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So here is the breakdown (its a long one). Over 6 months ago my g-friend caught me chatting to some girl online and showing intention to meet for coffee. I would have never gone through with it but I was just curious. Anyway, 6 months later it was still affecting our relationship until I couldn't take it anymore because she could not get over it. We broke up for 3 weeks and then I saw her with a guy friend of hers alone at a bar having a drink. I guess I wasn't over her because I got very jealous for one of the first times in our relationship and I got back together with her the next day. We both agreed we could work on things and now I see myself 100% committed while she is not. She says that me breaking up with her really affected her and that she is not sure about the relationship anymore although she is constantly telling me she loves me and I can see it clearly that she still is..

The other night we were going to meet up at night but she told me it was girls night out because her and a friend of hers had just gotten a new job and they wanted to celebrate so they were going to meet me up later. I told her my phone was going to die so we should meet up now but she insisted that it was girls night out so we decided that she should just look for me a the bar I was going to be at. 2am came around and she had not showed her face so I went home. She called me 30 min later but I was asleep and was texting me the whole night saying that she was worried. I called her around 4:30 am to explain that I was tired and that's why I didn't call her when I got home but she was upset. The following night she is going out to dinner with a friend of hers and says she will call me after. 12am I call her and she does not answer. I call her at 1:30am and still nothing and at this point it starts to get to me so text her saying why is she ignoring my calls. She calls 5 min later and she is in some loud bar or club and I get pissed. She says that she was out just like I was and I basically tell her to go have a fun time tonight. I then text her telling her that she is making no effort whatsoever to help this relationship and she starts going on about how I had done it to her the night before. I tell her that if she was so upset we could have talked about it but that I was the one who was upset right now. She says fine and we don't speak the rest of the night. She texts me the following night at 4am to say "hi". I don't respond and she calls me the following morning. I tell her that I went out with some friends last night and that Im going to the beach, she tells me to have a good day. Anyway she doesn't call that day nor the following. Should I just keep the distance from her for a bit or tell her how what she is doing is affecting me?

You guys both sound highly immature and are going tit for tat. There is no excuse for this from either party. You come off as too clingy one night, and then the next so do she. Both of you sound insecure with each other, and as much as you can say, neither has forgotten the past. You virtually cheated on her by trying to meet up with another girl, then you ended it because she couldn't get over it? Bro, no wonder! I wouldn't get over my girlfriend(she would be my ex) if she was trying to meet another guy for "coffee."

This relationship is so flawed that it's not going to work out, lack of communication, trust or boundaries of any sort

Wwell it sounds like your night out got a snow ball rolling. This whole ordeal could pick up speed and size VERY quickly. It could soon be out of your hands and capacity to fix. If you want this relationship to work- sit down and TALK. It's like you two are just trading blows. One of you will have to break this cycle if you want to survive. It's really that simple. Do nothing and you'll lose. Do something while you still can and save it. DECIDE

Yes you should probably just distance yourself for now. She probably does really love you and she is probably still extremely hurt by what you did. Maybe you didn't actually meet up w/ the other woman, but the intention was certainly there. Although physically you weren't w/ the other woman, you were still cheating on your girlfriend. Just because it's talking, it's still inappropriate to do when you're in a relationship because the intention was there to meet her and you were thinking about this other woman in an "Im going to date her" sense. Sounds to me like she is punishing you in a way for what you did. She wants you, but she wants you to see that she can be OK. w/out you. I'm just saying. This is what it sounds like. You should just probably let it go for a little bit but definitely let her know. You both have to be willing to move on from this. You have to make her aware that you will NOT do that again and mean it. She also has to FORGIVE you and mean it in order for it to work. Because if she continues to play games and throw it in your face, you will not ever move on and she'll never be able to mend her broken heart. Hope to all works out for you!

I know it seems flawed but it wasn't this way prior to all of this drama, plus I love the girl. I guess that's why it is so hard to let go of. I am trying to fix things but she doesn't give me the chance to because she keeps doing things to upset me. The tables have turned and now I feel vulnerable in this relationship

I know that if my boyfriend was talking to another girl online or in person, I'd probably draw away from him and end the relationship.

YOU were looking for the greener grass on the other side. SHE caught you, and now you want to keep her. YOU screwed up, she realized she doesn't have to be treated like that.

I know its hard to let go because you love her. But she can't get over what you did, and she shouldn't have to. Let her go. The relationship will never be the same.

Rockstar has a good point. Even if your relationship does recover, it'll never be 100% the way it was before. She'll definitely have trust issues and it's that trust that makes up the foundation of a relationship. Without it- you'll have a terrible time.

For the love of all things holy. I couldn't even finishing reading this. It reads like a bunch of middle schoolers. You both sound so insecure and needy. Your right, she is playing games but it's up to you to either man up and not put up with it, or walk away. If this is how she can treat you and you let her, what do you think she's going to do.

I understand you love her, but she obviously does not love you back. So you can hold on for all hope or you can save yourself from what she is putting you through.

