Hey there, my ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and won't even talk to me. I did nothing bad to her but be there for her and loved her. I don't even want to get back with her just didn't want to leave things like this. Any advise what I should do?

Leave her alone. I know it hurts, but she isn't replying because she just doesn't want to. You need to move on. Maybe all she knows is how to be your girlfriend, not an ex-girlfriend or a "friend". Keep yourself busy and soon you won't even think about her. Best of luck.

Whatever her reasons are,leave it be and continue moving on with your own life.
The past is the past,live in the present.

I totally agree with last posts. She is not into talking right now and she has gone no contact. Means no matter what you do it'll be impossible to get through to her. You aren't interested in getting back together and I'm sure that's what she thinks will happen if she talks to you so just leave her be. She is trying to heal and you need to heal as well. Eventually you will find some closure.

Maybe she is doing it because it is easier to not be friends with you right now.
Some people close a door and it stays shut forever.
Bottom line,you need to respect her wishes and let it go so that you can start living in the present and enjoying your life.

For whatever reason she doesn't want to talk to you, so leave it at that

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its just been hard to accept the facts. What I don't get is that she left me a message 2 months ago saying how I was the best boyfriend I could have been to anybody and that she said shell always be there to talk to. Something just doesn't add up. Im getting tired of thinking about her everyday but don't know how to shut it off..

I can only speculate to what reasons she has but as the others say you need to back off and leave her alone. Realise that the more you push it right now the farther you push her away.

Sledsik,


Breakup are tough for both the dumper and dumpee. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago so I can give you my perspective. She doesn't want to talk to you part of the reason could be that she doesn't want to bring back the feeling she had for you. Maybe there are trouble in your relationship that you are not aware of.

The way I think about it is if I started talking to my ex and be friend then it would cause me more uneccesaray pain. It's better for you to leave her alone and if she decided she want to talk to you she will.

Actions speak louder than words. Her actions clearly show that she's not longer interested, that's all you really need to know.

Don't need to beat yourself up about it by figuring out the reasoning. It's completely unnecessary.

Spend your time doing something else, something positive for yourself. Hang out with friends. Keep yourself distracted so that you don't have to sort out the facts.

I want to get over it but it just bothers me that she won't even give me one word. I sent her a message a few days ago before I made this thread and told her that I don't hate her and that I don't want her to hate me either. I also said that Ill always care about her and how she's doing and if she needs anyone to talk to that Ill be there. I didn't mention that I wanted to get back with her I just wanted to tell her how I feel. Our relationship lasted only 9 months but I did love the girl a lot. After being broken up for 3 months Im a lot better than I was but still think about her when I wake up. Just bothers me that somebody you loved won't even give you the time of day, even after sending a message like that.

That's one of the reasons NC and the dignified silence works-for you and your own healing.

It ends the confusion of waiting for replies to messages that may never happen.

Keep moving on and know that it gets better day by day.

If she came here and said "i broke up with my bf and im having problems keeping my mind straight" wed tell her No Contact. Absolutely.

Same goes for you.

I've reconnected with exs down the line, as friends again, but it took time and distance. My experience is keeping contact as "just friends" during the getting over it stage only causes delayed healing and often causes more problems. And keeping in contact with hopes of getting back together is also a bad idea.

So... please respect her need to step away. It doesn't diminish whatever you had. Its just reality. An ex in your life makes life harder most of the time.

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its just been hard to accept the facts. What I dont get is that she left me a message 2 months ago saying how I was the best boyfriend I coulda been to anybody and that she said shell always be there to talk to. Something just doesnt add up. Im getting tired of thinking bout her everyday but dont know how to shut it off..

Clearly,she has had a change of heart or perhaps she just wasn't into you in a boyfriend ,girlfriend kind of way.
Maybe she didn't have romantic feelings toward you.
There is a ton of good advice on this site that will help you to get over her and move on.
It takes works but if you apply the tools you can make it easier on yourself.
Stay busy and focus on making yourself happy.
It does get better with time but you also have to be willing to accept the facts so you can begin to heal.

Her birthday is in April. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I don't want to be a by not saying anything but you probably know better than I do.

Her birthday is in april. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I dont want to be a by not saying anything but you prolly know better than I do.

The fact that you're asking the question, it shows that you still care. You only send a card or wish happy birthday if you want her back. It was a difficult decision for me as well, Christmas, new year, valentine, birthday. I manage to do nothing. And if you think that you are being mean or feel guilty, don't because she let you go.

Her birthday is in april. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I dont want to be a by not saying anything but you prolly know better than I do.

I think it would look as if you are trying to get back into her good graces by sending a card.
Your best bet is no contact !
You need to let this go for your own peace of mind.

No contact=no cards-ever.
Save your money and treat yourself instead.

I agree... while I don't think you have to be a jerk... if you've tried to contact her and you get nothing back... well, that says "i really need to not talk to you" from her side...

And if you send her that card... what that says is "im here for you no matter what"... which people like to say all the time but its really a TERRIBLE thing to do... to say you have no standards of what treatment is acceptable? Ick to that!

Loving someone "no matter what" is largely overrated and usually not sustainable...

The other thing sending a card does is it doesn't let her feel what life is without you. And, like it or not, she NEEDS to feel what its like to be without you...

If she finds that its not bearable, fine. If she finds its doable, fine. But its early in the breakup and I think sending that card just feeds into your secret desire to get back with her... and it doesn't let her experience what this breakup really means... that you two are not together, not as bf/gf... and not as best buds.

You don't have her back... you are trying to cover your own...

Your x girlfriend won't talk to you because she is your x girlfriend. You need to move on.

I once read in a book that broke some rules, that if you want to get someone back, begging for them to talk to you.. Crying to them how much you miss them, etc, Actually drives that person further away from you.

She left you because something went wrong. She doesn't want to talk to you because she is either over you or torn inside that it didn't work out. Making a scene for her to see is not going to make her want you, need you, or even want to talk to you.

Be confident. Show her that you can handle this better than she can. Let her come to you. Advise her that YES you will be there for her. But leave it at that. Don't get emotional. Don't get whiney or clingy. She fell in love with a man who was confident about himself. Not someone who is feeling sorry for himself. Or playing the "what if" game.

Maybe that type of approach will work for you. --- And no... Don't send her a card for her birthday. Sweet you may think... But strange, over emotional, and kind of unnecessary is what she is going to think. If you're on talking terms by her birthday.. Buy her a small gift with no significant meaning to it. -- That's what I would do anyway

Everyone here echoes the importance of NC. I agree, and also advise you to accept HER doing NC to you, for your closure, as I have been dumped enough to know that you may never know the reasons they dumped you, because they don't know.

