So in the summer I want to go to Reading Festival for the full weekend (3 nights) with 3 of my best girlfriends, ill be 15 by then and you need to be 16 without an adult, my dad said he wasn't comfortable with me going with just my friends so I negotiated and said "how about if kim comes?". Kim is my sister, shell be 23 by then and she wouldn't be by our sides, but she did say she didn't want to camp with us so I said that maybe if she just stayed the day and went to a hotel just outside the festival then that'd be okay because it'd be a lot easier to get hold of her if she's in a hotel or shopping and all rather then trying to search a festival for her and her not being able to hear her phone because of the music! I understand where my dad is coming from but I think that I'm old enough and responsible enough to go away from him for those few days! And I feel asif he has trust issues but he always says "its not you, its other people" but I just feel that if he can't trust me not to go near those people or walk away from those people before I get in trouble then there is little trust at all! I'm frustrated and need to convince him to let me go because all my friends parents are very trusting and say "okay, ill give you a chance but if you mess this up then youre not going again until youre 18, you call me every day and you stay together" and I think that is fair as anything! But it seems I'm not even being given a chance here, I'm so frustrated! How can I convince him?

To start with at 15 you are not as mature as you think you are. And your dad does know exactly what kids your age do when they are away from supervision. PARTICULARLY in groups. I don't know where teenagers get the idea only THEY grasp things... its the teenagers that 99.99% of the time that really don't grasp everything.

It is fair... until you have finished school, gotten a job and are fully self supporting he cando what he feels is in your best interests.

And incidentally... I don't believe the cock and bull story about "your friends parents being "very trusting".

If they say go and do what you want... they aren't being good parents. When you are 18.. then its your life to live... in the meantime, your parents know far more about the real world than you do... you have to trust their judgement. YOu want to have fun and can't see what is likely to happen... he see's what is very likely to happen and is trying to keep you safe. And yeah... I don't even need to know you to see a hundred things that can happen you never even thought of.

Peer-Pressure ISN'T the figment of any adults imagination... its very real... and very dangerous.

It takes time. I know that's not what you want to hear but this stage is new for both of you. You want to grow up and explore new things and he has to get used to letting you go out on your own.

Continue to be responsible which will make him more comfortable in letting you have more freedom.

You sound like you're OK with the idea of your sister going as a chaperone so what's the big deal? I honestly think that it's a big step for both of you- you'll get to go to the festival and he can rest easy knowing you're not completely alone if Kim is somewhere nearby. Plus, 15 is rather young to go out on your own for a few days. I do agree with him that it's the other people that are the concern and a group of teenage girls would be an easy target for a predator.

No no, I don't think my dad is unfair at all! He's a wonderful man and is my idol, I just feel that he needs to realize I am growing up and that I'm not his baby girl anymore! I want some time away with my girlfriends and I think this would be the perfect opportunity for me to show him that I am responsible and I am capable of being a mature young adult. Yeah, he does know what kids do when away from supervision but he knows me and he knows that if I screw this one up then I don't go again so id be messing it up for myself, not him. He's not saying "go and do what you want" he knows that I know there are rules and regulations, consequenses to my actions and all. He understands how frustrated I am because his parents didn't let him do things until he was 18 and he said it made him unhappy and that he's trying his best to make sure I'm happy and my oppertunerties are wide open.

I am afraid that I have to side with your father on this one. It only takes a moment in a crowd that large for you and your friends to get separated and for something bad to happen. You can't always see the threat coming to be able to move away from it.

I, myself, am a parent (my daughter is now 17). If my child had asked me to let them attend a Festival essentially unchaperoned, I would have a problem with it, too. IF your sister was staying with you at night and checking in with you during the day, I might be a bit more lenient. However, she doesn't seem to want to be a part of the outing and for that reason I would be concerned that she wouldn't be as 'mature' about babysitting as she should be.

See, your dad was 15 before... I was 15 before... we know what 15 year olds do when they are away from supervision (particularly in groups)... and its things that no mature person would say is fine to do. Plus the risk from preditors is very real... and very dangerous. What a group of 15 year old girls think is fun when nobody is watching isn't what any of their parents would consider reasonible or fine to do.

You can say you know there are rules and regulations here... but we also know what's going to happen when you get out away from adults with a couple friends... someone says,, lighten up... or says you are chicken... or any number of things kids do and pretty soon nobody is thinking about what they should be doing. Then someone's getting drunk... stoned... etc... or ends up in any number of bad situations. Dead being the worst... pregnant... etc...

As adults, we've been there... we see through the lame attempts to rationalize it, and the more a 15 year old tries to rationalise it... the more its clear they fully intended to do what they should not have been in the first place. Or it wouldn't be such a big deal.

My sister is just as passionate about music as I am and would do anything to let me have a good time but she's just not keen on the camping because of the lack of showers and the tents etc.

I'm also not a mindless person who is influnced by somebody who is just there to cause trouble, I have no interest for that person and whether they like it and respect it or not is their choice, they can call me a chicken or a woose all they like, I'm happy to walk away and not get involved because I'm just there to have a good time with my girlfriends and music!

rosanna-hope agrees : I understand where you're coming from when you say about the predator and young girls being a prey but I feel if we set up our little camp near responsible adults that are well away from the teen boys that are likely to get us in trouble then I don't s

Not all adults who seem responsible are. You can't tell the 'good' people from the 'bad' people by looks. A lot of the 'bad' people are extremely good at disguising themselves as 'good' people. Maybe you can come up with something else to do with your friends that would have so many inherent risks?

im also not a mindless person who is influnced by somebody who is just there to cause trouble, i have no interest for that person and whether they like it and respect it or not is their choice, they can call me a chicken or a woose all they like, im happy to walk away and not get involved becuase im just there to have a good time with my girlfriends and music!
See... YOU say that now, and alone it might even be true... but with a group of your peers that attitude WILL change quite quickly. See, most of us have been there before... we know otherwise.

Why is it so important to go alone to a festival for music you can hear at home if it WASN'T the case? See the more you try to argue the point... the clearer it becomes to me that actually IS the case. You won't recognise the point that you are NOT yet mature enough to do this... yet you think you can rationalise doing it somehow.

