I was with my ex for 2.5 yrs. She has three kids with two different dads

Our difficulties were due to our exes. Her ex would tzt her things such as telll your loser boyfriend how many times we have had sex while you have been together. My ex would text her dumb things too. I believe her ex husband though.

She left her 3 kids for almost a year and moved in with me. The kids were with their dads. She left her ex husband to be with me.

She has broken up with me before. One time she went to the club one day after the break up and gets drunk and gives her ph number to someone she says she hardly remember how he looks. We got back together 3 days later and she changed her numbeer. She broke up with me a month later and left on a trip with a gfriend of her. I saw a pic of her on myspace with some dude kissing her cheek and hugging her and her gfriend next to her she had a big smile. She said it was some random dud that wanted a poic with them but then left.

So two weeks ago I chk her ph and she said she erased a text from her ex because it was dumb and probably meant foir someone else and she didn't remember what it said. So I got mad. And she kicked me out of her house. We yelled and pushed each other around so her kid saw. Then she yells to bever call her again and to not look for her.

4 days later we go out dancing she was hesitating to hug or kiss me. We end up making love that night but she says were not back together.

So I continue to call her and confess my love for her and to try again. She says not and seems annoyed. Telling me she wants space and wants to b a lone. So I keep calling her and finally she yells at me to back off and to stop calling and calls me a loser a pest and a piece of crap.


She calls five times and text me that she looked for me at home and I wasntg there and to forget about her.

I go to her hojuse the next day and she says she looked for me because she was drinking and got horny and she felt comforftable with me. We make love again that mornkng bjt she says that right now she doesn't want a relationship but like to make love to me because of comfort. And then she says she won't stop going out. But would like to keep it simple. I told her no that I wans t a sexual object.

I don't know what to do I love her so much.

Lets see - she left her kids, she's lied to you numerous times, she uses you as a "back-up", and she left her husband to move in with you. Sounds like she's a real hum-dinger!

Why would you even consider hanging on to her? Move on and find yourself a real woman who will love you and treat you with respect. You deserve better!

So basically she just wants to have a sexual relationship with you on her terms? Don't you think you deserve a lot more than that? I think it should be all or nothing, and the fact that her ex is telling you that stuff and she doesn't step in speaks volumes to how she thinks of you

I don't even know why I hold on. Friends and family have told me to move on but I don't. I'm stuck in this weird trend. We have gone through so much have told each other so many awful things. She got her kids back almost a year later and told me that she was bringing them to my house and I had to be OK with it or she would move out. So she moved out and went to her moms house where she has been living I told her to bring her kids but then she refused. Now she says she wants her space that she is happier on her own. And tels me she doesn't want to be selfish and she says she knows it sounds like that but she says she don't know if its because she still loves me or that she was just so used to me being around but she doesn't want me to stay away but does want me to back off. I don't know but I love her so much. And it hurts me so much thinking someone else might be around. She says no one else is in the pic. Amd I ask her wshen she has gone out if she gave her number away. She says no but its really none of my business. Yet she wants me in her life without strings attached. She mentioned that two guys fought over talking to her and that I was funny to her because she wasn't even talking to them like that. And that many guys tried to talk to her but she didn't give hthme the time of day. I'm so dammed confused. I don't want to give up. I have my flaws too and sometimes blame myself. Because I used to try to tell her what to wear. To not wear clothes that make her seem so sexy or would ask her all the time if guys talked to her or hit on her. It might be because of a lot of things she has done. And how we met. We met working together. Started as friends and we both were with other people. We then hooked up and we left our sig others. We used to do many crazy things while at work if you know what I mean. We worked at a hospital night shift. I don't work there anymore. So a lot of jealousy on my part because she was working during the day time but then she went to night shift. So I began to questoion a lot more because of the way we met. We used to go down to her office where no one was around. So I started to think she would do that with other people. But the problem right now is that she doesn't want to try anymore and today she said she was sorry for asking me to stay around to be making love to her. She says sorry it won't happen again. She says may be in the future we might find each other again and try to see if we work if it was meant to be. Help please. I'm confused

You have been dumped by a very loose woman, who used your feelings for her own selfish needs.

What should you do? Be happy as hell she didn't bring her kids to move in with you, and really put the screws to you.

You dodged a bullet, got sex, and now your free to think on your own. Be happy with that.

I text her yesterday y she continued to keep my hopes up and telling me she was confused and still loved me and missed me and she responded the following. Look Alex I've already told u we are over... although I do miss u... I don't miss all the arguing... I'm sorry but. Don't think we will ever be together again.. things are peaceful now. And I'm not stressed anymore...

So I ask her if there was someone else in her life and she send me this.I already told u no... there doesn't have to b anyone with me to not b with u... I've made up my mind. Move on... bye

What the heck went wrong. Why is she acting like this when she still says she loves me and misses me and no one else is in her life.

Oh my gosh, haven't you figured this out yet? She only wants someone she can use, and who lets her do whatever she wants. Despite your feelings, unless you want to be a puppy dog, leave her alone.


I ask her when she has gone out if she gave her number away. She says no but its really none of my business. Yet she wants me in her life without strings attached.

That should be enough to tell you that the sex was all she was after in the first place.

Started as friends and we both were with other people. We then hooked up and we left our sig others.
So you gave up a lot to be with this work place booty call, and fell for her. But what you fail to realize is her feelings for whatever reasons changed, and the meaning of her words of love were not as serious as you took them.

Plus, and you even admit, because of how she acted with you when you met, you thought she was that way with others as well. So you were needy and smothering with your actions, and as she says that changed her feelings.


So I ask her if there was someone else in her life and she send me this.I already told u no... there doesn't have to b anyone with me to not b with u... I've made up my mind. Move on... bye


She has been clear, she is through with you, even as a booty call, and now you have to leave her alone, or stay confused, and keep trying, and make yourself more foolish in her eyes as she goes about your business.

You have mixed up lust, with love, and need to face reality and accept, there was no love, just words, and the lust is gone, so this thing is over.