Until you have had to dump someone, its just hard to understand the concept of feelings changing for no apparent reason.

Never send holiday, birthday, or any other day, greetings. If she acknowledges it, you wonder what it means, and freak, and if she doesn't acknowledge your greeting, you wonder what it means, and freak! So don't do it. True NC, is No Contact whatsoever.

Yea man, this question gets asked every now and again and it's a normal question. Don't DO IT!! There will be 1 of 2 reactions from her.

1. there will be none. She will ignore it and forget it happened

2. she will say something like, thanks and you will over analyze it.

She's completely ignoring you. You need to do the same to her.

You say you broke up 3 months ago. Let me ask you this. Did yow send a christmas card or Vday card?

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they won't take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?


Yea man, this question gets asked every now and again and its a normal question. DONT DO IT!!! there will be 1 of 2 reactions from her.

1. there will be none. she will ignore it and forget it happened

2. she will say something like, thanks and you will over analyze it.

Shes completely ignoring you. you need to do the same to her.

You say you broke up 3 months ago. let me ask you this. did yow send a christmas card or Vday card?

We broke up a couple weeks after Christmas and I did not send a Valentines card or say Happy Vday to her or anything. I did see her parents about a month ago and didn't even ask about her, then I saw them again last week and asked about her and she said that it upset her that I didn't even ask about her the first time.

We broke up a couple weeks after Christmas and I did not send a Valentines card or say Happy Vday to her or anything. I did see her parents about a month ago and didnt even ask bout her, then I saw them again last week and asked bout her and she said that it upset her that I didnt even ask bout her the first time.

Sounds like your girlie-girl is as confused and lost as you are. You need to break off all ties to her if you want to get over her. I don't mean you should snob her parents, but maybe just a friendly "hi" and talk about something random if her parents seem to want chit-chat. But you are no longer obligated to talk to her parents. You need to move on.. You almost remind me of the "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" movie where the guy can't get over his X because every corner of his house has a picture of her.

Maybe one of your friends needs to take you out to the bar so you can talk to another girl. You sound way love sick

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they wont take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?

Well... and you are missing the point a little in that statement... its not just about "they ignore me so i ignore them"... not just about why take time if they won't...

Its she shouldn't take time right now. This is time apart that's needed.

And you shouldn't because you aren't over her and keeping in touch right now is energy spent in an area you should be backing away from.


As for how long to reconnect and talk again. Different for each. One big love I never talked to again. Another was about 6 months... which was still too soon. Another was about 6 years, and we are great friends now. Last one I've never lost contact with, as I have a son with her... in that case, I've limited my time around her to just family events. As much as we can be good friends, its simply better to isolate our relationship to nothing beyond parents of a great kid.

Ah, I suspect that seeing her parents triggered some old memories, and feelings in you both, as no doubt they informed her of seeing you.

Just another example of why even the smallest, most innocent kind of contact, can bring those feelings back to the surface.

Stick with NC.

Most people when they have properly healed, rarely have time to dwell on the past, nor have a desire to go back in time, and see if there is a second chance to be had. They instead have rebuilt their lives, and made new friends, and memories, and have explored other options, and opportunities, that life has thrown them.

Your feelings, and curiosity, will pass.

Killer advice so far. All true. Take heed in that.

Plus you said that you don't even want get back with her.

So why care?

We all want some closure, but the reality is you already got it. No sense searching.

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they wont take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?

You are still not hearing us my dear,and you are still clinging to a fantasy.
It is OVER!
Is she the only girl in town?

I know you think there is no other girl for you but there is,however if you are sitting home wasting away pining for a fantasy,you will never find her.
Being needy and clingy is a very unattractive trait and it is a real turn off.

Do yourself a favor and see this as what is is .A girl liked you and then when she got to know you better decided she did not.It does not have to be anyone's fault.
Sometimes people just change their mind and no one is to blame.

Pick yourself up,dust yourself off and know that life goes on but you have to stop living in this fantasy that she will have a change of heart.
She has made herself clear.

Acceptance is the first hurdle.Learn to accept this and for the sake of your mental health... move on.

I know that it is over. It just sucks because I know down the line she will be back. She's going to get into her next relationship and get hurt or realize that it wasn't as good as ours and do a 180 right back to me. We live in the same area. I just don't want her to get hurt and that's exactly what's going to happen. What gets to me the most right now is that it seems as if she doesn't even care about how I feel or what we had. I mean are all girls like this or what. Do they let their head take over instead of emotions and then regret their choices later in life? Im going NC with her from now on out but she never seemed like a person who wouldn't care or change their mind about me, at any time in the relationship even after we broke up.

Don't worry about her future relationships,or how she acts now,just stick with NC for the sake of your own healing.

Dude, she won't comeback, even if she does get hurt, she will get over it, and keep doing her thing, just like you should be doing.

No contact=no cards-ever.
Save your money and treat yourself instead.

Don't waste your time or your money on someone who doesn't even care enough to answer you. Treat yourself with this money. Go out buy some clothes or new CD's, whatever you enjoy. :)

I know that it is over. It just sucks because I know down the line she will be back. Shes going to get into her next relationship and get hurt or realize that it wasnt as good as ours and do a 180 right back to me. We live in the same area. I just dont want her to get hurt and thats exactly whats going to happen. What gets to me the most right now is that it seems as if she doesnt even care bout how I feel or what we had. I mean are all girls like this or what. Do they let their head take over instead of emotions and then regret their choices later in life? Im going NC with her from now on out but she never seemed like a person who wouldnt care or change their mind bout me, at any time in the relationship even after we broke up.

Don't even worry about what MIGHT happen. If you do, then you're going to be waiting every day by the phone. Forget her. You deserve someone else. There are so many people in this world. Lots of beautiful, wonderful, caring women. Not all women are like her. Be happy you found out about her real character now before you had been together for even longer! Have faith, you will find love again.

Ok.. Coming from someone that broke all the rules and got my boyfriend back after we broke up...

1st step.. Go out with your friends. Have a good time. Show her that you can live without her. Show her that you have a life separate from her life. Show her that you can trust her decisions (even though may not like it) and that this whole ordeal is a learning experience.

2nd step. If you talk to her.. Don't be whiney. Don't bring up the relationship that fell apart. Don't talk about what could have been or what should have been... Just talk about something random.. Ask her what she's up to. Tell her about what happened to you on a day. If you two do talk.. Start over. What happened in the past is in the past.

