My girlfriend has hinted at this before several times and after I got at her yesterday about something that was bugging me about her she replied saying how there's something not right about me either.

She went on to pretty much accuse me of having relations with a guy friend and that she'd talked to her parents about it many times and told me of how her dad was going to pull myself and my buddy aside, sit us down and confront us about 'what has gone on'

I was completely shocked on the phone!

Has this ever happened to any of you before?

Her basis is this, Ive been friends with this guy for about 4 years and as with other friends, the drift in and out of your life. We hung out same as I did with my other friends, play video games, workout, went to bars to see comedy shows etc and gigs with other people we were friends with from the city. We live in a small town and there's nothing to do at all, so as like everybody in our town, they usually go out in the city at the weekend. So on weekday evenings, we'd go workout, or he'd come round my house and play playstation 3 or whatever. Now during the summer months its light here until about 10:30- 11pm and we'd be playing playstation or whatever and would get bored and sick of being in the house. There's a large public park near by with a river running through and a campsite etc. It's a common place for young people and families to hang out. Anyway so many times we'd go down there in the evening with a nerf football and throw it around, often we'd go pick up another friend or two and we'd go drive around in the car or something, anything to pass the time.

Now my buddy started getting more serious with his girlfriend and started seeing her a lot more often, he also started graduate school which took his time up a lot more and we slowly stopped hanging out as much anymore then recently over the last couple of months Ive not really been in contact with him or any of my other friends. Ive been putting so much time into my music and other then working out a few times a week, I've become a bit of a recluse other than seeing my girlfriend.

Now I hadn't seen my buddy for about a month or so then bumped into him at the gym. I tell my girlfriend the next day, 'hey guess who I saw' and she went really funny on me and expressed how she thought it was odd that we'd hung out loads then not anymore. She thinks that guys shouldn't hang round together as much as that and throw nerf footballs around at parks in the evening. She told me to just tell her what was going on. I honestly couldn't keep a straight face because she was so serious and it was ludacris. This pissed her off and she said she didn't believe me.

Now over the past couple of months she's kept putting in a few little digs here and there about it.

So last night I picked fault with her over something she did at the weekend. We were out for my mums retirement bash and a few people there picked on me over something I said, so as always not afraid to open my mouth, I defended myself. It made a little bit of a scene and embarrassed my girlfriend. She thinks I'm not well behaved in social situations and was annoyed at me, I wasn't very happy about that so brough it up with her and then she lays all this 'gay' stuff on me.

She said her dad thinks Im using her as a 'cover up' because I don't want to come out the closet.

At first I was laughing but after she kept shouting at me on the phone telling me to 'come clean' I got very annoyed!

Im not having somebody disrespect me like that. Ive never cheated on anybody in my life, let alone with a guy!

I lost my cool and shouted back asking her what the hell her problem was etc and she said she hasn't believed me in a long while and wants to go on a break.

I went to bed last night and I woke up this morning thinking, what the hell happened?

Can anybody bring clarity to this situation?

Sorry for the long post and thanks

Several issues here:

1) If you're comfortable with your sexuality, then you shouldn't be worried about her comments about you and your buddy. If you're unsure, then you need to figure that out about yourself.

2) Sounds like your girlfriend is having insecurity issues. I doubt her accusations stem from your interactions with your buddy. It seems like it's something deeper. Find out the roots of her insecurities.

3) As for her parents, they are mostly likely influenced by her biased opinion about you. On the other hand, maybe her parents are the root of her insecurities. Maybe her parents are the ones who had a past experience that is affecting their train of thought. Again, this needs some clarification through honest and open communication.

4) As for your retaliation issue. You need to learn to keep your cool. If you're comfortable with yourself, then there's no reason to lash out.

I doubt that she's personally accusing you of things, she must have a reason behind it. You need to be patient with her and sort out the origins.

I Wish, I agreed with you up until the last point. If I were him, I'd be lashing out too. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and I hang out with the guys a lot too. I have had the same gym partner for 2 years. If my girlfriend and her parents were talking about me being "gay" behind my back and then started shouting at me to come clean. I'd be ticked off!

To the OP, honestly if this girl is going to react like that and not believe you about something this serious, do you really want her in your life?

Im completely comfortable, I guess losing my cool could make me appear guilty.

She stated certain points that made her suspicious such as. When we went out for my birthday, I was a little drunk and my buddy gave her and myself a lift home. As we got out the car she leaned across and gave me a kiss. He laughed and shook his head. As a joke I put my hand on his leg and said something like, don't worry, you'll get one next time. We all laughed then got out the car.

So that's one thing she brought up.

We've been dating about a year and a half, if I was going to cheat on her, I would have done it before now.

Now she's been cheated on before several times by the same guy. This probably has some impact on it. She also from what I've seen and heard has a terrible relationship with her father. He's nice to her one minute and an hole the next. For example, he's quite happy to let her walk a 25 walk home from work at midnight by herself. Then the next minute he's shouting at her because she says she'll be all right to walk home when he's offered her a lift. Truly odd.

Now I've heard and seen before, especially since my girlfriend says it a lot. 'the people accusing are usually the ones who are up to something'

She's accusing me of being gay or cheating on her with a guy. Simply because I can't explain why I hung out at the park with him and now I don't really contact him.

Another thing is, my girlfriend lives with 5 other idiots during the week days while she's at school and comes home on the weekends. She has a truly terrible time there because they people she lives with are inconsiderate idiots, party every night and take drugs. She barely gets any sleep because of the noise, doesn't really have consistent friends there and the people she lives with don't treat her great. She comes home on the weekends feeling tired and under the weather. She comes over to my house and stays and generally is half asleep on the sofa. She usually looks terrible and because her body is in poor condition she catches colds and illness so easy. I don't mind though, I look after her and always care for her.

Many times now she's told me her parents have pulled her aside and asked her what's going on because she doesn't look happy. I don't really think she mentions the school stuff because when she tells her parents about it, they say she's being 'soft' and to 'suck it up'. So her parents seem to think its me making her unhappy. Couple this with the fact that they think Im gay, they're advising her to be 'careful' staying with me.

I feel like Im really being dumped on and I don't know where to start.

My girlfriend said she'd call me when she's cooled off and ready to talk, so I'll speak to her whenever that is. We were supposed to be going out to eat Saturday evening for a valentines dinner.

She said on the phone last night she's been unhappy about all this stuff for a while. I asked her why she hasn't brought it up properly and she said she's just been trying to deal with it.

