First off, I am a 20 year old female who has been married for little for a year now. I hope I will not be receiving any judgemental comments in regards to this message that I am posting, I just really want some advice.

So basically, I have known my husband all my life, ever since I was born since he is a family friend. I love him very dearly, and it so happens that he is the only person that I have ever had sex with, I did not plan to not sleep with anyone until I find someone I want to get married with, I guess this was a simple coincidence. Before we got married, I decided to go live with him in his country for a year, we had been in a relationship before I went to stay with him but it was on and off as I was the one that stopped all means of conversation. So when I showed up to his country, it was the first time we had been talking in a few months. I found a few messages on his phone and mysterious outings that he would have late at night when I was there with him. I soon found out that he was seeing someone secretly, he came "clean" and told me that this person was an ex that he only started talking to since we had not been talking for a few months and he did not know what I was doing. I told him to get rid of her, and he told me that he tried but she still would not stop contacting him. Her contacting my husband would make me leave and I would go the house that my mother owns there, he would come to me and start crying and promising that he would stop talking to her. The thing I couldn't understand, was why he just could not up front tell her that he did not want to be with her. He finally told me that he felt bad telling her to leave him alone because she would get very very hurt. I let him in again, I found hidden pictures of her and I'm on his computer, he cried, I let him in again, I found a sim card in his pocket put it in my phone there were text messages from her, he cried again and I accepted him again. After a while she was definitely out of the picture (at least it seemed like it it) and we got married I figured that maybe if we got married his relationship status would definitely be different and situations would not come up anymore).

This September he moved to Canada for me, so we can start our life here I have never forgotten about that girl that would not get out of his life and therefore we have trust issues, I do not want him having single friends because I don't want him to be in that kind of atmosphere where his friends are constantly hitting on girls and such. Last night we went out with a friend of his, we were on the way to pick up his friends girlfriend and there was a girl in the car beside us and my husbands friend would not stop looking at the girl and the girl was also looking at my husband and his friend sitting in the front. When I confronted my husband, he said he really didn't know what I was talking about. Since I am still having trust issues I really don't know what I should do. :S

Trust issues - You were married but lived in separate countries? It is kind of hard to use that against him when he did not have no idea what your plans were. What did you expect really?

As far as him looking at other girls, even if he was, so what who cares. He moved to a new country for YOU two to start a new life together and you should not be having any trust issues at all with him.

If your going to be paranoid and control every aspect of his life including you not wanting him to have single friends which is just controlling issue with you. You know what the marriage will not last and YOUR personal issues will wreck and end your marriage.

If you can not get past this, and move on with it and not to be so paranoid and controlling then I suggest you get into counseling to work through YOUR problems.

Once lost ( and it was lost) it can take years an years to build back up. Time to start counseling an get a lot of feelings out in the open

I can understand why you have trust issues. It sounds like he didn't handle getting out of that relationship very well. Keep in mind that he made a pretty big step toward trying to regain your trust. He moved to Canada for you and hopefully left all contact with her in his previous country.

I agree with Fr Chuck that counseling would be a good idea. I think both of you probably have several issues that need to be worked out. I think you might feel better if you sit down together with a mediator to set boundaries.

Once you are agreed on what is appropriate/inappropriate behavior when out with friends, I think you will relax some on who he is friends with. Remember that you are going to have to compromise and that just because someone looks at him, it doesn't mean he is looking at her/him. If he checks out another person, it doesn't mean he wants to do anything with them. Just like if someone checks you out or catches your eye.

It isn't going to be easy, but I think if you work together you can build a great relationship. You both need friends whether they are single, involved, married, etc. Try to schedule separate outings at the same time for both of you with your respective friends. It can help you not focus on what you think he might be doing.

You found enough trust to take him back after each incident. You found enough trust to marry him. See if you can find enough trust in his ability to develop appropriate friendships.

Good luck.