Hello,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Our relationship has always been a roller coaster but we have managed to stay together through the years. A couple of years ago we moved to the U.S and started living together. At first, it felt really good and we were able to follow our career dreams. A year and a half ago I started feeling a little weird and losing interest in the relationship. I don't feel attracted as I used to.. I only do sporadically. I love him very much, but it is more like a friendship love. We haven't had sex in like three months. Ohh and I forgot to mention that we got engaged 6 months ago and we haven't set a date yet because everything gets in the way of our plans. It seems to me that I'm unconsciously rejecting him. He is a great man, and a very good partner.. but I just don't feel the same anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to regret it if I leave him. I'm really confused...

Are there any outstanding issues that are unresolved?

Are you feeling insecure about how he feels about you?

Who would normally do the initiation of sex? Did that person say why they stopped?

Communication is important. If the sex is missing and you want it, let him know.
If it's not just that and you just don't feel the same, then it's better to leave now than to wait another year and a half. Saves you both the time to move on and heal.

Are you able to sit down and talk to him about this?
Are there any other issues in your relationship that need resolving?

A few more details would be helpful.

Well, to answer you questions...

I think there were issues in the past, but now we just don't pay attention to that anymore. I know he wants to be with be and he feels frustrated that things are this way.

I don't usually start the sex because I don't usually feel like it. Whenever we do have sex (3 months ago) I feel uncomfortable and can't concentrate. I don't feel a connection to him anymore.

The problem is that he is really a good guy and treats me very well. I'm afraid I'm not going to find someone else like that. I've been hesitant about moving for a long time now... I'm really scared.

Try having a sit down conversation with him, some may agree but sex is a key component to a healthy relationship and if one is feeling neglected then it will wear out the relationship.

Try opening the lines of communication and explaining how you feel.

I really think its time you sat down and had a proper discussion about your problems.
You can't go sweeping this under the carpet forever.

If you are truly unhappy you shouldn't let the fear of being alone keep you in a relationship that's past its sell-by-date.

You really have to talk to him about the way you feel. If you can't communicate, there isn't a relationship at all.

If you are truly dissatisfied with the relationship, don't marry him - end it now. You're still in that pre-honeymoon stage and things stink, so imagine where you may be in 20 years if you go ahead marry him!

When the sex is lacking, usually the communications is too! Time to talk, and air your concerns, and get to the real issues your having. Don't let fear stop you from talking honestly.

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in just over ayear now and we have been together for 4 and a half years. I have tried discussing it with him and he says he loves me and that he doesn't know why we haven't, just that he's embarrassed to talk about it. So I guess were in the same boat. You just have to ask yourself, can you imagine living without him? I'm questioning that right now, if anything eventually if not sorted I think you just feel unloved and get pushed away until you no longer feel attraction to them and then you no longer miss the intimacy and just become some roommate. That's what I feel like anyway. Let me know what you decide

I feel like startlett85 too. I have been in a relationship for 11 years!! And the last 5 years we have little to no sex. And it has never been super great! I have been seeing other men... but that doesn't seem like the right solution. It looks like I am looking for another man to come by that is as perfect as my current man but will also have good sex. But of course I will never meet 'him' like this. But the relationship and our life is good. We are a team and he support me in anyway, he is loved by my friends and family and that makes it all harder. Will I ever find a man as loving as him?