I (26) have been going out with john (turning 31) for 3 1/2 yrs. The most perfect relationship I could ever imagine. The only guy I have actually stayed in love with the whole time. All of his friends, cousins, brother, sisters are single. Mine are all married with children. I feel he is taking me for granted. Our families bond like magic. He treats me the best I feel I could ever be treated as a woman. His loyalty and care is unbelievable. I know he truly loves me as I do him. I am a free woman and I do what my heart desires. Far from clingy yet I am very affectionate. We agree on our dreams and family goals in life, yet, nothing is happening. I know he wants to be the man and buy the house and pay for most of the wedding, but saving more and more money is not a good enough excuse to hold back on commitment. I can see he clearly has a plan.Im just not sure I'm willing to wait that long. I see my cousin and clients over 30 trying for IVF which is extremely expensive. And so many women I know over 30 with problems with pregnancy, cysts, yet he still won't budge. So confused as to what to do. Ive given him till June to commit. He broke down and cried and followed me around everywhere. Clinging onto my arm shaking with the thought that ill leave. Yet he still sticks to his guns about waiting. Very confused about what to do. This is definitely love, not a lust relationship, (BIG difference) which is why its so hard. What do you think. He says I shouldn't be forcing him and we agree on all things about children and lifestyle together etc. Its just he keeps telling me to wait. Not sure how much longer my heart can wait though.

It is expensive. Is he against commonlaw family? Are you?
Would he commit to that? I know how you feel, it is very frustrating. Sometimes when a person is never showing that the relationship is going anywhere, it just gets stuck in that stand still and doesn't go anywhere!
So I would definitely set a ultimatium and stick to it, because otherwise this guy is not going to be the one you want out of a relationship. Because in the end you want a marriage and kids, and he isn't giving you that. You say he has a plan, so I would be watching to see if he is actually working towards this plan, or just made up one. Anyone can make up a plan, but are they following through?

Well to reach our plan he wants to save more and more money which is why I never know when IT will happen. My main priority is to have children first. But being Greek he is a very good boy who wants to be married and have a home first. So this is the quarelling issue.

Really? Only guy that you stayed in love with?

What happen to these guys?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/having-affair-when-relationship-390171.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/have-obsession-guy-just-wont-go-away-396231.html

Maybe he is waiting for someone he can trust to be faithful.

I have a big problem with the quote I've placed in bold below:


I (26) have been going out with john (turning 31) for 3 1/2 yrs. The most perfect relationship i could ever imagine. The only guy i have actually stayed in love with the whole time. All of his friends, cousins, brother, sisters are single. Mine are all married with children. I feel he is taking me for granted. Our families bond like magic. He treats me the best i feel i could ever be treated as a woman. His loyalty and care is unbelievable. I know he truly loves me as i do him. I am a free woman and i do what my heart desires. Far from clingy yet i am very affectionate. We agree on our dreams and family goals in life, yet, nothing is happening. I know he wants to be the man and buy the house and pay for most of the wedding, but saving more and more money is not a good enough excuse to hold back on commitment. I can see he clearly has a plan.Im just not sure im willing to wait that long. I see my cousin and clients over 30 trying for IVF which is extremely expensive. And so many women i know over 30 with problems with pregnancy, cysts, yet he still wont budge. So confused as to what to do. Ive given him till June to commit. He broke down and cried and followed me around everywhere. Clinging onto my arm shaking with the thought that ill leave. Yet he still sticks to his guns about waiting. Very confused about what to do. This is definitely love, not a lust relationship, (BIG difference) which is why its so hard. What do u think. He says i shouldnt be forcing him and we agree on all things about children and lifestyle together etc. Its just he keeps telling me to wait. Not sure how much longer my heart can wait tho.

If you are a "free woman" then you are not committed; your first priority is your relationship and what will benefit it as a whole, not simply doing "what your heart desires."

And as was already pointed out, you seem to have relationship issues already. I certainly wouldn't force him to say he's going to marry you or even have a child with you because then it isn't done for the right reasons and I can all but guarantee that it will end terribly for one, if not both of you.

