I'm seeing this guy who is older then me. I'm 17 and he's 27, the age gap doesn't really bother me but I think it bothers him. On a few occasions he has said that he can't do it anymore, but then changes his mind and says he wants me and wants to make it work. My family don't know about him yet, because I don't want to tell them in case they don't like it. Also don't want to tell them in case we don't work out and we break up a few weeks later. I'm not sure what to do about it, I do like him and he says he likes me. I just need sum advice on what to do about it and stuff

What does a 27 year old man see in a high school girl?

If you're having sex with him, this could be illegal (depends on your state).

Why can't you date guys your own age?

Personally, I think your parents would be quite upset if they found out.

Advice on what to do? Leave the man alone. I know that you're probably feeling special that a man likes you, but xbabycakesxx, leave this man alone. I can't imagine why he would be looking for a high school girl.

I agree with the above, what does a 27 year old man see in a 17 year old? How much do you want to bet he's looking for sex? There is a HUGE maturity difference between a 17 year old girl and an almost 30 year old man. Not only is there a big probability that it is illegal, but it's also disgusting. It's unfortunate that you may have to be the mature one, and step up to the plate here and call it off. But I wouldn't hesitate to put a stop to it, this guy is probably just in it for sex.

Hun, I'm 17 and I too like older guys. But I would not date a guy ten years older than me. I mean that's just really gross. He's probably looking to soon start a family. Do you want to be a mommy at 17, because I know I don't. Be smart, hun. End it.

When you are 27 and he is 37 it is not that big of issue,

Let me see, he would look pretty going to the senior prom, Do people ask if he is your dad when you go with him to your high school football games?

He is in my opinion a pediphile and is just sick.

When you are 25 and he's 35, it won't matter. But now it does. I understand his discomfort and you should break it off. Wait a few years until you are in college and see if he's still interested.

Well, there are already a few red flags.

You don't want to tell your family, he isn't sure about the age gap or the relationship... not a good start I would have thought.

Ten years is a lot at your age. His needs, expectations and life experience would be very different to yours, I would imagine.

It doesn't sound like a comfortable fit, with both of you feeling uncertain.

Definitely a pedifile, even if he is 35 , and your 25, I don't think its right. When he is 80, and your 70, that is abit better, because I can understand a lot of women his age might be passing away by then and he might have to go younger. Lol

Definately a pedifile, even if he is 35 , and your 25, i dont think its right. When he is 80, and your 70, that is abit better, because I can understand alot of women his age might be passing away by then and he might have to go younger. lol

Huh? Did you read that HE is the one uncomfortable with the relationship? Was there any mention of sexual activity? A 17 yer old is just about physically mature at this point. Pedophiles generally go for children who's bodies are prepubescent or in the developmental stage. Please be careful tossing around terms like that. If you are going to use such terms learn what they mean and how to spell them.

I don't think he's just wiv me for sex though, because we've done it like once and didn't do it straight away. So if he was just interested in sex he wudnt still be wiv me now

I agree with most of the other posters to say that this relationship really cannot go anywhere, as Fr Chuck put it how would he look going to your senior prom??

Time to move on this can't possibly go anywhere. The fact that a man has had sex with a girl, and that is what you two are defined as, at all is not right. Depending on where you live it is not only not right but not legal.

There are obvious reasons you may be ignoring for why you are not telling your family. Think about it... if this was all fine in your head you wouldn't be on here asking if it was OK, and you would have told your family without fear.

Best of Luck.

Now you've had sex. This is illegal, and is pretty much considered rape. It doesn't matter if it only happened once, this is just sick. There is NO other reason someone his age would be with someone your age BUT for SEX... STAY AWAY before you end up hurt, or in court.

Its not illegal. I'm 17 I liv in the uk. Its legal for me to ave sex

Still doesn't matter. This guy is a creep. Any guy who says he doesn't want to have sex, is a liar.

A PEDIPHILE Is a adult who likes children, where it isn't accepted by his current society!
A 27yr old dating a 17yr is not accepted!
PEDIPHILE!
Cases like this, the girl willll just be younger next time. And they did have sex. Stick to your computer parts.

Like I said you need to do some research. If you spell it correctly you may find some facts. The general definition of a pedophile is an adult attracted to YOUNG children. Seventeen is not a young child. Pedophiles are generally attracted to prepubescent children or those entering puberty. The man described by the OP does NOT fit the profile of a pedophile. And that they had sex was not revealed until after your post and my response.

I agree that a 27-17 relationship is not acceptable in western society. And I agree the OP should not continue this relationship. But to brand the man as a pedophile based on what has been posted here is irresponsible.