3rd... stop whining. Seriously. We all know your heart broken. We all have been there.. We all know how the pain is the worse pain you will ever feel.. But.. every wound has to be healed. Find something that makes you happy. Something you did all the time before you met her. And start it back up... Push yourself to do that activiy for 10 minutes. The next day, try 15 minutes. Pretty soon, you'll be participating in that activity longer each time.

You need to find happiness that doesn't require someone in your life. Its healthy for you, its healthy for your next relationship... And who knows.. Maybe you PROOVING to her that you can handle yourself.. that you are a strong, capable person will have her WANT to talk to you again.

Stop living in the past and starting living NOW. If you want your girl back, well, she'll have to want to come back first... then you need to stop crying. Her next move is go go out and have fun... Not sit on the phone or be plagued with text messages of, "WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME". Leave her alone. She needs to think and sort through things without your opinion and interference. If she wants to be with you again, if she decided that you are her one and only, she'll make the move. You're not going to make that choice for her.

How would you feel if you broke up with someone... You were confused, not sure if that was the right choice... and the person you broke up with was pestering you every day? Pretty irritated.

The reason you're suffering so much is because you keep setting up false hope in your mind. To add salt to the wound, you're going to be very disappointed due to all the false hope that you're created.

False hope in your situation = You have this impression that she still has feelings for you and that she will come back to you one day.

You might be right and she might come back. But what if she doesn't? You're going to hurt yourself over and over again by holding out the hope.

The point is, you should focus on healing from your wounds. Once you've healed, you will be able to approach your situation in a more objective manner. Focus on yourself.

So what should I do if I still have some stuff at her place. Should I just forget about it for now? Its nothing too important but I would like to have it.

If you don't need it, or it can be replaced, forget it.

So what should I do if I still have some stuff at her place. Should I just forget about it for now? Its nothing too important but I would like to have it.

If you have a friend, ask him to pick it up for you.

The stuff I've walked away from was never worth the emotional noise of trying to get it back when it was clearly going to be a struggle.

It is stuff. If there was something irreplaceable, I wouldn't go further than getting a message to her that just says "i'd like to have whomever pick up whateveritis. please let him know when this would work"...

Only reason I even say this is I did leave some of the only pics of a loved one with one girl and I wish id asked for them... but all the others things I've let go... didn't matter in the long run and wouldn't have been worth the continued noise and effort.

Thank you so much everyone for the advise. It helps a lot to talk about it with other people and vent a little bit. I will stick with No contact and when her birthday does come in April, I won't say anything unless she acknowledges me by then. As for the stuff I will just leave it be, when it gets warmer out Im sure she will see the stuff I have left there. Ill never understand why stuff like this happens to good people like us. People that are always there for the other, care for them, and try to be the best they can to them. Do they just not see it or take us for granted until we are gone? I wish I understood what is going through a girls mind when they do this. Can anyone help me get an idea?

They are usually as confused as you, and looking out for themselves. Especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. That's a lesson to keep in mind in the future, as you may think you know someone, but you never know them that well that you can predict what they will do, but you can look out for yourself, and your own interests, by making sure that person deserves the attention you give them.

Relationship break ups happen all the time as many things can happen to change a partners mind, and feelings, and you just have to cope with them. That's the whole point of learning and growing, as painful as that is for all of us.

The only person who knows is your ex.
And the best thing to do when we can't get any answers,is to let the questions go.

Stay NC and take it one day at the time.

You will get past this,it just takes time.

Good luck.

Threads merged

Hey everyone, my girlfriend broke up with me a little over two months ago. Im a lot better than what I was after it happened. She won't talk to me now for some reason. I would just like to get a better idea what goes through a girls mind after they break up with someone. Do they end up regretting it down the road, think its easier to not talk? Im trying to get a better understanding of what's going on but she won't talk to me. The last time I did I just sent a message saying that I didn't hate her and didn't want her to hate me. I said that Ill always care about her and be there if she needs someone and she never wrote anything back. Can anyone help?

It would be impossible for us to tell you what goes through girls mind after a breakup since everyone is very different.

However, from what I've read about your situation is seems like she definitely isn't regretting her decision since she isn't contacting you whatsoever. She broke up with you, it was probably something she was thinking about doing for awhile before she actually did it.. she was most likely already preparing herself for the breakup in her mind which would have made it a lot easier for her to move on once you two actually broke up. She knows you don't hate her, if she wants to speak to you, she'll contact you.. but by the sounds of it, she's moved on.

She's actually doing you a favor with no contact, it's a lot easier for both parties to move on this way.

Posting another question to bump for different answers will get you merged every time. Might I suggest a more specific question here without starting a new thread.

I have been dumped numerous times for various reasons, and it sucked every single time. It was confusing to say the least, but I learned that accepting it, and making adjustments that kept me busy was the way to go, because in the process of doing my thing, and enjoying it, that break up became further, and further from my mind.

Surprisingly though, I found myself in a position that MY feelings had changed about a female I had been involved with, and decided to end it. Guess what, it sucked just as bad as being dumped. But the solution was the same as being dumped, so yet again, broke off all contact, and went back to doing my own thing, and again, eventually put the confusion behind me. So I guess it's the same thing, that feeling of not knowing what to do next after a life changing event, such as a break up.

Its like going to a funeral, you mourn, realize you can't change a darn thing that's happened, and you move on.

The only answers you get after a break up come through leaving the past, dealing with the present, and working for the future.

So I have a update, I actually sent her a text asking if my golf clubs were at her place because they are pretty expensive. She actually texted me back and said that she would text her mom because she was at work. Then she said that she would look when she get home, and asked if there was anything else. She kind of made it sound y. So I said No and left it at that. About a hour and half later I said there was one more thing and she asked what it was. I said how have things been. She said that things were okay and asked how Ive been and said that I was good and that I was looking at a 4 year college which is what she wanted when we were dating. She said that's great and hope everything works out for me. Then I said I the same for you, look for those clubs when you have time cause I know you have a lot going for you. After that she asked if I hated her and I said that I never have and never will. Then she said that she was sorry things didn't work out between us and that she didn't mean for everything to fall apart like it this. I said that it was a great time and couldn't blame her and that I could see why it ended. Then she says I feel like you've really grown up since everything started; someone will really appreciate everything you have become and still aspire to be. I said back that I hope that someone has at least one characteristic of you and that I really want us to be friends when your ready, like I said Ill always be here for you. Then she says back Thanks tootsie, and that she will look for my stuff when she gets home. She used to call me tootsie when we were dating. Does she sound like she is starting to regret it now? Im not sure what to think of the part where she said that someone will really appreciate me?

Have somebody deliver your golfclubs and make that your closure.

Stop overanalyzing what she said and go back to NC.

