I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday morning, after over a year of being together. My mother's advice: Play the field, date around. She advised me to start immediately, the result of which, movie with a friend yesterday that turned into more and tonight I was going to go on a date with another guy, however my dad refused to allow me. She says it will give me confidence to date around 5 or so different boys and/or girls and will take my mind off the break up.

My best friend is saying that it will damage me further and it's moving much too fast. She is appalled that my mother would suggest immediately dating around.

I see valid points in both arguments. I am unsure of if my mum is right or wrong.

You need to get out and find a life without the ex. Don't try to make a relationship right now, your pain is too fresh.

I wouldn't say you need to "date," but to get out there and have some fun.

So go out and have fun, but leave out the search?

Yes, and perhaps "date" and leave out the more till latter

Do what FEELS right, it doesn't matter what advice someone gives you if you know its wrong for you.

Do you want to start dating other people? (knowing that nothing serious can come of it, because you are not healed yet)

I think you should find a healthy median between being social and outgoing, and still healing.

If dating helps you heal, by all means just head first into it. But there is a possibility your just using these people as a distraction and diversion from your own unhappiness, and would you want that done to yourself.

If you don't mind me asking, Why did you guys break up?

You know, it really depends on the person, but realize that these people will be nothing more than fill-ins and rebounds until a new "serious" thing comes along. I personally believe that it would do you some good to wait on the dating scene and just hang out with friends as friends and nothing else. Your emotions at this point are too confused. I think you should sort out some of your feeling about being scared to be alone before you jump right back in to it. You said yourself in your other thread that you stayed with Cody more because you didn''t want to be alone, not necessarily because you wanted to be with HIM.
My advise, Just stay single for a while. You need to feel comfortable thinking about yourself as an individual, not just someone's girlfriend. Because that's not all you are, and that shouldn't be all you want to be. You need to know your identity without a relationship attached before you can really start to understand a relationship. That's what I think.

Yes go out have fun, date. Not 4 or 5 or whatever the number your mother says but just enjoy yourself and socialize with others.

Leave out the search...

Joe

Do what FEELS right, it doesn't matter what advice someone gives you if you know its wrong for you.

Do you want to start dating other people? (knowing that nothing serious can come of it, because you are not healed yet)

I think you should find a healthy median between being social and outgoing, and still healing.

If dating helps you heal, by all means just head first into it. But there is a possiblility your just using these people as a distraction and diversion from your own unhappiness, and would you want that done to yourself.

If you don't mind me asking, Why did you guys break up?

We were both unhappy, many problems, potentially him cheating, his feelings for another girl, a pregnancy that was wrongfully ended, and too many stressful aspects to my life for him to handle

My I am confused. I'm getting opposite answers here. Can more of you explain your reasoning? Like Ohso, Ohso you are making ohso-good points, sorry had to make a pun!

We were both unhappy, many problems, potentially him cheating, his feelings for another girl, a pregnancy that was wrongfully ended, and too many stressful aspects to my life for him to handle


I wouldn't continue a search in that aspect because even though you are available in the sense your not in a relationship, You are emotionally unavaliable for anyone else at the moment.

Go out, have fun, be social. Don't be a hermit and shut yourself out from new experiences, and if you find yourself healing, and wanting a new relationship. Take It Slow. Make sure you are ready.

Like stated previously, You need to learn, accept and be happy with yourself before you can move on to a SUCCESSFUL relationship with soemone else.

My I am confused. I'm getting opposite answers here. Can more of you explain your reasoning? Like Ohso, Ohso you are making ohso-good points, sorry had to make a pun!

I've made the pun too. No worries. :)

There's a difference between dating for fun and dating for prospective new relationships. If you feel like you want to date, date for fun, so as not to get too serious with an individual before you're ready. Have fun knowing that it's not going to lead somewhere and BE SAFE!!. Here's a good way to keep perspective on your own behavior and what you think is acceptable: If you think it's trashy when other people do it, you probably won't think much of yourself if you decide to do it. So just keep that in mind should you choose to date for fun. And remember, your identity is how you view yourself, not how you see yourself with a partner.

Dating around for the fun of it, beats sitting at home alone, worrying about an ex. Yes you have to heal properly, but setting boundaries for yourself, and sticking to them, will allow you to keep things real, and not be searching for the next big thing in your life. Sticking to your own boundaries will also keep you on the safe side of "something more", that could be confusing later.

I think your mom has a point, just don't get carried away with the idea of having fun, and stepping over your own lines of good behavior.

Then you can enjoy good clean fun, as you heal. And make new friends.

