Hi I'm 57 and my eldest son met his partner whilst working and living away from home. Right from the start she was very awkward to talk to and I'm a very sociable person.To cut it short my other 2 sons and my husband travelled up to where he was living to celebrate his birthday and have a meal with some of her family. My son's partner position herself down the other end of a long table. When I went to say hello to her and make some chat, her reply was " you do know we want to live together!" I don't know where this was coming from. Eventually my son proposed to her abroad and arrived home on a Friday and I spoke to him the following week I asked what he had done the past weekend and I was sheepishly told that his partners family had thrown an engagement party, with not a thought of any of my family may wanted to attend and give my son a surprise of being there for him! We were disappointed! Then not long after becoming engaged I had rang my son one evening to be told could he ring me back he was going to visit one of his partners Aunts. When he rang I was told we were going to be Grandparents. The last to know of course!She and my son had a blue whilst she was pregnant and she run home to mum leaving my son on his own for some time I asked what was it about, it was all over him not pampering her enough. We had our set visits to please their life style and last year we were blessed with a beautiful grandaughter. She is a delight and although we don't see her often is not shy of us and a very happy little girl. My husband and I were invited up for a weekend visit only to see the my son's partner go out 3 times over that period. Once we can understand, she had left her hat behind at a location whilst being out with a family member the day before. 2nd time to go out for a meal with her friends on the 1st evening we were there. I was suppose to go out with my son and husband the following day to watch my son play football but it was too cold so I decided to stay behind only to be told by my son partner I knew he was going to football and she had planned to go out with the baby to see the same friend that she had seen the night before. I made a mistake of asking her if we could get to know each other, only to have a reply that she did'nt know how to speak to me, I spoke to fast and I interrupt and don't get upset that she was telling me this.I'm not one for an argument! My reply was to say that I was unaware of this and she came back that I'm always interrupting my husband.
This all coming out of a 25yr old and also adding she was never brought up like that. I could have easily followed througth with I was never brought up to rude and callous - but I did'nt!
I told her not to worry about me, just go off and meet her friend with the baby. I sat there on my own for 2 and half hours. I thought I could have been better off at home and not being wanted. I told my son when he got back with my husband and he agreed with her about me always interrupting.Although my husband did'nt agree with this he let my son pull me to pieces. There were words between my son and his partner and she run off to her mum 2 roads away. We did'nt see our grandaugher for some time. Then our son came down to say goodbye to hid brother moving abroad and ceased the moment to sought the upset out, I found out she had told him I had argued in front of the baby and I had told her to leave her own house. I was astounded how things can be twisted to suit another. I was told to say sorry to her or I would'nt see him or the baby again My husband and I thought was blackmail. I relented and sent a card giving my personal apology and a few days later she rang in a strong voice thanking me for the apology and that us start again, but in the next breath saying DON'T let it happen again! So I Belittle Myself for nothing and my character went down the plughole for the story she told her family.For I was never able to explain what really happened to my son. His reply was he had a headache and did'nt want to listen.Later he spoke to me and asked how I was, I said it did'nt matter, His reply was " It does!" and it was left there. For a year I've been treading on eggshells when we have the chance to visit - a 2hr journey. I'm still being treated like a leper - nothing has changed. We walk in the park and she walks with the baby 6 yards ahead , I would'nt dare ask if I could push the baby.When our grandaughter started walking we went to the park again. It was lovely to see her walking, I put my hands out to her and a voice came back I would'nt pick her up she's heavy and then my son backed her up. My husband took no notice and picked her up to show her the swans. They wanted to come down for a pre christmas dinner last year - like the year before, so planned for it only to be told a little while after that she had a Christmas do that day. My son came down on his own. I asked him what time she was going to her do. The reply was she had gone out the previous evening. We were invited up after Christmas, one of my son came with me. We were able to watch my grandaughter open some presents I kept back for her. Then my son's partner asked where my other son was, I replied he has stayed at home. There was no answer to this for she knew she had done the same to us. She is still not talking to me properly - the last 2 visits I have felt ostracized when the men folk are talking football and my son's partner just so happens to have a relative come calling and they are sat the other side of the room talking to each other and I'm not included. What can I do to make the relationship better between us and why has she chosen it is'nt worth speaken to me and less it's a sarcastic reply. I hope you can advise me and perhaps one day I might be excepted as a worthy Nanna.That's my only wish!

I think initially, her impression of you was that you interrupt other people when they're talking, and that tends to make people feel insignificant. It is hard to talk to someone and be heard when they don't listen to what you have to say. Eventually they just quit trying.

As you've said, your daughter in law was treated this way by you, your son agreed, and maybe that is something you can acknowledge and work on.

You need to mend this fense before it gets any worse, or you will always be left out.

Why not start with her, and spend some quality time with her. She needs to see that you like her and appreciate how good a mother she is. Make the trip up to take her out, even for an afternoon. Lunch, shopping. If her birthday is coming up, you could make it really special.

On mothers day, send a small gift or a card. Things like that melt ice.

Instead of sitting alone while she ignores you, get up and do the dishes, or go sit with the men and watch the game. Go for a walk, do a crossword puzzle. By sitting pouting, you are making yourself look like a victim when you don't have to.

Don't complain to your son about her shortcomings, or how you perceive her to be a liar. Never good. Let that stuff go.

You can prove all the points you want to, but at the end of the day, it will be her that you have to keep the peace with if any friendship is going to evolve.

Look to yourself to make changes that will make your life easier, and make her life easier, in a positive way, instead of 'her' against 'you'. That strategy never works as far as I'm concerned.

I had a very rough go with my mother in law in the beginning, because the three siblings found fault with everything I did, and consequently I was an outsider for years, until my mother in law finally realized that I was a nice person, a good mom, and not once did I criticize her. We remained good friends for many years until she passed away.

Be the bigger person here, and let your actions do the talking.