Threads merged

I'll try to keep this as short as I possibly can, fill you in on my situation and what the problem is that I can't overcome that seems to be slowing down my recovery time from my broken heart. I'm not trying to make a self pity post, and I'm not trying to win her back... I am simply just denying myself the ability to heal in a few single ways that I cannot seem to overcome. I have read some amazing things, on this board and others. Some great advice, perhaps its my own willpower that is causing me to do this. Anyway, to make light of my situation I'll try and break it down as short as I can.

I met her online, through a dating website. I never had any luck being a social butterfly so I took the high route, tried the internet thing and it worked! I was so ecstatic to make this connection with someone, we talked about ten months before meeting (Why so long? We broke communication for awhile inbetween). Anyway, it finally came to the point where we met, and it started, we began dating. I knew the whole time she had a son, at this time he would have only been 7 months old. It never bothered me, I never looked at it was baggage just looked at it as an important part of her life, and since he was the biggest part of her world, I wanted to make sure I made him a big part of my life too.

I met her family, her friends and I frequently stayed at her place (outside of town) for 2-3 days straight. It was wonderful, her family embraced me (they constantly told me they thought I was good for her and her son). I fell in love with her, and her son. She never was using me, she never asked me for a single thing for her son, the only thing I ever bought him was a toy truck for Christmas. Everything was going great, I couldn't be happier, a smile could never leave my face. When I was not in town, we would text and talk on the phone pretty much every night. Her son started calling me Dad, I would play with him all the time... I would do anything she would ask me to do to help her out. The simple things, warm up bottles, grab pacifiers... nothing major.

The conversation came up about moving in together, I would move so her son could be close to his family, all his family... they all live in the same town. My family all lived out east, besides my Mother and brother who only lived an hour outside of town. This wasn't a big deal for me, I could still do everything I wanted. I agreed, two short months and I could be with her all the time, and her son. I was ecstatic, I would finally not only see her every few weeks but basically everyday. She was thrilled too, she cried and told everyone right away. "He's coming, hes coming in two months!". Ill still never forget the smile, the joy on her face. I would be with her, and her son.

I don't know what happened, things changed in ONE single night. We decided to go to the bar. Her sister, a mutual friend, her and I. I decided I would ride with "Rob" to the bar, so she could pick up her sister and "Rob" wouldn't have to go alone. I didn't see this as that big of a deal, apparently it was. We had two drinks, only stayed out an hour and on the way home I asked what was wrong. "You have been rude to me ALL DAY!" she said, we got home and went to bed. She kissed me, said she loved me and went to sleep. The next morning she was really bitter, I could tell by the look on her face. We were in the kitchen, feeding her son. "Whats wrong?" I asked, "You were SO rude to me yesterday". We talked about what happened, she was upset I never went to the bar with her. Now, I can understand that a bit, but never thought it would be THAT big of a deal. So, that day we drove back into town. I had work that night.

She ignored me the entire time, she put in her iPod. I grabbed her hand, held it the whole way home. As we arrived at my place, I looked at her... and the look on her face I knew it was going to end. She looked at me, "Ill always love you" as I kissed her, a mutual kiss. "I love you" as I got out of the car... her son looking at me. I didn't know this would be the last time I would see him. She contacted me about an hour later, said she couldn't do it anymore. I was too clingy, too needy... the same cop out crap everyone says. That's all I got.

My heart broken, I cried for days... at the drop of a dime. I would cry for 10 minutes, 20 minutes... I could barely work, in fact I called in sick that day, first time I have ever missed work. Week went by, and randomly who shows up at my work place... her, and her two sisters. Nobody said anything, she was there for ten minutes and left. It never upset me, rather confused me. It was like she was checking up on me, to see how I was without saying anything. I already started NC, but I couldn't help myself but try and figure out why she came into work. She just said "I never thought you would be working"... I am one of only three people who work FULL time there. I am there 90% of the time. Anyway, we haven't talked since that day.

Her birthday rolled around last week, I was thinking about sending her a "Happy Birthday" text, that's all... to let her know I still care, still love her, and still think about her. I objected against it, staying NC... knowing the response I would get would be "Thanks" or no response at all. Little did I know, her birthday... new boyfriend. Two weeks after breaking up. I was heart broke again, thinking maybe she just needed sometime to think about what she wanted, apparently not.

Anyway, my problem. I can't help myself but "check up" on her. I'm not stalking her, not going to her place or anything. I can't help but not check her face book, its how I found out about her new boyfriend, her still moving into the house WE were going to get, her new job... how happy she is. I don't have her on my face book, but I can still view her "Wall" and her status updates. I can't help myself, it's setting me back. I can't help but think about her at work, at home, when I am out with friends. I miss her, and still am in love with her.

What can I do to try and stop this?

I know how difficult this must be for you. May I ask how old the two of you are? How long did the relationship last? It is possible that if her son was 7 months old when you started talking to her, she was either still with the father of the son, or just fresh on a breakup. I am getting a feeling from reading about the two of you, that you may have been her rebound. Is it possible that you were? You seemed to have moved awfully fast, and right there is a red flag. It is unfortunate that if this was the case, she needed you to get over the hurt of her breakup, and maybe she just caused a "fight" with you because she no longer needed you. That is the role of a rebound relationship. Once they are over the past, they want to move on, and you may just remind her of someone who helped her through a difficult transition in her life. I wish you well in your recovery from this breakup. You really need to stop checking on her Facebook. MY ex and I blocked each other from everything. I was dumped, and I used to check his sites for just a crumb of info, and once I was blocked, I was able to move on. You are just holding yourself back by looking at things that are no longer your business. Keep your head up, only time will heal.

We are both 21, her and the father were split up before she even knew she was pregnant. They were off for 6 months before she and I started dating. We were together for half a year.

Did she discuss the relationship with her ex with you? I am sure it must have been very hard for her to have a pregnancy and have the baby all by herself and her emotions must have been all over the place. I really do think that perhaps she does not want to tie herself down to one person, she could still be healing from the relationship, plus the two of you are really young. Six months together is not a long time to most, but I am sure that it feels like an eternity to you. Heartbreak has no timeline. All I can offer you is to move on and look ahead to your future, and be thankful that this girl set you free to find someone who truly deserves your love.

We talked about that relationship, it was non-existent. I saw her son more in a week than he has his entire life. She already has a new boyfriend two weeks after us spliting up.

My Ex Fiancée whom I was with for ten years, was in a new relationship within 10 days of our breakup, he moved in with her within a month, and now they are getting married this August, after being together for a little over a year. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don't fully understand what a relationship entails. It seems like it is the good girls/guys that get left in the dust. I know you must have a whole lot of emotions going on, anger, sadness, frustration, that is all normal. But please take my advice, the longer you are checking up on her, and seeing that she has moved on, you are only going to feel worse. It is best to remember the good times you shared, and chalk it up to a lesson learned. I know it is tough, because it seems like you grew attached to her son, (she never should have introduced the two of you until she was sure she wanted the relationship, it just confused and hurts the kids), but this is not your fault. You have to realize that you did nothing wrong in contributing to the demise of the relationship, and live your life happily. It will take time, so spoil yourself, hang out with friends, but block her from contacting you. You will only slow your healing process otherwise. She may realize one day what she lost, but by then, you may be moved on in a healthy loving relationship, and she will feel what you are feeling right now.

It's just difficult, cause if six months down the road she wants to talk... id find it incredibly hard not to talk to her and see what's up. Remember, we stopped talking for a few months and one day she decided to text me and we started talking again.

I understand that. I used to think the same thing, if my ex contacted me I would talk to him or not, but thankfully he never did contact me. I have to see him occasionally, and it really hurt at first, but I really try not to notice him at all, and it has become easier. Who knows where you will be in six months? Hopefully you will take my advice and cease all contact including Facebook, myspace, text, email, and take time for yourself. Try to keep busy, stay active, go have fun. In short, be 21! Oh if I could have my 20's back, I would be so happy. I lost my 20's in that toxic relationship I was in, and if I had to do it all over, I would run! But in your shoes, being fresh out of a breakup, I did not know that. The love you have for her is real. Never be angry at yourself for caring. One day you will find a wonderful woman who will sweep you off your feet and make you feel like the good guy you are. You will look back at this relationship as just one step closer to finding a great girl. I promise :)

We can only hope, I can't tell you how many tears I've cried in the past month, the hurt I have felt and the sense of loss. She was my first true love, and it's hard to let go of her. I can't help but think about her everyday.

You will probably never totally get over her. Some people live their lives and still love their ex's. Despite all the pain my ex caused me, I still love him. It IS possible to love someone, but they are not the right ones to be in a relationship with. I still cry sometimes and it has been over a year for me. But I feel like it is healthy to let out your emotions, it frees yourself up from the baggage you would carry into a new relationship. I know the thought of being with someone new at this point of your life is non-existant, but you will one day. But take your time, don't rush. There is not a day that does not go by that I don't think of my ex. But it is more like "Thank God I dodged that bullet". There are 5 stages of Grief. You will have to go through them all. The hardest one to get over is the first step where you are. You are in shock. Does everything around you feel like it is Weird? I remember going to work and staring at my computer screen and then I would look at the clock and hours would have passed. You are going to get really angry at one point. What helped me is writing my feelings down, angry letters to my ex (but don't actually send them). I have reread them recently and I can't help but shake my head at how I was feeling, but it was my feelings at the time. You will get through this.