I got bigger problems then that though. Since she always seems to be ill, she never really feels like having sex. I accept that no means no and I've always had a quite high sex drive, well if you can call it high, sex twice a week would do just fine. Since I started working out harder, heavier weights, it sent my drive through the roof! Ive been pulling it nearly everyday and the skin down there has started to get really tender. Now we have some lube and last week I started using that so my hand wasn't so dry, it helped a lot. Now id left it out in the bathroom that morning. She came over on the evening and found it in the bathroom and confronted me. I explained Ive been wanking a lot recently and its really making the foreskin sore so I used the lube and its helped a lot. She said she didn't believe me and pretty much hinted I'd been with somebody else.

I reassursed her and stayed calm. Other than that she said she just wouldn't believe me. The next morning I tried to have sex with her and she said she wasn't feeling up to it again. I took a shower and couldn't help but wank in the shower. I came out and she said, you were in there for a long time, you had a wank again didn't you. I said yeah. She said its OK, I don't mind.

When we spoke on the phone last night, she shouted at me about that too. She said Im wanking all the time and ask her to have sex when she's not feeling very well, she said she almost told me to go and have sex with somebody else because sex is all I seem bothered about.

This annoyed me too. Hello? She's soon forgetting that I look after her, confort her every weekend when she comes over feeling terrible from a week of poor meals and no sleep. She also has IBS and her stomach swells pretty much on a daily basis and gives her incredible pain. All I do is comfort her, cuddle her, show her love and she pretty much can't do much because she has a pain and feels poor. Yet she manages to go out once a week to a club when her best friend asks her to go.

Like what's going on here?

Im certainly not gay.
I certainly haven't cheated on her with my buddy.
I certainly haven't cheated on her with anybody.

Even if I never got sex ever again, I wouldn't cheat on her.

Ive never been able to break up with anybody. I can't physically reject another human being. Ive always believed you fight for love until the death. My grandparents have been together for over 60 years and have been through ups and downs but they're still together.

She's been speculating about me for the past couple of months and she's given me up this easy?

Its annoyed me and I feel like saying until you can respect me, forget it.

If anyone who didn't know my friends and I, they would think we were "Gay" we make the same jokes as you and your buddy. We actually have something called the "gay chicken" where you sit next to someone at a party and as a joke you slap their thigh and pull your hand up. It's funny and everything but if you didn't know it was a joke you would look further into it

I Wish, I agreed with you up until the last point. If I were him, I'd be lashing out too. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and I hang out with the guys a lot too. I have had the same gym partner for 2 years. If my girlfriend and her parents were talking about me being "gay" behind my back and then started shouting at me to come clean. I'd be ticked off!

To the OP, honestly if this girl is going to react like that and not believe you about something this serious, do you really want her in your life?

Honestly, its ticked me off a lot.

Ive been sitting boiling up today.

When I go to her house, they're so nice and friendly to my face. Then I find out behind my back they're talking trash about me.

It's a good job I haven't told my mum about any of this, otherwise she probably wouldn't be allowed back in our house, or if she was there woulld be an air.

Ive never heard of anybody being in a situation like this.

One minute they're saying how much of a nice guy I am, then the next I'm being slandered.

Ive always been a really soft guy and just take the wrap for things even when Im not at fault. Mainly just to save argument and all the fuss. I don't feel like I can do that with this.

I don't look gay, or what society deems gay looking. Im pretty scruffy looking during the week unless we have to go out somewhere. You know, gym clothes, messy hair, heavy stubble etc. I do however write songs, I write a lot of ballads simply because I like them. I think they think this is a bit 'sissy' as many people have put it. Ive often been laughed at for writing songs by people but whatever, its fine.

I expect it from some people, but not from my girlfriend and her family.

After she told me on the phone about her parents saying that, I said you and your family are crazy. She didn't like that and hung up haha.

Now we're on a break through no choice of my own because from what I can understand. She's cronically uphappy in her situation and somehow I'm getting blame for this and her and her parents think I'm gay with one of my good buddies and she is a cover up girlfriend.

Im going to go to the gym this evening and workout because sitting her stressing is not helping.

Thanks

Dude you sound exactly like me, I write songs and I also am a very good writer. I can watch those "chick flicks" too. I'm just comfortable with who I am as a person. I've never had my own girlfriend accuse me of being gay though

If anyone who didn't know my friends and I, they would think we were "Gay" we make the same jokes as you and your buddy. We actually have something called the "gay chicken" where you sit next to someone at a party and as a joke you slap their thigh and pull your hand up. It's funny and everything but if you didn't know it was a joke you would look further into it

Oh gotcha, so perhaps I was wrong to do that?

Ive known the girl since about may 2008 and we started dating around late August 2008. She met the guy many times during that time and I've been friends with him since then. She's never said anything about it all year until about November. Her arguments are;

I hung out at the park late
Worked out together
Did that joke with my hand on his leg
I went into a bit of a depression around late summer this year after graduating and feeling a bit lost. This was around the time I stopped really contacting any of my friends and became a bit of a recluse. I also stopped contacting him and of course, I stopped really bothering with me because I wasn't interested much in leaving the house.

She interpret this as me and him having a 'fling' and we don't talk now because its over haha.

It's definitely fustrating with so much inconsistency around you. Furthermore, it's even more fustrating when you're being accused of something that isn't true. Finally, nor matter how hard you try to set the record straight, she doesn't believe you.

You can't control what's going on in her mind. You can only control your own actions. If you feel like you're going to boil over, then take a time out. Cool off before you revisit your situation. You need to keep your cool as much as possible in these types of situations. You're right, if you start acting up, then you're the one who looks guilty.

Stay calm and collected when you're discussing these issues with your girlfriend, otherwise, stay away from her until you've calmed down.

It's definitely fustrating with so much inconsistency around you. Furthermore, it's even more fustrating when you're being accused of something that isn't true. Finally, nor matter how hard you try to set the record straight, she doesn't believe you.

You can't control what's going on in her mind. You can only control your own actions. If you feel like you're going to boil over, then take a time out. Cool off before you revisit your situation. You need to keep your cool as much as possible in these types of situations. You're right, if you start acting up, then you're the one who looks guilty.

Stay calm and collected when you're discussing these issues with your gf, otherwise, stay away from her until you've calmed down.

Ive stayed cool for the most part but I couldn't help myself on the phone last night.

It seems like she only brought it up because I picked fault with her. She has a terrible tempriment and blows up easily. Many conversations have started with her questioning me on something and its ended with her shouting at me as if I was accusing her.

When she first asked me, I stayed calm, didn't say a great deal about it and just suggested she was way off. She wasn't happy about that and asked why I didn't deny it, why I didn't tell her Id never do anything like that, etc. I thought pleeding like this would make it worse!

Either way, she's called for a break now so Ive no need to get flustered anymore.

She told me to call her on Saturday to talk and I rejected it and told her to call me, so she agreed. Im not the one with the issue so why should I chase her.