You just wrote the tables have turned... and the moment, and I do mean the very moment that happens that's the moment you have to either get out or get used. Right now you are getting used and you can't do a damn thing to save yourself. You will only teach her you do not appreciate or put up with games by ignoring them and walking away. To do anything else plays into her and will only keep her going and you being vulnerable.

I didn't read all the posts here so sorry in advance if I repeat anything..

VERY immature behavior on your part.. the fact that you were talking to the girl online just to see where it would go is so dang stupid.. my ex did something like that and he said the same thing as you "I never would had gone through with meeting her, I just liked the attention" stupid stupid stupid.. all guys should read this. That's a sure fire way to lose your girl stop going online getting yourself in trouble, if this girl is smart, she'll stay far far away from you

There's a reason they're called EXCLUSIVE relationships.

She had trust issues from the beginning because her ex cheated on her with her roommate. She caught me because she logged into my email and read my emails..

Well that confirmed her fears didn't it? I'm beginning to think more and more that the hole is being dug deeper.

Now she has even more trust issues. Her last boyf cheated on her, you were thinking about it... I feel sorry for the next guy.

Face it, you betrayed her trust. She will never look at you the same again. I think this relationship is beyond repair, sorry to say it, but you confirmed her distrust in guys. And I know from experience that trust is a hard thing to regain.

My current boyf was cheated on by his last 3 girlfriends, he's only had 4, I'm his 5th. Every time we have an anniversary he brings up that by now he's been cheated on and he wonders when I'll cheat on him. We were best friends for a year, and we've been together for almost 10 months. He still doesn't trust me. He probably never will, and I have to deal with that, knowing that even though I have never betrayed his trust I have to live with the repercussions of his ex's mistakes.

Rockstar, I agree with what you said completely! It is beyond repair, trust was violated way too much for one person to take.

But with your boyfriend, there are a lot of things he can do to repair the damage that was dealt to him from his exes. I was the same way as him, cheated on by my first love, then my recent ex emotionally cheated on me, and now my present girlfriend, well she has won all of my trust by proving she was not like them. In time he will learn this:-)

Every time he says it I just tell him to shut up. :) (But in a nice way, of course)

He just has things he needs to get over, and I've told him this. And every time he starts I tell him again.

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Hey guys, this is my second post. I've been dating this girl and I love her a lot. The first 6 months were great and she is one of those girls that are worth keeping. Anyway, the relationship has started to spiral down because I was being mischievous on the computer and caused her to be insecure. We had some ups and downs but then we started arguing a lot. I broke up with her because I couldn't handle the stress of fighting but then I got back with her a month later because I missed her a lot. Now she says she was really hurt after the breakup and she is not feeling the same about the relationship anymore although she tells me she still loves me.

She has started playing games by going out with her friends to bars and clubs and not calling (which is the reason I originally got into a fight with her). Anyway I started NC and she started calling, txting, etc. So thurs. comes around and she calls me and it sounds like she is really missing me so I tell her "Do you want to talk about things" She doesn't engage so I tell her how I feel about her going out with friends to bars/clubs all the time and that if she wants to do that it is fine and that she should take her space but if she wants to be with me she has to stop doing things because it upsets me... Wow, what happened next left me very confused. She threw it all back in my face. Tried to turn it around on me.. Anyway we argued, I told her to come meet me up at a bar I was at because she was with her friends nearby. She didn't call till 4am (was asleep). She called the next day and left me a message and I called her back, we both pretended like it never happened. I called her on sat to ask her what she had done on Fri and she was out to some club with some friends after she told me prior to that that she was going to do something low key.

I have put down the line and I have kept moving it because I love her but that is the last straw for me. I love her and I do want to get back together with her but I can't take this mistreatment anymore. I messed up in the beginning but I have been trying to make things work again by building up trust and just treating her better but now the tables have turned and she is the one who continues upsetting me. What frusturates me the most is that even after dating for over a year she can't give me the curtesy of just telling me that either she wants to continue or its over. I don't plan to call her at all this week but my question is that if she doesn't call at all after a week should I just continue NC or should I just talk to her about it and come to a civil resolution with her. I want to be with her but I can't continue like this. Regardless what happens, this girl is a great person and I consider her a great friend. I don't want it to be one of those breakups where we both have a grudge but the ball is in her court now. Help?

U should talk to her, and work things out, you are not a game, tell her you are upset by what she did, whether she want to change and being together or split up.

Obviously this relationship is over, both parties are going tit for tat. You started it, she continues it.. How much longer are you going to put up with this abuse. Never put in more effort than the other person, a relationship is 50/50. A great quote about this is "When dealing with commitment, you're either in or out. There is no such this a life in between"

Find a new girl.

Yea I already know you all think I should get a new girl.. I will if needed but in regards to what to do now is, should I call her at the end of the week to officially resolve things or just go NC?

Yea i already know you all think I shoudl get a new girl.. I will if needed but in regards to what to do now is, should I call her at the end of the week to officially resolve things or just go NC?

