I need advice on a situation, and wish to get guidance from someone who doesn't have a biased opinion.I'm nineteen and this year, and have ran into a situation I can't figure out on my own.
When I was twelve (yes, I know, very young), I fell in love with a boy, BF 1. We dated on and off, all throughout public school, but due to our age and maturity level, it never worked out. He moved away when I was 14, and we lost contact for about a year. I was 15, and he came back to town to visit, and we ended up starting a relationship. I was still in love with him, and although it was a long distance relationship, and we were very young, it worked for quite some time. When we broke up, I was devistated. We only broke up because we're both stubborn. We do fight a lot, but it's mostly just bickering.
Years passed and we both dated other people, but kept in contact for the most part.
I am currently dating BF 2, and we've been together for over two years now. I was never crazy about him the way I am with BF1, but I do love him very much. We have been through a lot together, but have had a lot of rough patches. We seem to not get along very well lately, but we work through it. He is very safe, unlike BF1, and I can see a good future with him. He goes to school and works hard.
Recently, BF1 has moved back to town, and wants to have a relationship. He's changed quite a bit, but we still get along and I am still in love with him, even though it's been eight years. I'm just not sure what I should do, and any advice would be great.
I know I'm rather young to be worried about a real future with a boy, but this is what I want from life, to settle down when I'm young.

If you're wondering who is Mr Right - BF1 or BF2, then you aren't ready to 'settle down' - whatever that means.

Seems to me you've actually never really experienced life without a BF and that's what bothers me here - you're trying to decide between 2 options - neither of which is quite right.

All I can say to you is listen to your uncertainty (not your desire to settle down). You don't want to settle for less than you deserve do you?

You have heaps of time to meet the person you feel right with, love and don't bicker with constantly. Don't restrict yourself to these two guys... the old BF or the new BF. There are more options out there - give yourself a chance.

Keeping the other guy as the backup plan (i.e. just in case it doesn't work out with the other one) is unfair treatment. Show more respect to both of them.

Figure out what you want before committing to someone. Don't lead both guys on by giving each of them false hope.

Maybe the real is answer is "neither" guys will work out.

Sounds like you need to stop having BF 1 as your backup plan because that will undermine your relationship with BF 2 and is not fair to either one of them.


We seem to not get along very well lately, but we work through it.

That's a plus, sounds like you both try to work at problems. Maybe you can work at putting the spark back in the relationship and focus on just the one guy.

Have you ever been single?
It seems you keep boyfriend two as your safetynet which isn't fair on him.

Bf one didn't work out the first time around so why go down that road again?

I suggest you try being single for a while and try to figure out who you are and where you are going in life.

I suggest you stay to yourself and remain single. You need to figure out what direction your heading too! You need to be honest with boyfriend 2, and work on you. Your way too confused! Jumping back and forth into a relationship isn't healthy.

When you are in doubt about making a choice between two potential mates, its clear that you really love neither, but have your own agenda that they can both fulfill.

The only correct course is to be honest with both of them, as by your own words, its not really love, but your desire to settle down at a young age.

In the long run, you better think of more than just your own agenda, but what your future partner thinks also.

Guy1, is clearly looking to try again, but think, not only are you committed to another, and cannot even consider his overture, any talking with him on your part is cheating because you already know his intentions.

Guy2, is cruising along not knowing of guy 1, so he is but a pawn of your very selfish motives, and has no clue as to what your doing behind his back, so this relationship has the potential to be tainted by dishonesty, cheating, lying, mistrust, and manipulations by you.

In the long run, your actions now will have profound effects on those around you, and that's not fair to any one.

You better give this decision some thought, but the best way is to not destroy those who's only crime is wanting to be with you, so start by being honest with them both.

Actually, I've been honest with both of them. BF2 knows about BF1 and our history, and BF1 knows I'm committed to someone else, he just thinks I'm making a mistake. We've been friends throughout the years,so he has not been a back-up plan, merely just a friend that I've been reconsidering.

Actually, I've been honest with both of them. BF2 knows about BF1 and our history, and BF1 knows I'm commited to someone else, he just thinks I'm making a mistake. We've been friends throughout the years,so he has not been a back-up plan, merely just a friend that I've been reconsidering.

What "mistake" does he think you are making.

Sounds like he still has feelings and you are causing a huge drama between you and these two guys.

So you like all this attention. But its so confusing. You need to be single until you can figure out your own feelings.