We started talking regularly again about 2 months ago. I was involved in a very bad accident, and was hospitalized and in a coma. My sister text messaged everybody in my phone to inform them of my status and the Ex's number was still in there. When I came to she was one of the first people to call me. Previous to that we had not had any real contact for about 5 months.

That night we talked for nearly 4 hours and she told me that she loves me and has been crying all the time knowing that I could have died. She apologized for being cold towards me etc. We have been communicating almost daily since until about 2 weeks ago. She started ignoring me once again and sent me a disturbing text message.

Prior to her last text, I sent her a picture of myself and some friends tailgating at a Football game (2 weeks ago). She called twice that week but I did not answer because I was busy. That was the last time she tried to call me until yesterday.

I told her I was going to be in her town to watch a football game with friends and I asked her if we could have lunch or something. She sent me back a text message said: I have a boyfriend, and he knows about or past. I want to keep it that way. I sent her one asking her what that meant and the last text said: Things have changed and we've moved on.

Do you think she felt guilty and contacted me to clear her conscience once she found out about my accident?

Her boyfriend was not at all happy about her talking to me. Do you think he told her not to speak to me anymore or it was over?

Could it be another cycle in the bipolar( she is and stopped taking meds about 8 months ago) going from depressed to manic? Now that she is out of the depression mode and in manic mode she does not "need me and miss me" because she is on top of the world?

She always used to say that she never had anyone treat her like I did and sometimes I think her feelings for me would scare her. She often told me this when I asked why she was pushing me away. I often heard statements like "what do you see in me" " I don't deserve you" "I wish I was what you needed" etc.

Don't know what to think. Maybe they were going through tough times together and she was using me as a safety net. When things got better between them she didn't need my anymore. She never did talk about their relationship with me.

Here's the deal. Its not like I am putting my life on hold for her. It just sucks because we could have had something that was awesome if she just put a little bit of effort into it. Now curiousity has the best of me, and I want to see what all of you guys think.

It sounds as if she doesn't really know what she wants. Are you sure it would be the best idea to become involved with her again even if she wanted to do so? She sounds unstable which may mean a new breakup waiting to happen all over again. I know people can change, but she has to do the work.

The fact is that if she wants to be with you, she needs to make a clean break with the new boyfriend (which would make me not trust her anyway if she is so easily ready to leave one for another), and be free and healthy and stable to pick up a relationship with you.

I know it sucks and it hurts, but maybe the best thing to do is just to take yourself out of this picture now. It doesn't seem to be in your best interest to try to see her and wonder what the boyfriend is telling her. If she were to contact you at some point in the future and was available and willing to give you what you deserve and need, I would say go for it. As it is though, it seems you have tried to do all you can do for now, doesn't it? Maybe the best plan is to look to find a new girlfriend in your life that can offer you what you need.

And I know all about how it sucks to think what you "could have had" if only the other person would have done their part. I feel the same way about my ex. We have absolutely no control over that though, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Hi Roll,

No, I do not think she was using you. When you were in the accident, I could almost bet her actions and words were sincere. With that said, she is currently tangled up with someone else, and I fear staying in touch with her, or you wondering what her motives actually mean, will only cause you additional hurt and turmoil. A little difficult to try and decipher what her motives mean, when more than likely she is unsure of them herself.

Bipolar is a sad and difficult disease and she should continue her meds, but I am sure you know that.

For now, I would have gratitutde to her for being their when you were hurt, however, I would step back, as she truly needs to sort things out and you don't need to be caught up in her swirl of confusion.

Take sometime for yourself.

Move on without her.

It just sucks because we could have had something that was awesome if she just put a little bit of effort into it. Now curiousity has the best of me
Get over the curiousity and move on. You can't get he to co-operate and her coming back has you thinking about those old feelings. Leave her alone and get on with your life without her.

I think the answer to all of the questions you've raised is 'yes.' Yes, she may have felt guilty about your accident. Yes, it's possible her current boyfriend gave her an ultimatum to the effect that she doesn't speak with you anymore or it's over. And yes, definitely people who are bi-polar are unpredictable and inconsistent. Frankly, I'd forget about her and move on. You don't need her and evidently she doesn't need you. Being with someone who's bi-polar can be a nightmare, especially if she's not taking medication. I don't know why you'd even want that.

Time to move on. Don't let her dictate when she wants you in her life or not. That isn't what relationships are about.

It obviously didn't work the first time because you broke up. And I doubt it would have worked this time.

She sounds like she has heaps of issues so let her and her boyfriend deal with them.

Time for you to move forward in a healthy direction and not worry or think about her roller coaster emotions.

It isn't healthy for you either.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Personally, I am a bi-polar patient and I had stopped taking my medication prior to meeting my current b/f. I would suggest moving on without her, especially since it doesn't seem like you have a choice in the matter. First and foremost, I would suggest to you that if she did have any further contact with you, and you were to allow it... that you would make it perfectly clear to her that you will not tolerate this type of behavior from her should she want to engage you in her life. Secondly, I would make a strong and conscious decision that you can live without the drama in your life and that you do not deserve to be treated with such dis-respect, as I am confident that you have not done anything to her to deserve this type of treatment. Show her where your confidence resides, and do not play into her games. I did this for 3 months with my current b/f and am just now realizing the impact of my destructive behavior. If I were to continue living this way... I expect that I will never be able to acquire or sustain a healthy relationship in the future. She needs to be clearly evident of her behavior and if you care for her in any way at all, I would suggest bringing these destructive behavior pattern to her attention. It's possible, that when you are taking medications for bi-polar disease that she is not aware of her intentions, actions or behaviors as this medication induces a state of dillusional behavior and euphoria to allow a person to function properly in society. I am experiencing this as we speak. I understand that the "illness" can be cured by accepting and acknowledging the issues surrounding the root or source of the underlying issues that are contributing to her behavior. Medication is not always the answer as I have found. Acceptance and Acknowledgment are. Good luck with your continued effort to maintain a healthy, emotional balance in your life with regards to your ex-wife.