Either go stealth mode and start NC or fire artilleries and bombard your ex with "I'm over you"

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So my girlfriend and I broke up two months ago and we got back together however things are not the same as they use to be. I am trying to bring the romance back into the relationship but she is always getting hot/cold. Sometimes she is affectionate and the rest of the time she is just cold. When she gets cold it pushes me away and I feel no urge to give her affection. Should I take a step back or try a different approach? Tips?

Well, first, what is your plan of attack like currently? Are you showing her too much affection, or not enough? If you are showing too much... back off some because you are smothering her. Is she a needy person?

Well Im just going back to the way things were. Not smothering her but also showing her affection (kissing her, massage every now and then, etc.) She seems like she wants the affection but does not give any in return..

First have you tried talking to her about this? Second is there anything outside the relationship that could be causing the hot/cold dynamic? Did she behave the same way before the breakup?

There are lots of ways to get romance back into a relationship but it takes two. Is she willing to work on this with you? Without talking together to make it a joint project nothing you do will work for long if at all, I'm afraid.

You need to communicate with each other... others on here will also tell you that communication is the key to a successful relationship... you can't just look at her and tell what her wants or needs are... don't be afraid to ask questions... get to know her again... a lot of things can change in two months. Be spontaneous... do things with her that you didn't do before...

How old are the two of you, and how long were you together before the break up?

22 and she is 24.. We have been dating for a little over a year now..

Like previously stated by myself and betrayal... communication is going to be the best way for you to have a good relationship with her.

Make sure you listen to what she says... make sure she understands what you are asking... like I said, be spontaneous... but don't be over powering with the affection.

Make sure that there is no pinned up anger on her part about what did/may have happened previously...

Why did you break up?

If you can't talk about it, you'll never find a solution to the problem that works for you both. Sorry you can't romance a female that doesn't appreciate it. That's a complete waste of time.

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So yesterday I got in a big fight with g-friend. She really pissed me off this time but like always, it happens to be my fault.

I woke up and I wanted to leave to see the football games so I told her lets leave in 15 min (she was reading book). I jumped in the shower and I got out and asked her to help me clean before we left. She said give me 5 min to finish her chapter and so I decided to clean my room a bit. I cam out 5 min later and without even telling her I started to clean the apartment. It was very obvious that I was going to clean with or without her and she didn't even make a peep. It only took me around 5-7 min but this was after I had brought her breakfast in bed and I wanted her to just show some appreciation for doing something nice.

So after I finished I told her "thanks for helping out" as I was very annoyed. She says "what" and I told her that I wasn't going to wait all day for her to help out. She gets up and says she is leaving back home, packs up her things and bounces. I wasn't annoyed anymore, I was pissed.

Anyway to make a long story short, she says that I do it to her all the time and that I shouldn't have to get mad over something so little. I use to do that mb 6 months ago but I noticed how she would get upset so I help her all the time when Im at her apt. She called me last night to say she doesn't want to go to bed fighting but still claims that I should have waited for her to finish her chapter and that I need to learn some patience. I wasn't really mad about the cleaning, I was annoyed and she needed to know. What really pissed me off is when she just got her stuff and left.

I don't want this argument to go on for days so how should I handle this. Just tell her lets put it behind us. Not give in. Advice?

Just let it go, don't get so mad about little things. You could have handled the situation a lot differently, instead of using your snappy "thanks for helping me out" remark, you could have told her how you felt without making her feel attacked. Just let the fight go, relationships are supposed to be fun and upbeat, you can't have fun if you are always arguing. I can't even count how many arguments I have dropped in the interest of making peace, you will realize it wasn't worth it just like I do.

Ok, to keep a healthy relationship... and keep together, you need to do this:

Lets say you could rewind time... go back. She's reading her book and you are getting pissed because you are cleaning and feeling like you are doing everything. What you could have done to avoid it is put your hand on her arm, and say something like: "Hey babe, could you help me pick up the house? I'd like to leave for the game, and two people get more things done...how bout it?" Which in that case, she'd helped you.

Just try to take every situatioin with tenderness, it'll work!

Now, to clear this up, give her a call and apologize. Tell her you miss her and you are sorry for overreacing. Tell her you love her and that you want her to come back... " Also, add you'll take her out to dinner to make up for it or something... something you know she'll like... :) Good luck! Don't fret the small stuff... this relationship is suppoesed to be fun!

The time to realize what your doing wrong is, before you do it, and only requires a little thought before actions, and that's how you avoid those dumb arguments over NOTHING.

Now apologize, and kiss her butt, both cheeks, and promise to do better than that.

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So I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 years. I was using her phone the other day as my batt. Had died and I noticed that she had received a ton of calls from this guy which I have never met or heard of. We have been having some problems lately which is normal in any relationship and I've noticed a change of behavior in the past 2 weeks. I got very suspicious and I decided the only way to find out was to go through her phone as I was not going to bring up anything without any evidence.

