This girl and I had been together for awhile, in the beginning of our relationships I missed up and went and visit my ex girlfriend. She found out and we almost broke up but thankfully she gave me a chance. Few months later after that incident my ex girlfriend went to my work and she wanted a ride home, she lives 3 hours away from where I lie. I was so stupid to say yes I went and took her home, I forgot my cell phone at my work that night so I didn't get to contact my girlfriend that night. She was so worried about me and all night she was crying, But while the drive with my ex nothing happened I just dropped her off and went back home nothing else happen. I was in a relationship with that girl for about 2 years so she was doing her best to get me back. The next morning I tried talking to my girl but she was mad and ask where I was and stupid me I lied and said I went to help a friend of mine go to the hospital. She didn't believe me but I convinced her and she took me back. Few months later she found out and I thought it was really over. I bigged went on my knees and ask her to give me one last chance, so she did and ever since we had trust problems which I didn't care cause I know I would prove it to her that I am not going to hurt her anymore. Everything went well and we loved each other very much. Then a couple weeks ago we had a fight and we both had a mutual break up. Few days after the break up I wanted her back and I realized that I need her in my life and that I am madly in love with her. When me and her talk she says lets take it slow. She says she loves me but she just wants to take it slow. What does that mean, does it mean that she is with another man, or does she need space. What should I do. What should I say to her. I know we had our differences but when me and her are alone its like the world does not matter and its only me and her. She mean the world to me but if I have no chance of getting back I don't want to waist my time waiting for nothing. Sorry this is long I just want you guys to know the whole problem of the relationships.

No one can answer those questions except her.
You must communicate with one another if you have any chance of having a healthy relationship.
Tell her what you said here and ask her what she expects from you and discuss what you expect or need from her.
Talk,talk talk! It is the only way you will know what is truly on her mind.

Past events have made her suspicious, and it seems trying to cover your tracks looked like lying, so she dumped you, and now what to do?

First you ask her what is this taking it slow stuff mean? She is the only one who knows, and you go from there. And be a better listener ,as this should have been already cleared up.

Now be aware that some girls say this to make you chase them, or see how hard you fight for them, and not always, but usually, they get tired of you making a fool of yourself trying to impress them, so they never take you back.

Ask her what she means, and decide what you want to do about it. Keep in mind, how many times you blew it, to get the reaction you had.

Sorry man, but you really shouldn't lie to someone you love.

You've give her reason to mistrust you now, even if you want to prove yourself.

The others have given you some helpful advice.

I would also add that you've broken the trust a few times now, so you can't expect her to forgive you overnight. It takes a lot of time to rebuild the trust.

If you loved her as much as you say you do, then a timeline shouldn't matter to you. The important thing is that she's willing to continue to talk to you, which means she's still giving you chances to rebuild the trust.

Quit rushing to repair something that takes time.

I know she doesn't trust me but I was also there for her when she needed me. I have to go through the bs with her family and all her family do is hurt me emotionally everyday but I stuck with it cause she stuck with what I did to her. I know I shouldn't lie to someone I love but I was desperate I needed a way out and what it did is bite me in my rear. All I could say we had a talk and its not the lie and what I did that's the problem, she just wants to take it slow whatever that means. What does that mean? I love her so much and just taking it slow kills me. What should I do

Talk to her honestly, like what you should have been doing in the beginning.

That's what you do now. Not beg, plead, whine, or complain. But simply talk to her.

Doesn't matter what it means , the fact is you're the one who's lost her trust and that's not something that you can win back overnight. So you have to decide whether your willing to "take it slow" and win that trust back or you take a walk.

She's just putting her gurad up now, and its sketchy and doesn't want to get hurt anymore.
She's probably not seeing anyone else, just wants some time to herself and to think things through, but at the same time, not loose you completely.

This is something only time can heal. Just don't let her forget your there for her, and just giver her her time and space.

OK so we were txting each other today. And I asked her a question and I said. "are u glad ur not hungry anymore...hahaha" then she replyed with "aha aww thank you" and I said "thank you for what" and then she said "ahahah idk" then I relpyed with "u meant to txt some1 else huh" then she said know I swear, then I ask her if your not why would you laugh and say aww thank u. Then she replyed with I have no idea. What does that mean, it seems like she meant to text it to someone else. Am I over analyzing this or is it really happening is she really talking to someone else. I would give her time and space and I would be there for her but if she is talking to someone else then I won't even bother.