You have a very insecure and sensitive female friend, and to be honest seems good at finding fault, any fault, to justify that insecurity. That she has convinced her parents that her fears are real is a big red flag, that she is capable of manipulating things to justify her actions, and reactions.

That's frustrating, and confusing to you, simply because no way do you understand where she is coming from.

She has issues that you haven't noticed before, meaning making a mountain out of a mole hill and finding excuses to blast you for even the most innocent things she has no understanding of.

I am sure if you pay attention you will see other red flags that will give you insights into her thinking, which, far warning is what she sees as fact, without any facts, if that makes sense, but what does is, she acts on those impulses without thinking or knowing the real truth.

Get mad all you want, that may be the only defense you know that gets her off your butt, but that's short term and doesn't solve the problem.

Her real problem is she will never take responsibility for her actions and just to see if I'm right, never apologizes, or admits she could be wrong either.

Its hard to put up with narrow minded people who can only see their own thinking, and leave no room for new ideas, or compromise. But to be fair, this has a lot to do with how much you put up with.

I don't put up with romantic partners who cannot, or will not be able to trust. Since I think she cannot connect you with another female friend, or just female acquaintance, and she is paranoid about being cheated on, then of course it follows you must be gay.

What other explanation could there be when you start with the premise you will cheat, but she only sees you with the guys?

Deranged, but stay cool, and back away, because you can't help her with her issues, no matter what you do.

You have a very insecure and sensitive female friend, and to be honest seems good at finding fault, any fault, to justify that insecurity. That she has convinced her parents that her fears are real is a big red flag, that she is capable of manipulating things to justify her actions, and reactions.

Thats frustrating, and confusing to you, simply because no way do you understand where she is coming from.

She has issues that you haven't noticed before, meaning making a mountain out of a mole hill and finding excuses to blast you for even the most innocent things she has no understanding of.

I am sure if you pay attention you will see other red flags that will give you insights into her thinking, which, far warning is what she sees as fact, without any facts, if that makes sense, but what does is, she acts on those impulses without thinking or knowing the real truth.

Get mad all you want, that may be the only defense you know that gets her off your butt, but thats short term and doesn't solve the problem.

Her real problem is she will never take responsibility for her actions and just to see if I'm right, never apologizes, or admits she could be wrong either.

Its hard to put up with narrow minded people who can only see their own thinking, and leave no room for new ideas, or compromise. But to be fair, this has a lot to do with how much you put up with.

I don't put up with romantic partners who cannot, or will not be able to trust. Since I think she cannot connect you with another female friend, or just female acquaintance, and she is paranoid about being cheated on, then of course it follows you must be gay.

What other explanation could there be when you start with the premise you will cheat, but she only sees you with the guys?

Deranged, but stay cool, and back away, because you can't help her with her issues, no matter what you do.

Its funny, I said to her its one thing if she accused me of cheating on her with a woman, but with a guy. I find it hard to comprehend.

You want to know what gets me the most?

I appreciate different ways of thinking, I even studied cultural theory at school. However, as far as Im concerned, you don't give up somebody you profess to 'love' this easy. Im sorry but you just don't.

Funny thing too, her previous boyfriend was cheating on her and she knew but still went out with him. Then she'd ask for a break and then go back out with him. During the break he'd go sleep with other girls too.

Ive questioned her time and again like 'where on earth do you find these people?' she admits to being stupid.

I just want to add, and not to criticise other families dynamics. My mum has always done anything for me, she's always there no matter what happens. With this girl it seems her mother pays little to no interest in her and when she tells her mother things that's bothering her, she's told to 'stop moaning or ignore it' Not very supportive.

Her dad also doesn't seem as though he can be bothered with well, life itself. He seems cronically depressed. He's all friendly one time when I visit and not the next, makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

There's also a few other really odd cues I notice. If she's going out to a bar with her friends, her parents will moan and criticise she's going out 'again' and will be drinking alcohol. She goes out once per week to bars, mainly because her friends don't seem to do any other activity. She has a few cocktails and is barely tipsy. She maybe won't go out for about a month then she tells me a story of how her parents questioned her if I've 'stopped' her from going out?

Seems they're constantly talking trash about me behind my back yet are nice, especially her mum to my face.

I feel bad slamming people, slightly less since they're doing the same to me. I just can't understand it.

I talked to my mum a little bit about it and she thinks her parents are bizarre and says no wonder my girlfriend is the way she is.

Im just very confused over all of this. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before and Im taking it pretty bad. Ive done nothing but show her love and of course Im a HUGE pain a lot of the time and I have MANY faults, but to be speculating that I may be gay or may have cheated on her for months has thrown me for six.

Anyone else know what to make of this situation?

Talaniman brought up a good point about manipulation but I was thinking things through and something became very noticeable.

Im not sure that she's came up with this gay concept herself.

She said she had a heart to heart with her dad and its he who 'thinks I'm cheating with my friend'

During the beginning of our relationship, when I went to her house her dad would make comments like where is (lets call my friend jack) 'wheres jack today' Id be like, oh I don't know.

Then he made comments which my girlfriend told me about to her. Lets say my name is john. 'john and jack are unseprable' oh they're always together in the gym, etc.

Then later on he'd often ask me questions regarding jack. 'so what's he doing with himself now'. 'oh I saw jack at the gym the other day and he gave me a spot on bench press'

The earliest signs were, he said to my girlfriend, 'you want to watch those two'

Then it suddenly clicked last night. My girlfriends dad has a friend from the town he used to live. His friend drives an hour and a half down to see him. My girlfriend says when he comes over, him and her dad stay up and what the television until 4 am and joke round and drink beers, then his friend bunks down on the pull out bed and stays for the night.

I wonder if her dads got some issues and he's trying to make out like its me.

Im still really confused why somebodys parents are accusing me of being gay on no grounds.

My girlfriend told me not to call her this week and that she'd call me on Saturday morning. I think we're going to meet up on Saturday evening but what am I supposed to say?

Ive got nothing to hide?

It would be one thing if she was saying it herself but since her parents believe it too.

I went 10 pin bowling with my friend, booked a lane for a few hours and got in some great practice for when we go with our main group. Her parents response 'two young guys don't go bowling together'

My friend called me up and asked me to go see fast and furious. They said 'two young lads don't go to the cinema together'

I just don't understand.

Write them off as ODD, you will never understand how their mind works or why.

Don't dwell on them, just deal with your girl... if you can, but it's a red flag to me, she listens to them, and not you!

Given her history, I would take her at her word, she may just be stupid.

Write them off as ODD, you will never understand how their mind works or why.