Dude, what are you wanting from her? This is why NC is so important because now your wheels are spinning, wondering, and trying to interperate what she said when you should have just concentrated on getting your clubs back and not prying as to how she's been.

Aww, I just read the update.

Well, the reason she won't talk to you as someone have said is maybe she felt confused. I can't speak for her, but for me. When I break up with an ex boyfriend, I wouldn't want to talk to him either. Even if he was a good boyfriend or a bad one. I don't want mix feelings to get in and need some time alone to feel what it was like to be without them.

You can't rush your ex girlfriend to be your friend, because she might not be ready yet. When my ex boyfriend and I broke up, all our friends forced me to become his friend and I got mix messages and felt like we were still dating. We started arguing even more than we did [if hardly ever] compare to when we were dating. It took me over a year and a half to finally let go of my feelings and maybe one day become his friends again.

Time is important and sometimes a girl needs her space! It doesn't mean she hates you, even if she says she does. Sometimes when someone breaks up, they tend to think so badly of the person- even if the person wasn't so bad, because it's the fastest way to recover. They want to see the negatives of the person instead of trying to see all the good things and cling onto those feelings.

Seem to me like she just needs some time before she can talk to you. Different people have different recovering time.

So I have a update, I actually sent her a text asking if my golf clubs were at her place because they are pretty expensive.

Breaking NC, bad. Breaking it to get back your golf clubs... you get to keep your man card... for now.

Lets just hope you don't use more "oh i forgot to get XYZ" excuses. If you left stuff, get it or have someone get it. If you want to talk to her and decide to break NC, own it and don't use gathering o' things as an excuse.


I said how have things been. She said that things were okay and asked how Ive been and said that I was good and that I was looking at a 4 year college which is what she wanted when we were dating.
I'm in a b!tchy mood today (wouldve been ten years with ex today) but I hope that you actually want this and didn't say this to please her, because it really sounds like you threw this out there to please her... so...


Then she says back Thanks tootsie, and that she will look for my stuff when she gets home. She used to call me tootsie when we were dating. Does she sound like she is starting to regret it now? Im not sure what to think of the part where she said that someone will really appreciate me?

k. well. My ex still calls me "honey" and "babe"... she also called the b@stard she cheated on me with "babe" when she was screwing him and texting him... yeah, meow... I know... so... it's a term of affection and its no surprise that she used it, since it wasn't a complete nuclear meltdown and there seems to be some civility, despite the tension and awkwardness.

So... you back off hard and she seems to think this is progress. Well, yeah... it is progress whether she sees it or not... but stop looking for her validation to make NC worth it... it a little twisted when you wonder if NC is good because it might get her back.

You do NC for you. If a healthy you gets her back, well, that might be OK... or not. If she's not healthy for you then no. but you don't listen to her compliments and ride them too far. Until you believe yourself that you are doing better or that you are making the right changes, you really are still at the whim of some other persons opinion.

Just, uh, well, my opinion.

I hate it when guys break NC. Just when they start making sense, they go back to talking crazy again. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Get your clubs, and start over.

Okay, how am I talking crazy now. All I did was ask a question. Im not crying my head off or anything and its not bugging me so much that I can't sleep. I have recovered a lot I think, Ive been talking to other girls. Have a date lined up this weekend. I hardly think about her like I used to.

Does she sound like she is starting to regret it now? Im not sure what to think of the part where she said that someone will really appreciate me?

I rest my case, as trying to figure out what she means by two sentences, is crazy talk to me. Of course you can't see that now, but would you like to take a vote, or something? And don't get defensive, just trying to point out what you can't see. We all are.

So how can you tell when your really over someone?

You won't care one way or another what she is talking about.

You probably won't be asking anymore.

So how can you tell when your really over someone?

When you see them with another person and you're not jealous, lol.

Ok so this is getting ridiculous. She said that she would look for my stuff two nights ago when she got off work because I said it would be nice to have my stuff by today. She hasn't said anything, and I asked her today if she had any luck finding my stuff, she won't answer me. What is going on?

What's going on is that you keep breaking NC and she is playing mindgames with you because you let her.

You are back to overthinking her actions-confusing yourself and wondering why on earth
'She doesn't get back to you'.

Me, I would forget the golfclubs and go back to NC and stick to it.

Seriously man, stick to the NC, I'm going through the same thing. NC is the best thing for it, if you don't think you can do it, just take it a week at a time, don't contact her for a week, or if you really need to text her then say you'll do it at the weekend, and then at the weekend you'll hopefully feel differently. I did that and its worked for me, but its still hard. It always is.
And why don't you treat yourself to some new golf clubs? You've gone through a break up, get some retail therapy!

Well she called me today. We both talked about how everything fell apart between us. We both said that we wanted to be friends and talk to each other and eventually hang out. I don't know what to do. I don't think I am over her so its probably not a good idea. Is it possible for people that have had history to do this. It would be nice to see her again, I just don't know what to do right now. After having that conversation, I can't stop thinking about it. Why is everything so hard?

Because you are still talking to her.

Dude, do NOT hang out with her. Do you honestly think you could hang out with her without the akward feeling of not being able to kiss/hug her anymore? Or show affection... leaving away from her without saying I love you... or hear her talking about other guys? Why put yourself through any of that. I just broke up with my girlfriend last weekend and it's been messing with me emotionally more than her, I want to see her very badly... however, after I get my stuff from her I don't plan on seeing her again. There was to many emotions involved in our relationship and there's no way in my mind that I believe we could honestly be "friends"... far to weird...

With how long you've held on and thought about her, its blatantly obvious your not over her... hanging around with her will set you back to the point you were at when it all went down... think about that

I guess I just feel like this feeling is never going to end, I dont know how to shut it off yet I want to so bad.



You will never shut it off completely. You have a history with this woman so she will appear in random thoughts throughout your life. I will tell you that, with time, these thoughts become less and less frequent.

I think about my ex every day but once you get that thought of them, you have to learn how to "change the channel" Its difficult at first but it gets easier. That is why NC and keeping yourself occupied is the best medicine.

I find that when I am alone in the car or just not doing anything I think of her. That's when I tell myself to change the channel and get busy.

I know its hard to realise, but it seems the only reason you're tempted to hang out with her is that you hope she'll start to fall in love with you all over again. She and you broke up for a reason, and trying to persuade her to take you back would involve you changing something about yourself - the very thing/things that made her realise things weren't meant to be between you. If you do that then you'd have to act like someone else for the rest of your life, don't you want to be with someone who loves you for you? Not for what you've changed into?
I say keep the NC, and send a friend round for the golfclubs, then go on a golfing holiday somewhere sunny. It'll take your mind off things. Other people were right, change the channel... to the sports channel! Or anything that will take your mind off someone who is causing you nothing but pain.

