Caledor
Feb 22, 2010, 04:27 PM
I have been dating this girl for over 6 months, she has always been somewhat physically distant. She will only hold my hand every once in a while, we hug each other every time we say goodbye, but she has never let me kiss her. The first time I tried she turned and I got her cheek, and the second time she quickly put her head on my shoulder to avoid it, so I haven't really tried since then. I just figured she was extremely shy about this kind of stuff, so I have tried to take it slow with her.
I was hurt very badly in the past by an ex-girlfriend, so I never brought up the topic of my feelings because I knew I couldn't handle any sort of emotional rejection. She never brought this up either so I figured it was something she felt uncomfortable talking about also.
Ever since the beginning she has always been slow to return my calls, like 1-2 days a lot of the time. She lives an hour and half way, she is almost always busy with work, ice skating or her church stuff. When she did call me it was usually after she got off work and before she was skating or doing something else. I couldn't really talk because I was still at my job, so I would tell her to call me back later at night when we would both be free to talk, and she would about half of the time. This was something that really frustrated me because I would always return her calls or texts as soon as I could.
It was also somewhat difficult to do things together because of the distance. I changed my work schedule so I would be able to see her every Saturday. Because of the difficulty getting a hold of her on the phone, and only having the one day when we could do things together, we would only see each other 2-3 times a month. Most of the time we would have a great time whenever we did see each other and we would spend the whole day together, but other times times if I wanted to see her I would have to do whatever she had already planned for that day. Most of the time it would be to go ice skating with her, which usually meant we would skate together most of the time, or she would try and teach me how to do some skating trick, but there was a lot of time where she would be practicing her figure skating or talking with her friends.
I was willing to live with these issues because I am in love with her, and I can tell by the way she looks at me and talks to me that she has feelings for me. For her birthday a few months ago I bought her a necklace that she really liked, and I got her a sweater for Christmas that she also seemed to really like. I thought with these gestures, the fact that we hugged each other all the time and that I at least kissed her on the cheek she knew that I was very interested in her. I would also always tell her I really enjoyed being able to spend time with her, which was probably as far as I was willing to go talking about my feelings.
At the end of our date in the last week of January I asked her if she would come to my parents house and meet my family on the next weekend. All the other times I have either gone to her, or we met somewhere between us. She seemed really excited to go. When she did come my family all enjoyed meeting her, and she said that she had a great time spending the day with them. Right before she left I tried to ask her to do something on the next weekend, which was Valentines, but she said she had to do something with her grandmother. I thought this was odd, but I didn't question it. We said we would call each other during the week, which we did.
I bought her some chocolates an a card for Valentines that I was planning on giving her the next time I saw her. The week after Valentines she was harder to get a hold of than usual. She didn't call me back until Friday, and it was while I was at work, so once again I told her to call me later that night when we could talk. She never did. So on Saturday morning I gave her a call, but she was already on her way to skating practice, and she was going to a show with some friends afterwards. She told me that she was out late with some friends on Friday, so that's why she wasn't able to call me back. We were only able to talk for a few minutes so I asked her to call me when she was done with her show, obviously we wouldn't be able to see each other that day. She did call me and we had a great conversation, at the end I asked her if I could come and see her on Sunday and go to church with her since it had been two weeks since we had seen each other, and we missed Valentines. She was kind of reluctant, but she agreed and we set a time to meet. We talked for a little bit more and everything seemed fine.
Late that night she sends me an e-mail and a text telling me to check my e-mail before I come over the next day. I was asleep when she sent this, so I didn't see it until the next morning. This was the first time she sent me an e-mail, since we normally just talk on the phone, and sometimes text. The e-mail was also sent at 11pm which was way later than she usually stays up. In the e-mail she told me that she thought I was a wonderful guy, and enjoyed spending time with me, but I needed to know that she just considered me a friend.
So after reading the e-mail that morning I tried to call her, but she didn't answer the phone. So I sent her an e-mail telling her that I was insulted and appalled by her decision to tell me this in an e-mail, and that I could tell by her actions over the past two weeks and the fact that the e-mail was sent so late that she was seeing someone else, who was probably going to be at her church, and she was just trying to minimize her embarrassment when I showed up. I also said that she was selfish, unreliable, and she was a horrible person for continuing to lead me on while she was no longer interested. Then I told her I never wanted her to call or e-mail me again.
In the past I did have a girlfriend actually start seeing someone else while still was still seeing me, and I just let her get away with it when I found out. That issue was something that bothered me for years, so I put all my frustration with that old girlfriend into this e-mail.
Half an hour later she sends me an e-mail saying that she didn't mean to hurt me, but since we never talked about our feelings she thought we were just friends. She said she wasn't seeing anyone else, and she was sorry for not telling me this in person. She also said she would do as I asked and not contact me again.
I do believe she was being honest about not dating anyone else. I think that meeting my family, the whole Valentines thing, and knowing that I probably wanted some sort of commitment really scared her, and this was just how she was dealing with it.
I still love her and she is the only girl I've dated that has a lot of the same interests as me and that I really enjoyed being with.