THe fact remains... what happens at these festivals isn't legal in many cases... its dangerous in most... and in none of the cases at 15 are you prepared to deal with them face to face.

im also not a mindless person who is influnced by somebody who is just there to cause trouble, i have no interest for that person and whether they like it and respect it or not is their choice, they can call me a chicken or a woose all they like, im happy to walk away and not get involved becuase im just there to have a good time with my girlfriends and music!

The people I am concerned about are the ones who seem safe, but they aren't.

Our plan this summer is to go to a festival. Were not going back now as this has been our dream for about 3 years. Also its a lot cheaper then paying £30 a pop to see individual bands!

I have never given into peer pressure in my life, this has caused me to either lose friends or gain them, I am a very individual person and I am capable of supporting myself in a situation where I need to prove myself and prove to other people.

Really... then why aren't you holding down a full time job and supporting yourself?

Do you honestly believe we don't see through the smoke screeen you are putting up?

If they won't be your friends if you don't go... then there really aren't your friends now... real friends are not that shallow.

And besides... after you finish high school, and if you go to college... most of these people you will never see again.

Its pretty clear from your arguments you think none of us are thinking about what you really plan to do and why its so important (to you) to go.

We weren't born yesterday. This isn't something you alone have thought about... and the fact remains we DO know what happens at these festivals. YOU apparently don't at this point. Or you really do and are just telling a lie about it. The fact you wish to dismiss the reality here is dangerous.

YOU don't give in to peer pressure... really. Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that line? Seriously. I've been there before... I know the stories... I know the reality. YOU can't fool me. I'm not so old I don't still vividly remember being your age, and I know what me and my friends said... and what we did.

And when I was 15... we didn't have AID's... meth wasn't a major problem... and roofies were unheard of.

I'm not holding down a full time job because if you haven't heard Britain is still in a recession and the first jobs to get cut are under 18's because they can't spent the time training us when they need money. My dad earns around £50,000 a year and his girlfriend another £45,000 so I have no intention if supporting myself until I can get on my feet in college and university. Who said my friends won't go if I don't? They will still go if I can't but we decided to go together, they're my best friends and they know that if I can't go and they can then ill be unhappy, id do exactly the same for them. And I will be seeing these people after college and university as two of them are my cousins and one has been my best friend for nearly 11 years. So then smoothy what is it that you think I plan on doing? Yes, I do know what happens at these festivals and I've never said that I don't know what happens - I know about the drunks and the fights and the drugs. I am in no way interested in that and you clearly seem to think that I am and that as soon as I'm out of my fathers sight I'm going to be coked up and drunk up for any boy coming my way, which I am not in any way shape or form. Things aren't like they were, if I was planning on doing what everyone may expect from someone my age then they are clearly wrong. I am an A grade student, never had a boyfriend and I am respoinsible and respect my father. If I had a boyfriend or a trouble he would be the first one to go to for advice.

You are missing the point I'm trying to make here.

You'r friends are going to party and do what they can't do at home... they are going to make you feel bad if you don't participate with them... people you don't know may slip you something and you wake up "shall we say, violated".

Its not all about YOU and what YOU do... the risk is the others around you, and what they will do.

You fail to recognise what young kids do when they are away from parental supervision for a few days. See, I know exactly what they do... I've been there, I know the mindet, I know the stories... I know the risks.

See, you can say one thing... but having been through that stage... you may end up moving to another scity for work... and you drift apart from the friends of your youth and find new friends as an adult. Its common and most people deal with that. YOu can't grasp that yet because as a kid... this is all you have known.

You also have never been caught up in a fight before, and people slip things in your food or drink, particularly if you don't take them voluntarily. Are you going to go three days without eating or drinking... or sleeping to be sure nothing happens? I doubt it... you don't actively have to willingly participate... you can be dragged into it... or shamed into it. Doesn't matter what country you live. Peer pressure is peer pressure... and its very, very, very difficult to resist.

Words mean nothing... most people to have fallen to that were claiming they wouldn't... but did anyway.

Doesn't matter what your grades are. The people at the top of the class were some of the worst I have known.

See I've been to college as well. I've seen this... been through this. I know the realities... and in fact... I have known NONE who successfully resisted peer pressure for long. After all, everyone wants to be accepted... and the greatest perssure comes from your own friends... not people you don't know. And without supervision... they are more likely to do all the wrong things. Oh they won't see them as wrong... they will see them as having fun... being mature... when in reality, a mature person see's it as something totally the opposite.

Most adults don't see getting stoned or drunk in groups as beintg either responsible or adult. We see that as a sign of immaturity. Mature people don't hang out at festivals... we don't feel the need to justify how there is nothing wrong with it. We do know the types of people that are the majority at them. And while you may not have that mindset... you will be around them in close quarters. Without supervision... and that is dangerous to someone who doesn't recognise what the problems can be.

Trust me... its not a swipe at you... but just that I'm trying to make you aware that you are ignoring all of the problems because you want to attend a big 3 day party with your friends ansupervised bu adults... and you are trying to make this look like church camp or something.

As a mother, I agree with your Dad. If a responsible adult is there with you it would be different, but today there are so many things that could happen. Your Dad is just trying to protect you... you seem to be a considerate young lady. Trust your Dad on this.

I am not trying to make this look like a church camp and I'm aware of the risks. No if you were to let someone spike your food or drinks then you're an idiot - in the UK precautions and special packs have been given out to prevent spiking of drinks and food, security and all. And mature people can't attend festivals? I'm sorry but that has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life! Not all festivals are the same I must add, special precautions and adjustments are made every year..

special precautions and adjustments are made every year..

Do you understand why NEW precautions and adjustments are made every year? It is because those who prey on others learn ways around the current precautions.

You are 15. Give yourself time to grow up.

It isn't your actions your Dad is worried about, it's the action of sick people who are in this world who prey on the unsuspecting girl or boy.
It's unfair , I know that, but I never let one of my daughters go anywhere at your age without my husband or I being there. When they spent the night with someone we always checked on them. I still worry about them even thougj one is in her senior year at College and one lives another state and the oldest lives very close, but I call her before she leaves work and when she gets home to be sure she made it home safely.

My oldest son tells me not to worry when he is away in his line of duty , but I do. I'm sorry but the world is not a very safe place for young people anymore. I hope you get a chaperone to go with you. Good Luck Young Lady

The legal age to go to that festival without an adult over 18 is 16. If I can't prove myself this year WITH an adult then how am I going to do it next year? I'm not even being given a chance! If things go wrong then I don't go again, simple as that

the legal age to go to that festival without an adult over 18 is 16. if i can't prove myself this year WITH an adult then how am i going to do it next year? im not even being given a chance! if things go wrong then i dont go again, simple as that

What adult? A sister who won't stay with you at night or really even through the day? Sorry, that is not 'with an adult'?