Don't dwell on them, just deal with your girl..........................if you can, but its a red flag to me, she listens to them, and not you!

Given her history, I would take her at her word, she may just be stupid.

I understand.

Its just very odd and out of character of her.

Isn't it understandable she'd listen to her parents over me? We've been together about a year and a half and she's know them her whole life.

If we meet on Saturday, where am I even supposed to start?

Hello, so, I'm not gay...

Shouldn't she know you better than her parents though? What about the truth, over opinions, and assumptions? And what are you even doing with a female that thinks your gay, without credible evidence?

When you meet her ask HER why she is with someone who she thinks is gay?

Shouldn't she know you better than her parents though?? What about the truth, over opinions, and assumptions? And what are you even doing with a female that thinks your gay, without credible evidence?

When you meet her ask HER why she is with someone who she thinks is gay?

I don't know if she's with me. She doesn't believe me and asked for a break. I told her I wasn't satisfied with this since Ive done nothing wrong. She said she'd talk to me in 1 week, which makes it Monday next week. She's at school that week so I told her to call me on Saturday and we can meet then and talk, she agreed to calling me but said she'll see how she feels about the meeting.

What am I supposed to do if she won't meet with me? I feel like she owes me the meeting since Im being wrongly accused on assumptions.

I didn't agree to not contacting her either, I said said no, then she shouted at me 'thats what a break is' she was very angry.

Ive got no control of this situation at all. Ive got to sit here until the weekend and stress over something I haven't done. Would it be wrong to call her or send a text or something?

I don't like doing things over the phone and if she's going to break up with me, the least she can do is show me some respect and meet to tell me face to face.

It's a question of how much BS you're willing to put up with.
Another red flag-she t e l l s you to not call her.
Meanwhile you're fretting away,confused and upset.

Me I would back off and be unavailable.

It's a question of how much BS you're willing to put up with.
Another red flag-she t e l l s you to not call her.
Meanwhile you're fretting away,confused and upset.

Me I would back off and be unavailable.

She said she needs time to think about what she wants and her parents have advised her to have a think about if that's me.

She doesn't want me to call because 'thems the rules of the break' I guess if I call it will be no different to any other day so its not really a break then.

I just feel like Ive gotten the short end of the stick again.

Honestly, Ive noticed I just usually go along with things people say and do just to avoid confrontation and arguments, anything to make it easier.

I asked her why she hadn't brough this break business up before now and she said she's felt it for a few months but has tried to get on with our relationship and see if it feels any better. Then like I said, I had an argument with her. I picked fault with her about seeming to be into going out with her friends more so than me. Rightly so, my fault. Ive been a miserable the last few times we've gone out because I didn't care for the people we went with and I don't like night clubs. This spurred on her to bring up the break and the accusations she's been feeling for months.

I would give her what she asked for, and gone about my business, doing my own thing, being happy as a lark, and good riddance to the drama, confusion, and stupidity.

You have a reason to really be gay then, as in happy!!

Then take a break for yourself,go and do what you enjoy-for a change-and be in charge of your own life.

This may sound harsh,but if you act like a doormat people will wipe their feet on you.

You deserve better.

Thanks guys.

She said she'd call on Saturday so hopefully she'll stay true to her word.

Oftentimes I act like a bit of a doormat. Ive read a few different posts on here and though it sounds harder, if I act like Im getting on well without her, I'll at least keep my respect right?

Again I didn't agree to the no contact but after reading around here, it appears that's what a break is.

Its just strange to think that a break could mean its over. Everything starts to put itself into place when you're together past a year. You get a better sense of each other, you know she comes round my house, gets on very well with my mum, we have a great time. Other than me being socially miserable often in the wrong locations, this gay/cheating thing has obviously been on her mind a lot eating away at her. None of it can be justified in her mind but then there's no evidence to prove it.

Ive just never understood why people come and go in our lives.

Im an only child and oftentimes I think more so than a girlfriend, Ive always been more interested in looking for a companion. I always felt lonely as a child and that's carried on into adulthood.

Its very strange, even though Im concentrating hard on my career, nothing seems worth the while unless I have somebody to share it with.

Doing what I do makes me really happy, happy at the time, but as soon as Im done, Im always looking for somebody to share the work with. Without giving away my identity, after a long year and a half of work, Ive just pitched a couple of records to some big names and got a placement with one of them. It made my family and myself extremely happy, but still not as happy as having a person to share it with.

I totally feel you! I had the same feelings before I got married. The difference I think was I was willing to keep trying after being dumped, or having to disappear from the lives of the ones I knew were not for me.

My opinion. She had sexual relations with someone else. Thus her sudden strange behaviour. Seriously. A girl accusing you of such things.

Hell I would laugh it off, until she keeps at it. Then I would start getting upset too. I must be gay too... considering I have spent most of my life with my hetro sexual sole mate. We even slept in the same bed at times when coming home after doing stuff until way into the morning hours.

My opinion. She had sexual relations with someone else. Thus her sudden strange behaviour. Seriously. A girl accusing you of such things.

Hell i would laugh it off, until she keeps at it. Then i would start getting upset too. I must be gay too... considering i have spent most of my life with my hetro sexual sole mate. We even slept in the same bed at times when coming home after doing stuff until way into the morning hours.

So you think she might have cheated on me?

Ive questioned her twice during our relationship about two different incidents. She denied both, both were from rumours and I believed her. She's never lied to me before so I have no reason to not believe her.

She's been cheated on many times by the same guy and possibly by another, surely somebody who professes to hate cheaters so much wouldn't do such a thing?

She's doing things typical of what an insecure person would do.



Here are the (facts) she has.

I questioned her on 2 rumours and she thinks those who question are the ones cheating (this is because her ex accused her while he was sleeping his way around town)

I hung out with my buddy a lot and often went to public park in the evenings to play ball games

I got a bit depressed after graduation and became a bit of a reclouse and stopped contacting my friends, him included. (she took this as me and him having a fling and now its over and that's why I was upset)

I started getting bleeding gums a few months ago and my dentist said I had to take better care of my teeth. It gave me horrid breath for a few weeks, sometimes worse than others. She came over one night and I went to kiss her and she said my breath smelled like id 'been down on somebody' (if actually been down on a girl, don't you think Id wash my mouth before seeing my girlfriend)

I seen my buddy at the gym last month, had a little chat, caught up. He didn't have his car so I gave him a lift home. I told her the next day, hey I saw jack yesterday and gave him a ride home. (she asked me about a million questions why, then gave me terrible attitude)

She had a heart to heart with her father and he's convinced I'm gay and Ive been having a fling with jack and my girlfriend is a cover up. He's going to 'grab' us and sit us down next time he sees us in the gym and demand to know what's going on. (I'll take bad mouthing me up to a point but I won't tolerate anybody laying a finger on me, police will be involved if that's the case)



So from this I understand Im either gay and hiding it, or Im gay and have cheated with jack but its over now, or I've cheated and gone down on a girl.

