I am having trouble finding the answer to this. And I want to know before hand, so I do not make any mistakes.

I am in the middle of a divorce. My Husband cheated on me and was abusive.

I can't find the actual verses in the bible that gives instructions on marriage, divorce and remarriage.

I THINK the bible says, that if a man cheats on his wife, she is free to divorce him, AND marry again.

But I have also found verses that says a woman who is divorced CANNOT marry again.


I need to know if God will allow me to marry again, or if I am to remain celibate.

I am not looking to validate a marriage for myself. I don't have any plans of getting married to anyone right now lol. And if God says I need to stay unmarried and celibate, that's what will happen.

But it is something I need to know for the future. So I don't make any mistakes against god.

Thank you :)

(and I know sometimes these types of topics lie heavy in interpretation, and arguments will happen. But please don't fight :( OK? )

Hi, jenniepepsi!

One way to find out about the verses, would be to consult the following site.

BibleGateway - Quick search: Divorce (http://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=Divorce&qs_version=NIV)

BibleGateway - Quick search: Marriage (http://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=Marriage&qs_version=NIV)

I've just used one version of the Bible for the searches.

Now, what you've asked about, is a debatable topic. You'll get a variety of opinions here.

My own opinion, is that since he cheated on you and was also abusive, there should be no problem, in God's eyes, with you divorcing him and getting married again.

A person shouldn't have to put up with abuse of any kind.

I'm sure that others will come along to voice their opinions.

There are no absolutes to this, but just opinions. Some of them will come from some very Biblically educated people.

I'm not sure of your Christian denomination affiliation. Would you please not mind sharing about that here?

Thanks!

Thanks clough.
I was also thinking, at least in my opinion, that God is NOT the heartless god that some make him out to be. If I accedently got married to the man god did NOT want for me, and divorced, and married the man god DID want for me... would he not forgive the first marriage?
I just don't think he would be so angry with someone over something like that you know?

Thanks for those sites :)

God does understand the pain and is angry when HIS children backslide into committed adultery. Anything man does in evil to another, he has also done to God by leaving God to follow satan. *adultery (left what is suppose to be their first love above all)

1 Corinthians 11-12 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

What you have first of course is what God would prefer, but knowing man he gave them ways to deal with it. And the allowance to divorce was allowed in the old testement.

Of course the Old testement also tells you to marry your husbands brother if your husband died.

WE as christians today seldon follow the laws and rules given in the OT beyond the 10 commandments, since we are no longer under the law.

if i accedently got married to the man god did NOT want for me, and divorced, and married the man god DID want for me...would he not forgive the first marriage?
i just dont think he would be so angry with someone over something like that you know?
God doesn't dictate or choose whom we marry, and we have no idea what kind of a person we've married until we've lived with that person for a while and have undergone various life situations like money, family, and health problems.

God would be angry if you stayed in a situation in which your daughter, you, and even the man you are married to are diminished in the relationship. Would Ayla thrive in your current marriage? Would you? Would your husband?

God has given us free will, and says He will be with us no matter what. Now He wants you to learn from what has happened and to benefit from those lessons, so that your next marriage (or even just other relationships with people) becomes stronger and more loving.

Very loving and understanding answer, Wondergirl!

What is the name of the cat in your avatar and to whom does it belong, please?

Thanks!

Very loving and understanding answer, Wondergirl!

What is the name of the cat in your avatar and to whom does it belong, please?
Thank you, Clough.

Please read my "signature" to find out about my avatar, Lady Jane Grey. As yet, we haven't brought the two sisters (LJG's daughters) into our house.

God doesn't dictate or choose whom we marry, and we have no idea what kind of a person we've married until we've lived with that person for a while and have undergone various life situations like money, family, and health problems.

God would be angry if you stayed in a situation in which your daughter, you, and even the man you are married to are diminished in the relationship. Would Ayla thrive in your current marriage? Would you? Would your husband?