Anyway I went through her phone while she was asleep and they have been talking pretty much every other day, sometimes every day for the past week and a half. She calls him and he calls her. She went out with her girlfriends the other night and txted me at 2 am to see if I was home as she said she might come over after ( I was passed out). 5 min after that text she asked him if he was out and it seems they met up at 4am at a bar. Now every instinct tells me that she is cheating but I have a hard time believing that as she is a very good person and has always been honest in the past. I confronted her and she told me that they had been talking a lot because it was "good conversation" since they are working in the same field. She admitted it was wrong and that she would cut it off immediately. The fact that she was pursuing him to meet up and talking all the time shows me that she was interested no matter whether I was able to prove whether she was cheating or not. She crossed the boundaries of trust and I broke up with her. She asked for my forgiveness and told me she would end all communication with him immediately. I still love her but I can't be in a relationship where I think she is lying to me. I think it was more than good conversation. What do you think?

I still love her but I can't be in a relationship where I think she is lying to me.

This is your answer... your OWN answer. We can't read into anything for you as it doesn't matter. In the end, it is you who has to decide whether you can trust her again. You, my friend, also breached her trust by poking through her phone... just saying. But, as a matter of facts, we cannot talk you into trusting her again, only you can do that, and I think your mind is made up.

Stick to your gut instinct in this one.

She crossed the boundaries of trust and I broke up with her. She asked for my forgiveness and told me she would end all communication with him immediately. I still love her but I can't be in a relationship where I think she is lying to me. I think it was more than good conversation. What do you think?
I think you did the right thing, you lost trust in her and broke up with her.

I think you did the right thing, you lost trust in her and broke up with her.

Well I did the same thing very early in our relationship and she forgave me. I want to forgive her but I can't have this cloud of doubt. I need to be 100% sure nothing happened.

I've considered contacting the guy but I don't know if that is a smart move.

My opinion, I think it's a little hard to tell if she was cheating on you. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. To me it just sounds like she was hanging out with a friend. Not saying that that was good but I think that it was good of her to be honest to you about the situation once you asked her about it.

I've been in a situation like this before. I was hangin out with a guy that I met at my job (he was a customer) and yes I did have a boyfriend at the time. Me and this guy hung out every now and then. We went to the amusement park and played basketball etc. I knew my bounderies though. I've never kissed this guy or had sex with him. He made it clear that he liked me but was respectful towards me cause I had a boyfriend. I didn't tell my boyfriend about this guy.

One night my boyfriend saw me getting out of this guys car and let me tell you he was HOT!! We got into an argument that night and we separated for a week. Eventually we got back together after talking about the situation. I didn't want to be without him because I loved him so much and he felt the same so we worked it out. I cut of contact with this other guy 100%. It took some time for my boyfriend to trust me again too.

So the only advice I can give is, if you love her the way you say you do and want to be with her, give her another chance (hopefully this was her 1st offense). You may not trust her like you want too, but it will take time. Have a talk with her. I wish you luck. Hope this helped :)

My opinion, I think it's a little hard to tell if she was cheating on you. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. To me it just sounds like she was hanging out with a friend. Not saying that that was good but I think that it was good of her to be honest to you about the situation once you asked her about it.

I've been in a situation like this before. I was hangin out with a guy that I met at my job (he was a customer) and yes I did have a boyfriend at the time. Me and this guy hung out every now and then. We went to the amusement park and played basketball etc. I knew my bounderies though. I've never kissed this guy or had sex with him. He made it clear that he liked me but was respectful towards me cause I had a boyfriend. I didnt tell my boyfriend about this guy.

One night my boyfriend saw me getting out of this guys car and let me tell you he was HOT!!!! We got into an argument that night and we seperated for a week. Eventually we got back together after talking about the situation. I didnt want to be without him because I loved him so much and he felt the same so we worked it out. I cut of contact with this other guy 100%. It took some time for my boyfriend to trust me again too.

So the only advice I can give is, if you love her the way you say you do and want to be with her, give her another chance (hopefully this was her 1st offense). You may not trust her like you want too, but it will take time. Have a talk with her. I wish you luck. Hope this helped :)


Just to get some insight where you are coming from, why would you cross those boundaries if you knew it would lead to something very negative to your relationship? Did you ever consider cheating on your boyfriend?

Was your boyfriend ever able to prove that you did not cheat or did he get back together based on your word? I mean the guy is calling her every day and she knows what his intentions are and did not turn him away.

I didn't have a good excuse for my actions when I was hanging out with this other guy. No I don't consider on cheating on my boyfriend. I just made a stupid mistake at the time. My boyfriend can't prove that I cheated on him or not. He thinks that I did and I didn't blame him. But we got over it. Were passed that. It happened 2 years ago.

Well what was the "conversation" about that was so interesting?? She may be cheating but then again you never know. I think that she may like him but has not done anything because of you. I say that because you said she is a good person.

I didn't have a good excuse for my actions when I was hanging out with this other guy. No I don't consider on cheating on my boyfriend. I just made a stupid mistake at the time. My boyfriend can't prove that I cheated on him or not. He thinks that I did and I didnt blame him. But we got over it. Were passed that. It happend 2 years ago.

Do you think contacting the guy and asking him myself would be going overboard? I need to know the truth if I am to consider getting back with her. Should I ask her first to see how her reaction is?