I'm past the initial shock, the constant crying... done all that. I just can't help but think about her ALL the time, and check up on her

I promise you that once you stop checking up on her, it will become easier. You will have thoughts of her, but slowly over time, your hurt and grief will fade. She as well as you has a right to live your life, so if she chose to move on quickly into another relationship, there is nothing you can do about it. Just wish her the best (in your head), and once you forgive her for hurting you (you don't have to say that to her, just in your mind and heart), then you will again see how easier it will get for you. I wish you luck, I will give others a chance to advise you. Keep your head up. :)

Just to add to some great points by Notsogreat, basically she has dumped you several times and this is the final one. I think you had enough real flags that would, if paid attention to, made you a lot more cautious of this female and not be so quick to get carried away by her willing nature, or soothing words.

To now move forward, stop checking on her as you rebuild your life, and remember if it looks to good to be true, it probably is, in regard to Internet hook ups.

You had some high hopes and got carried away, now you must exercise patience as you heal from this episode, that just didn't work like you thought.

Losing that first love sucks, but at least you will learn how best to cope in the future with those very strong intense feelings she brought out in you.

There are people, both male and female, that cannot accept a 'normal' loving relationship, or even know what that is. There are many who cannot accept that love is given without condition, and that there are men out there who don't run away where a woman with a child is concerned.

I think it isn't so much what lacks in you, as what lacks in her. To make such a commitment with you, and then turn on a dime, speaks volumes in my opinion.

You are the one that offered love, stability, a good influence on her son, a bright future, no drama, and faithfulness.

What did she offer in return?

Your needs have to be met here, and her shortcomings will become clear to you as time goes on.

If she had a serious commitment to another man two weeks after you split up, she was involved with you AND him long before you became aware of it.

You sound like a great guy to me, and I don't think you should shoulder the blame here, for what she didn't tell you, and for the manipulation.

You need to see all the positive things you can bring into the life of someone, and bring that to the next relationship.

You can do much better.

Thanks for all the insight, it means a lot to hear some of these things. I am going to try my hardest to stop looking at her things, my will power isn't too great in that regard. Let's see how things roll. Anymore opinions on this would be great to hear!

[QUOTE=talaniman;2246987]Just to add to some great points by Notsogreat, basically she has dumped you several times and this is the final one. I think you had enough real flags that would, if paid attention to, made you a lot more cautious of this female and not be so quick to get carried away by her willing nature, or soothing words.

She never dumped me several times either, just the once.

Find the willpower to not do it,as that will help you get over her more quickly.

Take it one day at the time and before you know it , a week will have gone by,then a month.

Yeah dude, everyone has the "checking up" problem to some extent. Maybe delete your Facebook, or block her... although I'm not sure if that keeps you from going to hers.

I tried deleting Facebook, all I have to do is reactivate it to view it again. It's really harder than I thought it was.

Eventually you'll get bored of it. But another thing you could do is contact her and ask her to make her wall private. I know that would be uncomfortable and weird, but it would help you and cut ties even further with her.

Maybe she will catch wind of you looking at her Facebook and block you. My ex's new fiancée made my ex block me, and now I can't see anything anymore about him. I blocked his new girl cause she was contacting me, and she cannot unblock me at all.

Perhaps, it's still hard. I am tempted to look at it all the time to see what's going on. She lives in a small town, word gets around... everyone knows everyone. I like to know what's going on, for whatever reason. I understand there are more girls in the world, and one out there who is meant for me. It seems like she was that girl, after being single for so long (5+ years) I thought I finally waited my time to find someone special. Like, she was sent to me, all my heart ache for waiting for that special someone.

I miss her, love her still... I don't think I ever won't.

Like you said.

This is your first true love. Love, yes (For you). True, No.

Forget about this one. But learn from it.

There's more out there. Maybe its getting out. Meeting people, not just prospects. You never know...

I'm not going to lie BWK, I think your ex girlfriend has some issues...
She obviously doesn't respect the relationship you had and doesn't respect YOU!
She already has a child at this age? Not saying that a girl is bad at having a child at that age but man, she moved on so fast after her and her family said you were perfect?
Give me a break! Give yourself time to heal, the Facebook thing will eventually stop one day
What I do is just picture she's doing some dude all the time, I know it sounds insane but it helps with the pain, for me anyway lol

Lol. Well, ironically last night at work she texted me. The first time in a month, first time she contacted me. It was quite weird, "Hey"... she just asked What was up... thats it, I said not much, asked how she and her son were. She said good, and she was moving today. I said hope you have fun, and that was the end of the conversation. It was like giving me false hope. So, a few hours later I decided I needed to make sure she didn't need anything.

I texted her "Was there something you wanted to talk about?", just never got a response.

The beauty of sticking with no contact and not replying to any crumbs thrown at you is that you avoid this confusion and the rekindling of false hope.

Don't reply,should it happen again.

Absolutely stay no contact. These 'crumbs' as amicon put it are in all honesty beneath you.

You are a good guy and unfortunately sometimes we all finish last. Life can be a b!tch for everyone at some time or another and sometimes it's just nice to remember what comes around goes around.

This girl is willing to jump from relationship to relationship and in doing that you only get hurt it just a matter of time before she starts to open her eyes and see the great guy she let go for some small trivial reason. BUT you will not know when this happens because you are going to stay NC. ;)

You are not helping yourself. Take solace in the fact that you have acted as an honourable gentleman should in all aspects of this relationship and move on. There is no more here for you, you are only hurting yourself.

By the by, facebook/myspace etc are the bane of the existence of the heartbroken, don't let yourself be another casualty in the war against NC. :)

Thanks for all the advice. Things are going pretty good. I have had urges to check her face book lately, I'm just under 24 hours of not checking it. A small accomplishment at the very least. It still upsetting, I had to cancel a date today with a girl... I made the mistake of potentially dating when I'm not fully over my ex girlfriend. It would be so unfair to her, if my head and heart was still with someone else and not give her the actual me.

Things are getting better, tomorrow was the day I was suppose to move in with her. I imagine tomorrow will be a hard day as well.

Make sure you keep busy tomorrow and make plans for your own future.

You will get past this.

Threads merged

Well, I have had this idea running through my head for quite sometime now. If you read my previous posts about my breakup, that happened exactly a month ago today. So, I have had this idea in my head for quite awhile and would like peoples honest opinions on it.

When we broke up, I wanted one last chance to talk to her... about what went wrong, stuff like that, honestly more for closure. I wasn't trying to get her back at all... I just wanted to talk. Now, I know, stupid idea. However, ever since I have had an urge to write her a letter, and put it in her mailbox. I fully intend to do this, not right away... in a few months when I am finally over her, and my situation. Included, I want to give her back this bracelet thing she gave me for Christmas.

It was an item I held near and dear to my heart, displayed my name on the top and underneath "Love (insert name)". I don't wear it anymore, or even look at it... its put in a certain place I can't see it regularly. I have thought about doing this for a few weeks, and honestly believe it would help giving me closure on the situation. I don't intend to plead to have her back, or upset her, etc... just tell her what I was feeling at the time that I never had the chance to say to her.

In a few months I want to drive out, put a letter and the item in a envelope and leave it as that. What do you guys think?

I think that's a lousy idea to return a gift for one, and a letter that can only stir up dust that is settling, is another very lousy idea. If you want closure, accept that this thing is over, burn the letter, and pack the bracelet away.

That's a much better idea at this time. Why would you screw up a months worth of healing, just to get her attention, so you can talk? Makes no sense.

I don't know what it is, to make a long story short... if you read about my breakup a few months ago. Well, I found a new lady and my old habits come back. I'm always worried something is wrong, and she's going to dump me. For no reason whatsoever, how can I change this habit?

Did an adult you loved or respected dump you or abandon or majorly disappoint you when you were a child?

BWK10 agrees : you... my father.
Will you tell me about it? What happened? How old were you?

Parents got divorced when I was 13... thats about it

Parents got divorced when I was 13...thats about it
Um, I don't think so.

How did you feel when that happened? You mentioned feeling dumped or abandoned? Why, if "that's about it."

Well, my dad and I were very close. I haven't had a relationship with him since, I did feel abandoned and I can see how that contributes to this. I just feel like she's just going to do the same thing

Well, my dad and I were very close. I havent had a relationship with him since, i did feel abandoned and I can see how that contributes to this. I just feel like shes just going to do the same thing
Commitment is a risk, isn't it. You can't be sure you can trust the other person to feel like you do.

What should I do about this though

First, you need to talk about it with someone who doesn't know you and who is unbiased. Would you meet with a counselor for a few sessions?

I've done that already

ive done that already
Then why are you still asking about it here?

What happened in counseling?

ive done that already
I want to help. Please allow me to.

Nothing really happened, the counseling was more about my last relationship and how it ended. It really crushed me, I met this new girl... shes fantastic but I feel she's too good for me, I don't know what she sees in me. I feel like she will find someone better than me, or realise I'm a waste of time

Nothing really happened, the counseling was more about my last relationship and how it ended. It really crushed me, I met this new girl...shes fantastic but I feel shes too good for me, I don't know what she sees in me. I feel like she will find someone better than me, or realise I'm a waste of time
The counseling has ended? Would you go back to explore your unwillingness to take emotional risks?