To keep chasing now, will only bring more misery and pain. Time to let go.

Well update. We communicated yesterday by text. Trust me she is short one words answers. But then she replies or text someththing totally irrelevant just to make me think she's talking to another guy so I ask her. And she denies that she is that its accidental. So I get mad and fwd a voicemail mail from a good friend of mine asking me to call her back. She gets up set and says. "Well, here u go this msg was not meant for u" she forwards me a pic of her getting out of the shower half picture. Her smiling almost showing her nipples. So in the message its says "thinking of u, I hope u like!" U could tell it was really a message she sent someone. So I call her and told her that since she's being sleezy I was going to fwd to her dad. Lmao. So then she's like well I made that message up I never sent a pic like that to anyone. I only took the pic because I have started the gym aagin and wanted to see how good I look. Oh my god this is eating me up it feels like torture. I'm so stupidly in love with her yet she continues to tell me to let it go that we will never be together again. She even told me that I was the one that talked her out of keeping only a sexual relationship with her, that she really wanted that because she does still love me and trust me making love to her and because she doesn't want to be with anyone else and also because she doesn't like being alone. HELP DO I DO. I CAN'T GET CLOSURE.

Is your last name Mat? First name Door?

Look, the chick is loose. She already has 2 children by 2 men. She's a loose woman, stop texting her, change your number. There's no telling what diseases she's going to give you. Remember that HIV/AIDS is not curable.

She doesn't want your love or affection, she only wants your penis on HER terms.

Don't you get it? She doesn't love you. She doesn't respect you. At least respect yourself enough to drop the bimbo and get on with your life.

There are so many problems in your situation, here goes:

1) 3 kids, 2 dads, that's an unbelievable amount of baggage.

2) Seems like she's not the type to settle down with 1 man anyway, since she's able to change so often

3) Friends with benefits? How can you be happy with that. You're just setting yourself up for constant heartbreak.

4) No regard for your feelings, just leaving you hanging to dry

5) You've become her booty call, nothing more

6) You're completely infactuated with this woman that every piece of advice you're given, it's not even going in one ear and out the other... it's more like it's blocked at the entrance.

7) If you want to continue to suffer, then go ahead.

8) If you want to heal, then leave her out of your life. Talking to her only prolongs the misery.

9) Check out my signature for NC related threads.

10) Closure comes from within yourself. You don't seek her out to get closure. Looking for her is generating false hope; thus, dragging out the agony.

Thanks guys for the info. Trust me I try to follow advise but for some reason it feels like I can't follow through. It feels like the further I distance myself and not contacting her the faster she will forget about me. She still says she loves me and misses me but right now she like to be on her own without anyone telling her what to do or when to do it.

Dude, you WANT her to forget you! Don't you get that? You don't need to have this disaster in your life. Yes, she is a disaster! A train wreck.

Thank God you don't have a child with this... ummm, well, let's just leave it at that.

Thanks guys for the info. Trust me I try to follow advise but for some reason it feels like I can't follow through. It feels like the further I distance myself and not contacting her the faster she will forget about me. She still says she loves me and misses me but right now she like to be on her own without anyone telling her what to do or when to do it.

This is just more evidence that you're not listening to us.

She already knows that you want a serious relationship with her, but her actions are pretty clear that she doesn't want the same thing. You keep hanging on to this false hope of this fantasy with her.

The point of NC is not to win her back. If you read the thread you will know that this is a common misconception. NC is to heal from the break up.

Your life, your choice. We can only give you suggestions.

I'm being a big baby. I know she is not playing nice but u can tell from when we have talked that is a front she's putting. She told me that she doesn't txt or call is to keep herself from hurting herself. That its her defense mechanism and she has practiced it. Shi$$$%znit I'm so torn when we were together we had many very wonderful times. Sex was wonderful. Man we just got from vegas on christmas and we were having a great time and then over a freaking argument we break upp and its all over. And then tomorrow is valentines and she has said she will be bbq with her sister and friends while ill be thinking about her like and idiot. I have tried NC for somedays and then I break it because I don't hear from her and begin thinking that she might have met someone while we were in a rship or the next day we broke up when she went out I start thinking she met someone and now she's having a goodtime with this person. D problem is that in my job I work in a car driving around all day and sometimes there's not much to do and I begin thinking so much I really don't want to say what I do. Although this doesn't interfere with my job when there's nothing to do my mind wonders.

And then knowing every other weekend she doesn't have her kids and she will go out like she said no one including me will stop her from going out to drink or to a bar or to a club. Kills me. Thinking she will hook up with someone. Like she said she never thought she would receive all the attention and how guys were offering to go out with her but she said no. She said girls love that type of attention. That devastates me even more. Making this illusion that another man will be in between her legs and her enjoying it the way she enjoyed with me or more. Gosh sorry guys.

Dude, do you have a low self esteem? Don't you think you could get anything better than a disease ridden ho?

Don't you get it?

*She does not love you.

*She does not respect you.

*You are her boy toy.

*You are a piece of meat.

*She is not a respectable woman.

You really don't understand do you? I mean seriously.

Well its pretty obvious you will be stuck on stupid because all you can think about is the fun your little head was having while she was screwing your big head over. Get a grip will you! The sex was good and all the guys think so, but it should be the way she treats you that you have to pay attention too.

I have no doubt that you will learn the hard way. Have at it. Run head first into that brick wall. Your head is hard, but not as hard as you think. That goes for the little head too.

Ditch the false hope and get your selfrespect back.
What's so attractive about spending time wondering what she is up to?

Edited-https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

She brought myself esteem to the ground. Yet people want to talk to me and I'm hesitant for some reason. May be that was the problem in this relationship. I questioned about everything. But also there was reason to question


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

I highly suggest you get your dignity, and self respect back, by worrying about you and what your doing, and not what she could be up to.

Sadly your letting yourself get carried away by past good sex, jealousy, and have thrown good old fashion common sense to the curb.