Hello Nicolii,

This plan of his, what does it consist of?

Is it that he is trying to formulate a plan to where he is getting his career, finances, house, etc. on track? If so... then that sounds like a great plan to me!

It is obvious that this man really cares for you, and by you having to "Chase" that American dream and slap a label on it so quickly could/will only drive him away...

You are still young (26)! What is your hurry?

Forget about what Suzzie or Tina has, and focus on building something strong here.

He needs more time! What kind of a marriage would it be with ultimatums and irrational thinking?

Please answer my question about his plan.

Thank you.

Well to reach our plan he wants to save more and more money which is why i never know when IT will happen. My main priority is to have children first. But being Greek he is a very good boy who wants to be married and have a home first. So this is the quarelling issue.

OK, so I read that after I had already posted.

I'm sorry, but this man sounds like he's got it together... He wants to save more money and have a home first. WOW! Such a rarity in today's world.

He seems like he has his head on straight, which is what you will want, especailly if you two do end up getting married and having children.

Does that make sense?

Thanks Enigma. I think your right. And I'm not just saying that because it's the nicest answer. It's just with all the problems others around me are having with children (including my mum with me), I've been getting scared about whether I will have any if I wait as long as them.
And to this8384, that is not what I meant when I said "i am a free woman". What I mean is that this is the only man who is accepting of me following my career dreams, being who I am as a woman without the man trying to control my ife and choices. He lets me be me. Not the kind of free when you see other men. Does that make sense.

Talaniman and I wish. Is it a coincidence that my response was taken off the site or is it because your a relationship expert and you didn't see that one coming. Ill write it again. I share my profile with 3 other students as part of research for University. That is why our topics range and vary around similar issues. Those previous questions that you were referring to were actually part of research. In this case, this question is actually about me myself for my own life.

It makes sense, but your other posts about wanting other men are a little disturbing. I would like to see you stop pressuring your boyfriend, who sounds wonderful, and figure out why you have this urge to wander. If you are having these feelings after only 3.5 years, what's it going to be like when you have two kids and have been together for 10 years? You need to sort this out or you will make him very unhappy.

So you need time too (not just your bf). Slow down. Maybe find a therapist to talk to about why you are thinking about other guys and why you feel so impatient about marriage. At 26, you still have a lot of time. I had my kids at 34 and 38, no problem.

Read my response to talaniman and I wish. Those questions were other people. Im not wandering. Very ready to be with him. I only want him. Good to hear u had children at that age with no problem. So happy about that.

It makes sense, but your other posts about wanting other men are a little disturbing. I would like to see you stop pressuring your boyfriend, who sounds wonderful, and figure out why you have this urge to wander. If you are having these feelings after only 3.5 years, what's it going to be like when you have two kids and have been together for 10 years? You need to sort this out or you will make him very unhappy.

So you need time too (not just your bf). Slow down. Maybe find a therapist to talk to about why you are thinking about other guys and why you feel so impatient about marriage. At 26, you still have a lot of time. I had my kids at 34 and 38, no problem.

If you love him you'll be miserable if you break up and so will he. Why put yourself through that. You sound like avery intelligent
Nice lady who has it together. Give him time. You both are very
Lucky to have each other. Be thankful :)

Very true. That's why it's so hard. People keep telling me I can't wait around forever and that being in love just isn't good enough. But there's no one I can see better than him so ill wait and see. Cheers.

Very true. That's why it's so hard. People keep telling me i can't wait around forever and that being in love just isnt good enough. But there's no one i can see better than him so ill wait and see. Cheers.

Don't listen to what your friends tell you. Hold on to what you've got! Wait and see if things don't turn out wonderful for you both! Your boyfriend sounds like a really nice guy. :)

Read my response to talaniman and i wish. Those questions were other people. Im not wandering. Very ready to be with him. I only want him. Good to hear u had children at that age with no problem. So happy about that.

Sorry if I missed those comments. I thought those posts were yours.

My kids are in the next room laughing right now--both healthy and getting good grades. I do not feel like it was too late at all. :)

Infertility is an individual thing. Sure, there can be more problems (on average) between 35 and 45, but it's really gradual, so there's not a lot of difference between 25 and 30. I'm talking biology now.

