I am in a quandry.. my roommate who has lived with me for 2 years , well, I fell in love with... but he's a younger man, 20 years younger- he is still passionatly in love with me but I am being realistic that there is NO future for us, in another 20 years he will be 40 and I will be 60 and then what? I told him we have to stop and move on, I want to stay friends but.. seeing him everyday.. being near, sharing lives.. and living space.. how can you stop loving them?it changes everything between you and about your life when you allow a passion to start- and then you find you cannot return to "normal" . Nothing is looked at the same from your point of view now, even though it has dropped from lover to friend. There's too much personal stuff in the way , too much intimatcy you have shared with this person to over look, you can't just shove it away in a back pocket and pretend it never happened. Yet you NEED to start facing the day with a different outlook because you have stopped the relationship, The very smell of him makes me want to cry - he came to the bedroom last night and just laid on the covers, one arm around my waist as his head lay on my lap.. and he said so sadly.. I just love you..
I fear the future! I don't want to trap this young man to an old lady! I can't move out, I own the house.. if I kick him out it will seem like an act of cruelty.. I cannot do that to him, he's not done anything wrong to deserve to be hurt more - but omg.. I am having sleepless nights.,. I dream of him.. but my guilt is deep - and as I look into my mirror I see the lines and age - I can't fool myself that in 20 years this wrinkled old lady will be attractive to that younger man - how do I let him go?

I'm not saying you should kick him out,but it's your house so you should ask him to find somewhere else to live.
Neither of you is going to be able to move on and heal as long as you are under the same roof.

>Harshness Warning<


He is still passionately in love with me but I am being realistic that there is NO future for us, in another 20 years he will be 40 and I will be 60 and then what?

Are you crazy, you let some arbitrary fear of getting old stop you from just being happy? You take away his choice in the matter because you THINK your too old??

Maybe your right as your personal fears and insecurities are what's destroying this relationship, not your ages.

Go ahead then, set him free, and lose the melodrama. He deserves a healthy partner, and you ain't it.

Kind of obvious I don't agree with you at all, and would suggest you get help for whatever is your problem. Oh there is a big problem with your thinking.

talaniman, I appreciate your frankness, and it doesn't offend me. I am not unaware I am troubled by it but I did not say it was not a problem for HIM.. he thinks I can get plastic surgery when I am older and look young again.. well - I am a realist and don't think that way- I want to grow old with someone and appreciate each wrinkle WE accrue together - not worry that I need plastic surgery - I believe this passion has been a good one, we both got something tangeable from being together - something good has happened to us because of our affection and nothing can change that. I guess I only wanted to talk out loud, to help me make my decision , I really did not need to ask anyone's advice because I guess I have already made my choice and I am just feeling melancholic about it. The other advice from amicon, however, is valid and I have already talked to him about moving out and he's agreeable with it, thinks we should have some space between us too -so all in all, we have made a life changing decision but it doesn't have to be painful. Thanks both of you for your insights.
Bell

I can really appreciate your situation, and do understand your feelings especially about having surgery later. I think your right because that's what you want for yourself, and support you in doing what's right for you.

At least you know what you want and how to go about it, which is refreshing so forgive me for interrupting your vent!

LOL thanks my friend, and no forgiveness needed *bright smiles* this forum was what perfect for me, actually - sometimes I think we don't listen close enough to the inner voice -heart before head eh? Thanks again, *hugs*
Bell

Age is just a number in the grand scheme of eternity... that's if you believe you will be resurrected after this life and be with your loved one for eternity with a perfect never aging immortal body. That's at least what I believe and what my faith teaches.