Are any of these basis enough to call me a cheater and want to leave me?

Are any of these basis enough to call me a cheater and want to leave me?

I commend you buddy. The only basis I see in this is to leave her. I for one could not deal with this kind of BS in a relationship. Seems to be too much drama.

If I were you, I would really think about whether I want to continue this relationship into the future, knowing what kind of things you have to put up with right now.

She needs to deal with her insecurities. Accusing you of being gay and getting her father involved is borderline ridiculous.

I commend you buddy. The only basis I see in this is to leave her. I for one could not deal with this kind of BS in a relationship. Seems to be too much drama.

If I were you, I would really think about whether or not I want to continue this relationship into the future, knowing what kind of things you have to put up with right now.

She needs to deal with her insecurities. Accusing you of being gay and getting her father involved is borderline ridiculous.

I think her father included himself. Im almost certain he put the idea into her head. Judging from the comments I posted a few posts ago. 2 guys don't go to the movies together, 2 guys don't go to the park together, etc.

The thing is, this is really messing up my plans! Id been on a few dates over the past few years but never had a relationship because I could never find anybody who I really thought would work for me. I met her and was so impressed. She did charity work, she looked after her young sisters, she was real classy and wasn't impressed by players and those flashy guys.

I got to learn about her previous poor choices but this still didn't change my opinion on her much. One thing I found odd was, she was with a guy for 3 years who continually cheated on her. She finally got balls and let him go, yet her mum and his parents got on well so they're still friendly with each other. Although I guess his behaviour shouldn't be a reflection on them.

Another thing that's annoying her at the moment is she thinks all I want is sex and she often doesn't feel like it. She's having on going visits to hospital for a strong case of IBS which nothing is seeming to help so she's being screened for cysts etc having previously had one. When her stomach is bloated which is 80% of the time, she won't let me near her.

One huge thing that I'm SURE must have caused some damage is well, something I probably shouldn't speak of on here but my identity is hidden right so its OK?

She'll barely speak of this incident but it's a shocker.

She was out one evening with her best friend, who is an absolute waster and truly rubbish person. They were quite drunk and her friend was chatting up a guy. Anyway, they leave the club and the guys had called a taxi to get home, they got in and her friend pushed her in the taxi and got in too, said they were going to the guys house. She got there and said fine but she didn't want to stay for long. When she was there she asked for orange juice and turns out her best friend was pouring a lot of vodka in but she didn't realise as she was already drunk. Her best friend went upstairs with the guy and left her downstairs with his friend, she didn't know where she was and wasn't interested in the guy and told him so and he said its cool. He gave her a blanket and she just wanted to go to sleep. She said she woke up through the night and the guy was on top her and she had her underwear off. She screamed what the hell you doing, get off me then she passed out. She woke in the morning, grabbed her clothes grabbed her friend and ran out. She left her phone, purse and underwear. She got home and had her friend collect her belongings. She told her mother about the incident and her mother said just to forget it and not to get the police involved because it probably wouldn't help, because the guy could say she was drunk and came onto him. So nothing was done. She kept seeing the guy while she was out with her friend at a particular bar and him and his friends kept looking over and laughing and coming up making comments. She eventually plucked up the courage one night, approached him and asked him what actually happened. He said he had gone inside her without a condom for a little while and she woke up and threw up on him then passed out so he stopped. She says she feels better now knowing what happened.

Trouble is, this happened 2 days after our first date then on the second date she told me all about it and wanted to let me know just in case it would put me off or anthing. It didn't put me off but I was exceptionally concerned since Id known her for a few months by this point. The ony trouble its caused is, every time she goes out with this girl, which is quite regular I can't help but think something like this may go down again. Firstly how could somebody be that careless and secondly, how on earth would you still be best friends if they let something like that happen to you.

She says she's learned from it and she's actually never been drunk once the time we've been in our relationship, she has about 3 or 4 drinks and calls it a night. Only trouble is this girl always asks her to get drunk, which I only hope she doesn't conform to.

Long story but Im sure this must have affected her somehow.

The more you tell us the more ridiculous it gets.
I'm in agreement with Kc Tiger-leave.
Too much drama,too much like some silly soapopera.

You do NOT deserve this.

The more you tell us the more ridiculous it gets.
I'm in agreement with Kc Tiger-leave.
Too much drama,too much like some silly soapopera.

You do NOT deserve this.

Is there any other option?

We only have sex on her terms, when she says so. Sometimes when I touch her like I said she'll push my hand away. Of course this is understandable though when her stomach is bloated?

I can't understand why she'd get mad when I try to have sex with her though. We haven't had sex in 3 weeks and I tried to this weekend but she wasn't feeling very good and her stomach was swolen so she said no. I appeared a little huffed and in all honesty I was. I apologised, but I need sex to feel close to her. She got really mad at me and said all I seem to want these days is sex. I don't just want sex, I show her a lot of affection and love. When we're in bed and she's laying next to me in her underwear it's a bit hard to resist, she's got a very slim and sexy body, even with a bloated stomach. She feels well maybe 2 weekends out of 4 but then she has her period on one of those so we have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a month. I asked how we had sex a lot in the beginning and she said well, its obvious couples have sex a lot in the beginning but then it tapers off. Im sure the pill she's taking now has something to do with her poor sex drive, since she started taking that thing its been very poor. Also since she's faced more stress she'd rather lay and cuddle than have sex for the most part. Ive asked her if I need to show her more love and she said Im showing her plenty already.

I know I'll have a hard time breaking up with her, like I said previously, I hate rejecting people. I HATE quitting on things too. Surely most problems can be solved right? From being very young I was told never to quit on anything until I'd exhausted all other options.

We need to get to grips with the gay accusations though

I think her parents should mind their business. I'm sorry but I think she's spoiled and probably wants your attention to be solely on her. Good Luck.

I think her parents should mind their business. I'm sorry but I think she's spoiled and probably wants your attention to be soley on her. Good Luck.

Out of the two of us, I actually command a lot more attention than her. The length of time Ive known her she hasn't appeared to be an attention seeker. I was terrible for this as a child and know exactly how it goes!

From what I understand and again Im speaking in bad light of people which I hate but, when I talk to my mum about her parents, she thinks they're very odd. Also she's told me many stories of her parents arguments and dislike for each other, she told me how she found texts on her dads phone from another woman suggesting they had met up a few times and her mother has said many times, she wants to leave him when her two younger sisters turn 18.