I've made the pun too. No worries. :)

There's a difference between dating for fun and dating for prospective new relationships. If you feel like you want to date, date for fun, so as not to get too serious with an individual before you're ready. Have fun knowing that it's not going to lead somewhere and BE SAFE!!. Here's a good way to keep perspective on your own behavior and what you think is acceptable: If you think it's trashy when other people do it, you probably won't think much of yourself if you decide to do it. So just keep that in mind should you choose to date for fun. And remember, your identity is how you view yourself, not how you see yourself with a partner.

I want to just have fun, but I do have a feeling I will let it become more than just for fun because of my psychological need for companionship

Dating around for the fun of it, beats sitting at home alone, worrying about an ex. Yes you have to heal properly, but setting boundaries for yourself, and sticking to them, will allow you to keep things real, and not be searching for the next big thing in your life. Sticking to your own boundaries will also keep you on the safe side of "something more", that could be confusing later.

I think your mom has a point, just don't get carried away with the idea of having fun, and stepping over your own lines of good behavior.

Then you can enjoy good clean fun, as you heal. And make new friends.

What exactly do you mean by boundries? Similar to what Ohso said maybe?

what exactly do you mean by boundries? Similar to what Ohso said maybe?

Yep, as in not letting yourself look for a prospective if you know you're just trying to fill a gap. And knowing how far to take it woith someone either physically or socially.

Why do you have to date at all?

Why can't you just go out, have fun and make new friends.

Not every guy has to be seen as a perspective boyfriend... or even as a date.
I have lots of male friends, which are nothing more than that. We have a great time, we laugh, we cry and there's no pressure involved.

When I say date, its as friends, with no expectations of nothing but fun. Hanging out, and doing what young people do without emotional attachments, other than as friends. Of course one needs to stay balanced in their approach to life, and have hobbies, and activities they enjoy also, and schooling has to be considered.

There are a wide range of things to do to keep busy besides running around looking for a relationship, especially during the healing process.

Boundaries are nothing but rules of conduct you set for yourself, to protect your broken heart, and generally do the right thing to stay out of difficult situations. Honesty with yourself, makes it easier to be honest with others, when abiding those rules, and being able to say NO, to anything that may not be right for you.

Shaz, the majority of my friends are male.

I have a date this weekend, I am excited for it. Not because it may lead to something more, but because it is a confidence boost to know that someone other than an x, Cody in particular, has an interest in me. Perhaps this is the reason my mum advised me to "date around"

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.

That's why its great to be single, Having fun getting to know people, and having all kinds of options, and opportunities.

Sometime we forget that when we get "hooked up" to just one person. I think that's exactly what your mom was hoping you to experience.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.

Thats why its great to be single, Having fun getting to know people, and having all kinds of options, and opportunities.

Sometime we forget that when we get "hooked up" to just one person. I think thats exactly what your mom was hoping you to experience.

That actually does sound appealing

Mix dating in with a few classes, and some hobbies, you have the makings of a great life. There are few things to make you happy with yourself other than having a great life.

Do you have any idea how attractive that is to others? I do, they won't be able to resist you. (and that means even more options and opportunities to explore.)

Use this knowledge, and the power it brings wisely. Being happy with yourself and your life, gives you something good to share with DESERVING people.

Thanks Talaniman

I'm just not keen on the whole "rebound relationships" thing.
It's not very fair on the guy In my opinion.
Hence why I suggested just finding new friends.

Emop, you were so hung up on Cody last week saying that you would never leave him etc etc, I just don't think dating is a good idea right now.. yeah sure, your heart bounces back but I personally like a little time to heal after a break-up.
That's just me though, everyone else seems to think differently, maybe I'm just weird.

I see where your mum is coming from but I guess the 'gaining confidence from dating 5 or more different guys/girls' worries me.

If taken too literally it can mean that you are looking to other people to make sure you are 'ok'. Which I think is a no-go. Gives far too many people too much power over you. Trust me. Its hard to break that cycle!

HOWEVER, if its more just so you gain confidence through your new experiences with other people, your heightened sense of achievement in social settings and through your experiences. Then I say that is AWESOME!

like a few others have said -BOUNDARIES! BOUNDARIES! BOUNDARIES!!! Sorry, I just can't emphasise that enough! Take my advice (someone who still doesn't set up enough boundaries at 23). They are so important for keeping you mentally, emotionally and physically safe. You need to be able to weed out the people that do not respect your boundaries RIGHT AWAY.

Be mindful of what they are, PARTICULARLY now. Because going through a break up of any kind can knock our self esteem and make us more vulnerable, less likely to enforce our boundaries and more likely to allow people to cross them and damage us more.

I agree also with going out doing new hobbies and just generally having a life! HEALTHY people will be attracted to that and admire you for it. Anyone that condones it is unhealthy for you!