If you wanted to prove yourself, you would show your maturity by accepting your father's decision and hope that if you can talk your sister into spending the nights or get another adult to go with you that he will change his mind.

I still agree with your Dad. Parents have built in radar when it comes to their children. This radar tells us if we feel uneasy about allowing our children to something, to go with feeling and say no. I'm sorry but I think your much to young.

It is with an adult if she leaves for the nights.. what happens if I'm in trouble and she's in another arena? What happens if I can't find her because she's in the middle of a crowd? What happens if we get separated? If she's outside of that in a shopping center or hotel I can get hold of her no doubt about it and I will always be able to hear her clearly and ill know where she is and shell be able to get hold of me.

You answered your own question. The what "ifs". Hope you try to understand.

it is with an adult if she leaves for the nights..

No, it isn't. To think that it is, is a very mistaken idea.

That's not what I meant, I'm not good with words!

You are missing the point everyone is making.

You aren't an adult... you don't have the life experience to make adult decisions yet. Responsible people don't take 3 days out of their life to go to a music festival, therefore the majority of people attending the festival are't going to be the most responsible types or the best behaved types.

You are completely ignoring everything everyone has been telling you.

You can't rationalise the facts... you can't explain away the reality.

You may be a good kid at heart... but you are still a kid. A kid among a LOT of other irresponsible kids and even less responsible adults. Face it... if they were responsible they would either be in school, or work. Or have other important things that they can't walk away from for 3 days.

Your arguments trying to justify going are very poor and exactly the kind that a kid would make. When you are older and have some actual life experience you will understand what we are trying to make you understand now.

Your father knows it.. we know it... its you that can't see it. I know first hand what happens in these sorts of crowds at this type of event. I know what can and does happen to a few people every time. And YOU can easily be one of those people... more likely than someone with more street smarts would be.

I've been to these sorts of events in the past... as an adult. You as someone who thinks its going to be like a church event aren't going to be able to convince me as someone who knows what peolple are like in that sort of environment is going to somehow be any different just because you would be there.

Bad things have a way of happening to good people when they are unaware of or choose to ignore the reality of what's going on around them. Because the sad fact of life is... there are a lot of bad people with bad things in their heart just waiting to take advantage of people.

Why would they be in school or work when its;
a) August bank holiday
b) summer holidays

Yeah, they may be what a kid would make but I don't think parents are understanding the frustration, you can say they went through it before - some do, some don't! What happens to "expect the worst, hope for the best and never be dissapointed"?

Rosanna,your still 14,and will only have turned 15 by the time the festival is on.

Everyone has made valid points.

Your dad is doing his job,that's what dads do,if his concession is to let kim go with you,I suggest to take it and run,don't try and push him a little further,he might change his mind,think your not mature enough.

He's trying to meet you half way,meet him there.

There's going to be concerts galore as you get older,and much to see and learn,try and accept your dad knows what he's doing and trust in that.

The year from 15 to 16,you will mature a little more and he may allow a little more freedom,what you have is age approriate.

Yes I know everyone made valid points, and I've taken them in. I am meeting him half way by saying my sister can go with me, what's the difference if she's in a hotel up the road or in a festival that's a lot more distance to cover then going up the road. I already go to concerts and have been going since I was about 12. He understands how much music means to me and how much I love the bands and atmosphere

Good Luck.

whats the difference if shes in a hotel up the road or in a festival thats alot more distance to cover then going up the road.

If she is staying in the tent with you at night, there isn't that much difference.

You seem to have some underlying belief that once you are in your tent nothing can happen. Please, think again. At night, in the dark, in a tent, asleep, you are at your most vulnerable.

You lock your tents at night, my sister wouldn't be staying with me and my girlfriends as she's going with her boyfriend.

why would they be in school or work when its;
a) august bank holiday
b) summer holidays

yeah, they may be what a kid would make but i dont think parents are understanding the frustration, you can say they went through it before - some do, some dont! what happens to "expect the worst, hope for the best and never be dissapointed"?


Um... do you really believe what you just said... I mean really? Do you think you alone are unique in the world, and nobody else has ever had that thought, and nobody knows more than you do? At 15 where did you gather this insight into what adults know and don't know?

If you expect the worst... you don't go into a situation where you are open to exploitation, exactly like this. And the "expect the worst, hope for the best and never be dissapointed" is naïve at its best... and at its worst dangerously delusional. Someone slips you a roofie... and you are passed out... getting gang raped or worse... you are going to do what to stop it. Or worse... a few stoners decide you are going to have sex with them and overpower you and do it against your will while you are wide awake, you think everyone around you will stop them? Sad reality is you can count on nobody. Many will just watch... a few might join in with them... but precious few would stick their necks out and risk their well being against a group of people.

I mean... thats not the only thing either... you might disappear, be someone's sex toy tied up in a shed before they tire of you and kill you.

That has happened recently at a Metallica concert... Google up Morgan Harrington read a few of the stories, and it was just a single concert she went to... they recently found her remains. And she was older and more mature than you are.

If she is staying in the tent with you at night, there isn't that much difference.

You seem to have some underlying belief that once you are in your tent nothing can happen. Please, think again. At night, in the dark, in a tent, asleep, you are at your most vulnerable.

If her sister isn't going to be staying with her, I don't think it's a very good idea. What do you think?

you lock your tents at night, my sister wouldnt be staying with me and my girlfriends as shes going with her boyfriend.

The sides of a tent are the vulnerable point not the entrance.

So, she is going to be playing games with her boyfriend instead of making certain her little sister is safe.

She lost what little confidence I had in her being a chaperon.

Yeah she was older then I am, showing it can happen to anyone - dangerous acts are in fact more likely to happen to males aged between 15-24 then they are to women in the UK. There are security guard posts all over at the festival and wed be near one of those, if you're caught on drugs or are seen as a danger to other people you're automatically taken out of that area.

If her sister isn't going to be staying with her, I don't think it's a very good idea. What do you think?

I think it is the worst idea ever.

The sides of a tent are the vulnerable point not the entrance.

So, she is going to be playing games with her boyfriend instead of making certain her little sister is safe.