I have no idea if she's talking to someone else only she would , BUT if you keep questioning her on it that'll push her away for sure. Whether she is or isn't.

ok so we were txting eachother today. and i asked her a question and i said. "are u glad ur not hungry anymore...hahaha" then she replyed with "aha aww thank you" and i said "thank you for what" and then she said "ahahah idk" then i relpyed with "u meant to txt some1 else huh" then she said knw i swear, then i ask her if ur not y would u laugh and say aww thank u. Then she replyed with i have no idea. What does that mean, it seems like she meant to txt it to some1 else. am i over analyzing this or is it really happening is she really talking to some1 else. i would give her time and space and i would be there for her but if she is talking to some1 else then i wont even bother.

I think you are over thinking it. She was just saying something for the sake of giving a response.

What do you mean about the sake of giving a response? Sorry I'm not good at analyzing women

ok so we were txting eachother today. and i asked her a question and i said. "are u glad ur not hungry anymore...hahaha" then she replyed with "aha aww thank you" and i said "thank you for what" and then she said "ahahah idk" then i relpyed with "u meant to txt some1 else huh" then she said knw i swear, then i ask her if ur not y would u laugh and say aww thank u. Then she replyed with i have no idea. What does that mean, it seems like she meant to txt it to some1 else. am i over analyzing this or is it really happening is she really talking to some1 else. i would give her time and space and i would be there for her but if she is talking to some1 else then i wont even bother.


Hmm.. vverryyy shady.
Just try the no contact rule.

What is the no contact rule supposed to do?

Originally Posted by logic101
OK so we were txting each other today. And I asked her a question and I said. "are u glad ur not hungry anymore...hahaha" then she replyed with "aha aww thank you" and I said "thank you for what" and then she said "ahahah idk" then I relpyed with "u meant to txt some1 else huh" then she said know I swear, then I ask her if your not why would you laugh and say aww thank u. Then she replyed with I have no idea. What does that mean, it seems like she meant to text it to someone else. Am I over analyzing this or is it really happening is she really talking to someone else. I would give her time and space and I would be there for her but if she is talking to someone else then I won't even bother.

I admit, I have no clue what YOU are talking about! Might be the chat/text, IDK, but it makes no sense. But I am starting to see where the communications breakdown is. Face to face English would help a lot. And some spell check. No wonder your confused.

Okay,
This girl wants validation.
That's what most girls seek..
Validation that you're still there..
So that she can do what she wants, and still have you at her feet when she so desires.
And once they get that validation, they're done seeing you try and fight for them. And its on to the next one..


Not contacting will make this backfire. It will make he wonder about you, and worry her a bit.. then she'll snap out of this mode she's in and you'll get some real stuff out of her.

OK I just told her that I would wait for her and take it slow and I would not be talking to any girls. Then she replyed saying that she is happy that I said that. Do you think I did the right thing.

Let us know how that works out for you.

ok i just told her that i would wait for her and take it slow and i would not be talking to any girls. Then she replyed saying that she is happy that i said that. do you think i did the right thing.

Sounds like the right decision , now stick to it and don't pester her.

What do you mean about pestering her.

Check out my signature for no contact related threads.

Pester her as in bother, push or pressure her to give you an answer.

She will talk to you when she's ready.

Check out my signature for no contact related threads.

Pester her as in bother, push or pressure her to give you an answer.

She will talk to you when she's ready.

Had to spread the love Iwish , but that's exactly what I meant.

mkay...

this is me trying to not be a rude jerk. Sometimes I need to try a lot harder.

you need to get off your knees, get your head out of a really dark place, and maybe find a backbone. Buy a pair? Seriously.

now... before I'm bashed for being a know-it-all snot whose holier-than-thou attitude is only bested by my hollow chest thumping and #@(^ waving... understand I only feel entitled to be harsh in my criticism because I've been a moron too. I've been the king of the fidiots... more than once.

if you aren't lying about seeing an ex (dumb idea) you are begging for forgiveness when simply talking to an ex...

and then you are confused when the girl you just broke up with decides to maybe proceed with caution?

1) stop lying about what you are doing or where you are going. Its dumb. If you have to lie about things like this, you are with the wrong person or doing the wrong thing

2) I get that you should respect your gf's feelings... but really... it sounds to me like if she ever hears that you were anywhere near another women... that you'd get reamed a new one just for sitting down in a seat still warm from the tush of a cute girl who just left it. Ick to that. She is insecure. Then again, why wouldn't she be if you are lying about talking to ex's.

3) if you think you can mutually agree to break and then decide to get together and then be ticked that you aren't going full steam ahead... uhm... what the hell just happened? You decide there are reasons to not be together... are those reasons suddenly fixed? She is finally showing at least some sense in being cautious and that leaves you worrying and fretting... can we please have some middle ground?

k.

even I'm getting tired of being a smartarse here. I'm frustrated cause I've done some of this and I know you're probably not done making some of these mistakes...

