So I posted earlier this week about how this guy I was dating left me when things seem to be fine. My head is buzzing. I don't know what to do. I keep remembering that he said there may be a future for us and that I can't try and get him back immediately, but in the next breath I remember him saying if he didn't want me he wouldn't be around and low and behold he isn't around, but is it because he needs some space? Well yeah because that is what he asked me for, time and space because he has some mental issues going on. But you know what? This is driving me insane! I can't handle this not knowing. I really care for him, and right now I just want him to be happy and heal from what ever he has going on. He is so sweet and has been hurt in the past from girls who don't know how to treat him. I really hope and wish things work out between us, but in the next breath I think, will he do this again? Will it be a viscous cycle? I don't know how you can be happy with me one minute and be a mess the next? My mom thinks he is bipolar or has schizophrenia or something if he keeps saying he doesn't talk about it and doesn't want it anymore and thought it was gone and its all in his head. I mean I asked him if there was someone else and he said no, there is no one else. I believe him, he doesn't seem like the type to cheat because he always told me he had games played on him, why would he do it to someone else? So I decided to be the stronger person and give him what he wants. Time and space. I haven't heard from him in two days and I will not text him because I know he is under pressure. Its like a freak-in switch flipped and he turned into the guy I don't know.

Besides all of the problems with him, I am suffering through Depression. I was diagnosed with it 5 years ago and even before I met this guy, it has been bugging me lately. I am so emotional, I lash out, I withdraw from people, and I am missing school. School is been put on hold basically because I am SOOOOO over whelmed with everything going on. I am a Pre-Veterinary student and I have a high GPA, but this past several months have been hell for me! I don't have any will or drive to do anything. My parents think its all because of him but its not, I am not so much upset over him, but upset I can't be myself, like I was during the summer! Happy, go free, proud of who I was, and a great person to be around. Now its like I am someone else. I am miserable. I am emotional. I am the way I was 5 years ago. I don't want anyone to know it. So people think I am happy and care free. That I live my life in perfectness. I don't!! My parents are so confused and keep yelling at me to eat and drink. But I don't, I don't do anything. I sit around and try and WANT to get out but I just can't find the energy. I called my doctor and she was thinking about putting me in the hospital, but I don't want to go there. I just want to be here, I never want to go back to the hospital ever again. It was like a prison and I was crazy or something. I am not crazy, just going through hard !

I am sorry this is so long, but I feel better when I write it down. I just want my life back and I want to be happy, and I want to enjoy school once again. Not this bull of crying all the time or not having energy.

The pain is getting better of knowing he isn't around. I don't check my phone as much, and I stopped the urges of wanting to text him to see if he is okay. Would I take him back if things worked out in his head... maybe. I don't know, I really like him, but the head game thing is what I dealt with before and it sucks, and I don't deserve that. I say what happens, happens. If we were to take it slow again, sure, but if it boils down to us not ever seeing each other again, well then, his loss, not mine. I am a strong, beautiful, woman, I just have issues I have to work on first.

View it from this perspective... WHY would you want this guy... much less obsess over it? I mean, hell, exactly WHAT is so great about him anyway? Because I fail to even see a reason to be late for lunch over him.

Take a step back... take a few deep breaths... and understand, few things in life are even worth getting this obsessed about... and even fewer people.

The ones that are.. would no do this sort of thing to another person.


Here is a simple quote that's been around a long, long time... and in it many truths can be found.

"Take care of the big things....and the little things will take care of themselves....."

Casual relationships are NOT a big thing... Family relationships ARE.

Education is a BIG thing... JOB is a big thing... immediate life needs related to food, housing and income are BIG things... those you worry about. Things like this guy are not...