I don't know what she sees in me.
What's good about you?

A comment I read a few days ago on here, really made me happy I found these boards, it was said along the lines of,

"Whenever your having troubles, you can always come here. We'll be here to talk, help you through your issues...always"

That really made me smile, I still read these forums every couple of days now, maybe even everyday. It's interesting to see what people are going through, only a minimal percentage of people in the world... but being able to relate to other people who take the time to write about their issues, and the overwhelming of great responses has me coming back for more.

Which brings me back, to discuss something else that I feel I need to talk about. If anybody read my posts a few months ago, breaking up with my first true love.. you know I took it pretty bad. Needless to say, I'm still healing... but way better off than I was months ago. I haven't talked or heard from her since the middle of February and haven't seen her in person either, which has really helped me with that. But, that brings me to my next problem. I met someone, someone that... I think I have already ruined my chances with her.

We met online, the second time I've met someone online and started dating. We talked, about a lot of things... she knew about my ex who I had just broke up with a month prior, my situation and emotional state. However, she was adamant into making things work, which I didn't mind... I do genuinely like her, a lot. We met, things clicked and we started dating about a month ago. We have fun together, laugh... had great dates... she worked with my Mom for a few years, they already knew each other and they loved one another. Her parents liked me... it's a good situation... until I decided to bring out the "L" word.

A friend of mine today, told me about how she has been talking to him. About our situation, how I said that I loved her after a week (I did, probably not the smartest of idea's), just... personal stuff that I wish she talked to me about... not my friend. Today, talking she said she was having thoughts about her feelings.. I asked "About me?"... she said "No" and she left it at that. At that time, afterwords is when my friend started telling me about the things she had said to him.

This leading me to believe, things are going to come crashing down really soon. Per say, I think she's going to breakup with me. I can say, I really do love her... I know what love feels like, and from what she says to me.. she loves me too. She says she gets butterfly's when she sees me, stuff like that. I know she could be saying it to shield my feelings so I don't get hurt. I don't know what to think. I move too quickly, and it seems to be the downfall of my relationships... at least this one.

We have been through quite a lot together in just a months time, we had a pregnancy scare... YESTERDAY. She came over at 8 am, telling me she thought she was pregnant. We went back to her place, she cried... I was shaking, neither of us ready for this. I'm 21, she's 18. We had an "accident" when having sex about a week ago... the condom came off, neither of us knew for how long or when. Pretty sure I wasn't inside her but I insisted on being safe and bought "Plan B". So, yesterday she told me she had been sick in the morning for a few days, vomiting... other classic signs of being pregnant. We went, bought a test... took it and she wasn't. The relief on both our faces, she grabbed me instantly... hugged me and kissed me and said she loved me. Before I even knew about this... she texted me at 7:30am that morning saying "We need to talk"... we all know that's never a good sign.

Instantly I thought she was going to break it off then, I texted her back. "Can you just tell me?"... "I'm not breaking up with you...I love you too much"


I just don't know what to think right now, or even what to do. I figure, give her space... let her think. It's all I can really do. This morning she was talking like everything was okay... then suddenly she has these thoughts about her "feelings". I texted her after my friend and I talked... saying "its about me, isn't it?" and haven't had a response since. Which is fair, I'll leave her be and let her have the space she needs to think about this. I just don't know what to do.


Just a bit of an update... we just talked and she told me once again that her "problem with her feelings" have nothing to do with me... and she says we are fine. I have a hard time believing that.

Your threads have been merged so as not to confuse us, so keep all your posts about the same subject here and just post updates and give input to the advice and questions you receive. No need for new threads about the same thing.

As to your latest post, hold your head up, and see that not only do you fall fast for another female, but you don't cope very well to the stress of a relationship. You have no confidence man, and that's what you need. That's what gets us through tough times, and even rejection. Just having the attitude of everything will be alright no matter what life throws at you makes things a lot better and maybe you won't get so carried away by your gloom and doom attitude and see things differently. That's what confidence does, makes you see things differently, and you know what you have to do to stay confident.

Jumping from female to female is not confidence, its merely replacing what you lost with another face, and body. The pregnancy scare was a fair warning that you move to fast, and are so carried away by your feelings of loss from the ex, and just want someone else to make you feel better about yourself.

If your not happy with who you are, and what you are, then change it, and be that happy person who has something good to share with another. Now you're all in love with a new female, who maybe doesn't understand you but sure as hell will go as fast as you want. But trust me, that pregnancy scared her into thinking with her head and not her feelings and things will change, they have to, or there will be more scares and some hurt feelings.

How about talking more, and screwing less, since neither of you seems to be ready for the consequences of having sex, and neither is in love. Its lust for sure, and when it wears off, you will see what's left.

Most mature people who have feelings, talk to make sure they establish some boundaries through communications, to deal with these very real issues, others who act on impulse and feelings have kids that ruin a relationship, and the future of themselves, and the kids that "just happen".

Think dude before you get into something you should have seen coming, and done the right thing about it. I bet your counselor already told you to stay out of relationships until you have healed and dealt with your issues and gotten some degree of confidence through accomplishing goals of your own, and have a healthy dignity, and self respect for yourself. If they didn't tell you this, then I am now.

I agree with you saying, I need more confidence. I think if there is any major flaw in who I am... it's the lack of confidence in myself. And confidence is something which does make or break who somebody is. I think I have more confidence in myself then I did say, a few months ago... I did learn things about myself, who I am, where I am going.

And, in saying I am jumping from female to female couldn't be further from the truth. I don't believe in meaningless relationships or sex. There has to be a purpose to everything sexual to me... that's why I was a virgin until last year. She is only the second girl I've ever had sex with.

Perhaps we do need to have sex less, and talk more. In fact, I agree with that. I'm never the one to initiate sex, I know that might sound absurd... but she always engages in it. Perhaps I need to tell her "No".

As for my counselor, I stopped seeing her after two sessions. Probably the biggest mistake I made, I felt after talking the two times I didn't need the help anymore. I think all my trust issues, worrying relates back to my parents divorce. It seems anyone who comes into my life... eventually leaves, so I try and protect myself rather then putting my guard down and allowing myself to be fully happy with someone.

This girl, is remarkable... she makes me feel incredible. We got through that little scare together, and I think it could make our relationship stronger rather than hurt it. I think it will depend on how things go... we just talked, just about nothing in particular for an hour... just talked. I think this will cause us to be more careful, but like you said... put boundaries on our relationship.

As for myself... I think getting more self confidence would be so much more beneficial to myself... I just can't seem to get any. I'm not lazy, I have a great work ethic... and I'm a nice person, almost too nice to a degree. I don't know where to go from here... as of now... my girlfriend and I still are going on our date tomorrow night.

As for my counselor, I stopped seeing her after two sessions. Probably the biggest mistake I made, I felt after talking the two times I didn't need the help anymore. I think all my trust issues, worrying relates back to my parents divorce. It seems anyone who comes into my life...eventually leaves, so I try and protect myself rather then putting my guard down and allowing myself to be fully happy with someone.
Can you hook back up with this counselor to dig into your abandonment and trust baggage?

I could yes... but my mind is now more on my current girlfriend then that right now. I want to make sure honestly everything is okay with us like she says.

I could yes...but my mind is now more on my current girlfriend then that right now. I want to make sure honestly everything is okay with us like she says.
You're putting the cart before the horse. And there's no room in your life for both of them?

There definitely is, I'll look into it right away. It would be good to talk again.

There definitely is, I'll look into it right away. It would be good to talk again.
Otherwise, you're going to be sitting in my office and talking with ME.

Hehe. Wouldn't complain. But, what should I do with this situation. My girlfriend says everything is fine... believe it?

Hehe. Wouldn't complain. But, what should I do with this situation. My girlfriend says everything is fine...believe it?
"Fine" is a loaded word with shades of meaning. Being together and just talking (no sex) will tell you a lot. (May I come along and sit in the back seat? I'll be quiet.)

I made sure I confirmed it with her, she has had trouble with her feelings lately, she is adement it has nothing to do with me, I can't not believe her and hound her about the situation. I ask, because I tend to over think things, and it consumes me. The fact I have to go to work tonight, and wonder if the end is near between us will make my work, and brain suffer. I'm sure Ill be glued to my cellphone for texts.

I made sure I confirmed it with her, she has had trouble with her feelings lately, she is adement it has nothing to do with me, i can't not believe her and hound her about the situation. I ask, because I tend to over think things, and it consumes me. The fact I have to go to work tonight, and wonder if the end is near between us will make my work, and brain suffer. I'm sure Ill be glued to my cellphone for texts.
Sounds like you're your own worst enemy...

Can you tell yourself some other story? Maybe mentally clean my house before Sunday when my mother-in-law comes over.