When she's at home her parents always pick fault with everything she does and tell her to ' off back to school' she came one weekend and told her parents she was going to stay at mine for the whole weekend and go back to school. Her mum blew up at her and thought it was terrible she wasn't even going to drop round and say hi.

Poor girl doesn't know if she's coming or going. She's at my house one weekend bleeting about her parents and the next she's at home accusing me and siding with her parents.

I don't know what's going on, I feel like I may be in too deep now.

I come from a broken home. My father was an alcoholic and an abuser, he was abbusive both verbally and physically towards my mother over a period of 2 years until she plucked the courage to leave him. I thought I'd have problems, but I got nothing compared with her family.

The oddest thing is, when I go round to her parents they act completely normal, or at least what you'd believe to be normal. It sounds like I'm imagining this all up but Ive known for a little while something seems off with the whole situation.

I guess what I would do in this type of situation would be to take the initiative and have a one on one talk with her father, man to man to explain the situation and clear things up. This needs to be put to rest. Just having a calm and explanatory conversation to get the air cleared would perhaps do a lot of good. Until then it is like everyone trying to ignore the large elephant in the room.

I think truly that you and your lady need to define your boundaries of good behavior, and keep everyone out of your business, and who cares what her parents think? You can't change it so why worry about it.

Its come down to how you both face your issues together that will make or break you.

Personally, I think your too distracted by the drama to see your g/f for what she is, a drama queen, who yaps about everything as long as she isn't responsible for anything. Respectfully of course. She seems to keep things pretty stirred up, don't you think?

I guess what I would do in this type of situation would be to take the initiative and have a one on one talk with her father, man to man to explain the situation and clear things up. This needs to be put to rest. Just having a calm and explanatory conversation to get the air cleared would perhaps do a lot of good. Until then it is like everyone trying to ignore the large elephant in the room.

Thanks this is what I was looking for, a possible solution.

The thing is Ive only heard that her father has said this because she told me while we were arguing. Therefore he doesn't know that I know.

So knowing this, next time I go round her house, if I pull him aside and ask to have a word and bring this situation up, he'll wonder how I know.

Her father isn't very approachable at all. He's about 3 inches taller than at around 6'4 and weighs around 220lbs. He's always kind of peered over me in a some what intimidating way since Im considerably smaller, around 6'1 and 180lbs.

I don't wish for them to be slandering my name so this has to stop.

So if I open with, I'd like a word in private please...

Then where do I go? There has been a lot of talk about me being gay or of having a fling with one of my good friends and Im not happy about it, none of this ever happened.

Im a little scared to tell the truth. Her dad likes a bit of a drink and one weekend I was over it got to around 12:30am and he started mouthing off to her mother about why I hadn't left yet. Surely adults in their early twenties shouldn't be treated this way? Im almost 24. He started getting a bit erractic and I could hear him plodding around downstairs saying how it wasn't on and that he was pretty much going to come upstairs and sort of throw me out. They had a massive argument about it and 2 days later when I came over they had him apologise to me. A few more instances like this happened so I no longer go over to her house for more than a short stay! Im not going to put myself in those situations.

I can think thing that would solve this problem. If my girlfriend was away from her parents full time and she got a better best friend. Being around idiots can turn you into one right?

I think truly that you and your lady need to define your boundaries of good behavior, and keep everyone out of your business, and who cares what her parents think? You can't change it so why worry about it.

Its come down to how you both face your issues together that will make or break you.

Personally, I think your too distracted by the drama to see your g/f for what she is, a drama queen, who yaps about everything as long as she isn't responsible for anything. Respectfully of course. She seems to keep things pretty stirred up, don't you think?

She does seem to have a hard time taking responsibility for things. Although on the other hand, when Ive called her on certain things, she's apologised very easily.

I just don't want to go making any quick decisions to split just yet.

Perhaps its me at fault?

It does seem like a constant drama though I agree.

I don't think what the dad says in his own home is your business to be frank. The problem is what your girl says to him, and you.

I don't think what the dad says in his own home is your business to be frank. The problem is what your girl says to him, and you.

Yeah you're right, its not. However he's threatened to grab my friend and I at the gym and ask us to come clean.

From what I understand she agreed with him.

Are you suggesting she shouldn't have mentioned what her dad said?

I have a feeling Im going to come out of this situation branded a gay cheater. I live in a small town and I know how people talk.

So you think she might have cheated on me?

I questioned her on 2 rumours and she thinks those who question are the ones cheating (this is because her ex accused her while he was sleeping his way around town)



Why should she say this? Takes one to know one maybe?

She sounds guilty of something and it sounds like she is trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Only you know what you are/aren't. Relationships are built on trust. You have told her several times that you are not like that and still she hounds you about it. If she can't trust you, you need to leave this crazy woman. Its not worth it

LEAVE NOW!!

Your girl should never have started this gay stuff, nor let it get this far is what I am suggesting.

Her father doesn't know either of you does he, so where would he get this nonsense but from his daughter.

That's what I was suggesting, he is only reacting it seems, to what he is told.

She is the source as I see it, and the one to put this crap to rest, with her dad, and anyone else she has told. If not... say adiós to this drama queen.


It also seems if this is what her father is putting in her head, she would know better, and not make this an issue between you. That she does is a real red flag buddy, and either way, its her and her actions that must be confronted.

Your girl should never have started this gay stuff, nor let it get this far is what I am suggesting.

Her father doesn't know either of you does he, so where would he get this nonsense but from his daughter.

Thats what I was suggesting, he is only reacting it seems, to what he is told.

She is the source as I see it, and the one to put this crap to rest, with her dad, and anyone else she has told. If not.............................say adiós to this drama queen.


It also seems if this is what her father is putting in her head, she would know better, and not make this an issue between you. That she does is a real red flag buddy, and either way, its her and her actions that must be confronted.

Hey only knows me from the length of time Ive been visiting their house, which id say is a good amount over the past year and a half. He trains at the gym I attend and my friend works at the gym so he sort of knows him too. But to make these assumptions is crazy.

All I can do is wait and see if she calls on Saturday like she said she would. Im uncertain whether I'll get the chance to meet her as she didn't agree to a meeting and said she'll see how she feels at the time. I at least deserve a meeting out of respect.

But your right, she could put this to an end, especially with her father but she obviously doesn't believe enough in me.

I wish you luck. This entire situation is extremely silly. I would think a girlfriend committed to her boyfriend wouldn't let something like this get entirely out of hand like it has... there are some serious red flags that you should see here, the biggest and most obvious of which is her behavior.

This whole thing reeks of immaturity and insecurity, not of affection and caring - like a relationship should be revolved around. I would want a girlfriend who is quick to defend me and believe in me, not question things in a blatantly disrespectful manner - spreading rumors behind my back. Even after you "talk" to her father, you still have bigger problems in dealing with her.