I find it hard to believe if you can't trust her enough to believe her response to this question, that you will ever trust her again. I see many nights of going through her phone, email and other info. Where does the line get drawn?

You can contact this guy all you want, but will he be honest. Also, if they were just friends and he says that will that be enough? I would be a little worried over what kind of friend is available at for a.m. That part was fishy to me.

Well the fact of the matter is I did the same thing very early in our relationship and she forgave me. I want to forgive her but I can't have this cloud of doubt. I need to be 100% sure nothing happend.

I've considered contacting the guy but I don't know if that is a smart move.
It's not a smart move, nothing good can come of it.

And if this isn't the first time this has happened, it probably won't be the last, either.

I think you should talk to her

Thank you Adam for that compliment

Arle, contacting that guy may also make you even more upset about the situation. Whether something happened or not

No problem HotPotato.

I keep checking in on this post and you are getting very good advice here. I think you should listen to what is being said here today.

What did you mean you were in the same situation before and she forgave you? I was a little cloudy on that.

If you couldn't trust her then, you may never trust her again. It will definitely be a thing over time. Just don't go snooping around and putting your nose in things where it shouldn't be to make things worse. If you want to know the truth and can trust her, then ask her. If you can't trust her enough to ask her, then what is the point of trying to make a relationship of it?

If you did find this guy and asked him, and he said, we are just friends, are you going to automatically take his side and not question it anymore? He could have know about you and tried to cross the line or he might have respected the line.

The point is there is no real way of knowing. It is something only he and her knows. The only way you can put yourself at ease over it is to trust her or don't and move on.

You made the right decision. When is comes to cheating, there is nothing you can do. Whether she was cheating or not, she shouldn't be talking to another guy if she is with you. If she wants good conversation. She should be having it with you, if she can't then she doesn't deserve you.
I had a boyfriend that I was with for a year and a half and found out when he dumped me, that he had been sleeping with his ex the entire time we were together!!

You made the right decision. When is comes to cheating, there is nothing you can do. Whether she was cheating or not, she shouldn't be talking to another guy if she is with you. If she wants good convo. she should be having it with you, if she can't then she doesnt deserve you.
I had a boyfriend that i was with for a year and a half and found out when he dumped me, that he had been sleeping with his ex the entire time we were together!!!

So by your theory the significant other can't have a "good" conversation with any other member of the opposite sex?

On two occasions she said that she'd discontinue all communication with him immediately. That said, give her the benefit of the doubt. Now if she continues after you've forgiven her and she's promised not to do it again, then you've got a problem. But I think that right now things deserve a second chance.

So by your theory the significant other can't have a "good" conversation with any other member of the oposite sex?

Well, with my experience, that is how I feel. I have screwed over so many times in the past and it was for having such a big heart and forgiving so many times.

I don't think a good friend knows it is okay to call a friend at 2 am. Which makes me think it is probably more than good conversation. Even if she is not interested he may be thinking that the more available he is the more chance of her leaving you.
I don't think good friends of the opposite sex one with a boyfriend would talk that often if it was nothing.
Why would she call you and then call him immediately after??
Like S_cianci said you can give her the benefit of the doubt and get back with her but if she continues to call this guy after she said she wouldn't then you know you can't trust her.
Especially since she did agree to that.

I mean lets be real here, do you really think that she wasn't interested in him at all. If it was just good conversation about the same field they were in, would she not of mention him to you? I don't know your guys relationship but if it was friendly as she says and he was a cool guy don't you think you would have heard of him? Also to text you at 2 am then 5 min text him asking to hang out seems really suspect to me. I am not sure if you should give her a seconde chance or not but don't be fooled by thinking that she only thought of him as a friend and wasn't interested in any other way. You will never know what they did and didn't do, but if you feel like she has learned from mistake (we all make them) and realize that she was playing with fire then you should talk. I would let her know that this is def not acceptable and that there wouldn't be any more chances. If YOU decide to take her back then you would need to completely drop this and move on and if you feel that you can't drop it then I would think twice about getting back together.

I agree with KC in a way. I believe it's okay for two people to have a chat but once it becomes everyday, at odd hours of the night then the lines start to get blurred. To put the icing on the cake, she goes out with him at the bar? My fiancé and I have guidelines for that stuff, personally we feel doing that would be crossing our lines. Some may not agree with our guidelines, but they work for us.

As for the OP, I believe she crossed several lines and it's up to you if you could trust her again, which you pointed out, you doubt you will. A relationship can't exist without trust being a firm building block and once that is crack, everything else will crumble around it.

You got to love these questions about whether he/she will call back but anyway here goes mine..

So I met this bombshell over the weekend. She was gorgeous, model figure, smart (med school), and down to earth. A 10 on my scale and trust me, I am very picky.. I was playing it pretty well as she started holding my hand and we were talking all night but I think I became a little too focused on her and she began to pull a way a bit. At the end of the night I told her I had to run and got her phone number.

Waited 2 days and called her back and she was at dinner (was very loud in the background) and she told me she would call later. Didn't get the call last night and I'm worried I may have blown it somehow... If she doesn't call back I think I will try her again tomorrow but I don't want to give the impression that Im desperate either (just really liked the girl).