Does not have to be a YOUNG child, but just a child!
Perhaps you like little children? Not sure why you are sticking up for this pediphile. I find it just plain weird.
As to what has been posted here, he is very much a pediphile in my eyes, they have had sex! Her parents don't know about him! WHy? Because they both know its WRONG


Chuck agrees he is a pediphile as well, maybe bark up his tree as well.

Pedophilia - paedophilia, or pædophilia (see spelling differences), is the paraphilia of being sexually attracted primarily or exclusively to pre-pubescent children. Persons with this attraction are called pedophiles.. .
www.statemaster.com/encyclopedia/Pedophile (http://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.statemaster.com/encyclopedia/Pedophile&ei=I-eGS_-nJ4XilAfxh8Eg&sa=X&oi=define&ct=&cd=1&ved=0CBUQpAMoBQ&usg=AFQjCNEKTmvIUepirjF6iNMcSgzhM3DQJg)

Pedophilia - Sexual attraction to a child; clinically, a person sixteen years of age or older who is at least five years older than the child.. .
www.reasoned.org/glossary.htm (http://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.reasoned.org/glossary.htm&ei=I-eGS_-nJ4XilAfxh8Eg&sa=X&oi=define&ct=&cd=1&ved=0CBkQpAMoCQ&usg=AFQjCNH-jnQr0eHSo23P8eipSom4SO0i0A)

Pedophilia (or paedophilia) is a psychological disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder) in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children
Pedophilia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia)

Pedophile: an adult who is sexually attracted to young children.
Pedophile | Define Pedophile at Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pedophile)




And finally:
Pedophile Definition Parents Against Pedophiles (http://parentsagainstpedophiles.com/?page_id=6)
Which describes characteristics of a pedophile that do NOT fit the OP here.

Your personal attacks against me are out of line. I have not attacked you, just your branding of this person without enough data to go on. Chuck was different in stating that it was his "opinion". You have declared it as a fact when there is not enough evidence to do so. You have also used the comment feature incorrectly. I did not give you a negative comment, yet you chose to give me one without data to back it up. I've given you enough links to back up what I said. Any further personal attacks will be dealt with.

Mine was my opinion as I did not know the disagree button meant it had to be a FACT! I just learned this today. Also 16 yrs of age, and 5 years older , so 17 and ten yrs older is OK, because she is one year older! I don't think so. And I really don't care who made up the word pediphile and gave the meaning for it, because a 27yr and a 17yr is sick and disgusting! There is no word in the dictionary that can describe how wrong it is. Also the meaning of the word pediphile is very OPINIONATED anyway, the person who wrote that defination, that is his opinion on a pediphile status! There is no AGE limit you must hit before you are clear status from a pediphile! The AGE limit is what is ACCEPTED by SOCIETY!! And 27 and 17 yr is not accepted clearly by the majority of society!
{personal attack removed-<>} I am done arguing with you

"In law enforcement, the term "pedophile" is loosely used without formal definition to describe those convicted of child sexual abuse or the sexual abuse of a minor, including both prepubescent children and pubescent or post-pubescent adolescents"
pedophile

Noun: an adult who is sexually attracted to children [syn: {paedophile}]
To me she is a child, but maybe this will mmake you happy! He is a Ephebophile, go Google that

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

The definition I cited said the perpertrator has to be over 16 and five years older. Which means they are talking an 11 year old as the victim. Yes, many legal definitions define a pedophile as an adult having sex with a minor. BUT, in most areas the age of consent is 16. Therefore, yet again, it shows pedophilia defined as sex with a younger child. And since, most of the world does give the age of consent at 16 then that would seem to be somewhat accepted by society. I do agree that the definitions vary. But most mental health professionals define it as I did.

I do agree with you that most of WESTERN society would not support a 27-17 relationship. And there is good reason for that. Please not, I have not, in any way supported the OP's relationship. I told her right off the bat that she should cut it off. The issue, between you and I is that you emphatically branded the 27 yr old as a pedophile without enough evidence to to support it. Again that is irresponsible.

I don't know why you are so adamant on this subject. I've provided sufficient proof (notice I provided links for the quotes I made, you did not) that supports my position as at least equal, if not better, than yours. So I get it you think such an age gap is disgusting. If you would check my stand on this issue, I have never supported relationships between an adult and a minor. So your attacks on me are not valid. I stand behind my position that there is not enough in this thread to brand the 27 a pedophile.