She lost what little confidence I had in her being a chaperon.

You answered my question Cat. I agree.

I find it insulting that you just said that about my sister and no she's not "playing games" with her boyfriend. She's 23 and a big girl and he's protecting me, my sister and my girlfriends. When I say she stays with her boyfriend do you realise that I mean next door?

i find it insulting that you just said that about my sister and no shes not "playing games" with her boyfriend. shes 23 and a big girl and hes protecting me, my sister and my girlfriends. when i say she stays with her boyfriend do you realise that i mean next door?

NOT at the festival. At the festival, according to your posts, she is in a hotel room and YOU are in a tent. Are you now trying to change that arrangement or add another 'adult' to it?

No I said it would be easier if she went to a hotel as she doesn't like camping. But she's considering staying in a tent.

yeah she was older then i am, showing it can happen to anyone - dangerous acts are infact more likely to happen to males aged between 15-24 then they are to women in the UK. there are security guard posts all over at the festival and wed be near one of those, if youre caught on drugs or are seen as a danger to other people youre automatically taken out of that area.
You are still using a kids argument on an adult subject. DO you REALLY believe all of that.. Females are statistically almost as likely to commit crimes these days as young males. And combine those two groups... a youung female is far more likely to be the victim of either group than a guy is.

DO you think there are more than a couple security guards for everyone there, and that they will be paying any attention to anything but keeping people from sneeking in without paying.

DO you know that I can be inside a tent in about 2 seconds, locked or not. DO you have any idea how quickly you can be gagged? About a second or two longer. How long would it take for you to wake up, recognise what was happening and think how to react from a sleep? A LOT longer than that I'll tell you.

The longer you try and argue this the worse your arguments are getting. They all highlight exactly how ill prepared you really are to attend an even't like this.

I'm sure your dad and your sister have all this figured out.

Can I ask, what's your mother take on this?

smoothy I suggest you stop talking to me about your disgusting theories and you emphasise the right bits.

redhed35; I don't live with my mother and haven't spoken to her for many years, her opinion is not valuable to me in any way what so ever.

I though you said your sister would be staying at a hotel, because she doesn't like camping. Does your dad know this? I don't think anyone on this site would insult you or your sister. We are trying to make a point.

We are trying to say if you are not chaperoned properly by an adult who is going to be there not next door, then you could get into all kinds of trouble. Maybe you don't recognize the dangers, but we do.

No one is trying to hurt your feelings, but you wanted our opinion and when we give them you have an argument against every one. We are trying to tell you how unsafe iti s for a child of fourteen to be in an atmosphere that is unsafe.

Rosanna,smoothy is right,horrible things happen at concerts,I'm only in ireland,I know there is security and everyone is searched,but even still I'm sure you have heard horror stories too.

I reread your original post,and for me,if I were in your shoes,I would gladly have my sister come with me and stay in the tent,if you want your dad to trust you AND kim to look out for you,you both need to follow his rules.

That's how you get him to trust you,that's how you get more freedom as you get older.

My sister was allowed to go to reading festival when she turned 15 and I think its only fair that I can go too?

my sister was allowed to go to reading festival when she turned 15 and i think its only fair that i can go too?

Did she have a chaperone?

my sister was allowed to go to reading festival when she turned 15 and i think its only fair that i can go too?

You may not think its fair,but your dad had made the decision,he's looking out for you,he loves you and is trying his best no doubt...

My advice,give him a break,do as he asks,there will be plenty more concerts,and plenty more times to come that will seem unfair.

smoothy i suggest you stop talking to me about your disgusting theories and you emphasise the right bits.

redhed35; i dont live with my mother and havent spoken to her for many years, her opinion is not valuable to me in any way what so ever.
Really... and nothing EVER happens like that? Seriously... You are sleeping in a flimsy tent. And a lock on a zipper is going to stop exactly whom?

There is a LOT worse things that can happen than I mentioned... did you even Google up Morgan Harrington?

She was in College... went to a concert with friends.. got separated... dissappeared... and they found her dead and not at the concert.

Seriously... if you were mature enough to attend a festival those are EXACTLY the sorts of things you should be thinking about. Because let me tell you... there are a lot of really sick individuals out there... and you may even know a few of them. You just don't know who they are yet.

you may not think its fair,but your dad had made the decision,hes looking out for you,he loves you and is trying his best no doubt...

my advice,give him a break,do as he asks,there will be plenty more concerts,and plenty more times to come that will seem unfair.

Did her sister have a chaperone?

No, my sister went behind my dads back, she went with her girlfriends and she was perfectly fine and said it was one of the best and most fun experiences of her life.

no, my sister went behind my dads back, she went with her girlfriends and she was perfectly fine and said it was one of the best and most fun experiences of her life.


She got lucky,anything could have happened,she was not allowed go!

You are allowed go if she goes with you and stays with you,sounds like you got a good deal.

smoothy the only UK abduction of a minor was Madeline McCann, this wasn't even in the UK, I'm not saying it couldn't happen but the likelihood is exremely low and also since 1998 there have been no cases of abduction or rape at both reading and leeds festivals.

no, my sister went behind my dads back, she went with her girlfriends and she was perfectly fine and said it was one of the best and most fun experiences of her life.

And there are also a lot of missing persons that did the same thing.

They don't always find the bodies. Its doesn't always work out for the best...

A music festival isn't Disneyworld. Your dad knows this... you refuse to accept the reality of it. And you REALLY need to start thinking about what could happen... because until you acknowledge it and are ready for it... you will be at a higher risk of being a victim of it.

Of course he knows its not disneyland, I don't refuse to accept it, I've already accepted it and I'm finding a way around it - you're trying to frighten me in telling me the facts which is the worst way around it.

500 children a year abducted from UK | Society | The Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/aug/09/children-abduction-kidnapping-uk-data)

Rosanna over 500 children were abducted last year in the uk,the danger is very real.

Just because it does not make the news,does not mean its not happening.

smoothy is making very real points,it wise to know so you can be aware.

Your going to the concert,your sister is going too,you can still enjoy the time and be cautious and safe.

That's what your dad is getting at.

Your safety.

I feel that I can't still enjoy myself with my sister, she takes control over everything I do - I'm sick of being dictated and I want freedom, I'm 15 and I'm going to reading festival.. I don't think anyone on this shouldve told me unless theyd actually been to reading/leeds or any other uk festival..

of course he knows its not disneyland, i dont refuse to accept it, ive already accepted it and im finding a way around it - youre trying to frighten me in telling me the facts which is the worst way around it.
From what you've been posting you have been refusing to acknowledge those facts... pretending they don't exist isn't the best way around it.

