts.

How can you get over someone if you have to see them at least once every week? It's just hard and painful.
Think about it this way -- you don't have to see this person for SIX whole days!!

Some people have been suggesting to me that I should go see a psychologist. I don't have an interest in doing it but I can see where maybe it would be worth it.

Just how expensive are they?

Anyway, decided to drop by and tell you guys (or Wondergirl) that I've decided to see a therapist.

I think it won't do much but there is the offchance that he/she will be able to drive my suicidal thoughts away and I feel like I could do away with those.

Thanks for the support though guys (Wondergirl).

As long as you continue to take steps to help yourself, to better yourself, then you're moving forward.

Continue to take it one step at the time. You don't need to put pressure on yourself by expecting to wake up one morning and be on cloud 9.

I would also add that as you continue to make progress and take steps to better yourself, you will continue to feel a sense of accomplishment and that will boost your confidence and self-esteem.

But remember, one step at the time. When you walk the stairs, you take one step at the time, you can't fly up there instantly. But once you're reached the top, you will feel happy that you were able to walk all those steps; thus, the sense of accomplishment.

Psychologists really are idiots...

So after today's therapy and fifth session he actually blurted out that maybe I really should kill myself. I mean, that's just... wow.

I was speechless by that and it's fair to say I'm not going to bother with a psychologist at all anymore or ever.

What kind of professional straight up tells a patient that maybe he should commit suicide?

Psychologists really are idiots...

So after today's therapy and fifth session he actually blurted out that maybe I really should kill myself. I mean, that's just... wow.

I was speechless by that and it's fair to say I'm not going to bother with a psychologist at all anymore or ever.

What kind of professional straight up tells a patient that maybe he should commit suicide?
Good grief! I wish he lived in this country. I'd call and give him a piece of my mind. Hmmmm, how much is a call to where you are??

Now, if you'd been his patient for several years and had a great rapport with him, I could see this happening as a sort of reverse psychology or even small joke between the two of you. But geeeeez.

I guess it's just you and me now (and the rest of the gang here). I really wish we could sit down and chat about things over a cup of coffee. I (we) have really become quite fond of you and want the best for you. How can we get to that place? I'm feeling very frustrated -- angry too.

Scale says 130 pounds. It's just amazing, I haven't felt this good about my body in a while and the ramifications are just amazing, I'm more confident, have better self-esteem, I'm less stressed, suffer from less rage issues.

Regular exercise just overall helps a lot. I think I'm actually on the right path to happiness now.

Scale says 130 pounds. It's just amazing, I haven't felt this good about my body in a while. ... I think I'm actually on the right path to happiness now.
Be sure to beef up your mind and emotions too. They also need your attention.

I have no idea why, but I'm trying another psychologist, let's hope this one goes better than the last...

Also, I've been in a perma-happy mood lately, I'm loving it ^_^

I have no idea why, but I'm trying another psychologist, let's hope this one goes better than the last...

Also, I've been in a perma-happy mood lately, I'm loving it ^_^
He's a psychologist with Ph.D. after his name? Does he specialize in anything? (I'm checkin' up 'cause I care about you, JK.)

When's your first appointment?

He's a psychologist with Ph.D. after his name? Does he specialize in anything? (I'm checkin' up 'cause I care about you, JK.)

When's your first appointment?

Yeah, he has a doctorate degree.

I don't know, it's actually an old colleague of my uncle (he's a surgeon specializing in gynecology, guess you meet all sorts of people in med school).

I trust my uncle's judgement so I actually think it'll go better this time.

As for his specialization, I don't know, I haven't asked.

First appointment is Friday the 25th.

Yeah, he has a doctorate degree.

I dunno, it's actually an old colleague of my uncle (he's a surgeon specializing in gynecology, guess you meet all sorts of people in med school).
If this guy went to med school, he must have M.D. after his name and be a medical doctor in psychology, i.e. a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist is a notch up over a psychologist. He can prescribe meds too. BE SURE either he or someone he recommends follows up with regular maybe-twice-a-week counseling!!

Sounds like a good referral. I can't wait until the 25th!!

Oh just for reference, I'm refusing any type of anti-depressants if he so prescribes.

Last time I was on them, I was a completely different person (not happier either mind you), I couldn't think straight, I was slower and felt like I was walking underwater.

Oh just for reference, I'm refusing any type of anti-depressants if he so prescribes.
Please don't shoot yourself in the foot. There is an anti-depressant that will work for you; you just have to find it. The first three blood pressure meds my doctor prescribed for me didn't work or made me sick. The fourth one works like a charm. It took about six months to find the one that works. The same is true of anti-depressants. What works for you might not work for me.

But then, maybe he won't think you need one.

Be sure to ask him about weekly counseling sessions with him or someone else. Maybe the counseling will be enough, and you won't need meds too.

Please don't shoot yourself in the foot. There is an anti-depressant that will work for you; you just have to find it. The first three blood pressure meds my doctor prescribed for me didn't work or made me sick. The fourth one works like a charm. It took about six months to find the one that works. The same is true of anti-depressants. What works for you might not work for me.

But then, maybe he won't think you need one.

Be sure to ask him about weekly counseling sessions with him or someone else. Maybe the counseling will be enough, and you won't need meds too.

Thing is, most anti-depressants don't treat depression per se, they treat symptons like insomnia for one. I'm not suffering from any really bad symptom that needs addressing (I suffered from insomnia for a while and that's why I took some anti-depressants before).

I think he won't perscribe any but I don't see myself taking them if he does so and will probably try to reach an agreement about extra counseling or something along those lines.

