Hello Everyone, I hope someone on here can give me a little help.

I've been in a relationship with a guy now since September, his name is Jake. We're both in our 20's and things are going really great for us. We have great communication, trust and just a lot of fun. We've both had serious relationships in our past, so we know exact what we're looking for and I really couldn't ask for a better guy.

We've discussed our views on certain things and for the most part we share the same values. However, there's one thing that is bothering me a tad and I've discussed it with him. I've very against infedelity of any sort (whether it be having sex with another person and simply kissing them) and strongly believe that when two people are in a commit relationship that they should only be intimate with each other. I told him that I would never tolerate cheating of any sort, I would be running for the door so fast.

He isn't sure if he would break up with someone if they cheated on him. As long as they came to him and was completely honest about where they stood on it. If they expressed that it was stupid thing, and that they don't have any actual feelings for the other person and if he believes them and trusts that they are telling the truth then he thinks he can get past the cheating.

He expressed that our different views worries him a bit, that it may effect us in the future. He expressed to me that he does not want anyone else, and that he cannot see wanting anyone else in the future. I totally believe him when he says this, he is very open and honest with me and I have no reason to not believe him. He is the kind of guy that if he saw himself wanting someone else, he would definitely tell me about these before anything happened.

I'm just worried a little though. If he doesn't see himself wanting to be with anyone else in the future, why would our different views matter? He tells me he can see himself with me in his future, he's never felt this way about a girl before. He hasn't done the serious relationship thing in awhile (he's dated a lot of girls just no relationship in a few years) but knew as soon as he got to know me that he wanted to just be with me and only me.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to clear my head!

Well that is his view, just make sure you are very stern on your view and that it will be not tolerated or a second chance be given!

Him saying if it didn't mean anything, then he could get over it and trust again. Well if it didn't mean anything, Don't DO IT!

Well that is his view, just make sure you are very stern on your view and that it will be not tolerated or a second chance be given!

Him saying if it didnt mean anything, then he coudl get over it and trust again. Well if it didnt mean anything, DONT DO IT!

The part where I said he could get over it and trust again, I meant if the person he was with cheated. For example, lets just say I cheated on him, that it wouldn't necessarily mean that he would break up with me if I was honest with him and expressed that I had no feelings for the other person and I had made a mistake.

And yes, I've made it very clear how I feel about cheating. It just makes me nervous that he's nervous about it I suppose!

The part where I said he could get over it and trust again, I meant if the person he was with cheated. For example, lets just say I cheated on him, that it wouldn't necessarily mean that he would break up with me if I was honest with him and expressed that I had no feelings for the other person and I had made a mistake.

I was well aware of this. Is what I am saying, is where is his morales behind this. If your cheating if you ever did cheat, meant nothing, and was just a mistake! Then if it meant nothing, its not worth doing. All I am saying is I am questioning his morales

Oh sorry, I misunderstood. Thank you for clearing that up! It makes sense to me now.

I wouldn't trip to hard on this, as there is plenty of room, and time, to clearly define what you mean. So you don't exactly match on a few things, so what?

You just keep getting to know each other, and don't trip over the small stuff. It's a process, not an event.

No doubt more will be revealed later. Then you will have more knowledge of each other in which to UNDERSTAND each other better.

I wouldn't trip to hard on this as there is plenty of room and time to clearly define what you mean. So you don't exactly match on a few things, so what?

You just keep getting to know each other and don't trip over the small stuff. Its a process, not an event.

No doubt more will be revealed later. Then you will have more knowledge of each other in which to UNDERSTAND each other better.


Don't start fixing something if it's not broken!

Don't start fixing something if it's not broken!!

You know what, that is great advise and totally true. I need to stop worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. It's something that is completely out of my control at the moment.

I just need to focus on now, and as of now things are going great.

You know what, that is great advise and totally true. I need to stop worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. It's something that is completely out of my control at the moment.

I just need to focus on now, and as of now things are going great.

Good for you. Sounds like you have a great guy! Blessings

There is nothing wrong, in my opinion with being a little apprehensive at the start of a relationship and cheating and differing views on it can be a big issue, and a very sensitive one.

But I think that the fact that you two could both allow your frank views to be known is a very good sign that this relationship is headed in the right direction. Trust and communication are key to a relationship. You say you trust him and you are communicating.

All is well. So let it be that way.
Best of Luck.

Had a little chat with the boyfriend and expressed basically my last message to him, that I really want to try to focus on the present and how great things are instead of pointlessly worrying about what may or may not happen in the future.

He told me basically where he's at now is that he is so fulfilled being with me. He doesn't feel the need or want to be with, or do things with any body else. He can't say for certain that it will always be this way ( I told him of course not, none of us can tell the future) but he can't imagine ever doing anything that would jeopardize our respect, the love he has for me or the great friendship we have built. He was feeling nervous about our differences because he cares so strongly for what we have together.

I feel a lot better now, thank you for your all your words of advise!

And also, we discussed that it's okay to have differences in a relationship, we are all individuals with our own opinions and beliefs. It would be naïve to think that in a relationship you have to share the same views on everything.

Glad you are feeling better :) Keep the communication and trust alive, as I said they are essential, if you allow yourself to get too into your own head about these things, that normally can easily be resolved with a frank and honest chat with your significant other, it can end in disaster.

All the best.

And also, we discussed that it's okay to have differences in a relationship, we are all individuals with our own opinions and beliefs. It would be naive to think that in a relationship you have to share the same views on everything.


It would also be very boring. Having different views adds a little spice to a marriage or relationship.