Sorry, but the innocence of youth is no protection from the lowlifes of the world. And with the passage to maturity... you have to deal with them as part of everyday life. We all do when you walk down the street, where you chose to live... IF you even decide to pass through certain neighborhoods. I'm 48... I've been around Biker Gangs... I grew up with people that are doing life in prison for murder... I've had friends that were killed various ways over the years. I've been to far more funerals than I care to remember of people I cared a lot about.

Sorry, but I've seen too much reality to pretend otherwise.

And spending three days at a music festival ISN'T like going to the market shopping. Not in any way. And even if nothing happens to you and you get your pockets picked on the first day... how do you eat. You have the Travelers (Gypsies) in the UK that like to be at these events... many have no legitimate work... and survive by theft.


An adult looks at these things... and prepares for them... they don't just assume it won't happen to them.

A common misconception is that gypsies steal, they don't. My aunt and her family are romany gypsies, it's the pikeys (irish travellers) that steal. And I most deffinately don't think that a gypsie can pay £170 to get into an event, they won't even get in through sneaking in. if anyone's stupid enough to keep your money in your pockets whilst around a lot of people is just asking to get their pockets picked. Yeah and I know that people are messed up, that's the reason I'm not my mother and she is who she is, she hangs around with these people and lost everything from it which is why I chose to stay away from it. Being at a music festival is for the enjoyment of the music - that's the whole point of it.

of course he knows its not disneyland, i dont refuse to accept it, ive already accepted it and im finding a way around it - youre trying to frighten me in telling me the facts which is the worst way around it.

Nobody is trying to frighten you , we are telling you there is a world out there with cruel, sick, perverted people. This isn't what you want to hear.
You are wanting one of us to say; okay, hey great idea! A fourteen year
Old girl at a festival where God knows what could happen.

You are very relentless when you argue about something you want. Do you argue with your dad like the this? Life sometimes isn't fair and that is the truth.You should be grateful people who you don't even know are trying help you.

No, I don't argue with my dad like this - we discuss it because he respects what I have to say and doesn't attack me and tries to take my ideas and his and put them together. Also I'm 15, not 14, yes the world is full of sick and peverted people - it can happen to anyone, its no more likely to happen at a festival then it is on the street or waiting for a bus.

a common misconception is that gypsies steal, they dont. my aunt and her family are romany gypsies, its the pikeys (irish travellers) that steal. and i most deffinately dont think that a gypsie can pay £170 to get into an event, they wont even get in through sneaking in. if anyones stupid enough to keep your money in your pockets whilst around alot of people is just asking to get their pockets picked. yeah and i know that people are messed up, thats hte reason im not my mother and she is who she is, she hangs around with these people and lost everything from it which is why i chose to stay away from it. being at a music festival is for the enjoyment of the music - thats the whole point of it.
Really... Gypsies don't steal... Exactly where did you gather that tidbit of information from.

I've seen and been around the Romany Gypsies on continental europe for over 25 years... and they do nothing but steal... they don't stay in one place long... nobody will hire them so exactly where does this money come from? Its like the Mafia... the low people on the ladder that do all the theft pay upwards to their elders who avoid the direct crimes... but stolen property is still stolen property no matter how many hands it passes through.


Gypsies were caught breaking into my Condo in Europe... Gypsies stole a friends car... (IT was found in their camp)... when the police go through the camps they arrest a LOT of people for possession of stolen property.

Fact is they teach their kids to do most of the theft... and pickpocketing due to the very lax laws about juveniles who commit crime. Until the influx of Albanians and Romainians into Europe.. the Romany were the perpetrators of a disporportionaly large amount of crime.

Yes... I know a lot of Police in Continental Europe... personally. I know what the Roma do there all too well (In a general sense). I don't see why the UK should be unique.

The Travelers aren't really any different... except for ethnicity. We have them too, thieves and shysters. They are just a bit less visible.

You said you would be 15 when the summer comes. Look I've given you my thoughts and you still want to try and convince yourself and your dad it's okay. Hope you and your dad can get it settled.Good Luck

The romany gypsies here don't steal, it's the irish tinkers that typically do.

Yeah asin because ill be 15 when it comes around meaning I don't have a birthday or anything coming up. I am going to convince him its okay, because it is - don't knock it till you try it.

no, i dont argue with my dad like this - we discuss it becuase he respects what i have to say and doesnt attack me and tries to take my ideas and his and put them together. also im 15, not 14, yes the world is full of sick and peverted people - it can happen to anyone, its no more likely to happen at a festival then it is on the street or waiting for a bus.

Can you provide statistics that can back that claim up... you seem alone in believing that.

No I can't provide statistics, can you?
It can happen anywhere.

the romany gypsies here dont steal, its the irish tinkers that typically do.

yeah asin becuase ill be 15 when it comes around meaning i dont have a birthday or anything coming up. i am going to convince him its okay, becuase it is - dont knock it till you try it.

The Irish Tinkerers aren't the ones roaming in bands in Europe I was referring to... though they probibly are there as well... those are Romany Gypsies I speak of... and they would never pass as Irish to anyone, anywhere. You can't miss them.

Pick a country anywhere in Europe... Paris... Rome for example.. you will see Rmany Gypsies there... on the streets robbing people... usually the kids doing it since they won't be locked up for long as an adult would. I've seen it personally.

THe adults usually beg on the sidewalks... the kids do pickpocketing and purse snatching until they become adults... usually.

No, I'll agree, the Irish tinkerers are no different and no better than the Romany Gypsies, just a different group ethnically. But maybe more dangerous because they blend in better ethnically.

And again you are totally ignoring everyone... you alone know more than anyone does... all of us.. you rfather.. because heaven knows... at 15 you already know everything there is to possibly know about life and its all downhill from there.

Sorry... but that's the attitude that's coming through the words you are typing. Whatever anyone says you are arguing they are wrong and you are right basically.

ANd the last thing any of us wants to see on the news is a story about a 15 year old that was brutally raped and murdered at a UK music event. No a picked pocket won't make it beyond local news.

