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All right experts! I've been just reading this forum and now I'm in the same situation with a lot of people here are.

So we've been seeing each other for about 8 months. I'm korean (24) and she's italian/american (barely turned 21). So yeah there's race and cultural differences but I'm pretty americanized so not a main issue.

Well, we were like fire at first. She goes to school full time and I work full time. But lived in her dorm I have my own place. So I used to go to her dorm pretty much every night and stay over and she comes over to my house during the weekend (Thursday till sunday).
She's very gorgeous she was high school cheerleader captain for whole years, doing dance and cheer so you know she's pretty spoiled, never had a full time job, never had to pay rent or bills or anything but her mind is like a child very pure and clear. That's what I liked about her.

First 4 months was really good no problem at all but after like since 5th month, I had to work a lot I usually go to work at 9 and get off at like 8pm. And even we got two more new employees at work that I had to train so sometimes I got off at 10 or something. And she also wanted to get engaged, and I (stupid) thought I should work extra to make extra money and buy an engagement ring. But I didn't plan to tell her or anything until we dated over a year. Of course it made me have less time to see her and she moved back to her parents house. So I couldn't go to her house every night and she started coming over to mine more often.

Every month we celebrate our anniversary and I wrote her a card or gave her flowers every months and it got slow down since I had to work a lot. I didn't gave her card from 7th month and it was all right. And we went to disneyland last month and we had such a good time. But during September, I had to head start my work because going to disneyland wasn't on my vacation schedule and I had to take a week off. So I couldn't really see her often but we always, never missed, went out Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday all day. Well after disneyland, she acted little differently she started hanging out with her ex best friend because she(exbff) got pregnant and just broke up with her boyfriend. So she kind of used my girlfriend for benefit. Still using her though. And now this month, October, it was her b-day last Sunday turned 21. On her birthday night, we went out to dinner with her family and I drove her back to her house. And she started saying she doesn't feel the same she loves me but it's different. On her freaking BIRTHDAY! Well, I really tried to make her feel better and feel loved during the October, because I didn't do much in September and thought it would make her feel like she's not loved. And I got a surprise present that I was planning on for over 3 months and told her her birthday gift is ready on Monday. Anyway, she said she's really confused and need some time to think.


So Sunday night I came home and next day, which was this Monday, I got all ready for her birthday gift and I went to her school for lunch break. I surprised her but she seemed like she didn't really care. She's like you never did this to me. And still wanted to have break. Anyway, I told her to come to my house for surprise gift later that day. She got her gift and everything that night. Candle lights, roses, cakes, perfume, VS underwares, cd that I made, card, letter, yes I spoiled her that night. But still she wanted to have some time to think and she went home.

It's been what 5 days now. We talked twice since Monday. No text, no calls, no emails.
Still she's confused and one thing she said finally, she's scared of getting hurt. She's scared of me being like during the summer. Work a lot, not enough time to hang out, less text, less call, no card and stuff.

It's halloween night and we planned to go to her cousin's party together then my friend's big halloween party at the club. But I don't know what she's doing and I'm home writing this.
What should I do? Help me go through this misery. Sorry about my english and story. I'm not OK now. Any advise will help me :(

There is nothing you can do. You tried to take care of her, Friday, Saturday and sundays and you were extremely busy. You did more than most guys out there, so the problem doesn't lie in you, but in her. I had an incredibly busy year in university, and my ex-gf complained we didn't do much except studying. I never regretted anything and I'm proud of what I am becoming.

There is nothing much you can do, except apply NC from now on. If she wants you back, she'll back. But don't expect too much from it, you need to apply NC as if she isn't coming back.

That's what I've been doing since Monday only I txted her on Wednesday for coffee and she didn't want to go but she texted me later that day saying she wants some of our pictures from last Saturday. We had a pre-halloween party last Saturday. She just wanted pictures. And yesterday, I texted her again :( I know I'm not really patient but yeah just asked her how she's doing and I told her I'm going to my friend's party last night and she said "to that party, right have fun" so she got mad.
And this morning since we're going to go to her cousin's party together I txted her to make sure if we are going together and she said she'll go with her best friends. Well for all day today, I was doing my thing and went to starbucks tried to put myself together and wrote a card for her. Like poem and left it at her door. Haven't heard from her at all. I don't know what she's doing but yeah really wondering if she even cares about me. Keep NC right? :-( it's so hard.

keep NC right? :-( it's so hard.