BWK10, a good friend of mine always tells me "Dont waste your energy focusing on things you can't control, but use that energy to focus on things you can control" the feelings she has you have no control on it, but you can control yours, and what you need to do is be the best man you can for her. Don't smother her with your insecurity cause that would only push her away. If she wants to talk about her feelings, don't say is it about us I don't want us to break up. All your trying to do is make her feel bad and hold back on her feelings. Wondergirl and tal are right, you need to focus on YOU. How can you have a healthy relationship if you can't even have a healthy relationship with yourself. Work on yourself whatever it is you need to work on, before you work on a relationship. How can you expect to help her if you can't even help yourself Emotion wise.
Please talk to your counselor again, and really address everything that's been going on with your life, Not with your recent break up,but with your dad leaving. The sooner you fix your past the sooner you can face the future.

I just wanted to take a minute to personally say, from the bottom of my heart to everyone who reads/posts regularly on this website that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the help, guidance and advice I have received since I stumbled upon this website four months ago.

You helped me through my first real breakup, and helped me back to my feet... and I have now found a truly amazing, beautiful, intelligent and fantastic partner. Today was my 21st birthday, she came to dinner with my family and I... and came back and watched a movie. She looked at me a way I have never been looked at before, and she told me she was truly happy and has never been this happy before... it made my heart melt. I'm finally happy.

Anybody reading this, who is going through a hard time... it gets better over time, trust me. You WILL find somebody, the girl I am with now.. may not be who I spend my life with, but I could see myself with her years down the road. Keep your heads up, listen to people on here... they have been through it before and makes it a lot easier.

Sincerely, A happy, happy guy! :D

Your threads have been merged so as not to confuse us, so keep all your posts about the same subject here and just post updates and give input to the advice and questions you receive. No need for new threads about the same thing.



If anybody does somehow, read this in full and comment. I commend you for being patient; here it goes.


I'm not too entirely sure if anybody here remembers me, hopefully a few of you do. I wrote on here quite a bit around four months back, my ex girlfriend and I had a split, and I wrote about it. Perhaps, if you want you could go back and read what I had wrote, I guess generally you could sum it up as the "first true love" heart break that everybody goes through. I took it relatively hard, and found solace in writing on this board. I'm not too entirely sure why, but it worked... I did talk to my friends and family, my mother being a great support to me through it all. We'll, after a few weeks of going through constant battles of emotional and physical torment (not eating).. I found somebody else. This is where my second story begins. I am hoping I can find a little more comfort writing, as I love to do it. I hope you all find time to read, and respond.

The story starting the first day I met her, we'll call her... Jess.

I met her online, as I did my previous girlfriend. I have no problem, no shame in admitting how I met somebody. Ironically, she and my mother worked together for a few years at a local restaurant. We started talking, and she told me about how she knew my mother... and that the two of them got along great. I figured it would be a good idea, since I never knew Jess personally, how my mother and her co-workers viewed her. My mother raved about how delightful, intelligent and quirky she was and that everybody at work got along with her. The only bad thing I had heard about her was she had a bit of a temper and attitude (I encountered that, but not all too much). We talked for quite a bit, probably two weeks online. I told her about my previous relationship, and how hurt I was and still was with the situation. She understood, but confessed how much she in fact liked me. One night, spontaneously I received a text message from her. We set up a date, a time to meet. I got nervous, stood her up (I forever hate myself for doing that). I told her, I was nervous and not sure if I was ready for this. She understood, but she liked me too much that she was willing to give me another chance... instead of ridding of me. She picked me up a few nights later, kind of an awkward way to meet somebody for the first time. I got into her car, looked at her... so quirky she was, and absolutely gorgeous. We drove around for awhile, she was terribly nervous, laughing and giggling at absolutely anything and everything I said... it was, cute. I wasn't sure if I liked her, she seemed... weird, lol. I don't know what it was with her, but I felt drawn to her. Trust me, it wasn't the idea of having somebody to replace my ex either... I was attracted to her.

We continued to talk, and hang out... we never had sex, or even kissed. She kind of, pushed me into a relationship I don't think I was totally ready for at the time, still only dealing a month with my ex-girlfriend wasn't enough time to properly heal. We kind of just, agreed to start seeing each other, regularly. Her, in school for a bachelors degree, myself... waiting a few years before going back to school to peruse my dream in law enforcement. We spent a lot of time together for the first month, almost inseparable. Besides myself working, and her school... we would always be around each other. It was, great. I loved every minute of it, some of my best memories are of her jumping into my arms and giving me a huge hug! She fit right in with my family, my Mom and her knew each other and talked like mother and daughter. My brother, would treat her great and strike up conversations with her. All was well, my family wasn't too fond of my last girlfriend... they loved Jess. The same goes for her family, so I thought (more of that later). They welcomed me, had me for dinner every second Sunday evening and treated me really good. Jess, being three years younger than me... her being only 18 her mother was still fairly, controlling. She would have to be home by ten, and be in bed by 11. It was like dating someone in high school. It was fine though, I liked Jess enough to deal with it... we did see each other a lot.

Summer came, school was over and it was time for her to get a full-time job. Working in a busy office, 10-12 hour days... along with being in a choir and just being a girl... her time was limited. Something that always bothered me was, in order for myself to get anytime with her. I always had to set something up, I never recall once time in the 3 months we dated when she set something up to see me. I tried, the wait and see game with her... but I couldn't resist trying to get time with her. I have lots of free time, other than working 40 hours a week... I don't really have a lot on my plate. This is where things became difficult, I wanted her to have her time to herself, and with her friends but I also wanted a commitment from her to have her spend some time with me. I asked her, prior to start dating if she was ready for a long-term relationship, and if she would have time for us. She full out said yes. Worse came to worse, and I decided since her one day off from work would be Wednesday... I would take it off work so we could see each other. That worked... for one Wednesday. We spent all day together, from 9 am till 11 pm. It was great, we made dinner, talked, did our running around together and had sex a few times.

We began, rather than texting, writing e-mails to one another. About half a page worth, talking about future plans and how happy we were together or just about anything in general. She loved them, she told me that co-workers had saw some of them and said that she definitely has a "keeper". She would talk about me at work, saying how happy she was, or how she loved the roses I would get her.

I had lots more spare time on my hands, and sitting at the computer one evening, I remember a situation with my ex girlfriend that had me pretty bitter. Dating back, I remember one night going on the website that we met on, and found her to be actively on the website listed as "single" (We broke up a week later). Now, I am not a very trusting type of guy and my head gets the best of me sometimes. I decided to go on the website that Jess and I met on... to see if she had been online. Guess what? She had been. I was shocked, and very... pissed off. I had her over the following night, she knew something was wrong as soon as I had picked her up. We both knew each other pretty good, when something was wrong. We got back to my place, and told her what I had discovered. She admitted she had been on the site, editing her profile to change it to "Not Single". I checked, and it was true. I let the issue go. A few weeks later, I checked again... no idea why, just a gut feeling. She was on, again. Still, listed as Not Single... this bothered me. I had heard from a close friend of mine, a buddy of his and Jess had hooked up on the site, simply for sex. I was appalled, I confronted her about being on the site again. She flat out denied it, breaking down into tears and saying "Why can't everyone just let me be happy?". I let this one go too, I had to trust her... I had no reason not too, I believed that. This continued to bother me, I kept checking to see if she had been on... and she had been. Even after we sat down and talked about it, I guess I was too naïve to see what was in front of me. I just let this go from this point on.

Our relationship got kind of rocky after two and a half months. Her job was taking up a lot of her time... any free time she did have she spent either with friends, or making up lies not to see me. I would be driving around town and see her driving her car, or somewhere else. She began ignoring my texts, my calls, etc. I wasn't smothering her, I left her alone and waited for her to text me. I let her have her space, she did her things... I did mine. This went on for about a week, maybe a bit longer. The Tuesday night, we got together and watched a movie together at her parents place... had I known this would be the last night her and I would be together as "boyfriend/girlfriend" I would have made the most of it, not meaning have sex... rather, cherished the time I had with her. She kissed me good night and I headed home. Woke up the next morning, headed over to her place. It was Wednesday, our day. I thought maybe she just needed a relaxing day, cause of all the work and such she had been doing. A day at home, I'd take care of her she wouldn't have to raise a finger. Didn't work that way, she had "lots of running around to do" and she only had a few minutes. We walked out to our cars, she kissed me goodbye and I headed home and did some of my own things. I'm driving around later that night, and see her so I throw her a text, "Just saw you, love your new haircut". Never got a response, I knew something had been brewing for the past week... as I said, she seemed different.

The past week, I had been stressing out pretty hard... she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. The days leading up to the breakup, I told her whatever was bothering her, she could tell me. I wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy scare (Truth be told, she hadn't had her period cause of all the stress she had been having with work, school... she took TWO tests, both negative) or if she just wasn't happy. I left her alone at this point, completely. I never wrote her, texted her... anything. She absolutely rang me out one morning cause I knew something was wrong... but a text saying "Nothing is wrong, you need to quit making assumptions....I love you, nothing will change that", eased me... slightly. I decided a night alone, to myself and a few laughs would be what I needed. I laid down, turned on a movie only to receive a text saying "Hey...so you know I have been saying nothing is wrong?" from Jess. I called her, and asked her to come over... she agreed. I knew what was coming, I had prepared myself for the past week... I couldn't cut it short earlier in the week... I loved her, and wanted to be with her. She came inside, just the two of us. She started crying, and apologizing and said I wasn't right for her. I held her, we hugged... many times. She said she was so sorry, and it had nothing to do with me, that I just... wasn't right for her. She said, her family and best friend knew it... but just kept their lips tight. This was hard, I broke down with her... we hugged, she whipped the tears from my face and even gave me a kiss on the cheek and said I deserve someone better, and that Id find someone who loved me. She had to go, mommy wanted her home... we couldn't talk much.