If 'date' is just having fun with people without attraction (not necessarily, sometimes of course there will be attraction!) and without attachment then that sounds fun and you are making me jealous! And I also need to get my butt out to do that!

also, I noticed you said about the pregnancy... I don't know if you have issues with that... but maybe if you do talking to someone professionally may help? I just don't want you to harbour any feelings and smother them with 'fun' only to have them later rear their heads =S

My mum is now pushing me to date a 22 year old. I don't know how to tell her no.

My mum is now pushing me to date a 22 year old. I don't know how to tell her no.

YOU: Mom, it's my decision and I'm not ready to see anyone yet, especially someone 5 years older than me.

MOM: But it's good for you

YOU: It is MY decision and I am NOT ready. I will date in my own time.

My mum is now pushing me to date a 22 year old. I don't know how to tell her no.

Yeah I'd just tell her to back off. That's what I say to my mom if she takes it too far. So anyway, just tell her that you're not interested and that you'd appreciate it if she left it to you.

She knows I've had feelings for him for quite a while now. I told her to back off, she now has my dad pushing for it too

She knows I've had feelings for him for quite a while now. I told her to back off, she now has my dad pushing for it too

Then just walk away next time she starts to talk about it. And I really wouldn't take much word from your father if I were you.. .

Then just walk away next time she starts to talk about it. And I really wouldn't take much word from your father if I were you. . .

He's been good lately

He's been good lately

Lately doesn't often follow with "he's kept it up" Lately is a very temporary word. Think about it. Hopefully I'm wrong in this instance, but I have a feeling that there's bee other times where he's been "good lately" and it didn't last like you had hoped. I'm not saying don't appreciate it, but be cautious.

On the other hand, Explain more about this guy. You're still young, so 22 MIGHT be a little old for you, but how do you know him and what draws you to him? (I'm not encouraging you to date him this soon, I'm just curious)

lately doesn't often follow with "he's kept it up" Lately is a very temporary word. Think about it. Hopefully I'm wrong in this instance, but I have a feeling that there's bee other times where he's been "good lately" and it didn't last like you had hoped. I'm not saying don't appreciate it, but be cautious.

On the other hand, Explain more about this guy. You're still young, so 22 MIGHT be a little old for you, but how do you know him and what draws you to him? (I'm not encouraging you to date him this soon, I'm just curious)

I met him at school, I was a freshman and he was a senior. We were good friends back then. Still are. He went through a lot of similar things as I have growing up. He isn't 22 yet, but will be this month. I've dated older. What draws me to him is how sweet and kind he is (in all scenarios, don't forget, I've known him for years and have seen him react to nearly everything). He treats me like a princess in ways, but still as an equal. He is so much like me in what we like, dislike, care about, aspirations. My family loves him, he came over today and we played with my little brother after we watched a movie. The list is so long! I could go on for hours. The only negative thing is... He's in the army.

She knows I've had feelings for him for quite a while now. I told her to back off, she now has my dad pushing for it too

I don't know if I would trust a Mom and Pop dating service, especially if they were REALLY your Mom and Pop.

Is there a chance of your and the ex getting back together? If so, I wouldn't date at all yet. If not, then there is nothing wrong with going out and having some clean fun. It does a body good to feel attractive to people other than the one who you've been dating.

The most important thing is to be happy. You are young, you deserve to have a happy life. We all do at your age. When you get older, thrills have a tendency to taper off. They get absorbed by careers, mortgages, and especially child rearing. Now is the time for you to enjoy yourself. Even though I think that it is a bit strange for your mother to be fixing you up with guys, I feel that it's best that you don't just jump back into a relationship right now. Enjoy your freedom while you can. I got married, for the first, and hopefully only time, when I was 36. And boy did I have fun! I have no regrets at all. Well... nothing major.

I have been married for 10 years(almost 11) to a wonderful lady, who is a magnificent mother to our two sons.

So, you go enjoy your youth. But just be careful.

I wish you the best.

I don't know if I would trust a Mom and Pop dating service, especially if they were REALLY your Mom and Pop.

Is there a chance of your and the ex getting back together? If so, I wouldn't date at all yet. If not, then there is nothing wrong with going out and having some clean fun. It does a body good to feel attractive to people other than the one who you've been dating.

The most important thing is to be happy. You are young, you deserve to have a happy life. We all do at your age. When you get older, thrills have a tendency to taper off. They get absorbed by careers, mortgages, and especially child rearing. Now is the time for you to enjoy yourself. Even though I think that it is a bit strange for your mother to be fixing you up with guys, I feel that it's best that you don't just jump back into a relationship right now. Enjoy your freedom while you can. I got married, for the first, and hopefully only time, when I was 36. And boy did I have fun! I have no regrets at all. Well.... nothing major.