To keep No Contact, which is what you should do, you have to actually stop texting, and sending her cards and poems.

Disappear from her life, and live your own.

NC is for you to heal. Any contact with the ex prolongs your healing process.
You need to act as if they don't exist. No texts poems etc.
After some time your head will clear and you ll be able to move on with and enjoy your own life.

NC is complete NC. Stop texting, stop answering her texts or calls, stop emailing, writing cards. Start taking care of yourself by any way possible. Read the stickies up there and start applying them ASAP. The more you wait, the more you will be in pain (been there so trust me).

Good morning everyone. Did you guys get an extra hour sleep? Day light time saving is over now.
Thank you all for responses.
And I just wanted to add some more info.

She's very much family person. She always listens to her mom and her mom is one of the big factors when she makes her decision. And her best friends too. Her best friends is really controlling bossy and y. And Friday when I talked to her she said she's swearing so much. She never swears. And she said she feels like really y. Doesn't care about what's happening to her life now and neglects school work now. And some how I met her at my friends house on Friday and
She told me she told my girlfriend that if she's not
Happy and doesn't known how she feels about me, take a break and see if she misses me. And I guess that's why she wanted to have a break now. One thing I noticed while I was going out with her, she really doesn't have her opinion.


Tomorrow which is Monday is like the day she said she will give me a definite answer. Idk we haven't figured how we are going to talk where we meet and time And stuff. Should I just wait for her to call me or text me and
Let me know of time and place? If she wants to break up Im ready to move on. It just hard to ignore the feeling I have for her and good memories we had. :-( I'll keep you guys posted if anything happens today.

Her best friends is really controlling bossy and b**chy. And Friday when I talked to her she said she's swearing so much. She never swears. And she said she feels like really b**chy.
b**chy shows like "y" so little fix


And some how I met her at my friends house on Friday and
She told me she told my girlfriend that if she's not
Happy and doesn't known how she feels about me, take a break and see if she misses me.

I met my gf's best friends because it was bff's ex-bf's party lol

Whatever happens remember to take good care of yourself. You can't hang around and wait for someone to make decisions which will affect your life. You make your own.
(here in the UK we put the clocks back last Sunday :-) )

Thanks amicon. I totally agree. I had even rougher relationship before but now, things are getting better like my work situation and I get off at 5 or 6 more time to do something and of course I tried to text and call her more often since the beginning of October but I guess she's already gone? She said she loves me and cares about me as she used to or even more but she's scared of getting hurt like before. She said I was too busy and not really lovey and having a less attention from me hurts her.. oh well...

Why some people are so immature? Like for me, when I commit a relationship, unless we fight all the time, always disagree with each other, it is a commitment. It is a promise that I'm going to try to make things work out. Not giving it up and have faith in each other.

Some people just can't handle this I guess. Have a lot of thoughts from the first day in November. My birthday is coming up 13th of this month and me and my girlfriend planned to go to las vegas for my birthday. Plan's all gone. Sad. :(

That's life I guess some people are mature others are not. Its tough but we have to live with it and move on.
Make a new plan for your birthday make sure you do something really great to celebrate YOU.

It wouldn't be a good idea to go to her work tomorrow before she gets there and leave flowers or something right? I thought of that last night since it's the day she'll clear up her mind and tell me what she wants. I'm going to tell her what I want to and if she doesn't want the same thing, I'll def move on.

No don't buy flowers. Have the talk if you can handle it and move on if you have to.
You come across as a nice decent person and I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks, it's almost noon here and I'm getting ready to go out by myself. I'll just go to coffee shop and get some coffee and read some mags and do some shopping today. And prob go to bar with my guy friends tonight. I feel so much better after pouring my mind out in here. Thank you so much for your support amicon. I'll keep you updated if there's anything. If not let's see what happens tomorrow. I'll prob ask you guys some advise tonight before I see her tomorrow. Thanks again.

Have a good day enjoy your coffee and keep posting.

Oh oh give me quick advise! She just called and asked me how Im doing and what I did last night and wants to talk tonight. So I told her OK maybe we can meet somewhere. She still sounds like b**chy.

Well she txted me and said she's not ready tonight wants to see me on Tuesday. Should I say OK or tell her I don't know if Im going to be busy or should I see her tonight?