I know, I just liked a lot of things about her and am afraid that I won't find some of those things. Its hard after you have been with someone like that because I don't think there could be anyone out there like her. :-(

What you're feeling is normal, you feel like you've messed up your whole life because you're not with the person you're supposed to be with. Everyone feels like that, its looking back on the relationship and only seeing the good things. You think you'll be so happy if only you just got back together. I've felt the same thing so know that you're not alone in this.
There might not be anyone like her, everyone is different, but you can find someone just as good for you, believe me. Its not like you're going to be forced to be with someone who you don't actually like, you'll find someone funny and hot and all that stuff you thought you'd never find before.
The best way to get through this is NC and time. There's no quick fix, its not going to be like someone says something and you go: "of course!" and everything will be better. But we are all here to support you through this tough time, using our own knowledge and experience.
You haven't ruined your life, because at the end of the day, you weren't meant to be with her, despite what it seems at the moment. This too will pass.
I've said this before on another thread, but I'll say it again. Someone is out there for you, she's hot, funny, kind and meant to be with you; and she's coming to you as fast as she can.

Just thought I would give everyone a update. I was making up a birthday card for my ex last week which was drawing of what she said she wanted on her birthday when we were still together. It took me a couple of days and at the bottom of the card I wrote Happy Birthday then under that I wrote Always, me. I don't know what it was but something hit me right then and there. I think I realized, wow I have no respect for myself. Would she do something like this for me, hell no, she doesn't deserve this. Every time I think of her I revert back to that card and realize bit by bit, I am so much better than her and did way more for her than she did for me in the relationship and actually feel better about myself. Sure some of it still hurts but now I realize how much more I did for her and than she did and it evens out. I'm not even going to tell her Happy Birthday on FB, besides why should she care if I told her Happy Birthday or not. Right?

Anyway I have been noticing this girl that has been walking through the halls at the college I go to and really want to go talk to her but I'm just trying to think of how to go upon doing this because I don't normally do that so Im kind of stuck right now. Something about her really catches my attention for some reason, I haven't felt that way about any other girl that I have walked by so I wonder if that's saying something.

Stay NC.
No cards or FB.

Another girl isn't going to get you over your last one.

After all, you are still thinking about her.

Heal first.

I think that pause, when you stopped and thought "would she do anything like this for me" is an important step.

I have to do it all the time.

I have a child with my ex, so NC is not an option. We have a good enough relationship as long as we keep our distance... structure time around each other to be about the son... not each other.

But I still find myself drawn to doing the things I would normally do for her... little things that I always thought would make a difference. Sometimes ill do it... but more often than not anymore, ill catch myself if I can't say that whatever it is, shed return the gesture in kind.

The "what is my motive here and what is an acceptable response" question is a good grounding point.

NC helps people because it takes the guesswork out of this noise.

So... I think that moment of "wait a minute" is a good one to experience, and it's a good question to carry with you while you are getting through this noise.

Would she be doing the same or similar for you?

And if so, why?

This hasn't completely stopped me from still doing nice or kind things... I am who I am and I'm not going to completely be a jerk... but it sure does seem to filter out a lot of the effort I might be pushing her way.

Ya know, sledsik,

I sent my ex's Birthday card with loving words a couple of days before she dumped me.

Felt awful about it. And when that day rolled around, I wasn't feeling too good about being excluded in her special day.

The reality was I didn't matter.

And KP is right. Some people don't have the luxury going NC, when you have kids.

But for me, it was THE only way. Removed the drama, so I could move on without her being the focus.

To be strong, focused on myself & the good things.
The only reminders of her that were good, were the ones that I could use to heal & move on.

You already have 3 months under your belt. Keep it up.

The only thing that matters is you and the good people in your life.

I think you've definitely turned a corner there. She wouldn't do the same for you would she? You're being honest with yourself and that's the best thing right now. All of us have suffered from being deluded that our ex's will come back to us, and it delays our recovery. Everyone works to their own pace to turn the corner, but it looks like you've started to with your last post. Good for you.

Hey everyone I just have a quick question that I can't seem to figure out and I was hoping I could get some answers to. Why is that when you get the mind set that you don't want to get back together with your ex that you still think about her and miss her at points. Am I fooling myself sort of with saying that I don't want her back or what. I just can't seem to get ahold of this. There are periods like a couple hours where I don't think about her and its great and then there's small bits where I do think about her. Its been a little over three months since it happened, anyone have a idea on what's up?

Its normal to miss someone we spent time with and who we loved and cared about.

Your feelings are part of the healing process.

Keep busy,keep moving on and these feelings will fade with time.

Hey everyone I just have a quick question that I can't seem to figure out and I was hoping I could get some answers to. Why is that when you get the mind set that you dont want to get back together with your ex that you still think about her and miss her at points. Am I fooling myself sort of with saying that I dont want her back or what. I just can't seem to get ahold of this. There are periods of time like a couple hours where I dont think about her and its great and then theres small bits where I do think about her. Its been a lil over three months since it happened, anyone have a idea on whats up?

It's like a roller coaster ride. It's up and down and crazy swing. Sometime you will have happy moment and other time you will missed her a lot. It's not something you can control but over time it will get easier. Just hang in there. Try to keep yourself busy and not sit and think about it. One day you'll wake up and wonder what the heck I am feeling sad for anyway.

I have been going through the same feelings as you have. In the end only no contact and time will make you feel better. My ex now all of a sudden unblocked me on Facebook, that bothered me again for a couple of days, but I am almost cured I can feel. Just hang in there.

The only thing I do not understand... why Nature/Biology/God or whatever programmed us to have those feelings? That urge of contacting your ex, to hang on? There must be a reason for it, evolutionwise?

You know, I ask myself this question from time to time but I tell myself it isn't worth analyzing or losing sleep over.

You still think about things that happened during childhood, don't you? Why? Because they are memories. Over time those memories fade (they never go away) as you go through new experiences. That is just how the brain is programmed.

Sometimes we are just not meant to know the answer to some things and that is when acceptance sets in.

Accept that it is normal to have those feelings and eventually you will learn to move them to the back of your mind.

Yes, but now we have cellphones, emails, SMS, Facebook etc. etc. to keep reminding us forever and ever, haha.

Only if you choose to let those reminders be constant.

I personally changed my number, deleted my entire Facebook account, and shoved all her stuff in a closet (she left some personal stuff behind, and I know one day she will need it)

I did save all of the pictures we took together but they are on a hard drive in the closet as well and I haven't looked at them in 4 months. Maybe I will open them up in ten years from now but not anytime soon.