Why should she say this? Takes one to know one maybe?

She sounds guilty of something and it sounds like she is trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Only you know what you are/aren't. Relationships are built on trust. You have told her several times that you are not like that and still she hounds you about it. If she can't trust you, you need to leave this crazy woman. Its not worth it

LEAVE NOW!!!!!!!!

She says this on ground of the behaviour her ex displayed.

Those who accuse their partner of cheating are usually doing it themselves.

I asked her very seriously twice about these two things and she said no to both. I wasn't 100% sure I believed it in the beginning so I asked her several times more and she told me no several more times. I dropped it about a week later.

The first few times she accused me she was quite rational about it and asked if I could understand it from her point of view. I agreed but didn't know how to take it since she was accusing me of being with a guy, I didn't know how to respond so I kind of laughed. Now I know I shouldn't have done this but I didn't know how else to react at the time, it almost seemed like a joke.

If I tell her I haven't cheated a thousand times and she still doesn't believe it, what is it that's stopping her? I know she might never believe me, but if that's the case she won't ever believe her next boyfriend and the next.

If I tell her I havent cheated a thousand times and she still doesnt believe it, what is it thats stopping her? I know she might never believe me, but if thats the case she wont ever believe her next boyfriend and the next.

The biggest issue I see here is insecurity and trust. You contfronted her about your suspicions in the past, she denied them, you dropped it. You trusted in her. What are her actions saying to you at this point? She has to learn to grow up and trust that when you say something, it's the truth. Without proof, your word shoube bond.

Threads merged
If you read my previous post about my girlfriend either suspecting Im cheating with a male friend or cheating in general, I don't know. Anyway, she wanted a week to cool off for a little bit and its been 3 weeks since then.

Right now this girl is really irritable, she's not happy in her situation, I can't seem to say a damn thing to her without her losing her cool. She's feeling unenergetic and crys almost every night when she's alone in her flat.

We've seen each other 3 times since then where she came over to my house. Last night I started a conversation asking her why she didn't want to come out to an open mic night my friends have organised and she responded saying she doesn't like that kind of thing, my friends don't engage her in conversation and she feels uncomfortable around them. I reminded her that on several occasions, despite not liking night clubs, I went when asked with her and her friends. They made minimal contact with me and I didn't exactly have a great time because its not my scene. She told me to 'leave it before it caused an argument'. I don't want to have to leave every conversation when the other person tells me, meaning if I go past a certain point it will trigger her. I don't think its fair, especially since I wasn't finished talking about it.

Anyway, long story short, she blew up big time. She said she wanted to go home and didn't need this anymore. She admitted to being edgy all the time and generally not happy and said she was dragging me down with her. She said she won't be happy till she's home from school which is in 3 months and she's living back at home for good then.

She asked me to wait for her until then and said she would be in a better frame of mind to give the relationship another go. I was that annoyed with her behaviour I would have agreed but I didn't, I asked for an answer there and then. 'Do you want me or not'

She said she didn't know what she wanted. I suggested it wasn't fair to keep me waiting for 3 months if she wasn't sure there was a chance we'd date again. I suggested I could have met somebody else by then. This made her blow up again and she said if I really wanted her I'd wait, I obviously have other options Im not letting on about so she told me to go pursue them and that she was done.

It all happened so fast, she got out of the car and went inside.

I got home and she called about 30 minutes later asking if I got home all right, even though the weather wasn't very bad. I said fine thanks and asked what the heck just happened. She said I clearly have other options otherwise I wouldn't have pushed her for an answered and said I'd wait for her.

I replied well if that's what you think, I'm sorry, bye.

I just don't understand. This isn't what I wanted, but I also didn't think it was fair for her to ask me to wait for 3 months for her.

I have 2 questions

1. Did what I say in our conversation 'cause' the argument?
2. was I wrong to say it wasn't fair of her to keep me waiting?

Thanks

I think it's time you closed the book on this confusing relationship.

It seems this girl will use any excuse to start an argument and stomp off in a huff.

Wait around three months for somebody to make their mind up?

No way.

I think it's time you closed the book on this confusing relationship.

It seems this girl will use any excuse to start an argument and stomp off in a huff.

Wait around three months for somebody to make their mind up?

No way.

She said its me who causes the arguments. I can't help that she takes a huff when I say things she doesn't want to hear.

What I mean is if two people are having a conversation and one says stop right there before you cause an argument, if that person stops and hasn't finished what they're saying, I don't think its very fair. I expect the person Im conversing with to hear me out even if its not what they want to hear.

My mum was in a relationship with my father where every time she said something he didn't want to hear he said stop right there. So she'd stop, after two years he'd cut short sooo many conversations and she had all these unanswered threads in her mind she ended up resenting him, that and he was an abbusive alcoholic.

Either way, if she says stop and I go past that, she huffs and says I've caused an argument.

In the gay accusations too, I've questioned her on a couple of things before and they ended up with her huffing and shouting again. When she bombarded me with questions about being gay, I didn't take the huff and shout, I actually laughed and that made her go off at me again.

As far as she's concerned, I start all the arguments.

I asked her quickly last night. 'If I can't talk about this, or that, or the other, what on earth am I supposed to talk to you about'

When you're 23 you shouldn't act like this surely?

I read your story and felt a lot of similarities with my previous relationship.

You really just got to go no contact and move on. It sounds like she does not want to really communicate about what is bothering her.

I do want to add, she was probably annoyed at you with the night club situation. You should work on trying to have a good time no matter what you are doing. It sounds like that was something important to her and you being negative brought the mood down. Just something to keep in mind for future relationships.

I read your story and felt a lot of similarities with my previous relationship.

You really just gotta go no contact and move on. It sounds like she does not want to really communicate about what is bothering her.

I do want to add, she was probably annoyed at you with the night club situation. You should work on trying to have a good time no matter what you are doing. It sounds like that was something important to her and you being negative brought the mood down. Just something to keep in mind for future relationships.

She'll communicate on her terms.

It seems like she can say her bit, however if I bring up a topic and she no longer wants to talk about it, it has to stop right there or it ends in her flipping out.

She admits to being on the edge right now and having a low thresh for irritability. I believe because these things happen so often, she's meeting me now with the idea something is going to blow up so she's always on the defense.

I actually made an effort, I didn't have a great time personally but I didn't stand with a miserable face, I joined in, had a dance, etc.

What bugged her was she thought I was having a dig at her by saying my friends had their girlfriends with them the other night when I was out. So she did her usual, got pent up, started shouting and said something like, I don't give a crap if they had their girlfriends there, I don't like those kind of gigs, those bars, or your friends so I isn't going.