What's wrong with Tuesday, if she isn't ready tonight? I don't see the big deal, but why make a game of it, let it be her call. She is the one that wants a talk.

She said she wants to talk tonight when she called me then bit later she said I don't know and tomorrow she's going to hang out with her best friends and sleep over there. Seem like she wants everything in her way. And she txted me saying Tuesday and Wednesday. Im like you don't think I have life? She gives me unreasonable reason like she has to finish her speech tonight which is due next Wednesday. And brings up my work scheule like being sarcastic like oh do you have to work late whole next week?
Idk what to do. She sounded nice at first then when I told her what I did last night she started being like a b**ch again.

If its not that important for her to make the time, why should you? She is the one who wants a talk, and your probably hoping she has made a decision. Doesn't sound like it to me.

Be unavailable until she gets her act together.

Very good point. But she made time and Im seeing her in 20. See how it goes I'll keep you posted. Thanks.

Come back and let us know how it went.

OK I just got back from meeting her. Basically she's still confused and needs more time to think. And I told her I need to live too. I can't be in this pain and depressed about us. You're the one who is confused and don't know what she wants. I know what I want and she already knows what I want. She said maybe she was young and immature and didn't know what she wants. And I told her when you gave me all the plans about getting engaged and finish school and get married, I thought you're serious and ready to commit a serious relationship but apperently you're not ready. And she didn't say she loves me or she cares about me or she misses me or anything. She just said she felt insecure while we're in break. This tells a lot right? I told her everyone is insecure at some point when they are alone.

Still she's worrying about me being like not really lovey. I told her when you love someone, you love him with your heart not your brain. If you love someone with your brain, it's not true love and you're just taking me for granted.

I made my point clear by saying I still love her and what I told her was real. And things I promised I'm going to keep the promises.

I couldn't darely tell her I don't know how long I can have that feeling. Because I'm already recovering from the pain and if she's not sure about us, I will break up with her eventually.
But I don't know when I'm going to do that. But it won't be long.

She said she wants to talk on Wednesday again and I didn't say anything but I told her I'm going to do NC from now and she can call me only when she's 100% sure what she wants. When I asked her if she wants to break up now, she started crying.

So two things I'm thinking now, if she doesn't tell me that she loves me. We're not going to work because that's the most important thing.

Second, if she wants to break up, ill leave her and ill be fine by myself. I don't want to be taken for granted or used as back up plan.

I also told her, if you don't use your brain, you will immediately know what you want. If you don't know what you want, it's because you only use your brain to figure out what you want.

Again, when you love someone you love with your heart not brain.

I'm going to do NC again from now.. maybe if she calls me on Wednesday night, I will answer but meantime, NC works best for me. Thanks guys. Any insights will help me with this.

You definitely need to set yourself a deadline -or she ll keep wanting to rope you in for confusing talks for as long as it suits her.
If you feel you can go through another conversation on Wednesday do that but if she can't make her mind up by then I advice you to break up with her for your own sake.
You have a life to live and you can't be kept waiting for someone to stop being confused.

It sounds to me like she doesn't want to be with you but she's too afraid to be without you. She needs to figure out what she wants but there's no reason why you should be left waiting for her to make her decision.

Go to No Contact. If she calls Wednesday you can answer and tell her that you won't be taking any more of her calls or texts until she knows what she wants.

Harshness alert

You have life and BS all mixed up. Clearly she doesn't want what you want, she just isn't ready. To withhold contact to force a decision is possessive, selfish, and manipulative on your part, and not about healing and making decisions.

Your much better disappearing from her life, and leaving her alone, and letting her heal, than giving ultimatums to get what you want, without considering what she wants, or may need.

For sure she doesn't need you and will see that in time, if you let her be. Thats what you should do, set her free, and stop the confusion on your part, as you have a lot to learn about the human heart, and whats love, and whats not.

Your version is not love, or caring.

Its funny that I feel so much better about myself already. I was in pain whole last week and after seeing my girlfriend, it feels even better than ever now! I don't expect now which is good and I'm already thinking that there are so many girls who would really appreciate like what I have done for her. I hope she understands she needs to grow up and know how hard it is to live life by her own.
NC works.. I want to tell everyone. It works immediately, I didn't expect her to call me today or anything. Well even though she has things to do tomorrow, from the way she started conversation on the phone like super wondering what I did last night, and night before and today. She said thank you for the card. Well we'll see how it goes till Wednesday.