I chucked everything in the dumpster.

Haha, that solves that problem, now doesn't it!

Ive been apart from my ex 9 months ,we have no contact , she lives 5 doors down from me , I say hello, that's all , she dumped me went back to her ex, no reason or anything , Ive been dating again several months now, so far so good, yes I still have lingering thoughts about her, but she's doing me a massive favour not getting in touch. This was the second time round with her after 2 and a half years, she dumped once , went back to her ex, I was heartbroken , she kept texting me inviting me round for coffee , no sex, just stringing me along, when it went sour with her ex , she hauled me back in, 4 weeks later she dumps me, I promised myself I was never going to hurt like I did before , she wasn't worth it, that gave me some strength , I didn't pine after her, in fact I hated her, now it doesn't matter who she sees and what she does, if she ever text me again Id just ignore her , I'm worth a lot more than that , my new girlfriend can see and appreciates that about me, my ex has done me a favour , shame she moved back on the same street as me last week, but we can't have it all ways ! Do yourself a favour , get over her , she doesn't want to know , she's just using you because she knows you'l be there for her.

So you guys really think she thinks that she could have me back whenever she wanted?

I hope not.

So you guys really think she thinks that she could have me back whenever she wanted?

I've got to chime in here... YES. I think that. Thus far your actions have made that very clear that you'd allow her to have her way with you anytime.

Your thoughts and feelings are normal, however; remember only you control your actions. Respect yourself and the world will follow.

So is there any way to make her not think she has that power then. Or by keeping NC does it slowly fade away?

By ignoring her.

Keep NC forever and completely ignore her-forever.

So is there any way to make her not think she has that power then. Or by keeping NC does it slowly fade away?

well, honestly, she does have that power a little, until you decide not to care about what she thinks.

the focus here is not "is she strong", "is she hurting", "is she missing me", "is she playing games", "what is she thinking"...

the focus is "what i think and feel is what matters"... you have to accept that she can think whatever she wants... it doesn't matter.

its hard to do. You have to keep telling yourself that over and over. In time, it'll all pass. Nobody here can tell you how long it'll take... honestly it took me well over a year to really get over my first big love lost. And the next time, it took less time... and the next time even less. You just learn to understand some things about yourself and what you need to do to get from A to B.

right now, you are struggling, in part, because you don't really want this breakup. Given a wish, you'd still be together.

but... as things are, you aren't together and you aren't going to be... so you are trying to find peace living with option B... being healthy. And being healthy means you keep reminding yourself of what you need and why you are doing it. It's a lot more work. It means you have to fight your feelings a lot. Not fun stuff. Been there more than id like.

but this is the place where you start meddling with what some call the cognitive thought process... where you start to train yourself to make your actions based more on your beliefs than your feelings.

the idea is that feelings can be wacked. Unpredictable. Sudden. Changing. And while sometimes you must quickly act upon them without much thought, such as when there is an emergency, most of the time its better to try to gauge your actions based on your beliefs.

it sounds like heady stuff, but it does work. You just need to keep it rolling around your head long enough... tell yourself anything long enough and you tend to believe it.

example. Somebody calls a guy a punk. What should he do? Well... if you are on the street, you might slough it off if that kind of noise just happens all the time without consequences. You might confront the person, especially if they are a part of your social circle. You might get in their face. You might fight.

if you are in prison and somebody call you a punk, you fight immediately. No hesitation. Somebody can call you all kinds of other "nastier" names and you might not give a damn... but if you are called a punk and you don't hit back, your life inside will be a living hell. Everybody will know you are a "punk" and everybody will know you won't fight back. That is The Reality.

so... whatthehelldoesthishavetodowithyou?

the second case might seem driven by fear or anger, but its really about a firm belief concerning survival. In the first case, it isn't about survival, so there seems to be more options.

so... you start to have those times when you are feeling like crap. She keeps creeping into your head and your stomach is just in knots.

its your job to focus less on how you feel (like crap) and more on what will be healthy... you need to trust the process, and that's hard to do right now because, like I said at the beginning, you don't have complete buy-in... you want to be with her, but cant. So you are doing your best to accept option B, like it or not.

given a choice, and focused on my feelings, id never live apart from my son, age 6. if I focus on my feelings about this, it tears me up. I absolutely love that kid. He's my bud. But I believe I have a healthier relationship with his mother apart. And I believe my being healthy is most important. So... I don't live with my son anymore. It doesn't feel "right" all the time. Makes me sad often. But I trust and believe its needed. I see him as much as I can and make the most of my time with him, and it seems to work.

I focus not as much on what I feel, but what I believe needs to be... and trusting that everything else will fall in place.

that trust is hard to find, but you'll get there. Give yourself space and time, allow yourself to hurt and struggle, and accept that this is just where you are at the moment, not where you are going to be "stuck"

you punk.

=) joking.

You want your balls (power) back? Well then man up...

Don't play her games. Don't allow her to manipulate you. As the other have said just ignore her. Should you run into her say hello and go on about your business. It's not necessarily about ignoring but rather just be unaffected by her actions, emotions, and tantrums. Be a man.

Do the NC, and do your own thing. Then it won't matter what she thinks, or if she has power over you, or not.

Great, well I slipped up and sent her a text last night when I was drinking. Bothering me a little bit but not A lot, can def tell that I have been getting over her because she hasn't texted back and I don't really care if she does.

Well,you aren't the first,nor will you be the last person who has 'drunk-texted' an ex.

Lesson learned, I hope...

Feel kind of depressed. I just deleted some pictures on Facebook of the ex and I and deleted all the wall posts between each other. I hope this was a good move. I don't really care if this upsets her or thinks I'm childish for doing it. Ive been doing okay just some of these moments of being depressed and sad are really making it hard sometimes. :-(

Keep remembering that this is for you.

After a week or so, I threw out every photo, love note, memento, belonging that I new was going to remind me. (including emails & numbers, blocked her at the same time)

All with tears in my eyes.

I even found love notes buried in my sock drawer months later. Got me pissed not sad.

Well turns out that after I did that she untagged herself from the photos as well and right when that happened she says she is in a relationship. I actually surprised though that its not getting to me that much. Still sucks though but what can you do.

More reinforcement to move on.
Good for you.

Her birthday is Saturday, she better not plan on hearing anything from me lol.

She won't

This completely sucks. I was out with some friends last night and ended up texting her Happy Birthday and that I hoped she had a great day. After that I asked her if she hated me and I haven't gotten anything back. Got home last night and deleted her from Facebook. I just don't know what's wrong with me.. I thought I would be over this by now but I guess Im not. I am just really doubting that these feelings won't end. Why do things have to be the way they are? I was nothing but good to this girl.