I want to somehow let her know that I am open to talking to her again, and that we really do need to talk about our feelings, but I don't want to scare her off. I know that I should wait for her to contact me again, but I am afraid that she really might do what I asked and never talk to me again.
I was hurt very badly in the past by an ex-girlfriend, so I never brought up the topic of my feelings because I knew I couldn't handle any sort of emotional rejection. She never brought this up either so I figured it was something she felt uncomfortable talking about also.
Ever since the beginning she has always been slow to return my calls, like 1-2 days a lot of the time. She lives an hour and half way, she is almost always busy with work, ice skating or her church stuff. When she did call me it was usually after she got off work and before she was skating or doing something else. I couldn't really talk because I was still at my job, so I would tell her to call me back later at night when we would both be free to talk, and she would about half of the time. This was something that really frustrated me because I would always return her calls or texts as soon as I could.
It was also somewhat difficult to do things together because of the distance. I changed my work schedule so I would be able to see her every Saturday. Because of the difficulty getting a hold of her on the phone, and only having the one day when we could do things together, we would only see each other 2-3 times a month. Most of the time we would have a great time whenever we did see each other and we would spend the whole day together, but other times times if I wanted to see her I would have to do whatever she had already planned for that day. Most of the time it would be to go ice skating with her, which usually meant we would skate together most of the time, or she would try and teach me how to do some skating trick, but there was a lot of time where she would be practicing her figure skating or talking with her friends.
I was willing to live with these issues because I am in love with her, and I can tell by the way she looks at me and talks to me that she has feelings for me. For her birthday a few months ago I bought her a necklace that she really liked, and I got her a sweater for Christmas that she also seemed to really like. I thought with these gestures, the fact that we hugged each other all the time and that I at least kissed her on the cheek she knew that I was very interested in her. I would also always tell her I really enjoyed being able to spend time with her, which was probably as far as I was willing to go talking about my feelings.
At the end of our date in the last week of January I asked her if she would come to my parents house and meet my family on the next weekend. All the other times I have either gone to her, or we met somewhere between us. She seemed really excited to go. When she did come my family all enjoyed meeting her, and she said that she had a great time spending the day with them. Right before she left I tried to ask her to do something on the next weekend, which was Valentines, but she said she had to do something with her grandmother. I thought this was odd, but I didn't question it. We said we would call each other during the week, which we did.
I bought her some chocolates an a card for Valentines that I was planning on giving her the next time I saw her. The week after Valentines she was harder to get a hold of than usual. She didn't call me back until Friday, and it was while I was at work, so once again I told her to call me later that night when we could talk. She never did. So on Saturday morning I gave her a call, but she was already on her way to skating practice, and she was going to a show with some friends afterwards. She told me that she was out late with some friends on Friday, so that's why she wasn't able to call me back. We were only able to talk for a few minutes so I asked her to call me when she was done with her show, obviously we wouldn't be able to see each other that day. She did call me and we had a great conversation, at the end I asked her if I could come and see her on Sunday and go to church with her since it had been two weeks since we had seen each other, and we missed Valentines. She was kind of reluctant, but she agreed and we set a time to meet. We talked for a little bit more and everything seemed fine.
Late that night she sends me an e-mail and a text telling me to check my e-mail before I come over the next day. I was asleep when she sent this, so I didn't see it until the next morning. This was the first time she sent me an e-mail, since we normally just talk on the phone, and sometimes text. The e-mail was also sent at 11pm which was way later than she usually stays up. In the e-mail she told me that she thought I was a wonderful guy, and enjoyed spending time with me, but I needed to know that she just considered me a friend.
So after reading the e-mail that morning I tried to call her, but she didn't answer the phone. So I sent her an e-mail telling her that I was insulted and appalled by her decision to tell me this in an e-mail, and that I could tell by her actions over the past two weeks and the fact that the e-mail was sent so late that she was seeing someone else, who was probably going to be at her church, and she was just trying to minimize her embarrassment when I showed up. I also said that she was selfish, unreliable, and she was a horrible person for continuing to lead me on while she was no longer interested. Then I told her I never wanted her to call or e-mail me again.
In the past I did have a girlfriend actually start seeing someone else while still was still seeing me, and I just let her get away with it when I found out. That issue was something that bothered me for years, so I put all my frustration with that old girlfriend into this e-mail.
Half an hour later she sends me an e-mail saying that she didn't mean to hurt me, but since we never talked about our feelings she thought we were just friends. She said she wasn't seeing anyone else, and she was sorry for not telling me this in person. She also said she would do as I asked and not contact me again.
I do believe she was being honest about not dating anyone else. I think that meeting my family, the whole Valentines thing, and knowing that I probably wanted some sort of commitment really scared her, and this was just how she was dealing with it.
I still love her and she is the only girl I've dated that has a lot of the same interests as me and that I really enjoyed being with.
I want to somehow let her know that I am open to talking to her again, and that we really do need to talk about our feelings, but I don't want to scare her off. I know that I should wait for her to contact me again, but I am afraid that she really might do what I asked and never talk to me again.