Hope you find it soon, as you can no longer blame her for YOUR issues. It doesn't matter what she did, since you let her, but its about what you do now that counts.

This stinks. Valentines alone. My dumbbutt ga ve her a gift and a valentines card with a whole lot of feeling. She said thank you and teared up when she read it. We had a short kiss but then it was over and she told me that I'm better off without her. I'm lost without her.

Time to find yourself without her now.

I am so mad at myself and sad. On valenitines day come on guys. Her daughter was texting me and telling me her mommy left her with her 2 other kids and grandma and granpa are asleep. That her mommy told her she was coming back later on at night and that she was dressed up in a skirt and heels and a nice shirt. Come on she freaking told e she was going to her sisters. Why including today does she lie in my face that there's no one involved. Where else is she going to go on valentines at 8pm because her sister was at her house. Omg I'm so mad. This woman is a 28yr old with 3 kids and doesn't have the descensy to be honest. Y? I'm 25 with no kids and I can't seem to move on. What the hell is my problem

Dude, Valentines Day is created by Hallmark. Yes, I am a woman and I despise this day. It's a reason to spend money. Life, love and happiness occurs every day, not just once a year.

Y would a woman lie so bluntly in my face that there's no one around. Y can't I hate this woman or thing whatever the hell she is. Obviously she doesn't have feelings. Its clear cut that she had a date and left her kids. Y does she continue to say there's no one involved.

Geez dude, what do you expect from a female who uses men for sex? Now you know that such people exist, accept it, and the bullet you barely dodged. Just figure she had to replace you with somebody... anybody. Celebrate!!

I understand. But its hard when you fall deep in love with someone. I just hate people lying in my face. I mean if she tells me to move on and to back off that she's happier and don't want to be with me. Shot she even told me I talked her out of the whole having sex with me thing

If you keep staying in contact with her or getting updates about her, you're just going to prolong the pain and misery.

When you are ready to let go, then you need 1000% NC.

Every time you talk to her, you're going to reset all the progress you've made. Based on your posts, you have zero progress because you are constantly trying to communicate with her. So you're just going to keep on suffering.

When you're ready to let her go, know that the NC rules are there for you to help you heal from the break up.

So I keep calling her and finally she yells at me to back off and to stop calling and calls me a loser a pest and a piece of crap. I go to her house the next day and she says she looked for me because she was drinking and got horny and she felt comfortable with me. We make love again that morning but she says that right now she doesn't want a relationship but like to make love to me because of comfort. And then she says she won't stop going out. But would like to keep it simple. I told her no that I wasn't a sexual object.


I think you have to examine exactly what it was you were so in love with, as she seemed really clear what her feelings were. Yes its hard when we get rejected, and have to accept that things won't work, but all the feelings in the world cannot change all that, or stop the hurting. Maybe there is no one else, just her having fun doing her thing, but that's not the important part as I don't see her being more honest than she could be, but you not seeing that this will never work.

Nice rant though, and venting those feelings helps.

You've had one lucky escape.
Go no contact and stay no contact.
Take control of your own life and avoid her at all costs.

I am sorry about the breakup, but before you can move on you need to accept the reality of your situation. You broke up, it’s over. Let reality sink in. Don’t allow yourself to harbor secret fantasies of getting back together or how she’s going to come crawling back to you. Respect that this chapter of your life has closed and tell yourself that you’re going to have to get over it and move on. It didn’t work out and it probably wasn’t meant to be. Accept that fact and move on.

You need to realize that she’s making a fool out of you. She’s playing games with your heart. You need to go complete NC with her. Don’t talk to her at all - no text, no calls, no emails. Change your phone number then she can’t text!

If you really feel like you’re falling apart over all of this you should consider talking to a counselor. Gain back your life and self respect. You need to heal and get healthy again before you can find the real woman of your dreams.

Guys I really appreciate all of your suggestions. It gives me a bit of relief. And yes I am the type of person that has to express their feelings. Thank GOD I found this site. Really guys I am a very good person and nice yes I admit I do have my flaws but not to the extent this girl is treating. Its like she's a cold blooded person with no feeling for anything or anyone. I help people out with their problems and in general but this problem hit home which I need help for. I fell for this girl totally and loved her more than words can describe. She was my world my princess my all and I received this great disappointment. So please don't get mad if I express myself constantlybut I lost many of my friends and my social life due to this woman.

Never, ever, make another person your "world." ALWAYS keep a sense of identity and independence. All you will get out of making someone your "world" is loneliness and desperation.

We won't get mad at you for ranting and venting, as we have all had to learn the same life lessons you are learning now.

Sorry you have to go through the pain of learning the realities of life.

So ranting, and venting, is good, even crying! That's why they make beer, so guys have a place to hide their tears (JK?)

You'll be okay when the dust settles.

Friends I'm sorry to tell u but this woman just killed every bit of self esteem and every bit of happiness I had. I returned a ph call and she ended up acting like I was bothering her so she finally tells me she did meet someone that she is talking to since Friday and she did it because of the voicemail I forwarded and that she has moved on so I hang up and she calls back laughing saying that she is trying everything for me to stop cqalling her and again she ended up saying that she didn't meet anyone but that this is none of my biz. Fine guys tear me up. I guess I have no self dignity. I'm so low to the ground that it's a challenge for me to come back up. Honestly it has taken a toll on me physically as well I feel weak and just want to sleep it off. This has hurt me so much. How can she be so cruel to me when all I have down is pour my heart to her. How can I deserve that.

Again-go NO contact and stop calling,returning calls and getting text and whatever updates.
No contact,act as if you've dropped off the face of the Earth.
You need to seriously detox from this toxic mess.
You can only do that if you cut ALL contact-preferably yesterday!

Rebuild your selfesteem,get in touch with your friends,get your life back.

This has hurt me so much. How can she be so cruel to me when all I have done is pour my heart to her. How can I deserve that.
Well geez guy, you poured your heart out to the wrong person, as evidence by what she did to it.

It was like putting your hand in a gators mouth, and being surprised he bit it off.