And think you are unique... most child prostitutes are runaways that thought at whatever their age was that they alone knew more than their parents and insisted on doing what they want, when they want to. And Hollywood for example is full of them... same with NYC, LA, NYC. Andy major city you can name... and NONE of them are in control of their lives either.

One of the signs of maturity... is being able to see and admit when you are wrong about something.

Would it be possible that both of you,stop talking about enthics groups.

Happily

Its not going to make me like that group any better... restitution was never made for my losses. Even though they were caught.

Incidentally... your father seems to care more about your well being than you do. Its time to trust your father because he has your best interests at heart... you however have only your selfish self interests about what you want right here and now at any cost at heart. And no.. as the adult he isn't required to go ad-nausium into great detail why he said no. It's a family... not a democracy. They will make choices you don't always like... thats life. If they wanted you to die... they would have had an abortion 15 years ago. Widom comes with age and experience... judgement comes with wisdom... at 15 you have neither. And neither does anyone else your age.

When you are self supporting and have your own place. (there will always bwe another festival to attend).. THEN you can do what you want. You may not care about what happens to you... but spare the man the pain and guilt of responsibility if he let you go and something happened because you were too young and naïve to do it safely. Trust me... some day you WILL know what I'm talking about.

Lets assume you had an 11 year old sister that wanted to go alone with her friends... would you tell her go and have fun... or would you say she's not quite old enough yet... and if so... what makes 15 that critical age but not 11? Give that some thought.

Yes, I'm selfish and have selfish interests.. that's what "kids" do best!

yes, im selfish and have selfish interests .. thats what "kids" do best!
That's been clear since post #1. At least now you admit it... rather than expecting everyone to agree with you.


NOW will you try and look at this from an adults perspective? Rather than dismiss all the advice we've given... and the explainations behind it.

There isn't a person here that wants to see something bad happen... or we would just say do it. Reality of today's life is far different than it was even 30 years ago. As in its far more dangerous today.

Its not I don't accept what you're saying its just so boring and repeated 24/7, just doesn't get through because its not being put into my head the right way!

you lock your tents at night, my sister wouldnt be staying with me and my girlfriends as shes going with her boyfriend.

First night in Reading, cool

Second night in a cargo container, not cool

Third night in Albania, bad

The rest of your too short, too trusting life in Istanbul.

Happens every single day.

its not i dont accept what youre saying its just so boring and repeated 24/7, just doesnt get through because its not being put into my head the right way!
Well see, that's your problem to assimilate... we are putting the facts out to you in as simple and clear a manner as we can... to avoid the possibility of misconception.

If we get creative or clever there really is no way we can be sure you understood them as intended. That's one of the limitations of a forum. Face to face body language says a lot,. but absent that we have to be more direct.

And we really are trying to make you understand it from your fathers perspective.

I've hung out with some real scarey types growing up... but some of the things I presented is what goes through my mind if it was me going... or even a daughter. Even at my age. When you get older you see and think about what MIGHT happen.

Nobody grows old by taking uneccessary risks. Or being blissfull ignorant of what might happen.


I'll be the first to tell you... "Ignorance is bliss"... and wish I could explain that better... but I can't. There are events and knowledge you will come across as you grow up and older. Some of them change your life forever. Most of them you should be in no rush to experience. You just have to take someone's word for some things.

I've seen a man get shot in the chest point blank from 20 feet way (about 7 meters)... I've seen bodies burned alive until they were human shaped chunks of carbon. Not photos or video of it. There is plenty of time to do some things... but not to take chances with your well being.

I don't know your fathers story, but I'm sure he has his he could tell. And he does want you to make it to adulthood without any trauma.

I have been reading your arguments and I think you need a wake-up call. That non-existent crime at the Reading Festival:
Reading Festival rape victim not willing to prosecute - News - getreading - Reading Post (http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2057789_reading_festival_rape_victim_not_willing_t o_prosecute)

Please read the article and keep in mind that not everyone makes police reports especially those of a sexual nature.

That's why women now cary rape whistles and alarms, TO PREVENT BAD THINGS FROM HAPPENING. If she was drunk, she shouldn't of been left alone.

thats why women now cary rape whistles and alarms, TO PREVENT BAD THINGS FROM HAPPENING. if she was drunk, she shouldnt of been left alone.
You have an answer to everything (you think anyway)... when was the last time you even looked when a car alarm went off? You don't right, you think there is that idiots car alarm again and think about torching the car if it goes off again. You think many people are going to listen to that... or your atacker is going to stand there and LET you make noise? I'll say its far more likely it will illicit a quick and violent reaction to quickly quiet you up... think about the possibilites there, that is IF you even have the patience of mind at that moment to even remember you have one much less find it and use it. You know the odds are 100% that whomever would be doing the attacking etc... won't be a first timer, and unlike you, had this planned while YOU are the one being surprised.

Something you WILL learn eventually is at the moment of surprise you won't have time to think things through, you will 99% likely be standing there like a deer in the headlights... in shock... if its not instinctive without ANY thought... you won't have the time to think anbout anything until its too late. Talk to any policeman... they will confirm what I just told you. Hell, talk to a rape victim, they will tell you that. Because I know a few of them as well.

So Rosanna-Hope, the girl was drunk so she deserved it. I take it that's what you're saying. The reason she was raped is probably because she thought her friends wouldn't leave her by herself. So it was okay?


The reason she was raped is because whether you want to believe it or not little girl, places like that are unsafe for kids your age and there are horrible people who will rape, rob, murder who look as normal as you or me. I've said all I can say.

No I'm saying her friends were irresponsible in leaving her by herself or with a group of strangers, I mean hello that's just asking for trouble!

Kitkat don't patronise me, it just makes me want to ignore you more. Actually whenever a car alarm goes off I do look as to where it is and look for the owner.

I have talked to a policeWOMAN, in fact she's a DCI and my dads girlfriend, she gives me advice on how to keep safe and how to prevent things from happening so don't talk to me like I'm totally clueless in that area.

Ask her to be your chaperone and your Dad wouldn't have to worry.

Haha no, I think not

no im saying her friends were irresponsible in leaving her by herself or with a group of strangers, i mean hello thats just asking for trouble!

kitkat dont patronise me, it just makes me want to ignore you more. actually whenever a car alarm goes off i do look as to where it is and look for the owner.

i have talked to a policeWOMAN, infact shes a DCI and my dads girlfriend, she gives me advice on how to keep safe and how to prevent things from happening so dont talk to me like im totally clueless in that area.So you are an actual Rape Victim? Because unless you are... you are totally clueless as to what you would do at that moment.. I've known and am good friends with a few women who were raped... THEY will tell you they knew exactly what they were going to do too... right up until that moment when shock overcame them.