Texting whilst out on the town with friends-etc-is never a good thing.

All you achieved was making yourself feel down in the dumps!

Stick to NC.

Will this feeling for her ever end?

It will,it might take a while longer,but you'll get there,we all do.

Will this feeling for her ever end?

Of course it will if, you stop screwing yourself in the a$$ by stirring up old feelings, and misery by your OWN actions.

You have to see your doing this to yourself, and it seems when your "having a night on the town", or translation... drinking!!

Alcohol makes you feel great at first, then stupid, then depressed that you were stupid.

Steer clear of the alcohol when your feeling down haha I learned this the hard way.

Yup. Its up to you. Not us.

Get out of denial asap. Tell yourself its over & done with.

As may times as it takes.

Time to go NC, my man.

Hey everybody, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who had a say in my thread. It really did help talking to you guys. Its been a while since I have even been on here, been working out a lot and feeling a lot better about how I look and all that. I still think about her everyday but catch myself taking longer to think about her after I wake up. Thanks again, take care.

Hey everybody, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who had a say in my thread. It really did help talking to you guys. Its been a while since I have even been on here, been working out alot and feeling alot better bout how I look and all that. I still think about her everyday but catch myself taking longer to think about her after I wake up. Thanks again, take care.

It is not easy, and there are still lows, but you do start to think... hmmm... I used to [insert annoying thought about ex] every [much to often if not all the time]...

And then one day you realize maybe it happens only half as much. Or maybe you get through a busy day and don't think about it at all. Et cetera.

2.3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still progress... and we rarely EVER give ourselves credit for those good days... it's the days when all is off, when your heart hurts or your mind is racing... that's what sticks out.

Just human nature.

Seven a dozen decent hours plus one or two off hours often equals a "bad day"... oh well

Hey everyone, I didn't think that I would be back on here for quite some time. Just kind of feeling down again for no reason, I can't wait for the day that I don't think of my ex. Is it normal to still feel like this even after 5 months? The hard part is I just feel so empty and alone at times and just have these thoughts that Ill never find my girl. Just had to vent to somebody..

I understand how hard that can be. But if you did your best to treat her right, you should be satisfied. Yeah, it's going to hurt, but while you're hurt about it, she's sleeping at night. It's her loss. Some people just don't know when they really have something good coming for them. I'm a living testimony. Even if you don't understand why she broke up with you, she will eventually. Just hang in there.:cool:

So what are you saying HeavenlySpiced, you think she will think about what happened down the road and second guess her decision?

This thread helped me. I screwed up and broke NC because she texted me asking if I wanted to talk. I talked, opened up about wanting to start over (because that's what I had been hoping to do), it was too much for her and now we are back to NC. Wish I wouldn't have talked to her and kept NC going. NC is the only way. Even if she wants to test you to see if you'll jump back in, keep the NC going. The only chance she will ever come back is if you become a man and don't give an f that she contacted you. If you ever talk to her again don't mention anything about wanting a relationship. She will be attracted to what she can't have and you need to become what she can't have. Where are you from anyway?

Don't fall into the trap. NC isn't supposed to be a tool by which you can win her back (though it can be used that way). It's meant to help you win YOURSELF back. Go back to being yourself, find a way to be happy with yourself. Once your happiness is your own again, and you no longer feel like you need ANYTHING from her to be happy, then you can truly decide what it is that you want.

I am happy most of the time, been working out a lot and have been in the best shape of my life. Also have a interview for verizon which I hope I get. Im just trying to be the guy that every girl wants. Kyle I am from Iowa by the way, how about yourself?

Im just trying to be the guy that every girl wants.

I'm glad you've made good progress, and I don't want this to seem too picky... but the place you need to be... the one where things get really good... is when you stop trying to be that guy every girls wants and you make sure you are the guy you need to be for yourself...

And that doesn't mean there isn't overlap... for ex, if you think being fit or successful or accomplished might help your cause with a prospective mate, you are probably right... right? And this, of course, is good for you, good for yourself confidence, etc...

... just make sure that you keep You in mind...

And I say this from experience... a few times along the way I made choices based on what I thought would be best for the relationship, and especially what I thought the girl wanted... and a couple of those decisions were in direct conflict with what I wanted on a big scale... which meant I regretted that decision in the long run...

So...

Just trying to make sure I can muddle this up and confuse you as much as possible... its fine to be considerate for a mates needs and wants. Its great to think about what areas in your life you can improve, and in what ways can you possibly be a more desirable mate. No problem with that.

The problem happens when you lose yourself in the process of "doing whats right to keep the girl"... it is much better to be true to what you need and who you are and lose the girl for all the right reasons than to bend yourself too much out of shape to make that square peg fit that round hole.

I only say this cause it is so easy to do... been there. Done it. Took a long time to learn that its less important to be desirable to a broad group of potential mates if that means you are denying some aspect of yourself that will bite you in the arse eventually.

I'm a flippin' rainbow of happy colors tonight, eh?

Hey guys I just read this whole thread.
Hearing your story and people's responses has really helped me.
I recently (3 weeks ago) had my heart torn to pieces when my ex of 2.5yrs told me we were over. I'm coming to accept the fact that we weren't right for each other and we grew apart.
I have basically been full NC since the breakup, apart from one night when we talked on IM just about random stuff, then I told her we shouldn't contact each other for a long time and it's been NC since.
It has definitely helped me move on, though I'm still hurting like you. You will get through this just like I will too.

Just remember that this time that has been given to you, to be single, is a great time to improve areas of YOUR life. It dosen't matter what your ex is up to or if they're thinking about you - they've already made their choice. Take a deep breath and say "I'm no longer going to give anymore power to my ex. This is my life and it is worth so much more than this."

Chin up! :)

Keep us updated

A little disappointed in the lack of updates..

We all of us have relationships some work out for weeks, some for months, and some for a lifetime.

With those that are short term, regard those as practice.

With those that last longer, again more practice.

Obviously long term or forever means you got it right.

However you also need to be aware that with some relationships you'll know why they ended, and with some you'll never know why, and also perhaps the person ending the relationship didn't know why themselves, they just knew they no longer felt they wanted to continue with the relationship.

This happens a lot, it doesn't mean you were at fault or the other person just that the relationship you had had run its course.

Im sure by now you'll be well on your way to getting over the relationship.

