New her at 16 , have indirectly kept intouch with her over the past forty years, want to be with her, She says I deserve better we talk and at the end she says she Loves Me , and I don't know if she is just being nice to me or she really Loves Me , When we were 16 and 17 we went toughter for two years and we did Love each other, I know she still cares, I think she has a very low selfasteem. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I have Loved her deeply ever since I met her , are first kiss.

Well, what has happened over the past 40 years? A lot, I'm sure. Your lives are both totally different now than they were 40 years ago. How much contact do you have with each other now? Do you see each other socially at all? In any case, I'd advise you to take things slow and easy and not pressure her at all. Cut back on the protestations of "love." Just keep talking and getting to know each other without pushing.

I agree with s_cianci. Just work at getting to know each other.

After 40 years what's the hurry now? Go slow. A lot has happened in both your lives. Get to know each other, again.

I agree with all the other posts, you will likely have both gone through many changes over the past 40 years and as you probably know, time does change people in certain ways. You will likely be different people than you both were when you were 16.

It is just a case of getting to know each other again, slowly!

She says I deserve better we talk and at the end she says she Loves Me

I think she has a very low selfasteem.

What is it she thinks you deserve better than? Are you married?

Why do you think she has low self-esteem?

I'm hearing the jingle of warning bells here.

While I believe that love never really dies for any of us, things do change significantly by how willing people are to trust and act on their love. I agree with OG, there isn't enough of a picture here to understand very well. Why do you speak of only talk -- are you not in the same town and this is all by phone?

Ever since I made contact(2yrs ago) I've seen her twice, it was a good meeting the second time I spent the night, she cooked me dinner and breakfast( she does live in another town) nothing happened just fun seeing her, as we talked she told me her very deep deep secrets that has happened in her life, I asked her have you ever told anyone else this, she said no, I ask why she was telling me and she said that she trust me, I felt honored and that she did still love me, telling me and only me, and with her secrets I can relate to her low selfasteem

What is it about your situation that makes her think you deserve better? Are you married?

Well, what has happened over the past 40 years? A lot, I'm sure. Your lives are both totally different now than they were 40 years ago. How much contact do you have with each other now? Do you see each other socially at all? In any case, I'd advise you to take things slow and easy and not pressure her at all. Cut back on the protestations of "love." Just keep talking and getting to know each other without pushing.

Ever since I made contact(2yrs ago) I've seen her twice, it was a good meeting the second time I spent the night, she cooked me dinner and breakfast( she does live in another town) nothing happened just fun seeing her, as we talked she told me her very deep deep secrets that has happened in her life, I asked her have you ever told anyone else this, she said no, I ask why she was telling me and she said that she trust me, I felt honored and that she did still love me, telling me and only me, and with her secrets I can relate to her low selfasteem
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I agree with s_cianci. Just work at getting to know each other.

Ever since I made contact(2yrs ago) I've seen her twice, it was a good meeting the second time I spent the night, she cooked me dinner and breakfast( she does live in another town) nothing happened just fun seeing her, as we talked she told me her very deep deep secrets that has happened in her life, I asked her have you ever told anyone else this, she said no, I ask why she was telling me and she said that she trust me, I felt honored and that she did still love me, telling me and only me, and with her secrets I can relate to her low selfasteem
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Something to keep in mind. Life changes everyone. Who we were at 16 or 17 is not the same person we are at 25- 35- 40. Go slow. Take it easy. Get to know who you are now... love will prevail.

Ever since I made contact(2yrs ago) I've seen her twice, it was a good meeting the second time I spent the night, she cooked me dinner and breakfast( she does live in another town) nothing happened just fun seeing her, as we talked she told me her very deep deep secrets that has happened in her life, I asked her have you ever told anyone else this, she said no, I ask why she was telling me and she said that she trust me, I felt honored and that she did still love me, telling me and only me, and with her secrets I can relate to her low selfasteem
I was married for 34 yrs.wife past 3 yrs ago.

Um Lary, no need to post the same information again and again here, we all see this same thread, okay?

My condolences to you about the loss of your wife of 34 years. Thank you for sharing that since we weren't sure what the situation was. Sounds like you are both single and available. Good! And it sounds like you are already being easy does it about it too. Good again! LOL I must say you gave me a little chuckle! We are sometimes so used to people here cheating or rushing that we needed to know some things, I hope you can appreciate that part. Anyway...

The only thing hindering it is that you don't live in the same town. I think you can pursue this but both needs to understand that if it becomes serious, someone is moving. So with that in mind, can you assess at this point (which is still a long way off from serious, I know) how firmly "planted" you both are? Even though its kind of premature, you might even have a wee bit of conversation about it -- your call on that one.

If that doesn't seem like a deal breaker, then invite each other back and forth between the towns maybe as part of your fun courtship! That way you can know what each is like in the other's town. It will help (if and when the time comes) to decide who's moving. Good luck!

Yes, I'm much relieved you're not in a bad marriage looking for someone to save you from it. It sounds like you just might have a chance at a good relationship with this woman, but as everyone has said, do go slow. Treat it like you would any new acquaintance, because the 40-year interval means that you are both different people than you were back then. Also be aware that due to the secret hurts in her past, she will have some major healing to do before she's really able to enter into a completely healthy relationship--another reason to go slow. Your kindness and friendship can help her healing process, but you can't rescue her singlehandedly, so be careful not to try to do for her what she can only do for herself. I really wish you well, and please keep us posted as things progress.

What is it about your situation that makes her think you deserve better? Are you married?

No my wife passed three yrs ago, I was in love with this woman before I met my wife, I was with the wife for 34 yrs

Yes, I'm much relieved you're not in a bad marriage looking for someone to save you from it. It sounds like you just might have a chance at a good relationship with this woman, but as everyone has said, do go slow. Treat it like you would any new acquaintance, because the 40-year interval means that you are both different people than you were back then. Also be aware that due to the secret hurts in her past, she will have some major healing to do before she's really able to enter into a completely healthy relationship--another reason to go slow. Your kindness and friendship can help her healing process, but you can't rescue her singlehandedly, so be careful not to try to do for her what she can only do for herself. I really wish you well, and please keep us posted as things progress.

Thank You so much! And I will.

Um Lary, no need to post the same information again and again here, we all see this same thread, okay?

My condolences to you about the loss of your wife of 34 years. Thank you for sharing that since we weren't sure what the situation was. Sounds like you are both single and available. Good! And it sounds like you are already being easy does it about it too. Good again! LOL I must say you gave me a little chuckle! We are sometimes so used to people here cheating or rushing that we needed to know some things, I hope you can appreciate that part. Anyway...

The only thing hindering it is that you don't live in the same town. I think you can pursue this but both needs to understand that if it becomes serious, someone is moving. So with that in mind, can you assess at this point (which is still a long way off from serious, I know) how firmly "planted" you both are? Even though its kinda premature, you might even have a wee bit of conversation about it -- your call on that one.

If that doesn't seem like a deal breaker, then invite each other back and forth between the towns maybe as part of your fun courtship! That way you can know what each is like in the other's town. It will help (if and when the time comes) to decide who's moving. Good luck!


One phone call I told her I was looking for rings, also I told her to draw a floor plan because I wanted to build us a house, she said it must have a large kitchen, told her as big as she wanted it, also I told her it must have a porch so we both can sit in our chairs and watch the grand kids or just sit there and hold hands, when we said good by , this is when she said Lary I Love You (Don't know how to react to that statement other then what I said in other notes to ASK, I told her I Loved her too! And said good by.