Toot... toot...

All aboard the Pain Train!

Like Tal said, if you stick your hand in boiling water and expect not to be burnt, you're dense. Stop calling and stop answering her phone calls. Change your number if you have too

Oh gosh. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It feels like torture. I haven't called or txt this woman in one day. Lol. And it hurts. And she is probably having fun and relieved I don't contact her. Man how can women be so rough like this. I mean really how can they b so cold. Will she ever call or txt. I have read the book by george karanastasis m.d. how to get your ex back and it does talk about no contact it says u help yourself out abd eventually she will begin to wonder and her curiosity will b so much she will call u. I lost my thumb drive and lost the book so I can't get it back. Have to buy it againn.then he talks about limited contact. Limites adjuste contact. I'm confused

Look at all the choices you have! You can listen to the good doctor, or US!

You have a choice, so make a decision. Confusion comes when you can't decide what you want to do.

The way I see it.. If she can't communicate with you and be honest with you and continues to use you for her own desparation, forget her! Women like this are single and "available" for a reason.

Also, I know a lot of times things do happen, but, you said she has two kids by two different fathers? That speaks volumns to me. If she can't even stick out with her kids father, what makes you any different?

Don't let yourself be used. If you want to stay in contact with her, no one is going to stop you. But don't have sex. That's her power... If you take it away from her, she'll eventually get bored and leave... OR.. if she really does have feelings for you, the bond will strengthen. Who knows, maybe all the men in her life have treated her bad and this is her only way of acting around men.

Lucky you made a point I have failed to mention. This woman's past has been very bad. Her first child's father used to beat her up. She has told me that he put guns to her head and would tell her to never say anything about him selling drugs, she says she would have to bag drugs up and couldn't say no or he would beat her up. She has a samll ruptured vein in her beautiful legs where he kicked her once and said he also knocked a table down on her head. The next fatjher she found was also severely jealous and would control her ins and outs has slapped her and on occasions beat her up. She said he put her down and constantly told her no one would ever want her with 3 kids. I guess that was a challenge for her. Her dad had a chat with me about her a while back in which he says that she would never express her feelings and seemed when she was talked to it went in one ear and out the other. She got pregnant at 14 yrs old. She is 28. We went to a therapist and he told her that she is a person who needs to be loved and is something she wants at all cost that is the reason she is the way she is. She was molested by her bestfriends dad when she was a teen he fondled her and she ran out. But this woman can be destructive. Like she said she is happy being freen and no one will tell her when she can or can't go out.

Guys what is this ugly nasty feeling I feel in my chest every morning I wake up. It like tightens up. Like its teling me something is wrong. Withdrwals almost. Lol. It feels like depression and all out sadness. As soon as I wake up I think about her non stop. About why she doesn't call about who she might b with or doing. And this no contact suck and its just the second day.

Alex you should really consider professional help. This forum provides advice, support, and a reality slap but your issues may require a bit more personal examination. Think about it.

I have a counceling session next week. It just hurts to know this girl is an expert in making men fall in love with her. Just her tactics. She portrays her self to b kind nice and so sweet until her real self comes out. And to know this is the weekend she is kidless sucks. To think she will spend the night or the weekend with someone else. And also to know this Saturday I was supposed to go with her to a friends party that will be done big. Knowing she more than likely get wasted and all the guys she knows will be there. Uuuuugggghhhh. Remember she told me she had met someone she was talking to over the weekend but was nothing serious when we last spoke. 5 minutes laster she calls back laughing and being straight up evil. She said she told me that so I leave her alond due to the voicemail I sent her of a girl asking me to call her back. She said she wasn't talking or seeing someone else. But before she heard me sobbing and crying telling her how she could do that to me and asking y she lied in my face. It just sucks to remmember she once told me she used tactics to real me in like a fish. Such as using her mouth to pleasure me on severa, occasions which she can do all very well. And to think she is doing the same to same guy that more than likely will continue to come back for more. She's an expert at realing people in chewing them up and spitting them out.

We call that a succubus, you can't keep thinking about this stuff, it's going eat you alive. Join a gym, it's a great occupier of time

She's an expert at reeling people in chewing them up and spitting them out.
And you just keep going back for more!

I guess it comes down to how you want to be treated. Do you enjoy the feeling of being cheated on. Even though you've broken up with someone, you still feel that way. Do you enjoy knowing or thinking that she is with a different man every night?

It all comes down to what you want out of life. Do you think you deserve this type of treatment? Or do you think you deserve better? Are you the personality that clings to the person you date? Is every break up bad?

You need to do some heavy soul searching. You need to figure out if this is what you want out of life. Instead of crawling back to her like a beaten dog begging for a bone, move on with your life. Forget her. Her past boyfriends probably beat her up because she may have cheated on them. If she lived in the drug dealer world, then that is unexceptable and is punished by a fight. And quite honestly, her past gives her no excuse to treat people the way she does.

You're not going to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I think that's what your aiming at... Get out now before one day you wake up and find yourself in a situation that is less than ideal.

Your right lucky. I thought strongly that she may change the way she is. But as cold as this woman is she told me bluntly that I nor anyone else would change the way she is. She told me point blank that she did not have a desire to change how she is and if I wanted to I had to accept it. She says she likes the way she is because that way she doesn't get hurt. I can't believe I continue to love someone like that. It's a weird feeling

I can't believe she doesn't even think about me or call or even txt if I'm OK or what. Man I would think the big tattoo she has on her lower back with a japanese symbol of love would remind her of me but I guess not. She got 2 tattos telling me she got them to prove to me she was in love with me. She got my full name on her lower back with a love symbol. And she got my middle name on her ankle. She never ever had a tatto in her life and these were the first. I gues. She was in love with me once upon a time.

Tattoos are on the outside.

Its what's inside that counts. Sounds cliché. Awwww..

Let her get another one about how you moved on & let her go and decide where to put it.

This girl was trouble from the get go.

Oooo... tattos with your name.