I have been married for 10 years(almost 11) to a wonderful lady, who is a magnificent mother to our two sons.

So, you go enjoy your youth. But just be careful.

I wish you the best.

There is no chance of me and my x boyfriend getting back together. And were there, I wouldn't take it. It was an unhealthy relationship.

And you see, it isn't that they are setting me up with Rory, they just are pushing for me to go out with him

There is no chance of me and my x boyfriend getting back together. and were there, I wouldn't take it. It was an unhealthy relationship.

Good for you chica! :)

Thanks Ohso

As for this other guy, he sounds really nice, BUT, you're still healing, and you're still a bit young.

When do you turn 18? I feel like once you are, it might be a little more acceptable. SO, should you ever want to date him, I think that would be more appropriate, and you'd have had more time to heal.

As for this other guy, he sounds really nice, BUT, you're still healing, and you're still a bit young.

When do you turn 18? I feel like once you are, it might be a little more acceptable. SO, should you ever want to date him, I think that would be more appropriate, and you'd have had more time to heal.

He said he knows I'm healing and doesn't want to rush, while hugging me and kissed my forehead. Sorry getting giddy now

I turn 18 in August

He said he knows I'm healing and doesn't want to rush, while hugging me and kissed my forehead. sorry getting giddy now

I turn 18 in august

YAY FOR HAPPINESS! That should give you plenty of time. If you can wait that long, I think you should, You'll be glad you did. :) There might be potential there.

He's making me wait anyway!

Haha, he keeps hugging me and saying "I'm sorry my friend. forgive me for not waning to rush"


I realized that since I ended it with Cody, I've felt happy. And spending time with Rory has given me an extra boost of happyness

He's making me wait anyway!

Haha, he keeps hugging me and saying "I'm sorry my friend. forgive me for not waning to rush"

GOOD GOOD GOOD. I like him. Now, we play the waiting game. I'm going to live vicariously through you and share your happiness. :) I wish you lived close to me girl, we could hang out and dop all the fun stuff us girls like to do. :)

GOOD GOOD GOOD. I like him. Now, we play the waiting game. I'm going to live vicariously through you and share your happiness. :) I wish you lived close to me girl, we could hang out and dop all the fun stuff us girls like to do. :)

What do girls do?

What do girls do?

They just have FUN! We talk, a LOT, hang out, TALK, listen to music, shop, TALK. Seriously, there's nothing like having a best-girl-friend. You connect in ways you can't with a guy. Girls usually just GET you, if you're really close. And you can be brutally honest at any time. Even if they hate you for a little while, they'll get over it, because they'll know that you have their back. They are your confidants and your protectors and your closest friends. Your best girl friend, friend girl, however you want to say it, is one of the most important people in your life. But even just having other girls to spend time with is a very fun and rewarding experience. We communicate in ways that many men refuse to. Hugs and cuddling included. When you have the down-in-the-dumps days, they're they're for you to picck you up and cry with you. If you ever find a friend like that, cherish that friendship.

They just have FUN! We talk, a LOT, hang out, TALK, listen to music, shop, TALK. Seriously, there's nothing like having a best-girl-friend. You connect in ways you can't with a guy. Girls usually just GET you, if you're really close. And you can be brutally honest at any time. Even if they hate you for a little while, they'll get over it, because they'll know that you have their back. They are your confidants and your protectors and your closest friends. Your best girl friend, friend girl, however you want to say it, is one of the most important people in your life. But even just having other girls to spend time with is a very fun and rewarding experience. We communicate in ways that many men refuse to. Hugs and cuddling included. When you have the down-in-the-dumps days, they're theyre for you to picck you up and cry with you. If you ever find a friend like that, cherish that friendship.

I don't relate to many girls...

I don't relate to many girls....

Have you ever really tried? Or just decide that?

Have you ever really tried? Or just decide that?

Yes I have tried, Many times.

Yes I have tried, Many times.

Hmmm, maybe you just haven't found the right friend. Just because it hasn't worked before doesn't mean that it never will. Think of it this way, your chances go up as you weed out the ones that fail.

Hmmm, maybe you just haven't found the right friend. Just because it hasn't worked before doens't mean that it never will. think of it this way, your chances go up as you weed out the ones that fail.

I have one good friend that is a girl. She is a "tomboy" as well. We both don't relate much to most girls

I have one good friend that is a girl. She is a "tomboy" as well. We both don't relate much to most girls

That's definitely something. :)

That's definitely something. :)

Indeed it is