Any suggestions? Should I wait longer, send a text, or just call again?

Try calling her one more time. If nothing comes of it this time, then scratch her off the list and move on.

Do you have any idea how you could blow it? It may be handy to rewind the night and remember what happened between the time when she was holding your hand looked like she was in love and then began to pull away? Did you say anything or did?
If you find what could be the reason, great, because then you may be able to fix it. If not, invite her for diner, or to the cinema. Sometimes even I was not sure what the man next to me wanted, and I would many times appreciate more if the man could be more open about it, inv me for cinema and pre discuss which movie I would prefer... this way man treats the woman with respect, good thing.

Doesn't seem like she's interested. But you won't know until you try again. So give her a call 1 or 2 days later and it gives her enough time to get back to you.

If she's interested, she will come out to see you again, so you don't really need to guess how she feels. So just ask her out again and see what she says.

Some women like to be pursued, and if she's a '10', then she's probably used to being hit on by a lot of guys.

I'd wait a few more days and then ring and see if she'd like a coffee/drink. Be warm but not over the top. Her reply will let you know what she thinks.

Call her and then leave the ball in her court. Tell her to call you if she wants to go out on a date or something of that nature. Rule #3 of dating: ALWAYS leave the ball in the other person's court if you can... leaves out questions of interested or not in the end.

Ugh.. Arle- did you notice from your post you basically put this chick on a pedastal before you have even hung out with her more then once? "She was gorgeous, model figure, smart (med school), and down to earth. A 10 on my scale and trust me, I am very picky".

Relax man, like Gemini said if she is hot, and educated she is most likely pursued a lot.. so don't do what every other guy does. And as KC said, put the ball in her court. I find it amazing sometimes that we think so highly of the 'new girl' before ever getting to know them. Not to mention.. yes, put out some effort, but if she is not putting out the effort to see YOU.. then why do you want to go after her anyway? Dam.. last time I checked I want a girl to WANT me as much as I want her. I want her to want to call me, spend time with me, etc.

The bottom line is if she is interested in you, you WILL hear from her again. You're already wondering how you blew it with her!! Where is the confidence killer... back off- she said she would call you back, give her a chance to..

Thumper

Give her a call in a few days and if she is still busy, or unavailable, then ask someone else out. Hmmmm, I would ask someone else any way, you can always try her number later.

Threads merged.
I broke up with my ex last week however Im having 2nd thoughts now. The reason I broke up is because I was having trust issues with her and it was becoming unhealthy for me. I told her that we could work things out if she could give me 100% commitment. She told me that she still was not sure what she wanted and that she understood why I couldn't get back if she was still unsure. We ended the conversation breaking up and with her telling me that she loves me.

I ended up going to a concert on Sat with her since we had tickets together and it was a band I really wanted to see. She started acting like we were back together (holding my hand, calling me "babe) and before I knew it I was kissing her and having a great time by the end of the night. Since that night I have been having 2nd thoughts, however I wanted to give myself some time to think about it and avoid making an irrational decision.

Here is my predicament.

I came across her Facebook the other day and some random guy posted several pictures of himself with my ex. They looked to be more than friends as they were out together at night and on another occasion in the park during the day. I want to speak to her about it but I don't want to look like I've been stalking her Facebook. I want to get back together with her (the power of jealousy! Damnnit!) but I want to get back together for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. I told her that I would swing by her place to pick up my things tonight. Do I ask her about this guy (with no guilt trips attached)? I feel like I need to know because if she is seeing him, I cannot continue to be with her. She really is a great person and I don't want to lose her but I will not be with her if she started seeing a guy right after we broke up. HELP!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/whats-next-move-if-she-doesnt-call-388825.html


I cannot continue to be with her. She really is a great person and I don't want to lose her but I will not be with her if she started seeing a guy right after we broke up. HELP!

Seems your doing the same thing, and your mad at her?? Or is this sour grapes at failing to get a second date with some one else? That takes a lot of nerve to be a hypocrite. Leave her alone, and get beyond the past.

You two had issues and couldn't fix them in the time you were together and now your broken up, over the same issues all over again. Leave it be, and forget second chances, and deal with all your issues, and let her deal with her own.

When you both grow up some and are willing to work together, fine, but that won't happen for a long time.

Amazing how the whole story comes together when your posts are merged.

We only move forward in life. You are moving backwards.

Also, Facebook once again proves to be the devil's website. That website causes more people to not move on then anything I've ever come across.

I dated my girlfriend for 2 years and although we were having some problems, I love her very much and had always thought that we would end up together. She started planning on moving away to San Diego and it basically came off that she wanted me to go but if I didn't go with her, she would still make the move. She became very distant and I basically forced her to break up with me because I was not getting what I needed from her.

