Im 17. Lost my home during Hurricane Katrina. Had to move to Texas and since I came everyone has been so mean to me. Two summers ago, almost drowned, treated for depression, and social phobia. I am always getting my feelings hurt. My heart hurts so bad. I really can't explain too much, I am just so tired of telling my story over and over again to find help. Everyone I try talking to from Texas just tells me to suck it up, or expect me to change overnight. Here's a blog post of mine that's kind of bothering me, so what is your take on it? Was she right, or am I crazy? It may be confusing, I apologize if it is. And please be nice.

The blog post:
"Well, I had my bible study today, and my study person sort of made me feel bad because, well it's like she's trying to rush me to change. It all started with the whole getting baptized in my faith, and I am going to do that one day, but I told her I was scared of water because I almost drowned, then she asked me if that was the only thing preventing me and I shook my head no. Which led to the episode below:

We both cried because I really feel worthless and her reaction didnt help either.

She wants me to love myself, but she's rushing me. She would like it if I deepen my relationship with god even tho I dont deserve his kindness, but she wants me to learn to get closer, but it's going to take time. She wants me to go to parties and gatherings, but not only do I have social phobia, also I'm just not a party person. I like to get to know people one-on-one. Plus Im not comfortable with everyone from my place of worship, and when I do try to talk to the teenagers around my age, they ignore me, and I'm the one standing there looking like an idiot. She says she wont take the thinking of self hatred, but instead of being nice, she sort of yelled at me, like I know she was trying to help, but I wish she would have done it in a better way. She also kept asking me 'what can she do to help?', I said I dont know, but now, what I want her to do is be patient with me. Im really angry right now but my heart hurts so bad, I can't be mad. I wish people would just be patient with me, and really help me. Why does everyone treat me like that? Omg Im crying again. I wish people could just be nice to me. I am so tired of being hurt."

I cannot aid you in the religious side of things,only in the mental health side(I am not a believer)

In order for a person to get relief from the bondage of self,they need to reach out, this you have begun to do.

Your loss of living quarters,it happened,now it can no longer be a part of who you are, it is the past.

The almost drowning,that is a real phobia,but with proper treatment,you can overcome this as well.

At this time,it seems that you are stuck with self doubt(social phobia) and are reluctant to accept help from others, including those you look up to.You would rather stay in your 'comfort zone' of chaos and pain.This needs to change if you want to move forward.

Depression,social phobia,fear of water, etc, all can be addressed by professionals.If you are reluctant to seek help through medical means,I probably can offer no further help... religion only goes so far in my world, no amount of faith has healed me or my problems.

If you would rather I don't add any more to your question,you have nothing to do besides ask me not to,I will step aside.

You have had to cope with a great deal. It's not surprising it has hit you so hard. There's a lot of issues to deal with in your post.

Firstly you had to deal with the devastating effects of a hurricane. It would not be at all surprising for you to be depressed or even to be suffering from post-taumatic stress. Have you any family that can help support you while you come to terms with this? Is it possible for you to access a counsellor who is experienced in this kind of problem and is patient?

Moving to a new place is in itself extremely stressful. Esspecially when you are 17 and fitting in is often all important.

The near-drowning experince was yet another trauma.

You have had so much piled on top of each other that it is a lot to process.

You sound like you really need someone to listen to you without tellilng you how they think you should be acting and feelilng.

Until you can find someone that can do that try writing all your feelings down, however dark they are. Do it on here if you want to and we will try to listen and help.

Google EFT - which is a self- help tecnique that can be used to ease symptoms of trauma and anxiety. You can learn the basics for free.

I think your bible study leader is trying to encourage you on with a little tough love but sometimes when we feel battered and bruised we only feel the tough bit from that approach.

You sound like you could do with someone to give you a hug and let you feel the pain safely first. Is there no-one you can turn to for this?

I think that you need to take a deep breath and lighten up on yourself.

It's actually OK to feel bad - you've had some awful, in fact dreadful, experiences. You've lost your home, nearly drowned and been depressed and you're only 17!

I suspect from what you've written that people aren't usually mean to you - it's just that you're expecting SO much from others and you get disappointed and hurt very easily when things don't go the way you want them to. Perhaps now - when you're feeling so fragile - is not a good time to be seeking new friendships. Any rejections are just likely to make you feel worse.

An example is your baptism. You freaked about the water and the things your bible study person is suggesting you do. In reality she's only trying to help you, the only way she knows how (even if she fails sometimes). She's doing her best, and she IS asking you how she can help, so maybe she thinks that yelling is the only way she can get through to you. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment and imagine yourself dealing with you. If you want her to be patient with you then tell her - explain what you need. If you need other people to be patient and loving with you then tell them. Yea, it's hard to talk about it, but it's the only way that things will change.

Speaking of talking, perhaps professional counselling would help you feel stronger and build up yourself esteem. You may even benefit from being treated for depression again.

Also, and these are just my thoughts - EVERYONE deserves God's kindness. How can you believe that you don't? God does not discriminate about who receives his/her kindness and love - God is loving, compassionate and kind to all.

May I suggest that you be gentle with yourself (and others) and treat yourself and others with kindness and compassion? Try not to expect too much of yourself and give yourself time. It does take time - I wish you all the best.