God has given us free will, and says He will be with us no matter what. Now He wants you to learn from what has happened and to benefit from those lessons, so that your next marriage (or even just other relationships with people) becomes stronger and more loving.

That is so true WG! And that makes me feel better about my future. I know you are right. Even if someone DOES make a choice to divorce when God doesn't want that to happen, he ALWAYS loves us... and I agree, he would not want me or my daughter to be with my soon to be ex husband.

Matthew 5:32 " But I say unto you, That whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

God hates adultery and , I believe what this says. Gods word is truth.
God's plan is that two people remain married until death separates
Them. Let us also remember what Jesus said in Matthew 12:31,
"All manner of sin is forgiven all men except the blasphemy of Holy Spirit-
the rejection of Jesus Christ". We have all missed the mark, and we
Are all sinners. "We All Need A Savior"

My husband and I just celebrated 55 yr. of marriage on Dec 11.

Love and Blessings, Maggie 3

My husband and I just celebrated 55 yr. of marrage on Dec 11.
Congratulations!

What would you have done had he slept with other women and regularly beat you?

Matthew 5:32[/b] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

When Jesus speaks about her that is divorced He means the woman that her husband rightfully divorced (a woman that committed adultery)and not any divorced woman ,because to God a woman that is divorced for any other reason except adultery is not considered divorced but still remains a wife! Whosoever shall marry a rightfully divorced woman commits adultery!

Wondergirl, If it was in the very early years of our marriage, I
Would probably have left him. But today I would most likely have him committed because he would have to be totally out of his mind.

Maggie 3

WE as christians today seldon follow the laws and rules given in the OT beyond the 10 commandments, since we are no longer under the law.

Gal 5:18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

So I trust that depends on who they following in righteousness.

but it is something i need to know for the future. so i dont make any mistakes against god.



jenniepepsi,

Can I ask if when you were married to this man, if you took a vow before God, and a gathering of witnesses?

The reason I ask is to further discuss what God gives in allowance.

jenniepepsi
Were you married before God in the church?
What were the vows you both took?
Answers to those questions may help getting good answers to your request.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

jenniepepsi,

Can I ask if when you were married to this man, if you took a vow before God, and a gathering of witnesses?

The reason I ask is to further discuss what God gives in allowance.

Yes we were. In a church

jenniepepsi
Were you married before God in the church?
What were the vows you both took?
Answers to those questions may help getting good answers to your request.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

I don't exactly remember the vows *blush* I know, its something I should remember. But my mind was kind of fuzzy and light headed that day.
But it was in our church, in Gods name, and by a non denominational Priest.

jenniepepsi

and so you Dad was their to give his permission?

References:
These are the civil enactment known as statutes that God gives as HIS will to be done.

Numbers 30:3-4 If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth; And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.

Numbers 30:5 But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.

Mosaic Law which is the body of prophetic teaching that is the schoolmaster. (Due 23:21-22)
Many remain with the schoolmaster until they confess the begotten Son of God and then are led by the Holy Spirit. Only you know what your heart of belief knew the day you were married. God searches the heart of each of us. God knows the failed lust of the flesh body.

We have forgiveness in the body and blood of Christ, and are called to follow in HIS light of righteousness, led by the Holy Spirit. In confessed belief of One Lord Jesus Christ and One Baptism of the Holy Spirit, you can be set free from the bondage of sin and walk in the spirit upon repenting. It is like Christ said you are forgiven, sin no more! Then remain stedfast in following Christ, by the lead of the Holy Spirit.


God grace be with you

If it was in the very early years of our marriage, I would probably have left him.
That's where Jenniepepsi is.

jenniepepsie - first off, I just want to say that I empathize for you because I know firsthand how painful a divorce can be. I know that you are pondering your future and the possibilities of a future with someone else but I would also just encourage you to reflect on this situation and try to become wiser as a result of it. What can you learn from this experience? Did you see some of the issues you dealt with in your marriage coming early on and could you detect potential issues in a relationship the next time around? I'll I am saying is that we all have to grow in many ways and learn from the decisions we make.