Enjoy these years when it's just the two of you. This is the time when you can lay the foundation for a strong relationship that will weather difficulties that come later in life. Just love him.

Cool, well ill take your word for it because your the biology expert :) I heard there's some tests you can take to see when your biological clock is ready. Maybe ill try that. Thank you for your time. Good luck with your kids.

Enjoy these years when it's just the two of you. This is the time when you can lay the foundation for a strong relationship that will weather difficulties that come later in life. Just love him.

Ask yourself these questions

If I do go out with someone else.. Will I lose him?

If we do breakup and I marry someone else can I love someone else as I love him?

What happens if I marry someone else, have children and he is still the only one I love?

Maybe he is waiting to see if you really are ready to settle down.

Maybe by going out and looking at other men he is wondering if he is the one you want.

I'm not an expert but think about these questions. Talk to him about the matter. Ask him if he feels insecure about you?

I really do hope you two work things out and I'm in no way judging you. I'm just trying to help. Blessings to both of you!:)

For one thing, allowing others to post under your name is confusing and disingenuous to the integrity of the site and not allowed. Second being the one that had to read, merge, and edit, this bull crap together and then give you some thoughtful advice, only to find out you and your friends are doing some research without the courtesy of disclosing that very important fact, I find it offensive. We are not your guinea pigs for some school project, nor will be the butt of your silly immature, offensive and BS games.

If you can't be straight, and keep it real, waste someone else's time and efforts.

We try to help real people through some very real stuff for free, and you have enough advice at everyone's expense, so this thread is closed and frankly if you can't be honest, find another playground you spoiled azz kid!

Tell your friends that too!

I disagree. I think a person has a right for their question to be answered for further growth. The answers were also helping those women/students in the process. I think that people should be answering the actual question rather than constantly referring back to previous irrelevant questions/topics that end up leading to no answer whatsover and then is a waste of time. I do not consider it a game, only a way for answers for different people's dilemmas. I know u think it's confusing when it relates to more than one person with more than one story, but then again, i don't think it's important to refer to the other questions. I personally think it's better to focus on the question being asked.

I don't agree, as background information is the key to understanding, and giving the best advice, and as with any advice, the more facts the better to paint the whole picture. And as with any site, people often don't like the advice given, so they start a new question, and sometimes word it different.

My main complaint with you, and your thread was that others had used your account under YOUR name so it made it seem like one person. That's not fair, and that's not how this site is run. You may disagree, that's on you, but as the moderator in this section facts, and as much background is important, and relevant, because they can be related. Your friends can post under their own identities, that would be fair, and that's the way we operate, not only to deal with trolls and others who come to play games but to understand and give the best advice. That's why people come here, so we all have to at least play by the same rules just for honesty sake. That's the whole point of having everyone here have the ability to go back and glean facts from other things the OP has posted, it paints a better picture rather than just advising in generic terms.

So if your friends have questions, let them open an account, because they have to get their own answers as do you, so just imagine the picture that was painted under your name, and the reputation it may convey. And what about others who come for answers and relate to the situations and experiences of others, but don't ask a question? Do they not at least deserve the whole truth? Don't we all? That's the whole point, being honest, and presenting the truth!

Sorry you don't agree, but that's how we try to roll here. That's why I am adding this to your post, because others can benefit I feel. Thanks though for expressing yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicolii
Ps u didn't have to "merge and edit the bull crap." No one forced u. We really wanted some genuine answers. And the reason I was so offended was because I found your response to be offensive once again with no answer which is why I came on the site in the first place - for answers. Do u actually call your response "thoughtful". What's thoughtful about it. What we sent out was REAL stuff, no game, and I feel that U have wasted our time.
Read what I posted to your thread, and then read the rules as posting under another alias, or using another's account is against the rules, and is alias abuse, and punishable by being BANNED, so keep it real, and so will I. As I said if you wanted genuine answers you have to be honest and truthful. It's that simple so just follow the rules and if you don't like the way I moderate, report me to the administrator. Just PM, Curlyben and take it up with him.