I was devastated, I had fallen in love with this girl. I loved everything about her. Her personality, her morals, her looks... absolutely loved EVERYTHING about her. We had our difficult times, I never gave up on her... with anything. I knew from experience, only a few months ago what I needed to do. I learned, that's what you need to do from things like this. I'm a firm believer in god, and believe he will do what is best for me. I am a strong person, I had only broken down that night and early Thursday morning. I went No Contact immediately. I knew that's what I needed, its how I healed the last time. My family and friends we're very supportive, I couldn't have asked for more.

The next day, after work... I decided a friend and I from work would hangout a bit... keep my mind busy. We went out and bought some food, and I am walking and hear my phone to start vibrating. I'm intrigued, wondering who it was... guess who? Jess. "Hey, hows it going?". I wasn't sure how to react, albeit less than 24 hours ago she broke my heart. I thought, maybe she realized she made a mistake... we talked... she said she missed me, and we should meet up and talk more. I thought this was a good idea, cause we didn't talk the night before and we would go for breakfast the next morning and I could get more questions answered and see what she had to say.

I got up, bright and early and headed down to where we agreed to meet. She showed up, but she didn't look to good... not accustomed to how she normally would look. She looked like she had been up all night, crying and what not. She showed up, extremely bitter... as if I asked her to breakfast cause I had to talk. We sat down, and to cut the story short... she just asked to be "friends?"... I was so confused, its been less than 2 days and you invited me to breakfast to be friends. Her excuse was, "I don't think I can cut you out of my life completely. I want to be friends, so I can talk to you...and tell you all my problems and have you be there for me". I felt like, I would be there just to be the fallback guy. At this point, I asked my questions... about her being on the dating site while we we're together, if their was another guy... she denied it all. She got even more aggravated when I told her I didn't view her as a friend and more as a companion. We got our bills, and headed out. To this day, I don't know why I did what I did. I paid first, and waited at the door for her and she looks at me, "Why are you waiting for me?". I think its cause, I still believed she was mine or I just couldn't help but be considerate. She blew past me, I was upset at this point as she stormed to her car. "Jess..." I said, she stopped, turned around. This point, I had enough... I need to heal. "Just, leave me alone" as I got into my car. "If that's what you want, you got it"... and that's the last I have heard from her to this day.

I still can't stop myself from thinking about her, checking her Facebook (I deleted her, but can still view her things), or her online biography which she edited on the dating website we have been on... saying she is looking for somebody else. I can't find myself to will myself not to look at these things... they bring me down slightly, as if I wasn't good enough for her.

I can't seem to pass 3 months with a relationship. They seem to get messed up somehow. I think my first relationship, prior to Jess... the demise was more or less my fault. With Jess, I really don't think I did anything wrong with her. I'm lost.

You don't have to do anything wrong for feelings to change, or for the interest just to fizzle out. Its just a reality of life and the thing you have to accept is moving to fast with the love, and commitment thing, especially when sex is involved, as lust tends to fade rather quick, but can be confused for love, Its no guarantee of a life long thing happening. And its easy to assume that your intense feelings are felt the same way by the partner you are with.

Actually dude, you kiss a lot of frogs before you find one that stays with you for life. That's just the way it is for most all the humans on the earth, so your not alone.

Learn to enjoy what you have, and move on when its over.

Thanks. Appreciate you reading this. I have been told by a few people lately that you will go threw a few before you find the right person. I just hope that's true :)

I've been in the same boat bwk10. I can't figure it out. The good news is that you will fall in love again. I keep thinking "this one is the one" then we break up for no good reason and then I meet the next "one". Only advice I can give is after a while, you slow down on jumping into the falling in love stage and relax (take it slow) more. You're at the age where you will kiss a lot of frogs but you still have plenty of time. Don't worry about finding the right one until you are in your late 20s.

I'd love to hear more input towards what everyone thinks of my situation. How do I go about "forgetting" about her, aka... stop looking at her Facebook and such. I know it has a lot to do with will, but I can only will myself so long before I become frustrated and need to look for any crumbs I can pick up. Pathetic? Yes, I know.

What helps me "forget" is reminding myself what women want. They want a man! And they like confidence. A man doesn't check a woman's Facebook page for crumbs. If she wanted to talk to you again, you haven't become the man she is looking for. When you want to check her Facebook page, think about what a man would do. He wouldn't care what she was doing. Once you don't care, you are ready for a new relationship or better prepared (more desirable) for her if you ever had a chance to win her back.

Anyone else care to share?

So. I was driving around town tonight and saw my ex girlfriends car. Needless to say... I went into the shop I thought she was at and she wasn't there. So, I decide to go across the parking lot and sit and wait to see where she was. Needless to say, looking around I am pretty sure she saw me on the balcony of the restaurant she was at. Mind you, I wasn't sure if it was her. Regardless that's not the point... I am dumb for doing this. I needed to confess to someone.

I'm so embarrassed of my behavior, I hope she Didn't see me. That's embarrassing and I am ashamed of myself for even doing that.

Yep DUMB , here's an official slap on the wrist ;)

As long as you've learn't your actions have consequences it's a good thing.

Yes. Agree, dumbest ing thing I could do. IDK why, I promised myself Id never do that. What do I do if she did see me? She never texted me or anything... but like, ugh... so embarrassing. I could never admit I did that

Does it feel better to confess? How long has she been an ex for?

Do you think you will do this again, or it scared you enough to think again about doing it.

She saw you she will feel stalked. Which you can not blame her for feeling that way.

How long were you together for? Well I have to give you a pat on the back for admitting that what you did was not good.

Joe

Ex for about three weeks. Yes, I would totally understand if she did see me how she'd feel. I'm ing petrified at the idea that she saw me. It was ing dumb, stupid, immature... trying to purposely bump into her. Totally a dumb idea, I just had to confine to someone... couldn't to people I know personally.

That is what we are here for. You know what it is understandable that you just wanted to see if you wanted to run into her. The thing is please please do not act nervous and get all freaked out. Or if some time you do see her she will think something is up.

Act like you do not care, do not be obvious about what you did. Do not let on anything. Try your best to let it go whether she saw you or not.

Leave it alone, and move on. Hopefully your fears will be ungrounded and maybe she did not see you and if she did, just lay it up as an not a big deal. Like you were just out there doing your own thing.

Hopefully. I will say, I am ashamed of myself and that certainly won't happen again. I really hope she did not see me, and if something does come of it... I won't let on anything happened. It would be a weird way though.. I drove into a parking lot across and sat in my car looking at hers until I saw people on the balcony which looked like they were looking at me. I drove by on my way out and couldn't tell if it was her or not.

I know that it is something that freaked you out, and embarrassed you but believe me I think your worrying over nothing. She was probably so focused on her own things and dinner and whatever else she was doing. She probably did not even see you, if it was even her in the first place.

Just learn from this mistake and do your best not to let it happen again.

Yeah I know, but I don't want it to get around that I'm a "stalker" cause I'm not. I just think maybe it was bumping into her she would realize she still missed me or something... kind of pathetic to say. I hope maybe I am overdoing this, just a concern,

I do not believe you're a stalker... You see a stalker would have no remorse, a stalker does not believe he/she is doing something wrong, a stalker can be violent and dangerous and tries to seek out somebody at all times.

Your remorseful, your embarrassed, your confessing, your feeling like a dumb @ss. So please calm down and remember that okay. There are big differences.

I'm still freaking out. I'm just so ashamed

Ok, good news. I had to go get gas for my car, legitimately. Had to pass that restaurant to get there. It was her Mom using her car, they just so happened to be standing out at her car talking as I passed by. Thank god... however, we met online and I see she is online looking for someone else... this bothers me. No idea why since I am doing the same thing.

Told you had nothing to worry about. You do understand the ex thing and the no contact thing. You need to some time to be single do not jump head first into another relationship.

It might bother you but she is your ex. You need to stop meeting online , etc...

Good luck with everything...

Yeah I know the NC thing works. It worked with my ex ex, but I can't seem to stop checking her Facebook or her profile on this site... It's dumb and only setting me back but I can't seem to overcome the feeling to do it.

You need to erase all the contacts, email addresses, Facebook , etc...

I have, I can still see her Facebook even though she's not my "friend" and I can't delete her from the site

You can block people on Facebook so you can't see anything they write on others pages and you can't see their page at all.

I know but it still doesn't keep me from unblocking her and seeing her

Okay you got to stop because it is becoming obsessive. SELF CONTROL.

I know but it still doesnt keep me from unblocking her and seeing her

Thought you were over doing DUMB things :rolleyes:

C'mon Buddy we can't do it for you , how long do you want to stay feeling like cr*p.

Least amount of time as possible, self-control isn't my strong point. Lol

Well maybe that is something you need to learn and over come.

You crossed the line, and I'm not so sure you did it accidentally by happening upon her car, and waiting to see where she was. Why did you do that in the first place.

If she did see you, that would creep her out.