I don't think you should be dating. Period. Tell me what was wrong before, why the break, and how things were fixed... and "i love her so much i need her" is NOT a reason. Try again. It was broken how? It was fixed how? Convince me it was a good idea to get back together.

but if you are going to date, I think she at least has some clue about how to progress. Step back a little for perspective. If you two are going to date (and I don't think you should, in case I didn't say it already) what is the harm in resetting and taking it slower? Convince me that being a little cautious is bad for this relationship... "taking things slow is super bad because __________________"

man, am I ever in a mood tonight. Oh well. Not the first time, not the last.

OK so my ex and I were txting late tonight and she ask me what I was going to do. And I simply replied and said I am going to fresno and visit my brother. He goes to fresno state. She got mad and said OK have fun and good bye. What does that mean. I don't know why she got mad because she's the one that wants to take it slow and once I told her that I'm going somewhere she starts getting mad and start acting like my girlfriend. WHy do you think she just got mad and don't want to text me anymore.

kp2171 do you believe that two couples that had broken up can get back together and better there relationships, or do you think once is over then it completely done. I know there is no harm resetting and taking things slow, but in the back of my mind I don't want her to move on and be with someone else. And why do you think I should not be with some one at this moment. I might not see it at this moment and I know what the outcome of this relationship is going to be because I'm guessing you've been to my shoes many times before. If she said its over and I don't want to see you again then I will be fine and I'll leave it alone. But she goes and say that she wants to make it slow and that she doesn't want me to be talking to any other girls, this is what gets me confused, I want to be with her and get her back but she acts so weird and so confusing. What do you think it is. I ask her if she wants to end it for good but she says no and we should just take things slow what the f** is that. Either she wants me or not. Am I just being so inpatient. Should I just leave her alone and let her clear her mind or should I just say once your ready for me then you can contact me, what should I do what should I say.

If you're no longer in a relationship,and it seems you're not, why are you allowing her to call all the shots.

You are a free agent,you can come and go as you please,without asking her permission.

If you reread what you have just written, you will see a lot of she says, and she wants. Its always about her. You want her so bad, not only do you allow her total control of this relationship, you allow her to define it with the only input from YOU, is agreeing to whatever she says. That's the problem. You want her back so bad, you want to please her so much, you are so afraid of her leaving, and getting someone else, you allow her to run over you.

Maybe you made some mistakes, and lied, but you did nothing wrong, but lie about it. It's a big red flag when a partner gets mad for anything they see as against their rules, and acts without explanation.

Can't you see she has issues? Insecurity for one, right or wrong, and she takes that out on you by forbidding you to talk with other girls, that's a form of control, because she will punish you if you do, and in fact has.

Now she is mad, and thinks you should know why? Does that make sense? Not to me it doesn't, but she is mad because your doing something she doesn't want you to do, so more punishment.

In case your wondering, your supposed to chase her for an explanation, and agree to kiss her butt, and change your plans.

Don't do that, you have done enough of that kind of thing, and you really need to stop letting the hopes of getting back with her, dictate how much crap you take because if you haven't figured it out yet, the more crap you take, the more she will give. It was talking to other girls that pizzed her of before, now its doing things on your own, without permission, and she may have a case, if you let her, that you didn't tell her first, even though she asked you. That's really logical right?


do you believe that two couples that had broken up can get back together and better there relationships, or do you think once is over then it completely done.
Further, with all the texting, and chit chat back and forth, you still have not worked to solve the problems that broke you up. You are still going with her flow, and she is calling the shots all the way, and making the rules. You struggle to obey, and are so confused when you get punished. This isn't a relationship, it's a dictatorship, and you're the slave, and guess who is master?

Every ones point has been discuss, and define your differences, establish boundaries of good behavior, together. Not her, telling you, how you should act.

Now she is mad, leave her alone to get over it herself, and do your thing. She will either talk about it from a position of equality, honesty, and good will, or leave you alone with the BS.
Just as you lied, and got punished, how dare she get mad without explanation. (She thinks your going to have fun without her, and be around a lot of hot girls), but she needs to tell you that and you reassure her, and she trust you, or this will never work.

Now for the rules,
Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

You have agreed to take it slow, so now your single, as is she. Your equals, and have to voice your opinion, and guide this relationship the same as she does. Leave it to her, as you have so far, and you will get told what to do, as you have already.

Leave her alone, even if she stays mad for two weeks at you. And stay off your knees.

She is not happy unless she has contol.

That you have a life and choose to live it (fresno) irritates her because the spotlight should be on her when she wants it and how she wants it... but when she doesn't want it you need to still listen...