A couple weeks later she tries to get in touch with me to pick up some things and we met up. She told me that she had made the wrong decision and that she still loved me and wanted to start being a better girlfriend to me. I told her that I needed her to prove it however the following week I found out from a friend of hers that she had gone out on a date (different guy) and had been hanging out with this guy over the course of our breakup. I was heartbroken and I did not handle it too well because I had felt betrayed. A thousand emotions were going through my head and I became angry, needy, insecure, all of the above.. I told her I found out and she said that they were friends but that was it (She is a very honest person but really who knows.. she could have been afraid to tell me)

At this point I had lost control of the relationship. She was back on track of planning to move away to San Diego but at the same time she did not want to end our relationship. We agreed that we would try things out to see where they went but I have not seen any initiative on her part. She texts and calls but she never takes the initiative to work on the relationship. I ran into her at a bar the other night with some of her guy friends and she starts to flirt with me but I was still hurt by everything that had happened (plus I had too much to drink) and I took off.

I have basically decided to move on although I haven't told her yet. I still love her deeply and hope that we can be together again; however, I've come to realize that she wants to do this on her own terms and I cannot try to work on this relationship that way. I feel like I am there to comfort her whenver she needs me but she does not reciprocate the affection to me. I am going to tell her that I am moving on and that I want to start dating again and I don't know if this will be a wake up call to her or not but I can no longer be in a stand still in this relationship. I have tried to meet up with her on acouple occasions but she seems to always be busy. She finally asked me to meet up last week but I was extremely busy. My question is, do I go ahead and meet with her again to tell her this or do I just move on and begin NC? I don't want to lose her but If you love someone you have to set them free. Hopefully she will come back to me but I cannot continue like this. Advice would be much appreciated..

You do what you have to do. I think it would be a bit more classy to at least tell her how you feel and that you are ending it rather than just simply ignoring her from now on. If this is going to really end I think both of you need to sit down and discuss this like mature adults.

You do what you have to do. I think it would be a bit more classy to at least tell her how you feel and that you are ending it rather than just simply ignoring her from now on. If this is going to really end I think both of you need to sit down and discuss this like mature adults.

Yea I thought so too because eventually it will have to be brought up. I guess what I meant to ask was whether I should wait for her to call or do I initiate the meeting?

I would initiate the meeting. It needs to be done, so delaying the inevitable serves no purpose.

I believe that if you genuinely love someone and feel that you want to be with her, no matter what the circumstances be, you figure out how to work it out. In the long run there is going to be problems in all relationships, explain to her what you need out of it. If she isn't willing to give you what you need. It is very tough to deal with as you can't see in the head of anyone but, if you want the relationship to work, don't give up on her. Help her change, that's what love is.

I believe that if you genuinely love someone and feel that you want to be with her, no matter what the circumstances be, you figure out how to work it out. In the long run there is gonna be problems in all relationships, explain to her what you need out of it. If she isn't willing to give you what you need. It is very tough to deal with as you can't see in the head of anyone but, if you want the relationship to work, don't give up on her. Help her change, thats what love is.

True love is not about changing a person, it is about unconditional acceptance. You can't make a person change. She clearly isn't into the relationship and this needs to end.

True love is not about changing a person, it is about unconditional acceptance. You can't make a person change. She clearly isn't into the relationship and this needs to end.

I agree. If she wants to change then she will, I cannot force her to. I can only hope that my actions will help her see what was really important to her. If I made her happy and she wants to be with me, then she will start reciprocating her feelings towards me. If not, then I need to be single until I find that person that will..

I think you're going about this the right way-talk to her and let her know you're going NC as things stand now.

I think you're going about this the right way-talk to her and let her know you're going NC as things stand now.

Im scared like sh.t to do it because I don't want to lose her, but I think this is the only way that it will ever give us a chance. It may not work but I don't see any other choices left.. Either way I plan to move forward

Forward is the only way to go. Being stuck in limbo is not a good place to be. Action is always better than reaction.

Forward is the only way to go. Being stuck in limbo is not a good place to be. Action is always better than reaction.

So I tried to setup a meeting to talk with her on Friday but she told me she was going out with one of her girlfirends and would not be able to meet so we decided to meet on Sunday. On Friday I saw her out at happy hr with a bunch of guys at the place I was at and we both pretended like we had not seen each other (I am very tall so I know she saw me).

So Sunday comes around and she texts me 30 min before to cancel because she realized she had to go to her cousins recital.. I told her that it was fine but next time she should let me know earlier. I also thought it was rude as hell to text someone when you are canceling. Anyway Ive tried to brush it off as much as possible but this is already the 2nd time she cancles and she pretty much blew me off once. She has apologized each time but she just seems so nonchalant about the whole matter.

Today she texts me: "hey, let me know when you are leaving for Thanksgiving that way we can talk before ok. I hope you are having a nice day. Im sorry again about yesterday"

I don't want to show like I care much but I was thinking of telling her that I am done setting up plans with her because I either get canceled on or blown off and I don't have time for that. At the same time I think I really need to just end things in person.. I still love the girl but I cannot stand the way she treats me. Any suggestions?

I would say you've tried to set up a meeting and it's not happening-she keeps cancelling on you so I don't see that you owe her any more attempts. She's feeling guilty and is trying to avoid the awkwardness of a meeting it seems.