Two thing I want to make sure if I'm doing right,

1. NC - I was the one who texted her and called her last week.
2. See if she says she loves me and wants me back on Wednesday. Not because of her insecurity but honest truly genuinely she loves me with her heart.

I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or Tuesday. I'll prob be down and get sad or anything but who knows.
And I don't know what she's going to talk about with her best friends tomorrow night.
Problem is she listens to everyone else but me.
Am I being really cold now? I still love her so much. I know I was so happy with her and it was the happiest I ever been.
When I'm down or sad, I can just read one of her cards and I could be happy right away. Just thinking that there's someone cares about me makes me happy and I'm really thankful.

Harshness alert

You have life and BS all mixed up. Clearly she doesn't want what you want, she just isn't ready. To withhold contact to force a decision is possessive, selfish, and manipulative on your part, and not about healing and making decisions.

Your much better disappearing from her life, and leaving her alone, and letting her heal, than giving ultimatums to get what you want, without considering what she wants, or may need.

For sure she doesn't need you and will see that in time, if you let her be. Thats what you should do, set her free, and stop the confusion on your part, as you have a lot to learn about the human heart, and whats love, and whats not.

Your version is not love, or caring.



Well the thing is everyone thinks that I haven't done anything seriously wrong. Everyone around me saying I'm just perfect for her but it was not enough for her apperently. I've done what I can do to show her that I love truly love her but she's still confused. I didn't make confusion she's just scared of me being less lovey when we get back together! That's the only feeling I get from her and that's exactly what she told me. And I told her clearly, I want someone who is stable and know what she wants and able to appreciate what she has now.

So I guess it's her part to figure out if she wants serious relationship or even wants to be in a relationship first. If she still wants me but not in a relationship, I can't help her. Because we both want different thing and it's not going to work. That's how I feel now. Her emotions and thoughts are all mixed up I think. Maybe mine too :(

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

Read the stickies, especially the above two threads.

That's good advice Tal s given you-read the stickies. Feeling confused as you are now is normal.

Ok today has been nice and great until my girlfriend called me and saying she's hanging out with her best friends again. And still doesn't know how she feels. Ahhh it made me so mad thy Im just being like her doormat and just waiting for her to give me some BS. I don't know I want to call her back and say something. And I know her best friends she manipulates my gf's head and messes up with her mind. What should I do? What can do to make her stay away from her best friends? Seriously all the reason that she's confused is because of her best friends.

Ok today has been nice and great untill my gf called me and saying she's hanging out with her bff again. And still doesn't know how she feels. Ahhh it made me so mad thy Im just being like her doormat and just waiting for her to give me some BS. idk I wanna call her back and say something. And I know her bff she manipulates my gf's head and messes up with her mind. What should I do? What can do to make her stay away from her bff? Seriously all the reason that she's confused is because of her bff.

If she's that easily controlled that her best friends can make her decisions for her, why do you want her?

She's not confused because of her best friends, she's confused because she's young and because she's not sure you're the one.

Why are you still hanging on her every word? Are you going to sit back and wait forever for her to make up her mind?

If so, she has more control over you then you think her best friends has over her.

No contact. Learn it, live it, love it. That's the only way.

You can't stop anyone seeing or listening to anyone else.
And would you seriously want to be with someone who is as easily swayed as you say she is?
When there's no trust nor any proper communication in a relationship you don't have a relationship.
You can't wait around for her to make up her mind forever-you have a life to live.

Hi everyone! How have you guys been? Sorry for late update. There has been some good and bad things going on.
As you know I talked to my girlfriend on Sunday. And it didn't go well. We were still in complicated situation. She needs more time to think. Tuesday, I didn't call her or text her or anything till I saw her Facebook status saying she's single. I got mad and called her and asked her if she made up her mind. She still said no and I just told her stop hanging out with her best friends and if you don't have her own opinion, I want to break up. I told her out of anger. That night, I went to her house and tried to talk to her. I apologized to her and she told me she need more time. Maybe not in a relationship. She told me she missed me but she didn't say she loves me. And she told me she thought about getting back together but every time she thought about that, she got depressed because she thought what if our relationship turns out like what it used to be. Then she doesn't want to get hurt no more, she starts protecting herself. Then think about getting back together again. So she told me it's like a circle.
So we decided that we are going to have more time apart. And I came home.