I'm voting you the person most likely to be the victim of a crime in 2010. You know everything... have a response to every situation... and have yet to live on your own in the real world. Because to avoid being a victim... you have to be aware of what can happen at any given time,. if you are strutting around like Wonderwoman overconfident in YOU know exactly what to do to stop any attack... you'll never see it coming.

The streetsmart people who commit the crimes can spot a clueless person from across the street... they can see it in how they walk... and how they carry themselves.

But since you are an expert in everything... you don't need our advice. Why don't you get rich opening a chain of self defense clubs teaching your sure fire methods to fend off atackers.

[QUOTE=smoothy;2230752]So you are an actual Rape Victim? Because unless you are... you are totally clueless as to what you would do at that moment.. I've known and am good friends with a few women who were raped... THEY will tell you they knew exactly what they were going to do too... right up until that moment when shock overcame them.


I'm voting you the person most likely to be the victim of a crime in 2010. You know everything... have a response to every situation... and have yet to live on your own in the real world. Because to avoid being a victim... you have to be aware of what can happen at any given time,. if you are strutting around like Wonderwoman overconfident in YOU know exactly what to do to stop any attack... you'll never see it coming.

The streetsmart people who commit the crimes can spot a clueless person from across the street... they can see it in how they walk... and how they carry themselves.

But since you are an expert in everything... you don't need our advice. Why don't you get rich opening a chain of self defense clubs teaching your sure fire methods to fend off atackers.[

[OUOTE] Smoothy, I think you are right. I also think she is not going to take any of the advice she has asked for..

i have talked to a policeWOMAN, infact shes a DCI and my dads girlfriend, she gives me advice on how to keep safe and how to prevent things from happening so dont talk to me like im totally clueless in that area.

I wonder what SHE thinks of your plan to go to the festival.

By the way, we only know what you tell us and you have already lied to us:


my sister was allowed to go to reading festival when she turned 15 and i think its only fair that i can go too?


no, my sister went behind my dads back, she went with her girlfriends and she was perfectly fine and said it was one of the best and most fun experiences of her life.

Quite frankly, I think you need to take a step back and reread what you have written and see the attitude that you show here. You have pretty much told us that you plan to go no matter what. I am concerned that you will follow in your sister's footsteps and go behind your dad's back.

I only can hope that you really think about what your dad says and that you obey HIS decision. As a parent, I would be more impressed by your accepting my decision rather than your trying to find away around it. It could even cause me to think about giving you a chance at maybe going for the day.

Guys, guys... wow. This has gotten a little out of hand.

We all remember being teenagers - we knew it all, we were invincible, the world was our oyster, and our parents were wrong, didn't understand us, and didn't trust our judgement. We were all there; we were in the same place as this teenage girl.

Rosanna, sweetie, you're not going to convince your Dad that going to this concert is safe for his precious 15 year old daughter. You are his princess, his baby girl. He will not, in good conscience let you go by yourself.

And that is good parenting.

If he lets you go with your sister (and her boyfriend), he is being negligent in his parental responsibilities. If she goes with you, stays in your tent, and is by your side enjoying the music, that's a different story.

I was a babysitter - I was the kind of babysitter that parents wanted to hire... i.e, the kind that stayed with the child the entire night. The babysitters that talked on the phone or snuck out with their boyfriends were not hired twice.

All we are trying to do here is tell you that you have so much more to learn about human nature, so many more things to see, so many more experiences to gain... and this silly concert could jeapordize it all. We're just worried about your lacksidasical attitude towards our concern for your safety.

We are standing behind your Dad, and honestly, none of us are going to tell you how to convince your Dad to let you go to this concert.

I'm sorry that you didn't get the support or answers that you wanted; you received the concern from good members of this community. People who have your best in mind.

Please don't shut their counsel out because they got a little upset at your responses. We only want your best and don't want to see you get hurt.

... or turn into a nameless statistic.

Your Dad loves you. You have SO many years ahead of you for concerts and parties. Don't you think you could at least give him the piece of mind in knowing that his baby girl is safe?

I know I'm my dads baby girl, I always have been. To be honest, he spoils me rotten and its not doing any good because when he says no that's when I fall out with him! His girlfriend thinks this is a good idea to prove myself to people, follow guidelines and rules, consequences and be able to be trusted when I'm out of parents sight. Yeah whatever I'm a "child", everyone wants to do what they want when there my age and mostly I can.. its pathetic and from everyone else's responses apart from yours historianchick, its like I'm expected to be a little child who is completely clueless and reckless, if I'm expected to be like that then most likely I will be like that.

Look.. I am not going to argue with you because I'm not your parent. All I was trying to say is, you seem like a nice kid who loves her dad very much. It's up to you and him work this out. If you do go be careful and stay safe.

The thing about this website is that people actually really care about helping people. We believe people when they come here, post their problems, and wait for answers. We answer from our own experiences, from our hearts, and try to help in any way we can.

You can be assured that all the answers in this thread were from a place of honesty and true concern. I'm in my 30's, single, and an "attractive young woman" (if I do say so myself! ;) ), and honestly, I'd be a little scared to go to a concert like that without a bunch of people... and I''m an adult who has lived in China for two years and travelled the world alone.

Please don't shut out our counsel because you were offended at the delivery. It was all with good intent. We have seen girls come onto this site with terrible and horrible results from careless decisions... and we truly don't want to see that happen to you.

Give your Dad the benefit of the doubt... he wants your best, he has such high dreams for your future.

Acting like an adult is something to strive for--you're still a teenager, but you can certainly act like an adult. You can be mature for your age, but when it is all said and done, you're still a minor who has SO much left to see.

Just consider all that when you are quick to get upset with your Dad about this concert.

And thanks for coming back on AMHD and answering my post. :)

i know im my dads baby girl, i always have been. to be honest, he spoils me rotten and its not doing any good becuase when he says no thats when i fall out with him! his girlfriend thinks this is a good idea to prove myself to people, follow guidlines and rules, consequences and be able to be trusted when im out of parents sight. yeah whatever im a "child", everyone wants to do what they want when there my age and mostly i can.. its pathetic and from everyone elses responses apart from yours historianchick, its like im expected to be a little child who is completely clueless and reckless, if im expected to be like that then most likely i will be like that.
When you are an adult you don't do whatever you feel like doing, whenever you feel like doing it. Those who do end up homeless, unemployed or in jail.