I would say you've tried to set up a meeting and it's not happening-she keeps cancelling on you so I don't see that you owe her any more attempts. She's feeling guilty and is trying to avoid the awkwardness of a meeting it seems.

Any suggestion how I should respond to her email?

I would just write a polite but short message informing her that you're starting NC. And then stick to it.

I would respond with exactly what Amicon said. You have tried to meet up with her on several occasion and it hasn't been able to work out so just let her know to respect your decision to just move forward with your lives and then go no contact. You tried to be the bigger person. I personally wouldn't write back at all. I would start my healing process now and just go NC. She is playing games and making things difficult.

Personally I would disappear from her life, and tell her nothing at all. But I guess a text saying good bye, and good luck would be proper form.

So I'm trying to tackle this question in order to help myself move on, but I fear that it might come at too high of a cost. I dated this girl for 2 years and we both fell in love with each other. To make a long story short, she decided she wanted to move to San Diego but basically approached it in a way where if I didn’t go with her, she would move anyway. I told her that I needed to think it over. Over this time she started becoming distant and we started fighting a lot. I then found out she had been talking to this guy and hung out with him once at night. I had no proof she was cheating but she definitely crossed the line. I eventually forgave her and we tried to work on things but it just wasn’t the same. She broke it off and said that she couldn’t give me what I wanted at the time. I went into NC and a couple weeks later she wanted to get back together and told me that she wanted to start treating me better. We were about to get back together but I was out one night and ran into a friend of hers. Her friend told me that she had been dating some guy while we were broken up. I confronted her about it and she completely denied it and said that she had not spoken to her friend at all in the past 2 months. Her friend then called me up to apologize for making assumptions and said that she thought they were dating because she had seen some pictures of them hanging out on several occasions but that she had not spoken to her in a while. It tore me apart because I did not know what to believe and I did not believe anything my ex had to say. I tried to pull the truth out of her but she maintained her story. Emotional as I was, I did not want to lose her and I decided that I had no actual proof and must give her the benefit of the doubt. She told me that she still loved me but that she wanted to move to San Diego and she did not want to hurt me. We tried to work on things but I did not see any commitment from her and I became very resentful towards her. I told her that I was not getting what I needed from her and that it wasn’t working out. I tried to meet up with her to talk but I got canceled on twice. She apologized and told me that she was just scared as to what was going to come of it. I basically sent her an email telling her it was not working out and that I needed to move on because I could not settle for someone who did not appreciate me. . I then received an email around 10 days later telling me that her dad had gone missing in Colombia and that she still loved me and didn’t want me to think that she just forgot everything that we had but that she was going through very difficult times. She is not exactly close with him but it was still traumatizing for her. I told her I would be there for her for whatever she needed and the past month we have been talking and chatting every now and then. (Sorry this is a bit long)

I then heard from her last week and she told me that she is going back to school and that she is going to stay here until she finishes her Masters. I’ve been trying to worry about myself right now and not fret or become insecure about the things that are out of my control. I’ve been getting in great shape, starting up a business, and finishing up school in a week. I am trying to move on but at the same time I feel it would be heartless to just start ignoring her while she is going through this very difficult time. I want to know what she feels so that I can have some closure but I also don’t want to bring up anything while she is going through this very sad time. I still love her but I’ve also realized being away from her that I have a lot to offer and I need to be with someone who appreciates that. She was a great g-friend when we were together but the last 2 months of our relationship completely shipwrecked everything that we had. I feel like the only way I can truly move on is if I sit down and talk to her and actually hear from her mouth that she no longer loves me. I just don’t know if this is the right move… Any help?

No there is no need to have this conversation you are doing well and this will only set you back.

This is not only a hard time for her it is a hard time for you too. You need to do what is right for you now, and that is putting some distance between the two of you.

You cannot be the one to pick up her pieces, both for yourself and her! She needs to move on too. You were not right for each other. It will take time before you are able to move, let the healing begin and start on this road.

If you don't want to be rude, tell her that you need some space from the relationship/friendship and need to figure your own head out.

She is starting back to school and will have a load of new people in her life. Should she move on first or seem to be too involved in college or like someone you will be hurt and resentful towards her 'since you helped her through her hard times'.

The relationship is over, move on.

She moved away and starting exploring. She was a very conflicted person>>one day she wanted to be with you but the next day she didn't. She enjoyed her freedom but at the same time she wasn't sure if she was completely ready to give you up and you just enable her ways because of your feelings towards her. Well my friend today is a new day and right now your looking for answers from her in order for yoou to move on. But guess what? We don't always get what we want. You want to know what really happen when she move but do you really? What ever happen or what ever she told you you knew something wasn't right>>that was your insticts talking.

I understand you wanting to be there for her in her time of need but I don't think you could handle it especially while your trying to get over her. Your hurting too and you need to heal yourself before you can help somebody else.

No, closure is a make believe thing, it merely means there would be a reason that you accept. You need to merely accept they are gone, it is over and just move on.

Trying to contact and to talk about things that are not going to happen, solve nothing