Wilkipedia! Is where I found the information about the police!
And I didn't provide links because I am not so ademant about this subject.
There isn't enough proof he is a pedophile? How so? She admits they had sex, not one person here approves of the relations. There fore society isn't accepting this outrageous age difference!
I think that is proof enough! To me a pedophile and a ephebophile are the same thing.
The age of consent is not 16 is every country,state, province so therefore it is a very thin boundary!
Which leads me to believe that the acceptance from the society you live in REALLY matters.
{personal attacks again removed-last warning-<>}

1) Yes it is a personal attack when you hint that I am a pedophile just because I don't agree there is enough evidence to brand this person a pedophile.
2) Wikipedia also defined it as young children. If you are going to quote someone else, you need attribute those quotes. Otherwise how can they be verified?
3) Not approving of the relationship has nothing to do with being a pedophile. Having sex ONE time does not make him a pedophile. Having sex with a 17 yr old does not guarantee he's a pedophile (Note you branded him without even knowing whether they had sex). We know nothing about this person except what the OP told is. And the OP said he's not entirely comfortable with the relationship. The profile of a pedophile is someone who doesn't believe its wrong to have sex with a child.
4) We get the fact that this gap disgusts you. You're right that nobody here (including me) approves of this relationship. But there is still no justification for branding someone you know almost nothing about with such a serious accusation.

Either way! For the OP: This relationship is DISGUSTING, whether the guys is a pedophile or not. He is almost 30, and you are just a couple years over 15... Think about it, hun. With your HEAD, not your heart. There's a reason why your parents don't know, and why he has a problem with it. It's just like I said earlier. A guy who says he's not interested in sex, is lying. And having sex with this guy one time, is more than enough. I highly doubt you want to go up to your future spouse and tell them that you had sex with a 27 year old when you were 17... It's just plain WRONG. Definitions aside, I think we all agree on that.

There is a lot of bad information in this thread and most of it does not pertain to the facts.

The facts are that she doesn't tell her family. Not a good sign.

The facts are HE is uncomfortable and she wants to continue it.

The fact is she is 17 not 7. He doesn't like kids and shouldn't be branded as such.

This relationship is not one I would approve of, but it isn't illegal in many states in the US nor apparently in the UK where the poster is from.

So at the end of all this you have one person uncomfortable with the situation (that being the male who most of you are wrongly accusing as the evil child predator) and the other one is a the girl who is the one who is trying to continue this but in silence by her own choosing.

The reality is it is not a good relationship. A relationship means you have to both be comfortable, you both have to be open with one another and with others. A relationship means you both have to want it. It's best to let it go because it's not going to work.

Love is what you show, not what you have to hide. If it were 'right' you would be telling the world, and enjoying every moment of the relationship, but you're not. The age difference has also made this important part, isolating and subject to remarks that, in my opinion, are justified. Many of us think what would happen if my 17 year old were dating a 27 year old, and because of the age difference, we would naturally feel protective, and most of us would discourage it. That should tell you something.

The next three years of your life are something that your b/f cannot share in, and I suspect he'd feel quite awkward as someone said, attending your high school graduation. Or a family barbque at your home with your friends- and him, or a family outing to a water park, or pretty much anything. It just doesn't fit, and he doesn't fit, and I think he knows it.

He is not a predator, and if you are more mature than the average 17 year old, you would see that he has very legitimate reasons for doubting the relationship. I think it is safe to say that should you end it, it would strengthen his resolve to end it as well, because it is the right thing to do.

Even five years from now, when you have your diploma, and you start living an independent life going to college, or working, buying your first car, etc. are all exciting and necessary steps to be strong in your own right, calling your own shots, and making mature decisions, that are age appropriate.

Don't cut yourself short by being in a relationship that will hold you both back. Enjoy all that age 17 has to offer, without being in a relationship that needs to be hidden for many reasons.

Give it some serious thought, and try to see that it isn't so much the age difference that is holding you back, but that you are so far apart in maturity and life experience.

How can you enjoy one another and have fun when you are afraid (rightfully so) about how your parents will see this 27 year old with their 17 year old daughter?

If you have to hide it from those who care about you the most, then it can't be right. Something else caught my attention that I think is very telling also,


also don't want to tell them in case we don't work out and we break up a few weeks later.

You are not in this for anything else but the momentary thrill, and satisfying the feelings of the moment. Not unusual with young people such as yourself, but at least see the trouble he may be in from not only your parents, but any adult who may want to report him.

Feels good now, but I think he knows your jail bait. Since you have already done the deed, he can still answer for it. Even with the age of consent, adults can still make him pay. Do you care enough to do the right thing, and keep him from this sort of trouble?