Hey again everyone. Just a question for you, how exactly do you know if your ex is in a rebound relationship? The only reason I ask is because my ex is starting to come around. We talked on the phone for the past week sometimes for 2 hours. I could tell something was wrong and I got her to talk about it then she says that's she should have never broke up with me and that the grass was not greener on the other side. Thing is she has a boyfriend right now so I don't really know what to do or expect. I would still consider to see her again but I don't know what I can do right now. Can anyone help me please?

So you condone her going behind her boyfriends back to sniff your behind? You broke NC for that kind of false hope, and drama? You shouldn't even be talking to her. Have you been drinking again??

Im just trying to figure out what the hell is going on? All Im asking is why would she pull this on me? Its not like I contacted her first.


Just asking for second opinions from people who have been in the same position as I am in now.

Try not to take it too personally. Everyone deals with break ups in their own way... may she just needs space. I went through a break up a few years ago wherein no one way really at fault and my ex was a good person that I loved, I just wasn't in love with anymore. It was too hard for me to even consider being friends with him until we had enough time apart to heal. We tried to stay in contact initially, but it was just too hard -- every time we saw each other it was like reopening the break-up wound. Finally, I just cut off all communication with him whatsoever. He was hurt at first, but I think he understood that it was the way I needed to deal with things, and that it was probably the best things for him as well.

I know I may be harsh, but I am sure that you have been told the more you allow her to contact you the more confused YOU will be.

That's what NC is about, unconfusing us when we have exes like this. That use use for emotional tampons when THEY need one. Its all because You make yourself AVAILABLE TO THEM!

Been there, done that, many times.

What if I were to want her back. There has to be a reason she told me all these things. Is there anything I can do?

What if I were to want her back.
And why would you want that? Did I read the wrong post, or what?

There has to be a reason she told me all these things.
She needs her ego stroked. Or maybe she sees you as a friend, or maybe she is intentionally feeding you false hope to keep you close because she is bored, or miserable, or both.

Is there anything I can do?
Besides gaining clarity, healing, and making good decisions based on facts? Yes, get back to, and stick to NC!!

Or you can throw all advice to the wind, and tell her you need her back, as your long suffering romantic partner. Tell her to dump the guy, and replace him with YOU!!

Let us know how that works for you.

talaniman do you think people deserve second chances?

If they earn it in words, and deeds, and if you want to give them a second chance. No way do you dump me, and then think you can comeback without regaining my trust, and loyalty, without showing that you really deserve it. Words that don't match actions, are MEANINGLESS.

Just me, never looked back, when I got dumped, and NEVER stayed with a person when I thought I was mistreated. I would never trust such a person with my heart ever again. Not ever, and why should I when after a proper healing, I have found better options than misery, pain, and drama.

That's how I found the ANGEL I have been with for 35 years.

I just want to know if the guy she's with is a rebound. Any way a person can tell. If so how do you know if he is or not.

Why do you need to know that? What possible purpose could it serve? What difference does it make? Why is that your business?

Go ask her, " Is this guy a rebound? How long will he be? When he is done, can i have another chance? Oh, how long will it be before you boot him, and give me another shot?"

Are you getting my logic? How can any one answer that question? Bet she can't! You're right there, and you can't!

I'm just stuck on the fact that I can do so much better for her than that other kid. Especially when she told me what she did. Why do girls have to be so complicated, some things are so unfair.

Life is unfair, and so are some of the people that are in it. It is what it is. Right now you have to become unstuck, and seek your healing through NC, so you will be ready for whatever else life throws at you, and get busy building a life that you enjoy without her in it.

You will find someone that deserves you, but you do have to be healthy enough to appreciate it. And she will appreciate you.

Chalk this up to experience, and get beyond it.

Ok.. Coming from someone that broke all the rules and got my boyfriend back after we broke up...

1st step.. Go out with your friends. Have a good time. Show her that you can live without her. Show her that you have a life separate from her life. Show her that you can trust her decisions (even though may not like it) and that this whole ordeal is a learning experience.

2nd step. If you talk to her.. Don't be whiney. Don't bring up the relationship that fell apart. Don't talk about what could have been or what should have been... Just talk about something random.. Ask her what she's up to. Tell her about what happened to you on a day. If you two do talk.. Start over. What happened in the past is in the past.

3rd... stop whining. Seriously. We all know your heart broken. We all have been there.. We all know how the pain is the worse pain you will ever feel.. But.. every wound has to be healed. Find something that makes you happy. Something you did all the time before you met her. And start it back up... Push yourself to do that activiy for 10 minutes. The next day, try 15 minutes. Pretty soon, you'll be participating in that activity longer each time.

You need to find happiness that doesn't require someone in your life. Its healthy for you, its healthy for your next relationship... And who knows.. Maybe you PROOVING to her that you can handle yourself.. that you are a strong, capable person will have her WANT to talk to you again.

Stop living in the past and starting living NOW. If you want your girl back, well, she'll have to want to come back first... then you need to stop crying. Her next move is go go out and have fun... Not sit on the phone or be plagued with text messages of, "WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME". Leave her alone. She needs to think and sort through things without your opinion and interference. If she wants to be with you again, if she decided that you are her one and only, she'll make the move. You're not going to make that choice for her.

How would you feel if you broke up with someone... You were confused, not sure if that was the right choice... and the person you broke up with was pestering you every day? Pretty irritated.

The above answer seemed pretty damn good. I'll add my 2 cents. I've been dating an amazing girl for 1 year and 3 months. We had some rough patches but were pretty good at trying to fix them. The longest we didn't talk for was a week. But about four days ago she said she was leaving. And that maybe we'd meet later down the road. We always talked of getting married and honestly I think I should have. She was awesome. Cooked for me, did my laundry, even cleaned my friends apt for 8hrs for free lol! Oh and she was sooooooo hot. Honestly all my friends were jealous. I didn't even have to try to get her either. She just liked me :) Anyway it sucks now though. I called her around 4 or 5 days ago and she didn't answer. I've been trying to not think of it. I'm starting to go to the gym and doing cardio to get in shape. I just have to show her that she is missing out and its her loss if she doesn't have me. I think talking to some other girls and getting them to like you will make your girlfriend jealous and then she'll want you back. When she knows other girls want you, she'll want you too! (hopefully) And who knows maybe is a better girl for you!

Advice: Cut her off completely. Quite checking your phone to see if she's called or not. Change your cell phone # so that way you won't have to worry about whether she's called. Change your house phone so won't be able to contact you on that. Quit checking your myspace,Facebook, twitter accounts.
I guarantee you that if you ignore her, it will not only help you get over her, it may even cause her to start contact you again. And then you can turn the tables on her. Start developing this habit now,while your still young.
Trust me man women are suckers for men who ignore them.