Like you, I struggled with those same questions. Many people I know had very strong opinions about divorce and remarriage and many of them said you can't do it. Somehow, I couldn't make sense of that given what I know of God in other areas of life.

As a practical matter, the divorce provision was given in the Old Testament because of the hardness of the human heart. Moses understood that sometimes people are hard-hearted and destroy their marriage commitment. What would be the benefit of staying married when the marriage had become so terribly broken? This is why I believe Moses gave that divorce provision so that the two should go their separate ways... the marriage was over.

But it was always understood that divorce was not something to be used liberally. However, in the days of Jesus, the Pharisees had become very petty in their dealings with their wives. They would find loopholes to divorce their wives so that they still appeared godly. When you get to Matthew 19, there is this interchange between Jesus and the Pharisees. They were attempting to trap him in this discussion about marriage and divorce. Notice that they ask him "is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?" They practiced divorce for any cause but they were good at justifying it. So they ask Jesus if it were lawful. He responds by saying that God made man and woman in the beginning and it was never his intention that they be separated. So they then ask him why Moses permitted divorce. He responds by saying "because of the hardness of your heart." I think this part is the crux of his other statement, "whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” To me, what I really understand Jesus to be saying is that unless you have very good reason to divorce your spouse, why on earth are you divorcing? This is not an exhaustive list of reasons Jesus is giving for divorce. I believe he is simply arguing in the context of this conversation for divorce to be a matter of serious circumstances. People should not divorce for petty and superficial reasons...it should be a last resort and for good reason.

I believe that Paul is in harmony with this as well according to 1 Corinthians 7:11. He says that "the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." So what is he talking about here? Well, he doesn't go into great detail about what he means but I presume that the situation he is speaking into is a woman or man who divorces for petty reasons (he uses the word "separate" but it means the same thing). Paul's real admonition is that a genuine believer should understand God's heart on the importance of the marriage commitment and if someone decides to leave for no apparent significant issue, Paul's word to that person is that he/she is not free to remarry because there is a commitment that has been left on the table. Presumably, Paul is getting at something profound in that perhaps in the span of time the person is separated, he/she will come to see the error of his/her ways and return to his/her spouse.

But in a situation where there is violence, marital infidelity, and similarly damaging conflict in a marriage, God has called people to peace. Sometimes there is more peace when two people go their own ways. It is always a tragedy but it is reality.

My friend, my only advice to you is that you take your time. Pray to God for wisdom. What sort of person ought you to be looking for in the future? God is good... he is gracious. He wants us to grow up and learn to be people who value wisdom and making decisions that impact our lives. We are not perfect and we will never get it all right. But we need to strive to that end. I hope that during this time you seek the comfort of people you can trust and the wisdom of people you know care about the things of God.

jenniepepsi,
My suggestion is that you do try to reconcile your God Blessed marriage.
Perhaps a marriage counselor could be of help.
Many marriages have rocky roads in the early years but they smooth out after time passes.
I hope and pray that yours does also.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

thanks clough.
i was also thinking, at least in my opinion, that God is NOT the heartless god that some make him out to be. if i accedently got married to the man god did NOT want for me, and divorced, and married the man god DID want for me...would he not forgive the first marriage?
i just dont think he would be so angry with someone over something like that you know?

thanks for those sites :)

Gen 2:22-24... Malichi 2:15, 16... Romans 7:2,3... 1Corinthians 6:9-11... This is not a sin that can't be forgiven, but one must be trully repentant for committing it, and have faith in the ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Just as if we were pieces in a musuem, we should strive to be spotless, and not contradict and bring reproach on God's name. (Psalms 83:18) (Exodus 6:3)

med_josef,
Yes, your bible quote is one of many that tells us how forgiving God is and how to be forgiven.
We should always remember that God forgive us in the same manner we forgive others.
Also Jesus tells us that those who do not forgive will not be forgiven.
Peace and kindness,
Fred