I realized that I was never happy with someone else. She gave the most happiness in my life and I love her so much. I was going to propose her and wanted to get married but I don't know about her feelings now.
Should I keep trying to show her that I love her? Maybe writing a letter to her? Should I call her out for movie or something just like casual date? How can I make her trust me again? My work situation is better now Nd I have more time to be with her. But she still wants to be available for other guys or something. That's the feeling I got from her. But I don't want to let her go and I want to love her with all my heart again. Because I didn't really open up Myself to her.

She's going out with her girlfriends on Friday night for her school basketball game and they are going to dinner. And she asked me what Im doing this weekend. I said I don't have any big plan. But I want to go out with her. Should I just ask her out?

No contact!

That's all I have to say.

Dead on Alty, I can only add again, READ THE STICKIES!!

Trust me man, the best thing to do in this situation is to apply NC. I am not one to say that NC is appropriate every time. I know on this website it seems to be the answer for all. But in your situation I would strongly recommend it. I wish I would have came on this website when I first split up with my ex. Things would have turned out a lot different. She is confused man. No matter what you do, say, write, text, call she is not going to make up her mind anytime soon if at all. You just need to not give her ultimatiums not be mean and just walk away. Let her make up her own mind, let her change her status let her find her herself. She is 21, and not to say this happens with every 21 year old but it happens to a lot. This is a age where you are confused about who you are and you have this sense of freedom because of everything you are allowed to do now. Just so many changes. I would save the heartache and just move on. If she comes back then you can decided then, but right now that is not going to happen. Break it off with her officially and just move on.

I can only agree with the previous posters, you need to go no contact with her now. You need to clear your head and not go around in circles with this situation which is going nowhere. Do you seriously want to be waiting for someone who's too much of a coward to come straight out and say: it's over?
You're allowing yourself to cling to false hope and that's a bad place to be.

It's been almost a month since I posted my last update. Today, after thanksgiving, I just had a nightmare last night about her. I was talking to her dad and her ex-bf. And when I woke up this sick feeling in my stomach and dizziness started killing me. It's been like that all day and I cannot function. Thank god I'm off today. For almost a month, we didn't talk at all.. but I sent her a card for thanksgiving last Tuesday. I really want to get back with her for a month, I've been thinking if I really want her if I really want to be with her for rest of my life. I wrote down things like if I can live without her, if I love her, if she has qualities I'm looking for, if I can do things she wanted me to do and yes I want everything. It's not like one day decision. I've been going through this for 2 1/2 weeks and answer is same.. but I don't know if she wants me back. At this point I'm back to point zero. I know everyone will say the same thing. Please say to me again. I need some harsh advice.

You sound like a great catch to me. It's hard to find a man who's loving, thoughtful, kind, and hard working. You should be proud of yourself for doing what you have to do to pay the bills and get ahead.

You don't really have a choice. Just stop talking to her period. If she thinks that you're surviving (better yet thriving) without her she may re-think her stance. No guarantees... woman can be a little fickle sometime. Besides, she may not be the true girls of your dreams. Your real soul-mate may still be out there looking for you! :)

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths,
I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.

Patience my friend! Are you taking care of yourself? Eating well, exercising, socializing, taking up new activities?

Stop putting her on a pedestal if you open your eyes there is a lot of superbe women out there. If she hasn't contacted you, she doesn't want you back and you need to move on.

Take comfort that soon enough your suffering will lesser down if you take care of yourself actively everyday.

You sound like a great catch to me. It's hard to find a man who's loving, thoughtful, kind, and hard working. You should be proud of yourself for doing what you have to do to pay the bills and get ahead.

You don't really have a choice. Just stop talking to her period. If she thinks that you're surviving (better yet thriving) without her she may re-think her stance. No guarantees... woman can be a little fickle sometime. Besides, she may not be the true girls of your dreams. Your real soul-mate may still be out there looking for you! :)

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths,
I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.

I think this is a wrong advice. If she doesn't want him, she won't call him. Even if she calls him it doesn't mean she wants to get back with him, far from it. I think this is giving false hope when he clearly needs to move on.

Your girlfriend is off contemplating her feelings for you. So there's nothing you can do but respect her wishes by giving her time and space.

Remember, you can't control the actions of others, you can only control your own actions.