When she gets older she can look at them and remember just how much of a _____ she was.

You fill in the blank.

Lmao. The last time she did this crap she said that she had gone to a place where they can laser remove her tatoos. I just smiled and told her "well there will alway be a permanent memory of u getting it for me" "and likely a scar from them" she just smiled back and said well your right but even then I will get them removed for me not to have them. Honestly guys this crap is hard this woman was beautiful and had a beautiful smile that can light up a room. Lol. I'm still so much in love with her.

Honestly guys this crap is hard this woman was beautiful and had a beautiful smile that can light up a room. Lol. I'm stil so much in love with her.

This line reminded me of a song I heard the other day.
It is directed at men, but I think the same can apply towards women like this:
"Once upon a time, there lived a boy, he would only play with real life toys, one hand here and one hand there, no attachments this man wears. A smile so sweet its hard to see that there's no fruit growing in his tree."

Her actions are anything but beautiful.

She may be seriously messed up by her childhood and past,in which case she may one day realise that she needs help.

You should detox yourself from your addiction to her.
Love doesn't equal pain and emotional abuse.

I have just finished reading this post and I totally agree with what has been said. Yes its hard and very possibly the most difficult thing you'll ever do but you need to let go and give yourself time to realise not all women are like her. All you're getting out of this is heatache. Is that what you want? The woman clearly has issues but you can't help someone who doesn't want your help. She's getting her kicks out of keeping you hanging while you get nothing except for occasional sex, on her terms, that in the end means nothing to her. Leave her alone, take some time to deal with your own problems and give yourself a chance to get over her, which you can't do whilst staying in contact with her, then you'll be able to find someone who loves and respects you for you and not just how good you are in the sack.

Omg. The job I do involves driving around like I told you earlier. Her house is on a subdivision I have to drive through often. Today I drover through and guess what. Her ex husbands truck is parked outside meaning he is inside with her. As I was driving back I see both of them walking out and her putting I guess one of their kids inside the truck and he saw me and got a little closer to her rear. So I stopped briefly a couple of houses down to do my job and I know she saw me and I guess both of them constantly looked my way more her. If you could just feel what I felt at that moment. Is like my heart was pounding so heart and the sadness rushed through my body. So I just drove off and didn't call or text her to argue like I would normally do. I feel so freaking sad and stressed. I guess she switched around and told him she only wanted some from him and no one else.

Omg. The job I do involves driving around like I told ya earlier. Her house is on a subdivision I have to drive thru often. Today I drover through and guess what. Her ex husbands truck is parked outside meaning he is inside with her. As I was driving back I see both of them walking out and her putting I guess one of their kids inside the truck and he saw me and got a little closer to her rear. So I stopped briefly a couple of houses down to do my job and I know she saw me and I guess both of them constantly looked my way more her. If ya could just feel what I felt at that moment. Is like my heart was pounding so heart and the sadness rushed through my body. So I just drove off and didn't call or txt her to argue like I would normally do. I feel so freaking sad and stressed. I guess she switched around and told him she only wanted some from him and noone else.

Great job not contacting her and just driving off! Shows you are moving past this better and better.

I guess so. But there's no way of taking thr pain away from what I went through although its uncertain if they were doing anything but if he was just picking her kids up then he would have stayed outside. No respect for her parents home. Like I said before she is 28 has 3 kids with 2 babby daddys and lives at home with her parents and on her sons is extremely autistic borderline retarded and she still acts this way. Shoot and the fact that I accepted her with all d baggage and stufff. I wish I can find me the one girl who really wants to be loved.

You will,but first you need to heal from this messy breakup.

And you will get over it,with time and patience and by regaining your selfrespect.

Keep up the no contact,that will work wonders.

HELP. I HAVE NOT CONTACTED MY EX SINCE MONDAY. READ ABOVE ALSO. SHE JUST TX ME THE FOLLOWING. "Look I need my pink shoes n I know u kept them. Can u just give them back... u can keep the ones u bought". Remember I said she just got her income tax about 10000 dollars for her 3 kids. She has also stated she has been buying herself a lot of clothes and has been treating herself. And the last time I was at her house she had new shoes and new red pumps. WHAT SHOULD I DO.

Nc

Gather all her possesions, and give her everything. I don't care what it is, or how you feel about it.

But I'm trying to stay NC.

But I'm trying to stay NC.

Mail it?

She just text me again the following. "I know u got my msg.. just drop off the shoes at my door " what am I supposed to do. Honestly I call her bluff on her needing her old shoes back as much money as she got right no. I know she can buy some new and better shoes. I haven't responded. What should I do. It hurts a lot because I still love her. But I'm confused if she really wants her shoes since she says to leave them at her door or if she just wants to hear from me or see me.

Have a friend drop all her stuff off. Whatever, as long as you don't have contact.

Get her off your back once & for all.

Boy, she really wants those shoes bad, huh?

She doesn't want you! Or the shoes really. She wants to push your buttons, wear you down, make you miserable, and confused. By keeping her stuff, she has a reason to keep punking you out.

What besides shoes are you holding on too?? What else can she use as an excuse to dangle you by her strings??

Honestly, I thought you were smart enough to take her everything she could ask for during your last visit for returning her board games.

Your NC can start after you have purged yourself of everything that's her.

Or if you have the cojonies to ignore her, and keep your cool... Naw bad idea, that would take some BALL!!

GIVE HER ALL HER STUFF BACK!! What the freak are you going to do with her funky azz shoes??

Well I know it's a bunch of bull @#$! About her shoes. I just want to do it the right way where she feels stupid for doing the crap she did to me. I want her to suffer with me not responding to her and ignoring her but eventually I will have her come to my apt on my terms to pick her sh##$% up. I really didn't mean to keep her cheap stripper shoes. Lol. I moved to my new apt and they cam along in a bag. Funny thing is that I been there 2 months and all of a sudden she wants her shoes back. And demanding like she really needs them

Whatever stuff of hers you still have you either post to her or have a friend drop off.

Don't buy into her stupid mindgames.