Before you go any further with keeping 'tabs' on her, think about the consequences.

At this stage of the game you should be able to accept that the relationship is over. That means not looking for her, watching her, checking Facebook, etc. It is over.

If you don't garner some self control and step up and do the right thing here in leaving her alone, you are asking for trouble.

BWK10, you want advice? Don't rush into relationsips so fast. As I was reading your "novel" I had to check the date of the dang thing because I was so shocked that you both were so invested into each other so quickly. Only 3.5 months?

You are 21, you are VERY young, and you have so much growing and maturing to do as you go through your life.

Enjoy your single life and find yourself. Figure out what you truly want in life. Don't let relationships define who you are..

Try not to put so much pressure on meeting the perfect person. Those things usually come when you're least expecting it.

Is this the same girl that you tried to "bump" into when you saw her car?

Yes

Yeah I know, but I don't want it to get around that I'm a "stalker" cause I'm not. I just think maybe it was bumping into her she would realize she still missed me or something....kind of pathetic to say. I hope maybe I am overdoing this, just a concern,





Show me a person who hasn't done something dumb and I'll stand on my head and sing... "Yellow Submarine"... Let it go and move on. You sound like a nice guy. Don't bother her anymore. There's another girl you'll meet someday... :D

Your threads have been merged so as not to confuse us, so keep all your posts about the same subject here and just post updates and give input to the advice and questions you receive. No need for new threads about the same thing.

Sorry guy, but you have so many open threads that jump from the old girl, to the new girl, that merging all your threads becomes even more confusing. You sure don't need a new girl in your life, before you heal from the first one, so before you start yet another thread, why not just read the stickies (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) at the front of this forum, so you can learn to stop playing games with your own mind.

Ugh. I get so pissed off, she wrote me a message tonight on that website saying "Stop lying about your height"... I'm 5'9" and listed myself as 5"10"... my drivers license even lists me at that. No idea why this pisses me off.

Ugh. I get so pissed off, she wrote me a message tonight on that website saying "Stop lying about your height"...I'm 5'9" and listed myself as 5"10"...my drivers license even lists me at that. No idea why this pisses me off.

Leave her alone... she doesn't want you. Find someone else...

I have left her alone, she messaged me... lol. I told her to get lost the last day I saw her.

I have left her alone, she messaged me...lol. I told her to get lost the last day I saw her.




Block her number. Block her from FaceBook... that should take care of the problem.

I did. I've blocked her from everything... the only thing I couldn't block her from was this site until someone messages you, you cant. Fixed that problem with this short reply...

"I guess you never understood the big fat "leave me alone"

I did. I've blocked her from everything...the only thing I couldnt block her from was this site until someone messages you, you cant. Fixed that problem with this short reply...

"I guess you never understood the big fat "leave me alone"

Stick with it.

No idea why such a dumb comment pisses me off so easily.

No idea why such a dumb comment pisses me off so easily.





Just let it go.

No idea why such a dumb comment pisses me off so easily.

Because you let it :rolleyes:


Seriously who cares what she has to say.

Because you let it :rolleyes:


Seriously who cares what she has to say.






Grow up and get a life that doesn't include her. You'll be a lot happier!:)

Just wanted to let everybody know things are going okay. I don't know if you guys ever wonder, but.. since I last wrote I told you about the messages she had been sending me. I hadn't been able to fight the urge to write her a letter... I felt as if I needed that closure. I know you guys will be a tad bit upset, cause I know NC is important... but I also thought it was important to tell her how I felt one last time, especially at breakfast the one morning I didn't get everything off my chest... cause you don't think of the things you should have said until its too late. And with the constant angry texts I was receiving, I had to write this. I want to share this letter with you all, so you can understand how tough but strong I was to write this to her.

"I felt as if I needed to write you one last time. I hope one day, you'll be able to understand why I have had to cut you out of my life for the present You said the day after we broke up that we did need time apart, for both of us. It hasn't been the longest of time, but significant enough to process everything. You were the one who wanted the split, so I am unsure as to why you have so much anger and frustration towards me. I hope you really take time to reflect, and realize... I did nothing to hurt you, purposely. You can think that I did, but I know that I never did anything to hurt you. I loved you, and cared deeply about you, and apart of me always will love you. I would have anything I had to in order to fix our “problems” which I was unaware existed as you didn't care to talk to me about them.

I'm proud to say that I met you, and that I fell head over heels in love with you. I have no regrets in the time you and I spent together. The evening you left me, was hard. It was one of the hardest things I have been through it just felt like you slipped through my fingers and you were gone. We had fun together, we laughed together ( a lot I might add), and I'm happy to say that you were mine for that short period. We had our problems, but I stuck beside you through all of them when lots of guys would have left you in the dusk. I wish you could have done the same for me.

I'm unaware of why a few numbers on POF would upset you enough to send me a message. I'm sorry if you have that much hatred towards me to try and bring me down. I'm not scared to hear what you have to say, rather I would rather not hear what you have to say. I'm more than sure it's nothing positive, so why would I take your ? You're a better person than that Katherine, don't stoop to that level. I don't want you mention you in the same breath as someone else. I know you at your best, and your best is way better than that. You had your chance that morning that we went to breakfast to say what you wanted to say.

Just leave things as they are now. Let everything go, your frustration and anger. It's best for both of us, especially for you. If you want to get together and talk, I'd be more than willing too... especially after the time apart it wouldn't be as hard to do. But, if you have anything you want to “get off your chest”, invite me somewhere and say it to my face rather through an email or text message, otherwise just go back to your life and forget about me. Take some time, and consider if this is even worth responding too.

I hope you take this letter to heart, it's not trying to make you feel guilty or upset and I want you to realize that. I did love you, and we did have good times together and I'll always miss you, and I'll always love you... whether you want to believe that or not, it's your choice. I'll always be here if you need anything, or just want to talk. You know where I live, and your always welcomed here... we would never turn you away. You have my phone number too. I hope everything is going good for you and the family, hoping the big G is getting better. Hopefully your trip out to the doctors went well and your healthy and in good shape.

Miss You, and Best Wishes."

I left it at that, haven't contacted her since and she hasn't replied nor sent me anything else hateful.

How sweet of you.

You should have wrote it, then burned it.

Not sure what you are looking for by doing that.

"If you want to get together and talk, I'd be more than willing too..."

That isn't NC buddy.

I know, but she seemed liked she wanted to talk. I know, bull excuse to write what I did. I don't know, I don't know what the is wrong with me.

Just stop. You are still letting thoughts of her drive your actions. "seemed like she wanted to talk..."

Remove the madness. Once & for all.

Your thread was entitled "good or bad idea"

Use your gut from now on. (ie: does it feel good or bad)

Here's something that Ive been thinking about lately:

They say experience is all about the mistakes we've made...

Everyone makes them. Some learn.

Im waiting for the day when I can truly forgive.
Closer to enlightenment.

Just stop. You are still letting thoughts of her drive your actions. "seemed like she wanted to talk..."

Remove the madness. Once & for all.

Your thread was entitled "good or bad idea"

Use your gut from now on. (ie: does it feel good or bad)

Heres something that Ive been thinking about lately:

They say experience is all about the mistakes weve made...

Everyone makes them. Some learn.

Im waiting for the day when I can truly forgive.
Closer to enlightenment.






He's heading right back down the same path.. I hope he realizes she's using him again...

Yes, a path that will end. Take the next road. That unknown one.

BW, It sounds like the dust hasn't really settled yet.
True realization.

But for your own good. Realize that this girl is history.
What you had is history.

No longer a need to devote time to.

Its easy to block her with media. You supposedly did that & were proud. It's a different thing to start to block her emotionally.

That's what you got to work on. Time is on your side.

This all doesn't feel good, Does it?

Well...

All I know is that when someone doesn't want or care about me, there's no reason to want or care about them.

That's true. And I think I've made decent progression. I'm glad to read you guys are proud of me... but it's just the emotional strain I am working on now. It's difficult, cause I do miss her... and time will change that.

Yup, Time & effort.

Start enjoying yourself.

Yup, Time & effort.

Start enjoying yourself.

Life is short... enjoy while you can. I'm proud of you and you will keep getting stronger... Kit

Thought Id come on here and post, having a rough few days here. I have been COMPLETE NC for 5 days now, I finally stopped going on that website scratching for information. However, I have no desire to find any out... but she has been in my head for the past few days. I have tried to keep busy, went out of town to a major city and everything I saw reminded me of her. Pretty crappy trip for that reason.

Are you socially isolated from real people?

What?

Being busy is one thing, having friends and activities to look forward to is another. Do you have that, or are you "just staying busy"?

Why didn't you enjoy being in another city, besides the constant reminders of her?

You have 5 days down. Great.
Now go for 50.

After that, go for 500.

In the meantime, enjoy your life.

You have 5 days down. Great.
Now go for 50.

After that, go for 500.

In the meantime, enjoy your life.

Talaniman made a good point. Are you interacting with other people?

To an extent, I don't necessarily have the many most of friends, very few to be quite honest. I always always someone who enjoyed his alone time... but wanted to spend more if it with someone (case in point getting involved with two girls in the past year). That grew, and ever since a few weeks ago I've pretty much went back to keeping with myself.