Right now, your primary focus should be on yourself. You need to act in the best interest of yourself by doing things to help heal from your pains. Once you've healed from the pains that you have suffered, you will be in a better position to figure out what's the next best step FOR YOU.

If she comes back to you one day, then you can decide what to do. But don't spend every day sitting by the phone waiting for her to come back to you. Hang out with friends. Enjoy life.

I just got this post, and what YOU'VE written about her , that I cannot get out of my mind, is this:

She is "spoiled".
"Her mind is like a child"
She cannot form an opinion by herself.
"She acts bit*hy".
She cannot make up her mind about you.

I ask you this.

Why do you bother?

Why do you care about losing her?

Yes,why epark? Time to let go of false hope and truly start your healing process. Paxe's advice re activities is excellent.
Knock her off the pedestal and realise that you deserve better.

Just dropping few lines before I go to work..
It's been a little over a month since she told me she needed some time to think about our relationship. Everything happened so quick not even within a month. In just couple weeks, she started going out with other guys. This morning, when I woke up, I was asking myself why it happened so quick. And asking again, is she worth being together?

I think you must consider this over,and as you ask yourself,is she worth it? I'd say she's not and it's time for you to move on with your life.
Don't hang around waiting in limbo anylonger.

hey epark seem like you and I are on the same timeline with the breakup. Seriously NC is the way to go... the pain u feel when you wake up and go to sleep eventually goes away. Trust me, I wake up to dreams that feel so real and I ask myself did I do wrong. You gave it your best shot in the relationship and you tried to make it work at the end. What else can you do? Like allot of times I think I could have done everything right and still be at this spot(sh*thole). Hang in there, Time for you to start living your life. Try to focus on anything... I mean I can't focus on shiet but just do it so you don't sit with your thoughts. It will only drive you crazy. Read the stickies they help allot and its OK if you slip up. I slip up once already =/

Threads merged

After four months of no contact, she started showing up at where I go like parties, same movies, txt me and asking how Im doing, call me at 2 in the morning. And she wants to be friends and see if Im changed.
Should I keep doing no contact? Or be friendly and graduately show her that I've changed and different?

Sometimes it is not a good idea to get back together with an ex partner. But other times, getting back together with an ex can work out very well. The first question you may want to consider is how/why did things end? Did you separate peaceably or did you separate with a huge fight? If it ended peaceably, then at least you can simply reconnect and move on to getting the relationship going again if the feelings are mutually still there. The two of you need to figure out together what went wrong so that you can work as a team to make sure it does not happen again. Make sure you are getting back together with an ex for the right reasons. You mentioned that there was a loss of trust in the relationship. This is huge.
If you have any doubts, or if both of you aren’t ready to commit to making the relationship work the second time around, I’d seriously consider staying strong and sticking to NC. If not, then perhaps start as friends and just take things slow and see what happens.

Threads merged

After four months of no contact, she started showing up at where I go like parties, same movies, txt me and asking how Im doing, call me at 2 in the morning. And she wants to be friends and see if Im changed.
Should I keep doing no contact? or be friendly and graduately show her that I've changed and different?


My response was to this posting. I didn't realize this was such a huge thread!

What about her changing so that you can trust her?
She still,it seems want to be in charge of the situation.

It takes two to tango and so long as she is not willing to work on her own issues,nothing much has changed.

I suggest you stick to NC and get back to moving on.

The thing is I can't say I've done everything perfectly right. It is true that I neglected her for a while and when I got off late from work, she always came to my place to see me because I was too tired to go to her house. But before that summer, I was doing really good and I treate her so nice and I guess she misses me that time. That's why she's trying to see if Im different now. I txted her back last Sunday and she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship but want to be friends with me. And I kind of pushed her by asking what makes you not want to give us a try right now and she said she want to open her heart but she doesn't know how and also asked me
How she can trust me. Next day, she txted me the same thing. She's too busy with school and stuff so no relationship she's looking for. Did I rush things too fast? I know she's controlling this whole situation but I nothing to say because she seems like fine without me.

She just wants to be friends right now and you need to respect that. By trying to push her into something something she's not completely ready for (or may not want) then you are going to ruin any chance of even a relationship. Ask yourself this, can you see yourself respecting her feelings and being strictly just friends with her? If not, then you need to continue NC. You cannot force her into getting back into a relationship with you, and why would you want to? If you care about her, then respect her feelings and stick to friends.