That's what you get for getting w/ a girl like that.

How does it feel?

There's no revenge. Just you skating away as if she doesn't exist.

Ok guys its my fault and I'm so so hurt right now. She came over to pick her stupid shoes up saying the shoes were a perfect match with the outfit she's wearing for her friends party tomorrow. 80s theme. We made out a lot and she kept saying its not right its not right. I asked her if she was talking to someone and she finally said yes she was but it wasn't like that. I asked her if he was going with her she said she think so that she will take him to the party. So she left. I'm so torn its not even a month yet and she's doing this what a hore

>Harshness Warning<

That you would trade a pair of shoes for your balls, is exactly why your in this mess. Any self respecting male would have been long gone.

Put lipstick on a pig, its still a pig. While its not your fault for falling for this female, its your fault for staying and being ........................used, and abused.

Honestly how can someone be so freaking quik to move on like that. Man this is eating me up. You know I don't even know what to believe. Because she called a little after she left and I asked her if she had really met someone and she said "oh yea that's why I am home right now" so I was like if you did its OK I'm happy for u. So when she saw that I was OK she quickly changed it up to saying alex its none of your business if I did. So what I'm alos thinking because she mentioned the other girls voicemail oer and over saying that of course she was going to search because the voicemail got to her because she still loved me. But then she goes back into defensive mode

I would advice you to decide whether you're going to allow yourself to stay stuck in this toxic mess or if you are actually willing to try to move on and get your life back.

Where is your selfrespect?
She treated you like rubbish,she's still doing it and you are letting her.

NC and never speak to her again.
Period.

I know its only been 11 days dude, but you keep running head first into that brick wall and making yourself available for BS, that comes with her pushing your buttons, and you reacting. Until you accept its over, or at least act like you do, and stop this silly back and forth, and get you some business of your own, you will continue to appear quite pathetic, and keep being messed with.

Your problem sadly my friend, is you have not committed to NC, and gotten stuck in this emotional merry go round, that has only furthered your misery.

No Contact my friend, at all, and no more excuses either!!

This saga/drama would be a great 'sticky' for what NOT to do when you break up.

Well I continue to hurt myself knowing I shouldn't. I don't understand why I'm so weak. After a few days of no contact I asked her how she was doing and hello she said fine. So I asked her out she told me to pick her up for breakfast. So I do it. As I get there she asks me inside. So she shows me a pic of the party her and her so called new guy friend which she says its only a friend nothing like that. Dude is not even good looking. So after speking for a few minutes she goes back to the past of how we treated each other then to the voicemails of a friend of mine saying she knows there's someone else. So she start getting angry and kind of crying. So she pushes me out and tells me to leave. 15 minutes later she calls me and tells me if I can go back please. So I go and she asks me to lay down with her because she had just got off work. So I do and we end up having sex. I lay for a while and leave. She calls me a few hours later asking me if I was going to have lunch with her I told her no. So we talk and she ends up telling me that she missed my company and she really didn't want to have sex but it happened and she enjoyed it but she doesn't think she wanted to reconciliate. Then she goes on to tell me she has plans to Rodeo Houston for the next twoo weeks. So I hang up and she didn't cal back. She said she wasn't going with any guy. Whatever. I'm so tired of being weak minded.

You realise that you are doing this to yourself,don't you? I wish I could figure out why.

But its your life so you are going to have to do that yourself.
One day hopefully you'll wake up and smell the coffee.

I hope you managed to return the precious shoes.
.

You poor guy, you are so clouded in self pity you can't even see that being normal and clear minded is what you need.

This has nothing to do with being week, but everything to do with getting stronger.

But to your benefit, most of us make those mistakes through inexperience, and not paying attention, we miss the point of what we are supposed to do, and make impulsive decisions based on feelings and not facts, and they bite us in the butt.



After a few days of no contact........ I asked her out


You broke the first rule of NC. Everything that happens after that was so avoidable. So keep it simple and get with the NC! Loose the self pity, that will keep you weak.

You made a mistake, now prove to yourself you can learn, and do better.

Lmao. Yea. If u read the previous thread u will see. She picked up her stupid shoes and she really meant it was her stupid shoes nothing more that day. But anyway I'm not an ugly guy actually there two other girls that want to date me but I really don't like them there not my type. But man the guy that was on that pic was not even flattering at all. I asked her why she chose something like that and her response continued to be that's just a friend. We only hung out twice nothing more. But he's the one she's trying to get me jealous with. I didn't even ask her to show me that stupid pic and she said u know u wanted to see.

Listen. I don't know If this has to do with anxiety. I ve had anxiety and anxiety attacks before. I suffered from depression at the age of 18 I'm 25 now I guess that came because I got married and had a child with my first ex. I think I'm experiencing a bit of depression now since I go out to try to do things and I don't find happiness its like I'm blinded. I don't see the joy of the sun and the thingsw around me. I live in Houston,tx which is a huge city to meet people and have fun but since she hasn't been in the pic I don't see happiness. My days off are Tuesday and Wednesday and I find them boring without anything to do. I can't even find a hobby I like or am good at. What to do!!

I read many posts like yours every day, and the recurring theme is you get so caught up in your own feelings, that you fail to see that your actions are based on temporary feelings, and your so distracted by them, you act impulsively. To make it worse, you keep letting your ego beat you up, and you miss doing what your supposed to do for yourself.

Right now your so stuck on a stupid picture, of a stupid guy, you are missing the bigger one. You allowed your feelings to take you to a losing situation, and when you lost, it stings.

You keep repeating your mistakes, and will do so unless you make some adjustments to your own thinking.

The details you keep worrying about are totally irrelevant, to the bigger picture, which is all about you.



I'm not an ugly guy actually there two other girls that want to date me but I really don't like them there not my type.

How would you know when you haven't taken the time to find out what type of person they are? Your too stuck on some female that would rather jump your bones, than return your feelings that you have for her.

Are we seeing a pattern in your thinking that needs some, to put it mildly, some work? Or is it truly that all you want, is to be the booty call of a selfish female with issues?

