Hi there,
Have you ever had a friend in your life that has tried everything first? That person who everybody looks to for help, because that person has already experienced it?. First one to do a back flip, first one to become the MVP, first one to have sex, first one to drink or experiment with drugs... well I have. Growing up that person was me. It wasn't by any means that I was trying to be cool or "fit in". It was because I had more motivations to do these things. I was always a smart kid on the right track to success while I was growing up. I was the all-star athlete, the beauty queen, the smart yet outgoing girl, and a strong believer in God. But things slowly started changing and going down hill when my teenage years approached me. Soon rather then being the girl I once was, I started to become known as the bad girl on the block. Sex, drugs and alcohol appealed to me more and more. I guess what I am trying to get at here is that I have always been the one helping people when they needed a shoulder to cry on or just needed a friend. I never asked for help with my life issues, and things just started building up inside. I soon found myself pregnant at the age of 17. I had given my heart to a 19 year old boy and we were starting a life together, even when I knew deep down that neither of us was ready. After two months of being pregnant, I lost the baby and my world turned upside down. The boy I had given my all too soon had vanished as if it were all a dream and I was left feeling broken and empty. I started drinking because I believed it would help the pain if I didn't think about it so much. Age 18 I became an alcoholic, got in trouble with the law countless times, and started drugs. Partying was on the daily, and sex was a regular. I went threw boys like candy on Halloween. If you ask any user they would tell you things that once had matter didn't anymore. I was untrustworthy with a filthy mouth but I didn't have somebody to look up to in my life to tell me to cut the crap. My dad was out of the picture, my mom had cancer for the second time, my siblings lived states away with little contact, and I felt alone. Years past and one day I had an eye opener and I knew I had to turn my life around. I attended AA meetings, and am now a recovering alcoholic. Drugs never stuck with me, thank goodness and I once again believe in God. My dad and my mom are in my life again. Even though each day is a struggle I continue to keep moving forward. I am focusing on my education more then ever, and working toward a career in marine biology. Even though I'm working on turning my life around with each new day... I ache inside and long for comfort to heal my empty soul! That man that was once a boy I gave my heart to so many years ago still has most of me. He's come around; we talk as friends and see each other regularly. But I can't help but wonder if I should let go of him or love him again. I want to join the peace corp. and travel. I want to reach out to people that are going threw any hardship. I haven't shared nearly anything that's happened to me but considering the novel I've shared I'll finish up. For once in my life I'm the one asking for advice. And although I'm not sure what the question is, I'll consider any and all advice that you might have to share on what I've told you. Just help me feel a little less confused on where to go, or what to do next. Bye for now.(:

There is a saying, in the Christian church world, the best preacher used to be the worst sinner since he knows the battle ground and has been there.

You do every day, like the AA, one day at a time, one issue and one life at a time.

You lead by example of what can be with a life.

I ache inside and long for comfort to heal my empty soul!

That's quite a life story, and I gather it's still got a long way to go...

One thing to consider is that your search for meaning and comfort has all been focused outside of yourself. Ultimately the peace and comfort we seek to find is never outside of ourselves, it can only come from within.

You are the only one that can give yourself the love and peace you so desire. You are the only one that can look within your soul and satisfy your yearning. You are the only one that can heal yourself and fill your soul with meaning.

Of course, the things that we do with our lives provide us with the impetus for this healing and comfort. If your 'boy' was the one that was going to help you to do this - you'd know it. Take pleasure in his friendship, but expect nothing more.

I suspect there is still some way for you to travel on your healing journey and that you would benefit from helping others. Why don't you travel, join the peace corp, whatever? Discover yourself in a different way - unrelated to sex, drugs or alcohol. Explore what you can do in your studies and focus on accepting the person within you without judgment - you are the sum of your experiences, and it sounds as if you're on the threshold of a new part of your life journey..

You are doing really good. I say just keep doing what your heart says. I'm glad you turned your life aorund. I had practically the same problems as a teen. Good luck and learn from the past. Don't let any one take your heart in a decietful way or your happiness.

I read your story and just want to hug you!

I agree with a lot of the above posts.

I simply wanted to add, be very weary of the "19 year old" boy that got you pregnant and left you. I hate to say it, but if he loved you, he wouldn't have left, he would have tried to be by your side to help.

There is a saying, in the Christian church world, the best preacher used to be the worst sinner since he knows the battle ground and has been there.

You do each and every day, like the AA, one day at a time, one issue and one life at a time.

You lead by example of what can be with a life.

I like that saying!