Look. I don't know her and I doubt she's as "bad" as she's coming across here.

But you asked what does it mean... it means that she wants you to be available in a breath for when she's needing something, it means any kind of real, independent life you have outside of her threatens her, and it means a whole lot o' mind games are still in order.

Until she sees her behavior as manipulative and controlling AND has a problem with that AND honestly wished to change... this relationship is not going to change. She's going to last out, you are going to keep asking "what does that mean" and eventually one of you is going to get sick of it and call it done.

Please go to fresno. Live a life that is not grounded in any one relationship. If she is irritated that you are seeking a balanced life, then she is irritated that you are trying to be healthy... and honestly, that completely goes against the "lets take it slow"...

Her "lets take it slow" isn't sounding like lets work through this together... sounds more like "i make you no promises and i want to control this completely"...

Go see your brother! And dear lord... have fun. Even talk to another girl or two. Any lashing out by her shows that nothing is solved, nothing has changed.


ok so my ex and i were txting late tonight and she ask me what i was going to do. And i simply replied and said i am going to fresno and visit my brother. He goes to fresno state. She got mad and said ok have fun and good bye. what does that mean. i dont know why she got mad because shes the one that wants to take it slow and once i told her that im going somewhere she starts getting mad and start acting like my girlfriend. WHy do you think she just got mad and dont want to txt me anymore.

Thanks everyone for helping me get through with the biggest obstacles that my life have ever came across emotionally. I did go to fresno and I'm staying here for the weekend just to get my head clear and to get to know who I was and who I want to become. I am so glad I found this website and to know that I'm not the only one that's going through this alone. Question I want to ask, after you lost your very big first love have anyone of you guys found someone better that made you guys happier then you could ever be. Or is it once you lost your first love no other girls is better, no other girls could compare how you felt about her.

Question i want to ask, after you lost your very big first love have anyone of you guys found someone better that made you guys happier then you could ever be. or is it once you lost your first love no other girls is better, no other girls could compare how you felt about her.

Absolutely , and yes I know you don't feel like you will at the moment and that's quite normal.

And you then end up looking back at your past Relationships and see them for what they really were.

Question I want to ask, after you lost your very big first love have anyone of you guys found someone better that made you guys happier then you could ever be. Or is it once you lost your first love no other girls is better, no other girls could compare how you felt about her.
I don't know about them being better, but I think you will enjoy them better, because you are better than you were.

Games.
You lied & screwed up & now you are mistrusting her.

Whoa dude.

I lied and yes I did screwed up. But after that I had done my best to gain her trust back, I stopped contact with all the girls I know, stopped contact with all my friends, everywhere I go she was there with me, so I change everything I can so she won't think that I was doing something wrong. The break up wasn't about what I did it was just a small fight we had and it escalated it to something big and yea she just decided to want to take it slow. IF she really loved me the way she says it, will then why would she even bother asking to take things slow. Its pissing me off and its making me realized how stupid I was to sacrifice everything I know and everything I have so I just can be with her, and now she left me I have to do everything over again, I feel lost and empty and feel like my life is nothing because I don't have her. Why do girls say they love you one day then the next they just want to take things slow, I thought when you love someone your suppose to work things through and make things better for the relationship.

You are, if you have a partner that feels as you do about it.

Sorry, that's not what you have.

OK. I have been doing the No Contact rule for about 2 days now, its been really hard for me to not text her or contact her. I guess what I've been thinking is why haven't she contacted me, is it because she had already moved on, or is she's just waiting for me to give in. whatever the reason is I'm just hurting and hoping that we can ever get back together but I'm guessing her love is already been dead before she even broke it off. I know I should go and move on with my life but the thought of her moving on and not even thinking about us hurts me really. I love her to death but I guess you can't make someone love you. Can someone please help me get through this, doing the NO CONTACT really does hurts and its hard in the beginning but I know that it would be worth it at the end, I'm just wondering when is this pain I'm feeling is suppose to last and when does it starts getting easy and I can finally live my life.

You will get through it,we all have.

Stay no contact,it gets easier day by day.
Keep busy and keep your mind busy.
Do things you enjoy with people you like and who care for you.

It hurts now,but time is on your side.

You already know, like you said.

There's not a switch that went off. Its been going on while you've been playing Im sorry.

The reason she hasn't contacted you is because she wants to move on & you don't.

Have some nuts & walk from this one. Understand what you want & how to treat people you care about. In the future I mean. Not her. She's out-ski.

Don't put anymore pressure on her.

Go NC. Accept her wishes & roll.

We can tell you what to do, but unless you actually do something for yourself, nothing good can happen. So read the stickies, at the beginning of this forum. They will give you guidance and directions for helping yourself.