This thread has been edited for a clearer understanding


Hi.. am a married woman of 23.. I got married when I was 19... my marriage was all in a hurry and very chaotic.. my brother in law made my life a hell.. my present husband used to be nothing more than a friend at hat time.. the fact that he is from a different religion sparked a fury.. but I failed to make them understand that I was not in any kind of relationship with him.. he was just helping me out with my college admission.. my brother in law had been unusually interested in me since I was in 10.. which was hard for me to accept.. he used to call me at his home for teaching biology when my sis was not at home and all.. he is a doctor by profession.. I used to become uncomfortable in his presence.he tried to hug me kiss me... I was mentally disturbed and shattered but couldn't tell anyone fearing no one will believe me.. and now he got an excuse to rule and dominate me when he came to know about him(my present husband).. he blew things out of proportion and used to take me to his home and lock me up.. beat me.. torture me mentally and physically.. my sister never interfered.my parents are old and week.. I was so exhausted shattered depressed that I decided to runaway from that house.. my husband said as he is the cause of problem he will take me away and marry me.. I was then too mentally weak I used to have tears and the slightest of things.. I got married but was too young and unprepared to accept that am married... still hadn't come out of the storm.. in all this there is this man ,married whom I had known since 11.. had met him once then.. a very decent man.. after that used to talk to him through sms.. while going through all that trauma had lost contact with him.. after marriage I used to be very depressed lonely and used to get irritated and frightened at the slightest touch which made my husband upset too.. had no one to share things wth.. no friends family.. then I got in touch with him again and still I am.. our relationship unknowingly grew stronger and stronger.. he never tried to become physical.. with each other we used to be in seventh heaven.. talk talk laugh laugh... but then I started to realize what I feel for him when he said he is out with his wife.. or can't text because he is with his wife... I used to get pangs of jealousy and frustration.. though he had been clear that he can't leave his family.. because that's his responsibility.. still my feelings haven't changed... its not that my husband beats me or ill treats me.. he has been helpful cooperative understanding loving... but I hardly knew him when I got married to him.. mayb for 2 months... now with this person we never had an argument about commitment leaving the family getting married.. a times yes.. but it got subdued time and again.. today I am working.. left my home and in states now with husband.. but still he has not severed any contact as I had expected.. couple of mails everyday.. I try to mail him less but he gets all upset.. can't understand what it is like.. we have become a part and parcel for each others lives... all I know is that there is something like"cant imagine leaving each other thing"in between us.. now that am working I remain busy.. I think maybe this will help.. but I think our relationship is at a much higher level than"lets ignore"thing... I just want to know what you guys think

This is not a text message, use proper spelling and grammar, you might get some answers. Moderators shouldn't have to proof and edit your posts, I can't belieive they even do such thing, I would never.

Honestly? I can't really understand your post...

But, I can give you an opinion based upon your question title.

If a man/woman is dating/engaged/married/or otherwise "connected," he/she is not available. Period.

He is married. He is not available to you. You are married. Until you are no longer married, you should not look to anyone else for any kind of relationship. Period.

A bit difficult to understand,but from what I can make out... your married but having a relationship with another man.

Well, it seems you have created this whole situation yourself, making excuses as to why it has happened.

It's happened because you let it, you must put an end to it, for the sake of your husband who you say is a good man.

In brief... your married, end of relationship or divorce your husband and move on with this other guy.

You can't have it both ways.You need to do some soul searching and make a decision one way or another.

If you not happy in your marriage maybe you should just move on and get out but move on from this married mans marriage too! It could end up hurting his family and you will end up getting hurt too because he is not going to leave his family!

Of course your in love with the one human that's decent and you can talk to. We all need that, especially after all you have been through, so I do understand.

It doesn't sound like this has gone beyond talking and texting, so as long as you stay within the boundaries of good behavior, and realize that's as far as it can ever go is friends, and confidants then your going to be fine. Hope he realizes that also.

But what disturbing is you need help with your traumatizing experience, and need to build an understanding with your husband so you can both do what needs to be done about your future and his. Yes you do need help, and I sincerely hope you get it.

I don't think anybody can truly heal from what you have been through, without the right help, and support.

But I am impressed with your strength and hope for the best for you. With the right help, you can have a different, and better perspective of life, that can serve you well moving forward.