Chuff- I agree with most of your post, but I can't imagine why you would disagree with what I said about this man wanting to have sex, and being a liar if he were to say otherwise.

I did not say that he was in it just for the sex, but sexual attraction, and desire for sexual intimacy is human nature at her age, and at his.

For this question, I asked my fiancé for some help, since he is a 22 year old guy, and he said that any guy who says "I don't want sex" is a liar.
On top of that, I talked with the police about teenager/adult relationships, and I was told that "The only reason a 27 year old would be interested in a 17 year old is for the sex." Since I'm in the US, they also said, that if the man was found to have had sex with this girl he would've gone to jail and been labeled a sex offender. Which makes sense.

By disagreeing with what I said, you are basically saying that this 27 year old man, does not want sex, period... This makes no sense, especially considering he has already had sex with a 17 year old girl. (keep in mind, I did not say that he was in it just for the sex, I said that if he told this girl that he did not want sex, he's a liar. The situation, and the general rule of people this age would also agree with this statement.)

I'm not trying to change your mind, but I believe, considering the people I have talked to about such situations, that my previous post was completely correct. Just some thoughts.

Hi xbabycakesxx

This situation bothers you more than you think, otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question.

I'm also in the uk and yes the legal age is 16, that doesn't make it right though.

Just think about it for a moment, he has 10 years on you, that's 10 years of experience of life, you are just starting and have lots of things to experience for yourself.

You say he likes you and you him but what happened to loving somebody before you sleep with them, this usually comes after getting to know that special person.

Ok you will have lots of boyfriends in between, but hopefully they will be around your own age or maybe just a few years difference,that way you will both be able to go to clubs etc.. Enjoy things together, grow together and not be worried about taking them home to meet your parents.

They will most definitely stop this relationship, and they will be right in doing so, I think you already know this.

If I were you I would try very hard to just keep this person as a friend, despite what he is telling you, your just his play thing.

The fact that he says it has to stop, is enough to tell me that he knows it is wrong.

Please look out for yourself, we are only trying to help you on this board.

He is far to old for you, it will never work, despite what he says.

Seems we feel so strongly we argue with each other, and the OP is NEGLECTED, and goes without the benefit of what should be wisdom, and experience

I agree must be a touchy subject! Lol A lot of arguing! Its quite evident, that beyond what the defination is, is a very THIN line and obviously lots of people are unaccepting it and think its gross.

I think you have to be a parent to understand. Its never about what the law says when its your own child you are going to protect.

That's why we have rules of the house and its hell to pay when they are broken.

Parents don't care how good it feels to you, and don't give a rats patoot about the law, when our children are doing wrong under our own roof.

Chuff- I agree with most of your post, but I can't imagine why you would disagree with what I said about this man wanting to have sex, and being a liar if he were to say otherwise.

I did not say that he was in it just for the sex, but sexual attraction, and desire for sexual intimacy is human nature at her age, and at his.

For this question, I asked my fiance for some help, since he is a 22 year old guy, and he said that any guy who says "I don't want sex" is a liar.
On top of that, I talked with the police about teenager/adult relationships, and I was told that "The only reason a 27 year old would be interested in a 17 year old is for the sex." Since I'm in the US, they also said, that if the man was found to have had sex with this girl he would've gone to jail and been labeled a sex offender. Which makes sense.

By disagreeing with what I said, you are basically saying that this 27 year old man, does not want sex, period...This makes no sense, especially considering he has already had sex with a 17 year old girl. (keep in mind, I did not say that he was in it just for the sex, I said that if he told this girl that he did not want sex, he's a liar. The situation, and the general rule of people this age would also agree with this statement.)

I'm not trying to change your mind, but I believe, considering the people I have talked to about such situations, that my previous post was completely correct. Just some thoughts.

I'm going to address this and then close this thread because its no longer about the OP. The vast majority of couples consider sexual intimacy to be an integral part of a relationship. I think we can all agree that it is a rare person (male or female) that does not have sexual urges and want sexual intimacy with their partner. But such people DO exist.

The problem here is we don't know what the OP's boyfriend said. We only know what she said he said. Maybe he didn't say "I don't want sex" but rather, "I can wait until you are older for sex". And this is my problem with a lot of the people posting here. We just don't have enough evidence to start throwing around labels like pedophile, liar, etc.

I don't support a relationship with an age gap like this one, there are many problems for such a couple. But in 5 years a gap of 10 years would not raise as many eyebrows. If you take it out 10 years, 27-37 wouldn't rate an objection. In my opinion it is irresponsible to throw around labels like that.

Thread closed