Your whole idea of love and relationships is pretty screwed up.


I find them boring without anything to do. I can't even find a hobby I like or am good at. What to do!!
Get some help for your depression by a doctor, and start planning what to do with your free times by, making a plan of the things you like to do, and start actually doing them.

I have been to Houston many times, and its hardly boring by any means, so you need an attitude adjustment, so talk to your doctor. That would be a start to addressing your issues.

I think since you have been here, one good suggestion was read the stickies for this forum.

Seeing your doctor is a must if you think you're depressed.

Finding hobbies and things to do is also vital,as is being around people and doing stuff that makes you feel good.

As for Houston,I have a second cousin who married a Texan, and she loves the city and its people,so I am sure you're living in a great place.

This is a real question. I know my experience is pretty screwed up. Honestly the counselor me and her were seeing said it can be a great book. There's a lot more of this story missing I would have to write. Does anyone know the steps in publishing a book. And how to get the help. Btw as far as anxiety I have become paranoid in taking medicine so I think a dr wouldn't help much since all they want to do is give pills.

Are you already writing a journal for yourself?
That' would be a good idea-and it'd give you something to read in a (hopefully) couple of weeks/months time and think how much you have then moved on.

As for publishing books,Google it.

And how to get the help. Btw as far as anxiety I have become paranoid in taking medicine so I think a Dr wouldn't help much since all they want to do is give pills.
So you can't get help because your paranoid? What a paradox, and free based on presumption since you don't know what he will recommend. If it helps, what's the problem with swallowing the help, reading it, OR SUFFERING FROM IT.

The goal is to stop the suffering isn't it?

"its like I'm blinded. I don't see the joy of the sun and the thingsw around me. "

Start there.

Oh my gosh. This is like looking into a mirror for me! Different experiences, but same issue.

Yes she has treared you disrespectfully but you are allowing it because you are not removing yourself from the situation. You are basing yourself worth on what she gives you and looking to her to know you are 'ok' and she is knocking you down. Ultimately, abuse is the abusers fault, BUT being abused becomes our fault if we don not learn from it!

Also, you said the other girls 'are not your type'... MAJOR RED FLAG! So this woman that disrespects you is your type? WHY? As creatures of habit we are attracted to people/situations that confirm what WE think of ourselves! EVEN if it is negative. Its like you think so badly of yourself (for whatever reasons in your past,. maybe parental relationships etc) that you find women who reflect how you feel... you mistake those feelings of comfort for love. It is not love. It is damaging to you. PLEASE go to therapy.

I did exactly the same as you. Allowed myself to be torn down to nothing. I ended up acting horribly and was ultimately ashamed, angry and embarrassed with myself. This further lowered myself esteem and allowed me to be treated badly by people.

DELETE HER! Continue therapy. Take pills if you need to for a while, they can also be very helpful

Yeah, you need to get in touch.

Why you fall for and continue with people like that.

Understand the difference between sex and a partner.

That's a lot of peoples issues. Getting confused. With words, hot times, being used & not realizing why.

The thing to understand is that you don't NEED a girl to be happy.

Like you said you didn't even recognize how amazing the sun is. Whoa...

Take this as a killer lesson. Get right & don't let it happen again.

Done and done.

Racquel thanks. D therapist told me that I try to hold on to things badly because of what I have been through as a child. First off I had no father and when I did meet him 4 yrs ago he said he wasn't ready to meet me. My childhood sucked and this woman has tore me up and places myself esteem to the ground. I see no happiness in other people but the one female who has caused me grief. I have a great career which I can't say. But due to this woman's jealousy in all aspects including financially I ended up in jail 2 yrs ago in which I had to fight it because the state would drop charges. She said I had slapped her and punched her after we had a heated argument because of her jealousy. I never did anything with my children's mother but she always accused me. So after the argument for her to leave me alone I told her I slept with my ex. A few hours later police were at her apt taking a rpt for domestic violence which I didn't do. She finally admitted to the DA that it was false and she did it out of anger. They wouldn't drop charges because they didn't believe her. After spending 1200 bucks on a lie detector tes which I passed they dropped the charges. Once again I will reiterate I have a great career being 25yrs old that I could have lost due to unfounded accusations.

Well.

You are a big boy. You've already felt the repercussions from this person.
When I say person, Im putting it lightly. Allowed her to put you in jail?

It takes two.

As far as your parents goes. I say yes. Start understanding why. Start listening. Why you are living this? Who are you? You are more worried about your screwed up story you chuckle with your shrink, then really listening, and acting. Actually writing the next chapter, a good one.

You say you have a great career. Focus on that.

My father died when I was 7. Yup. That has bearing on who I am, for sure.
But Im not doing this.

The point is you have the ability to rise above all of this mess. Im starting to think that she's not the only bad guy here.

When I say bad. I mean not taking responsibility & control of their life.

Do we will have to preform another lie detector test on you?

Well I have been honest with this female throughout the relationship she just took advantage of my kindness. She has been used to doing this to men and was the next on her list I have never laid hands on her first because I love her and second because her exes used to beat her ujp and control her. She even told me that after we broke up she loves the freedom because she has never experienced it and loves the attention she is receiving. Yet if I was a bad person I don't think she would be calling me over to her house. She tells me she still loves me and misses me. She.said she misses my company. I don't understand how people can act this way. You would have to be in the same position I'm in with the same feelings to kind of understand. Yes I know I'm in the wrong for putting up with it but I try and this daaam feeling comes up that I miss her and want to see her. And she seems like she misses me to but is like she doesn't want to losea losing battle.