Maybe its time to get out of your comfort zone for what I understand to be the need for female companionship. Online dating which you have already done can be hit or miss but the thing is I think maybe you get to attached to fast, and have maybe made you gun shy of getting back into the dating scene.

Dating is for fun, as you get to know someone. Not a quick lonely fix. But part of a balanced social life.

Dating should also be a process, not a solution, as you give yourself time to see if this person could be mate material.

I never exclusively date until enough time has gone by and we know each other well. That stops those quick attachments that don't last, and for me 6 months is a good time to start thinking of dating exclusively.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Not only is it fun, but a great way to learn about yourself, and females. Like I said, part of a balanced social life full of people and activities you enjoy, to have something good to look forward too. Then you won't be looking back crying over yesterdays spilled milk.

Get back on line guy and try the next one have a date or two and keep meeting females. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find one who turns out to be the one for you so you may as well deal with rejection, and disappointment, in a practical way, and keep it moving.

Thanks. But I think it's time for me just to stay single for awhile. I have taken myself off that website for good, and even blocked it since I know my ex is using it as well. I need to get myself back to who I use to be, happy. I never fixed my broken heart before getting involved with the last one.

My own fault, but I don't regret it. It's time to clean myself up, get back into decent shape before I can even think of committing myself to someone else, it wouldn't be fair.

Thanks. But I think it's time for me just to stay single for awhile. I have taken myself off that website for good, and even blocked it since I know my ex is using it as well. I need to get myself back to who I use to be, happy. I never fixed my broken heart before getting involved with the last one.

My own fault, but I don't regret it. It's time to clean myself up, get back into decent shape before I can even think of committing myself to someone else, it wouldn't be fair.




Hope you do what we have advised!:)

"I never fixed my broken heart before getting involved with the last one."

See? Just have fun for now...

My own fault, but I don't regret it. It's time to clean myself up, get back into decent shape before I can even think of committing myself to someone else, it wouldn't be fair.
That's my point, it doesn't take a commitment to someone to be happy and enjoy yourself.

Thats my point, it doesn't take a commitment to someone to be happy and enjoy yourself.




You have to work on liking yourself

Just thought Id throw you guys an update. I was doing good, until I got some information about her, which caused me to go sniffing around curiously, as to why... I have no idea. However, it has given me quite a sense of "relief". I cannot explain why I feel this way, but I always need some sense of closure to a relationship. I'm not too entirely sure why, but I feel better in talking to her for the ten minutes I did the other night.

I was angry at myself for breaking NC, but forgave myself. We all make that mistake, and I realize it wasn't the best thing for me to do but in essence I really feel better about my situation. I just wanted to let you guys know I am doing good, and working on changing my life for the better, and tomorrow will be a big day in that. Hope everyone is doing good.

Just thought Id throw you guys an update. I was doing good, until I got some information about her, which caused me to go sniffing around curiously, as to why...I have no idea. However, it has given me quite a sense of "relief". I cannot explain why I feel this way, but I always need some sense of closure to a relationship. I'm not too entirely sure why, but I feel better in talking to her for the ten minutes I did the other night.

I was angry at myself for breaking NC, but forgave myself. We all make that mistake, and I realize it wasn't the best thing for me to do but in essence I really feel better about my situation. I just wanted to let you guys know I am doing good, and working on changing my life for the better, and tomorrow will be a big day in that. Hope everyone is doing good.



Hope you're doing well also.

I have been coming on this website, regularly, perhaps even a daily basis for the past year. I've read some tragic things, emotional things and happy stories on here. It's amazing to see such a minimal percentage of the world going through some of the same situations, and how people here take the time to help one another out. I just wanted to take some time and thank everyone once again for even taking the time to help myself, and others out with everything.

For anyone that has read my stories, and saw the heart break in my words and those who understand the pain of losing someone you care about, it can be absolutely devastating. But anybody going through something like what I went through, look for me for inspiration in your quest to get better. I have always hoped someone would read my story, and get inspired with how I copped with the situation, how I dealt with it, and hopefully people would learn from my mistakes.

It's a long and difficult process to overcome. I was raised by my mother, by herself since the age of 12. My parents split when I was young and have come accustomed to people who I care about leaving me. That's something I still struggle with today, that's why letting people get close to you is hard. If you read my previous posts, I let two individuals get really close to me... and the situation occurred, they both left me. I know it's hard to get back up from those things... I've lost countless people in my life who I feel were important cornerstones in my life. My father (Whom I haven't spoken too in almost 8 years), friends, and ex girlfriends. The feeling becomes all too regular, but I pick myself back up every time. Just remember, anyone who has left your life has made you who you are today.

I learned things about myself, who I am as a person through all the disappointments in my life. You need to take lessons from EVERYTHING that happens in your life. I believe you meet everybody for a reason, no matter their influence on your life whether it be for a few minutes, a few years, or the rest of your life. I never learned anything specific from my parents divorce, it wasn't my fault, I never contributed to it's demise. I think that's why my mother and I are so close. Everyone we both get close to, ends up leaving us... but we have each other. I came to accept my parents splitting up, it made me have a "rock" inside... something that couldn't be broken easily.

I met my first love (first post on here) last year. It's the first real serious relationship I have ever had, it was fantastic but good things always come to an end. I finally accepted it a few months later that it was over, until I met my next girlfriend. I learned after my first relationship when I met her, that there are other fish in the sea... good ones at that. Although things haven't worked with her either and she resents me for god knows why. I learned a lot about myself in the past year.

I guess the message I am trying to convey to everyone on here, is that never give up on happiness. I'm not sure why I had the urge to write everything that I just wrote but I want people to understand life is a journey, and for every journey there is a lesson to be learned. Some lessons, bigger than others... the important thing is to learn from not only your mistakes, but mistakes of others. Take into consideration, everything you read on here... positive and negative and learn from it. I urge you, read my story if you haven't. Look at the mistakes I made, dumb things Ive done. If only they could help one person I'd feel like I have made a difference in someone's life.

It just hit me, WHY DO I CARE? I Don't ANYMORE!!

It just hit me, WHY DO I CARE? I DONT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good for you! I'm applauding! Proud of you.:D

I just, I don't know what the hell happened. I was just sitting here, and it just really hit me flat in the face. I just had a huge smile on my face... and just, I don't care anymore. I'm not sure what came over me

I just, I don't know what the hell happened. I was just sitting here, and it just really hit me flat in the face. I just had a huge smile on my face...and just, I don't care anymore. I'm not sure what came over me





You're free that's what it is. No more blues! :D

I've been keeping a "digital" journal for the past week, and wanted to share some logs with you guys. Its really helpful and hopefully inspire others to do so as well. Names have been changed.

July 1st, 2010

I thought writing a journal, to express how I feel and my attitude and being able to look back in months and maybe even years to see what I was going through, how I copped with it and fixed my emotional roller coaster I am on. It's hard to believe two people can affect and influence your life so much that it still breaks your heart to think about it. It's not only Katherine, but Samantha as well. Although I no longer love Samantha, I still care about her and she slips into my mind from time to time. I wonder how she is, how she's feelings, how Ryder is and how her family is doing. I felt very close to everyone, it was almost like a second family. Finding and meeting Katherine eased that pain, I never really thought all too much about Samantha after I met Katherine. It was like she was there to help me, she didn't care about what happened between Samantha and I. I fell in love with Katherine pretty quickly too. She was amazing, so caring and wanting to spend time with me. Things changed, and that's what we are at now. There is nothing I can do to change how either or them feel. I wouldn't take Samantha back, especially with her second child on the way with a different father. That would be too much responsibility to bare on someone else. I wish her all the best, and I will never forget her. She was the first person I had ever fell in love with and had sex with.

Katherine is another story, although I am not too sure what happened or what went wrong. There is nothing I can change with that either. I reached out to her not once, but twice and got rejected. I know it's time to move on, but the thought of her with someone other than myself isn't the worst thing in the world, rather an “inconvenience” to me. I wish her all the best, just like I wanted Samantha to be happy whether it was with or without me. I hope Katherine regrets her decision in due time, cause I would have given her the world and would have done everything to make things work with her. I'm still deeply hurt, distraught, angry, upset, disappointed and broken hearted. I'm hoping, once I re-read this entry... in a few months or whenever it may be I'll be able to say I am happy with my life. I won't ever forget Katherine, great person just doesn't know what she wants. Maybe I need to find someone without strings attached, no children and not overwhelmed extra curricular things.

July 6th, 2010

I ing hate you, for all the grief you have caused me in 5 weeks. My heart still aches, I think about you everyday when I wake up, and when I go to sleep. I wonder what your doing, who your seeing, how you are. I still shed no tears for you, as you are not worth it. Albeit, I have stopped myself from crying many times, I don't think I can shed anymore tears for you, I haven't cried since the day you left me. I'm quite proud of myself for that. I hope you couldn't eat, or sleep, and you still think about how you potentially could have ruined something that could have been so special, for years to come. I hope your mother doesn't still control you, or tell you where you can go, who you can see. For all I know, she told you to break it off with me. What a shame. It was a relief to go down and throw away everything you had ever give to me. I threw it all out, it's gone... I've tried to erase you from my entire life, although the memories will always be there. I still sometimes wonder what you have done with the card you gave me for my birthday on which I gave back to you that night. It's amazing, something as small as a card I cared about so deeply. I don't think I could have thrown that out, so it was better off with you. Someday, you will realize whether it be months of years from now how we could have had something so meaningful, deep, a connection. I would never have cheated on you, hit you, beat you, abused you like others have. Hard as it is to say, I hope someday you feel as pathetic, useless, angry and feel as much pain as I do right now.

