So about 2 months ago me and my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years suddenly broke up with me (for reasons still blurry to me). It tore me up because in my mind everything was going right (I was going to propose within the next month). Anyway, during the time we spent apart I made several personal changes in my life from strengthening my relationship with my best friend of 15 years to changing my appearance and even changed my major.

About a month after she broke up with me I felt like we needed to talk just to catch up. We met somewhere to eat and ended up talking for a good 2 hours. One of the things she said to me was that she was waiting for me to "reconnect the line of communication" which I agree was probably my job. But after that night I felt like I had made a move towards at the least staying friends and that the ball was in her court and if she still wanted to work on our relationship she had to contact me.

Well another month goes by and I'm to the point where I'm about to move on, when I get a text message saying "I miss you" I say "I miss you too" she goes on to say "I'm officially a mess... I need someone to talk to" I tell her I'll listen and we end up talking at a park. Close to the end of our conversation I tell her that I want to try again and that I can imagine not having her in my life. She is hesitant to answer because she had some things she wanted to tell me first. She did and they weren't anything that made me not still want to be with her. When we got closer to our cars she asked "what are we doing?" unsure of what she was asking I asked "What are we DOING? Or what are WE doing?"(Emphasis on the caps). It's kind of jumbled but I remember we said we would take a few steps back and take it slow and we hugged and kissed.

Now we've been together a week now and I don’t feel like she's giving 100%. I've changed so much about myself that I'm not sure if it's all in my head and this is how it was before or if she's acting different. There are a few things that she has started doing that are bothering me like she picked up smoking and she goes to parties and gets passing-out-drunk and sometimes when I'm texting her it can take her 30 minutes before she responds. She has only said "I love you" first once.

I've been trying to do little things to let her know that I'm thinking of her like leaving notes in places for her to find them and just checking on her to make sure she OK. Before I knew that I was the lucky one to have a girl like her, she treated me so good but now it feels backwards. What's going on in her head? Is there anything else I can do? I really want to make this work but I don’t want to get hurt again.

Doesn't sound like she's the same person that you feel in love with from day 1. Doesn't sound like you're the same person either. Both of you have grown and the question is, can these two new personalities get along?

Only time will tell. But if things don't improve and if you haven't fixed the things that broke you up in the first place, then you're just beating a dead horse by staying together.

Bittlemd I know you are madly in love with that women but you have to make sure if she loves you the same. You don't want to be giving 100% to this and she's only giving less then half.


What's going on in her head? Is there anything else I can do? I really want to make this work but I don’t want to get hurt again. there is nothing you can do to make her feel the same for you! Sorry man but you should have fix things with her before you 2 got together. What difference does it make if you 2 get back together but haven't address the issues and worked on them. Its like being at the end of the relationship over again. Your so hurt and in pain and all you want is to be her boyfriend once again but you forgot that their were issues to be dealt with. Set back and really talk to her. You can't force to make someone love you. If there were no foundation build in the beginning then your relationship will have no problem collapsing and its just a matter of days till it happens.

If she's willing start a new beginning and establish a good foundation with her. If she doesn't want to then end it fast, the sooner the better it will save you less heart ache for the future.


So about 2 months ago me and my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years suddenly broke up with me (for reasons still blurry to me). It tore me up because in my mind everything was going right (I was going to propose within the next month). In your mind you were happy and thought nothing can go wrong in this relationship. You were so blinded for the love you have for her that you didn't see the red flags that was going on in months on own relationship. For her to end it, she didn't just woke up one morning and said I want to end this 2 yrs relationship, no it takes months I mean MONTHS maybe 6 the latest or more for it to develop and her initiating the break. Don't make the same mistake again and not see the red flags, open your eyes and close your heart don't let you emotion control your future. You sound like a nice person and deserves to be with someone better.


There are a few things that she has started doing that are bothering me like she picked up smoking and she goes to parties and gets passing-out-drunk the way you explain it, sounds like she wants to have fun and go out, live her life. You in other hand wants to settle down be with her for the rest of your life and start a family in the future. You two are not in the same page, and for the relationship to work two people has to be in the same boat. If you like the feeling of being in pain then stay with her and don't fix the issues that broke you guys apart. You even said its still blurry to you. Meaning still from this day you have no clue what ended the relationship you thought it was so unbreakable.

Seems to me you talk more when you're apart. Tell her your feelings dude, or she will assume everything is okay with you, and its not.

You have changed for the better, she has NOT. Talk to her, and not about the future, but the NOW!!

There is a saying, without acknowledging the present, you cannot experience the future. This goes for relationships, if you can't solve a problem now, you won't make it to the future.

Doesn't sound like she's the same person that you feel in love with from day 1. Doesn't sound like you're the same person either. Both of you have grown and the question is, can these two new personalities get along?

Only time will tell. But if things don't improve and if you haven't fixed the things that broke you up in the first place, then you're just beating a dead horse by staying together.

I agree with what you've said here I wish.

To answer the question with my opinion; Perhaps you were just madly in love, and you know what they say love truly is blind, and after that initial rush fades, you see this person for who they truly are.