When you are an adult you don't argue about what you are going to do or not.

When you are an adult, you learn there are priorites in life... there are responsibilities.

When you are an adult... quite often you do do exactly what you want... when you want it, for any number of reasons... usually because of consequences... because few are independently wealthy and what you waste on one unimportant thing is money you don't have for sometrhing else that's more important.

When you are an adult... you do things because its right... not because its something you want to do.


Take a look at some of the adults you know personally... take a really long hard look. You will find that the impulsive people have little.. while the responsible ones have acquired much... as in house, possession, money. They don't whine about it... they don't insist they are going to do it anyway and don't care what happens.

Many Hustlers... (there may be a different work for them in the UK) take advantage of people that think they know everything... because that sort of pride and arrogance is easy to take advantage of.

Most people learn better as they get older... but the very young lack the life experience to see it before its too late. And yes for this purpose... even 18 and 19 is very young.

Now you can listen to what we have told you... and save yourself from having to learn those lessons the hard way. But don't go getting all snooty about how much you have learned in your whopping 15 years on this planet... none of which has been on your own yet.

Because we know the type... we've seen a lot of them... most end up dropping out of school, dead, in jail... or living in a rat infested apartment or trailer with kids from 3 or 4 different men, none of which hangs around... and the guy who IS living with them isn't sure to stay around long. And not knowing where the money for their next meal will come from.

And one thing they ALL share in common... is nobody that knew them was the least bit surprised that's how they ended up.

In the end its your life to screw up... and when you do... you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Yeah... a precious few manage to overcome childhood stupidity... but the vast majority suffer from the consequences of youthful stupidity the rest of their lives.

Consider our advice as an investment in your future... play it right... and you might have a maid and a Rolls-Royce and an Estate. Play it wrong and you will be in a seedy apartment in a bad part of town, and waiting for the Bus to take you everywhere.

Glad you came back also to let us know how things are going. I think about what HC stated and I seem to have forgotten what a teenager goes through. I will add, my parents said No to a great deal of the things I wanted to do. Thank God they did! They were right and I saw that later on in my life. Whatever decision your dad makes I'm sure it will be the right one. Good Luck and please keep us posted. We will worry about you.

Yeah... most of us grew up before the World Wide Web existed (yes I remember using Archie and Veronica search engines and the Internet being text based).

We are just trying to spare her many of the hard learned lessons we went through having nobody to talk to but our own small local circle of friends. None of whom knew any more than the other.

Heck... if she has the maturity to take seriously what we have told her, she will avoid all those major setbacks so many people have to struggle through.

If not... well, then she bears sole responsibility for what happens (or doesn't happen) in her life... and we reserve the right to mockingly say "We told you so".

Yeah....most of us grew up before the World Wide Web existed (yes I remember using Archie and Veronica search engines and the Internet being text based).

We are just trying to spare her many of the hard learned lessons we went throught having nobody to talk to but our own small local circle of friends. None of whom knew any more than the other.

Heck...if she has the maturity to take seriously what we have told her, she will avoid all those major setbacks so many people have to struggle through.

If not...well, then she bears sole responsibility for what happens (or doesn't happen) in her life.....and we reserve the right to mockingly say "We told you so".
All we can say has been said. I hope she stays safe if she is allowed to go to this Festival.

You tihnk I don't now that? There's a reason why I'm going in the opposite direction to my mother, she was the one who's parents didn't allow her to do what she wanted so she did it behind their backs and got in more trouble in the end - I've seen it happen before my eyes, I'm not an idiot and I'm not ending up like that. I'm ending up like my dad - successful with a family.

I no longer wish for anyone to comment this, the only person who's opinion has gone through is HC because she actually talks sense and doesn't deliver drivel that I've heard before and I find boring and I'm not going to take in, she clearly knows what's she's doing and knows how to hit the right buttons.

i no longer wish for anyone to comment this, the only person whos opinion has gone through is HC becuase she actually talks sense and doesnt deliver drivel that ive heard before and i find boring and im not going to take in, she clearly knows whats shes doing and knows how to hit the right buttons.

Your wish is granted. I truly hope you have the lovely life you want, and I hope you're lucky enough that your choices don't interfere with your plan. Bye.

you tihnk i dont now that? theres a reason why im going in the opposite direction to my mother, she was the one whos parents didnt allow her to do what she wanted so she did it behind their backs and got in more trouble in the end - ive seen it happen before my eyes, im not an idiot and im not ending up like that. im ending up like my dad - successful with a family.

i no longer wish for anyone to comment this, the only person whos opinion has gone through is HC becuase she actually talks sense and doesnt deliver drivel that ive heard before and i find boring and im not going to take in, she clearly knows whats shes doing and knows how to hit the right buttons.
Ummm, this is a public forum... until the tread is officially closed... it is open to comment.

And I do have something to say about your comment about NOT wanting to repeat what your mother did.

Most people who was in that situation will say that... then turn around and do exactly the same thing, or somethinf similar. How else would so many kids from disfuctional families grow up to have disfunctional families of their own. Kids of abuse tend to be more often the abusers even when they complain about it themselves.

The point I am making here is recognising the problem is only the start... unless you take all the right steps to avoid making the mistakes or worse then you end up on the very same path you swore you would avoid.

And from your own comments... its your father that had the common sense and good judgement in your family.

How about starting down that right path and do what he said... stop even thinking about going against his wishes. Unless you really want to end up like your mother.

And yeah... every choice you make... no matter how insignificant it MAY seem to a teenager... can have very large repercussions as a small choice now may close the door to a great opportunity later.. which in turn effects other opportunities after that.

The concept really isn't difficult to understand. If you ever watched any science fiction movies about time travel... you could not have missed the pretext about never changing anything because any change will have unintended consequences over time.

That concept is very valid... and you will understand it over time as you get older.

Every choice you make now determines what opportunities you will have available to you later... and that choice will change what opportunities you have after that.

One wrong choice however insignificant now really can effect the rest of your life in a really big way. So impulse decisions are usually the very worst things you can make.

With that said... I have made choices that had later consequences I never even thought of at the time... and yes opportunities were lost as a result.