One thing I noticed is she'll always say to me after an argument, I told you to leave it otherwise you'd piss me off.

I asked why I should have to tread on egg shells with my conversation in fear or setting her off, which is when she stormed off out the kitchen, put her shoes on and said take me home.

What I've noticed is she does the same at home, her parents say something she doesn't want to hear and she's off, she goes off at them, she's got such a short fuse. Its hard to be with somebody without fear of setting them off every second though.

I find these posts hard because its easy to come on here and look like a victim. Im not perfect by any stretch of the word. I do however feel a lot of the relationship seems to be on her terms. If I do, or say, or ask a question that's out of line, I get somehow get punished.

I definitely say the wrong thing a lot.

For example, I don't like some of the people she hangs out with. They go out clubbing, drink excessively and some do drugs. Id never associate myself with people like that. However, they're all in my girlfriends daily conversation and I get tired of hearing about their trials and tribulations and the drama that surrounds them so on many occasions Ive made comments like 'i don't like wasters', 'do I have to hear much more about them lot'

I understand these comments are selfish and I've apologised for them.

I think she would be a lot better off if she had a hobby of sorts.

In a healthy relationship you would be able to disagree, but would communicate openly and discuss the problems that exist.

I'd move on! Sounds like you've already had enough of this type of behavior in your life and don't need any additional drama. I think if you stay in this relationship any longer you will grow resentful. Life's too short - Get out!

I feel you. A lot of my ex's friends seemed like "wasters", now some of them were pretty cool and I enjoyed hanging out with them. She just has a problem differentiating between someone she should focus her energy on and someone she shouldn't associate with. (Poor upbringing?)

It sounds like you generally have the right idea of things being on her terms. It seems like you have a good idea of what you could have done differently and what you did right. (Just because you could do something differently, is it the right thing to do? Such as, being a pushover for her). It sounds like she might have some controlling personality traits that started to show a little bit.

Be glad you got out when you did. Learn as much as you can about the red flags that you might have ignored and keep doing your thing. Since the relationship didn't kill you, it can only make you better and stronger of a person.

In a healthy relationship you would be able to disagree, but would communicate openly and discuss the problems that exist.

I'd move on! Sounds like you've already had enough of this type of behavior in your life and don't need any additional drama. I think if you stay in this relationship any longer you will grow resentful. Life's too short - Get out!

What's funny is now my mother has huge issues trusting people. She also believes its not good to be in a situation where your partnet will cut conversations and won't hear you out.

What my girlfriend or ex girlfriend does is will say her bit then if I disagree get mad. She never used to be like this but she says Im relentless and keep on pushing. I wouldn't call it pushing but more finishing and the only reason Im like this is because these conversations have come up before and where never resolved then still aren't resolved now.

Don't get me wrong, my mothers situation was far different from this. However my mother thinks my girlfriend is very huffy.

She actually just contacted me and said she just needs time to think and sort herself out, she said she hates just quitting on things. I asked why she got out the car and walked away, she asked 'why did you let me walk away' She then went on to say she maybe does know what she wants and that is why she gets mad at me every time things go wrong.

What is that supposed to mean? That she wants me and is maddened when we fall out?

I just need to be sure there's no way to fix things before I move on. Im not one to give up on people easily.

I appreciate the advice offered so far though

I feel you. A lot of my ex's friends seemed like "wasters", now some of them were pretty cool and I enjoyed hanging out with them. She just has a problem differentiating between someone she should focus her energy on and someone she shouldn't associate with. (Poor upbringing?)

It sounds like you generally have the right idea of things being on her terms. It seems like you have a good idea of what you could have done differently and what you did right. (Just because you could do something differently, is it the right thing to do? Such as, being a pushover for her). It sounds like she might have some controlling personality traits that started to show a little bit.

Be glad you got out when you did. Learn as much as you can about the red flags that you might have ignored and keep doing your thing. Since the relationship didn't kill you, it can only make you better and stronger of a person.

Im no one to judge, but I think her upbringing may have something to do with it.

From what I hear and witness now she doesn't seem to know if she's coming or going. One minute her parents are sympathetic towards her and the next they're not interested and very passive.

Concerning the drugs and obessive drinking, she believes hanging around with these people will not impact her. I think otherwise. That old saying 'you're only as good as the company you keep...

If I hung out with people of that nature my mother would not be happy. Her mothers comments range from, stay away, to are you moaning again.

It sounds like she has a lot of realizations to come to and changes to make before she would be a good match for the long-term relationship you are seeking.

Give her space and move on. Do you own thing and see what happens. Just remember to kick any false hope out the door, because quite honestly, she might not turn around for years. Sure, she might magically turn around in 1,2,3,etc months, but she then wouldn't be attracted to you if you are sitting like a sick puppy waiting for her.

One of my good friends put it this way, Time for an upgrade!

It sounds like she has a lot of realizations to come to and changes to make before she would be a good match for the long-term relationship you are seeking.

Give her space and move on. Do you own thing and see what happens. Just remember to kick any false hope out the door, because quite honestly, she might not turn around for years. Sure, she might magically turn around in 1,2,3,etc months, but she then wouldn't be attracted to you if you are sitting like a sick puppy waiting for her.

One of my good friends put it this way, Time for an upgrade!

I apprecaite what you're saying.

She's asked for my friendship during this time.

I said I couldn't wait around for her and I felt like she set a trap. She said if you really wanted me and loved me you'd wait. Ive noticed a lot of girls do this, its not very fair in my eyes. She kind of suggested that I talk to her throughout the next 3 months but she won't see me. No exact promise we'll get back together.

These things are a double edged sword.

I'll be called worse than crap if I cut contact from here, yet if I stay around like a puppy dog, she'll walk all over me.

Im not really out to meet anybody else, but if something was to happen over these 3 months and she calls wanting me back, I can forsee a huge problem if I've been or am with somebody else.

About 4 years ago a previous girlfriend asked me to wait for her, she was all nice when I said I would then I realised it wasn't fair and told her this exactly so I said I would have to cut off contact. She flipped out and started cursing me out, for the next week or two she called me with abuse, she sent abussive text messages. So many women are lovely as could be but as soon as their boyfriend takes his life back and doesn't bow to them anymore, they turn into the nastiest women ever.

I would take the lessons you have learned from previous experiences and apply them to this situation. You stood up for yourself then, I highly suggest you do so now. Time to end this chapter of your life and be smart enough not to be trapped again by talking to this emotionally handicapped female ever again, no matter what.

3 months away won't change squat. She is, who she is. I hate relationships that make you work your azz off, and no progress gets made. You just have to realize that your not compatible over the long haul, and probably never will be.