July 8th, 2010

I don't know what had come over me the other day, but I finally just let go and I feel so much better. I no longer care for you Katherine, you're either your own or somebody else's problem now, I could careless honestly! It was an amazing feeling, I was sitting here the other night and it just hit me, why should I care about someone who was more of a burden on my life. In essence, we had our good times together but more bad then good. Your constant lies, it was ing pathetic. I no longer care. The day was great, work was fantastic had loads of laughs with my best friend and I just had a smile on my face all day and barely gave you a thought it my brain. Although their will be a special part in my heart for you, you no longer have it all... and that's your loss, not mine. Tomorrow I start my new job, and I'm excited for a busy day!

I've been keeping a "digital" journal for the past week, and wanted to share some logs with you guys. Its really helpful and hopefully inspire others to do so as well. Names have been changed.

July 1st, 2010

I thought writing a journal, to express how I feel and my attitude and being able to look back in months and maybe even years to see what I was going through, how I copped with it and fixed my emotional roller coaster I am on. It's hard to believe two people can affect and influence your life so much that it still breaks your heart to think about it. It's not only Katherine, but Samantha as well. Although I no longer love Samantha, I still care about her and she slips into my mind from time to time. I wonder how she is, how shes feelings, how Ryder is and how her family is doing. I felt very close to everyone, it was almost like a second family. Finding and meeting Katherine eased that pain, I never really thought all too much about Samantha after I met Katherine. It was like she was there to help me, she didn't care about what happened between Samantha and I. I fell in love with Katherine pretty quickly too. She was amazing, so caring and wanting to spend time with me. Things changed, and that's what we are at now. There is nothing I can do to change how either or them feel. I wouldn't take Samantha back, especially with her second child on the way with a different father. That would be too much responsibility to bare on someone else. I wish her all the best, and I will never forget her. She was the first person I had ever fell in love with and had sex with.

Katherine is another story, although I am not too sure what happened or what went wrong. There is nothing I can change with that either. I reached out to her not once, but twice and got rejected. I know it's time to move on, but the thought of her with someone other than myself isn't the worst thing in the world, rather an “inconvenience” to me. I wish her all the best, just like I wanted Samantha to be happy whether it was with or without me. I hope Katherine regrets her decision in due time, cause I would have given her the world and would have done everything to make things work with her. I'm still deeply hurt, distraught, angry, upset, disappointed and broken hearted. I'm hoping, once I re-read this entry...in a few months or whenever it may be I'll be able to say I am happy with my life. I won't ever forget Katherine, great person just doesn't know what she wants. Maybe I need to find someone without strings attached, no children and not overwhelmed extra curricular things.

July 6th, 2010

I ing hate you, for all the grief you have caused me in 5 weeks. My heart still aches, I think about you everyday when I wake up, and when I go to sleep. I wonder what your doing, who your seeing, how you are. I still shed no tears for you, as you are not worth it. Albeit, I have stopped myself from crying many times, I don't think I can shed anymore tears for you, I haven't cried since the day you left me. I'm quite proud of myself for that. I hope you couldn't eat, or sleep, and you still think about how you potentially could have ruined something that could have been so special, for years to come. I hope your mother doesn't still control you, or tell you where you can go, who you can see. For all I know, she told you to break it off with me. What a shame. It was a relief to go down and throw away everything you had ever give to me. I threw it all out, it's gone...I've tried to erase you from my entire life, although the memories will always be there. I still sometimes wonder what you have done with the card you gave me for my birthday on which I gave back to you that night. It's amazing, something as small as a card I cared about so deeply. I don't think I could have thrown that out, so it was better off with you. Someday, you will realize whether it be months of years from now how we could have had something so meaningful, deep, a connection. I would never have cheated on you, hit you, beat you, abused you like others have. Hard as it is to say, I hope someday you feel as pathetic, useless, angry and feel as much pain as I do right now.

July 8th, 2010

I don't know what had come over me the other day, but I finally just let go and I feel so much better. I no longer care for you Katherine, you're either your own or somebody else's problem now, I could careless honestly! It was an amazing feeling, I was sitting here the other night and it just hit me, why should I care about someone who was more of a burden on my life. In essence, we had our good times together but more bad then good. Your constant lies, it was ing pathetic. I no longer care. The day was great, work was fantastic had loads of laughs with my best friend and I just had a smile on my face all day and barely gave you a thought it my brain. Although their will be a special part in my heart for you, you no longer have it all....and that's your loss, not mine. Tomorrow I start my new job, and I'm excited for a busy day!

Good Luck and have a good day. You did good.:)

Good luck with your new job.

Keep us posted. I hope we've helped. Hugs

July 12th, 2010

It's been quite a hectic weekend, working the new job and my other one accounted for a lot of busy time. Not that I didn't mind. It kept my mind pretty busy and off other things. The new job is pretty good, everyone is very easy going and it's been quite a good experience to finally try something else in the work field. It's been quite tiring, working seven days a week is a lot to handle but something I need to do in order to earn that extra money I really need. Today was a good day until I saw a new picture of Katherine on POF. She's still beautiful, but she still looks heart broken and unhappy. Her fake smile looked petty at most, I can tell she isn't happy still. It was kind of a downer, seeing how beautiful she still is, and how I wish I could still hold her and call her mine. I'm not holding out hope, but I think a piece of me will always miss her. Keeping busy has been nice though, it's kept my mind elsewhere mostly. I do hope she is okay and not suffering anymore, I'm not suffering as bad anymore, I'm really happy with how things are going. I'm excited to finally finish my tattoo on Friday... and no, I won't be coloring in that single cherry blossom for you Katherine that I promised I would, just for you.

July 12th, 2010

It's been quite a hectic weekend, working the new job and my other one accounted for a lot of busy time. Not that I didn't mind. It kept my mind pretty busy and off of other things. The new job is pretty good, everyone is very easy going and it's been quite a good experience to finally try something else in the work field. It's been quite tiring, working seven days a week is a lot to handle but something I need to do in order to earn that extra money I really need. Today was a good day until I saw a new picture of Katherine on POF. She's still beautiful, but she still looks heart broken and unhappy. Her fake smile looked petty at most, I can tell she isn't happy still. It was kind of a downer, seeing how beautiful she still is, and how I wish I could still hold her and call her mine. I'm not holding out hope, but I think a piece of me will always miss her. Keeping busy has been nice though, it's kept my mind elsewhere mostly. I do hope she is okay and not suffering anymore, I'm not suffering as bad anymore, I'm really happy with how things are going. I'm excited to finally finish my tattoo on Friday...and no, I won't be coloring in that single cherry blossom for you Katherine that I promised I would, just for you.

Good for you. Keep it up:)

July 14th, 2010

Just taking a drive around town tonight, I passed Katherine driving the opposite way. Not sure if you even saw me, but I hope you did. I hope your heartaches, I hope you miss me, I hope you realized you just didn't pass me on the road... but you passed someone who would have treated you right and taken care of you through everything. I hope your heart raced, I hope you go home and cry yourself to sleep. As for me, I passed you and a huge smile on my face cruising down the road with my shades on, my music blaring and not a care in the world! Happy as can be! Ink'd tomorrow!

Just remember I am sharing my personal "digital journal" as I call it... to vent my feelings, not only that but hopefully someone one of these days will stumble upon my thread and read everything I have written and it can help them with their own situation.






July 21st, 2010

It's been awhile since I took the time to write in here. I wanted to last nigh, but everything never came to me until I lay awake in bed till 2 AM, thinking. My brain is definitely my worst enemy, it gets the better of me every time. I don't know how to stop my negative thinking patterns. I had been doing good for the past couple weeks, I started to become happy. My life was going good, I started taking care of myself, cleaning up my personal appearance and trying to become a better person. This all came crashing down. I quit my new job after two weeks because I didn't feel comfortable there. It's not that I didn't try, or get along with people... it just didn't feel right. Worst of all, I can't stop thinking about Katherine and that still brings me down. I lay awake, wondering what I did wrong... what I could have done to save our relationship from this miserable thing you call love. I know everyone I tell says “You didn't do anything wrong”. How do you even justify saying that? You don't have any idea what transpired between the two of us, nor do I even know what I did wrong and I want answers. I'm not intending on trying to figure out what they are either. Did she just fall out of love with me, did I say something wrong? I'm not going to torture myself by wondering or thinking as to why. That's not what's keeping me up at night, rather just missing her. Her touch, her smell, her love. I miss it, and I want that feeling once again.

Stop saying what if or why didn't I? She's moved on and I don't want to add more pain, but she doesn't care. I'm so sorry... Kit

I know she doesn't care, that's fine.

There really isn't anything else to say beside STOP IT. Put a sock in the guilt trip and focus on moving on. You can do it. You've done it before, just keep trying to stay on the right track.

A broken heart needs time, but the healing won't start until you block her from you face book.