Update!! Today was a day of surprise and disappointment. I had to pass by this "things" house this morning only to run into the surprise of seeing a dudes car at this "things" house. I confronted her only for her to tell me that yes she had a guy sleep there and for me to stop trying. I notice what appeared to be a hickie on her chest. So I in anger called this "things" dad and just told him everything and how she is disrepecting his house since she had moved back in with her parents. The dad was surprised and upset that the "thing" was disrespecting their home while they were out of town for the weekend. After a while the "thing" sends me a text with a picture of the tattoos she had first got when we were together which were my full name and middle name on her lower back and ankle. The tatoos were covered up. She went to get them covered up and now they are big o tattos. The pics said, I told u we were done so here's the proof I have moved on. I can't believe this shi-- just last Tuesday she had called me over to make love and now 3 days later she has some dude spend the night at her parents house to "duh" have sex. What kind of woman is this. She couldn't even respect enough not even herself to at least have this dude spend money on a "whoretel" instead it seem like she was extremely comfortable with this dude to bring "him" home like she had the guy role of bringing the female home for the night. This break up has only been a month so all these actions just make me think that either she was cheating with someone during the rship or with this guy for a while. . How do I block all these thougths and feelings for this evil azz thing.

You make your mind up to go no contact and s t a y NO contact!

You just aren't getting it are you? What part of leaving her alone is it that's just so hard?

No matter what she has does, or says, who are you, to stick your nose in it? Had you been doing what your supposed to be doing, which is leaving her alone, maybe you would have kept NC, and gotten you a life.

You have to know how silly, stupid, and immature your actions are at this point, and should be ashamed of them.

She is probably laughing her azz off at you, as you have proved why she dumped your azz, with your idiotic behavior.

That takes gall to tell her daddy on her. I just can't believe you have allowed yourself to sink so low. I think this shows your true character, which is lacking obviously, than hers.

You know your right. At that point I was just so pissed off. Its just the fact that 3 days earlier she was having sex with me. Even the previous morning she had told me that she knew we would be going out on dates with me and what pissed her off was that I told her I was moving out of my apt and that I had picked up my other car from my ex which at that point she's like. Ok fine you know what this is pointless don't call or text me any more goodbye. She got pissed because I was moving out. I think she believes I'm moving back in with my kids mom. So when she came out and told me another dude was there I got pissed because how can a woman stoop so low and bring someone home and tell the other she still wants himm. YOUR RIGHT THOUGH. NO CONTACT SHOULD BE ESTABLISHED. BY NOW I REALLY WHAT SHE'S ABOUT. SO I WILL REALLY START AGAIN TODAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS. SO PLEASE KEEP ME IN THOGUHTS AND HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS SH€€T

You know you have our support-just stick to it.

It's hard,but it works and you can do it.

Good luck.

Stay NC & far away from this user.
She is manipulating you and you keep letting her.

If you start listening and doing the right thing, she will never hurt you again, only someone else.

Your just going round the old track again and again... STOP DOING IT TO YOURSELF.

Everyone on this board is continuelly going over the same ground, telling you the same thing, but you are not listening.

What part of... LEAVE HER ALONE IS NOT CONNECTING!!

That means NO CONTACT.. NO TEXTING, NO WHEN OUT ON YOUR DAILY BUSINNESS SEEING WHO HAPPENS TO BE PARKED AT HER HOUSE...

You are detemined to keep yourself in this state of anxiety over a relationship that has well and truly finished.

Yes, we all fall in love, sometimes we get dumped on,but that's life, eventually we come to terms with it, it takes a while and the road is sometimes very painful but eventually we come through the other side and have learned many things from it.

I can warn you off this women like everyone else, but this has been over done to the extreme, now it's up to you to get a grip on your life and look forward instead of wallowing in the past.

There are many lovely people out there, with out the hang ups that this woman has, who will treat you with the love and respect that you are so crying out for, you do not have to put up with second best.

For your own peace of mind leave her alone and move on.

Nice one. But when will you actually listen & act on it?
Are you getting it?

Don't confuse things, Sex is one thing. Pain is another.

I purchased a book at barnes and noble called obsessive lover when its too hard to let go. It basically describes me as an obsessive lover. Anyone know how to overcome this and what type of help I need. For some daaam reason this woman pops up in my head so much. I dreamed of her last night that she was so jealous she told me she loved me and that she was sorry. This feeling sucks.

I can't diagnose you over the internet,but address this in your therapy.

Remember,NC!

Guys its been almost 2 weeks since I stopped calling and txting this chick. The last time she called me we met up twice and within those to times this chick talked about this dude and how cool he is and that he respects her and hasn't got in her panties yet. "Yeah right" but man it feels hard I miss her so much I wish she could call and we can work some things out. I loved her very much. At points feeling come rushing and it feels like I want to look for her and get her back like the old days. It is beautiful out here in houston the sun is shining bright and all I can remember is all the fun crap we used to do during the summers. We took trips and enjoyed ourselved and now summertime is coming and she won't b around. I know you are going to say there's many women out there. But at this moment in time there is only one woman that I love and I can't have.


And I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely without her. I miss her much. I don't know how else to get her off my mind. I've been out on dates with this on girl but I don't find her appealing. May be because this other girl was a looker. I hang out with my friends and family but the emptyness is still there. What else can I do

What else can I do

Re-read this thread and look at everyone's advice!

Almost two weeks is good,well done!

So now you have moved on to the stage where you can mourn the death of the relationship,and that's normal.

It will become easier,as the days pass.

Its been a rough two weeks for sure, and frankly it gets rougher, until you get to a point enough time, and feelings have passed, to make you feel you have turned the corner on actually coping with those feelings, and seeing a difference.

So be patient with yourself, this is normal in the process because your recognizing how hard it is, and how much work it is on your part. Don't be discouraged, and quit, then you have to start over, just hang in there, and keep going.

Fair warning though, trying to replace the hole in your soul with someone else will not work! Looking for what she made you feel is not going to work!

But if you just make friends to share good times with, male or female, you may be surprised to see that you feel better and paying attention in a friendly way, helps with that loneliness.

It's a long, slow, hard process, so expect to have a tough time, and just stay busy. Its like being down 10 points at halftime of a basketball game, you have to make adjustments to your game that give you the best chance to win, so make some adjustments that keep you focused on getting the life you want back, without her in it.