I don't see myself taking them if he does so
Then, as a responsible client, you have the duty to tell him you will not take the prescribed pills. Why add lying to the mix?

P.S. You're incorrect about anti-depressants and what they do. I spent three years in grad school and a hunk of money to find out how they work.

Then, as a responsible client, you have the duty to tell him you will not take the prescribed pills. Why add lying to the mix?


That's actually what I said I would do "I'd try to reach an agreement over more conselling".

Psychiatrist called me a few days ago cause a patient of his died apparently and asked me if I want to take up his weekly timeslot which is Tuesdays at 17.00 .

So, I did visit him today and it turns out he doesn't want to prescribe anything for now but has pointed out something's for me to do.

He wants me to find an outlet for rage and stress and also wants me to double the amount of physical exercise or just add a 30 min run everyday around the block.

While he hasn't reached a complete assessment, he says I show signs of a really light case of bipolar disorder (apparently, most people's moods fluctuate but mine just fluctuate more apparently but not to the point of full blown bipolar disorder) and thinks he can treat it without the intervention of medication.

He mentioned signs of depression but isn't concerned with it for now, he wants to tackle one issue at a time and hopefully by the time he reaches depression, he'll have fixed the things that caused it.

So first off, his plan is to fix any underlying rage and stress issues.

Thought Wondergirl would have liked to know this.

Thought Wondergirl would have liked to know this.
WG is delighted to hear that you seriously are beginning to work on yourself!

The added exercise is good. What outlets for rage and stress might there be?

He didn't tell me to just do this or that.

Told me to try and figure out something, if I couldn't he would suggest something next week.

For now, I'm thinking of a boxing bag.

Or a big box of kittens (to pet obviously).

He didn't tell me to just do this or that.

Told me to try and figure out something, if I couldn't he would suggest something next week.
Is there an anger management course offered nearby at a community college or high school or park district?

As far as I know they're not very common. I'll ask around for it though.

As far as I know they're not very common. I'll ask around for it though.
What I'm thinkin' is, in an anger management class you would figure out WHY you are angry and learn how to mentally think yourself out of it. Getting a punching bag only encourages the anger and acting out, but doesn't allow you to learn how to redirect your energies.

Here's a bit from an anger management site --

What Individuals Can Do:

The first step in dealing with anger is to become aware of it. Learn how anger affects you, how you deal with it, and what triggers it in you. There are many ways to handle anger once you learn to recognize it and catch it early on. The American Psychological Association suggests the following:

Relaxation -- As simple as it sounds, basic relaxation exercises can be powerful tools in overcoming one's anger. Among these simple techniques are deep breathing; slowly repeating a relaxing phrase, such as "relax" or "take it easy"; using peaceful imagery to imagine a relaxing situation; and relaxing exercise, like yoga or tai-chi.

Cognitive Restructuring -- Cognitive restructuring is basically changing the way you think about things. This involves thinking more positively about a situation; avoiding terms like "always" and "never," which can be used to justify your anger; using logic on yourself to prevent irrational behavior; and learning to change your approach -- requesting rather than demanding, for example.

Problem Solving -- Not all anger is inappropriate. When there is a very real root to your anger, approaching the situation from the perspective of a problem solver can help to diffuse your strong feelings. Make a plan for how you can fix the situation and approach it with good intentions.

Better Communication -- Angry people tend to jump to conclusions and overreact. By slowing down and thinking about what you say, this problem can be avoided. Also, make sure you understand what other people are saying before responding to them. Listen to the reasons for others' anger and try not to be overly critical. Listening is as important to communication as speaking is.

Using Humor -- By refusing to take yourself too seriously, you can defuse your anger. Try using humorous imagery to lighten your mood or to make fun of yourself. However, you should avoid using sarcastic and harsh humor, which is simply another expression of anger. You should also avoid simply "laughing off" your problems, which ignores the issue at hand. Instead use humor to approach the problem more constructively.

Change Your Environment -- Oftentimes our environment contributes to our anger by causing irritation and fury. Make a point to take a break. Schedule personal time. When stress becomes too intense, simply get away for 15 minutes to regroup and refresh.

As far as I know they're not very common. I'll ask around for it though.
We have them all over the place around Chicagoland! What about taking a yoga or tai chi class? (Tai chi is basically karate -- the katas.)

Try Talking to a counselor. Or talking to a parent or an adult!! Does that help any?

Well I was like that when I was in the 6th grade I had no friends I was anti-social then I join'd wood shop and basket ball and that help mii out with self-esteem issues, anti-socialness, and laziness so that's what I say try to pla sports um tlk to people that seem to lik your stuff look at funny stuff laugh have fun and your life should get better.. comment one of my question thanks

And yha talk to a counselor that works for me. Parents are confuseing

2nd visit to my psychiatrist and he seems to think that I place far too much pressure on myself and set unrealistic goals for myself as well.

He also argues that it is due to these 2 factors that I can't be happy, he thinks that I lose self-esteem every single time I fail at a goal set by myself, consciously or unconsciously. He also tried to get me to find a way to allow myself to take the pressure off but is still unsure of the root of the issue. He wants me to think about the possible roots to this and to take it back to him next week.

He's also pretty pleased with the 30 min relaxation time I've been taking for myself after each hot shower but still wants me to get more than 30 minutes of relaxation in.

He conceded tackling stress right away at my request since I'm in my exam period so I suggested that perhaps my stress is higher than usual so it wouldn't be accurate to pinpoint my stress level at this time.

Anyway, that's the summary of my 2nd visit to a psychiatrist. Hope you have fun analysing it Wondergirl. :)